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Men Have Egos…and Feelings

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All she had to do was make some wings...

The following takes place on a Sunday after football has went off and the fellas have bounced from the crib:

Stanley: Hey, so I wanted to talk to you about last week.
Natasha: Huh?
Stanley: Well, it took me a few days. But why did I find out from a friend that you went to Vince’s party?
Natasha: Well, that wasn’t my plan, We ended up there because that other party was wack.
Stanley: I mean I understand, but we both know you and him had a pretty extensive history. I’d think you’d trust I wouldn’t OD in my reaction…
Natasha: Nothing happened and there’s nothing to worry about. I’m sorry, but you need to get over this ego thing.
Stanley: It’s not about my ego!
Natasha: Then what’s it about boo?
Stanley: It’s about my feelings!

Everything with men isn’t about stroking his jawn ego, which is different than considering his feelings. In the scenario above, Stan the Man was bothered because his girl wasn’t confident in his ability to handle her whereabouts when it came to her being at a party of an ex-acquaintance of hers. This type of conversation shows up in relationships all the time, but with different topics. Men end up feeling hurt, which usually shows itself as anger, and a lot of times women assume it to be a matter of ego as opposed to the man just having feelings like anyone else. Of course this is just my experience, so maybe some folks will disagree. Let me go a little bit further with a few examples to differentiate between ego issues and feelings issues:

  • Sighing in bed after your man blasted off and snatching away the covers in disappointment: Ego. Most things relating to the part that makes a man a man will always be about the ego.
  • Telling him he’s no better than the last man she dated: Feelings. If the dude has been sacrificing and putting in effort to make you happy and you shoot it down, he’s going to feel some type of way and perhaps question himself. It’s not about ego. Making someone happy, which is an emotion, hit the feelings level. If you drew a picture for your parent(s) in kindergarten and they told you it was sh*tty artwork, you’d be scarred for life. Extreme example, but you get my drift.
  • Staring at Idris or T.I. and drooling because they’re in the same restaurant: Ego. Anything pertaining to the appearance of another man compared to oneself will touch the ego.
  • Getting caught cheating: Ego and Feelings. Women may be more emotional, but if you wanna see the most emotional reaction from us then go ahead and let another man put the piece up in there.
  • Not making sure him and the fellas are comfy on football Sunday: Feelings.
See Also:  Aw Hun. You Dated a Celebrity? It's Over.

Now I can admit that I’m slightly more of an ego monster than the typical male. And when I say ego, I don’t mean dripping withΒ  cockiness or arrogance.Β  I just mean that I take manliness very seriously and any violations of such in the form of disrespect or other are worthy of at least a slight reaction. In the process of fighting the Holy War dating, I’ve had women misinterpret why I was upset and chalk it up to ego, which means I’m just being a dude as opposed to I’m just being a person that has feelings like anybody else. So ladies, even if you are dating the manliest of men, understand he may be just as prone to having his feelings hurt as you…except he probably won’t call his boys and sit on the phone for an hour talking about it.

So what do you think when it comes to man’s ego vs. his feelings? Are they really the same thing? How about a woman’s ego (yep, y’all got ’em) vs. feelings? How do you or your friends react when ego or feelings violations occur? Anything else? Yeah, that too.

Feelingly,

Twitter: @slimjackson Website: www.threewaystotakeit.com

Comment(169)

  1. So what do you think when it comes to man’s ego vs. his feelings?

    ^^^I think that they are just as important as anyone elses and should be considered just as important, feelings especially. Though some egos are a little too big for the room.

    Are they really the same thing?

    ^^^No, using the example in the post, if he took the time to think about the situation before approaching it and wasn't on some other ish, it took a lot out of him to even say anything without blowing up…feelings were definitely involved. If it was ego, the same situation would've gone down differently.

    How about a woman’s ego (yep, y’all got ‘em) vs. feelings?

    ^^^Some operate more on feelings than ego…me being an emotional creature, my feelings guide my actions & words more than my ego would.

    How do you or your friends react when ego or feelings violations occur?

    ^^^Ego gets called out & folks are put back into their places…feelings are considered & taken seriously…tissues are kept near by & plenty of hugs are given but with ego, someone might just get hurt.

    As the emo person that i am, i take men's feelings very seriously and i respect it because my dad doesn't really share his feelings & if he does, its more ego than feelings. I treat them the way i would want to be treated so i'm considerate of them just as i hope they would be with me (though dudes i've encountered aren't).

    Great post Slim!

  2. I am highly driven by my emotions….and I rarely find my ego playing a part in my life and relationships…I don't think I have much of an ego….and I don't have a problem with that.

    I think men could dial down the ego stuff a bit, it can be a bit taxing to constantly have to walk on eggshells around someone's larger than life ego…

    I can relate to feelings..but, I really can't relate to men or people with big ego's..so, I am probably not going to give as much consideration to an ego situation..as I would a situation where your feelings were hurt or something like that…..I really don't do egos..and I don't have time for them…if I hurt your feelings I will apologize…if I hurt your ego….that sounds like a personal problem….

    Ego's should be put to the side in relationships..it has no place and it serves no purpose.

    1. On the flip side, if I say that I'm more egotistical than emotional and dont relate well to feelings. Would I be wrong to tell women Feelings have no place in a relationship?

      Men are more ego driven, so to ignore that part of a man is similar to me ignoring your emotional side.

        1. The problem I have with men and ego's..is understanding when I am violating the male ego…its not like a man is going to tell me…lol. I can understand and relate to when I have hurt my man's feelings…and I can apologize..but, how do I know when its just a bruised ego…and how do I know what is going to step on his ego? That is why I say, I don't do ego's…..again, its like walking on eggshells…..

        2. @QueenT

          "again, its like walking on eggshells"

          You said that you're driven by your emotions. So when is dealing with emotional people isn't like walking on eggshells?

          It's only walking on eggshells when you don't know what to do or not do. You can guestimate but every person is different. Then eventually get the hang of it…

        3. Moreover, is it safe to assume that when you say "I don't do egos" you're referring to extreme examples of egotistical displays? Not saying one should put up with overly dramatic (mellow or not) situations driven via emotions or egos. But on an everyday, people have a baseline level of emotionality and ego. And with respect to that person (you care about), all aspects of them must be considered.

  3. I definitely don't think egos and emotions are the same thing. I try to be attentive enough to notice when a man's feelings are genuinely hurt, even when he tries to cover it up, lol. That's one of the biggest issues, men not wanting to admit that their feelings are hurt b/c they don't want to look soft.

    I, also, think that just as people like to blame everything on men's egos, they like to blame everything on women's "feelings." Sometimes it is your girl's ego/pride that has her acting crazy. And, nope, she probably won't admit it or correct you when you chide her for being too emotional. It's easier than admitting that you bruised her ego.

  4. Lmfao @ the sh*tty drawings! I'm still chuckling over here. Gimme a second.

    Second.

    I agree with BSquared. A lot of things are blamed on a man's ego like things are blamed on our emo-tions. lol I know that men have feelings and I try very hard to hurt them everyday to avoid messing with them cuz I know how some of y'all get. From watching some guys, I've noticed when their feelings are hurt, they like to act like it's nothing. But they'll hold on to it for a while. A struck ego pain-face is quick to be shown. And it can't be hidden.

    (i.e."Your pipe game was terrible." or in my case,

    Me: You can't be serious. You f*cking owe me.

    Him: Oh.. damn. I'm.. sorry. I didn't know.. Okay *hangs head but tries to massage*

    Me: Get off me.)

    I don't think egos and feelings are the same. A hurt ego can lead to hurt feelings though, depending on the depth of the cut you made. I've had my ego hurt recently and it did hurt my feelings later in the conversation as I thought about it some more. …Like you can't call some pums "okay" when you've been coming back for more for over a year, begging. You? Buggin. #B!tchBeTrippin. But I digress…

    d^_^b good post ex e-boo

    p.s. I'll still e-touch you inappropriately. Free e-country.

  5. Call it social conditioning and being very good (ie platonic) friends with casanovas who seem to have no feelings, but I am guilty of making the mistake that "men have no feelings." I mean really if Nelly, all muscles and machismo, can sing "Just A Dream" then all men must have feelings right since he is a tough guy and he seems to be crying in that song, no!?! (LOL.) I just wish men would be more open/transparant about their feelings…because their actions when they are sad/mad seem more ego-based reactions as opposed to feelings-based reactions. We women, most of the time, communicate how we feel whereas if there is a problem/misunderstanding/something that causes an inner conflic, some men do dumb things like sleep with 50 women, or lose their temper, or lash out with words and then a woman just gets pissed, slams the door on that and walks out. Yes you are right, men do have feelings and I suppose have different ways of showing that…

    I liked this post alot, so thank you!

    1. Glad you enjoyed as she lay their panting and sweating!

      Your interpretation of man is pretty good. What I didn't mention is the alternate reaction from women…shutting down completely and being completely unreachable mentally and emotionally.

        1. …pretty much how I live at home these days…it's easier than fighting….arguing, fighting, iCan't….iWon't…iDon't….

      1. Yea, I'm guilty of this…"shutting down completely and being completely unreachable mentally and emotionally." I've also have been guilty of hurting a man's feelings and his ego.

        Messing with a man's ego is like kicking him in the balls, I would assume. It hurts like hell, but he eventually gets over it and doesn't mentally relive such experiences. Messing with a man's feelings is like messing with his heart. Once you've messed with a man's heart in a negative light, there's no turning back really. Men don't forgive as easy as women.

        As far as a woman's ego, I think my areas of gray is probably not being what my significant other wants. The same thing with men. That has a lot to do with my feelings. As women, we have a need to be caterers, even when we have ass-hole/men like tendencies. When I feel like I have nothing to offer, my ego gets crushed. When either my ego is crushed or I am just pissed off, I react the same, I cut myself off from that person until they're completely replaceable….

        …I think men do this too…I don't know if its healthy though…

        Good post..got me thinking.

      2. I'm surprised at the # of women who shut down per response to this post. I can admit I typically attach that to men.

        I wrote about being emo yesterday on my blog… I decided a few years ago that I would be more transparent (only to people I care about–strangers don't get to view my feelings like that) in how I'm feeling because FOR ME, it feels better to express it rather than keep it inside.

        1. Funny you say that Reecie…about attributing emotionally shutting down to men. My girlfriends…they consult me when they want some version of a man's perspective. lmao I do have to admit I'm slightly masculine..

          But seriously, I can't speak as to why the other ladies shut down…but for me:

          I do it when I've reached the point of diminishing returns with someone. I will not continue to expel energy on a waste of time and allow "you" to transfer all of your negative energy to me. That's not to say that I haven't sat and listened and tried to come to a happy medium. I have…and when I'm done. I'm done. Lights out. πŸ™‚

  6. A man won't ever tell you what he's feeling because he's a man. I don't think they're egotistical at all it's just they want you to mind your business…and yes, they're entitled to be in yours. Females need to learn how to listen. If a man says "you don't need to be going there" ladies, remove YOUR ego and listen. What he's really saying is "you're with me you don't need to be going places with your partying friends anymore…we can't trust them".

    It's more communication than anything. You have to be in tune with one another and if you are, you'll know how the other feels and will act accordingly.

    1. FYI ladies: males communicate with their actions. Females use words. We talk a lot because we're overly emotional so feed off the strength your male and take it down a notch.

      Save the long-winded talks for important things and he'll learn to pay attention instead of rolling his eyes.

      1. Men communicate with their actions, and women with their words…

        #Trapswomenfallinto

        Remember this young buck, "your words and feelings only matter to you. What matters is what you do." Your actions are the only thing that matters. Before you try to make any point with some generalization like that evaluate what you are trying to say.

    2. You don't think men are egotistical at all? I don't agree with that.

      I don't think a man is entitled to be in my business..and telling me what I need to do…unless we are married and even then it is still up for discussion.

      I do agree with the statement..women should listen more…women do have a tendency to talk alot..even myself.

      1. "women should listen more…women do have a tendency to talk alot..even myself."

        Clearly.

        "I don't think a man is entitled to be in my business..and telling me what I need to do"

        He's the authority and leadership. You're being stubborn and unsubmissive. He's also your significant other so you need to trust what he's telling you and quit being disrespectful by not listening.

        "I don't agree with that."

        That's because you're a female. You want something to be inherently wrong with the guy so you have some delusional reason to validate you disrespecting him.

        1. “women should listen more…women do have a tendency to talk alot..even myself.”

          "Clearly."

          If you can't express your opinions respectfully and without insults (veiled or otherwise), please avoid posting.

        2. "“women should listen more…women do have a tendency to talk alot..even myself.”

          Clearly."

          She agreed with you and you still have to be disrespectful?

          She didnt attack your opinions. She simply told you why she disagrees. I dont get why your retort has to be so condescending and disrespectful.

    3. Shekeisha: I don’t think they’re egotistical at all it’s just they want you to mind your business…and yes, they’re entitled to be in yours. O__o

      I'm sorry….. NO!! Yes I get it that the man is supposed to guide and lead the household by taking the reigns, etc. but NOT to the point where it's okay for him to be all up in my business telling me HOW, WHEN, WHERE but yet I am supposed to stay MUTE when it comes to his business???? NEGATIVE!!!!!

    4. "A man won’t ever tell you what he’s feeling because he’s a man."

      No. That is false. Even if we're talking about purely physical attraction. A guy will just tell you. The frequency and method will vary based on the configuration of his ego, but we have mouths. We use them for more than eating… (pun intended)

      There are guys with communication problems and they (and clearly some women) may blame it on the male's ego. But that's like always attributing a woman's attitude/emotional tendencies to her PMSing. And you know that assertion makes no sense…

  7. See, this is where I'm starting to have communication problems with my teenage sons. They are no longer my "babies" and they are becoming "young men" so they are discerning that whole EGO vs. FEELINGS thing and I am doing a goofy side step trying to find the proper balance.

    On Saturday night I picked up my 16 year old from a friends house. He looked upset. I said, "did you have a good time?" he said "Not at all" I said, "Well what happened, did somebody do something to hurt your feelings?" he said "Ma, I'm not a BITCH nobody HURT my feelings, I'm fine just drop it alright?"

    *le sigh* MEN.

    1. Wow..lol. I have two son's as well..they are not teens yet but I know its going to be a trip when they do hit that age…it seems like when boys are younger and going thru puberty and adolescence it is truly about ego…..and then as they become men..they are able to tone it down a tad and mellow out..but, that ego is still always rearing its ugly head…lol πŸ™‚

      1. The teen years are when they learn to be men but if you take that away from them because you think they're being "egotistical" than they will grow up to be boys. Pushovers. Pansies. You have to take the leash off and let them explore their masculinity.

        Anyone who tries to stifle a person when they're learning about who they are and what their role in life will be is not suited for motherhood, fatherhood, or any type of leadership.

        1. Shekeisha…what in the HELL are you talking about? You sound crazy…

          I don't know what you've raised but I have young men in my house.

        2. To all the females sitting there lying through their french manicures talking bout some "I'm guilty of shutting down emotionally"…

          Prove it by shutting up when you hear something you don't like.

        3. Actually I have pink and whites…costs more…but lasts longer.. LMAO

          I see what you're doing Shekeisha…I saw it the moment you opened your mouth.

          You don't bother me one single bit…I think you're a very sad and lonely person that has been hurt a lot…by misguided men AND women…and I will pray for you.

    2. You do realize how silly it makes you look to ask a male to discuss his feelings, right?

      'C'mon suga you can talk to me. Who hurt you wittle feelings.'

      Meanwhile the male you're talking to is thinking 'I will NEVER respect you.'

      Keep doing that and see how quickly you push your sons away from you.

      1. @Shekeisha, when you're a mother and you see one of your children hurting, your first thought is that you want to fix it for them or make it better…you're not looking at it like "oh he's a man"

        Like I said I am learning my balance and how to approach them…silly? I think not…just being a mommy…I hope you have a bunch of sons so that you can experience it yourself.

        p.s. I am VERY close with both of my sons, they are both great athletes and make honor roll every marking period so I must be doing something right. BACKATCHA.

        1. Yes…all of what you said.

          Love on your babies…male or female…even when they pretend they don't like it and say yuck and try to wipe your kisses off. lol

      2. "Red" shut up and listen to what I'm saying. Your feelings are hurt so your ego is flaring up. Learn to mind your business.

        Females are retarded. I swear. If someone told a female "you need to mind your business" fifteen more women would be like "NO! YOU'RE WRONG!"

        Wtf? Was I talking to you? See? That's EXACTLY what I meant.

        Fellas…I got you.

        1. Shekeisha…I'ma need you to fall back with the rudeness on the site. Multiple people have asked you to cool it with the tone. People, including myself, are trying to respect your opinions but you're making it very difficult. Everyone you see commenting on this site has lived in this e-hood a lot longer than you have sooo…..

          Stop it.

        2. @ "Slim"

          Sigh.

          Ladies. I will use myself and Slim as the example. He just said "stop being rude"…in my head I want to curse him out but because he responded to one of my previous, strongly worded posts with humilty and respect, I'm going to shut down emotionally and try to LISTEN to what he's saying. So instead of hearing 'you can't speak' with my emotions, I'm going to hear 'you're opinions are a little strong so give us time to adjust'.

          See? Mutual respect. I'm listening to him and taking a step back. Why? Because he approaches me like a self-confident man.

    3. "I am doing a goofy side step trying to find the proper balance."

      ~ I hear ya girl…I'm watching my sister do the same tightrope routine with hers! One day they're open and sharing with her…the next day "she's being too nosey" *smh*

  8. I think men are socialized to be ego driven, much more so than women. It starts at a young age, when we start telling our boys to man up if he starts crying or gets upset a bout something. We force them to think that anything that affronts their "manhood" is much worse than something that hurts their feelings. Suppress your feelings, and don't let anyone punk you. Ego first, feelings a distant second.

    Unfortunately, you teach people how to treat you. And if you are the type of man who is constantly trying to prove that you're an unfeeling, emotionless drone, then that's how a lot of women are going to deal with you. We aren't going to take your feelings seriously because you don't take your feelings seriously.

    Personally, I know a lot of ego driven men who have great careers, and who are doing great things in their field. .None of them have great relationshps….

    1. With all that being said, I am definitely more ego. Which is why I'm by my damn self. lol.

      Seriously though, I hide my feelings all the time. Been doing it for years. It's not healthy, not at all. I don't like appearing vulnerable, which, I'm sure is a big tunroff for guys. I told my mom last weekend, the man who can make me feel safe and secure enough to let my guard down will be the man I ask to marry me. lol.

    2. Hey Nia girl!!

      Unfortunately, you teach people how to treat you. And if you are the type of man who is constantly trying to prove that you’re an unfeeling, emotionless drone, then that’s how a lot of women are going to deal with you. We aren’t going to take your feelings seriously because you don’t take your feelings seriously.

      ^ YEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

      Seriously though, I hide my feelings all the time.

      ^ I don't hide my feelings all the time, however the minute I feel that there's a reason for me to, my "wall" will go up faster than a hooker's legs.

      1. Exactly. All the time was probably a poor choice of words. I don't think its all the time, but it is pretty often. I'm definitely better than I was when I was young chica of 22/23 years old. I am quick to throw up the wall of "I don't care" and "whatever, man".

  9. I don't think ego and feelings are the same things. However I think it becomes hard to tell the difference when you don't state that your feelings have been hurt. If you're reaction to violations on the ego and feelings are the same, how the hell am I to know the difference? Especially if you're not voicing it.

    I'm more feelings driven that ego. 9 times out of 10 I have no problems stating how I feel or if you did something to offend me. If there's anything that gets in the way at times, it's my pride. However, there are some individuals/situations where I'll swallow it #pause without hesitation.

  10. I am definitely driven by my feelings but I am trying to do better. Letting my emotions get the best of me is not attractive. I wish I had the ability to shut down like some of the previous posters mentioned. I work in public health science field with 2520 males and I hate when they see me upset. I can take constructive criticism; in fact I welcome it but don't attack me personally. The same goes with my personal relationships. If you need me to change something tell me but be verbally attacking me is not going to get me to listen. I have been known to wear my feelings on my sleeve.

    On the flip side I am attracted to the "Alpha Male" mandingo warrior, egotistical, can't-tell-them-ish type. I am actually attracted to women who act that way as well. I am not sure why this is. This at times causes complications.

  11. I like to consider myself a pretty intuitive person (mercury in Pisces and all lol) accompanied with my lot of assorted male friends I learned pretty early on that men do have feelings. Honestly I find very little differences among the sexes, even in the expression of self.

    1. Men do have feelings but *some* have problems with expressing them. So I can't entirely cosign with not finding differences with the sexes.

  12. i don't expect women to understand a woman's ego. just like women don't expect men to understand a lot of things about them. i make no apologies about my ego. i have a large one. no pause. i won't let my ego get the best of me though. what i don't like is when women just dismiss when a man has an issue and say "that's just his ego". imagine if every time you had an issue i said "oh that's just her pms." probably wouldn't go over so well.

    on the flip side i'm also an emotional dude and i have feelings. this is not be confused with being overly emotional but i do acknowledge that i do have feelings. they get hurt from time to time and when they do i have no problem letting you know.

  13. I'm still trying to decipher where it's ego and when it's feelings.. I don't have a lot of interaction with men (on that level) for me to care what it is that's ruling them..

    I've made it no secret that my last guy was the woman in the relationship, so everything was about feelings.. (except when he cheated.. which was about ego)

    As a result, I tend to be more logical than most people I know. I often say, "just make 1+1=2 and I'm fine.."

    I don't hide my feelings because honestly, before I say anything, you'll know what I'm feeling.

    men having feelings is something so foreign to me. Not only did my father never speak that way, my mother doesn't either. So I'm surrounded by people that have emotionally shut down. Factor in the fathers I know that tell their sons, "suck it up, be a man" and it becomes a fine line between "being a man" and being "emotionally stunted.."

  14. I agree with this post.

    Men definitely have feelings although they try to keep it dormant but depending on the situation you will know when it rears it's sensitive head and will be able to discern between the two (Ego or Feelings). #thatisall

  15. @Slim…Awesome post *dapz*

    (sorry if my thoughts aren't to clear, got a lot going on at work)

    I just wrote to Nia that my life since college has been a consistent practice of how to be a man BUT also express my feelings and ego in a healthy manner. I do find it challenging to act purely on emotion but what is worse is that I've found that a lot of women do not know how to react or "be there" for their man/male friend when he is going through something.

    That lends my thoughts to think about the things that are important to being a man. Which reminds me of a questions I was asking women a while ago. What are your ideal traits of manhood? What are the traits/things that are most attractive that men do & or act? Do they overlap or are they opposed to each other?

  16. Some points

    #1 Ego and Feelings are both developed. I think it all starts as feelings, then ego develops out of observance of others, emphasis on "self importance" and "skill level"

    When i was younger I was a super emo kid. You coluldnt joke with me bec I took everything personal. When I got to HS and College, I looked back and saw that all those jokes were actually funny, and I wished I was able to snap back better and take it in stride. I had to navigate my own emotional standard deviation, and find a balance.

    Ego was actually developed by my parents and peers. When my dad would tell me that Im intelligent, compliments you get from teachers, understanding that you may be more skilled in something than others and the will and desire to prove this and put them in their place. Thats ego to me. An air of self confidence and basically, a mission statement about all facets of your life.

    Male ego can be fragile, btu the same way you navigate the feelings, you need to fortify ego with humility and the hunger to improve your weak points and strengthen your strong points.

    Sorry for the Freud swindle…

    1. Ego was actually developed by my parents

      ^^^Must be a Haitian/West Indian thing cause my parents definitely built the ego that i have up!

  17. I think men have both egos and feelings but I never really concern myself with which is which. I guess I think if I do something that causes a man to react then I'm more concerned about the reaction itself than whether it came from his ego or his feelilngs.

  18. Well this was definitely one of my favorite parts in "Diary of a Tired Black Man." If yall have never seen it that movie is the best. Pretty much tells you everything that frustrates men about women.

    In that movie it was said that women say they want a man that is sensitive but if you ever cry in front of her or treat her too good you are a punk.

    My favorite line from the movie "I got feelings b$tch!" πŸ™‚ Dude said that about some ex makin fun of him for crying at a funeral.

      1. Actually though, it is. Females can be mean. Like I said if you've never seen that movie you should watch it….you will have a whole new understanding of men and what we deal with.

        1. I don't think it's normal for someone to poke fun at another individual for expressing grief. Whoever that person is needs counseling. Women are "supposed" to be nuturing and understanding, so I don't get why she would do that.

        2. cosign, I've heard multiple women say they can't stand tears from a man, no matter the circumstance.

          My lady and I watched that movie too. She didn't dig it at first but later thought more highly of it.

  19. All these comments are cool and all, and I'ma let yall finish but… can someone please turn Shakeisha's Mic back on… this chick is entertaining as hell.

    Yesterday, after giving her all sorts of very smart and relevant commentary and feedback she told Peyso that he talks to much… Lol.

    Today my homey Queen T extended the olive branch of slight agreement, and she slapped it down and basically said stop being such a girl. She questioned RedLady's skills as a mother, basically called her unfit and said if she doesn't stop her sons are gonna grow up to be soft.

    I mean, you can't make this stuff up.

    1. As far as the topic is concerned, I think it's ok for a man to feel, and there's nothing wrong with having a big ego (lord knows I do). All of that is what makes us human. What's not ok is for a man to allow his actions to be guided by those feelings or by his ego. A man's actions should be guided primarily by logic and reason. He should think things through and make decisions putting his emotions and ego aside. Personally, I don't mind emotion in a woman. I think it's as much a part of her femininity as her breasts and hips. As a man, I need a woman to be emotional a remind me that there are things that make this earth spin besides logic and reason. Things like love, hurt, jealosy… all those emotions… really exsist and guide some peoples actions. It's in a mans best interest to account for the emotional responses of others when making logical decisions.

    2. "All these comments are cool and all, and I’ma let yall finish but… can someone please turn Shakeisha’s Mic back on… this chick is entertaining as hell."

      DEAD!!

    3. Most, you have changed my view on her not commenting if she can't be respectful. She was primarily the reason I stayed awake at work yesterday afternoon, and nothing really topped the "yeller ni**a" comment.

      1. When a person, whose words and opinions are bound by the confines of logic, reason and… reality, falls into disagreement with someone's whose opinions are not bound by those same confines, the only logical response is to view the conversation humorously.

      2. word. i dont even comment when i read the stuff on this site but she has some good ass points. she needs to stop talking on the internet though cuz shed prolly do more in her community.

    4. "All these comments are cool and all, and I’ma let yall finish but… can someone please turn Shakeisha’s Mic back on… this chick is entertaining as hell."

      I should have assumed that's why we haven't been hearing from Auntie Ruckus for the last few hours.

      SBM/Slim/Streetz/Jack/whoever, don't block her. It's like watching the Maury show when I get a day off of work, I need a good dose of ignorance to make me laugh.

    5. How TIGHT was I when she came at me with that? That's why I just said "aiight" because I was not going to get into it with Shakeisha.

      1. Oh yeah, I meant to comment on your situation with your sons RedLady.

        I don't have kids, so I do presume to know how to raise them, but, I was a 16 year old male at one point and here's what I think based on how I remember that age.

        Think of it like this, that age for men, is like the 3rd trimester of pregnancy for women. We have all sorts of hormones going through us. All sorts of new urges and desires that we're trying to reconcile, at the same time, we're trying to decide what type of men we want to be. If you're kids are pretty well adjusted and you feel like you and your husband have been doing a good just thus far, then just trust that and continue to be a mother. Follow your instincts. Don't let them become mama's boys because they grow up to be… mama's boys, and that's very unattractive to good women, but, you can never be to loving. Yeah, they'll be annoyed now, but, who cares… it's only temporary. Just remember that what you are showing them now is what they will expect their wife to show them (and their children) in the future.

        1. Thank you, and yes I feel that I'm doing a very good job so far. Neither one of my sons are mama's boys (they don't run to me or up under me – unless they need a ride somewhere), I think that I have a bigger problem with letting go than they do. However, they know that we love them and will never hesitate to give them a hug or reassurance if we deem it necessary.

          They are well on their way to becoming strong young men with their own opinions, independence and ideas. If my son wasn't confident in handling himself he wouldn't have snapped at me when I asked him that question. I know not to dig, nag or pry, (once I'm told no) but they know that their father and myself are always there if they need guidance.

        1. Seven, I was thinking the same thing…what woman bashes other women that way? And when I thought about it I was like ewl, she talks like a man….

        2. Shout out to Shekeisha for helping the comment count today. 100th comment for the win!

          Part of me thought it was a man doing a social experiment on internet dynamics.lol. Why else would the person's comments be so offensive?

        3. shorty you trippin. all of yall are haters. i mean shit will hurt your feelings if you on the wrong side of it but it aint offensive. she aint tryna be entertaining learn something. but still ima add my c/s by saying shes given up all the secrets to yall females man. that shit aint cool.

      2. redlady821: "How TIGHT was I when she came at me with that? That’s why I just said “aiight” because I was not going to get into it with Shakeisha."

        No need. I had no problem cruelly laying into her and hitting below the belt. After reading my comment, I know she's somewhere with her Aunt Jemima headrag on and fuzzy slippers, cursing my name, knowing she can't respond.

  20. Tiger1867….yeah I was gonna suggest that ladies watch it with a man. Cause I think if women watch it alone they would think that the stuff is exaggerated but a man could cosign almost everything in that movie.

    1. I had my woman heated b/c I was cosigning with a lot of it. Yes, some of their examples were exaggerated but it was great food for thought. We discussed that movie for half a day in some way shape or form.

      That is a perfect movie if you are hosting folks for a dinner and you want to get the perspectives of the he/she/z's.

  21. man look ima tell yall like this yall need to stop getting your knowledge about life from movies and magazines and shit. yall tryna talk smart and aint really seein the simple picture. dudes are like lions and women are antelopes. a lion wouldnt just let an antelope tell him what to do cuz its a weaker species feel me? learn from nature.

        1. I'm actually bookmarking this and the "You Aren't the Only One" thread. I'm sure one day four months from now, I'll re-read Kee-Kee's comments about how "office work, being a manager, anything in coporate America is not work for a black man" and how black men "have certain qualities and attributes that make them suited for manual labor", and laugh until I choke!

    1. Lions really shouldnt be the animal that you used. Especially considering the fact that the females do all the hunting and are known to jump a male.

      Also, why wouldnt you use to animals of the same species?

  22. I am a faithful reader, but rarely comment. Today's comments have taken the cake.

    Shekeisha is an angry man who was told as a child to man up whenever he cried. I'm convinced and you can't tell me otherwise.

    This Yup character is just that. If I'm going to be likened to an animal, I'd like to be a panther. Please and thanks.

    On the subject of the post: I do believe that there is a difference between ego and feelings. All men are not the same, and will not react the same in certain situations. I don't think that it's possible to have an ego box and a feelings box, place scenarios and situations in them, and apply these classifications to all men.

  23. Damn, went away for an hour and missed all the drama. BTW, what are the odds that Yup and Shanquesia[sp?] are one and the same? :0?

  24. All of you fail.

    You're regulars on this website because you can't sustain or develop a real life without any form of entertainment. You're lazy people. You're the kind of women that hire nannies or order carry out but don't know how to make bread from flour. You're the kind of men that are secretaries and office workers but has to hire another man to fix a hole in his roof. Your lifestyles are completely "relaxed". You even have the time to congregate on other websites to talk smack. Tf? Did you do anything productive at all besides ride me and my comments like the hos you are?

    The only thing you can do is talk badly about someone trying to take the time to help you out because you're too blinded by your arrogance and spoiled natures. You get things easy so the truth comes at you hard. If your feelings are hurt, if you think true life is entertaining, if you laugh and see the reality of destitution as a joke than your value as human beings has been completely wiped out.

    All you are now are zombies. Feeding off the life and spirit of someone who's still alive.

    Now suck all that up and prove me right.

  25. Shekeisha is a genius. I've figured it out. She positions her arguments in a that there is nothing you can say to prove her wrong. If you say "I disagree…." then you're attacking her and her opinions and only doing some to offset the sting of being wrong. If you partially agree, then you're still an idiot. And then if you agree, you're just agreeing with her.

    1. I'm providing an example if you guys would open your eyes and expand your minds a little bit. Instead of trying to gang up on me and talk smack take notes and go fry your bosses the next time they treat you badly. Be spirited about it and throw your paperwork in their faces after you do so.

      Stand on your desk and say some off the wall stuff about black power and when you get fired…go work for yourself. Remember what I told you about manual labor?

      Genius. All black people are most of them just haven't caught on yet.

  26. And Slim, you're a gump. You have such great potential but you waste your time with these lames because they co-sign everything you say. These people don't care about you and you know it because you won't put them in their places. You know the moment you say something real they'll treat you just like they treat me. Quit being scared, following these losers around cracking lame jokes like a dog with no nuts.

    Man up to your "disciples". Don't tell me to be quiet when you won't even tell them to smarten/toughen up.

      1. #WTF#!!!

        You know what this ish ain't even comical or at least bit amusing anymore…. I'm Done.. *goodnite*

        So Sad…. #dropshead#

  27. Shekeisha I have a few questions for you though. I am not going to attack how you worded your phrases on you. The more and more I think about it, the more interesting your viewpoint becomes. I really want to understand how you came to these conclusions:

    Why is it that black men SHOULD work with their hands rather than work higher paying corporate jobs? (Flash to yesterday)

    "You’re regulars on this website because you can’t sustain or develop a real life without any form of entertainment." – You mind elaborating a bit. What do you mean by entertainment in this context? Are you never entertained? Sidebar: are you not a regular here?

    "The only thing you can do is talk badly about someone trying to take the time to help you out because you’re too blinded by your arrogance and spoiled natures." – Couldnt at least the first part of this sentence be said about you when looking at your comments for the last few days.

    Lastly, you've spit alot of rhetoric but you havent supplied any sort of proof. Its almost as if when you come on here, we're suppose to take when you say as proof. I'd like to hear your arguments as to why we should listen to you. Based on the merits, not any of this "shut up" "and you're part of the sheeple" non-sense you've been kickin. Break it down so that it will forever be broken

    1. I won't get excited but I swear you've got the MOST potential. Do you realize how much you've changed in just a few hours? And now that you're listening…

      They should work with their hands because that's what makes them powerful. It's who we are in the most primitive sense of ourselves. It's our power. We are the best thing this world has to offer but we try to follow behind someone else's idea of power.

      Entertainment is how you waste your time. Anything you do, say, see, or hear that doesn't add value to your life. Anything that quenches your spirit or natural state of power. And no. I'm not entertained. I don't think it's funny when my people are ruining their lives and wasting precious time.

      What do you think the differnce is betweensmack talk and showing someone a different perspective?

      The proof isn't in my words. The proof isn't in me saying "it works!" over the internet. The proof is solely in your spirit and motivation to do better for yourself. Don't take my word for it. Try it.

      And when we as a people try it together we will have successfully taken the world back.

      1. Here's my retort:

        "They should work with their hands because that’s what makes them powerful. It’s who we are in the most primitive sense of ourselves. It’s our power. We are the best thing this world has to offer but we try to follow behind someone else’s idea of power." – How does this give us our power? I thought it was the ability to transform vision into action that gave us power. The ability to build pyramids and open the first universities and pioneer medicine and science. Certainly all of those jobs wouldnt qualify as blue collar today. Should we abandon them?

        Why should we be our primitive selves in a world that's not positioned for that? Speaking to the economies of it all, why should we be limited to blue collar jobs? Wouldnt a more appropriate argument be to support black owned businesses? or to allow our money circulate more than once in our neighborhood? Wouldnt it be better suited, considering the economy and society that we live in, to capture as much wealth as possible as in many fields as possible and then to reinvest in our own communities? This is similar to what you were saying but a bit different. I dont think anyone on here is toiling (or at least happily doing so) in middle management.

        Do you smile? Elaborate on "Adding value". Couldnt I argue that this (or blogs like these) are adding value by promoting educated conversation amongst upwardly mobile people?

        "The proof is solely in your spirit and motivation to do better for yourself. Don’t take my word for it. Try it." – Try what exactly? Quit my job and do what? Work for myself doing what? If all black people became carpenters (I dont know what jobs you deem appropriate for us to have), who would hire us? We couldnt all hire each other.

        1. A. 'I thought it was the power to trnsform vision into action'…

          Exactly. Envision a world where black people aren't judged for being manual laborers, territorial creatures, aggressive, posessive, observant, dominant, and powerful and are free to be that.

          B. We should abandon anything having to do with the western paradigm of power and success. We're so brainwashed by media we think power = money and money = wealth. No. What makes black people wealthy are the attributes and characteristics that enable us to make a vision a reality. I'm exposing you to it but the only way to experience it is to leave your office and try it.

          C. lol. Yeah, I smile. But only when someone truly shows they love and respect themselves…or when black people act black in front of white people and aren't ashamed. Black people don't even need education, which is funny to me that we try so hard to be educated. Did you take argument 101 in school or did you just learn how I argue because you're naturally that gifted?

          D. This blog doesn't add value because most of it is perpetuating a stereotype…but you'll catch something that will point you in the right direction to value adding.

          And lastly…explore yourself. You're right. We're not the same. You have to know who you are and the only way to do that is to just be by yourself for a little bit experiencing life. Real life. The "hard knocks" life….but you have to quit your job first. It's not about business it's about building community with our own hands. We don't have to work for anyone.

        2. Black people don’t even need education, which is funny to me that we try so hard to be educated.

          ^^^Sorry, i can't get jiggy with this comment. As someone in education, education starts the moment one leaves the womb…one in a constant state of learning and in a constant state of learning, you should be improving & reaching or surpassing your potential. I love learning new things and gaining new experiences & in turn, love teaching students new things & exposing them to new experiences. School, when the best intentions are involved, can be a blessing. I don't say that as someone who is employed to work with students but i'm saying that as someone who has gained a lot from school & look to give just as much if not more to students.

    2. Oh, and words of advice! Stay focused. People will try to take away from what you feel, how much your spirit is riled up, they will say the nastiest things they can but take it as a compliment and keep at what you're doing. Even if one person hears you, you just changed a life. And because they allowed you to help them they are of the utmost quality.

      I'll see you at the finish line.

      1. Thanks for your compliment.

        My issue with many of your comments is that they seem to be focusing solely on the negative. I am from the school of thought that teaches that everyone should believe that what they feel is correct. However, that school of thought does not preclude treating people with respect. It does not preclude shunning stimulating debate. I will never agree with you (it seems that most people here are around DuBois on the fix black people scale and you're somewhere passed Booker T) but I am able to engage in a conversation with a person whose ideas differ from that of mine own. This doesnt mean that I'm not concerned with correcting the plight of the black family. I just think there's a different way of getting there. And I am pretty sure that is true for the rest of the people here. You've come and presented your ideas and have become upset that we have budged an inch but have you've budged? We are all walking testaments that our decisions regarding our own lives "work"? But does that mean they work for everyone. I ask that you treat everyone's opinions w/ the same respect that you wish to be treated with. Do not look down on anyone here or risk being knocked off of the same pedestal that you've blamed us for standing on.

        Sorry for the soliloquy

        1. lol, my dude…reign it back in. In case you haven't noticed I'm to the point. Just say what you mean from the git go.

          You're conversing with me now and trying to learn something new. My responses are encouraging and insightful. What do you think is the difference between when we first started talking and now?

        2. And trust me…when you start applying this stuff to your life you'll be thankful you had a teacher that was hard on you. You have to be tough. If you do something THIS controversial with your life it will generate A LOT of conflict. If you can survive a blunt teacher you can handle what the world will throw at you for being great.

        3. @Seven – Dont worry, no drinking kool aid here. No pierian springs here.

          Even though she's OD disrespectful and probably not the most effective salesperson of her ideas, there are some things that she says that I agree with, especially pertaining to community building. I'm trying to understand this complete shunning of the western world thing, especially as it is a severely antiquated idea and difficult one to apply IN THE WESTERN WORLD. We all make this mistake, I've done in it conversation with you and Shakeisha is most guilty of it today, is that we're making huge assumptions about people based on small portions of information.

        4. Peyso…this person has elaborated on their ideas and has suggested complete irresponsibility. My personal favorite: When faced with adversity on your job…stand up on your desk and throw papers at your boss shouting something about Black pride? What IS that? Completely irrational and reckless behavior. Not to mention the fact that they do not answer all direct questions but offer rebuttals filled with more rants of lunacy…

          I keep trying to remember this is someone's child…perhaps even someone's friend…and that I'm saved.

          πŸ™‚

  28. @Shakeisha….girl, you are hilarious. Who said, anything bad about you..I seem to recall you telling Redlady she was silly….you told me I clearly talk to much…you know us so well Shakeisha…girl, bye. LOL.

  29. @skekeisha, sooooo which is it, am I an antelope or sheep? I'm at the tattoo place now and need to know which one ito get so I never forget my place.

    1. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa now Sane you know you're supposed to be somewhere plowing a field…mowing lawns…you know? Manual labor…. not out entertaining yourself hehehehehehe

      1. Don't forget to shut up, be submisive, have kids, support your man, cook, clean.

        You shouldn't have options, you should have 1 choice (in other words no choice since there is nothing else you can choose from).

        Oh and don't marry outside your race, culture, religion etc… otherwise you marry for lust.

        Find yourself a blue collar man.

        I didn't take notes, but I am learning. Thanks

  30. Last comment before i put this topic to rest, how do you suppose rebuilding our communities w/o the social or economic capital of doing so? Quitting your job? What does that do?

    How about working whatever job you have and reinvesting whatever money you make to build your own wealth (which is not completely defined by money) and communal wealth? Money isnt the end but it definitely is a means. You havent done a great job of tying quitting your job and shunning all things western to rebuilding communities. They seem to be mutually exclusive.

  31. Thank you for this post. Much of the dating advice I've recieved all talked about catering to a man's ego (which I'm not down with because many men get their kicks hurting women). However, when I hear feelings, now we can talk because I feel like I'm hearing the real man and not some facaed that you put on for your boys or some random honey or skirt. Thanks for the insight.

  32. im mad you didnt say anything informative about the ego or a mans feelings but thank you for your wonderful insight into the male psyche. sounds like youre blogging from experience…

    because a real man blogs.

  33. Hella late and first time commenting (I think), but ego and feelings are all wrapped up together. Hurt feelings are a direct result of a bruised ego and sometimes vice versa. Either way, said person, male or female, is not happy. Women have pretty big egos, too. Well, maybe that's just me. Good post.

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