***********Admin Note***************
As Slim Jackson embarks on his sabbatical, drinking CocoLosos on a mountaintop and contemplating the meaning of life, we treat you to another guest post. This time we bring you the fantastic musings of one of the newest members to the blog community – MaxFab! You can catch her daily exploits at Max-Logic. For now sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. Pause.
– Streetz La Fleur
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During a recent conversation with a girlfriend, I dropped a bombshell on her that hurt her feelings and scarred her for life. We were discussing a mutual friend; a confirmed bachelor who seems to be systematically spreading his seeds across the female population of Toronto. My girlfriend does not rate this behaviour. Let’s take a peek at the conversation, shall we?
Mrs. JudgeyMcJudge: “When is it gonna end? It has to stop! Doesn’t he want to have a meaningful life??”
Badgyal Max: “So his life’s not meaningful because he has a lot of chex??”
Mrs. JudgeyMcJudge: “No it’s not! He needs to settle down and learn to be fulfilled by just one woman! He will never be happy until he falls in love!”
Badgyal Max: “Eff love!”
Mrs. JudgeyMcJudge is stupefied into silence.
Let’s consider the man in question, shall we? In his late thirties, he is intelligent and accomplished. He’s funny and insightful. He has a good relationship with his family and he has a lot of great friends. He also has women. Women he dates, women he bones, and women he befriends. And with all of these women he is honest about not wanting to settle down or fall in love. He lets them know right off the bat that he doesn’t see himself being with just one woman now or ever. And then he slams them. And their friends.
Or consider your favourite blogger (let’s pretend that’s me for the sake of this post). Rapidly approaching my mid-thirties, I’m intelligent and charming. I have a good relationship with my family and a handful of very good friends. And when the opportunity arises in this stale-food city I call home, I date men. And if they’re lucky, I allow some of them to smell my ladyflower. And while I might occasionally get close enough to one or two of them to let them have some superficial knowledge of my whereabouts; that’s as far as it goes. I’m honest from jump in telling them that I have no intention of getting serious or falling in love.
Both my life and that of my p*ssy-slaying friend are fulfilling and meaningful as far as we’re concerned, so where does the idea come from that in order for us to be truly happy in life we must fall in love? Is there some kind of biological imperative that humans can only find happiness in pairs? Did I skip the class where we were all taught some ancient wisdom that dictates that true meaning in life lies in romantic love? Is it in the fine print of our constitutions? I don’t know, but to me this narrow-minded and arbitrary prescription for happiness just smacks of a society whose rules are based on the plotlines of bad romantic movies.
Now before I get accused of being bitter and hurt for the millionth time let me say this: I’m not effing love in theory; I’m not effing those of you who have love in your lives or who actively seek it. I don’t cringe or gag when I see love in the streets. I love love, love is beautiful. But I also think Jenna Jameson is beautiful…doesn’t mean I want her to come live in my house.
So I ask the question again – where does the idea come from that in order for us to have happy, fulfilling lives, we must have a romantic partner to accompany us on our journey? Why is it so hard to consider that a carefully constructed life of fulfilling work, good friends, loving family relationships, and a steady stream of great thronxing is enough to make us happy? Who made that rule? Because I would like to punch that person in the face.
I have all the respect in the world for those of you who are willing to search for love and who – when you find it, are willing to work at sustaining it. It’s an admirable undertaking. But for me, I feel like I had it before and I’m good now. Right now I want a life of order, of peace and quiet. And romantic love often ends with someone’s bunny in a stockpot. So I say eff love….let’s just eff!
What do you guys think? Anyone else out there removing love from their list of must-haves for a happy life? Do you believe it’s impossible to be truly happy without a romantic partner? Are those of us who say eff love just deluding ourselves or trying to avoid being hurt? Who’s effing love with me?
Follow Max on Twitter: MaxFab<
"Who made that rule? Because I would like to punch that person in the face."
I think it'd be a bit impossible to punch this person in the face…
I'm not going to try and get religious or anything, but the Bible / God stated that we were created to be with our partner. We were created to be a couple not to be in solitude. If that was the case, Adam would be into bestiality and women wouldn't exist (Sorry Lord, I'll go to church on Sunday)…
I personally do think that we all that someone out there that compliments us in our every being. When will we meet them? No clue. But it'll happen. It's just called patience.
Max great post!
Lola you can only play the bible card if I can get some written proof that you are abiding by 1 Corinthians 6:18!
looking up the online version of the bible AS WE SPEAK.
LOL! I love it.
@Maxfab… I believe I posted good some stuff on your "Great Guys Vs. Regular Chicks" and didn't too much of a response… But #ThatIsTheWayTheCookieCrumbles
Great Post…
I think the whole mongamy things comes from all sorts of places… Media, parents, religion, king's decrees, and (you guessed it), women…
It is set to benefit the less valuable person in the relationship…
On the same coin… I love mongamy… But I challenge women all the time with this
If you want to BE MY #1, you have to BE #1…
Other than that… I will continue to spread my seed…
I think most men & women want to settle down… But finding your #1 is a very tall task…
#I'mDone
Adonis I saw your comments…I will respond to them soon, I promise.
I absolutely agree with you MaxFab. I think love is wonderful and relationships can be fulfilling but I don't think relationships are the final destination. There are other things that can bring us happiness and won't hurt us, like a Hermes bag or classic Chanel jacket. . . Although I haven't necessarily accepted being single as a given, I do recognize that there's more to life than being in a pair.
People always say that the most important day of a woman's life is her wedding and although I enjoy a good party and a gorgeous dress why does my romantic life have to be "the" most important day of my life? If I don't get married, does that make my life unimportant?
But anyways,great post! Valid points. I agree!
"There are other things that can bring us happiness and won’t hurt us, like a Hermes bag or classic Chanel jacket"
Exactly. And add in some Gucci shoes and I might even be saying eff chex!
But I also think Jenna Jameson is beautiful…doesn’t mean I want her to come live in my house.
^^^LMAO!
I would love to find love but it just isn't happening right now…and i'm pretty ok with that. I see some women that i know that harp on the fact that they want an S/O and i just don't get the codependent behavior…there are so many ways to be fulfilled without an S/O (this is when toys can come into play, lol)…i think there is a lack of love for self (or self-lovin of a different variety) that people have that pushes them to feel like they NEED to be with someone when all they really need is themselves…others aren't always reliable but if you wake up in the morning, your skin is still there along with all the other parts of you that help your body operate so that you can move throughout the day. *shrug*
Great post!
Hmmmm…..*purses lips* I agree with you Max but only 50% of the way.
I'm on Team Eff Love for the same reasons you are: My daily life is fulfilled by that of a career I love, I've experience love before so I don't feel like I'm missing anything, and I keep few h*es like Santa (excuse the Nicki Minaj reference, don't judge me) on deck. But I think our underpinning motivations are different. Actually, I think I missed yours. I mean besides, challenging the status quo and daring to "do you", what is the reason?
I'll be honest. I had my heart ripped out. So call me heartless. But I've decided to LOVE ME until I'm ready to love someone else. What does that mean? I'm focusing on building my career, creating extraordinary memories with family and friends, and preparing myself emotionally, mentally, and financially to give love another try at some point. So in all actuality, I'm just keeping the bench warm.
I'm truly all about sharing experiences with that person I love. Honestly, I'd rather NOT date. Dating is for the birds. Give me one dude who can hold a great conversation, make me laugh, is ambitious, and is a master cocksmith and I'm no longer a free agent!! I don't want to continue to roll my eyes everytime the phone rings and it ain't who I want it to be.
The fact of the matter is, people who avoid giving their heart to another knows that it can't be broken if it's locked away.
Co-sign!
I agree w/ Danni. I’m truly all about sharing experiences with that person I love. I'm a nurturer through and through & w/o a monagamous relationship & someone to nurture, I'm a tad bit less happy. That's just me… I love my family, friends, and my career. They all bring me great joy and I am not sulking in a dark corner b/c I don't have a relationship. I just know my light shines a bit brighter and I smile a bit wider when I'm devoted to someone. However, I am not actively seeking a relationship b/c at present I've got school/career to focus on & myself to love/heal from past bruises. Plus the big man upstairs said… "he that findeth a wife, findeth a good thing" I"m the wife/good thing, come find me. LOL.
I know this is a corny line from like 1,001 romantic movies/novels but life [for a lot of folks] a smidgen less fulfilling without someone to share it with. Yes, I could share w/ my friends/family/thronxing buddies but they've all got other(s) — significant others, kids, other family — to tend as well. In that scenario there is no one dedicated to hearing about my day… and I'm a woman… I NEED to talk about my day. Lmfao.
Hide ya wives! And LMAO we are WOMEN! We really DO needs to talk about our day. And once asked [by a guy that cares], is it just me or does it start with a HEAVY SIGH?!
LOL Suki!! It does begin w/ a heavy sigh… like you are releasing all burden b/c he cared enough to ask. *Le Sigh*
"In that scenario there is no one dedicated to hearing about my day… and I’m a woman… I NEED to talk about my day."
I agree with this 1000%. It's those little things about having someone you love vs. someone you lust that I enjoy the most. The thronxing buddy only cares about well…getting thronxed. LOL
Yeah I don't really need to talk about my day. Maybe that's my problem.
*Side note*
Did ya'll know that "thronxing" was not in the urban dictionary? I had to fix that.
"…people who avoid giving their heart to another knows that it can’t be broken if it’s locked away…"
Exactly.
My reason is simply that I don't see love as being essential to my happiness as a person. I was happy when I had it, but I'm just as happy without it and I don't see that changing anytime soon.
That's cool! I can understand and agree with that and I totally respect you for that. A lot of women feel the need to have a s/o in order to feel complete. You have to feel complete and whole within yourself first to be truly happy with ANYTHING. *thumbs up*
@L.DeJean Love your attitude… I want love, but don't really need it… And it so funny… I don't run into those type of girls… I guess I am looking in the wrong places… I told a older enlightened man, we were in Queens Library, that women complain that there are no quality men, but always see single men in the library… (that's ny hangout spot) And I see alot of men who come from work who appear to be blue-collar… Some are single, some are unhappy in their relationship… They are out there… But some people would rather complain, then put themselves in a better position to find love… #NoExcuses
@Danni As a 22 year old Black male, who is in the same place emotionally as you are, minus the great career (I'm too legit to quit)… Only the difference is, is that the reason why love has been unkind is
@I believed that women should be put on a pedestal AND was chasing after low self esteem females (Recipe for DISASTER), got hurt after these women
@The women I want tend to like thuggish, swaggerish men… And as you know I am a nerd THROUGH & THROUGH… So, instead of complaining for the rest of my life… I made it my mission to raise my quality of maleness… So until I have all my issues handled before I get into with women seriously (I stopped dating black women altogether)…
Being in love is fantastic… But if you weren't lucky enough to be taught the right things about life, and had bad influences (fatherless home, lied to from birth)… You gotta go and fix all the damage… Eventually, I will need to get some therapy to handle all my handles…
Otherwise you get what you get in life….
Nice comments
I told a older enlightened man, we were in Queens Library, that women complain that there are no quality men, but always see single men in the library… (that’s ny hangout spot)
^^^My favorite spot is Barnes & Noble! I stay in Brooklyn so i wouldn't go to a Queens library! lol
And as you know I am a nerd THROUGH & THROUGH…
^^^My ideal man would be a nerd! I think nerds are hawt, lol!
Anyway, some of the women that i'm closest to have the mentality that they NEED someone in their life in order to be happy & I'm fighting against thinking and being that way! I want to be able to find someone that I can be happy with & go through life's journey with, however, i don't feel like I need that in order to function…I have aspirations that i need to focus on like finishing my master's program before I can worry about having an S/O. If i find one between now and then, that's fine too but i'm not chopping at the bit for it right now.
oh and the j is lowercase…lol
MAX FOR EFFING PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is all I have to say.
Perfect person to fill in for Slim. You go girl!
Admin, please put Cheekz on time out for using the phrase "you go girl".
Want a light beer? Do you care how it tastes?
Admin, please put Cheekz on time out for using the phrase “you go girl”.
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lmao….
I can't even complain about that one.
**three snaps in a Z formation**
I couldn't help it, I Loved Loved Loved me some Max.
Hu huh Honey.
Yay! Max, you're awesome and I e-love you and all but you can't be coming up in heyah talmbout "eff love"! *shakes fist* Okay, I kid.
What do you guys think? Anyone else out there removing love from their list of must-haves for a happy life? Do you believe it’s impossible to be truly happy without a romantic partner? Are those of us who say eff love just deluding ourselves or trying to avoid being hurt? Who’s effing love with me?
– Removing love from list of must-haves? I can't say it's a "must-have" but it would be nice to have. Like a new pair of shoes or a puppy. I joke. Love is cool. Why not?
– Well, I dunno who said we need love to have fulfilling lives. I mean, I've gone a few years without love and my life has been.. *taps chin* well in shorter words, I've been fine
and lonely.I guess without love, people assume you get that kind of companionship you can't get in regular friendships and in not-so-monogamous relationships.
A lot of people who have said eff love (I was one) or still say it now have their own personal reasons. I know when I said it, it was because I'd been hurt and I didn't want to feel that again if that's what I had to go through for a four letter lookin a$$
n!ggaword. Hell no, could not be me again. BUT I mean, everything in life can't be that easy. Love isn't easy. Comes with bullsh!t from time to time. And for the rest of the people, some may be scared and/or scarred. Others might not even want to give it a second look. Or first. Others can do without it period. Like I said, all personal reasons.With love, I can say that I agree and disagree with the whole thing. I also love love and indeed it is a beautiful thing. Been there & done it but I'd give it another shot. Of course there's nothing wrong with guys sticking their meat
in random glory holesin a bunch of women and nothing wrong with womenspreading their legsaccepting a lot of meat (well there IS a problem, but who's counting?) I agree with Lola in saying that there has to be someone out there for everyone.Oh and lol @ "And if they’re lucky, I allow some of them to smell my ladyflower."
"I agree with Lola in saying that there has to be someone out there for everyone."
I'm not convinced of that…but that's another guest post for another day 😉
I can smell it coming! [pause] Or maybe I should just see it coming?
Yes there's a scientific study I read a few months ago abt the human brain and relationships. Humans are designed to be monagamous and are happiest so. Each time a person has a new sexual partner there's a part of his brain that inhibits him from connecting emotionally with a partner and will overall impact the quality of relationships and increases the ability of suicidal thoughts. So having multiple partners is mentally damaging…just look at how many people both men and woman can't find love due to hurt? Google it! And of course there's the Bible to confirm it.
I love this post!
I'm still a student (my last year yay!), I have a 22 mo old son, & I work 2 jobs…so i don't exactly have much time for men…lol. Hopefully one day when I have the lifestyle I'm striving for I'll be ready to get into a relationship. Until then I say eff love & I sorta avoid men like the plague. Lmao!
Great post though!
I am kinda on that eff love kick right now..but, for a different reason. I am focusing on myself and my children…I'm not actively seeking a partner but if someone crosses my path who is interesting and fun….I may give him an opportunity to go with me on my journey thru life…but, its all about me right now…
Love has nothing to do with anything…I'm in love with a guy right now..and its not working out..we are not together…but, I am okay with it because I love myself more than I love him….so, I'm good. I think when you get to a point where you enjoy your own company and you can go it alone that is when you may truly be opening yourself up to some good and healthy love……..but in the meantime enjoy YOU!
So, in closing I am co-signing this post because its about loving yourself. so I love it.
Good post Max!
I love your comment :')
QueenT: I think when you get to a point where you enjoy your own company and you can go it alone that is when you may truly be opening yourself up to some good and healthy love……..but in the meantime enjoy YOU!
BINGO!!!!
and…..The opposite sex can definitely sense that in a woman and they do tend to find that ALL SO SEXXYYYYY… because she isn't giving off the needy/clingy/thirsty/wannabeMrs vibe…
"The opposite sex can definitely sense that in a woman and they do tend to find that ALL SO SEXXYYYYY… because she isn’t giving off the needy/clingy/thirsty/wannabeMrs vibe…"
I actually have not found this to be the case at all. It may very well be a lame-ass Toronto dude thing; but in my experience men find un-clingy, not-looking-for-commitment women off-putting and unworthy of even a basic level of respect.
I keep reading about the men in Toronto being referred to as "lame"! I don't understand how an entire region of men are pathetic! If I weren't currently dickmatized I would make that trip just to see for myself. LMAO
Hmmmm! Really….
it must be a canadian border thang because here in the NYC clingy/thirsty/desparadoDivas IS NOT THE TRUTH…
#imjustsayin
Yes! It is time to consider relocation!
So I wont speak about religion or what the Bible says b/c everyone doesnt believe in what I believe and to even impose that belief on anyone (i.e. telling a non believer they are living an unfulfilled life when they didnt ask/seek that info out) is disrespectful and intolerant.
But I think that there is a very logical explanation to the phenomena that Max is talking about. People suck at logical conclusions. State the fact that some does not necessarily, and probably does not, equal all or most. With that being said, we see some ppl, both men & women, who are running effing everything b/c there lives are unfulfilled. Hell, I'd even argue that most are but the bottomline is that most or some does not equal all. Just b/c Day Day and Tatalalishous is effing everything b/c something is missing in their lives does not mean that the same is true for David & Tara.
Furthermore, fulfilling is a term that can only be used to define the present. Thus, a person can be currently fulfilled right now but not necessarily forever. (i.e. as a college student i was fulfilled w/ an internship now I'd be damned)
Not picking a fight over semantics but… she did ask what you think & if what YOU think is based in religion, then speak your mind.
No b/c it lacks appropriateness. When we speak to each other there are certain undeniable truths that our conversations are subconsciously based on (i.e. 2+2 = 4) which sets the framework for our conversations. Unless discussing religion in of itself, the framework is all thrown off if you bring religion to a person who doesnt believe/isnt seeking
While I semi-agree w/ this b/c in response to Max's inquiry my undeniable truth has less to do w/ religion and more to do w/ the type of person I am… I'm puzzled by the fact you think that someone who isn't forcing their thoughts/beliefs on Max couldn't answer the question using their undeniable truth — religion — if that's what their answer is based in.
To borrow/paraphrase what Most said down thread (this is my last time quoting this man for the week lol) it makes w/e your saying mute and moot b/c the person hearing isnt working with the same framework
Speak your mind reggin! like Hide Yo Husbandz said!
So my question is… are you saying just b/c Max (or anyone else) is fulfilled at the present w/o a relationship doesn't mean that won't change?
All i know is that they are fulfilled at the current state and cannot even begin to hypothesize if that fulfillment will change
Yo, I don't even rock with Peyso like that (this week), cuz he's a Que and I'm an Alpha, and we'll be doing battle on the gridiron later this, but, this post was on point.
At best, we can only estimate, based on what we know of ourselve and our own personal evolution, what we will require for fulfillment in the future.
Also, bringing Religion into the picture. It puts us all on uneven playing fields which makes it harder to communicate. It's like playing a game of spades where one team is playing with the duece of diamonds as a top 4 card and the other team is not.
Max, fabulous post!
I have a friend who absolutely believes that she is not happy unless she has an SO. I mean crying herself to sleep and calling exes-all of it. But I believe her 'need' is misplaced. She's just searching for someone to give her the attention and unconditional love that she missed.
I believe that the idea that we 'must' be paired to be happy comes down to this need of ours to be loved and accepted unconditionally for who we are – the real, authentic self. Most times, it's all too easy, even with the best of friends, to let them see/love only the mask you portray (and let's be honest, we all have masks). I think we can live fulfilling lives if we committ ourselves to being wholly honest and authentic in our trusted relationships. If we can't, then we absolutely need someone close enough, who won't leave (I know, not guaranteed) to love the truth of who we are and support honest growth.
Not saying this is how it always works, but would be the ideal situation.
I have a lot of friends like that…I think it's a pretty common thing.
I find that in general, people who never give themselves time to be single don't realize that it is possible to have a full, happy life without an SO – and that's how opinions like Mrs. JudgeyMcJude's are formed.
I hear what you're saying.. I understand where it's coming from, and even if I didn't understand it's your choice, so who am I to balk at it. I think you were correct with naming your friend "judgy mcjudge" because she may not realize it, but that's exactly what she was doing. The guy told the broads upfront his stance, and they STILL boned him. That's on the chick. And as long as he isn't being dishonest or hurting anyone, then he can live his life however he wants.
I had a friend that turned EVERYTHING (every conversation, every life goal) into the "But all that is meaningless without a man to share it with." Mind you, she's a lawyer. When I asked her why so thirsty, she said that when she turned 32 things just "changed" and that it would happen to me. Well, I turned 32 on Saturday, and nothing changed except the minutes and hours. Oh, and my clothes.
She wants a husband, so I say "ok".. but I SURELY gave her the e_O when she moved to Atlanta.. (oohhhhh… kayyyyy)
I believe in the Bible, I know what it says about love and procreation etc. However, it also says thatmarriage isn't for everyone. Not everyone has the desire for it, NOR has the desire to fall in love. Paul (one of the most effective men) said that it's best to not get married so that you could devote yourself to other things. (In his case, spreading the news and starting churches all over) Both sides could be argued.. Now, I'm not trying to turn this into a theological debate As it stands right now, I'm fine without love. Don't get me wrong, I want it, but I can't put my life on hold waiting for it. It's nice to know that at the end of everything, with all the flaws and imperfections, someone STILL wants you. It sort of validates who we are and let's us know that the crazy in us isn't so bad. But of course, the ideal situation is that if the "validation" never comes, are you ok with yourself as a person regardless. Not a lot of people so the self-reflection necessary for that answer to be "yes"…
"It's nice to know that at the end of everything, with all the flaws and imperfections, someone STILL wants you. It sort of validates who we are and let's us know that the crazy in us isn't so bad."
See this is where it gets sticky to me. It's all fine and dandy to be involved with someone who loves you flaws and all #nobeyonce but I just don't see that as a good enough reason not to eff love…because what happens when my little idiosyncrasies are not validated by my partner? Does that make them not okay?
"When I asked her why so thirsty, she said that when she turned 32 things just “changed” and that it would happen to me." – I agree w/ what the first part of the sentence. Her idea of fulfillment changed and for HER she needed a man. I disagree w/ her imposing her sh*t on you though
Here's my two cents…
I don't think that marriage is for everyone. That thing takes a lot of work and energy and some of us aren't built for it. But love…love I think we all need. It doesn't have to be a romantic love, but we do need to have family or friendships that are loving genuine relationships. Without that, we suffer.
Me, I used to dig having sex without being in love, but I lost interest. After I fell in love, and experienced how different the sex could be, I didn't want it to be any other way. When you love the person you're with, when you know them inside and out, the sex is more passionate. You move different, you moan different.
When I ended that relationship and went back to casual dating, the sex seemed to be…lacking. So, Max, I'm an advocate of love, but that's not to say, casual sex can't work for some and I'm not hating.
Terrific Post!
<del> Testing The StrikeThrough </del>
you gotta close it too
What do you guys think? Anyone else out there removing love from their list of must-haves for a happy life?
Nope, can't say that I am. Then again, I never thought of love as a must-have for a happy life. Love is just what happens, or what will happen in my life. I think romantic love brings you a different kind of happiness, a happiness that familial and brotherly love cannot give you. And even though I am happy with my friends and family, I know my love for them can't be a substitute for romantic love.
Do you believe it’s impossible to be truly happy without a romantic partner?
Impossible? hmm… good question. For me, I don't think I would be truly happy without a romantic partner. I can be happy for the moment, but will I be happy in the long run, when I'm 38/48/58? I can't say that I would be happy not having someone other than my family/friends and occasional lay to be there for me. While I may be happy and fullfilled now, 10 years from now may be a completely different story. Besides, at the age of 38, I would hope I'm not doing the same things I'm doing now at 28. That includes being single.
Are those of us who say eff love just deluding ourselves or trying to avoid being hurt?
Yes. lol. But seriously, I think fear is the underlying emotion behind the "eff love" movement.
Who’s effing love with me?
Not I, said the cat
Yeah, I need that deleted, I put (Strike/), and not (/Strike)
you gotta put /strike within the <>'s
Ive said for a few years now (to myself) that marriage will not define my life. I LOVE luv…I mean…LUVx3…but if I dont get married and have children…I'll put my energy into something Im very passionate about. SINGLE WOMEN…lol…but all jokes aside, as I have many female friends Ive heard most of them express there desire to be a wife. in some ways it validates them as women, and makes them feel warm and fuzzy that someone wanted them "forever" vs a sidepiece or a jumpoff. all of that is understood. i have so much respect, and LUV for LOVE, that I'll settle for nothing less than the best of it. does that put me in a predicament (is it kinda like holding your breath? yeah), but at the same time, I just refuse to sell mysel short. I know a lot of men, and a lot of women who got married "well, i do love him/her, but im not IN love", and to each his/her own, but should your "house" burn down per se, the arson investigators wont take long to put the pieces together. I want a "mini-me" really bad…but I wont chop off 40 percent of my income to make sure his mother is wearin the flyyest ish around…I want a wife, but Im not in the frame of mind to take "the best that I can get" and try the time-tested-but-failed method of "sprinkling sugar on s**t" to make it taste better. there is much to do in this life, and not enough time to do it in…so with that being said..I'll fall in love and wife a chick, if the universe should so deem that I should. When Im single…IM SINGLE…and I try and embody the word SINGLE. when Im committed…thats me snuggling up under ya boobies when im sleeping, and a whole other lot of fringe benefits. but for me…its a coin toss.
why does my last post have strikes going through the entire thing?
someone attempted to use html tags and failed miserably.
Yeah, I crashed & burned with HTML tags… I need the moderator to delete it… Well… I'm gonna be extra skilled with it now…
@Max Stay away from promises & vows, that gets alot of people in trouble… (See: Tiger Woods)
I rather you just read & comment, then say you are going to read & comment… This way you don't set the stage to get chewed out if you forget…
And I need my comment deleted… HTML Tags Gone Wrong
@Internetdrama Weddings are overrated… People conveniently forget that you have to maintain a relationship for 10 – 60 years…
Gonna Try to be succinct today.
I think the problem lays in how we define love. I agree, we do not find fulfillment in the kind of romanticized love we see in most forms of entertainment media. That sort of love is an emotion and emotions are fleeting. Those emotions are great when you have them but, they are not necessary for long term commitment, nor are they necessary for long term happiness. So in that sense, I agree with you Max. "Love" – that kind of love, isn't necessary for fulfillment.
Now, love, for me, is a word that describes an action. It's something one does not something one feels. Like anything, if you give your love to everybody or, if you chop it up and give bits and pieces of it to a few people, that love loses some of its value, it becomes no different than anything else you're willing to share with any other person. It's like a pair of shoes or a coat. If however, you make the decision to reserve it for one and give it to them and only them, then it becomes the most valuable thing you can give.
Now, here's where the fulfillment part comes in. When we're born, we each have a lock and a key. But, our keys don't fit our own locks. We can jam it in there and make it work, and be happy that way, or, we can wait for someone with a key that fits to come along and open it for us, and we can open theirs for them.
When I wrote this post I thought to myself, if anyone is going to come with something compelling enough to sway me from this line of thinking, it will be Most.
If I spend too much time thinking about this:
"When we’re born, we each have a lock and a key. But, our keys don’t fit our own locks. We can jam it in there and make it work, and be happy that way, or, we can wait for someone with a key that fits to come along and open it for us, and we can open theirs for them."
I'll be eating my words.
@Dr. Suki people don't realize how much work it take to have a successful, high quality relationship… As a human being you really have to have your sh*t together… Otherwise, you have a string of broken relationships, and you won't know why
@Lil E… it is nothing wrong with anybody strongly desiring to be with another… But when I see people that "have" to be with somebody, it really sets the stage for them to get used & abused…. People take advantage of you when you are desperate…
Somebody put Adonis on the short bus for the rest of the day… this is rediculous!
Is looking at all of this strike through making anyone else itch?
I don't even see any strikethrough on my end. *shrugs*
Seriously? I'm going cross-eyed behind this mess.
"Are those of us who say eff love just deluding ourselves or trying to avoid being hurt?"
yes.
I also think there's something fundamentally wrong/missing with people that feel the need to just rack up mileage on their kitty/breadstick. I think it's referred here as "spreading the seed". WTH? how special can it be if any ol random has taken a turn?
"I also think there’s something fundamentally wrong/missing with people that feel the need to just rack up mileage on their kitty/breadstick. I think it’s referred here as “spreading the seed”. WTH? how special can it be if any ol random has taken a turn?"
– This line of thinking is part of the problem. No one ever said it was special. Maybe they feel that every human of age should be able to have chex w/ any other human of age. That's their belief but to think that something is wrong w/ them is quintessentially intolerant. What you are saying is that something has to be wrong with them if they dont share your same views on life. Slippery slope
Call it what you like…intolerant sounds good to me…and I will make no apologies for it. In fact here's something to further cement your opinion of me:
"What you are saying is that something has to be wrong with them if they dont share your same views on life"
~~YES! but not "life"…but on the sacredness of their bodies and what is exchanged when you are intimately with someone. *shrugs*
And imagine if we applied that line of thinking everywhere. What would we have?
You're implicitly cosgining racism, all other isms and shunning any notion of cultural pluralism.
LMAO…are you SERIOUS? That's a part of the problem right there (using your line)…I responded…addressing one point regarding sex…and you've decided that my one point is now linked to racism and all other 'ism's in the world. Amazing. Utterly amazing. Don't kitchen sink me.
"And imagine if we applied that line of thinking everywhere. What would we have?"
to apply the thought everywhere that our kitty's and breadsticks are valuable…I don't know PEYSO you tell me because that WAS my point there…I can't imagine it would make the world any worse. wth
I dont take issue w/ you saying that the kitty, the breadsticks and the pasta are worth something. I take issue with you saying that if a person doesnt feel the same way as you that something must be wrong with them. Your views leave no room for people who are hedonist or a part of any communal chexual relationship who live healthy lives and are at least seemingly happy.
You're not considering the workings of the human psyche at all. The fact that when people think that someone is worse off, they tend to start thinking that they superior. The fact that one's inner feelings tend to manifest themselves in their actions both consciously and subconsciously. I'd argue that you probably speak to and treat people who you think have something wrong with them differently than you treat others. If you dont, I'd definitely argue that most people do. This is where the slippery slope is created. I take issue that you think that you can limit a line of thinking to one topic and not expect it to be applied elsewhere. You value chex, but whose to say that I couldnt apply it to anything I value; say religion or race or financial status. This isnt kitchen sinking. Its a logical progression that I didnt want to spell out b/c i hoped that u'd see it. But i was wrong
Your response almost in it's entirety made my back hurt. It was riddled with hypocrisy. What you should be taking issue with, is that all of your assumptions about my thought process and everyone else's for that matter is a strong indication that you're no different than the person you're attempting to make me out to be. Judgmental and intolerant.
For the record, regardless of what or who or how many people you lay down with, that does not dictate how I treat you. You are a prime example of that…I've taken offense to MANY a things you've said and yet and still I've spoken to you with the same neutrality that I would if you said something I'd do handstands for. Bottom line PEYSO is that despite the fact that I disagree with people that screw everything that holds still long enough, and also think there's something wrong with them because they DO…they're ALLOWED…and SO AM I to disagree. And none of our lives should be negatively affected by disagreeing…seemingly! Hysterically enough…you're also allowed to tell me that I cosign racism and all the other ~ ism's…and guess what? I will still disagree with you and life will still go on whether you're borderline disrespectful and insulting my intelligence…or not.
Here’s why you’re mistaken:
You wrote “is that all of your assumptions about my thought process and everyone else’s for that matter is a strong indication that you’re no different than the person you’re attempting to make me out to be.” – I commented about the workings of the human psyche and because you are human, it is a very fare assumption that you had a similar psychological and mental process. However, I left room for you to be different from most humans (and myself) when I wrote “If you dont, I’d definitely argue that most people do.” And for the record, you cant accurately argue if you do or don’t because it’s based on the subconscious which by definition we are not aware of but that’s neither here nor there (Gladwell discusses this ad nauseum in his recent writings). I made no assumptions; I simply failed to cite popular and widely accepted studies in race relations and human psychology. I won’t cite dozens of books and studies that have proven that subconscious ideas and thoughts do manifest themselves in our actions b/c there are really too many to name.
You wrote “(You are) Judgmental and intolerant.” – Judgmental? Naw. You have every right to feel however you feel.I don’t think that you’re dumb or any lesser of a person or that something is wrong with you. I just think that you’re mistaken and a bit misguided. Intolerant? Yes, of your intolerance. Ultimately, I don’t think you understand quite how big of a blanket statement you initially made. You said, to paraphrase, that something is wrong with all people who have had many partners. You’ve made a comment about people you don’t know, who you know nothing about. You know nothing of the facts around how or why they have/had sex. You are being judgmental and not giving people at least the chance to present the story of their lives. This is eerily similar to being prejudice.
You wrote “I’ve taken offense to MANY a things you’ve said and yet and still I’ve spoken to you with the same neutrality that I would if you said something I’d do handstands for.” I’m not sure how you can disagree with someone and argue your point and then claim to be neutral. But this is a moot point because disagreement is not what I have issue with. I have never argued you that you weren’t allowed to disagree with their lifestyle choices or decisions that they have made but to think that “something is fundamentally wrong/missing” with people, who you have never met nor spoken to, is foolish and a bit ignorant.
You wrote “Hysterically enough…you’re also allowed to tell me that I cosign racism and all the other ~ ism’s…and guess what? I will still disagree with you and life will still go on whether you’re borderline disrespectful and insulting my intelligence…or not.” Firstly, if you feel the slightest bit offended, I sincerely apologize. However, my point still stands. Implicit actions often come unknowingly. Of course you never said racism, sexism and all other isms are ok. But what I was trying to explain is imagine if we substitute religion, race or gender with sex or “life” (as you called it)? We are in a position where we would be called religiously intolerant, racist and sexist or just plain ole ignorant. I cautioned you to be careful of the slippery slope that was created by your line of thinking.
"I have never argued you that you weren’t allowed to disagree with their lifestyle choices or decisions that they have made but to think that “something is fundamentally wrong/missing” with people, who you have never met nor spoken to, is foolish and a bit ignorant."
*sigh* And I say again…hypocritical.
Is it not "quintessentially intolerant" for you to say that I am foolish and a bit ignorant?
I don't make it a habit to engage in conversation with blatantly disrespectful people. It's interesting that in your best effort to impress the masses you take the time to mention Gladwell and ALL of the many books that are out there. Yet you didn't take the time to read them and learn that verbally insulting your "opponent" is the lowest form of intelligence.
Fortunately for all involved, mostly myself…I don't have the time nor the mental fortitude to address each and every one of your offenses in this last retort of yours. You don't know the first thing about me or my journey in this life. And if you would've taken the time to INQUIRE what I meant by "something fundamentally wrong/missing" instead of jumping out of the gate and assuming and spewing your psych 101…perhaps…perhaps it would've had a different outcome.
However, like I said earlier..life goes on…even with you now being blatantly disrespectful and further insulting my intelligence.
We have rapidly reached the point of diminishing returns. There's nothing left to further discuss.
.
Okay Seven I'll bite – what exactly did you mean by "there’s something fundamentally wrong/missing with people that feel the need to just rack up mileage on their kitty/breadstick."?
To be honest, that seems a little "blatantly disrespectful" to me…it's one thing to say you don't participate in the behaviour, or even that you don't rate the behaviour. But to say there's something fundamentally wrong with people whose choices differ from your own seems a bit much to me.
@ Max…this is what I wrote back to Adonis:
"You Adonis I can talk to…you read what I wrote…and disagreed or not…you questioned me on it rather than ramming something down my throat (that sounds awkward). That’s how people learn and grow…giving and taking.
Anyway…when i said fundamentally wrong/missing. That’s what I meant…something is missing or wrong in their lives that is driving them to leap into bed/car/etc with multiple people in a short amount of time. I didn’t mean that they were condemned to hell…I didn’t mean that I was superior to them…I was saying it from an analytical point view. That’s the thing about “reading” someone’s thoughts…unless you “hear” their inflections or watch their body language…the words can easily be misinterpreted. And the train jumps off the tracks…"
Adonis…you are SO on punishment…LMAO
"Eff love, let's just eff…" CLASSIC!! lol! Nothing wrong with doing your thing! As long as you are fine with it, who cares!
@Nick@Nite That 32 lawyer girl is on to something…
When a woman starts getting into her late twenties, early thirties, she realizes, that her beauty is fading, and her ability to have kids is fading… So, naturally I could see why she would be focused on finding a mate…
Let's say if her natural drives don't kick in… Sometimes her parents think something is wrong with her, if she isn't married by a certain age… A reality that alot of older women face…
A woman's relationship with a man is her highest priority… That pretty much is the ultimate in happiness with her when she has a man, is very caring, giving her orgasms… And leading her through a wonderful experiences, it's no better than that for a woman…
(BTW, a man's PURPOSE is his highest priority, then his RELATIONSHIP with his woman…)
But if there is no quality male in sight at the moment, then she should keep herself occupied with other things…
I just don't like the love at all costs mentality that alot of people take… It can be really detrimental, especially if you haven't got your issues handled
My girl.. (how can i say it?) "TOOK IT THERE!"
everything became about finding a man.. like all of a sudden, the new clients she had, or getting into graduate school successes meant nothing.. it annoys the H*LL outta me because she was the judgemental friend.. and had no problem judging others.. yet when she became "that girl" all of a sudden, she has an issue with it..
It's annoying.. and she made it seem like because i was 7 months younger, then i COULDN'T possibly understand what she was going through.. GTFOH.. i let people do what they want and say whatever until it affects me..
her wanting to thrust this newfound "necessity" in my ear eveyrtime we spoke on the phone, affected me..
(First time poster. I think) Max, you know I love your blog so I'm happy to see you here!
You asked if there was a "class where we were all taught some ancient wisdom that dictates that true meaning in life lies in romantic love." Well,yes, kind of: the Romantic period of literature was popular because it dealt the world of the idyllic. The archetypal Romantic plotline/hero quest involves the following:
1. (Disordered world) Boy finds girl but..2. ..loses girl. He goes on a quest/discovery process. . . 3. ..succeeds, finds the girl again. (Universal order restored).
But this is an ideal, perpetuated by the media/romantic literature. The problem lies when people believe in the idyllic instead of dealing with the (wonderful) chaos of reality.
You asked why it's so hard for some to accept that a "carefully constructed life of fulfilling work, good friends, loving family relationships, and a steady stream of great [dirty] thronxing is enough to make us happy". I think the alternative is hard for some to accept. To someone who marries b/c they expect that one relationship to satisy all their holistic needs, or because (worse) they expect it to be the "solution" to the 'problem" of being single, the suggestion that we singles can find the same level of fufillment in various realms is perplexing. It challenges their own notion of marriage as a (ideal) cure-all, the holy grail of self-fufillment.
I firmly believe that we need love in life -to give love, to receive love – but to suggest that total fufillment/ validation stems from one human connection? I don't believe that.
Ah SmartCat you never cease to show up in the comments and articulate my point of view better than I did. Y
Tee hee. See if the commenters can't remember if they've commented before, I should get a little slack, right? Right?!?
Welcome!
"I firmly believe that we need love in life -to give love, to receive love – but to suggest that total fufillment/ validation stems from one human connection? I don’t believe that."
SmartCat/Max
"What you about? On that independent sh*t, trade it all for a husband and some kids? You ever wonder what it all really means, ever wonder if you'll find your dreams?"
–The Incomparable Yeezy
Love the literature reference, but that could easily become an art imitating life/chicken vs. egg conversation so I won't go there.
To the part of your post I quoted though, I agree. It's not total fulfillment. It's just the fulfillment of that part of your life. So – if everything else is in place, and that's missing, you're not fulfilled and you won't be till it is. If you were in the most perfect relationship of all time, but your career sucked, or your relationship with your parents sucked, or you want kids but couldn't have them, you'd be unfulfilled.
So, I don't think any of us who are "the marrying kind" think that our lives were completed by our spouses alone. The just completed the part of us that desires companionship. There's a part of both you and Max that desires companionship. I'm sure of it – not even knowing you. The most ideal way to complete that part will be to find a life partner. So like I said above, you can jam in keys that don't really fit and make them work. But, that's not the ideal.
I think that many less-evolved people than you Most do believe that their lives are completed by their spouse; or simply by virtue of having a spouse, whether the relationship itself is fulfilling or not. For a lot of people, their validation as a human being comes from being claimed or loved, rather than from within as (I believe) it should. So in my conversation with Mrs. JudgeyMcJudge in which she called my life – and that of our p*ssy chasing friend – incomplete, my eff love was really more of an eff you for imposing your standards on me.
I will agree with you that if there is a part of me that is looking for a romantic relationship, it will remain unfulfilled if I don’t have one. I can’t plug that hole with career accomplishments, chex, or Black Weblog Awards. But looking at life holistically, I’m happy and will continue to be happy even with that little sliver of the pie missing.
# Ican't
All these strike thrus is BAD for my Astigmatism
Come on now…….
*loggingoff4now*
Adonis,
I hope you aint a CS/IT major. You made our cred go < 500.
< del > what u wanna strikeout < /del >
with no spaces in the brackets.
be back to properly comment in a few.
-Streetz
So I ask the question again – where does the idea come from that in order for us to have happy, fulfilling lives, we must have a romantic partner to accompany us on our journey?
Women. They're all about pairing up. A person who thinks their the ish, will believe that nothing is complete without them. Expand this to some collective heterosexual woman psyche and there you have it. In other words women are saying, "You need us, emotions and all."
Do you believe it’s impossible to be truly happy without a romantic partner?
It's definitely possible to be happy. People are just projecting that they want/think would make them the most happy on others. How can one know what will make someone else "truly happy"?
Are those of us who say eff love just deluding ourselves or trying to avoid being hurt?
Yes I think that's the entire story. People write love off because they don't want to vulnerable in that way. It's not like were talking about breaded verses naked hot wings. It's not about "preference" completely. It's a combination of fear of being hurt, the images of "love" around them projected from their own mind/inner desires.
Check this. Notice that you didn't ask if you could truly love someone but desire to still chex around with other women. That would be the ideal right? You don't sacrifice you chex part BUT you get the love part. Your (Streetz) assumption was clear that you could only have one of the other. That says a lot about how you view love. Therefore, you saying you can't participate in that image (the one you created in your mind). Yep… I though you was neva scared Streetz? lol
Max wrote this post. Not me. Did you not see the guest post blurb at the beginning?
Blacks dont read: New post for tomorrow
*writing now**
My eyes flew right over that italicized part. I react better to bold though… lol The same still applies though.
"Check this. Notice that you didn’t ask if you could truly love someone but desire to still chex around with other women. That would be the ideal right? You don’t sacrifice you chex part BUT you get the love part. Your assumption was clear that you could only have one of the other. That says a lot about how you view love."
Actually I am very much of the opinion that I can love someone and still desire to chex other men. And be okay with him chexing other women. But that's my next guest post…right Streetz??
Great post, Max!
I'm not 100% sure where I stand on this topic though, to be honest. I suppose I'm in the same spot as So Flyy, split 50/50. I'm happy with my life for the most part, and I am in no rush to change my single status (except for that whole regular thronxing thing *sigh*). I firmly believe that I would still be happy if I were to never get married again, or even if I were to never be in a LTR again. I'm not stressing (and damn sure not crying) over it at the moment (who knows how I'll feel in 5 years).
That said, there is a part of me that does crave that connection to a man. I've never had anything closely resembling a strong family and while I have a few really close friends, most are not geographically close to me. This leaves a large gaping hole for me when it comes to having fulfilling relationships (romantically, familial or otherwise). It's partly what drove me to get married so early in life after losing the closest family connection I had. Luckily, I've learned to not let that drive me into any more bad decisions. I think that I would feel the exact same way as you if my life circumstances had been different.
However, they weren't and I just have too much love to give, and not really anyone to give it to. My strongest instinct is to nurture, and aside from my nieces (who I am unable to see nearly as much as I'd like to) I don't really have anyone to nurture. The rest of my life (jobs, hobbies, school, etc.) is all great, but they don't really make for a great long-term reason to wake up in the morning, ya dig?
P.S Quit trying to scare off Adonis, y'all. He's still fairly new and you're working against the welcome committee. Besides, I don't see any strikethrough.
"This leaves a large gaping hole for me when it comes to having fulfilling relationships (romantically, familial or otherwise). "
See this is my thing. I have fulfilling relationships and I think I'll be happy in life as long as I continue to have them…even if they're not romantic in nature.
But I also feel you on this:
"My strongest instinct is to nurture, and aside from my nieces (who I am unable to see nearly as much as I’d like to) I don’t really have anyone to nurture."
That is the one thing I miss about being in a relationship.
Check this. Notice that you didn’t ask if you could truly love someone but desire to still chex around with other women. That would be the ideal right? You don’t sacrifice you chex part BUT you get the love part. Your assumption was clear that you could only have one of the other. That says a lot about how you view love.”
Max: Actually I am very much of the opinion that I can love someone and still desire to chex other men. And be okay with him chexing other women. But that’s my next guest post…right Streetz??
*THIS TOPIC WILL BE FIYAH!!!!* from a woman's standpoint… Oh My Goodness..
#practicingmykeystrokesforspeed#
I've never really been in love until now. I was single & wasn't looking. Never said 'eff luv' but I was genuinely happy without it. Whenever people would ask I'd say, I don't need a mans love…I have my niece & my siblings. Now that I'm in love I feel the exact same way. I have never & will never need a significant other to validate nor complete me. I just think of it as a bonus that I do have someone to possibly share the rest of my life with someday. I'm not desperate for marriage but if it comes I'll welcome it & I applaud those who have the courage to take that step. I think a lot of people hate love, marriage, etc because they haven't experienced them or have had negative experiences involving those things. Everyone has the right to feel the way they do but look deep inside yourself & ask yourself "why do I feel this way?" Be honest with yourself because that's the person that matters most!
hi max. i'm not effing love. 🙂 and i do think that there is a level of delusion/bitterness/jadedness (is that a word?) in that.
while i'm not that girl who dreams about her wedding day or has to be in a relationship, i do not think that i could fully feel content in life, forever and ever, without romantic love. but that's just me.
sure, i have friends and we have a great time. i have a good job that i actually (finally!) enjoy. i have an amazinnnnggggg family, who i'm super close with. and my heart fills up whenever i look at my dog because i love him so much. BUT…i don't think just those things could fulfill me for life. i think that there will always be that part that would be void, even a small one.
there's something desirable about finding someone who you want to spend all your time with and who wants to be with you, just to be with you. having someone to call just to vent or just to say hi or just to hear their voice. having that physical contact (sexual or not), but just having someone there. calling up a friend or my mom or even cuddling my dog isn't the same.
@SaneN85 I'm feeling the love… Although I am not scared off… I really appreciate when women stick up for me… And in turn when someone makes a mistake in my presence… I extend them the same courtesy… I really work hard to be on point at times… I just dropped the ball there (WHO KNEW THAT A MISPLACED FORWARD SLASH CAN CAUSE SO MUCH TROUBLE, THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT)
@PEYSO & @Seven
I like your "back & forth" and want to interject something into that discussion
@PEYSO (who knew that PEYSO & Please Excuse Your Significant Other, was the same person… Talk about slow on the intellectual front Adonis)
You made a great point that I must concede to that goes on in my life… When I am debating with a person (ESP. women) and we don't see eye to eye on things, especially when I bend over backward to understand where that person is coming from… I think LESS of that person… Point Blank… I understand where they are coming from… And why they believe what they believe but they don't be looking to verify if their believe holds any water… Or where it came from…
Like for example, right now I am agnostic (but lean JESUS Christ is LORD), cause I am not sure about the Christian Faith… Alot of my Black Christian brethrens who are more sure in the faith than I am, don't realize that the Christian religion was forced upon our slave ancestors… It was not like we decided to be Christian on our own… So in conclusion, people who tend to be reasonable tend to come to SIMILIAR conclusion that I have… But that superior/inferior I am def. Guilty of…
I didn't know Pls Excuse was PEYSO *embarrassed face*
@Seven you made a point about the who spreading of seed & kitty litter thing (I think)
And there is some truth to that…
In my personal experience, I gave alot of thought to words, slut, whore, hoe, etc… And the women who get those label (fair or not, we do not look well on promiscuous women), and I came to these conclusions
– Sex in itself is a beautiful thing
– Women who have alot of different partner is not a bad thing in itself… Especially if she is using protection, and CHOOSING THE RIGHT MEN to have sex with (Mature men who won't put her business out there)
Here is the problem I have, it is not the fact that she is having alot of sex with alot of different men, IT IS WHAT IS DRIVING HER TO THAT PROMISCUOUS BEHAVIOR… and when you examine her further, more often than not their are LOW SELF-ESTEEM/VALIDATION PROBLEMS, and some other psycho shit that makes her unfit to be with anybody… (Not even my sexual partner/Relationship partner/wife)…
Anecdote – Back when I was desperate for sex, I always heard about the sluts, but by the time I got to them, they would either turn GAY, or "REFORMED"… #ThatIsHowTheCookieCrumbles
So @Seven, knowing that women have these issues going on, IT WOULDN'T BE THAT FAR OF A STRETCH TO SAY THAT men have those issues also… Hence proving your point…
My only rebuttal to that is that… From a biological/evolutionary perspective… Men really have a little to lose in sex (can abandoned th mom with the kid), but everything to gain… (He gets to spread his seed far & wide to an array of women/ lots of sexual pleasure/lots of kids)… And for women because she can have only one egg per month, and she has to raise the kids, SHE NEEDS TO BE MORE CHOOSY…
Your thoughts…?
You Adonis I can talk to…you read what I wrote…and disagreed or not…you questioned me on it rather than ramming something down my throat (that sounds awkward). That's how people learn and grow…giving and taking.
Anyway…when i said fundamentally wrong/missing. That's what I meant…something is missing or wrong in their lives that is driving them to leap into bed/car/etc with multiple people in a short amount of time. I didn't mean that they were condemned to hell…I didn't mean that I was superior to them…I was saying it from an analytical point view. That's the thing about "reading" someone's thoughts…unless you "hear" their inflections or watch their body language…the words can easily be misinterpreted. And the train jumps off the tracks…
This is why I can agree with you "- Sex in itself is a beautiful thing
– Women who have alot of different partner is not a bad thing in itself… Especially if she is using protection, and CHOOSING THE RIGHT MEN to have sex with (Mature men who won’t put her business out there)
Here is the problem I have, it is not the fact that she is having alot of sex with alot of different men, IT IS WHAT IS DRIVING HER TO THAT PROMISCUOUS BEHAVIOR… and when you examine her further, more often than not their are LOW SELF-ESTEEM/VALIDATION PROBLEMS, and some other psycho shit that makes her unfit to be with anybody… (Not even my sexual partner/Relationship partner/wife)… "
Your comment leaves room for people's experiences and their particular reasoning for whatever their actions are. It doesnt lump everyone into one category and addresses specifically the people you really have a problem with,
Eff Love? Interesting Thought? 🙂
I say interesting because "love" is a word, the symbolism of which, literally "traps" MEN in the "FEMALE MATRIX"!!
Women don't care about love at all…. but they've learned if they use the word…stupid men will do all the work, let women define the pay scale for such work, take the ultimate credit when it works (see what we did) and disavow all knowledge when something fails (…If he had done this, we'd be better off/ I told him…. but girl) 🙂
Gravity is Gravity…Period!
Here is the rule:
There are only two classes of women:
1. Those who are child bearing age ..and want them!!
2.Those who either don't want them or can't have them!!
1's play the Love Card (and some can generally be trusted…we marry these:-) )… as it's the only way to get impregnated AND get that MAN to pay all the freight PLUS take that Woman Matrix Shi*!!
The man who goes along is not stupid nor a punk….He's making a choice based on HIS wanting children!!!…The Woman Matrix is just part of the package!!!
2's say eff love all the time…but it's not by choice..they can't have a kid, don't want anymore, or are out of the age range of bearing children!!!
Again, we men are not fools!!!
Take this Eff Love Thang and shred it!!
99% of Men don't buy "Romantic Novels", "Look At Oprah" or feel incomplete unless we watch "Daytime Soaps"!!!
We are too busy trying to find a trustworthy "woman" to raise our "SEED"!!!
This is all game!!
Women are fooling you… Love leaves when your money leaves!!!
The average man makes more money than the average woman over their working lives…even counting for the disparity in college graduation rates!!
If you want the real…take money out of the equation!!…She a quality person if she's around with no strings attached…. NONE!!
Men should say Eff Love!!…
We can have babies till them little fishes stop swimming!!!…Heck for some men this is in their 80's!!! :-)..
Women?…At forty…Where's the fork?… It's over!!… Done Son!!!
Which is why women always hatin' on the young ones (who have the tight bodies AND want kids)!!!
Eff Love is right!!!… When men say it, it's straight up truth!!!…When women say it, WATCH OUT AND GRAB YO WALLET….IT'S TIME TO PAY FOR THAT STEAK AND LOBSTER THE WOMAN WHO LOVES YOU JUST ATE!!!! 🙂
nick@nite…. Welcome To The Game!!! 🙂
She did you a huge favor!!! :-).. That's all code for.. "I WANT KIDS ARE YOU READY?"
The fact that she didn't tell you straight up means she wasn't long range relationship material…… Don't sweat the small stuff….. You got plenty time…… 🙂 🙂
@Jay… Money As usual… I wasn't feeling how you put it together…
Put there is an UNDENIABLE TRUTH that you alluded to…
That there is a swindle with women & monogamy
Back in the day King's introduced monogamy to keep men & women in check, while he spreaded his seed among thousands of women…
Religion promote monogamy & marriage, so men & women could stay in control…
But now, it is more or less women
and weak ass menwho promote it now, because they can't separate the difference between love & sex the way men do… And they think we fall in love the same way they do when THEY HAVE SEX… They think that men who cheat on them, love them less… Which is false more than it is true…Give a woman one man, who can fulfill all her needs and wants & she is set for life… But men will still cheat even if a woman his giving everything he needs & wants
Women wouldn't promote a doctrine (DIVORCE, feminism, monogamy), if it didn't benefit them in some way…
Good post Jay
@PEYSO We are definitely on the page on that one…
People wonder why I am very technical & precise with it… BECAUSE PEOPLE FORCE ME TOO… (esp. women) because if you generalize too much, you will be seen as "lumping people all in one category…"
Now if @Seven did that, well, she made a mistake, it happens… I just felt like her comment held some water… And I had to concede that point and give her my position
and challenge her abit, so she can further clarify what she was trying to say…And chauvinistic or not… I UNDERSTAND that women have some limitations when it comes to logical expression… As a man, who is still mesmerized by
A Big Butt & A Smile, and get pissed off when women choose STYLE over SUBSTANCE in men, you can see the hypocrisy in me… And I am a 22 NYC, Black Male… So, I will definitely cut a woman some slack if she can compete logically & rationally withjust a little slack…The women/people that piss me off that say
fuck it, I am not going to use my brain at allYou can get anything meaningful done with that person unless you are using masterful amounts of persuasion/psychological tactics
@PEYSO We are definitely on the page on that one…
People wonder why I am very technical & precise with it… BECAUSE PEOPLE FORCE ME TOO… (esp. women) because if you generalize too much, you will be seen as "lumping people all in one category…"
Now if @Seven did that, well, she made a mistake, it happens… I just felt like her comment held some water… And I had to concede that point and give her my position
and challenge her abit, so she can further clarify what she was trying to say…And chauvinistic or not… I UNDERSTAND that women have some limitations when it comes to logical expression… As a man, who is still mesmerized by
A Big Butt & A Smile, and get pissed off when women choose STYLE over SUBSTANCE in men, you can see the hypocrisy in me… And I am a 22 NYC, Black Male… So, I will definitely cut a woman some slack if she can't compete logically & rationally with mewell, just a little slack…The women/people that piss me off that say
fuck it, I am not going to use my brain at allYou can get anything meaningful done with that person unless you are using masterful amounts of persuasion/psychological tactics
Moderator, I need another deletion of my comment that was posted on 4:45PM… (How come I cannot delete my own comments…?)
@Adonis,
Obviously you ARE NOT in the Matrix!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂
Those who don't study history are most definitely DOOMED TO REPEAT IT!!! 🙂
Soloman had 300 Wives & 900 Concubines…. And The Queen of Sheba STILL wanted to be with him!!!
You are right; In the history of mankind monogamy is for suckers…. That's not to say I'm not in favor of serious, committed, one woman/one man relationships/marriages etc (when one can find a truly honest woman… lol 🙂 …..but…the sooner MEN wake up to the game, the sooner we'll get over putting women on such a pedestal where we "MEN" feel the obligation, take the legal and financial risk, die early, leave everything to them….and put up with getting played the whole way!!!…
…Deep Shiz Nit My Brotha!!!
… You Doin Sumthin Lots A Brutha's Don't Do….READ & STUDY!!!
🙂
…& GOOD POST BACK AT CHA!!!!!!
🙂
**peaks head in** is it safe to comment?
Good blog Max (per usual)!
I wrote a blog a few months back about my ambivalence on love for myself. Would I be happy if I never found a steady SO to marry me and share my ups and downs with? I don't know. I do know right now that I love where my life is. I'm back in school, my friends are amazing and supportive, my family is wonderful, and I do have a boyfriend who I enjoy. If we don't work I won't feel like I'm missing something because I was just as happy before.
But like everything- I'm human and space to change is always there.
@ little miss sunshine…
..If this is truly your attitude, your boyfriend ain't lettin' you go without a serious fight!!!
Your statement is both insightful and introspective!!
Why do I say this?
You are taking responsibility for where you've been, where you're at and leaving room for where you could end up!!
For me (personally) it's refreshing to read a sister can state a position "without" blaming men for where she is mentally and emotionally!!
You go gyrl!!!!….
…And of course it's safe to comment 🙂 🙂 🙂
Um Jay – I didn't blame men for where I am mentally and emotionally…can I get some love too?
😛
@ max :-)…
….. Here's dat love u wuz askin' fer… Ready?…MUCH LOVE MAX!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂
I ain't got nooooo prob givn' props where props iz due!!!!
@Jay… You know, I know what time it is
@Max I love women who are honest and who will take responsibility… (Now teach that to the younger black women, so we can SEVERELY CURB this Single black Mother epidemic)
@Jay See, Jay, I love having sex with one woman only for the rest of my life… But I said it to women before
If you want to be my #1, you better be #1
But speaking of financial risks… I love marriage too, I just don't like the divorce laws in Western Society… Until they change the laws… I will not sign any marriage licenses in any jurisdiction in the states… Because I think it is egregious that if a marriage goes south, that the woman & the government thinks it is okay to tell you how you should break up with your woman, it usually leaves the man without the kids, and having to financially start over… BTW, if a woman cheats on you while you two are married and has the infidels child, YOU have to pay child support on the child in divorce regardless whether or not you are the father of that child…
And if women truly were morally sound & virtuous as they like to claim from time to time
which is a myth, they would just walk from the marriage with the kids, and would not want ANY of your assets…All in all, I never hear women address how much they take men to the cleaners most of the time when they take him to divorce… (oops that would blow the lid of the moneygrab…)
Anywho, I digress
@Little Miss Sunshine love your post
Adonis
@Adonis
… MONEYGRAB?? 🙂
… Did you say MONEYGRAB?? 🙂
LMAO!!! 🙂
Of course it's a moneygrab!!! BUT…. N**gas (& Ni*gettes) have no interest in readin' THE LAW when they full a dat Hennessey or Ciroc at that club 🙂
I tell any woman… 9 months does not equate to me taking care of the child AND YOU "FOR 18+ YEARS to LIFE" 🙂
If this is the deal, I'll be a sperm donor/ find surrogates to carry my "seeds" to term/ Pocket my kids….and go on about my f'in business…
…What I need with demanding, complainin', shopaholicin, once a month up in bed for 5+ days layin', negativity creatin', gossipin', momma/friends er thang tellin', da business in the street puttin' "FEMALES" for?
(Notice I did not say "WOMEN"!!!…cause real women know what time it is!!! :-)….and REAL MEN watch they "ASS"-ETS…Money, Dinero, Shekels, Euro's, etc.
Half?… Female did you do half the work? :-)…Half the jokes?…Play half of my pro basketball games?…
….Here's the deal; Don't offer me nothin I can buy elswhere.. (Like Poo..Nah..Nay../Your Company/ Your Time…etc.)
Everything about you that's important a real man can see in a totally dark room!!!…Try it!!! Intellect (or lack thereof)… Honesty (hard to find)… etc… Loud Mouth!!.. Lack Of SavWaFare!! :-)…Yea females, we got all that peeped!!! 🙂
Disclaimer: This goes out to all the female bustas..How can you know if you a female busta?… CAUSE RIGHT NOW YOU IZZZZ ANGRY AZ HALE at me for writtin this!!! 🙂 🙂
Adonis… you gonna be rich cause you ain't gonna pay no _____ (oops can't say that!!!)
@Jay iight… I think they get it… Otherwise We would be getting crazy rebuttals…
In closing… I wanna make sure that I choose my women well… You can mess up your life picking the wrong partner to share your sheets with…
I want to be monogamous because I WANT TO… not all of some
bullshitsense of moral duty… I want a woman to inspire fedelity in me, if that is what she wants in our relationship…And Of course, I want to make sure my issues are handled so I can properly lead through a wonderful relationship…
I think I don't ask for much
cough*pokes head in* [pause] It's never safe to come in here when these two are here. [extra pause & twss]
Max, I said great post right? Okay. Bye.
New here. Nice post. Nice blog.
@Sue Love you Sue… I admit, I am little slow to start… I swore PEYSO was Mexican (You can't make this stuff up…)
@Sue As long as people come here, and make sense… I will acknowledge and concede or semi-concede anyone's point…
I believe a woman's relationship is the highest priority in a woman's existence… (and raising children)… All that other window dressing (career, family, & friends, material things), doesn't really do it for most women…
BTW, someone mentioned how women like to talk about their day, esp. To their S/O, point blank, men need to be more attentive and listen to his woman
otherwise she will be sharing sheets with meAt the end of the day, I live for the orgasm (and raising children)… And I don't see anything more important than that…
#I'm Done
@Adonis…. I never care about "Re-Butt-Als"!!!!!
Why?
Truth can not be rebutted!!!
… Ever!!! 🙂
It may not be comfortable!!! It may not always be welcomed!!!… But it's STILL ..THE TRUTH!!!
Your aiight statement was not "my truth"…It was "your opinion!!"..
.. I'm extremely happy with "my" statements i.e. "MY" Freedom of Speech; So fortunately, and as protected by The U.S. Constitution, you'll have to just live with it my brutha!!!… TRUTH!!! 🙂
Say what you think…You have right to say it!! You even have the right "to think" you can judge the PC of my posts (like your aiight statement)…. I'm down with your right to do the aforementioned…. but your statements break down at the very point where they veer from truth & I choose not to accept them
🙂 🙂 :-)… Socrates said "If you want to have a discussion with me, first define your terms!!!"
I do not accept that the terms of my postings are set by third parties 🙂
Re-Boot!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂
Much Respect
@Jay no disagreements there
Silence to me, though, is a concession in itself… And at point… I let it go
And silence, if coming from me, means I've concluded that I invested too much time in a waste of time.
Good morning