Home Stories Bedroom Shenanigans

Bedroom Shenanigans

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Bedroom eyes you don't wanna see.

I like s*x. S*x makes me feel great. I probably think about it at least 30 times a day (more like 100) and each thought is usually different than the previous. There are so many positions and scenarios that run through my dirty mind that I could make a female psychic blush, giggle, and cut me the bedroom eyes 10 times over. My friends have a variety of nicknames for me because my mind is so dirty, and it isn’t usually a bad thing. I can take just about anything and turn it into something s*xual, but I usually exercise self control and try to keep it clean.

Contrary to popular belief, I don’t just sling D anywhere. As entertaining as it would be to watch my bunz count skyrocket into the 60′s, 70′s, or 80′s , I worry about the repercussions of too much random hardbody thronxing. For the average guy my age and with my “affiliations”, I’d say I’m on the low side of things. But don’t get it twisted, that doesn’t make my bedroom shenanigans any less entertaining. I was engaging in some bedroom tomfoolery chatter over the weekend that had me rolling. We were recalling some of the most reckless things that have happened in the sheets. The type of things that make you pause for a second and wonder what the f*ck is going on. And yeah, reckless and freaky is relative. I know. Anyways…

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Example for the ladies:

You’re having pro wrestler type sex with a dude and you’re feelin’ his Michael Phelps game. You think he’s about to finish you off with backshots to the future, and without permission you feel him trying to manuever into the “exit only” orifice.  OR, you’re doing something to him and he squeals for you to slip a finger into his A. What the eff do you do when this happens? Pause? That’s an understatement. Do you immediately dry up and cease coitus? Do you just acknowledge his request and then ask questions later after you wash your hands? Awkwardness.

Example for the fellas:

You’re beasting a chick and highly satisfied with your performance. She yells out in a burst of excitement the following: “Gimme that fried chicken d*ck!” OR, a chick that you respect and have s*x with gets excited and tells you to let go in her grill without delay. As for the former, is that a compliment? Do you pump it out and then ask her about her choice of words and dietary habits afterwards? As for the latter, how do you respond to such a random request? You know that once you sling that yogurt you’ll never look at her the same again. What do you do? If shorty’s a jump off, the answer is probably a lot more obvious.

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For those that aren’t yet having s*x, since it seems that there are a few of you out there, I’m sure you have your own variation of something awkward that could go down in the bedroom or on the couch while you’re gettin your spoon on. Let’s assume you at least bless the microphone. How do you respond if he says “You take that sh*t right now!” and pushes your head down? Do you squeeze him where it hurts or do you just stop and say “What the eff!?” Ya see. There’s a scenario for everybody!

These things may sound extreme or not so extreme depending on your freak level, but they happen. How would you respond to a random sexual request or outburst that you weren’t comfortable with or expecting? And if bold enough to tell, what’s the strangest request or attempt that’s been made and how did you handle it? It’s okay. Just say it happened to “your friend”. We won’t tell. And lastly, if you gonna type something reckless PLEASE USE ASTERISKS!

Certified in Pumping, Thumping, Slamming, and Cramming,

Twitter: @slimjackson Website: www.threewaystotakeit.com

Comment(208)

  1. LMAO "For those that aren’t yet having s*x"

    I'd ask to be donkey punched if I ever swear that I'm not doing that. And I can't even say "my friend". Everyone will doubt me.

    The first time someone asked to gimme a pearl necklace, I had to look at them sideways. Only because his aim sucks. And I value my eyesight. Plus, it was just weird THEN. Why on my chest? If it more attractive now cuz you're going to smear it and draw pictures with your own j!zz? #sukishrug

    Strangest request I ever got didn't even go through me first (||). I was with my first and he just invited his cousin in. I kid you not, this was probably my 4th time in the "game". I'm on top like a champ so why, oh WHY, is something trying to open my @$$ up? I didn't yell. I didn't even make a weird sound.

    Me: "Who is that and what's going in my butt?"

    Him: "Oh, that's just Chris. My cousin. You mind?"

    Me: "Yeah, a tad. *turns around* Hi Chris. Can you leave? Thanks. *resumes coitus*

    Friggin West Indians. lol jk

    1. WTF?!?! Are you serious? Like he really tried to just sneak up on you – literally – and think it was cool?

      #DEAD

        1. DAMN the fact that I've been at work all morning. LMAO

          I may have died a few times thinking back and reading all these comments.

          I had to keep going. I had to finish what I started! O_o

          But another situation with another cousin happened. But this one was a virgin and he wanted him to watch how it's "done"

          Hmm, let's see. Drunk with last love, he had 2 friends over and his ex. Um, things got messy. (inserts details)

          *wipes hands* Yup! That's about it! 0:-)

    2. You'd be suprised how often the "Just leave the door unlocked" method worked… #itwasntmethough

  2. “Gimme that fried chicken d*ck!” Lol *closes the casket lid* That just made my night. I will say the strangest request I ever got was to catch his kids in my mouth, spit it into a cup and the drink it from the cup. O_o All I could do was laugh and ask where the hell he got that freaky sh*t from.

    1. LOL! I think the same here…i actually use my name too…

      But There was a snowball request once O_O (that was my response)

        1. it was too late for that to happen anyway…but i couldn't even speak after that request…

      1. Snowball Request.. What is that?

        #confused/bewildered#

        Damn, that's what I get for getting tied down before the legal drinking age limit.. *shrug*

        I'm a late bloomer now just starting to LIVE MY LIFE but I see NOW I Got Alot of catching up to do… *devilishgrin*

        1. its when a guy jizzes (yea, i said jizzes) in your mouth then you kiss him & put it in his and go back and forth…

        2. WTF?

          I've never heard of that shit before (b/t guy and a girl)….. Thats just wrong… revoke dudes manhood

    1. Anal was NEW to me then. So yeah, that's rude! At least say hi. State your name, your purpose, how long it'll take, what I might feel, etc. I didn't like surprises before. Now, ehh, different story. Very very different story.

      1. Wait..I'm confused.

        The cousin was just watchin or was he the one trying to navigate uncharted territory?

        Cuase that makes a BIG difference!

  3. I am over here dying at this. I had to come back and re-read. I have had a request to vomit before. Can we say ewww. Dude was doing everything in his power to try and get me to upchuck but it was not happening. Plus, I my gag reflex is damn there non-existent. Lol

      1. Yes, indeed. I asked him about it afterward and he could not give me an explanation except "I just like it." #UmmNO

    1. BeyoncaStone: "Plus, I my gag reflex is damn there non-existent. Lol"

      *sniffling and wiping tear from eye*

      1. Lol. He's from the islands so I dont know if that had anything to do with it. Haha then again he is a FREAK. I made it a point not to eat when before I kicked it with him and he would always ask me "Are you hungry? Did you eat? *DEAD* because it makes sense now.

        @Hugh Jazz lol *hands tissue*

  4. Uuum, I've never had any weird requests. I have had had my ex-husband try to slip in the back without checkin with me first, but that wasn't that weird.

    I wish I was more entertaining.

  5. My weird requests always have something to do anal insertion… Always. Might be due to its bubbly goodness.

    1. Welcome!

      I'm curious if your moniker refers to the site, the blogger, or just single black men in general.

  6. My ex and I used to be recreational skiers during the weekends and we used to get very creative when it came to having intimacy… we became very open, there was p*rn playing in the background, always, or his cousin and his gf would be there joining us while we'd be doing the mattress mambo and join in..

    on one particular occasion it was just us two, we were watching p*rn, I had just stripped for him (we had a pole in the dining room in place of a dining set lol) and we had purchased our of many toys and he starting using it on me…

    It was so good, the sensation of him being inside me and rubbing who is now Mr. Pinky on my cl*t and around the "exit" area… then he pulls out, asks me to suck Elmo (I named him that after he would literally tickle me from the inside – another story lol) which I happily obliged… then he asks me to rub Mr. Pinky around his "exit" area… so I did.. then I got bold and pushed it in a bit.. he tensed up.. I stopped and he asks me to do it again while still talking to Elmo, so I do… he was loving that ish!!! And sure enough he bust, hard!

    Next thing I know he comes home with an*l beads… and not for me either

    When it happened I didn't stop coitus I continued, but I think a lot had to do with the state of mind we were in.. but if someone I'd be dating now would ask me to do that I'd definitely give him O_o and leave.. It's one thing if I decided to slip a lick while I'm down there chilling with Heavy D and the Boys but to request it, yeah no

    1. Lola I don't mean to be rude…. but can you please define skiing? B/c thought you meant Rick James fav drug, but since you talked about multiple partners you could mean that other kind of skiing.

      1. Thank you Cheekz, I definately didn't get the slalom reference till you put it into perspective. I'm like… what's skiing got to do with any of this.

        As a Hov fan I'm ashamed.

        Lola… wow…

        1. lol…that explains it then…i read this in the morning and thought what the heck has skiing got to do with this?…snow makes perfect sense now

      1. you weren't the only one #leftbehind…and i thought about ski slopes too…sooooooo…yeaaaaaaaaa…*lowers eyes to the ground*

      2. See, I knew what she was talkin bout right away. She's mentioned her foray into the world of nose candy over on 3-ways.

      3. Clearly my extra-sheltered self was imagining this going down in a log cabin with the Alps in the background…lol! Learn something new everyday…

    2. Usually I don't do this (post) but…

      Damnit Lola…I had to post because of your story!

      Mind you I read you're tale this am…and I thought it was rather cute…you and you're boo at the ski lodge, relaxing after a long day on the slopes….wrestling each other out of horrible looking ski gear…

      Man I'm naive.

      1. LaBakir girl you just made me spit my water out all over this desk and it came out thru my nose! That sh*t was too funny!!!!

        1. LMAO! I'm serious girl!

          You had me over here, left hand holding my head up…gazing at the computer screen like "I wish I had a boo to go skiiing with. That's so sexy."

    1. Eyeballs? I can't even lick my own nose and dude wanted you to lick an eyeball? Let alone while getting it on?!

      Ah hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

    2. I mean… your actual eyeball? Or the eyelid? Either way it's bad… but one is worse. You ain't puttin that germ ridden tongue on my EYEball… not happening.

  7. These tales of freakishness are not to be rivaled anywhere! I can't really even add anything all that freaky…I got snuck with the back door entry once…but, I was so into it….I went along with it..and it wasn't half bad..I'm still trying to take that all in……literally…lol.

    I think I still have alot more freak tales ahead of me….lol.

  8. My lack of stories may have something to do with when I started, where I lived/am living & the inconsistency of my love life. LOL. Today I will read, lurk & laugh.

    Carry on.

  9. My husband been trying to get into the back door for years. For some reason, try as I might, he has never gotten more than the head in. He now calls it "bootleg anal" LMAO.

    It is what it is.

      1. Girrrl…LOL. That's actually where I am with it….we still trying to work on more than the head goin in…that is hilarious! I gotta tell my SO about that reference…kill'd me!

      1. someone needs to put that in urbandictionary.com but Im waiting for an "official dictionary entry".

  10. I dated a guy that pulled out a strap-on during one of our late night bedroom sessions to use on him….I didn't say anything, I just got up put on my clothes and went home.

    1. I feel bad for dude (pause). Not that I am into that kind of thng. Dude felt comfortable enough to share that and he ended up getting played.

      1. Awwww. This is kinda true I guess. Lol. Slim & I were talking about if this is ghey on technicality. I'm thinking it's not attached to another man… maybe he just needed a spot taken care of *scratches head* Hm…

      2. Honestly I did feel bad after I walked out on him, but that's not something you just spring on a girl….I was so shocked when he pulled it out I didn't know what to do

  11. HA! This post is hilarious!! It seems to me that the older you get the more freaks approach you…I think it is because they have been there done that and would like to try something new. I'm been asked to do it all…well except scat (I just threw up thinking about it!) Swinger's parties, sucking man-toes, threesomes, golden showers, and honestly the only thing that really unnerves me and dries me up quick fast and in a hurry is when a man yells out stuff like…"Oh don't you like daddy's d*ck, and oh you are such a good girl" and nonsense like that …it just shuts me down, not because of any past trauma, it is just creepy to me.

    I also pause when the extra "bad man" types gets way too into it and act more feminine than I do in the bed. I expected some of that roughness I see in the streets to be also in the bed…not squealing/giggling and mess like that…’cause once his machismo goes so must he. LOL!

    1. you know how it goes…the older you get, the more your taste for anything evolves to some degree. the type of sex I had when I was 20 is calm in comparison to what I have now in my 30's. sex gets routine and you gotta throw some curveballs in there. Im not married…but do I know if one day I wouldnt mind being on some swinger ish? Id like to think NO…but I dont know…cause the type sex Im having NOW…i didnt nessecarily envision that.

  12. The following sums up how Dr. J feels about this post and comments, right now:

    "Well, here we are the four of us, in total shock me and her,

    I close my mouth,and swollow spit, as I'm thinking to myself this is some deep sh*t…..

    I yell "all of ya'll a**es crazy, let me up out this door", because this is way more than I bargoned for."

    – The Great Robert Kelly – Trapped in the Closet Part 3

  13. Lmao at all this. Craziest thing I've been asked for is a golden shower. I was cool with it as long ass my hair and face stayed dry. He was as giddy as a school boy, like it was his life long dream or something, lol.

  14. One of my exes asked me to bone his friend while he watched…that's not that weird plus the friend was sexy so I didn't mind.

    He also asked me to um….form a personal relationship with the gearshift of his car. 😐

    1. @ Max

      He also asked me to um….form a personal relationship with the gearshift of his car.

      Sorry, but this inquiring mind GOTS2KNOW… what was your response to that????? *sideye* 🙂

      1. Nah…in my mid 20's I got introduced to the swinger situations. believe, theres a whole UNDERWORLD to that game right there. was once in a situation where a white guy wanted me to come to his house and have sex with his wife. once I told some of my older friends, they looked at me like "you JUST got hip to this"?.

    2. I could probably do that! If the friend is sexy and I've been eyeing him, h*ll why not?! Lol all to please him…

      Now getting personal with the stick shift… um.. how that turn out? Yes curious minds do want to know!

  15. A fkuc pal wanted me to be his "leading lady" in an at home orgy. I'm nasty but not that nasty. I declined.

  16. This story is pretty tame but I'm still kinda horrified by it:

    So there was this kid on campus who was trying to kick it… HARD. He was actually kinda cute and had he have been a little less sleezy about his approach we mighta been able to work something out.

    Anywho… I'm out at a house party w/ the roomie one night and well… she ditched me for some d*ck. I ran into dude while looking for her. It had to be like 4:30 in the morning. He told me where she was which I was completely PO'd about. I was tired and now I had to walk home alone. Dude offered to walk me to my crib and while I was not trying to spend any alone time w/ him, it was super late, super dark, the streets were vacant and I was a good 20min walk from home. I figured I'd go with the devil I know and let him walk with me.

    He spends the entire 20mins kicking LAME game, "do you work out? you got a nice ass, it's all firm, you gotta work out?"… o_O…

    We get to my place and he ask for a hug goodbye which turned into what felt like an hour of dodging kisses, squirming out of groping hugs and explaining 50-11 times that he was NOT getting any. Eventually I just got tired decided it would be quicker just to f*ck him. He was tipsy and high and I knew there was no way this was gonna last more than 2mins. I know… I'm not proud of it, but dammit I was soooo tired and I just didn't have the energy to get aggressive and kick him out. He was kinda cute and if his game wasn't so wack I might've been more interested… (I've never felt more like a dude than at that moment).

    We go inside and he starts getting undress and I'm waiting impatiently, arms folded, sighing, waiting to get this thing over and done with when he takes down his pants to reveal a pair of HOLEY BOXERS, holes to the point where his BALLS ARE HANGING OUT said holes… O_O

    I was D-O-N-E!

    Are you SERIOUS!?!?!

    My second wind kicked in IMMEDIATELY and explained that he had to get the f*ck out my house. I have never seen something so appalling in my life… never had a pair of peanuts looked so sad. ::shutter:: I had to take two showers just at the thought that I even for two seconds I had ever considered letting him touch me.

    HOLEY BOXERS!??! WHERE THEY DO THAT AT?!!

    How do you put clean, ironed clothes on over a pair of drawers that look like you fashioned them out of your childhood blankie!?! Why do you even still own these?!?!

    I was never able to look him in the eye again. I see him around at alumni functions every now and then. He's all grown-up, married, good job… but I can't help but wonder if he's got those boxers on :-/

    Yuck!

    1. This is Hilarious… I love how you set that up… great story.

      It was probably like laundry week or something… IDK. He was supposed to pull the jeans and boxers off in one swift motion #FTW #Pause

    2. I usually never use acronyms, but LMMFHYAO! If your ba11s are hanging out of your draws, what's the point of wearing draws?

    3. How do you put clean, ironed clothes on over a pair of drawers that look like you fashioned them out of your childhood blankie!?! Why do you even still own these?!?!

      ^^^

      iHOLLERED!

    4. Great story. Lmao @MostInteresting. I have done that one motion trick. Some times you didn't expect to get lucky.

      I'm mad @ my girl Cherry though. You know how they have a sign that says 'dont feed the animals'. You were going to feed a wack negro just out of laziness. That encourages more wack game to be spit.

      While I'm not trying to tell you to be stingy with the goodie (b/c that is my only shot at getting some) I sure as hell don't want u to sleep with men you general have no interest in. the game has to have some kind of integrity. No inflated numbers, steriod era.

      1. @CheekZ – Don't worry, said sitchu would NEEEEVER go down in modern times. I was a rookie back then, I had been in the game less than a year and was in my "sex is overrated" phase Now a days we would have nipped all that sleezy holla mess in the bud upon first sleezy holla attempt and said walk home would have been just that. I have a strict policy against bad beats.

        I think somewhere around 22 I developed my "shut a nucca down" skills. Now I can do it w/o saying a word. Head tilt + screw face = game over

    1. I think my stories are pretty tame in comparison to others…still "wyld" in there own way…but Im starting to think Im not as crazy as I once was. Ive found in my "travels", that the more wyld I present myself to be, that the more likely a woman is to comare her "freak" to my "freak", and be open about what she likes…even if we're just cutty buddies. whats the point of having sex if its not gonna be mutually beneficial? my requests are pretty easygoing…I want a sloppy BJ, I want to you rock them cute 5 inch open toe pumps, I want you to wear a Gstring, or nothing at all. I have a lingerie fetish, yada yada yada. I know I got off track with this…but I had to let the world know…lol

    1. Now looking back I definitely question it, but since we were so out of our minds it didn't ring a bell… last I heard of him, he was still with the same girl he cheated on me with *shrugs*

        1. There's a difference, we was high out of our minds when all of this happened, and it would normally just include his cousin and his gf who became my bff later and now we don't talk (she's still doing the same ish that she was doing 4 years ago I'm past that)…

          He started cheating after we decided that we was going to be sober and not mess with that… I trusted him fully, obviously, but to do that? yeah no

    2. Sorry Streetz but I have to disagree with you on that…

      You be surprised how many 100%Straight/Hardcore/Ruff n Tuff/True Men will Turn all Soft-n-Pink with the ooos and aahhs during a session when you hit them with an unexpected blow to that region and before you know it…..

      they giving the proverbial afterglow warning.. "DON'T YOU EVER TELL ANYONE I LET YOU DO THIS TO ME"… — My Response: "Okay Papi don't worry I Gotchu….."

      #Trustmeonthis# *hardwink*

      1. Yup. Beads & Toys may be a biiiiiiitttt much. But I've definitely gotten and given the same response.

        “DON’T YOU EVER TELL ANYONE I LET YOU DO THIS TO ME”…

        — My Response: “Okay Papi don’t worry I Gotchu…..”

        1. Swindle Rule #2 – When it comes to women, the "i'll never tell" line is a direct swindle in your face. Know that they will tell someone. anyone. and write it in a blog.

          I dont care what pleasure exists in the anus, I'm 10000% good. I've almost kicked chicks out of my crib for even playing like that. -_____- <= my exact face before I say "get the eff out my house."

        2. BWHAHAHAHA. I never did tell. I personally, don't go near the arse (b/c it is not my favorite area — I don't even like man butt) w/o an indication that it is what HE wants. So 5 times out of 6 it is never an issue.

        3. Streetz: "I dont care what pleasure exists in the anus, I’m 10000% good."

          Cosign. Ignorance is bliss.

    3. This is actually my first time EVER telling this… I should have shared this story tho long before LMAO

      Streetz you don't eve like to have your salad tossed?

  17. My ex and I had a tendency to get "involved" when we were together. Meaning almost anything goes..

    However, one time we were in the backseat of his car (don't ask) and he asked to drink my p*ss. That might've been one of the few times where "anything di NOT go". I stopped, kindly told him "no, my p*ss belongs to me and the toilet" and got the h*ll up… (IRONICALLY, to go take a p*ss..) which was my way of creating some space and reflecting upon the "matrix moment" i was in..

    by the time i came back…

    Mood..

    Shattered…

    back when i was young and impressionable.. my dude asked to suck my toes (which i had never had done..) so i said a fearful "o…k…" he proceeded and it felt great.. the thing is that i'm extremely ticklish.. and in TRUE "40-year old virgin" style.. i kicked him in the face..

    #BAM

    he never asked to do that ish again…

    1. Girl, I think we've all ended up in the backseat. LOL

      I don't even get the fetishes some people have with p*ss being involved with sex.

  18. LOL Ms. Cherry ". I have never seen something so appalling in my life… never had a pair of peanuts looked so sad. " I'm a Scorpio so I usually request the "freaky " ! One dude wanted to give me a pearl necklace and his aim was off and some landed in my eye! Thats probably why i have a stigmatism now! Another occasion, I was giving some Hoover attention and this mans frosting tasted like salty mucous! So,There isn't much that will catch me off guard… EXCEPT the gargling and consumption of a mans frosting. Other than that let's go!!

    1. OMG This ish right here just made me bust laughing out loud!!!!

      My maintenance man just gave me the "O_o what's wrong with you look"

  19. Well I had this friend (side eye) lol

    And she actually got bit while receiving mouth to cl*t stimulation. I mean she bled for like 5 days after So this dude had to have tasted blood and he kept going WTH I thought, I mean she thought she would have to get stitches But was to shame to go to emergency I mean what do you say to the triage nurse? Can you even get stitches down there? Not only was every test under the sun requested including tetanus But there was major mental trauma Yes that from of s*xual activity got shut down for like and year or so

    Twilight m*tha —-

  20. Oh the same dude who wanted to snowball wanted a threesome, i thought about it till he asked for the 3rd people to be his LB then i looked like O__O…he was already way ahead of himself cause i still had my V card then…smh (i just remembered this).

        1. rotfl

          yo that can mean one of two things…

          1)that one is obvious.

          2)DPG and Snoop made the classic train song

      1. no idea but i deaded that idea…and then he brought up one of my sorors…-__-

        cheekz, it wasnt finna happen!

  21. Thank goodness his request was made on the phone before our date

    He asked how I felt about him craping on a glass table while hes underneath said glass table wacthing it all go down

    After the longest most uncomfortable pause ever in life

    I asked him to please loose my number and I quickly hung up

    WTH

    Who raises these type of people?

    1. "never put s**t past ANYBODY", or you'll stay being surprised. everyone has they "thang" I suppose…some just stranger than others.

  22. This post was the funniest!!!! I'm pretty much down for whatever the mood/moment brings… I say as long as I a can wake up with myself in the morning and not want to die, lets go! lol Also I figure the only way to know what I don't like is to try it at least once, wait I may have lied because the "take a load on my chest" is wrong on so many damn levels!

  23. Reading this has confirmed to me that I live a very tame sexual lifestyle… Head in the whip has NOTHING on some of the things y'all have been privy to!

  24. REQUEST TO GIVE A GOLDEN SHOWER!!! *yeahIsaidit*
    Ole boy begged and pleaded to “Drink my sweet Golden Nectar” so I quinched his thirsty azz *lmao*

    Morning Ya’ll

        1. "Whatchu mean sh*t on you…I might sh*t on you like after I hit it I won't call you no more, sh*t on you like that…talking bout no, she wanted to cock over her, and sh*t..on her stomach. I'm like what am I supposed to do after I sh*t on you, I'm 'posed to hit that after that? The chick all wilin' out…

          So BOOM….after I sh*ts on the b*tch right…"

          – C. Wallace

        2. "How do you feel about fetishes? If you never wanted for anything the rest of your life All of your bills would be taken care of" Is how it was proposed to me

  25. The 1st time I got choked by the neck during the do (Not Asphyxiation) Even though there may have been an initial shock, I did get into it to the point that I later found myself guiding his hand there, where we would then experience the big 0 together. It heightened the senses and Well that’s enough of that lol

  26. Who are these ni##az yall effin with. Phaaa 🙂 🙂

    Sound like the startin line up for the All Funboy team. And the second string for the All Psycho Squad.

    Phaaa 🙂 Dam…the most I do is smack a brawd in the face……with love of course……some like it rough. 🙂

        1. Phaaa Dam…the most I do is smack a brawd in the face……with love of course……some like it rough.

          ——————————————————————————-

          What!!!

          J, you just got selected as the new quaterback for #AllPsychoSquad 😀

        2. I'm not sure why this is so appalling to you, Shubby. I could easily see this happening, and frankly I'd much rather be into that, then having someone pee on me.

  27. I really don't have a great story. What I like about chex is chex, I don't really add anything to it (urine, feces, or plastic to make it nasty). Its all about just talking to that person and making the mood nasty.

    But y'all have entertained me so well I will try to return the favor: If you heard this story before I apologize b/c its the same as my Trojan house story I told on 3 ways. One time I tried to switch things up with wifey so I decided to role play a little. I told her she should pretend to be a girl that I just met at the club who I am having a one night stand with. So we come up with a background story and all that. Call her Laquisha or something. Put a ghetto wig on her. Those who know my wifey know she is a suburbanite, but we had her put on a hood accent. Drew fake ghetto tats on her with a pen on her arms and chest. We even mention her real identity during the romp: "I bet doesn't suck better than this." "O Laquisha I'm going to leave my girl for you." "But CHeeKZ you don't even know my last name" "Shut up and take this D you w&ore. You always give it up on the first night" Blah Blah Blah.

    So we switch to doggy and I am working it to a arrival. So I ask Laquisha where she wanted me to finish. Laquisha says to bust inside her. Since I am wearing a rubber (this is a one night stand. Gotta be safe) I think this is a great idea. My real wifey never lets me decorate her walls for fear of CHeeKZ Jr. So I let it go! Even though I didn't see it, I assure you that it was alot and it was a powerful stream, a year and 1/2 later, I still remember that nut. Than Laquisha says "o I feel it. All up inside me". I thought that was odd. I didn't know that little jump and twitch my thang does makes that big of a deal.

    So I pull out to congradulate my c0c% to his face on a job well done. I am shocked to find out He done broke st8 thru the rubber!

    Now I am scared b/c I cheated on my girl with this random jump off. I don't know a thing about her and she could potential be stuck with her for 18 years! Part of me just thinks, I can still get away without telling Laquisha. Maybe she wont remember where I live. If I take her home now, don't give her my number, she won't be able to track me down for child support. Wifey will never find out and it another ghetto child will never know its father.

    But than I am literally looking at her cooch gaping and pulsating and I can see the last bit of my kids get sucked up deeper inside and I snapped out of my fantasy and told wifey what happened.

    1. Now that's role playing @ its most thorough form (drawing fake tats on the chest and arms and everything…)

      Wowwwwwwww.

      Thanks for opening up! :o)

        1. @ Streetz

          TWSS – what's that? I'm over here racking my brain trying to figure it out..

    2. From the setup to the ending, this story has me in tears…

      I truly appreciate the sharing… Lol! That was some really planned and involved role playing right there. 🙂

  28. Phaaa Dam…the most I do is smack a brawd in the face……with love of course……some like it rough.

    ——————————————————————————-

    What!!!

    J, you just got selected as the new quaterback for #AllPsychoSquad

    ___________________________

    Tell you like I tell dem. Shut up and take dat!! 🙂

      1. LOL. Nah but really…we talkin very light smacks. Nothing to be scared of. Sorta like the Joe Pesci Italian Mob guy smack. 🙂 There's no real follow through.

    1. Tell you like I tell dem. Shut up and take dat!!

      ^^^#alldiddy take dat, dat dat…*diddy bops* sorry, couldn't help it

  29. OMG I can't stop laughing…THIS is a hilarious day. I'm not exactly sure why…but an alarming number of my ex's would request me to give them golden showers. I don't have the slightest problem with that. hehehehe

    ~ So I used to date this guy that was a little odd but I liked it right? Handcuffs…hog tie..wax…whatever right? He also had this fetish where he liked the lights off until right before the motherload arrived. He would stop and turn on the lights (of course ruining the flow of things but I digress) WELL…Iike I said I was fine with all of the aforementioned except one fine day…this fool was in the midst of his throws of passion and started yelling all kinds of "get it bit*h" at me with his eyes all bucked out of his head. Bit*h? I was done. Crickets.

    Now I know…y'all are goin…how the hell can she go with all the rest of that and get offended at THIS…lmao! That's not a turn on for me. He was F I R E D. Him and his handcuffs.

  30. Talk about thowing you and the mood way off

    One guy (who was a bit of a s*xual deviant) So I dont know why I was so shocked

    Left his muff on his night stand

    Yes an actual prostectic punnani

    I was like Didnt you know I was coming over? D*mn Way too much personal information and the visuals lol I needed another drink

    1. Phaa. 🙂 LOL Yall are killin me. Where are yall finding these dudes?

      Nothin says I love you like leavin your masterbation periphenalia around. LOL

  31. I'll agree with the other posters who said their s*x life is highly tame but I did have one guy who I was hooking up with and I was finally about to let him do the do when he asked to s*ck my feet (problem one) and when I said no he said… "well do you mine being f*cked with mine?"

    after kicking him out I was NEVER able to look him in the eye again. he was super fine too. ugh.

  32. LMAO !

    OMG, where did you find those crazy guys ? Just so that I don't end up with one of them… You make me feel like a virgin !

    turn off: scat, gag, pedophilic/incest tendancy, anything involving blood, plastic unless it's a condom, more then 2 protagonists (the 2nd should be a male).

    By the way, ''hello from France !''. Will be back in Toronto in less then 2 weeks*sigh*

  33. Y'all had me in stitches. I don't have any story to top all these.

    Some guy once asked if he could splash all over me while he watches it dry up. Hell to d effing No.

    Off to continue reading the comments!

  34. So…I had this friend, back in undergrad tell me. Her bf loved to have sweaty sex with her. And when I mean sweaty…he would lick her underarms and the back of her knees clean. I was so disgusted. 0_o…where do they find these people?? Is that what's hot in the streets?

  35. I haven't seen this fetish posted yet. I'm in love with a man who gets off sticking his tongue up my back exit. Literally, I spread the cheeks open (riding reverse cowgirl, straddling his face), he sticks his tongue in and out of there, and uses his right hand on his member until he peaks. It's amazing!

  36. I was seeing this guy for a while (we'd been hooking up for 5 or 6 months, casually), until last week when things came to a rather abrupt end. I had gone over there to crash after a night out, we had started fooling around and then all of a sudden I heard coughing..coming from his bedroom closet!!! When I asked him what the hell was going on, he tried to play it off as his buddy sleeping in the spare bedroom. I was drunk, but not that drunk. His friend in the closet turned out to be asthmatic, so I lent him my inhaler, at which point I discovered that not only was there a strange man in the closet, but he was also NAKED. Definitely the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me. I guess I'm lucky his asthma blew his cover? Lol

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