SBM is roaming around Europe right now with a backpack and minimal funds. So … don’t get mad if you don’t see me around. I’m living life n sh*t.
Ever broke up with someone?
Did you do a good job of merging his/her friends and family with yours?
Did you figure “there is no reason his/her mom and I can’t still hang out from time to time and talk on the phone”?
Did you soon find yourself over their house eating up their chicken, cracking jokes with Mom’s, even though you have been replaced by a new lover?
Are you right there, right now, showing the greatness of “SingleBlackMale.org” to his/her mom and trying to “peep her to the game”?
Is he/she smashing upstairs right now?
Break ups aren’t fun, unless you really really hated that b* and watching her fall apart in front of you made you feel good inside. Splitting up gifts, shirts, and property is already hard enough. But what happens when it comes to the friends? Do they get to choose? Does everyone leave with who they came in with? Is it an all out brawl?
Now, if things end smoothly and you and the ex can remain friends, then you can share friends. This has happened several times to me in the past, and it works.
But if she broke a bottle over your head after you said “It’s over”, or he called up your job and told them you’ve been stealing laptops and selling them out the back of CVS … good chance you can’t hang out in the same circles anymore.
Since we here at SingleBlackMale.org love to help the people, I have taken it upon myself to drum up some basic rules when it comes to dividing up the family and friends.
If the person does not like you, you can’t claim them
I don’t care if that has been your friend since the third grade from the first time you picked up their Power Ranger’s pencil that they dropped in math class. If for whatever reason you two have had a falling out and they no longer like you (even though you still think they are you’re friend), they are a free agent. If they wanna go with the ex … then so be it.
Blood is thicker than p*ssy juice water
Family comes first. If they are your kin, then you get them. Their are sharing options available, and the first rules trumps here (if they don’t f* with you … they can jump ship) … but how you gonna expect my brother to chill with you and your new man when you cheated on me with him?
Don’t f* up the money
Business is business at the end of the day. You can’t expect someone to drop their business partner and mess up the money over love n sh*. Love and heartbreak is good an all … but money makes the world go round. You might have to limit to just a business relationship, but don’t expect any contracts to be broken because you just couldn’t get over the way he chewed his corn flakes in the morning.
Got no other friends … too bad
I’m sorry, but you do not get sympathy because you were unable to hold onto your own friends or make new ones during the relationship. Who did you go and complain to when he/she was acting up the whole time? Who did you have he/sh meet and then critique once they left the room? This is unacceptable and will not help the settlement.
Friend have the ultimate last say
Complain and moan all you want, but at the end of the day it is the actual people who are making the decision. Sure they may have known you first, but they just like her better … your f*’d.
So let these few rules guide your next break up and the division of family and friends. Anything I missed? Any rules needed to be added? Any that would backfire?
– SBM aka “You know they all love me” aka “What you mean you choosing her Dad?!?!?”