The following takes place on a Sunday after football has went off and the fellas have bounced from the crib:
Stanley: Hey, so I wanted to talk to you about last week.
Stanley: Well, it took me a few days. But why did I find out from a friend that you went to Vince’s party?
Natasha: Well, that wasn’t my plan, We ended up there because that other party was wack.
Stanley: I mean I understand, but we both know you and him had a pretty extensive history. I’d think you’d trust I wouldn’t OD in my reaction…
Natasha: Nothing happened and there’s nothing to worry about. I’m sorry, but you need to get over this ego thing.
Stanley: It’s not about my ego!
Natasha: Then what’s it about boo?
Stanley: It’s about my feelings!
Everything with men isn’t about stroking his jawn ego, which is different than considering his feelings. In the scenario above, Stan the Man was bothered because his girl wasn’t confident in his ability to handle her whereabouts when it came to her being at a party of an ex-acquaintance of hers. This type of conversation shows up in relationships all the time, but with different topics. Men end up feeling hurt, which usually shows itself as anger, and a lot of times women assume it to be a matter of ego as opposed to the man just having feelings like anyone else. Of course this is just my experience, so maybe some folks will disagree. Let me go a little bit further with a few examples to differentiate between ego issues and feelings issues:
- Sighing in bed after your man blasted off and snatching away the covers in disappointment: Ego. Most things relating to the part that makes a man a man will always be about the ego.
- Telling him he’s no better than the last man she dated: Feelings. If the dude has been sacrificing and putting in effort to make you happy and you shoot it down, he’s going to feel some type of way and perhaps question himself. It’s not about ego. Making someone happy, which is an emotion, hit the feelings level. If you drew a picture for your parent(s) in kindergarten and they told you it was sh*tty artwork, you’d be scarred for life. Extreme example, but you get my drift.
- Staring at Idris or T.I. and drooling because they’re in the same restaurant: Ego. Anything pertaining to the appearance of another man compared to oneself will touch the ego.
- Getting caught cheating: Ego and Feelings. Women may be more emotional, but if you wanna see the most emotional reaction from us then go ahead and let another man put the piece up in there.
- Not making sure him and the fellas are comfy on football Sunday: Feelings.
Now I can admit that I’m slightly more of an ego monster than the typical male. And when I say ego, I don’t mean dripping with cockiness or arrogance. I just mean that I take manliness very seriously and any violations of such in the form of disrespect or other are worthy of at least a slight reaction. In the process of fighting the Holy War dating, I’ve had women misinterpret why I was upset and chalk it up to ego, which means I’m just being a dude as opposed to I’m just being a person that has feelings like anybody else. So ladies, even if you are dating the manliest of men, understand he may be just as prone to having his feelings hurt as you…except he probably won’t call his boys and sit on the phone for an hour talking about it.
So what do you think when it comes to man’s ego vs. his feelings? Are they really the same thing? How about a woman’s ego (yep, y’all got ’em) vs. feelings? How do you or your friends react when ego or feelings violations occur? Anything else? Yeah, that too.