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Baby…You Suck.

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There’s never an easy way to let someone down, which is why people classically tip toe around the truth to “let them down easy”.  In the workplace, it’s never easy to criticize a co-worker/superior/employee, but in the interest of running a lucrative operation, you have to deliver the news. In between the sheets however, it’s that much harder to deliver mind blowing orgasms constructive criticisms to someone who has shed all their inhibitions and shared themselves with you.  But at what point do their feelings outweigh your desire to have your “daddy” smack your ass and pull your hair be satisfied sexually?  Can you really just tell someone they suck in bed?

Honesty is the best policy

This phrase gets tossed around often and sounds like an urban legend rather than anything based in reality.  People usually don’t enjoy hearing uncomfortable truths, especially when that truth might be that your self proclaimed “bomb ass head” is more like firecracker fellatio.  Not fireworks, just firecracker.  You can always elect to tell this person the truth, but at some point there has to be a cost analysis that occurs in your brain.  What value is there in telling this person their efforts are futile?  Maybe you have just been spoiled in the past and there is no need to shatter this person’s ego. It’s quite possible that either they aren’t that experienced, or they’ve actually practiced alot, and this is ’bout good as it’s gonna get.   You can cut them loose and move on because after all, they’re not your problem anymore, right?

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In casual sexual relationships, you can usually bypass this conversation by avoiding the person completely and start giving those little hints.  No matter how much you like a person, it’s only so long you can fake it or pant “right there, right there” in vain.   It becomes almost second nature to part ways with someone after one or two bad sexual experiences.   No matter how many times you try to zone out and pretend he was someone else or think about sports, when you open your eyes you’ll be still be getting lame lip service.  “Quality” sex is usually a deal breaker, but in trying times and special circumstances, mediocre sex is tolerated.

Special circumstances can range anywhere from “she’s stable” to something like “his daddy is filthy stinkin’ rich”.  It becomes one of the things people usually “settle for”.   Droughts usually persuade people to put up with lackluster performances until something better magically appears, or reappears.   If you’re a good sport, you can try to teach them the arts, but there’s no guarantee that they’ll actually learn anything.   People  have a hard enough time discussing their feeling with one another because they think they might hurt the person, so the thought of slightly damaging their confidence and hurting their feelings.  Some people just want the situation to become awkward when the person responds to your request with a polite “I don’t do that”, or the even more awkward revelation that you might actually be the problem.  Ouch.

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If you read my posts often, you’ll know that I usually just make observations as opposed to offer advice.  I’ve personally used the avoidance technique in the past, knowing that I do not have the patience to coach anyone nor the tact to express myself and spare this person’s feelings simultaneously.    I can’t supply you with the words to let someone down easy, but I can tell you that if you express yourself maliciously or with no real intention of helping this poor sap person improve their performance, it’s  a complete waste of time.    On the other hand, if you have a “Liar Liar” moment and impulsively tell your lover “No” when they say “Does that feel good?”, that might actually be kind of funny.  Do you really need to have this conversation with this person?  Should you just keep your opinion to yourself, or should you impart you knowledge?  Are there different circumstances where the truth about their performances be told or with held?  Have you ever had to break the news to someone? Is there an easy way to tell an emo-cat that he just wasted 2 minutes of your life?  Can you possibly tell this crazy chick that her head game need practice?  Is that 21 questions yet?

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I can handle the truth,

Comment(50)

  1. Droughts usually persuade people to put up with lackluster performances until something better magically appears, or reappears.

    ^^^#false or in my case it is…i'm going into month 9 of a drought and i had been propositioned by someone who was a bad experience & i absolutely turned it down…bad sex would make the drought seem like its still on so why bother, right?

    On the other hand, if you have a “Liar Liar” moment and impulsively tell your lover “No” when they say “Does that feel good?”, that might actually be kind of funny.

    ^^^I don't answer…i don't even like talking while getting busy…if they insist on an answer (which the guy that used to talk did), i just say yea to get them to shut the eff up (it wasn't good but it wasn't bad either).

    I tend to be very passive aggressive on this one…the two that were not the greatest were also not the most open minded so if i even suggested anything or tried to say anything, it would've been shrugged off…glad i don't deal with them anymore! lol

    Good post!

  2. This post made me chuckle and it reminded of a moment a few months ago. I was sitting in a restaurant with two of my closest girlfriends and one was going on and on about how wack the sex was with her "friend". She said, "He really thinks he's doing something and it's horrible! He actually says things like "You know I just put it on you! And I'm like uh – really…no you didn't! I try to avoid sex with him as much as possible because I really like him as a person."

    We then all sat there quietly for the next solid minute.

    She said, "Why is everyone so quiet?" I said "Because we're all thinking about wack sex!"

  3. Wack sex makes you feel dirty afterwards….

    My advice, before you do the do with a wack person.. go rub one out yourself and see if you still want to deal with that person.

    10 out of 9 times the answer is going to be no.

    1. You just gave me my life story!!! lol I have definitely felt a bit dirty after lame sex…cant describe the feeling any other way.

      Rubbing one out before leaving the house has save my time and patience more than a few times! I think i want get some, i debate whether or not i wanna deal with the headache, rub one out, and im cool. lol

      1. F*&/% true !!! I wonder when my memory will forget that experience (s…I kept hoping that it would be better the second time)

  4. (Been reading for a couple of months now, but decided to finally post on the site).

    My Senior year in high school, I talked to this one guy and I was tolerating him and deciding whether or not I wanted to cut him loose. So I figured if the sex was good I would keep him around for a bit. At this point, I had only had 1 partner before him which was my HS sweetheart, He pulled out his magically disadvanted stick and I almost laughed. Out of pity I went along with it. I have never made that mistake again, but when he got home I simply told him it was over. I didn't feel it! Didn't feel not one bit of it.

    I felt bad, but at the time I was pissed that I wasted all but 5 minutes of my life. Worse part is we worked together amd then he started harrassing me. Saying nasty hateful things. I quit. Wasn't worth it.

    Saw him at a club in DC 2 years ago, hope he didn't notice me but he did and he apologized profusely, asking for another chance & a dance. I just grabbed my male friend & held on like that was my boo. I just couldn't.

    1. Welcome and thanks for de-lurking! *pops e-champagne*

      Also, thanks for clarifying that this is your first comment. Oddly enough, I actually could tell that with just the name this time. 🙂

  5. Expressing my frustratons of a lackluster performance is easy as 123. Mainly because the guys I deal with are always cocky bastards in some aspect of their life. It feels good to chop them down to size sometimes.

    -Insert evil laughter here-

  6. "My advice, before you do the do with a wack person.. go rub one out yourself and see if you still want to deal with that person.

    10 out of 9 times the answer is going to be no."

    This only works for the men folk. What about the females we can't just RUB one out. *sigh*

    1. "This only works for the men folk. What about the females we can’t just RUB one out. *sigh*"

      Um I'm gonna have to disagree on this one…I am good to me! I know right were my spots are and I snuggle afterwards! Lol

      1. Okay I feel you on knowing where your hotspots are but dammit when you wanna feel a warm body, weight of a man on you plus lips and hands…. then what????

        #ican't

        1. Its not the end all be all but trust if I need to get one off not having a man around isn't gonna stop me.

          Regarding the wackness, if 10 strokes in I realize I'm solving world hunger or making my grocery list in my head then its time to whisper, "Baby, let me on top" Off to the races and a few min later, bada bing bada cot damn! Exit stage left.

          I guess I'm just at the point were Im in control of my satisfaction so if his strokes are wack – mine aren't. So far this has works out just swell for me, but to each his/her own.

    2. I'm with Girl Sixx…I paint my nails #maxfab like it's MY JOB, but as a deterrent to sex? No, not at all…getting a nut only makes me want MORE nuts, yeah, I'm greedy like that…rubbin one out is just a tease, got that first one in so I'm even more sensitive, now the seam of my jeans is working on number two, the click of my heels and ripple of my thigh muscle is making ME crazy and am just beggin him to touch me and finish what I got started *wipes drool* My bad, it's been a looooong time. But yeah, rubbin one out, doesn't work for me…

  7. LMAO…hilarious post.

    And YES YES and YES…tell them! I had to tell my SO…and I don't think I was kind and gentle…I don't mince my words and honestly I probably never would've spoken to me again. Nonetheless…he loves me…so he took heed to my suggestions and well…smh…wouldn't trade him for nuthin'. Love me some him.

    On the other hand…perhaps if you weren't in a relationship and didn't have any desire to be with the person long term…maybe you wouldn't say anything because what is the point? I don't know…hmmmm

    Happy Friday! 😉

  8. I have more of a "sex is like pizza" mentality so I never say anything when a dude drops something stalefood on me.

    But since Fridays are for over-sharing, I will tell you guys the two weirdest pieces of post-sex feedback I've ever received:

    1. "Were you spoiled as a child?" (asked immediately after first-time sex)

    2. "That was very um, inaugural".

  9. Not fireworks, just firecracker.

    This. Lmao.

    I don't think I've ever had the courage to tell someone how whack they are, and trust me there have been a few. I think that's b/c I'm not sure if they are whack or my body is broken. *le sigh* Anywho… I think it would be easier to tell an emo dude about the lacklusterness of his performance just b/c he seems like the type to wanna make it all better. While I'm thinking about it if I were ever the 'lackluster performer' I'd hope that dude would tell me. Suggestions for a better performance really sums up what he was tryin to say plus provides a solution to the problem. I know that's kinda hypocritical of me to not tell others but wishing they'd tell me if need be. Ah well. *Yeezy shrug*

  10. This has made my morning!! Personally I have no time to be wasting my golden pot of honey on some wack sex… If the itch is that bad I have not a problem pulling out my goodie bag and getting down to business!!!

  11. You have to speak up! If you’re in a relationship with someone and their performance is lacking…TELL EM! You owe it to yourself. If this is the person you want to be with for the EVER, then they need to know how to make you feel good. There’s nothing wrong with having practice sessions where you’re both learning how to please one another. If her giving head were lackluster, why wouldn’t you tell her how you prefer to have it? Wouldn’t that benefit you in the long run?

  12. who honestly feels like they suck in bed? people have egos. egos get bruised. if i'm not doing something right in bed you better open up your mouth. closed mouths don't get fed (literally). you best believe i'm going to say something if i feel like the s*x was lackluster. or i might just not deal with you anymore if there is no saving you.

      1. I tried changing positions…. the man had the body, the big TOOL, the cute face… it didn't work. Even riding him was boring.

        And to think that he was divorced…I guess that's why his wife cheated on him and run… She deserves a medal, for the 3 years of bad shexing a ''panty meat'' literally -op. cit. max-logic…

        1. the man had the body, the big TOOL, the cute face… it didn’t work. Even riding him was boring.

          ^^^Dealt with that before! smh

  13. If it's something they have no control over, keep it to yourself, bitchin that his dick is to small isn't going to held anything. If they can improve upon themselves, you gotta tell them, you just gotta, for the good of humanity, man!

    I just convinced a good friend of mine to tell one of his "friends". She was just super loose, like he swore he couldn't feel her walls. At all. O_O I suggested ben wa balls and all that as a sly way, but he's one of those blunt guys so he did mention the ben wa balls, but he said "cause I can't feel anything" instead of just, let's play with these…she already knew there was a problem because she started the convo by asking why he never initiated sex, but she was of course devastated. Still I think, even she will be thankful in the end…now she can work on that problem and tighten up. NO ONE wants to be bad in bed and unless you tell people, how could they ever know? I'm sure she thought her trap was sunshine, just like everyone else does…

    1. "I just convinced a good friend of mine to tell one of his “friends”. She was just super loose, like he swore he couldn’t feel her walls. At all. O_O I suggested ben wa balls and all that as a sly way, but he’s one of those blunt guys so he did mention the ben wa balls, but he said “cause I can’t feel anything” instead of just, let’s play with these…she already knew there was a problem because she started the convo by asking why he never initiated sex, but she was of course devastated."

      Just Curious are you sure the problem wasn't with HIM (too skinny/narrow/no girth/width) because like i said in a previous post our vaginas are built to have that snapback. GRANT IT some may snap back tighter than others but for him to say she was super loose… O__o.

      And even if ole girl was getting the bizness 24/7 it still shouldn't be as wide as the delaware water gap because it's a muscle and it's contracting during sextivity so she is only making it stronger. You know what they say "if you don't use it you'll lose it" (muscle). #justwonderin

      1. "(too skinny/narrow/no girth/width)" Lmao

        I've always wondered but never asked a man…do they KNOW when they're workin' with a vienna sausage? But just "go for it" anyway? lol that's jacked up…glad I'm not a man.

        1. *LOL* I think they know that's why they be coming up with these krazy azz positions — having you twisted up like a sourdough pretzel and whatnot.

        2. lol dayum. the jedi mind trick "maybe if i hog tie her she won't know I'm only the size of a Q-tip" haaaaaaaaaaa dead wrong

      2. Valid question, but this friend of mine started out as more than a friend many moons ago…I can testify that it is absolutely not a problem or length, girth, width, any of the above for him…he's by far the biggest I've ever seen. It was an actual foot of man meat, no joke, a literal FOOT…and width was on point.*starts reminiscing*….

        Oh sorry, I can't testify to his motion, but I have a girlfriend that can…and he gets the seal of approval. I believe that she was just larger than usual…as some women are…you gotta work #RuPaul

    2. kegel, kegel, kegel! it is your friend…and there are othere contraptions to help too! that wouldve been my first suggestion!

  14. You know I had a guy tell me flat out "You suck in bed" and no he wasn't talking about oral. It didn't hurt my feelings because I already knew the sex between he and I was bogus. He didn't do the things I needed to participate no foreplay even though I tried to iniate it. He wasn't into kissing or anything which in hindsight I was like wtf, Why did I even bother? So I showed up but didnt show out…….actually the two times we got it in or shall i say he got it in i just laid there. So my response to him was "I'm only as good as my partner" needles to say that was the end of that.

  15. Seven: “maybe if i hog tie her she won’t know I’m only the size of a Q-tip”

    bwahahahaaaaaa *OUT LOUD IN STEREO*

  16. I'm about to put myself out there. But my past business on the wall….check it….I've been on BOTH sides of this coin. I've been on the side where, in the act of, I was damn near rolling my eyes like "This chick sucks. This head/vjayjay is sooooo wack! I dont think any coaching can fix it." Once was in a relationship….yeah talk about awkward feelings…and a couple others were with the casuals. Just like Streetz said, its easy to simply fade away from the casuals. With the girlfriend though you have a much bigger problem.

    Now……*takes a breathe*……having been on the receiving end of that bad news is like getting kicked by a Clydesdale dead in the center of your chest. One of my ex's hit me with that one time. It wasn't that it was wack from the beginning but that it went from the touching/teasing, kissing and 4-play in the beginning to us basically driving the car before it warmed up. Lotta backstory to all that but I digress.

    Lemme tell you. There is NO WAY to tell someone that they are wack in bed and ain't doing it for you. No matter how you word it it aint gonna be received well. Especially if being said to a man. Our "yeah I tour it down, had shortie climbing the walls" pride can't handle it. Your best bet. Try to give hints that help them get better, accept it how it is or cut ya losses early.

  17. i have been lurking for awhile now but i had to comment on this post.

    you have to be honest. my Bf of three years was horrible when we first started, then after like six months it went from 0 to 100. i think when you first start doing the doo with a new person, it takes times to be familiar with the new territory. so be honest and give the new boo a chance. but if after a year he/she is still not making scream the lord's name vain then its time to play the "umm sorry i have not called i lost my phone" lol

  18. Hola! First time commenting too. I've been lurking for a while but anyhoww…

    YESSSSS! You have to tell him/her how wack they are for the sake of other people they may encounter.

    There's really no blunt way of saying it even while hinting.

    I remember telling him "just get the fuck off of me" because he swore to Jesus Christ himself he was mudering the pum pum.

    #epicfail. I have also been on the end where it was said "that's just not gonna cut it". I was baffled. *clutches pearls* but when discussed and showed how and/or what to do.

    I haven't had any complaints for that point on.

    GREAT POST! 🙂

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