When to Call It Quits


Is the dummy the relationship or the person that's still in it?

The following chat was re-created with the assistance of one of my boys and is between him and one of his lady friends that hopefully doesn’t read this blog. Real names have been removed to protect the innocent and shady.

Kat: Sooo, I may have ODed last weekend…
Rich: Did you cheat on Leon?
Kat: No. Not at all. Well, not physically at least.
Rich: WTF?
Kat: Well, I was out drinkin’ with the girls and ended up sending some “intense” messages to Booty Bobby.
Rich: Do you mean Booty Bobby who used to explore your nether-regions for buried treasure?
Kat: **coughs**
Rich: Do you mean Booty Bobby who you once called King of the Back Sheezies?
Kat: Yes…
Rich: o_O What did Booty Bobby say?
Kat: He said he would shiver me loins next time we’re in the same town.
Rich: Yeah. You are an idiot and Leon are done.
Kat: But I was drunk and I told Booty the next day that I was drunk when I sent that stuff.
Rich: It’s too late, you done put the bug in his ear and he’s ready to put his ship in your dock next time he’s in town. Don’t let Leon be a sucka. Please.
Kat: Sigh…but Leon is such a nice…
Rich: Call it quits amiga.lol. You been dodging him more than an escaped con dodges helicopters and hound dogs. All your other girls are single and sleeping their way through the summer and you wanna join in the Sex in the City festivities. I get it. Besides that, you already slept with me…but that didn’t count since it’s Sunday morning and we been friends for a while. Wait, don’t you have somewhere to be right now?
Kat: **Nods and clenches thighs then gets up and puts on church clothes**

See Also:  The Club Mentality: Wife ... from the club ... NOT HAPPENING

I been pretty much gone from blogging for 3 weeks. Did you expect anything less from me?

Anyways, there’s a lot going on in this scenario and unfortunately most of it is based in truth. The shorter and less entertaining version of the scenario is that Kat was keeping Leon in the dark but not in the way he’d like. Her mind had been wandering elsewhere and she had already committed shady acts. Over the past few months, Kat had been complaining more and more about her dynamics with Leon until it reached the climax culmination point in the conversation above. And now thanks to her selfishness, Leon is officially a sucka. Poor Leon. Bless his heart.

So in an effort to preserve the respectability of both parties, I’ve put together a brief list of signs you need to call it quits or try to fix before someone becomes a sucker…or really gets their feelings hurt. I tell ya. That guy Leon.

You just stop answering the phone when she/he calls.

When it gets to a point you just ignore the SO’s calls for no better reason than “I can’t stand this dude/chick,” it’s time to make a crucial decision. It’s even more crucial if you don’t answer because you’re talking to an interest that’s trying to pledge your pants down.  It’s extremely critically crucial if they’re laying there nude next to you. If I told you that a girl once drove 3-4 hours to see me while she had a man and phoned him from my bed, would you believe me?

When you bout to go out with the SO and someone tells you to have fun and you say “small chance” or some variation thereof.

See Also:  If at First You Don't Succeed...

Yeah. When you start dreading hanging out with the boo, it’s time to pull the butt plug.

When getting wet/rising to the occasion becomes a chore.

This may not apply to folks that been together for years in marriage and ish. However, if you’re my age and you have to find the energy to engage in coitus at least once a month, it’s bout to be a wrap unless you got a real chemical imbalance or you just been through a traumatic experience. For those not playing naked locksmith, substitute f*ckin’ with something else that leads to a release.

Per the scenario above, when you start crossing the line while drunk.

Alcohol warms the loins. When you start drunk texting old flames and people other than your boo about rolling around in the nude together, your mind is already gone. When you sober up, you got some real decisions to make. If you do meet up with that flame, don’t confess to your SO by doing an Emilio (Jersey Shore fans will understand.lol.)

When you’re cool not seeing your boo for a month or longer even though it aint really long distance.

Somebody’s probably creeping at this point.

So yeah, that’s my list. What do you think of the points I noted? Do you have any additions or subtractions? Do you really think I slept with that girl who came to visit? You don’t really have to answer that last one.

See Also:  Lessons Learned on Love and Friendship from 'The Best Man Holiday'

iQuit for the Win Sometimes,

Twitter: @slimjackson Website: www.threewaystotakeit.com


    1. That's when the narcotic is so good, you're not in the right frame of mind.

      That's when one must quit cold turkey and just suffer from withdrawal…lol

  1. Lol @ Lola and like she said, it can be hard to quit [sometimes]. Sometimes, there are attachments that take sometime to sever…that's if you are the emotional type.

    The beginning scene was a bit much! Welcome back Slim, miss your posts dude!

  2. I've been here..

    my personal favorite..

    – I started picking fights just so he'd leave me alone..

    (This was back in the day when my communication wasn't on point..)

    but i remember picking a fight with my ex when Hurricane Wilma was just outside so he would go home.. I knew the roads would be blocked afterwards and that he wouldn't be able to come see me.. and that would guarantee some peace..

    -When the little things start to make you upset..

    "WTF you MEAN wear the black shoes.. Don't tell me what to wear! Don't you START with me!!"

    simple sh*t like that…

    yeah.. stick a fork in it.. cuz it's done..

    1. "my personal favorite..

      – I started picking fights just so he’d leave me alone.. (This was back in the day when my communication wasn’t on point..)"

      Guilty as charged.

  3. Just had a conversation w/ the girlfriends like this yesterday… what makes it a little more complicated is that he is technically not the SO. How do you break off something w/ someone that you don't have something officially w/ anyways? o_O Besides, he doesn't really make me 'sick' so to speak, I'm just tired of the shenanigans.

    Good post Slimmie. 🙂

    1. I tend to do the "drop off of the face of the earth" until someone gets the hint. No, I'm kidding. But if you don't want to just say "let's be friends" use body language, verbal expressions, smoke signals, something!

      1. I gotta ask. So what happens when the person asks what's going on with you after noticing the indirect signs. Do you say youza finished or do you keep on with the signs and try to force them to drop the hammer.

        1. Thats how the ex boy toy was giving me hints that he wanted to take a step back and I called him out on it. How you gonna want all the perks of it but not be commited? Ish… the insecurities or issues people have. Or whatever lol…

      2. You may be kidding, but I'm in a similar situation and these other things do not work. Even telling him I just want to be friends isn't working out well. I'm dropping off the face of the earth. *shrugs*

        1. I tried that dropping off the face of the Earth thing. Works for some… not for others. Some refuse to get the hint. This one man would post statuses on FB (see Queen T's comment below) about bad I was treating him, etc. He'd call to start an arguement… which is hard w/ me b/c I refuse to argue but anything to draw me back in. I give it to him, he was persistent.

          This time around dude is in another state so it shouldn't be that hard but when he comes home I'm always the 1st person he calls. & we have lots of mutual friends… *insert sarcasm* yay!

  4. This post is SSOOOOOO on time!! I have two male friends who need to call it quits w/ their SO, but refuse to for some reason. Lonliness? Possibly. Because they've been in their respective relationships for years. Most likely.

    You also forgot to add "When you start crossing the line while sober" because both have done that too!

    Glad you're back!

    1. I suffered through this after being in a long term relationship with my HS sweetheart for 6 years. In my case, she was all I ever known and deciding to end it after many years was probably the most difficult thing I had ever done in life up to that point. So many conflicting emotions was just overwhelming.

      I'm glad I did it and we (me) are both better for it. Still good friends to this day a few years after.

  5. Let the church say AMEN!

    I have the hardest time breaking up with people I truly love….but, sometimes you gotta do what ya gotta do. That list is on point. When you start doing these things consider your relationship a wrap.

    When you are changing your FB status every other week..its time to roll out. I don't know why people feel the need to do that though….but they do it. lol.

    1. Sh*t, the FB status is a big indicator. I don't even mean toggling between single and being in a relationship. I can tell when someone is done by the tone of their status updates and if suddenly they start putting up new hot pics every week after they had the same one up for a while. Little simple ish. Good addition.

    2. QueenT: "I have the hardest time breaking up with people I truly love"

      QFT. I learned that no matter how much you love someone, no matter how perfect they may be for you, some things just aren't meant to be.

  6. I just had to delurk to say, I felt like this post was directed at me! For real. I'm in a situation right now where I can barely stand the guy (the littlest things about him just bug me and yup, definitely been avoiding talking to him on the phone) and I'm definitely not attracted to him anymore, but he just treats me soooo well! Like, even when I do ish that annoys the ish out of him, he doesn't care. He's still trying to make it work, but man, I'm so not feeling him at all. But, he treats me so well. I have a really hard time breaking up with people, too. *sigh* Advice? I don't know how to tell him to move on without hurting his feelings.

      1. Broke up months after we initially started dating. I started seeing someone else, so did he. Both our relationships didn't work out. Then, we started talking again and trying to make it work… and it was then I realized, yeah, I'm not attracted to him anymore… I would love to make it work, but man, there is 0 attraction.

        1. I have been there WaChick. Cut him off before he drops to his knee like my dude did…before it REALLY gets complicated.

    1. You are the type of woman I love. I can infiltrate, extrapolate and evaporate wihtout ever leaving a trace I was there. You will regret that you did wrong and then will want to do right by Mr. Sir. Afterwards you will live happily ever after with being Mrs. Sir and I will snicker when I see the wedding pictures on FB.

      Someone tell me they haven't heard/done/experienced what I wrote… #fknliars

      1. Yeah, that was actually my first thought fam. This goes back to the whole scenario at the top of the post. A lot of us smell trouble and will capitalize and be gone with the wind shortly thereafter. The wedding pics on FB tho…LMAO.

      2. nah…you right. Its almost like being a hawk…swoop in on the kill, and be OUT. I feel you, I feel you, I feel you…

        but…I recognize both sides of the coin. what we/you/I put into the universe…usually comes back on us.

        I owe the game some kharma…but you know…you take it like a man.

        1. That's my guess, but I wanted to get a confirmation. I love finding other folks from Washington on here.

      1. #Co-Mutha-luvinSign…. THIS

        A break is an get out of jail free card to go try some new Kat/Pole and be absolved of all sins.

        Some ol' Pontius Pilate type of swindlle…

    1. Everybody is up on what "needing time apart" or "I Just Need Some Time" translates to so I don't think those two sentences work anymore..

  7. sometimes love clouds your better judgement and you need a moment of clarity or a wake-up call. No matter what form it comes in, you need it to see how much of an ass you're being and when to abort the mission.

  8. good post. list is on point too. i think it's hard sometimes to call it quits because of familiarity. also sometimes have a tendency to try to focus on the good even when the bad far outweighs the good.

    i've been in a couple of these situations before. which ones i won't divulge.

  9. Good day all. I have been checking out the blog for a while now and this is my first post.

    This post hits home for me. I just broke up with my SO of two years after (finally) coming to the realization (and admitting) that I was no longer happy in our relationship. I admit I have done every single one of these things that Slim listed. I was in the same situation as WAChick and I just didn’t want to hurt feelings. In the end, my feelings were the ones being hurt and I was the one truly unhappy, therefore it was time to move on. Calling it quits is hard, but if you’ve resorted to things on this list or other things for that matter, it’s time to let go. Good post Slim.

  10. I knew my relationship was over when I lost all interest in sleeping with her. Like we would get in the bed and I would roll over and be snoring in two minutes. Not even thinkin about touching her.

  11. I can relate to so many on the list. I would like to add "Do you want to see other people?"…I have asked this before hoping my S/O at the time would say yes. It is a mimicry of the "time apart" swindle but a little more direct.

  12. Damn…..I usually just read these posts for the fact that they put me on much needed game but I had to say somethin this time. This feels like it was directed at me cuz I just got done dealing with this chick who was acting "funny". Now we were supposedly "good friends" (whatever that means anymore) but she started avoiding my calls. Of course I had a good idea what that meant even before seeing this, but I was having denial about how she decided to do it dirty like that. I finally decided to just play dumb and break it off myself, but she acted sooooooo hurt when I basically said I don't wanna be in contact with you at all. It really hurt to have to do it like that, but I can't help but wonder why she acted like that when she is the cause of it.I'm what you call a "good guy", like the guy some of you females describe on here (with a sense of disdain lolol). I want to get mad at my mother a lot of times because she raised me to care about peoples feelings/emotions, especially a females but i get shitted on every time because of it (didn't have anyone to show me different coming up). Fast forward 22 yrs to now and I just don't have that "killer instinct" that my homeboys do with the females cuz I get caught in feelings lmao


Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get SBM Delivered

Get SBM Delivered

Single Black Male provides dating and relationship
advice for today's single looking for love

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This