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Touch It Whydontcha?


SBM’s post on the celibacy movement that seems to be sweeping the nation got me motivated. And no, I don’t mean motivated in the sense that I’m going to hit mormon country, churches, or other wholesome places trying to find a woman holding a no entrance sign so that I can try to trespass. It motivated me to think of my most basic physical needs. After all, I’m a man with normal to moderately high hormone levels. I, as well as most of you, know that sometimes you just gotta blast off regardless of if NASA says there’s a dry storm coming through that’s going to delay the launch for a while.

While no woman has ever pulled the celibacy card on me, I’ve been involved in a couple of Cold Wars of the Loins. If you’ve ever been in a relationship or mutually agreeable situation where y’all were at each other’s throats (Pause), you probably had some period (eww) of time where nothing went down. You both probably the thought the relationship was nearing its end or that the other person was involved in shady activities. Either way, when all was said and done you probably engaged in some of the most passionate coitus in history despite the end result. If you haven’t been through this, consider yourself lucky and I hope that you get to experience the misery since it loves company.

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But see, despite the frustrations of my droughts caused by relationship drama or just being single and striking out/taking losses, I always had a secret weapon. A weapon that I denied existed and I tried to refrain from using often. Women have asked me about it and I’ve been reluctant to answer. It’s always with me in plain sight, but I’ve kept it hidden.  But damn it, I’m not afraid (not afraid) to take a stand (take a stand) anymore! Everybody (everybody) should take their hand (take their hand) and use it. See, me and my hand have walked this road together, through the storm, whatever weather, cold or warm. It’s let me know, that I’m not alone. Holla if you feel you’ve been down the same road. Sorry Eminem. I sullied your song.

Just beat it. What? It's comic relief!

Yes. People need to stop frontin’ like they don’t rub one out or vibrate one out every now and then. And those who think it’s a disgusting act need to relax, relate, and rub. When one is comfortable enough to touch ‘self, they make their life easier and can actually add some spice to their relationship if they happen to be in one. I mean…what happens if you’re in a long distance relationship and don’t see each other for a month? Do you not have spicy conversations to keep things fresh? Do you go ahead and have the spicy conversation and end up laying in bed tossing and turning with loins ablaze? Do you walk around aggressive and hostile and risk getting fired because you haven’t cleared the tank? Do you go out and slide off? Do you get your Nam Myōhō Renge Kyō on? I mean seriously. How do you live? HOW DO YOU LIVE!

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But truly seriously, one is never too old or too good to rub one out once in a while. And if you don’t wanna touch, find a shower head or other high pressure water dispensing apparatus to get the job done when you feel the hormones taking over. Still don’t wanna do it? Well guess what? There’s a remote controlled jawn you can order online that plugs into your computer. Take that e-love to a whole new level. And please let it be known that this post is written for primarily for women because otherwise it’d be awkward. Only thing I can really say to the fellas is don’t leave a bad first impression because you had too much pride before you went over there.

I don’t even know what questions to ask y’all today really. Am I off base? Is it really not that serious? Can a long distance relationship work without some handy work? Umm, yeah and whatever else you wanna say.

Go Ahead. Shake My Hand. It’s Been a While,

Twitter: @slimjackson Website: www.threewaystotakeit.com


  1. Well, when she's been a good girl, I like to give my pussy a good pet. Nothing to rough, just enough to make her purr. Now, there are times I neglect her, so she gets extra frisky when I play with her. Those times are usually good times for both of us. And it's even better when her cat hair is freshly groomed.

    I need to go to bed… LOL!

  2. "Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it. No one wants to be defeated. Showin' how funky and strong is your fight

    It doesn't matter who's wrong or right.. Just beat it, beat it

    Just beat it, beat it Just beat it, beat it Just beat it, beat it" Michael Jackson.

    You have to be in tune with your own body in order to be able to know what you like and what you want and what pleases you. How else are you suppose to know what you like and don't like? Being in tune with one's s*xuality is completely healthy, and beating it once in a while is too or in females case vibrating or fingering it out is completely normal…

    So, I'll leave y'all alone while I go and get acquainted with Mr. Pinky.

  3. Ahh. Refreshing. I wrote about this. 🙂 And I agree. I'll definitely rub one out for the homies. Since I'm on this move and vow of celibacy why not? It's nail painting season. But I definitely said I'd give it up. Aww crap. No more nail doing for me. Nia, you're doing the absolute least right now, talking about your vag. Lol

    Penelope says hi all! *le purr*

  4. So…grown folks are still fronting on the party for 1? I thought after a certain age, you just assume that everyone is rocking themselves to sleep.

    Listen, its yours. And chicks really crack me up: there's always an excuse or some justifiable reason for rubbing one out. It's been a while, I had a bad day, I had a good day, etc. Why can't you just flick and stick because it's a Tuesday night and you feel like it?

    So yeah. Just do it #nonike. You can't break it, and the results are always good. Unless you're doing it wrong, or not enough.

    1. There are a lot of people out there claiming they don't do it or never have done it. Usually when I ask why, it's just a shoulder shrug or "that's nasty." They get the puppy dog head tilt and inquisitive eyes.lol.

      1. I believe she's commented elsewhere!

        And folks just have to wallow in their ignorance till they finally discover that masturbation can be bliss, especially in the times when no candidates are in sight/within reach but still have that afterglow along with the monkey off you back (so to speak).

  5. I touch myself in the car, at the bar, on the couch while drinking Capri Sun out of the pouch.

    But in all seriousness, I touch myself…a lot. I have a showerhead that's just magnificent and my "preciouses" are never too far away. I don't get what the big deal is. Why not please the one you love most yourself.

    Plus when the dry spell is over I know where to direct Mr. towards.

    1. while I am a huge fan of the itouch, I am very jealous of shower heads. I heard they can do things I can't. Now everytime I take a shower I watch the water pour out the spout trying to pick up tricks.

  6. Seriously though, who doesn't . It's a healthy part of developing your sexuality. And because I lost my virginity a lot later than most people, I started bating mastor when I was young. It's how I got by in HS, and most of college. By the time I had sex, I could tell him exactly how I liked it because it had already been done through self-stimulation. Obviously, you can only do so much when loving yourself, but you can get the general idea.

    I didn't know this was still an issue with some people.

  7. I can't get jiggy with people who absolutely shun the idea of getting to know themselves a little bit more. I know Penelope and I know what makes her purr. Does that make me nasty? Nope! Just makes me more away of my parts. And myself. I know what makes me [and my insides] tick, spasm, scream & cream. Zing, zap, twirk & squirt. I'm with it. Question is, why aren't you?


    1. i disagree… I think does make you nasty.

      But there is nothing inherently wrong with being nasty.

      If it wasn't nasty, why do you wash your hands? Unless some of y'all are just licking your fingers.


      Everyone wants to talk about getting to know themselves, no one wants to talk about the clean up.

  8. "There are a lot of people out there claiming they don’t do it or never have done it."

    Who ARE these people? Sigh. I suppose if you have religious reasons, fine. But "that's nasty?" Really tho?

    *bbm talk to the hand face*

    I'd wait on the fellas to chime in, but methinks they're already puttin in work.

    1. Religious reasons? Like what? Is that a sin? Oops, I didn't hear that in church on Sunday. lol. I guess I sin A LOT. Like Twice A Day a lot. Seriously, Thou Shalt Not Touch Thyself wasn't a commandment, was it? I always miss the end of the movie…

  9. Like madonna sang 'express yourself, don't repress yourself…and I'm not sorry…it's human nature'…

    If u don't know what u like how can u express that to him.

    I don't see the need to talk about it outside of the bedroom tho… it's only ever come up in conversation once outside that scenario with a family friend…I was totally drunk and I don't remember what I said…but he always gets a mischievous glint in his eye when we talk about that night…it's his knowing smile that gets me…dude still he teases me to this day about it…thing is we ended sleeping together down the line anyway…and oh boy was it worth it 😉

    *Leaves smiling and singing* express yourself, don't repress yourself!

  10. i already wrote about this last week.. so i'll just say that i don't do it..
    although some conversation last night had me willing to be converted.. but as usual when i'm feeling randy and there's no body (lit and fig) around, i fell asleep…
    it's like when i'm starving and there's no food in the house.. i sleep and then i don't feel the urge anymore..
    i'm not against it.. i won't hit anyone with the "that's nasty".. do you.. (lit and fig)

  11. Me and Palmela Handerson are very close. I must admit that I use this more as a way of getting to sleep rather than a chexual thing though

  12. I had a girlfriend tell me she doesn't do that (with pride) it makes her feel sick to her stomach…blah, blah, blah….and then months later tell me she tried it again and liked it….girl, bye. lol.

    To each their own and if you don't do it yet…..you will one day…and you will like it.

    That is all.

    1. That's exactly why I choose not to do it (and I don't use toys): ADDICTION !

      I don't care about what the bible says, I don't care what people think, I just won't. ''I like the banana from the tree'' only.

      btw, 3 years of celibacy And single…

  13. I don't think I visit the Love Below as often as others. Only on occasion. During periods when there is not one around to tend to the Love Below, I just live by the "out of sight, out of mind" motto. That seems to work pretty well….until there's a love scene in a movie or something that gets me hot and bothered…and well, I gotta handle my handle.

  14. All the time…all the time and not ashamed to say it.

    I do know a brother who "claims" he's never done it, but….he's a cop so i'm not surprised.

  15. I've said all I can say on this subject. I do it. A lot. And I think people who don't do it have issues. Sorry Nickerz – but it's true.

  16. An adult topic for real!!

    Everybody has sur-comed to The Master (de) bater!!!

    Subconsciously children do it all the time out of sheer joy and curiosity!

    Then we darn "adults" spoil the party with "That's nasty!!", "Nice girls/boys don't do that", "Eeewww!"..etc.

    A lot of our children are then messed up fo life when it comes to expressing their sexuality!!!

    So OUT OF SHEER JOY AND CURIOSITY (All Smiles Trust Me)… We gentlemen should be down with any woman that "really" knows her body….We should be good mechanics and no mechanic does anything without a MECHANIC'S MANUAL… since MANUAL is part of the word MANUALLY… meaning "by hand" lol lol lol 🙂

    Gentlemen (notice I still didn't say playa, balla, etc lol)..The next logical stimulation step is easy;

    ….Ask your partner to PLEASE "verbally instruct" while allowing you to do the MECHANIC work "for them"!!! …THEN FOLLOW THEIR INSTRUCTIONS "EXACTLY"!!

    BUTT… before you begin "mechanic-king"…Cut off yo dang cellphonez!!!….

    ….Then set yo CD Player to song repeat & Dust of that Prince single "Head"!!!

    It's the gift that keeps on giving!!!

    See? Self Awareness… Leads To Quality Verbal Instruction…Which Leads To

    Good Hot Buttered Satisfaction (for all parties at interest)….

    …And the main reason "Celibacy is dead!!

    That's what I said"

    (Signed Curtis Mayfield) Lol

    [Tongue Deep In Cheeks] 🙂 🙂 🙂

  17. Le sigh.. SBM is full of s*xual zealots.

    Women, have any of you been inclined to turn down s*x and instead do it yourself?

    I know for most men, when we think we want to have s*x with a chick, if we fire one off in the bathroom real quick, we change our mind about 50% of the time.

    Just wondering…

    1. Yep, I've turned down the cut buddy with the knowledge that I can do it myself without all the hassle. It's not the same, but at the moment it was more convenient.

    2. a rub can save you from making several different kind of mistakes…..

      even with dating. If you go out with a loaded weapon you are more likely to spend more than you usually would.

      clear head can go a long way.

      1. I thought he meant if someone was there (who you wanted), willing and ready…and you turned them down.

        But as I said in an earlier post…the "out of sight, out of mind"…"if I don't mind, it don't matter" method works for me.

    3. "Women, have any of you been inclined to turn down s*x and instead do it yourself?"

      hmmmmm… turning down D+Strong Hands w/piano fingers+thickazz tongue w/soup coolers = NEGATIVE!!!!!

      nOpe I can't say that I have… 🙂

      1. *ding ding ding*

        You see these slender fingers I have *looks down at hands*

        There is an EXTREME difference between D…man hands…and well my hands

        1. There is an EXTREME difference between D…man hands…and well my hands

          ^^^Tabernacle & Co-Sign!

  18. Nothing wrong with it nothing at all, I mean why not?!? There can only be a positive outcome right? Which leads me to this comment… (well not really but I was just having this conversation with someone). I DO NOT understand how a woman can say she's NEVER had an orgasm and you are older than 25. Like seriously though, Do yourself a favor and TOUCH YOURSELF. You are too old to be walking around having sex and not enjoying it. Dummy.

    I met someone who claimed she enjoyed sex sooo much (and was kind of a loose goose) but said she never had an orgasm. O_o. I came to the conclusion she just wanted the attention from guys. I mean how you gonna give it up so easily so they can enjoy themselves and you not get off too?! *sigh* Where they do that at?! (btw I'm totally not condoning being a "loose goose" but #imjustsaying 🙂

  19. People at work are constanyly asking me why I always walk around with a smile on my face: Twice a day habit.

    I just don't think its important to long distance relationship, I think its important to MONOGAMY.

    Its not normal for a man to be with one women. However, thanks to the help of my imagination. I can sleep with Sane, Cheekie, Max, or NIA anytime I please.

    The way some people talk about their service, its as if they just touch themselves with no mental vision and still arrive. However arrival with me is 60-90% about thought.

    1. I agree. We a lil "ME" time and a lil imagination a person can do the sexually improbable, and impossible; jump into pornochios, engage in troisies, and slay people who generally wouldn't give them the time of day, or day of the week for that matter. All that is possible of course, until the endorphins run out, or your hand cramps up, whichever comes first.

    2. However arrival with me is 60-90% about thought.

      ^^^Same here…can't get to the intended destination without some sort of visual or thought of a person in my mind.

  20. "Women, have any of you been inclined to turn down s*x and instead do it yourself?"

    I wouldn't pass up D for me, but, I've definitely thought in the moment "aint this a b-i…I could totally do a better job."

    I'd have given him directions but therer wasn't enough time. His bad.

  21. The only thing greater than masturbation is the invention of sliced bread, the discovery of fire, and punani.

    Little known fact: masturbation can cure some forms of cancer, and everytime you masturbate, an angel gets its wings. <——-True story.

    For those of you that have met Slim, now you know why one of his forearms looks like Popeye's.

  22. 1) Masturbation saves lives…i'm not joking! It is the only way i get through rough patches like this one!

    2) I know someone who doesn't (a guy) and i wonder how he lives… I'm an advocate for blasting one off whenever the need is present, it releases SO much tension and I have told him so!

    This post made me giggle and no you aren't off base, i think it was spot on!

  23. TESTIFY!

    I started at 16 and haven't looked back. I wouldn't call what I do bastermation anymore, it's a self-stimulated miracle.

    I use it mostly as a sleep aid but now because of all the manual labor my testosterone levels are sky high so I'm poppin off at least once a day sometimes twice. Sometimes twice before I knock off and go to sleep.

    I've never turned down some nappy dugout for some self love though. I will rub one out so I can calm down and make sure all parties are pleased with the activities though.


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