Sheronishaquan Jenkins: Um, what are you wearing?
Jamal Jenkins: Excuse me?
SJ: What is it that you think you are wearing to bed?
JJ: The same thing I wear to bed every night. What are you talking about?
SJ: Please say out loud what you have on.
JJ: Uhhhh … boxers
SJ: And what color are they?
JJ: *looking dumbfounded* They’re blue.
SJ: And do you really think you are going to wear blue boxers to bed when you see me in a red nightgown?
JJ: *in the midst of the meanest side eye ever seen* Excuse me?
SJ: You heard me N****A! If I am wearing red to bed, you know that you need to match with your wife and get some red on right now!
JJ: *passes out as he forgets to breathe in response to the shock of what has happened*
For those of you that follow the saga that is my personal life, I am without a job as I wait for school to start. As a result, I get to indulge in one of my favorite pastimes … watching daytime judge shows.
On one particular entertaining episode of Divorce Court, a husband seeking divorce from his controlling wife mentioned the above scene. Oh yes … I did not make this sh*t up. There is really a woman out there that demanded her husband come to bed in matching underwear. Of course this was one of many.
So as another service to the public, I, SBM, will share 9 surefire ways to spot a controlling woman.
She eats the big piece of chicken
I’m not sure there is any quicker and surefire way to let a man know he isn’t running a gotdamn thing than to take his big piece of chicken. Double points if she eats it right in front of him and asks “Did you get enough to eat?”
She gives you an allowance
To be honest, I don’t care if she is the only breadwinner and you’re between jobs … if you come at her every weekend looking like Oliver Twist as you recieve your pittance … run.
She slaps you
And after she does it she just looks at you sternly and says “I told you I wanted 7up … not Sprite!”
She has a powder room, office, and studio … and you get living room privileges
If you don’t have you’re own private place where you are living, you’re getting controlled. Every man needs his bat cave.
You’re allowed to see your friend one weekend a month
When you have a strict visitation schedule with the friends that you have had all your life, it’s time to get some help.
You’re not allowed to go to the strip club
You might disagree … but that would make you wrong. That is all.
She comes in the room and changes the game to Friends reruns
Just typing that one upset me.
She allows you to masturbate
Straight outta “Saving Silverman”. She’s tired, so she hands you a bottle of lotion and grants you permission to kill some kittens. GTFOH!
She takes your sh*t
“What do you mean your Xbox? I think you mean my Xbox … nukka! And get me my big piece of chicken while I play madden.”
Now, I know some men like controlling women. There are some men out there, we call them simps, that like a woman to be in charge and make their life easier. They don’t want to run the house, don’t need to be the breadwinner, and are fine with not wearing the pants around the house. This website post is not for them.
Men … be weary of this chic making you change your boxers before bed. Women … stop it!
What defines a controlling women to you? Are there some cases when a woman should be controlling? Are controlling women not really that bad? SBM Fam … speak.
SBM aka The Man aka Running sh*t