I’m still running around Europe. Get at me on twitter (twitter.com/SingleBlackMale).
Shequanita Robins: Baby, I have something to tell you.
Jamilerian Jenkins: Sure, anything. By the way, I got a sample of that new Fire & Ice condoms.
SR: Well … that actually is a great segway into what I need to talk to you about.
JJ: So you finally started to reconsider that threesome I mentioned?
SR: Uhhhh … no.
JJ: You’re ready to let me get into that new hole I’ve been hinting at?
SR: Uhhhh … no.
JJ: I got it … you want me to help you with that gag reflex and get you swallowing!
SR: Yeah … not reall.
JJ: Ok … I know for sure. You want me to call that midget across the hall and …
SR: Shut up for a minute … damn. I thought I had the thing to say.
JJ: My bad.
SR: I want to be celibate!
JJ: Selling butt?
SR: STFU. I’ve been thinking about it and I want to stop having sex.
JJ: Baby … I applaud you for that. And it’s obvious you need a better man than me. I’ll put your number in the church circular. Deuces **Walks out the door**
Was JJ too hard on his girlfriend? Was he being mean? Or was he justified?
There seems to be a healthy contingency of women who are deciding to give up sex. While often times the result of a religious awakening, a lot of women are just starting to realize that all this free cooch out here has pushed the average price of p*ssy lower than a bootleg copy of “The Brother’s” on DVD. Some women are just realizing that sex is an intimate thing and <insert some sentimental nonsense about body=temple>.
But what about the guy?
If you meet a girl and she tells you she is practicing celibacy, then you, as a man, have the choice to pursue or not. While many wouldn’t, I have found some true gems in that virgin (or “born again” virgin, which are the ones who have loose “lips” capable of swallowing an entire coke bottle without flinching … the two liter), so they aren’t to be discounted. You know what you’re getting into and you know what to expect.
But what about if you have already been deploying deep dive dickings? What if you have already been giving backshots to oblivion? What about if her reverse cowgirl was so on point that it made you cry and re-contemplate the plight of the human existance (that golden cooch will have you all f**** up!)? What do you say when she wants to take that away?
For once in my life, I won’t give my opinion. For the second time in my life, I don’t want to embed my personal choice on the masses … I know … odd.
This is a really really really tough decision for a guy. The prevailing wisdom is that you can’t go backwards sexually. If you’re used to smashing down you girl … then how could it stop? I mean … people get divorces over this stuff.
But on the other hand … you love her … right? Obviously this is important to her and she thinks it is the right decision. Shouldn’t you support her?
What do you think? Should JJ run? Should he stick through the barren season knowing that his love will quench his thirst or at least that girl across the hall who keeps licking her lips at him and saying “I don’t mind being a sidepiece”?
– SBM aka “You want to stop doing that?” aka If God told you to do it, who am I to argue?
It all depends on how serious JJ is about her and she is willing to satisfy his manly needs…
If I was to tell the future boo "by the way im going to be celibate" and he decides to stick around, damn skippy Im going to have plan B ready and devised already so that he don't go out and "wonder"
I'll be up front about my year long experiment (April 1, 2011)- but please believe I'll figure out new ways…mouth don't fail me now.
"mouth dont fail me now" –
I wanted to type something but I didnt know what to say.
Lol… you should have said something like "as long as it don't lock up on you and choke you'll be fine" lol
That's what I'm talking about!
Mouth, boobies, hands… the possibilities are most definitely endless!!!
I'll be having pearl necklaces and earrings that's for sure… a whole lot of them LOL
Hard call. But I think his actions were justified. Not that the woman doesn't have a right to change. But what are relationships these days other than arranged and committed smash sessions? If this was a true courtship that considered marriage REALISTICALLY then I don't think JJ should bail or would be expected to. But in today's relationships. JJ did the right thing.
Hmm, recently I took a new vow of Celibacy (via Eff em Fridays – how convenient) so my comments are irrelevant. JJ should however stick around lol
I think to myself sometimes, when girls decide they're going to be celibate after long periods of skin slapping, it's a mental test like "How long can really I last without Peen-to-Poon Action?"
I'm sure it'll be hard on any "JJ" if this situation was presented to them. "How can she quit me cold turkey like that? I was getting so used to sitting in that warm poon." It's very selfish of the "SR" though.. very selfish.
Excuse my thoughts, they're all over the place.
It depends on the type of woman that this is coming from. If she has displayed/discussed her spiritual walk influenced her decision on celibacy then I can respect it.
Or has intimacy issues that she is dealing with.
If not she is getting piped by someone else (may feel guilty) or has contracted an STD from the sidepiece and biding time til that prescription comes through (Don't shoot me for my opinion please and thanks)
If not she is getting piped by someone else (may feel guilty) or has contracted an STD from the sidepiece and biding time til that prescription comes through
Hmmm….a personal decision indeed. All I will say is this: the phrase "it was a dry season" takes on a whole new meaning for those who are celibate! 😉
I think it really depends on the relationship and the direction the two parties see themselves going. If marriage isn't in the foreseeable future for either of them, I can't blame JJ for skipping out. No matter what her reasons (spiritual or other), if that's something he can't deal with then fine. The same way that she made the decision to be celibate, he has the right to make the decision not to continue a relationship with her.
I was in this situation a few years ago and ultimately me and my guy broke up. I don't blame him at all – he was honest about what he wanted, just as I was honest about what I wanted. Sometimes it just is what it is.
Well, dude had every right to leave. Yeah, it was kinda foul..but, he obviously knows he can't deal with it.
I went thru a similar thing. When I was dating my ex…I got really into church/religion and whatnot…and it was really beginning to bother me that we were fornicating…I mentioned it to him…and I believe he said "okay" or something..he may have even joked it off..but, we didn't break up. We ended up getting married soon thereafter..we were already engaged..so, it wasn't too big of a deal…I did slow up quite a bit on the s*x…I do remember that…it was a phase…..we worked thru it together though….
I am contemplating being celibate again…I was celibate for three years and it wasn't that bad….may have to do that again….well, since I am currently un-boo'd up..it shouldn't be that difficult..lol.
Good one SBM! Get me one of those croissants..while you're out there! 🙂
This some ole BS. Here's why: Let's apply the logic to any other relationship act and see how we fee.
"Woman: Honey you used to go to the store and get my supplies for that time of the month. Man: I dont do that no more"
"Woman: We used to talk and you would listen and be sensitive. Man: I dont do that no more"
We can go one forever. Regardless of the reasoning, it's selfish. JJ has to decide if he still wants to be with her and his decision is not necessarily indicative of his actual desire to be with her
Lol how does that compare to sex though? *not picking SR's side*
I picked things that werent bad as chex to further prove my point
agreed! you can't just go and change ish up in the middle of the relationship, especially with no warning. I don't think these scenarios compare to sex because I think stopping the sex is worse!! I know if my man were to stop giving me that good good, we would have problems. You just can't be selfish like that!
I agree totally with this parallel. I do feel that there has to be a certain amount of selfishness and selflessness (not sure if those are words) in a relationship for both parties but there has to be a balance. On the other hand the convo was direct and to the point regarding the others needs. If you not getting what you REQUIRE in relationship…why keep frontin.
Is it just me or is it highly selfish of this chick to make this decision without discussing it with old boy first…especially because it affects him just as much. She's a fascist!
As far as I'm concerned, if a woman is refusing to do something in the bedroom she's automatically giving him a pass to get it elsewhere…looks like SR and JJ just entered the wonderful world of open relationships…
May you be blessed for the rest of your days..
Ladies I don't care how personal/spiritual/group-logical your decision came to be. If this is something that you didn't discuss with ol' boy… don't be suprised with the outcome.
And pleeease don't throw out that "If he really loves me…" line. You'lll end up crying on your bff shoulders after she just got done thronxing your man…
I agree with both of you on the discussion piece. But if her mind was made up, and he still reacted the same what then?
it depends on when her mind was made and how she came about that discussion.
I also hear you both with discussing it first but the scenario that QueenT brought up above makes me wonder…what kind of discussion is there to have if she did decide to stop sex for spiritual/religious reasons? "Yeah babe, God told me not to do this..but what do YOU think?"
If she's being genuine about it, seems like there isn't really a lot of room for discussion (in this specific situation).
There's tons of room for discussion. She didnt wake up and decide that she wasnt having chex anymore. She probably thought about and prayed on it and if she didnt clue him in then, she's wrong.
something as in anything or something as in s*x? Because to be honest if it's what-what-in-the-butt he wants… he can get it somewhere else… gladly. lol
I'll never forget my senior year of health class my teacher told the class that the hole is for exiting not entering. And then he finished with….
"Anal sex is an act of violence"
I was all sorts of done! After that speech he had me straight shook!
your health teacher pushed his/her beliefs on your class, which is wrong.
Tell me about it!
I disagree to an extent. I think that men who are not commitment minded will always look to "one up" a lady to see if he can get better sex no matter how good the sex is with his current fling.
On the celibacy issue…she has the right to decide not to indulge anymore simply because it's her body. If he doesn't want to stick around, then he has the right to move on also.
To be honest, unless a couple is married, neither one has an obligation, either legally or religiously, to submit his or her body to the other person. That's just the truth.
"To be honest, unless a couple is married, neither one has an obligation, either legally or religiously, to submit his or her body to the other person. That’s just the truth."
hmmmm — Good Point!!!! #pondering.. 🙂
So here's my take…
Is she wrong? No. Anyone, male or female has the right to do what they feel is best for them. Even if that means that while one day she was doing everything under the sun for her man, and today she choses not to. She's not wrong. Inconsiderate…Absolutely. Especially if this is coming out of left field. But, at the end of the day if her reasons are genuine, she's not wrong for being true to what she wants to be today.
That being said, he's not wrong either for leaving. If sex is crucial to the relationship for him and he feels as though he can't be in a relationship without it…such is life. He did the upstanding thing and left before cheating. Lol.
Sometimes you can't have it both ways. I've been the celibate one and have had PLENTY of men chose not to date me because that's not what they wanted. Was I salty…HELL YEAH! Lol. But, I respected them for not leading me on and pretending to be able to do something they cannot.
Being true to yourself…whether is being sexually active or celibate is just that…being true to yourself. It doesn't mean that people will agree or want to support your efforts. We all have choices, some complement one another, come don't.
It's obvious that a LOT of people feel sex should be a given in a relationship. That's all good…for them. But for those that don't there's nothing wrong either…they just need to get comfortable operating in a world with a lot less options. Lol.
You're in good company though. 😉
I agree with you.
And while there may be less options, it's been my experience that the quality of those options is far better (for me at least).
To make the understatement of the year, $ex is important. She is perfectly within her right to make that decision, as long as she realizes that is a major relationship change, and can't be upset if he decides to leave, or as max pointed out, chooses to stay, but cheats. If a woman expects to still have a man after making that decision, she better discuss that with him first, and early in the relationship. She can't jump his bones for over a year, say I'm celibate, then when he leaves tries to say, "so this was all about $ex, I thought you loved me!"
You can't be in a relationship or marriage with a man, stop having $ex, and not expect a serious reaction. Even from a Chrisitan perspective the Bible states not to withhold $ex from your spouse unless in prayer, and even then you have to get consent first. God isn't stupid: if you can't have $ex until you're married, and then only with your spouse, then you better be giving up the goods!
Agreed…but they aren't married so she's not with holding sex from her spouse. If we're referencing the word, they were wrong from jump.
I'm not making it Biblical as that's a whole other topic. I'm just saying…God knew what he was doing, but he was referring to a different relationship all together. This example isn't a marrigage relationship. If it were the answer would be clear…
I know, I used that to reinforce the point. My first paragraph was in reference to SBM's hypothetical situation, the Biblical point was to reinforce that withholding $ex will always lead to problems.
Hugh Jazz are you trying to get me in trouble here? I didn't say cheat I said she needs to be giving him a pass…let the record show I do not advocate cheating.
It is duly noted.
"Hugh Jazz are you trying to get me in trouble here?"
Very interesting topic.
Before you make a big relationship decision, you have to discuss it with your partner. SR should have talked to him about it before she just decided to do this. Sex, or the absence thereof, effects everyone in the relationship, and you shouldn't just decided on your own that this is what you want to do without first considering your partner.
Now, I say all of that under the notion that SR and JJ are in a serious relationship. If it's not serious, then she may just be looking for a way to end things with him. And for a lot of men, stopping the sex will put a quick end to it. lol.
If it is a serious, committed relationship, then I don't think JJ should just run away without talking to her and finding out what's really going on. If she's going through some kind of religious transformation, then he might want to find that out. Then again, if it is serious, then SR would have already expressed these notions to him.
Basically, to answer your questions, it depends on the dynamics of the relationship whether or not he should run or stick it out.
mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa stop this "if he chooses to cheat." I'm sorry there is no excuse to cheat. I say this having been faithful in 2 relationships my entire life (hangs head in shame)…. but no. I don't care if I never s*x you up again. You break up on me you don't cheat on me.
Exactly!! It is not better for JJ to stick it out if he's just going to cheat. He, or any man, should just leave the relationship. No excuse to cheat. No one is making you stay in that relationship. Stick around, cheat, and then say you are sticking it out b/c you love her? GTFOHWTBS!!
Little Miss Sunshine: "mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa stop this “if he chooses to cheat.” I’m sorry there is no excuse to cheat."
There may not be an excuse to cheat, but there are reasons to, justified or not. It's like the Chris Rock joke about domestic violence: there's a reason to hit anybody, just don't do it. There's a reason to kick a 90-year old man down a flight of stairs, just don't do it.
No, I'm not justifying cheating at all. I'm saying if a man is in love, then a woman suddenly says, "give up $ex or get lost", she just put him in a difficult predicament.
I'm just saying the predicament is stay and deal or leave and org@sm.
Trust me, I understand what you're saying and agree with you. I personally wouldn't cheat, but it is still putting a man between a rock and a hard place. If he genuinely has feelings for her, then suddenly she is saying give up $ex or leave me, she is basically dumping him when he has done nothing wrong. It's a tough situation.
Nope you cant go backwards after you been giving it up.
Who.n.da.heyall wants to be celibate if they got regular d*@k in their life?!?!
Celibacy is for women with no man and waiting on "the one" to grace their presence. Even then, your celibacy quotient goes out the window cause you gotta test the goods before committing to him being "the one".
@Please Excuse Your Significant Other – I see your point there. Makes sense.
This issue is about much more than sex!! It's how our society operates now!! WE LIE!! We give and we take back all based on selfish reasons.
Sex is not a lady's dress or a man's suit!!; And it can not/should not be treated as such…because "sex" is who we are…Clothes are what we buy!!
Sex is how we got here and just like pregnancy, you can not "un -sex" your relationship!!
Some are so flippant with this "CELIBACY GARBAGE" (my personal opinion), they come off sounding like they are simply "repainting a room"!:-) Nothing could be further from the truth.
You are unilaterally rearranging your, "mutually agreed", relationship sex rules!!
Celibacy if you are a virgin is a viable position. Otherwise, don't be fooled….IT'S A POWER PLAY FOR CONTROL TO SHOW AUTHORITY….Period!!
Talk to any husband and most will tell you the frequency goes way down when she's mad and up when she's happy!!! CONTROL!!!
The same rule still applies: What you did to get them; You gotta do to keep them!!!
We been sexually active for months, now you want to cut it out totally? A recent change of heart? B.S.!!!
Sex is so much a part of who we are…we are gonna have it "eventually" regardless of what we "say". We can't cut off having sex ( & mastur****** counts) any more than we can change skin color!
If I ever say something this stupid, the woman I'm with better check my cellphone. I'm being "celibate" alright; but ONLY when it comes to HER!!!:-)
Celibacy is the new code for…I need new Pen** or I want new Pu***. Don't be fooled..unless you are a virgin and/or you and your new boo ain't done the Mc Nasty "YET", practicing celibacy (now) AIN'T GONNA HELP YOU or your relationship (see the Catholic Priests Stories; They ALL took celibacy vows as well…And you see where this got'em????) Man up! Woman up! Tell the whole truth! You got another piece you wanna hit….You need a sex break!!!…You stressed!!!…Need to add sex spice!!!…But…."Ni**as & Ni**ettes… Please" don't use Celibacy as your excuse!!!
Ok… I'll stop drinking Hennessey!!:-)… NOT!!!!!
Jay…you been drinking that Hennessy early this morning…lol. You are always extra with it…you crack me up! 🙂
Ooooh! I agree with this ish quite a bit!!! That is so true… so so true lol
And There You Have It!!
JJ's lady has done this to him about a hundred times.. In fact, *chex watch*, I think they're due for another one this evening. She is his one, therefore they both see marriage in the future. So each time it comes up, they discuss it and he eventually ends up jerkin' it in the living room to Beyonce's "Video Phone".
The problem comes the next night or so, when she's all close by him acting like there was no such discussion. A subconscious part of her plays the "no sex" card because she wants to seduce him. That's when he gets pissed off, because he ends up being the one trying to reinforce her decision.. but of course a man can only fight off the woman he loves for so long. They end up back n the sack and he's pulling on her hair, pulling pulling on her hayerrr..
When this happens a hundred times, and he wants to do right by his woman, things can get pretty frustrating. Don't confuse your man, ladies. If you're gonna make the decision, make it a firm one.. and respect the result.
I agree with you RemTheMulatto..don't make it a power struggle..if its your true conviction..then stick to, it bearing in mind all of the consequences.
I'm always down for HENNESSEY,… THE TRUTH…. AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH :-)…
I took a vow of celibacy once. It didn't work out too well. Not because of him, moreso because of me. I'm just too horny for my own good.
See that's what I say, I can't take one cuz I know d*mn well I'll break it… My name says it all, look it up, that's exactly what it means, and that's exactly what I am… I want it all the time…
You guys are tripping today.
Listen, if you don't want to have sex, you do not need the approval of your partner. You need to come to grips with the fact that your decisions have consequences and will cause a reaction. But if you do decide to do so, I admire your candor and valor. Let her or him live…
It's not a relationship decision, it's a personal decision.
There it is…
It's not about getting approval. It's about letting the other person in the relationship where your head is regarding sex. It is the considerate thing to do to give a person a heads up that you are feeling some type a way regarding sex. This isn't like getting a hari cut or going natural. Those are personal decisions that only affect that person. If you decided to become celibate while in a relationship, that decision involves 2 people. The considerate thing to do would be to talk about what's going on, not to seek his approval.
If the chick is saying "I'm not having sex but you go ahead and get yours" that's a personal decision.
If she's saying "I'm not having sex and therefore neither are you" that's a relationship decision.
There is nothing wrong with wanting sex!! 🙂
Sex is Air… Can't breath without it!!
The "for my own good" aspect is being too hard on yourself!!… You doing you is cool? … Live yours!!!
And if you need sex (which we all do)… What's the prob? 🙂
You good!!…Trust me!!!.. Most guys don't know their own feelings from dirt (their feminine side)!!!..And most women are not in touch with their masculine side!!
Get your groove all the way on….just be careful in pickin a s*x partner…the sex drive & the partner pickin is two different thangs!! Lol…:-)
This one is a great topic!
I have question though… Ladies how would you feel if a man said this to you? Would you accept it?
If my man said this to me, I could respect it. And while it may be hard, I'd probably accept it. Now, certain things would have to change just a bit to resist the temptation of wanting to have sex, and putting him in a compromising situation.
Well… he'd better be up for some japanese takeout.
lol what if he wanted NO sexual contact? no head no sex. kissing and dry humpin maybe. what then?
It would have to be that way…no?
Doing anything else besides kissing puts you in a risky territory of breaking this vow of celibacy.
If he/she was smart…that would be the terms and conditions,lol
well.. i would promise him that I would try that high school game plan for as long as I could but after that we'd either need to get married (if it's religious) or we have to part ways like ben and j.lo.
"lol what if he wanted NO sexual contact? no head no sex. [kissing and dry humpin maybe]. what then?"
Man….. Whateva happened to Make-Out Sessions — are brothers anywhere doing that anymore!!?!?! #missthosedays#
I'm starting a PETITION!…
I could accept it….I would definitely give it a try. I look at it like this…relationships end all the time with regular S*x going on..I would like to see how a relationship could flow with s*x completely off the table….I'm game for that.
I'd give him a mean o_O and then ask him how he came about this decision.
After that I'd probably seduce the h*ll out of him and prance around in all of his favorite little numbers… or with absolutely nothing on but heels when cooking…
If he still says no and wants to continue with his celibacy then I'll respect it much…
And become extremely close (more than I am now) with Mr. Pinky…
I'm sure that after this comment and your earlier "Mouth, boobies, hands…" comment, the only man that would be able to turn you down is Job.
Lol Job as in the Bible Job?
As in that Job. Seriously, you're walking around the kitchen cooking wearing nothing but high heels? You're combining food and sex? That's not even fighting fair, I'd tap out like Kurt Angle had me in an ankle lock!
I'd respect it…from my own personal experience & being in the uncomfortable position of someone trying to press the sex issue while i'm the one practicing celibacy, i wouldn't want to put him in the mind frame that i was once in…
This was a source of contention in my last relationship. It was discussed before we got together, and all during our relationship. (I'd just recommitted my life to the Lord) Needless to say the legs spread..
Massive amounts of poon action didn't keep him from cheating.. so there's that..
If homegirl decides to take away the pootytang, then she needs to be ready for the consequence of said action. I once told a boyfriend that I didn't wanna have sex anymore (it was really bad!) and he said "i want sex all the time, even when the wind blows." i said, "ok, then we gotta break up.." and we did right on Super Bowl Sunday..
Now See Dr. J is trippin 🙂
A relationship iz "two (2) peoples"!
Personal is "one (1) peoples"!
So it's totally illogical that a personal decision -in a relationship – is not a relationship choice! 🙂
JUST AN EXAMPLE:
If the Good Doctor's logic is totally true…
…The "fact" my ex girl got "strung out" (her personal choice) has absolutely nothing to do with the breakup of our relationship!!! 🙂
As in, when she was on that stuff, I was fear for my life, when I saw her grab the knife and got the heck outta the house (my personal choice) … I'm laughing really hard right now!!!!
Bush's personal choice was to get our troops into IRAK!!…But this was also a very important relationship choice (cause he sent others to die for his cause).
To a man, I doubt you would find one injured person, at Walter Reed who is happy with their "personal choice" to follow the "relationship path" promulgated upon them by their meer enlistment….and assigment to the zone (Bush's Personal Choice).
When any decision you make effects another…it ain't personal choice!!!
"Personal" & "Relationship" are listed in two dfferent places…at least in my dictionary 🙂 lol .. lol .. lol .. lol
Nah son, you're tripping. What you put in your body is up to you. Your body doesn't belong to you and your significant other. Neither does your faith. Confusing the two is how a lot of people have been swindled into, "If you loved me you would let me…" We're talking about s*x, not the end of the world. Or how you want to decorate the house, or raise children.
Second, know thy audience.
It was the decision of the American people to enter Afghanistan after the 9/11 attacks, 73% of people felt that we needed to attack and get them where it hurts. Iraq called America and the Joint Chiefs of Staff recommended that we go in and remove Saddam from power. The Iraqi people and several allies demanded America stay after they went in and removed a government from power because the country was unstable and headed to an unavoidable civil war.
The veterans at Walter Reed, whom I know very well, some will tell you some of it's BS, but they also know they signed up to fight for their country. Moreover, several of their fellow soldiers are still in Iraq and Afghanistan and rather than leave them behind would trade all this, to go back and help them out too.
Bush's decision was not personal, it's a classic example of no one willing to take accountability for their actions after they went south.
interesting that some of the bruhs and i had this exact conversation riding back from raleigh last night. i really don't know how i would react if the woman i was dealing with told me that she wanted to be celibate.
i remember when i tried my hand at the celibacy thing. that surely didn't last too long. lol
*thinks back to Eddie Murphy Delerious & inserts "vag" in Ice Cream banter*
"I got my vag. I got my vagg. Wanna lick? *hold out vag then pulls it back* SIKE! I got my vaaag. I got my vaagg!"
Okay, I'm done now.
he should just marry her so that they are no longer living in sin. *bbm straight face*
did I type that? did I mean it? LOL maybe someone else came up with this too, since I haven't read the comments yet….
I don't blame him for walking, I do think the conversation shouldn't go the way that JJ took it. There's a different way to end that relationship if he feels that he can't handle the lack of sex. Then again, I'm sure in real life, the conversation would have been handled a little differently.
This reminds me of the discussion regarding drastically changing your hair when in a relationship. I fell down on the side of needing to discuss it before doing that, and I feel the same here. *shrugs*
MAN I LOVE THIS BLOG!! 🙂
Dr. J…now you really trippin!! 🙂
"Relationship"… and "Sex" go hand in hand.
A relationship without sex is no relationship per se, in the context of this discussion, i.e.
"1. The couple is currently sexually active 2. She decides to go celibate 3. What should or would he do? (And vice versa)!"
By extension, and as a product of having sex "inside this relationship"….What if she becomes pregnant??
By the Doc's logic, it's her personal choice as to whether to carry the fetus to term…OR NOT!!! :-)… After all, it's her body…RIGHT?
By The Doc's logic, the average man would not be entitled to any input on this decision….Right? 🙂
Worse, how would this work if she chooses to go forward "without" his knowledge of the child coming (again her personal choice)…and subsequently approaching the court saying.. "Pay Up Pappa"??!!
I can hear it now "But Your Honor.. I shouldn't have to pay this child support because having this baby was HER PERSONAL DECISION!!!…So MY PERSONAL DECISION is not to pay!!! 🙂 Lol Lol Lol Lol…
"In the true biblical sense, the good book says… "Leave & Cleave" & "The two (2) become one (1).
In Common Law, the husband and wife are looked upon as being one…until the divorce or legally seperation of lives is properly documented by the Clerk's Office!!..So, until then, and as a point in fact…"Mr. And Mrs. Johnson" will denote one (1) entity…. not two (2).
The audience means nothing..
…The Law of Gravity is The Law of Gravity whether you are totally single, in a marriage, co-habitating, engaged or dating (sexually active or not)….
…For at the end of the day, when we give our word
… Our word carries weight
… And others should be able to unquestionably depend on our word, in order to properly judge (and regulate) their actions within the "relationship" framework.
In every relationship (which is in essence every human endeavor)… being true to one's word is the foundation of all positive activity!!
So the question is in essence…if I change my mind about being sexually active.. Did I lie?
Sure I did!!
I engaged in mutually concensual sexual activity, knowing full well my partner (and I) were going to engage in this activity…regularly!!
Then….after my partner has adapted to this style of living… I decide to augment my behavior going forward, regardless of my implied promises and past activity in the said area.
I did not keep my word!!
The American People are not dying…. Individuals are dying, based on, as we now know, lies!!… AS THERE WERE NO WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!! 🙂
We do the best we can with the information at hand…If the information is no good…Our decisions are faulty…Regardless as to how honest we perceive our personal convictions to be.
None of these soldiers would have gone, knowing then, what we know now!! ..(Unless they were stupid or delusional).
Which for the purpose of this conversation is exactly my point… IT AIN'T JUST ABOUT SEX!!…It's about basic honesty 🙂
It's about letting the other person know, that they can depend on our words (the precursor to our actions).
For these and other reasons, I still respectfully maintain your logic is flawed.
When I was in the service, there was a saying we used: The job of The Pentagon is to answer the question you asked, not the question you should have asked!!! 🙂
What human wants to live constantly trying to figure what questions they "should have asked"?
And is this really how we want to be inside our relationships?…oops..there's that relationship word again!!
I give my people much credit…regardless of forum..to separate "fact" from "rhetoric".
Black Women complain often, and I must say with some justification, that we Black Men drop the ball too often and don't take care of our responsibilities (in numerous areas)!!
What they are saying is…"We men have a tendency to SAY ONE THING BUT DO ANOTHER!! 🙂
As the old folks told me…THAT KNIFE CUTS BOTH WAYS!! 🙂
Much Respect… Awesome Blog…Which is why I visit!!! 🙂
🙂 this has to win an award for longest comment ever. has to…
Jay: "By the Doc’s logic, it’s her personal choice as to whether to carry the fetus to term…OR NOT!!! … After all, it’s her body…RIGHT?
By The Doc’s logic, the average man would not be entitled to any input on this decision….Right?
Worse, how would this work if she chooses to go forward “without” his knowledge of the child coming (again her personal choice)…and subsequently approaching the court saying.. “Pay Up Pappa”??!!"
That's pretty much how the family courts see it, as convoluted and retarded as that is.
Women give up sex because they think it will fix another problem. When 100% of the time it isn't the sex that is the problem, but their decision making in men.
I like how everyone glossed over this comment here.lol.
I actually think that there is a lot of truth in this comment. However, I've never been in the situation to want to be celibate, so I could really never know for sure. This prompted my question below, actually.
This reminds me of my Junior and Senior years in college. The girls always seemed to find God about that time and those prior years of slutting out become a thing of the past. No beef but it just amazed how many times it just seemed to happen.
I think JJ was cruddy how he did it but I don't blame if he knows that he wants sex to be a part of what constitutes a relationship (I would have added committed but he was wanting threesomes and midgets and what not). Especially when you change the game midstream. It would be one thing if he knew that this was something on her mind or, when they started, becoming celibate was a possibility then JJ would be wrong 100%. Since she just dropped it out of the sky on him he can just drop off the scene.
I've told a guy (in the past) that i was celibate (this was when it was by choice) and he still pursued me but he didn't really respect it cause he constantly pushed the sex issue in trying to do things or get me to do things that would lead to sex…smh…
So with that, I think men should still pursue the woman but respect the "vow"…there are other concerns that might be behind that "vow" besides the emo feeling of "my body is my temple".
Maybe JJ should actually sit & have a discussion with SR about why she wants to be celibate & how long she wanted that to last and what not before just walking off in the manner that he did. *shrug*
I'm late but I agree…if we look at the dialogue, he walked out versus hearing her out. Maybe if the conversation were to continue she could explain her rationale and how she came to the decision. Not that he'd be able to change it. But the communication that he is "owed" could happen. Last week…or the week before…we talked about how some things aren't said to keep the peace. Maybe she didn't mention it when she first got the thought because she needed to wrap it around her own head.
#agreed! Sometimes, people (both men and women) need time to contemplate on a decision before it becomes set in stone without outside influence. Sometimes, you just need to do things that you feel is best for you and not just the other person. I'm willing to bet that there are some guys that went about it the way that JJ did though…Communication is key, #period.
I'm curious about this. For those of you who have made the decision to be celibate before, could you tell me some of your reasons.
When I decided on it, it was to kinda cleanse myself (in a sense) & eradicate some of the complications it seemed to bring me, in terms of relationships. I hoped that during that time, I would find someone that wasn't so bent on sex but as i have previously stated, I found someone who was hell bent on sex & didn't respect that decision or the fact that I was trying to take things slow before entering into a serious relationship…
I made the decision about 3 years ago when I accepted Christ in my life. I'd been in a relationship for about 4 years and he was not feeling all the "God-stuff" and basically looked at it as me "making excuses." I haven't regretted my decision and have remained celibate since then. Like someone said above, it can def limit your options in dating and relationships but I'm okay with that.
I am curious to see if it'll make a difference in a relationship.
I've had a relationship where sex was all that kept us together and another one where we bonded for nearly 3 years without sex. I wonder if that was just a fluke so i'm trying it out.
Hi, my name is _and I am a sex addict Hi, my name is _________ and I am a Scorpio and former sex addict.
It will be a year in August marking the anniversary of
torturemy celibacy. My decision was based on a history of unhealthy relationships. I came to the realization that sex was one of the factors that clouded my judgement. Thinking back, these men did not respect me and definitely were not worthy of me (all of me).
So I stopped the FWB arrangement.
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I don't know why but this post made me think of a question is it wrong to take away sex while in the midst of an arguement with your bf.
That heffa is in SERIOUS breach of contract.
When they got into that relationship, she was obligated to continue doing the same things that brought the relationship into fruition; she then decided later down to the line to not honor her end of it, so the aforementioned relationship is thereby null and void.
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