Ball and chain … or … The best thing ever.
That old hag … or … The one that completes me.
With the divorce rate above 50%, 30 becoming the new 20 and guys and girls both running from major commitment, and more than a couple major media sources badmouthing this “sacred union” … makes you wonder how come the whole wedding cake and tuxedo industry haven’t completely collapsed.
As someone who plans to and is fighting to delay it as long as possible looking forward to marital bliss … it made me think. Why do I want to get married? With the help of one of my married classmates, I came up with a list:
To Produce crumbsnatchers offspring
According to my good friend, this is the top reason to get married. Sure you can have kids out of wedlock, but wants to fight over which last name he’s gonna have. He listed this pretty high on his reasons behind buying that ring.
To get rid of some of this debt
So you went too hard with them credit cards buying Gucci handbags or limited edition Jordan’s? Got a credit score of 50 and you owe Chase so much money that they are posted outside with a bat? Who needs to call debt consolidation when you can just marry someone making more than you to bang out those student loan bills.
To keep your Mom/Dad happy
Oddly enough, my mom doesn’t bother me about getting married, making her a grandmother, or settling down. On the other hand, my dad is terrible. Upon meeting my girlfriend’s dad, he opened with “and now we just gotta get these two married” (no lie … this really happened). If signing my life away will get him off my back … then so be it.
So the folks at church will finally leave you alone
You can always count on church folks to get in your business and tell you what you need to do with your life.
Because you don’t want to use a condom
You have no guarantee that s/he won’t step out on you and give you that three letter virus that scares me … but you got a lot better odds than those with the girls you pull home every Saturday with the small selection of people you’re dating.
For the Bachelor Party
Long story short … I want more people at my bachelor party than I want at my wedding. Think of the Hangover … but with 115 people, and some sort of stripper spectacular in a small arena as the opener.
Some girls are only willing to do anal with their husband
The good man RCLS just dug into (no pun intended) the subject of backdoor exploring, but I have been told before by more than one person that this is “something special I am saving for my husband”. Not only is this stupid reasoning, but it is also enraging at times. Regardless, if a ring somehow holds magical powers that will numb your backside and make everything work like a well oiled machine (pun intended) … then “I got you”.
Love … n sh*
Supposedly, for some odd reason … people think marriage and love have something to do with each other. This is simply not true for a lot of reasons … but if the only way I can truly prove my love and commitment to someone is with an overpriced rock and piece of metal … then so be it. As much as I have tried to get out of it … seems like there is no way around it.
It’s the grown man thing to do
Jokes aside … it is a part of life. You’re young … you run the streets, beating everything that walks or kneels. Then … you get tired … you want someone to cook for you … and you settle down and get married. I am far from a traditionalist … but there are some facets of getting old that I understand.
So … I hope for the few of you that needed coaxing or a solid list of reason’s to go ahead and make that plunge that this list has helped. If it didn’t … eh … I’m not married so I can’t really talk.
What would you add to the list? Does the list work for men and women … or just us dang-a-lang carriers?
SBM aka Still got no ring aka The only ring I’m wearing is my class ring!