This is just plain old wrong.
The bible says that you should be equally yoke with the people you associate with. Most people don’t date outside their race, but that’s changing in 2010. However, are you more willing to date outside of your religion than you used to be? I think so. I think that as people are growing, or as the world goes left, people are starting to join hands regardless of their religion. What does that say about society? Are we all going to hell, or are we all converting to one faith? After all isn’t that what the corollary would be with interracial dating?
I asked myself this question. I knew that I had dated outside my religion several times in life, but did I regret it? No I didn’t. I appreciated it. My thoughts on religion are very different. And for good reason, I rarely ever discuss them with anyone. I find it funny that Christians want to tell everyone how great their God is, when they’re one of the younger religions on earth. My whole life I always felt like they were trying to convince someone of something that was sovereign, didn’t make much sense to me. I liken it to going around trying to tell someone that the sky is blue, why do you need to convince me of something that is quite obvious? But I always thought that my spirituality was a personal relationship that I had with how I came to grips with the logic surrounding my existence. My religion was how I chose to practice that logic.
I believe that we are not here by chance, but I don’t believe that just because you aren’t a Christian you are going to hell, or not going to be in heaven. I practice a form of Christianity, let me be clear, I practice a form of Christianity. I personally don’t think that God is absolute, so I don’t believe in the concept of heaven and hell, the way most do. There are just so many exceptions to the rule that a god would have to consider. Anyway, that’s not the point.
The point is my spirituality is my journey, and it’s a personal journey. My journey is very different than that of my mother’s and will be much different than that of my wife. I remember when I first developed a close friendship with a person who was Muslim. She challenged me to think of things that I have never thought of before, I was astonished and wanted to learn more. Though I didn’t want to convert to Islam, I wanted to know what they believed and what they stood for. I can say the same as for when I decided to join a Black Greek lettered organization and was asked to study the Egyptian Book of the Mysteries, and read the Book of the Dead. (Deep stuff if you should ever choose to read.) It was then when I came to the realization that it’s not my job to tell someone how to get to heaven. Hell, no one knows for a fact but the creator. I’ll let him sift this one out later on. And I also considered that there are people who believe in Hinduism or Buddhism that will never hear a word about Christianity in their life, does this mean they will never find Nirvana?
So like I said, my journey is personal. I’m not looking to my left or my right to confirm my faith, I’m looking to God, #zoranealehurtson. (#subliminaldraketweet). So in my opinion, I can date, and I can marry a person who doesn’t practice the same faith as me, and if that person should so happen to be atheist, so be it. Albeit, most atheists are agnostic and just don’t know it. Ask the vegans, about wordplay.
Minor note, I think that if you are going to raise children together you should probably discuss how you will handle religion, prior to marriage. Personally, I’d like to present my children with all the information and let them make their own decisions.
With that said, I’d like to know your thoughts. Consider this Dr. J submitting a letter to the massive that is the SBM readership. Be nice, because you’re talking to the guy who went to a pastor of a church, a woman with a Ph. D in Theology from Harvard and debated why Christians do not teach their believers about other faiths, I think I won.
LET’S SET SOME GROUND RULES: First, this is not an open call for evangelists. Second, don’t insult anyone for their beliefs or religion. I will be blocking any person who sends hateful comments. Lastly, I always think the best things come in threes and always run out of things. So I guess there’s only two rules. Enjoy.
This is a great post Dr. J.
*side note: since the post is religion based, all of your guy's advertisement all of a sudden are "religion/god" related. Lol
Like you, I also have dated/date outside of my religion/beliefs. I was raised as a Pentecostal Christian. Enough said. My beliefs as of now have changed and broaden and I've come to question a lot of the things that I've learned since when I was young.
With that being said, at the end of the day I want to be with someone who either has the same types of beliefs or thoughts. I want to be able to relate in all aspects with my partner and religion has to be one of them, even if its not the same one.
Very interesting article.
I will say that as I venture out of my ethnicity into others(as far as dating) this is something that I often think about and my only concern that comes into play is the different modes in which my mate and I will choose to do when it comes to certain things as in raising our kids, our marriage life if it ever gets to that point.
I no longer believe that there is only one right or one way as I get older I find other religions to be distinctive and even something that I or anyone can learn a thing or two from.
I am not religious in any aspect. I've always felt that my relationship with my religion was just that, MINE.
I'm sure a lot of us grew up in a home in which religion was enforced upon us and to be honest at times that just pushed me away.
As I have gotten older though, I have found peace with my choice and I am satisfied with that.
I've dated quite of few guys with different religions and in the end parted ways but it was not because of our religion.
However you deal with it, just make sure you and your partner are on the same page especially if it gets to the point of marriage and children.
Great post Dr. J
When I clicked to reply, I was pretty certain you were a newcomer; however, I'm not so sure now. *shrugs*. Well, just in case, welcome!
Great post. I am agnostic while Mum and Dad are Muslim and Christian. I date the person so I have never excluded based on religion. My Mum helped me visit tons of faiths as a child and that led to my current position.
I couldn't date or marry someone who didn't practice the same religion as me because the things I learned growing up as well as the things I have studied on my own influence the way I view the world and how I act on a day to day basis so if we are not in tune on that it will.not.work. Especially when it came to the kids, that would be a nightmare, cause my children ARE going to church on Sunday.
I also agree that my relationship with God is mine and noone else's. No matter how many Sundays my mama is in church she cannot get me into Heaven.
Self-study was stressed A LOT in my home with everything from math to relgion and I appreciate that because even as a child when someone asked me about my faith I could give them scripture instead of "my mama/pastor said…"
that pic is hilarious! and i'll probably be going to hell for laughing so hard.
I'm Catholic and since my very first boyfriend, i haven't dated anyone within my religion (and i would love to get married in a Cathedral). I think it is fine to date others outside of your religion (i would hope that the person believes in some Higher Power but i would cross that bridge if i ever got to it) just as it is fine to be friends with people outside of your religion as well (My best friend is Hindu & i find not only the religion but the culture fascinating). If you have relatives outside of your religion, does that make them any less of a family member to you? I don't think it does! A person should not be counted out cause they don't celebrate the same faith because they aren't any less of a person. Everyone is different, including the way they practice their faith whether they go to church every Sunday or they just stay at home and pray alone…I think that, like any other difference, a person's faith or lack thereof should be respected.
So far I haven't dated across religious lines..but, I have very good friends who are other religions..and we get along just fine. But, its a horse of a different color …but, I will never say never…..
A very thought provoking post.
I took this religion class when I was in school and I remember my professor telling us that everyone follows some form of religion…even atheist. Cause really all religion is following a specific set of beliefs.
I've never dated anyone outside my religion before. Even though it would be nice to date and marry someone with the same faith as me, I wouldn't be against it. I personally believe that we're all worshiping the same God, just in different ways.
To me, God is Love and maybe "your" God looks a bit different from "mine"…and that is cool. I am Hindu and like going to temples, churches (I have a soft spot for Infant Jesus), Tibetan temples (how cute is the Dalai Lama!), etc….one house of god is the same as another one to me…it's a time for moi and God to chat for awhile, connect, etc. I have dated non-Hindus before and have no issues with doing it again…what I did have an issue with is when my college boyfriend told me that he would marry me ONLY if I converted to his religion…I said, "What did you say? If I want to convert out of my own choice, then so be it, but I can't be forced to convert since it would only be in name and not in heart/faith/practice. Besides, you oughtta love me for ME and not for my faith solely! So goodbye you college boyfriend you." I suppose you could say I am greedy, I like all gods and I don't want to be forced to pick just one since they are all pretty great!
Side note: My Hindu cousin married a Christian girl…and they have a prayer room where they pray side by side, to their Gods. It's one of the nicest things to see! 🙂
Please can u recommend a good english translated copy of the book of the dead for me?…I used to be into Egyptology…mainly late kingdom but i veered into the late dynastic era with Ramses II. Cheers in advance
i know this is about dating but i want to say My dad's muslim but my mum's christian…let's just say it's true u have to decide together how u should raise your kids…I hated that we had 2 muddled thru…and oh boy do tensions still get high in the house when it's about religion.
I still believe in God as absolute but I came to realise it's very much my journey. I looked at other religions and I liked the fact that Christ sought us out…it's like God reaching down to us to help us up instead of just us looking up to God. So I chose to get baptised and confirmed as an adult. That didn't stop me having a serious fallout out with a friend when she said all muslins wouldn't go to heaven…that's half my family. I told her to STFU with her poison. I don't do that divide and rule crap. I respect u for being a good human being.
As I go thru life I know it's important to me to share similar values in a union so I don't think I can marry an atheist. if we're are talking FWB then yes i can do that if there are no serious long term prospects of us staying together.
I’m gonna say this last piece on religion then jump off my soap box… Religions to me are more like ‘guide’ books… and not ‘how to’ books…
Looking at stories common to both the Qu'ran and the Bible (like the abraham, issac and ishmael story) exposes that there were #swindles on both sides! …spin doctors existed back then too! So for me it's about the message. Let's not get pinickity about the words.
Maybe the atheists are on to something cos what I don't like about religion is the world has used it to run amok. When mixed with political machinery it's operated only for self interest; which is hilarious cos spiritual growth requires an absence of self. So it's no surprise to me that for thousand of years atrocities have been committed in the name of religion because people were forced fed a version that required them to fear God. Sadly it all goes to show that humans haven't evolved past their basic instincts. Example of this is the story of abraham, issac and ishmael. Looking at what has been happening around us around the world, I stand by the fact that that story helped to glorify and perpetuate the myth of sacrificing life in the name of God if taken at its word.
Why I can’t support atheism is because I believe in God as an absolute. For me God is love. Love can be everyone's truth if you choose it no matter your path to God. Ghandi, Mother Theresa and the Dalai Lama are all gonna make it to heaven…it might not be the same heaven but it's heaven as they each know it. Divine dichotomies exist #belivethat
I don't really consider myself religious so, yes, I could date somebody outside of my religion. We may believe the same way but not the same things or believe the same things but not the same way. And they may not believe at all. It's their perogative. If we mesh, we mesh. If our practices and beliefs can't jive well enough for us to live our lives without conflict, then we're not meant to be.
I believe in God and I try to live my life in a way that makes sense to me which could be deeply rooted in my faith in God and could be based on what I have learned in life (or both). I have dated people that were more religious than I am and the only issue we ever had was the pressuring me to attend church and questioning my unicorn status ("So, if you don't go to church, then why aren't you having sex?"). Aside from that, everything was pretty good.
Anyway, I think the KEY is understanding and accepting that no matter your partner's spiritual or religious beliefs, you respect them . .. even if they differ. I look at my aunt, a Christian, and my uncle, a Muslim. They accept and respect each other's practices and beliefs. Their children were allowed to choose whatever they pleased. The oldest two are leaning toward Christianity and the youngest is leaning toward Islam. I respect them so much for that.
d(^_^)b on the post
I'm [Roman] Catholic but I've never let that get in the way of a relationship. Hell, I don't even ask. [Speaking of hell, I died at the Jesus inspired YMCA. Hilarious! #noJesusPunOrJokeIntendedWHATSOEVER]
As mentioned, when two people get together, they need to discuss how they'll raise their kids so that it doesn't become an issue. But then again, the kids – with enough information, knowledge and exposure – will be able to make their own decisions. I embrace all religions. But I detest ignorance when it comes to religion. If thou does not knoweth, thou shalt not speaketh. So please husheth. (I tried to get something that rhymed. LOL but I failed. Womp womp. But great post.)
Tread lightly folks. =) Praise (insert your choice of higher being)
#wordtotheRomanCatholics! #highfive & #fistpump lol
This post makes me want to sit in a quiet open space for days and ponder this. I, too, believe faith is a personal journey (whatever faith you profess). My faith of choice is the Christian faith. I was raised Pentecostal, but eventually went non-denominational, because I felt denominations have created a brand of Christianity that is centered on ritual rather than faith.
Would I date outside my faith? I have never given this any considerate deliberation. But now that I think about it, I believe my spiritual journey is the foundation for my life's values -a lot of my values are based on my faith. I HOPE that when faced with the decision 'to date or not to date' someone of a different faith, I will look at the person's value system: how does their faith translate into the person they are, the children they will raise, the principles they hold dear -rather than what faith they profess.
And I hope they will be looking at me for my value system too.
nice thought process… ^5
Did I answer the question, after all this? 🙂 The answer is No, I could never date, marry an atheist. He has to believe in God. It may not be the God of my Christian faith, but he has to believe in God, whomever he perceives that to be.
Now, I'm picturing you sitting in an open space. I agree that I would base that decision on the person's value system.
I'm agnostic but am the "son of a preacher man." Raised in a Christian household, I eventually adopted the faith as my own (mid-teens) and ironically wouldn't date outside my faith. Why? Religion/Spirituality, if a priority, shapes your worldview, behaviors, hopes, money management (read: tithing, donations, etc.) and I really wanted to share something I treasured with the women I dated.
In my early 20s I became agnostic. There were many reasons, one of which was meeting people of different and sometimes no particular faith who could teach me a thing or two about how to live and be a good person.
As an agnostic of course I'm open to dating women of other faiths. Naturally I tend to be attracted to women with some form of spirituality. But I'm very hesitant to date a woman who's so into her faith that it could cause problems down the road. In my experience, it really does pay to have an honest discussion about it before things get too serious.
One last thing. The older I get the less clear the definition of a Christian, Muslim, etc. is for me. There are people who let their faith permeate everything they do. Others don't take things so literally but try to live by the basic principles. This last group perplexes me when they say religion is a deal-breaker for them; most faiths have common ground on love, forgiveness, and overall morality. Although I don't understand it, I'm glad they're clear on what they want…for my sake. Oh and if this is you please do share – I'd love to hear your perspective.
Today will be a busy day at the office so I only have one comment. People are stupid. Really really stupid. And w/ that being said, humans have consistently taken beautiful things like Christianity and Islam and Judaism and other religions and morphed them into some sick sh*t to use for their own sick purposes.
i personally couldn't marry a woman who was not a Christian…i mean, she doesn't have to be a 24/7 Holy Roller Crip-walkin-down-the-aisle-Christian…but she has to believe.
This made me laugh… like from my belly.
Dr. J: "Be nice, because you’re talking to the guy who went to a pastor of a church, a woman with a Ph. D in Theology from Harvard and debated why Christians do not teach their believers about other faiths, I think I won."
Well, given the blinkered products in pulpits across America and that a lot of people who have been attending church for years still go to the table of contents to find books, this isn't exactly saying much. And it also explains why we have an enervated Chrisitanity today.
Could I date someone of another faith? No. Tried it. We almost had a fist fight when she tried to tell me I couldn't eat bacon.
LQTM.
I'm picturing Ali knockin a broad out over some bacon. Tee hee.
Great post. Happy to see other people have this same type of thought process when it comes to faith. I'm pretty anti-organized religion, even though I do believe in God. I always imagine Him looking down on us, seeing what we've done to the practice of faith, and saying, "These nuccas just do NOT get it!"
However, I can understand and respect someone's desire to ascribe to any particular belief system. So, I don't care if the person I date is religious or not. I do want my choice to not follow any religion respected, though, just as much as I respect someone's choice to practice it. Though I hope I'm wrong, I think it's a bit naive of me to assume that someone who is devoted to their faith could enter into a serious relationship with someone like me.
Interesting topic. I met a gentleman a while back that I adored. He was a good man from all accounts…loved nature, loved life…philanthropist…didn't drink, didn't curse and was kind to every stranger he met. We got along great…then came the religion topic. He's an atheist. I am spiritually grounded and although raised Catholic…I converted to Baptist. I've never met an atheist, or maybe I had and didn't know it because that's not the first topic of conversation usually! Nonetheless I was astounded at his "belief" system…in awe. Not in a critical way. He seemed to believe that our differences would not be an issue…I disagreed. I don't care "who" you believe in…but in order for "us" to make it, I need you to believe in "someone". Funny how our conversation ended…he told me I was wrong to believe in God. And I said…well sweetie…when I leave this world behind..I would rather believe and be wrong then NOT believe and be wrong. No more was said on the topic.
We're still friends…still think he's a wonderful man…just not a man I could be emotionally tied to.
I respect this point of view, but I could never marry an atheist. Someone of another faith maybe, but not an atheist.
There are a lot of reasons for this; not the least of which is the fact that to me having to navigate a huge difference like this is baking problems into a relationship that is extremely difficult to maintain even in the best circumstances. (Same reason I wouldn’t marry outside my race).
It’s also because of my family; although my parents are kind of “quiet Catholics” who believe but don’t go to mass or do anything Catholic-y, my extended family is very faithful and it would be a huge blow to them to see me in a permanent union with someone who doesn’t believe. There would be pray downs and much despairing of the fact that I won’t be joining my family in the promised land. There are people in my family who probably wouldn’t let their children come to my house and would consider me a negative influence. That may seem extreme but that’s the equal yoke concept put into practice right?
And even though I’m a wayward woman, my faith informs everything I do. I don’t want to embark on a path with someone who doesn’t factor faith into his navigation plan. Especially if it’s a husband who I expect to be the head of my household.
So yeah – I can’t marry an atheist. To be honest I don’t even want to be friends with an atheist. In my experience, while faithful people have a nasty habit of proselytizing and trying to convert everyone to their way of thinking, atheists have a tendency to try to chip away at my beliefs. They ask “tough questions” and want me to explain why God does this or that. Refusing to answer or explaining that it’s not my place to know the answer leads to more questions and more prodding and a higher expectation of justification. And maybe it’s a genuine desire on their part for understanding; maybe it’s a fear of what examining my faith might lead to that makes me find these types of conversations so unappealing, maybe if my faith was stronger I’d have less of a problem defending it. Either way I just don’t feel comfortable being close to someone who doesn’t believe in a higher power of some kind.
max: "In my experience, while faithful people have a nasty habit of proselytizing and trying to convert everyone to their way of thinking, atheists have a tendency to try to chip away at my beliefs. They ask “tough questions” and want me to explain why God does this or that."
I guess I'm the opposite. I've accepted Christianity for personal reasons (some things I've witnessed people wouldn't even believe), but also for intellectual reasons. Most people don't go very far beyond Old Testament stories and Jesus' crucifixion, and never discuss Christianity in an intellectual light. One of my best friends is agnostic, and I appreciate when people ask me the "tough questions". It helps them learn, brings me closer to God and refines my thinking.
Sadly I've found out that most people know virtually nothing of the religion they believe in, much less any others, so many conversations end up being very shallow. It's usually respectful, but boy do I love a sh!t-talking atheist that comes with that "religion is stupid/evil/imaginary" refrain! Or maybe I just love to debate. I need help.
I think the key difference is having made a conscious decision to embrace Christianity versus having been brought up in it.
If you go through a rational thought process before arriving at your beliefs I guess it's easier to articulate them. For me trying to explain why I believe is like explaining why I breathe air – um, because I have to?
Can't really explain it any better than that.
I couldn't have said it better myself!
I also find that once someone finds out I'm a Christian, they'll try certain things to "trip me up".. Once you drop your faith into it, there's no room for error. They don't understand that I'm "under construction" with no completion date in sight…
"Once you drop your faith into it, there’s no room for error. They don’t understand that I’m “under construction” with no completion date in sight…"
VERY well said. This is how I feel as well. Life…spiritual or any other is a journey…
I am reading this comment on the berry and the name doesn't show up till the end. I'm thinking to myself. Jeez who is this girl. Why to not keep an open mind. Than I saw Max' name…
i can't even front. not going to even pretend like I don't care.
THIS POST ACTUALLY HURT MY FEELINGS. Like seriously.
Dude the girl said "I don't want to be your friend if you don't believe what I believe" Literally. Literally. My home girl Max. My MAX! I had to scroll up and down a couple of times bc I couldn't believe it.
Oh CHeeKZ you know I love you stillllll.
We just can't thronx because I'm a little worried you might brainwash me via your seeds.i can't even laugh at this.
icant. sorry.
i know its the internet. But you are e-close to my heart. I think the world of you and who you are.
and you just spit in my face.
fuck it. ican't. i seriously can't.
Well Damn!
Cheekz…do you need a hug? f*ck it, i'll give you one anyway! ((((Hug cheekz)))) =0)
@max
What is a "pray down"?
I took a class in high school that had us read books/texts from 5 religions (hindu, buddist, christian, jewish, muslim) and I remember thinking that the major take away message from them all were be good, seek not to harm, respect yourself, and respect others.
So to me the only difference between me (a catholic) and someone else are the "rules" that seek to carry us to that valued destination. With that being said, there are some rules do would not feel comfortable practicing for the sake of my spouse so that wouldn't work- but everything else I'm open to.
I feel some kind of way about atheists though- as my spouse are you looking down on me for what you feel are silly ways of seeing things or do you understand why I feel the way I do? That to me would make the difference.
That last paragraph would probably be a big reason that a lot of religious folks would not date/marry an atheist. Wondering if they are laughing at you to themselves because you believe in a God that they equate to Santa.
For me I couldn't because I want my other whole to believe the same as I do. I see it has worked for some other people but I don't want to add another dynamic to a marriage or a relationship. Plus I want to go to church as a family. Now if my kids decide to do their own thing so be it. I love everybody and have befriended and dated those who don't believe as I do. The dating never worked because they wanted me to convert to Islam and that wasn't happening. I never pressured them about coming to church with me or reading the bible with me. So I don't want that kind of pressure. I consider myself a Christian of no denomination because I grew up Pentecostal and to ME the majority of their "rules" are crazy and man made. What I believe is in the bible and not what some man tells me. So I want someone who believes how and do or similar at least.
I've grown up in a Christian home. I rebelled, of course and then found my own way. I'm Christian, plain and simple.
I have no problem with other religions as long as it doesn't impact my life for the negative. Extremists impacted my life for the negative (9-11)
Considering the next time I get in a relationship it will probably be for keeps, then I need to marry/date a Christian. Marriage (and dating) have enough issues alone without religion being one of them.
I don't want to have an argument as to why the man should be the head of the household. There's just so many things I don't want to argue about.
But that's my life. I do expect my children to research other religions and make up their minds for themselves. I didn't have that choice and I rebelled like a mutha! I have a problem with the people that follow blindly without researching and delving into it to figure out if that's what's for you..
i often tell my mother that if she'd known Jim Jones, she would've drunk the kool-aid.. she's that mindless.. (i give it to my mother straight..)
I LOVE egyptology, the Book of the Dead scares the bejesus outta me.. (little side note)
There's other points that i don't want to get into. I just know where i stand..
I'm a Christian. And as I've grown in my faith, it shapes the way I operate and think. My whole life is embedded in my beliefs so I couldn't marry someone who didn't share those beliefs. It just wouldn't work. When I think of a life partner, I want someone who is in tune with me, someone who can know what I'm thinking before I say it. That's the kind of connection I need. In all marriages, there will be problems that arise, but the main issue is how can two people walk together unless they at least agree on where they're going?
I completely agree with you. I could only date a Christian because my religion affects all that I do, feel, say and think. Many Christian beliefs are universal truths, and I believe people who share a spiritual belief are more apt to share a spiritual connection, and are able to stronger as couple and marriage.
Only 2 rules ftw.
I've been to hell and back with religion. Grew up in Catholic school, decided God didn't make sense "logically", realized Atheism seemed as closed minded as some religions and became agnostic (then became a vegan, j/k), then had a good experience in church and became a Christian, then realized I'm not sure how much I believed Jesus was a real life super hero and stopped using labels altogether.
Got booted out of a couple relationships due to my religious confusion and my current one tends to have tremors when Jesus talk comes up.. So what it comes down to for me? Keeping an open mind. That's what I want for my kids and that's what I want my significant other to allow for me, cuz I'm probably gonna be a Buddhist tomorrow..
I would date any religion as long as I was with a genuinely good person and they didn't want to force their beliefs on me or our potentially confused half mulatto baby.
Good post
*waves* Welcome! I love how you carry the description mulatto as part of your moniker, just to make sure there's no confusion. LOL
Sorry due to work changes I have a can't be more active in the comments. However I just want to point out that the most successful relationship in this country is a marriage to an atheist. Our divorce rate is less than 3%. We are people of a smart and honest brand. If u r looking for a man… Get with an atheist.
Now this isn't a fact. Just my opinion but I think our approach to life and living in the moment makes for a great partnership. You want to build a life with someone who is calm and practical. Not saying we have a monopoly on practicality but its a trait I have noticed amongst my fellow Jesus haters
Lastly I hear a lot of dogma people saying that they need someone of the same faith bc they want to raise their children in that faith… What about what the kids want? I always regretted he fact that my mom forced a religion upon me. Certain people treat religion like slavery. Meaning the slaves of forced to believe whgt their owners practice. Its my soul and it should be my choice. R u really taking Ur child to service for his soul or your own arrogance?
Be back at lunch…
CHeeKZ, you were one of the posters that I really wanted to hear your opinion on this topic.
"Lastly I hear a lot of dogma people saying that they need someone of the same faith bc they want to raise their children in that faith… What about what the kids want?…Certain people treat religion like slavery. Meaning the slaves of forced to believe whgt their owners practice. "
I understand what you are saying here, but I feel parents providing religious direction was a good thing. I guess I should ask this: if a parent shouldn't provide religious direction, is providing any moral direction at all akin to slavery? Should the child be able to draw his moral, religious and philosophical direction with no input from the parents at all?
Just want to get the discussion going.
I did, so I guess I don't really view this as a bad thing. *shrugs*
you know I had to be here to defend my PEOPLE! Look at some of the things that are being said about my kind. Its like being in a interracial relationship and having people tell you about how it is wrong b/c it is hard. Yeah its HARD but its worth it. I AM WORTH IT. First thing about being a man of a household, don't tell me I need some faith to be the man of a household. That is a complete contradiction.
I am not going to knock a parent for teaching their kids their morals or faiths even more so than any others. Heck I am a Mets fan and I would be crushed if my son rooted for the Phillies. Same with being Pro-choice. But the way some believers talk "my kids have to go to mass on sunday. blah blah blah. I force my will on people. Blah". If you FORCE someone to go to church isn't that a fail??!
CHeeKZ: ”you know I had to be here to defend my PEOPLE!”
I knew you would (with limited amount of time), which is why I wanted to hear your perspective.
“But the way some believers talk “my kids have to go to mass on sunday. blah blah blah. I force my will on people. Blah”. If you FORCE someone to go to church isn’t that a fail??!”
You said some, so I agree with that. But to the question: If you force people, yes it’s a fail. If you force your children, I’d say no. No more than teaching your children to respect women, be polite, etc. If it’s wrong to impute religion, how is it correct to impute morality at all? Shouldn’t the kid figure that out for himself as well? This isn’t an attack, I’m really just trying to get a different point of view.
“I am not going to knock a parent for teaching their kids their morals or faiths even more so than any others. Heck I am a Mets fan and I would be crushed if my son rooted for the Phillies. Same with being Pro-choice.”
If you don’t root for the Brewers, you and your son are going to straight to hell in a handbasket wearing a gasoline Triple Fat Goose!
Interesting topic. Most of the time, this conversation comes up when it is about relationship with people different religions, but when one has no faith in anything, that's different.
I am a Christian, but not a bible thumping, judgemental kind. My religion influences my morals, my personal code honor and how I treat people. I couldn't date an athiest because being with someone that shares my beliefs makes the bond tighter. I have nothing against other religions either because I feel like all religions are just different paths to the same goal: oneness with God. Christianity is my path.
I have no desire to date outside of my religion which I would call Christian Buddhism. But anyway…people act according to their beliefs. That's why I very much consider religion and politics in who I date. See if you believe it will rain you will carry and umbrella. If you believe a plane will crash you will not go on the plane. Your religion and your politics is what you believe about the people and universe. They determine how you will interact and treat people. So no way could I date an atheist. Or people from many other religions.
It's funny how people can date outside their religion but can't get past certain physical characteristics. When according to most religions our beliefs should be the first and only consideration when choosing a partners.
Oh and I own a Koran, some Dharma, some books on Hinduism and of course a Bible. Been studying world religions for years. But really don't have time to get deep with yall today. 🙂
Oh and I work with Native American tribes so I've prayed to the Creator and the Great Father and purified with smoke.
Where's your Kebra Negast?
great post dude. i think you did a great job with a very sensitive subject. i agree with much of what you wrote. i'm a Christian but like you i would never push my personal beliefs on anyone else. i'm not a bible thumper but i do attend church and bible study on occasion. one of my friends is the pastor of the largest church in nashville. i still never found it necessary to push what i believe on anyone. my journey to salvation is just that, mine.
now to my personal beliefs. i do want to marry someone who's beliefs are in line with mine. i believe that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. I believe in the Holy Trinity. I just can't see spending the rest of my life with a woman who doesn't believe the same. so many things i do in my life are based on Christian beliefs and ideals. when i get up and go to church Sunday mornings i would like for my wife and children to attend church with me. it's one of the few things i appreciated about my childhood. my family always attended church together.
"I decided to join a Black Greek lettered organization…"
funny you brought this up. my bglo is based on Christian manhood (can't speak for other bglo's). what i never understood is why men of different religious backgrounds decide to join my organization. no slight to them but i've always been curious.
Sigma has some Christian based beliefs but at conferences & what not, we try (try being the operative word) to accommodate all belief systems…
I had to think for a minute before I decided to respond to this post. To be honest, I wasn't going to respond but with a little push of inner power and a response from the writer himself, I'm here to breathe life into my thoughts. I am a woman of Christian faith and I'm very passionate about beliefs(and when I say that I don't mean that walk around with a bible under my arm or a cross around my neck bigger than the one Jesus died on because I'm imperfect). I believe that God is absolute and when He mentions being equally yoked I believe that he was referencing to the spiritual vibrations of the people involved. In friendships and relationships it is the responsibility of all parties involved to feed each other spiritually. We are suppose to exchange spiritual nourishment and spiritual energy. Did God specifically say that we had to connect or marry within "our religion"? No. Did he say that we couldn't date or marry any one from other religious backgrounds or that were atheist? No, because ultimately come judgement day you have to be held accountable for your actions. With that being said, I don't believe that God will punish you for doing the things that He wishes all man to do. He expects mankind to show and give compassion, love, trust and the list goes on. But let me not get too heavy on that.
In my experience, the last man I engaged in a relationship with was the very first person of my same religious walk that I've ever dated. I've dated Atheist, Muslims, Buddist, Hindus, and so on. However in those relationships it always seemed to be a void in the spiritual connection department. We couldn't satisfy each other spiritually, on both ends. The interesting thing about those experiences was we were both trying to give and compromise so that we could find equal ground spiritually; but we ultimately ended up loosing ourselves in the midst of it all. I wanted and needed a man that was going to satisfy my spiritual appetite and I didn't receive that until my last relationship. I'm not knocking dating or marrying outside of your religion if you can make it happen and be successful more power to you! However from my experiences thus far, its just not my cup of tea.
When people say that religions are so similar…I wonder if they have really independently studied them. Do you own a Koran? Dharma? Vedas? The world's religions are very very different in my opinion.
J: "When people say that religions are so similar…I wonder if they have really independently studied them."
I was going to say the same thing, but I'm trying not to stir the pot too much. Just because most religions generally deal with some generic definition of "goodness" doesn't mean they are similar.
Exactly!! All religions don't even say be good. What if you are a Peagan or Devil Worshiper.
And all religions that say "be good" do not have the principle of equnimity. That is being good to everyone the same. Many religions alow you to treat people different based on skin color, gender or ethnicity.
J: "And all religions that say “be good” do not have the principle of equnimity."
Yep. Add to that what exactly does "be good" mean anyway? What metric is used to define it?
Mark 10:17-18 – And when he was gone forth into the way, there came one running, and kneeled to him, and asked him, Good Master, what shall I do that I may inherit eternal life? And Jesus said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God.
Another question is how people interpret / practice religion. Within each religion, sect, creed there are dozens of interpretations to fit the modern world we live in. And in my experience many people don't really go that deep but draw on the general principles and from my perspective lead a lifestyle which, morally speaking, is generally similar across the board. This is why I don't understand why religion is such a deal-breaker for people who barely crack their Bible, Qu'aran, etc. beyond weekly service, TV service…however you get your fellowship in. In short I'm asking, if you don't focus on the particulars…what's the difference?
@ J – The more you study religion, the more you realize that religion might be a sham. However, once you study religion, you realize that a lot of what people think is religion is a denomination, or a religion. You will realize that religion is very gray, or brown. It all comes together at some point. Everybody is searching for some void in their life. An explanation. And for some a bunch of people to agree with them.
@ Hugh Jazz – People who study Divinity, don't crack the bible. People who study Theology at Harvard crack every book. You can't get that degree without knowing what you're talking about. The reason why I think Christians don't talk about other relationships in church is simple, Money.
Does anyone even know what the Crusades was about? They might have sold you on that God thing, but allegedly we were in Iraq for Democracy. If you smell what the Rock is cooking.
"@ Hugh Jazz – People who study Divinity, don’t crack the bible. People who study Theology at Harvard crack every book. You can’t get that degree without knowing what you’re talking about. The reason why I think Christians don’t talk about other relationships in church is simple, Money."
You are correct, most don't. It's shocking how ignorant many ministers are about history, philosophy, and other religions, but they definitely know that Bible from cover to cover. I don't see that as a good thing, and it is why so many people get tripped up with easy questions like, "if there's a god, why do bad things happen?" and make ignorant statements like how religion causes war.
"Does anyone even know what the Crusades was about? They might have sold you on that God thing, but allegedly we were in Iraq for Democracy. If you smell what the Rock is cooking."
Most people don't know what they were about. Most people don't know there was more than one, and most that do don't know many of them, especially the latter ones, had little to do with religion. The Iraq thing still doesn't make sense. Ignorance all around. It's like the bible says, my people are destroyed for lack of knowledge
Great Post!
I would want to marry someone along my same religious lines. Just avoids confusion. never averse to dating outside my religion though..
I do say that atheists are a wrap with me. You believe in NO higher power? Actually goes against science too, but I dont want to get all Angels and Demons today.
Love who you love my people, but don't feel bad if you have a certain reference. Religion included!
Mmmmh, I wonder where this topic came from. 🙂 Ok, this may be a long one. May not. We'll see where it ends up when it ends. Warning: this may turn into senseless rambling, I apologize in advance.
I was never raised in any one religion. Never. I'm guessing this lack of really being brought up in religion played a large part in my not being as heavily devoted/tied to it as others. Most of the homes I spent time in as a youth had no proclivity towards religion. To make matters worse, the worst homes (with the worst people) that I spent time in were heavily religious homes.* Whether it was Catholicism, Lutheran or another denomination didn't matter. This colored my view on religion early on. Despite that I grew into my own beliefs later on, I can 100% fully understand the varying reasons for atheists not to believe (which I feel no read need to go into). There have been many times over my life where I felt that there was no way God could exist.
This understanding makes me open to the idea of dating an atheist. In the end, all that really matters is the way that person views life and his values. Is he a good person, is he positive, compassionate, willing to let our children form their own views and/or go to church, etc. I realize that it's already hard to maintain a marriage, so why add more stress to it by differing religious views? However, if your marriage was meant to survive, it will. If your love is strong enough, you can overcome that. If unions of Republicans and Democrats have worked, why not? What if God sent your ideal man/woman to you in the form of an Atheist? What if that's who he intended you to be with, and the one thing holding you back is his religious views? I say, as long as he is respectful of my views, I can be of his and we can make it work.
All I know is that if I find myself 45 and single (#ScottBaio), I don't want to ever look back and say that I walked away from a great man because he didn't subscribe to my way of thinking on religion. Whatever your religion is, you are here in this life now and you'll only get so many chances at happiness. Odds are God won't boot you out of heaven because you and James couldn't agree on which version of him to worship. He probably would also let Renee in with you if she was a good person throughout life, despite her lack of belief in him. Worse case scenario, you don't spend eternity with them. You'll probably be sick of them by death anyway.
*I am in no way, shape, or form implying that all people who are heavily into their religion are bad people. Please do not take my words and twist them.
*waves* Howdy, ma'am. I'm back again.
You offer a interesting perspective on this because you were not raised in a particular religion so your openness to dating an atheist is understood. You are right about chances at happiness. You only get one go-round with life so you have to make the most of it. I don't judge other people based on their religion, just don't throw stones at me for my beliefs. You will get more stones thrown at you from people within your own religion than outside of it.
I'm 25. 25! Should I just get used to this ma'am thing?*
I also completely understand the perspective of those like Max who wouldn't date an atheist. I believe that raising your children in some belief is probably best for them (with the openness to let them decide for themselve eventually) and trying to reconcile two faiths (or lack there of) in order to do so would be a challenge. Then again, we've all seen how I respond to a CHALLONJ!
*I realize that it is a respect thing, I am mostly kidding.
LOL, nah, you don't have to get used to the ma'am thing. You know I'm down in Texas, so it is a part of my daily vocab.
***tears in my eyes***
***standing ovation***
<>
@SaneN and @Cheekz
And one of the reasons why most people of certain faiths cannot date an Atheist is because of Death.
Over half of the people who believe in Christianity only do so so they can have everlasting life. If you take away that, how many of them would still be card carrying, practicing members of their faith? Yet another reason, I couldn't get down with the religion part. A religion built around fear, I chose to remain exempt from that clause. I think that you should want to walk like Christ. Eternal life is just the icing on the cake, but it's not the reason why you walk like Christ.
In addition to being Black and American, i'm used to not getting my benefits promised to me in the end. #40acres&amule #SocialSecurityCheck #mydamnVacationTIMEIneverused
That doesn't mean I don't do my best in the here and now.
"In addition to being Black and American, i’m used to not getting my benefits promised to me in the end. #40acres&amule #SocialSecurityCheck #mydamnVacationTIMEIneverused"
True.
O-k first havent read the post yet…but had to comment and ask am I wrong for crackin' up at the pic Dr. J put in this post? I mean I told ya'll I find humor anywhere…but that pic….I'm sorry I'm still laughin'….O-k let me stop and read the post. I'll be back…..
I wonder what percentage of atheists were raised Catholic… #justcurious
The few atheists I know were all raised either Catholic and/or by extra extra churchy single black mothers.
Don't take shots at Catholics on SBM, it will cause Streetz to have a kiniption. He treats 930PM mass like happy hour on Sunday.
#TheyShootin
lol
Ther is no 930PM Mass bruh.. Now if u talkin Sunday 845am then yup! Everyone should treat their faith/religion/spirituality like happy hour… unless u toppin off or jumpin off..
You should Jump off for your religion too right?
#Toofar?
Everyone should treat their faith/religion/spirituality like happy hour…
I know I'm at my "happy hour" almost every Saturday night, 5pm-6:30pm. Good times, good times.
#wordtotheHaitianCatholicNation #fistpump (i didn't know you were Catholic Streetz…i've found a whole new love for you! lol)
I agree. Many Jewish people are also atheist. This is one reason I tend to question atheism. Is it really that they don't believe in God or do they just hate religion?
We dont believe in God… the end!
P.S. You know what I hate. That Somalian lady that goes on all the cable news channels sayin how superior Western culture and christianity are to everything.
I mean really, when your own culture tries to do a female curcumcision on you I would think you are probably incapable of objective reasoning about religion.
"Sorry, Santa got caught up in some p*ssy."
My work computer been messed up for four days, i'm just now getting here.
@ Raising you kids to be Christian –
I think the goal is to raise them to be moral sound. You don't have to be a Christian to be morally sound. You should allow your children to choose their own path. (Throw some guiiderails on that b*tch though.) For example, i'm not going to make my kid straight, but the second he starts singing Annie, we watching p*rno everyday at 830PM until he's 18. Just kidding, I believe that you give a child the opportunity to choose. Now if everything everyone says is true about religion, then what is right will come into his/her heart.
I don't know how many of you are from the South, but have you ever been to one of those nights at revival where all the kids sit on the front pew… until they feel something. I have been in church until 230AM waiting for that boy to "feel" something. We sang, Great Is Thy Faithfulness" 74 cotdamn times. Larry joined the church for the 24 time and this little boy still didn't "feel" nothing. I guess that's raising him the right way?
My daughter will be Catholic, she will live in a convent. I know a few of you guys can't wait to have your son eff my daughter. MY BAD, I did not know that was your girlfriend, but i'm glad it worked out with y'all.
Dr J: "I think the goal is to raise them to be moral sound."
Based on what morals?
Your morals have nothing to do with religion, if you're implying that, that's a mistake.
Your morals are your morals. Ask Webster.
"Your morals have nothing to do with religion, if you’re implying that, that’s a mistake.
Your morals are your morals. Ask Webster."
They sure don't, and I'm not implying that. There are several different moralities. Which one? Why is one moral right and another wrong?
I don't wanna poke my head into a tornado.. but re: Hugh Jazz's last comment about which morals are right and which wrong.. doesn't that then branch off into an ethics discussion.. and i think what we can all agree on is that once ethics is involved, then we can argue about it all day..
@Hugh
Don't give him morals. Give him the ability to look at situations critically and fairly.
He will get the morals on his own as he navigates thru life.
Cheekz you my e-nikka but thats some BS. I see where you're going but I have my own perception of right-wrong. Of course I would want my children to have my same morals. What I think parents should do is lay out their moral code, give examples as to why, and then let the life experiences dictate what their overall moral code should be. Im not going to sit back and not say "Pintos are a POS car we dont cop those" and let him make up his mind. Ill present my case and let them decide.
At the end of the day people shoose their way. Doesnt mean you cant give them directions on how to get there.
Nick L Odeon/at Nite/erz: “ re: Hugh Jazz’s last comment about which morals are right and which wrong.. doesn’t that then branch off into an ethics discussion.. and i think what we can all agree on is that once ethics is involved, then we can argue about it all day..
Yes, which is probably why I should leave it alone because I see no universal source of social ethics absent a creator God. Logically and philosophically, I don’t see it, so I ask others where they derive it from. Which leads to…
CHeeKZ: “Don’t give him morals. Give him the ability to look at situations critically and fairly.
He will get the morals on his own as he navigates thru life.
Critically and fairly based on what? It may sound like I’m being evasive, but it’s a genuine question. Why is any act right or wrong? This may be an extreme example, but if I can’t impart morals, how can I teach my son to respect women? Women tell us they have equality, so why should they treat a woman different than a man? Treating women with extra respect isn’t "fair". "Critically" it doesn’t make sense. Starting with a complete blank slate, what's the justification?
well that is a behavior not a moral. I don't think chivalry relates to a moral code some would disagree. However, you have to teach your kids behaviors in order to help them navigate society. Just like you teach him to walk and talk, you teach him to tip and not hit women. And you can show him the consequences for not doing so.
Same goes with taking without asking or cheating.
I always think of right and wrong as an equation and try to get both sides of the to equal the same value. SO it doesn't come down to right and wrong instead its his attempt to create balance. So the real challenge in life is to define life situations with mathematical values.
My daughter will be Catholic, she will live in a convent. I know a few of you guys can’t wait to have your son eff my daughter. MY BAD, I did not know that was your girlfriend, but i’m glad it worked out with y’all.
^^^Reeeeeeeeeeally though Dr.J?! Glad you weren't my father but ish, i couldn't have a boyfriend & bet have kept covered up so maybe my earlier years were like being a nun…smh
I've muddled over this for some time and have rested on, "no", I can't date an atheist. Although I respect the opinions and beliefs of others, I can't share my life with someone that doesn't believe in the same principles as myself.
I was raised Baptist and later converted to the Church of Christ. That being said, I am the only person in my family that follows this belief system, and we interact with one another just fine. Many of my friends have different beliefs as they relation to religious practices or doctrines…but all follow some form of Christianity or belief in a higher being.
That being said, I would prefer to date someone with similar religious beliefs. However, it is not a deal breaker. What's most important to me is the type of man he is, his views on family, etc. Pretty much what many of you have already said.
There are a few belief systems that I shy away from, but that list is really small.
Also, I think that Black people have a tendency to put God a lot higher than any other race would even recommend. I think the reason is because for so long we have not had anything but God. We've been constantly disenfranchised and God has been the only thing we could hold on to.
Hope and faith is probably the reason that Black people don't get more upset than they should about things. We have hope that things will get better, maybe not in this life, but maybe in another life. I'm sorry, but that's not why I believe in God. I get high off the power of NOW.
I'm curious as to how you think other races rank God?
I really couldn't tell you how they rank him. I think that we misuse him. For the reasons, I stated. I would hope that we stop using God as an excuse or crutch for our faults.
I go to God in prayer almost daily..I thank Him and acknowledge Him for all of the blessings he has provided..and getting me thru some tough times..if that is mis-using Him or using Him as a crutch then so be it…and I am pretty sure my God doesn't mind…..
Girl, you know he wasn't talkin bout you or even every black person. Unfortunately, there is some truth to what he's saying, as there is an amazing amount of people who do use it as a crutch. There is also something so beautiful and commendable in seeing those that take their religion seriously for all the right reasons.
I don't share my religious beliefs with just anyone. Very few. In fact I am pretty sure my best friends do not know. It is not necessary for you to be in the same religion to love someone. I have dated Muslims, Christians, and Atheist, etc. each a positive experience. But as you get serious, you have to understand where you both stand. For some, there is no work around. thus really you both are playing yourselves dating. I am down and open to anything, Except ppl forcing their beliefs on me. Religion only seriously concerns me if marriage and kids are in the horizon. But i will make it a point NOT to convert for anyone, except myself. Good Post. Good subject matter
Funny. Not to get into Black Church bashing but my moms always asks "What is he a Bishop of?" LOL
Truth is many of the famous black churches have leaders that got their Docterates from diploma mills with no acreditation. And then they woke up one day and decided to be a bishop. I mean seriously, you never hear them talk about what college they went to do you?
They got it from the University of Phoenix.
OK here it is. It's called Friends International Christian University
http://www.ficu.edu/
They literally have these bammas faces on their home page. LOL
I have no problem letting someone know that I'm agnostic.
I'll leave it at that. It is one of the main reasons I will probably remain single unless I find someone who doesn't treat non-religion as a dealbreaker (good luck with that shyt, right?).
I'm fine as I am though. Good article to set the tone of the day.
Also, Lets not chastise other for believing heavily in their religion…
some of the tones Im getting is that people are "too churchy"
Even theChurch of Twitter-Day Saints should be able to practice without ridicule right? eff em still though but you know what I mean.
People can Ether Catholicism allt hey want. I have a personal relationship with God and his mans-anem. I developed that and choose to practice it in that certain denomination.
I question everything because that's my nature. I respect all denominations and religions. I even rspect your right to not beleive. Key word RESPECT!
Religion hurts my head… on my shoulders.
"Religion hurts my head… on my shoulders."
I laughed out loud at this…my receptionist stopped talking on the phone and asked if I was ok. WAY too many thoughts on that one.
Anywho, I agree with the respect thing. But I also think that's apart of the issue. SOME "religious" people don't respect other's choices to believe in something else or not to believe at all. Which is where I place the "churchy" title…that attitude doesn't help people or make them want to run to religion or your (speaking broadly) God.
No shots at Catholicism, Streetz. All love from Christian to Christian.
People can Ether Catholicism allt hey want.
^^^One of our followers CONSTANTLY ethers Catholicism & i even got into a serious debate with him about it…you might've missed that one…ish was real that night
Am I the only one that finds this to be a little crazy?
Religion doesn't matter. Your fundamental beliefs about the nature of man and the universe. You're completly flexible. You'll date any religion.
But if a dude isn't taller than you in heals…..or if he is dark skinned….light skinned…etc. etc. Those are the deal breakers ROFL
LOL…
For the most part, the women here are saying that there aren't able to date someone with a different religious background. I am one of the few that said I would. At the same time, I'm one of the women that said height and skin color make no difference.
I didn't mean to really aim it at just the ladies. The guys too. I'm just surprised so many people have no problem dating outside their religion.
Some of that conversation was based on preferences versus deal breakers. I think a lot of people talked about their preferences…at least I did.
I'd prefer to date someone with the same religious belief system, but I'm open to a few other belief systems…but not all. Some are out of the question, deal breakers.
Just like I'd prefer a chocolate man…but I have a healthy crush on someone that's on the "brown" side.
Oooh I liked this post Dr. J.
As for my self I will DATE any religion (thats even difficult in itself…when you don't want to waste your time, but you don't want to pass up an opportunity), but I will not/cannot marry anyone from a religion other than my own.
Agnostic, sure we can date…an atheist…I just can't.
I'm not the most religious persona and I do find that I question some of the doctrines in my belief a little too often for my mothers taste lol, but I really do love my religion. I also love to believe in God, because no matter how much I question it, I still come back and hold onto to the faith…because we all know is just that…faith.
This is a very difficult issue for me because being an African-American [literally] living in the U.S. my religious beliefs aren't shared by the majority, so finding someone/anyone to date (not just a black person) of the same religious background is kind of a feat. I have yet to date someone of the same religion as myself. And if someone ever wanted to marry who was not of the same religion he'd would have to convert.
The child issue is very serious and I've witnessed what my cousins went through with parents of two differing religions. Its just confusing to the kid.
This is all just too much! I'm just not getting married.
Sorry for the delayed comment today folks – apparently… I get paid to actually work (who knew).
Anyways – if you go back up and read Hugh's comments, you'll know where I stand on the subject.
Wasn't brought up Christian, nobody attended church. Started going in High School – pentacostal – never caught the Holy Ghost – so, that didn't really make sense to me. Then went to college, studied a bunch of religions, and intellectualized myself out of Christianity. At that point I became "spiratual" (whatever that means). Later on in College I started to actually put some effort into my relationship with God, and that led me to Christianity.
Couldn't date someone who wasn't a Christian for the same reason I couldn't date someone who wasn't black. It all boils down to what's important to you, how much value you attach to it, and whether or not you want someone to appreciate its importance to you vicariously, or through their own personal experience. I prefer the latter.
My last boyfriend was a semi-practicing Muslim (his parents converted before marriage), while I grew up Christian (Pentecostal). Though three of his brothers have wives/baby mamas that are not Muslim (and blonde), two of his other brothers wanted a practicing Muslim, black wife. We eventually separated for several reasons, but I feel that he was increasingly having a problem with our religious differences as he felt we got closer to considering marriage.
Funny enough, he met my family and my church family, and they were supportive of us dating. However, they did continue to serve chitterlings in his presence lol. I do think however, that we just weren't having the discussions we needed to be having as we got more serious.
However, he still is wanting to get back together with me. That's a man for you.
black people and religion. never gets old.
Dr. J hits it on the head.
unfortunately because i'm Black, short, and a little quirky, being agnostic just ensures i'll be single…forever.
Great post and interesting comments folks. I agree that most atheist are really agnostics. I don't think it's a deal breaker in a relationship or even in the top 5 for dating considerations. I consider myself more spiritual than religious. I grew up in the Bible belt. Now if you belong to the Jim Jones Christian Academy or the Branch Davidian Temple..I'll take a pass
**side note** that pic was all kinds of wrong, but I am still laughing
I have a good good fellow atheist friend. Smart. Dark. Tall. Cut. pause. Good job. Funny.
He had a gf that was as close to a dime we are going to see. I don't want to listing her details. But, bad lite skin with a body. Good sense of humor. nice temperament. fatty bubble. ivy educated.
They had a wonderful love affair. He was really happy. Than he met her mother…. long story short: Mom says this can't happen. Relationship ends. NO one is happy. No one spirituality is strengthen. People are just lonely and bitter. And of course you have the post breakup immaturity that you can always expect, how is any of this christian? Why does this nigga jesus OD? And how is removing love a positive presence in your life helping you get into heaven?
And if you aren't deep enough to answer these questions than why are you spiritual enough to know what your spirit needs? And I mean answer… not give me some scripture about how it is ok to not have an answer. Everyone seems to know what their god wants from them… shame no one has the humility to fear human interpretation.
Wow…I don't understand why the young lady allowed her mother to influence her relationship with the guy.,,but, I know sometimes paren't can be very influential and sometimes to their childrens detriment.
I don't know if it was the Christian thing to do…love is love…but, obviously his being an atheist was more of an issue than homegirl led on or she may have fought harder to maintain the relationship….I don't know if anyone is wrong in this case…its just the way the chips fall sometimes when you are dealing with religion and faith.
I want to give you a e-hug from me personally.
i took (am still taking) the time to figure out me and where I fit in religion and after nearly 10 years of trying to figure things out I've gotten to a place that I'm comfortable with, that I want to grow within, and I want a partner who can understand that. Like I stated before- I would worry in an atheist (not an agnostic- i recognize the difference) partner that he would find me ridiculous for my beliefs and if he thinks that I'm ridiculous where can we develop from there?
Agnostic is different- I think while 99% of me is truly faithful I've had a minute or two where I've wondered if everything we know can ever truly be known.
I think a lot of what you hear here is an argument against atheist not agnostics.
i aint going to front. I really needed that e-hug. This atheist talks hit so close to home sometimes b/c well… I am an atheist. And while I know myself, I worry I could too lose people closest to me b/c they 'grow closer to Santa Clause… I mean god.
Damn.. never told anyone that.
Out of curiosity Cheekz… do you believe in the Big Bang, or any of the other creation theories?
they are only theories. While I think they are logical too often theories become flawed.
I give them great plausibility. But not much more.
I am in no hurry to explain my existence, I just want to keep moving the theories along so one day we can really have the answer. I think that is exciting.
Here's the thing Cheekz. Was her mom wrong for interceding – yes – probably. But, if her daughter is a person of faith, and if faith is going to be a major part of her life going forward, it's probably best for her and her guy to break up – if he's a flat out athiest.
When a person has faith, that faith isn't something that remains stagnant over time. As a person's life progresses, and theif faith in God grows, they become closer to God. As in any relationship, the longer you're together, the closer you become – so it goes with God. If the womans growing closer to God, and the man isn't, she'll the man and woman will eventually grow apart. Think of a triangle. On the bottom right of the triangle is a man, on the bottom left of the triangle is his woman, and at the top of the triangle is God. Ideally, both the man and woman will focus on God, and as their faith grows, they grow closer to God, moving up the sides of the triangle, as they move closer and closer towards God, they're growing closer and closer togther.
What happens if only one person is growing closer to God – they – without even knowing – leave the other person behind. So, while moms was proabably wrong in just dismissing it, if she knows her daughters gonna wanna grow closer to her God, then, there was probably some wisdom in her intercession. They will both be better for it.
I really wanted to respond yesterday but I didnt have the chance. I am Muslim. Both of my parents are Muslim, my maternal grandmother became Muslim a month before she passed away. I have never seriously dated a Muslim. I love my faith however; a lot of the men in it are a big disappointment so i tend to steer clear of them. I accepted a long time ago that my future husband wouldn't be Muslim and I'm cool with that. My other parents happened to be involved in a mixed religion marriage. She's Muslim and he's Christian. My little cousin is being raised Muslim. Their marriage works. They've been married for 20 years. It all boils down to respect and the acceptance that their is a higher power. If both of those exist in your relationship you will be fine. Even when it comes to raising your children.
I can NOT date an atheist. From the gate, we would be starting out on opposite ends and that relationship would never work.
hi,where i com from(south west nigeria(here u cant really tell d muslims apart from d christians,unlike the predominantly muslim north and d christian south),i was born a muslim but wasnt taught to practice.i had more christian friends compared to muslims.now 23 n approaching marriage,i find it hard to date pple 4rm other religions.i feel i just hav to be nsync with d person i wld marry eventually wen it comes to matters concerning God,cos if love fades away and those rough times come,u need a solid foundation so ur building wont crumble,dats where unison in religion comes in
I need to be equally yoked. I'd rather my wife and I agree on the play book. Two different books and philosophies can be an issue. I won't even date some one if we disagree on the interpretation of the same book the bible. Otherwise, nice point of view.
Atheism and radicals of any religion are more similar than they are different. The Bible consistently talks about the 'Spirit' of God. Passion is spirit. So God is the spirit within us for things we are passionate for. If someone has spirit when saying there is no God and someone has spirit saying there is…it really doesn't matter because the consensus between them is their spirit. God. So, only a radical Christian should marry an atheist. That way they're constantly growing in the right direction.
Interracial relationships are the opposite of passion; they're lust. There is no spirit within lust so there is no God in such relationships. If you date someone outside your race you can't have passion about the same things because your cultures are based and focused on different things. The only things you can be joined together by are things that ensure you won't ever be passionate: money, posessions, drugs, identity crisis'.
Bottom line…stick with things you don't mind struggling for.
**insert confused BBM smiley face with the question mark on it**
Stop sitting there looking stupid. If you don't get it ask a question.
The Interracial relationships part
first off I think you are assuming that all black people share the same culture. I do think most of us have that kind of common ground.
secondly, two people don't have to be passionate about the same things to fall in love. Esp since your care for that person will translate into care for what they are passionate about, out of mere respect. For instance my gf teaches a college class now, not her goal in life. Just doing it for $. Sometimes I ask about her students and push her to reach out to them more. Even come up with ideas to help get them more involved in class. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THEIR EDUCATION. But I care about me girl. I don't see how a white man can't learn to care about black issues, esp since so many of them were so crucial in resolving them?
I know I'm late repsonding to this article but I'm glad I ran into it. Being baptised Methodist and attending Catholic School for Middle and High School I have come to appreciate the beauty in the similarities and differences in world religions (Shout out to my Senior yr Religion teacher). Though I never converted to Catholicism and not a Christian myself, I still want to give a shout out to the whole "Catholic School Experience". I truly believe that being close-minded to other religions can really hender your spiritual growth.