Home About Me I’m not trying to take your girlfriend!

I’m not trying to take your girlfriend!

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Now You see why I leave committed women alone!

For a long time now, I’ve been the victim of assumption. I’ve noticed a trend that over the past few years, men have conveyed to female friends of mine, whom I’ve only have platonic relations, that they don’t really want/trust them around me. I’ve heard everything from “you can’t write on my facebook wall anymore” to “he asked why I’m always talking to you on gchat” to “we can’t cuddle anymore he doesn’t like that too much”.  OK the last one was comedy but you get the point. What I’m trying to figure out is the signals that I project that proclaim “Streetz is a nefarious, women besmirching, scoundrel!” As I examine this phenomenon,  I inferred the following:

She told him that she found me attractive

To me, this is one of the most obvious reasons why dudes will play prevent defense on their shorties vs me. The minute that they are aware of her attraction, whether innocent or she’s ready to to film a StreetzTalk porno genuine, these guys will feel threatened and won’t trust their GF around me. Especially if people agree or make comments in his presence about said “schemin ass reggin” I always wonder why women would volunteer certain information to their significant others. Maybe they think it’s harmless? Maybe they want to make son jealous? Maybe they just don’t see my next point…

See Also:  I giveth the p***y ... and I taketh away

He’s insecure

I wrote a post about this last year, but yeah your man may be insecure for a number of reasons. You could be the social butterfly who’s cool with a lot of men. You could have prior situations where men went hard to bag you, knowing you have a boyfriend and told him every single time. He could even be shook because he knows what he’s capable of and fears the boomerang known as karma. Or it could be that…

She’s done shady sh* in the past

Did you slip and fall on a poor unsuspecting gentleman’s pipework and have relations against your will? I know, it happens to women all the time. Swindles aside, as much as people claim to forgive and forget a lover’s transgressions, it will always be in the back of some one’s mind.  So if they see your shifty eye start to twitch when men are around, then their Spider Sense might alert them to impending thronx sessions that they won’t be a part of of impending doom.

I “Look Like” the type of dude to take a GF from a dude

I still don’t know what this description entails.  One person said it was because I’m clean cut. Another said it was because I was lighter skinned. I let a heavy sigh out, with disbelief. Can a dude live life without being typecast as a woman stealing harlot? This is discrimination. Racial profiling. Insubordination!!! *Red Dead Redemption John Marsden voice*

In closing, let me offer up a few parting shots points:

– If someone takes your girlfriend, was she yours to begin with?

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– I’ve shown restraint and respect relationships almost to the point of stupidity. Its part morality, part conscious, part fear of karma, part fear of reggins showing up at my door and having to scream at the  top of my lungs “I don’t know no Kyana!!!!”

– No more Drama. MJB. I don’t need it, I don’t want it. Sometimes, ish just is not that serious.

– I’m tied of explaining myself and having to change up interactions because the next man is scurred. It’s just frustrating and usually,  I just keep it moving. Just sucks to be accused when someone is probably scheming on you in the shadows!

– I would never sweat something like this because I cant control it. If people are going to cheat, they will cheat. You can’t physically prevent it. Just gotta hope that you find out and depending on the severity, work on it or move on to the next one. Que sera sera!!

I’m not as mad as I am amused. I just want to know does this happen to you? Men are women just as bad in the reverse case scenario? Should I just say eff it and start home wrecking if shorty can take me out and pay a bill or two?

See Also:  Being With Someone But Your Heart Is Elsewhere

Comment(109)

    1. He is…

      & a lot of women are attracted to a man w/ charisma. Streetz can be the life of a conversation/party if he so chooses, and if son sees his girls interaction w/ you… he might just ask what the deal btwn ya'll? Just outta curiousity. When she says nothing… he's just a friend & then son says do you/have you liked him… she'll reply, he's cute but nah…

      & there is the beginning of mission: take the reggin [you] out.

      simple as pie.

  1. Is it just me or are the guys from SBM been tooting their own horn? LOL

    I don't think I've ever gotten that kind of title before as far as me taking someone's man, and that's a good thing.

    But Streetz I get why men would give you such a title, you have that flair of confidence even a little cockiness in you that would make even the most secure men out there sweat a bit… and you can take that as a compliment. It takes a lot from a man I think to actually be able to admit to this, its not every day that a man can do this.

      1. Suki, you must've forgotten about Dr. J's… "I look good as sh*t post." LOL. All that's left is SBM… and two feature spots w/ WIM & TMIMITW.

        I keed… I keed…

    1. "Is it just me or are the guys from SBM been tooting their own horn? LOL"

      I was gonna say the same thing. I'm like, dayum ya'll ninjas feelin' ya'llselves ain't ya. Well, carry on…with the feeling of yourselves, just don't be indecent exposure like.

      Oh, and this post picture? I've always loved that pic. I want it on a t-shirt.

    2. "Is it just me or are the guys from SBM been tooting their own horn? LOL"

      ha I just said the same thing.

      want all the comments to be like "oh you are so blah blah" yall falling for it, though.

      I see right thru it!

  2. This has happened to me! I was dating this guy for two years. It was long distance, and it was starting to die out, but 6 months before we broke up, a clean-cut guy who happened to be light-skinned slipped on in being my friend. Soon enough, we were going places together, going to "eat," hanging out all the time, falling asleep together in parks. It didn't help that our parents pledged together. After I broke up with 2-year boy-friend, I was with the other guy. It wasn't until later that I realized Mr. Clean-Cut had stole me away.

    It definitely happens :-).

    I say respect the household, because karma can be a bitch, BUT if shawty doesn't have a ring, then let her pay a bill/two.

  3. That picture is hilarious to me for some reason…

    But i didn't know you had folks sweatin like that streetz…let me find out! lol!

    I have nothing else to add as I have not been in such situations…

  4. Oh StreetZ, you are probably just too charming and witty for your own good. Look at you, making all those men jealous!

  5. Hey like some people say, you still single till u get that ring so its a survival of the fittest world, everyone is free to play

    If im with a guy and another comes to steal me away, guess he wasn't the right one for me 🙂

  6. Most of these issues come down to people who think they can do whatever they want while in relationships because they think they are in control. With the people I counsel I always tell them it's not about the doors you walk into, as much as the doors you open.

    Yes, you can have male friends, and yes you can hang out with male friends and not sleep with them. But is it worth the strain on your relationship to have one-on-one interactions with other men when you're in a relationship? You're opening a door that isn't necessary.

    Consequently, a lot of guys who may have been cool with a chick beforehand and spent most nights texting each other think that once she gets in a relationship it's still cool to send that text because that's the nature of their friendship. But is it worth it? What are you trying to prove by continuing to send 1AM texts to a female friend about, "This party is wack, how come you don't come out no more?"

    You can't always get what you want.

    If more people understood that, tact and manners then we wouldn't have these problems. I tell my female friends straight up, I want to meet the men you're dating, I tell them, invite your man out with us, I tell them, naw we can't do dinner this week, i'm not trying to be rude to Mr. Man. Some men and women, they don't mind disregarding these norms, you gotta ask why.

    PS – It's not cause Streetz is light skin, it's because he stay talking in these girls' ear no matter what he's talking about. Listen here, no man wants to walk in the club and see another man talking in his girl's ear. Have you not seen Soul Food when Lem walked into the hair salon?!

    1. "Streetz stay talking in these girls' ear"?

      No, Streetz, I call foul on this play! You cannot do that anymore…it may be innocent from your point of view..but, it appears different…..

      How would you feel if the situation were reversed Streetz?

    2. I'm going through a similar situation with a homegirl of mine in LA right now. I've known this girl for years, and her boyfriend, has been in the picture the whole time. As of late, he has started to get real insecure about the relationship he has with her to a level it has never been before. He now questions every single male friend she has, and they even got into a stay over argument about me having the audacity to say HI on gchat (yeah he was looking over her shoulder while she was checking email). Maybe she has done some stuff in the past, but at the same time it's ironic that he's started to act this way after he went on an extended training trip. Guilt maybe? Who knows.

      We never met on a holla tip, so I don't see myself as a threat to their situation. However, my policy is that if I have a homegirl that I would smash right now if she was in front of me (#noliquor), and I have tried to get at her in the past, and she's now in a situation, I cut communication entirely unless it's business (no text, no email, no calls, no FB messages). From that point, it's on her to establish the new boundaries of our friendship. That usually keeps me out of most drama, but then again she should not get mad when I don't reach out anymore. In the case of my homegirl, I'm just glad he hasn't seen my picture yet. LOL

    3. "PS – It’s not cause Streetz is light skin, it’s because he stay talking in these girls’ ear no matter what he’s talking about."

      LOL Streetz they caught you out there! The Light Skin Negro Tactics never fails!

    4. yeah I tend to agree with you Dr.J..especially if you're in a new relationship. How can you cultivate your new situation if you're still keepin up with Tommy…or Sheila? Better yet…wth is wrong with Tommy and Sheila if they know you're in a new relationship and they're still textin at odd hours? Hmmmmm

      and Streetz…stop playin' victim LMAO

    5. "But is it worth the strain on your relationship to have one-on-one interactions with other men when you’re in a relationship? You’re opening a door that isn’t necessary."

      This right here is real.

      A lot of people think that if they're "not doing anything wrong" there's no need to respect their partner's feelings about what they're doing. So if I'm friendly with Streetz and my dude doesn't like it, eff him for being insecure because I'm not doing anything wrong!

      What's the point of being in a relationship if you're not going to respect your partner's feelings? And if having Streetz whisper sweet nothings in your ear is so deep that you're willing to do it to the detriment of your relationships then your priorities might be slightly askew.

      I have a lot of male friends and when we're all out and having fun things get a little inappropriate at times. If their girls get salty about it I fall back, even if they don't think it's necessary….it's just the mannerly thing to do.

      No matter how platonic your intentions might be toward your friends of the opposite sex…things have a tendency to happen when people get too close, too frequently. As the good doctor says, why open the door?

    6. J I cant eff with you… lmaooo

      Dont let Jay hype yall its not that serious! The same thing Doc does I do too!

      I will be the first to back off. The first to mention a womens boyfriend if I feel she's line stepping. It's funny how my book is being judged by its cover and packaging right now…smh

      🙁

    7. "If more people understood that, tact and manners then we wouldn’t have these problems."

      THIS. and the entire comment really.

      I rarely hear that from a man, but I'm glad you said it.

  7. Yeah, Streetz…..I can see why this happens to you. You are a very attractive man, obviously smart and funny…so, in another man's eyes…you are the competition. I think you should just continue to play your position…and it seems like you are very respectful just continue along those lines…

    I to am of the mindset that..if someone can be so easily taken..maybe, the foundation wasn't that strong to begin with….I do not condone (however) people just trying to take other peoples boo's/spouses either…..you will reap what you sow on that one, too……

    Women are just as bad…and probably worse. If you are single and around a bunch of married women and their husbands..there is immediate suspicion cast on the single woman..regardless if its warranted or not…..smh.

    I don't know why I find that fact that you go through this mildly amusing..I just imagine you giving the church hug to all your friends girls..while being side-eyed at the same time…lol 🙂

    Another great post!

  8. LOL why am I not surprised…

    Well you probably are charismatic (judging from your e-persona) and attractive. So why would'nt their girl be intertested? I'm just guessing that's the dudes thought process.

    I have a friend who this always happens to (With other girls and their boos). He's cool, but I don't find him attractive. I think its just in a guys nature to be territorial about such matters.

  9. For the few that feel if he doesn’t have a ring on it then it not meant to be. I give this answer the best things in life a worth fighting for such as family and love. Don’t get me wrong you don’t go MMA cause another dude is checking out you girl at the grocery store, but if you feel you girl is looking over the fence (her inner thoughts: the grass sure does look greener) then you don’t question the other guy motives, but simple step you game up reminder her why she is in the relationship through actions. If you try and she leaves then (that heifer don’t deserve you) just charge it the game.

  10. Streetz, stop lying. Lol. You know you can get away with it so in your head, you're thinking, "Ehh. Why the hell not?! Worth a shot. Plus, have you SEEN me?" *Zoolander lip pout*

    I'm just pulling your leg boy. You make great points though. If someone else can steal your bf/gf, they couldn't have been yours to begin with. And yeah, if shorty is going to cheat, it's not always the other person's fault. Some things can't be helped.

    Now as far as this happening to ME, I'm a friendly person. I have guys friends that I was close to for years and then all of a sudden, we can't be on the phone as much, hang out as much, because the girl doesn't like it. Boo boo, I've been around for years now. Don't you think if I wanted him, it would have happened? (Plus, he & I already discussed this happening and I told him it wasn't going down. See? Suki is a good girl!)

    I had a guy that was my "little bro" in high school. As soon as he started going out with this THING, all the hopping on his back and holding hands sh!t was over. I mean, at the time I had my own bf and he had just started dating this girl. She did not like how close we were. Well sugah, you can eat a d!ck :).

    Okay. That's all I got for now. *sigh* (had to reread my comment & check for cussing. I'm guuu!)

  11. See Streetz, because I luh you like a play cousin, I'ma come through early and call you on your bullshiggity (Black and Bougie shoutout). If it was ONE guy, maybe 2 who had this problem with you, I would put the blame on them. And I certainly won't discount that perhaps the problem is on your friend's end because lots of women do enjoy the jealousy game. But I've heard this song and dance before, and it's always being sung by a Line Stepping Flirt (LSF).

    Male or female, the LSF sounds the same: "I don't know WHY they don't trust me!" "His/Her girl/dude MUST be insecure or something." "I mean, I didn't even DO anything, they just keep giving me the side eye." And on and on. They sound so innocent.

    Then you get to see them in action. Ole girl is catering to your man more than you are – and you're no slouch. She's playfully touching your man constantly. She overstays her welcome in your home, and thinks it's the perfect time to pull out her booty shorts and vicki secret lingerie. They talk about secks or make secks jokes. They have more inside jokes and under cover giggles than a little bit. HE IS WHISPERING IN YOUR GIRL'S EAR! (really reggin!?! LOL!). Slowly but surely, this LSF is drawing a circle. Guess whose not in it? Some victims of the LSF never see it coming, some see it but convince themselves that they are being unreasonable.

    Learn to fall back and play your role. At the heart of this is the need for attention. You're used to getting a certain amount of attention from your opposite gender friends, and now that there is an s.o. you want the same amount. She still wants the dude to come over, fix her car, shovel some snow and kill a spider followed by a few beers and a sports game. That was only cool before he had an s.o. but not anymore. Time to find someone new. Same with the late night calls and texts, standing too close, sitting on laps, extended one on one time, etc. If you can't hang with your old friend and his/her s.o. comfortably – and ultimately become a little closer to the same gender s.o. – you're just fishing for trouble.

    Problems and bad reputations are not the result of your "charm" or "good light skinned looks", lol. Although you have plenty of both. They're the result of some habitual line steppin'. And if you are indeed whispering in girls ears, you are line steppin bruh. Lawd. I still luh you doh.

    Antywho – I've missed you guys. Kids really do take over your life, even before they get here, lol. I've got an official case of baby brain.

    1. I cosign what you say to Tef but understand you all are making super assumptions

      1) You assume i stay flirting with wifed up women

      2) You assume that I line step

      3) "Learn to fall back and play your role. At the heart of this is the need for attention. You’re used to getting a certain amount of attention from your opposite gender friends, and now that there is an s.o. you want the same amount."

      I never said I didn't. The LAST thing I am is an Attention Whore. Once again, it's another assumption. I believe that if I was the type of dude to go after wifed up women, then what does that say about me? I would expect the worst when I'm in that situation, and wouldn't do it.

      Once again I don't expect a lot of yall to believe or see it like that with me, because you don't know me "like that" and I understand. I just find it funny the assumptions I made.

      I swear the word #swindle just came back to bite me in the arse.

      1. I don't think anyone is assuming anything (at least not me). Thing is you may not think you're acting all line steppish (lol) because you're used to your own actions and you're used to interacting a certain way with your friends. You said yourself that you're trying to figure out the signals "that I project that proclaim “Streetz is a nefarious, women besmirching, scoundrel!,” and based on your own inferences to what someone has perceived of you, something you're doing is being seen (innocent it may be) as waving flags and is setting off some signals; whether their SO's are some incapable dudes or not.

        1. walk backward 🙂

          Seriously though, I don't know another dude who is going to willingly comment on how cute another dude is without feeling some kind of way, lol. But there's nothing you can do about that but shrug and keep your distance.

  12. See…

    I'm gonna have to rage against the machine on this post Streetz. Call me insecure or whatever, but I don't trust any of a boobookin's male friends until I know them know them or they're just plain ugly and/or gay. Letting shorty be out all willy nilly with guy friends is how people get cheated on. Convos like this are for suckas:

    Homie: Yo, where is your girl?
    Simp: Oh, she out wit her friend Trevon.
    Homie: On a Friday night?
    Simp: Yeah, they been friends for years fam
    Homie: Man…don't they got all them facebook pics hugged up?
    Simp: Yeah, but it's all good. Nothing shady going on.
    Homie: Ehh…

    Meanwhile back at the crib…

    Simp's shorty is bent over the couch taking back shots and enjoying "friendship".

    No suh. Not me.lol. I will keep an eye on negroes like you regardless of how much community service you do or what church you go to. Plain and simple.

    1. I swear we've spoken about this…lol

      I cosign what you're saying my brother. yiou always gotta have the side eye. Im not just talkin about "good friends' im even talkin about someone I might speak to once every 3 mons on some casual shyt. Never see in real life. Might be twitter friends. Shyt like THAT too.

      1. LOL…I gotta tow the frat line and agree w/ Bro. Mellow Yellow. First off, all men are insecure about something at some point in life. To be told anything different is one of the top 5 greatest swindles of all time. I'm sure the shoe has been on the proverbial other foot before and you've prolly seen some Idris Elba lookin' cat playin' ya shorty too close or leaving somewhat "familiar" jokes and innuendos on her FB wall, or tweets or whatever it is you young'ns be into. You gotta keep in mind, most dudes are reading from the same play book and already know what time it is. The only dude that is secure w/ his woman having a close male friend is the dude that's never f*cked another man's girl, which is the karma factor you alluded to.

        And truth be told…you do like you plottin' in ya gchat photo…"Yea, I know you see these waves girls…that ain't no sportin waves, I gots indian hair!"

  13. honestly you do look like the type of guy that would plot on a man's girl. #shots j/k

    seriously, i don't understand this. if you can really pull my girl you did me a HUGE favor. i obviously wasn't doing something right or she's just trife. more than likely i would go with the latter.

    1. co-sign. but still…you gonna let your girl just roll with "buddy" in pretty much any way she wants? I know my girlfriend would be side-eyein me if I tried that, espically if chick is as good looking as her, or posseses the same type of qualities. i used to be naieve about these things when I was younger, but then I started to get it…

        1. I feel you. and not to run this into the dirt…its just that I accept the fact that me having a SO means some of my female relationships, if not all, will be affected in some kinda way. it means day time lunches and not dinners, it means maybe a few more phone calls vs me stopping by to hang out….in short…when you enter into that serious relationship…im not saying all other relationships are 'expendable", but they will have to be modified to some degree.

    2. MadScientist7: "seriously, i don’t understand this. if you can really pull my girl you did me a HUGE favor. i obviously wasn’t doing something right or she’s just trife. more than likely i would go with the latter."

      QFT.

  14. I have several female friends, some of them ive been intimate with, some of them I havent. What I do know is that when we are single, we can hang out, cuddle, be buddy buddy…but if either of us is in a serious relationship, than that has to be whittled down to not offend eachothers SO. its just the cost of doing bizness. we all know too many stories of "my homeboy gettin at my chick", or vice versa. At the end of the day, I dont trust ANYONE more than I trust ME. true enough, if someone wants to cheat, thats what theyre gonna go. but givin em a green light to be a ninja about it? Nah…I'll pass. and Im not insecure…Im just living in a place called "reality".

  15. See…why can I hear the evil grinch laugh and the distant toot toot of a horn behind this post.

    Streetz, boo boo, you need to re examine your actions with your gyal friends.

    Yeah true, if someone steals someone else from a relationship, it may mean they weren't yours to begin with but don't be going along helping out with the stealing with your innocent actions. You have to ask yourself what's more important your relationship with her or hers with him…and yeah yeah yeah, I know she should be asking herself those questions but you as the friend who has been accused multiple times of having "thieving qualities" need to step back and stop pouting and put some distance between you and the fist that may fly at your head next time if (when) this happens.

    1. Let me throw in a Congrats before I sneak off. You look absolutely beautiful and deliriously happy in that picture.

  16. I find myself in the middle of this kind of situation all the time. I have guy friends that I like to keep in my life whether I'm in a relationship or not. Some men can handle it. Some can't. What's funny is that my ex blatantly told me that he thought a guy friend of mine was ugly, that he looked funny and couldn't see how he gets women, but he was still always insecure about me seeing or talking to him. It was more about my opinion of him than his. I always had nice things to say about him and he could tell I respected him so my ex was afraid the guy friend was bringing something to the table that my ex didn't have.

    Thing is, he had female friends too but it never really bothered me. It comes down to this: As long as I don't feel like he likes any one of them better than me, then I'm cool.

  17. Friends have to fall back when their opposite sex friend is in a relationship. When my best bud got serious about his lady, I fell back. No more late night phone calls/texts. No more sexually charged conversations. When he got a new job in another state, I didn't visit him. Not because I expected something to pop off, but because I didn't like how it looked, with his lady living in another city. I don't want him, but I'm careful about how I interact with him because I love him and I respect his relationship.

    On the other hand, some people in relationships donot respect their SO, and they know exactly what they're doing. You know damn well it is inappropriate to hangout late at night with you opposite sex friend, and your man isn't there. You know your homegirl should not be sitting in your house when your SO gets home from work. And don't let that bitch bring you food and shit.

    Respect is the issue here. Respect yooyur friend's relationship, and respect your SO's feelings.

    1. "You know your homegirl should not be sitting in your house when your SO gets home from work. And don’t let that bitch bring you food and shit"

      AHAHAHA. Complete and utter disrespect with the food. Like, "Hiii. You remember me! Yes, well I brought (insert poor sap's name) some brownies. His favorite since (insert inappropriate time span). I hope you love them too."

  18. While you should respect boundaries, sometimes it really just boils down to people just being insecure. You really don’t have to do anything and lames will think you are trying to take their girl.

    For example, last year a friend of mine who is the sales director at the gym I work out at came into the fitness center while I was working out and said, jokingly, you can’t work out here anymore you’re running away my members! I said what are you talking about, and she told me a woman joined the gym last week. The gym has 11 locations in the city, so if you have a membership, it is valid at any location. So my friend tells me two days before, the woman’s boyfriend came to the gym. Supposedly he saw me in my workout clothes (usually shorts and a beater). Soon afterward, the woman and her boyfriend are having an argument in the lobby, and he said, “from now on, you have to work out at a different branch, you can’t work out here no more, not with that light-skinned dude with all the muscles walking around!” Now to this day, I have no idea who this woman is, much less had any interaction with her, but this dude is worried about me. And here I'm thinking women don't like short guys and light skin.

    Streeetz: "Another said it was because I was lighter skinned."

    Let this, my story and Slim's post yesterday be added to the exhibits to belie the comforting fiction of dark-skin is in. The light-skinned brothers officially back! In the words of Uncle Ruckus, “sorry, darkies!”

      1. Streetz – you are very cute. But you DO look like you're up to no good! If I had you in my class while I was still teaching elementary school I would have a permanent eye on you. Sorry, just had to point that out, lol.

    1. "And here I’m thinking women don’t like short guys and light skin."

      They sure as hell don't in the DMV area….

      And i'm sorry but there comes a time where you either trust your SO and believe he/she won't be out there 'taking backshots" or you won't. Most of the people in my graduate program were females, so consequently i had a lot of female friends. We hung out, drank, went to movies, etc… As we got older, they eventually got engaged, got married, and some moved away. So now our friendship is nullified just because your husband/BF is threatened by me?

      My feeling is this, your GF had male friends before she knew you and as long as their relationship is just friends why shouldn't she be able to keep them. If you're that insecure about her male friends maybe some of ya'll aren't that deserving of that Alpha title that gets tossed around here so frequently…..#justsayin'

    2. "Now to this day, I have no idea who this woman is, much less had any interaction with her, but this dude is worried about me. And here I’m thinking women don’t like short guys and light skin."

      "Let this, my story and Slim’s post yesterday be added to the exhibits to belie the comforting fiction of dark-skin is in. The light-skinned brothers officially back! In the words of Uncle Ruckus, “sorry, darkies!”"

      If you were dark-skinned, you still probably wouldn't know her name, but you'da been beating them guts in showers while her BF waited in the lobby. True story.

      Y'all still out.

      1. I think I've reached my limit of thronxing women at that gym. And I'm currently tied down. So you dark-skinned brothers can have what's left.

        "Y’all still out."

        We're in there like swimwear.

  19. I think subconsciously we have the need to prove that "I still got it"- both in the sense of I can still get an S.O. if you act up, and I can still get with your S.O. if I wanted.

    My best friend in the entire world is male and we've literally been together since in the belly walks in the park. I hooked him up with his now wife and was made the best (wo)man. How did I manage this without things falling apart? For one- as fine&wonderful as he is he just doesn't work for me as a S.O. Two- I talked to his girlfriend. In the beginning. She called me to get the down low on our relationship and I gave it to her. I don't call him at inappropriate times- often when we talk she gets on the phone and give her opinion. I wanted to let her know that as his S.O. she was just as welcome in my life as he was.

    Now does this work for every situation? nope. You gotta be respectful of what's going on and figure out where you can fit in for the benefit of yourself and somebody else's relationship. It's a tight line but you know deep down inside what's wrong.

  20. @RCLS

    "And truth be told…you do like you plottin’ in ya gchat photo…”Yea, I know you see these waves girls…that ain’t no sportin waves, I gots indian hair!”"

    ________________________________

    lmao! damn son….

  21. I've been reading this blog for a while but this is my first time commenting. I have a question that I hope someone can provide some insight into because this topic is one that has been bothering me. What do you do when the person with the SO is the one who won't establish the appropriate boundaries?

    My best friend is a guy and he's in a relationship with a girl that he's proposing to in a few weeks. I'm always afraid that his gf will look at me like streetztalks is looked at by these dudes but he says its not an issue. We talk every day, hang out at each others' homes several times a week (he doesn't live with his gf), have all the inside jokes and whatnot that people mentioned above…..basically everything that previous commenters have warned against.

    I've talked to and hung out with his gf separately from him on many occassions, and she's never brought it up to me, but I still think that it could bother her. I know that she's at least once said to him that we were too "emotionally connected." What should I do in this situation where I DON'T want to be looked at as the one trying to take someone's SO?

    1. I'm really avoiding jumping into commenting today, but I still want to say welcome. I'm sure one of these other folks (probably Most (Happy Bday, Most)) will give you some good advice though.

    2. "What do you do when the person with the SO is the one who won’t establish the appropriate boundaries?"

      You set them. You seem concerned to be perceived as something you're not (and rightfully so) and since he doesn't seem to think this will cause trouble but you do, I would keep my distance, you're not just being friends with a man who has a random girl but this man is planning on making this woman his wife…don't contribute to any "possible" problems, even if she seems cool with you.

        1. Lol! I was JUST about to ask that. Thank you though. I've tried talking to him before but I kinda let it slide after a while. But like you said, I am concerned, ESPECIALLY because she's his future wife and I think that marriage is sacred. I don't want to disrespect that in any way. I just don't understand why he doesn't get that. Guess I can't really control that though.

        2. Ebony is he a good guy? Because the friends I have who don't set these kinds of boundaries themselves are just….let's just say I weep for their wifeys.

        3. @max – He's a good guy. I consider him closer than family and I know just about everything about him. Outside of young, immature mistakes we've all made, he's a really good person. This situation makes me wonder sometimes though. He used to have feelings for me about a year ago and I would think that he'd tread extra lightly because of that. I don't know though.

          Maybe streetztalk is right lol.

    3. Ebony, one day you'll be married, or engaged, or in a serious relationship. Imagine you are there now, imagine you're engaged to the man of your dreams. Do you have that image in your head? Now, ak yourself, is it ok for your husband-to-be to talk another woman every day, hang out at each others’ homes several times a week, have all the inside jokes and whatnot… etc. Are you ok with that? I don't think you are. So, as much as you care for him, and as much as you guys care for eachother, if you really love this dude, in a strictly, 1000% platonic sorta way… then you should probably fall back.

      Now, if deep down you love him in a more than platonic sorta way (which my spidey sense tells me you might), then you need to challenge homey to a game of 1 on 1 basketball and get your Sanaa Lathan on #FTW before it's too late.

      And this is coming from a married man who's best friend, since high school, is a very attractive female. As attractive as she is, and as close as we are, whenever either of us have been in relationships throughout the varying points of our friendship, the unspoken boundaries magically sprouted. And you know what, our friendship remains as strong as it ever was, even though we don't hang out nearly as much as we did when we were both single.

      Guess that's it…

  22. Great post. There are several reason guys trip like this and you outlined most of them. Funny thing is the older I have gotten the worst it has gotten. I thought it would chill out but it has actually been the opposite. Try being named James Bond and actually thinking you got it like that. Oh well now I am happily married and am so on my family grind I don't have to deal with such issues.

  23. It could be a combination of all those things. But a man is just human too. A woman knows what her man likes just like a man knows (should know) what his woman likes. Buddy have even run across a few pictures of her ex's. You just might favor them just a tad. Now when buddy starts restricting contact its probably more to it than that. Be careful. I'm currently single but I have alot of friends. I just hope I don't meet someone with a crazy jealous streak.

    Sincerely,

    Go

  24. take a girlfriend? Nah. Have sex with her? sure. Let her take you out? Sure.

    Some things I don't think a woman should say to a man, ie: ME, just to keep my little ego in tact, however, I wouldn't think twice about telling most women about how attractive another woman is. Perhaps I should learn to practice what I preach.

  25. The problem is some people have NO respect for other people's relationships. It's not only about "Oh..is he/she going to cheat on me?.." Emotional closeness between two friends of opposite sex can be as hurtful to someone and harmful for a relationship as physical closeness.

    I had many male friends when I was single but I would withdraw if they got into a serious relationship. That's because I RESPECTED their relationship with their SO. I don't think it had anything to do with a fact that I am attractive.

    I could easily imagine how I would feel if another woman did not respect me and insisted on "hanging out" with my SO. Then it boils down to how your partner deals with it. If his "best female" friend is so dear to him he can't respect the way I feel about it, I would not fight for the relationship.

    The issue about having friends of opposite sex is a complex one and different people have different threshold of tolerance. My threshold is different then my husband's.

    In a relationship, it's again about respect. If I am with someone and I care about them; I care about their happiness; I respect how they feel about issues, including this one. I do my best to show respect. I do expect the same from my partner.

  26. Man o man… This topic is fantastic… 22 year old BM… Iight… This is what it is… A relationship is the ongoing connection (& sex) between two people… It is not up to the world to maintain their relationship… It is between those two people… If the relationship fail for any reason… It is their fault, issue, problem… No one else's… I can't speak for women… But do you want to see a man get insecure… Push up on his SO… it is pathetic to watch… When I'm dealing with a girl… It is not my job to maintain her relationship… 100% her responsibility… Although it maybe the mature thing to do to help their relationship… It is not a requirement… To me, it comes down to the guy being so spectacular to her, that that girl… Wouldn't think of getting with me, even if I was his equal… It's nice that friends look out for other friend's relationships… But as far as I'm concerned… "Nobody took your girl… She left for greener pastures… Step Your Game Up"

  27. It's biological with men.. But if a man picked the right woman in the first place. & was being all that he could be in a relationship (and in that pu$$y)… He would never have to worry… But alot men know they ain't all that… And they admit when they act insecure… I'm sorry… I can't surveillance my girl to make sure she ain't cheating… It is too much energy… The same energy I could be putting into putting that pu$$y to sleep… Goodnight

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