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Let it burn

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Let It Burn. No Usher

******** ADMIN NOTE ***********************

#1 Today I step aside to allow for another guest post! So sit back, relax, and enjoy the smooth typings of the kid Tunde! Great blogging perspective on this one!

#2 please download my bro @DrJayJack new eBook Free Ass Laundry – The Dr. J mixtape http://bit.ly/D4Z03 Our very own Dr J gave a compilation of some of his early work for your reading consumption. Don’t be shy, there will be a main course coming soon! [||]

Thanks,

– Streetz the O.G.: Original Guido

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Burning your bridgespermanently and unpleasantly end your relationship with a person or organization.

Growing up my mom used to always tell me to burn as few bridges as possible. She used to say: “You never know when you may need a person and when they may need you.” I never really grasped the concept of what she was saying until I became an adult. While there may be all types of bridges that you can burn I wanted to discuss two in detail:

Burning Bridges with Friends

As I’ve stated in a recent blog post, I’m re-evaluating all the relationships in my life. Some people won’t like where they end up at the end of my reflection. Depending on your personality type or how much you value certain friendships, you might be willing to let certain things slide. If I call you my friend then I mean it. I don’t throw that word around all willy nilly. It would take a lot for me to disown and turn my back on a friend. Now acquaintances I have very little patience for these people. It doesn’t take much for me to grab my can of gasoline and my lighter.

See Also:  The Art of Baselining

*We’re supposed to be boys but you tried to holla at almost every chick that I used to deal with or seems like they are in interested in me* ex-communicative.

*You left me at the club to take home this chick you know you have no chance to getting at and I rode with you.* reticent

For some reason I can’t think of any reason why I would have a fall out with any of my friends who have two x chromosomes.

Burning Bridges during Relationships

Now this is how most bridges get burned when it comes to dealing with me. Yes I’ve only been in 4 actual relationships in my short time on Earth but for the sake of argument let’s group women I’ve actually dated into this. When more in depth feelings are involved and said feelings get hurt, bruised or damaged the natural tendency is to want nothing to do with the person who brought you such pain. I find it so much easier not to deal with people who fall into this category. I mean walking by acting as if you don’t exist. “Don’t take my heart for granted and don’t take my heart and strand it. Don’t turn my love to hate, put back in it what you take or I will break you down.” Yes I quoted Terius Youngdell Nash. Despite his overall corniness, dude makes hits and makes sense occasionally. Where was I? Oh yeah.

See Also:  Her Mouth, Not Ours: Top 5 Reasons You’re Not Dating

*You cheated on me but tried everything in your power to make it seem like I was doing dirt because of your guilty conscious.* abhorrence

*You told me that was my kid until my mom made me get a paternity test because everyone said that baby didn’t look like me. Then I found it was your ex-boyfriend’s* disdain

I really can’t for sure what combination of actions with what relationships would cause burned bridges. I’m pretty sure I’ve burned quite a few bridges with people that were once a part of my life but I try not to cry over spilled milk.

Have you burned any bridges? What are some things a person can do to you to make you not want to deal with them anymore?

If you want to check out my blog where I post my randomness hit me here or you can follow me on twitter.

Comment(61)

  1. If I call you my friend then I mean it. I don’t throw that word around all willy nilly.

    ^^^I'm the same!

    Have you burned any bridges?

    ^^^Yes, i don't feel a sense of loss, it was a necessary evil!

    What are some things a person can do to you to make you not want to deal with them anymore?

    -Called someone i care about out their name. You don't eff w/ my people!

    -They back stabbed me in some way, shape or form (or started a rumor that they knew wasn't true but wanted to eff my ish up).

    -They weren't there for me like i was for them…i need reciprocal friendships.

    Great post!

  2. For the past couple of posts I have attempted to catch up on the "Shekeisha syndrome". Suffice to say the comment from Hugh Jazz (Auntie Ruckus) has me crying because of the abdominal pain from laughing so much. I lurk and never comment but the incident combined with the comment and the fact that I just got on to Boondocks brought me out of Lurkerville…only for a moment though…..yall just keep it up!

  3. Hey Tunde!

    I believe some bridges should be burned like the one Shakeisha came across on yesterday's blog (yes I said it). If a person's only goal is to impart negativity and insult…them burn baby burn…as for friends, it depends on what they have done, if I've been betrayed then you can go to the left…..I will burn the bridge down and scatter the ashes over your dead body (j/k) …but, I have no problem with releasing negative people from my life……sometimes its necessary…and its for your/my own good.

    Good post.

  4. What are some things a person can do to you to make you not want to deal with them anymore?

    -Ignoring me. If I tell you that I don't like it when you do or say X,Y,Z…and you continue to do it….I'll cut you off quick fast

    -Being an energy leech. People who just drain the life out of you with their negativity and drama.

    -Not keep your word

    That's all for now

    1. i had a friend who was an energy leech. always fighting in the club. always beef with some dude or girl. thing was he thrived off it and always wanted to drag me into his mess. i got real busy real quick. "naw man can't even make it out tonight. i gotta study." knowing damn well i was at the house pre-gaming to head to a different spot.

      1. Yeah, I can't deal with that. I'm an empathitic person, and when people vent to me…sometimes I absorb it and feel how they are feeling. Some people ALWAYS got some ish going on and I just can't rock with them. It's emotionally draining.

  5. I can recall burning one bridge in my life. It was during my younger…much less evolved years. Everyone has their demons and one of mine was my quick-to-snatch-you-up temper. Well…long story short I was on my job and it was a team environment. If one failed we all failed sort of situation. Another demon of mine was/is I detest lazy people…especially if your laziness is directly impacting my well being. Ok…so there was a co-worker that was not pulling her weight one evening (as most evenings) and I snapped. I completely snapped to the point where I was demanding we take it outside. Nostrils flaring…cussin' and carrying on…another co-worker jumped in it…she got hers too. Just pure ignorance going on. Uhhmmm, needless to say that was the end of that job. Bridge was incinerated. As it should've been. Back then, like I said I was less evolved 🙂 and quick to snatch a nigglette up. Fortunately, for the sake of society and my future, I grew up.

  6. – when someone puts you down to make themselves seem less flawed.

    – when someone is a taker and never gives back. some people will suck you dry if you allow them. I stay away from these people.

    i have burned plenty of necessary bridges, my circle remains tight and small. I am happy with that.

  7. The-Dream's middle name is Youngdell? LMAO. I had to wiki that one just to make sure it was true. I live in Atlanta and if I ever run into him, I'm cracking jokes until he calls his bodyguards.

    Youngdell??? what kind of f**kery is that? I bought all his albums though lol.

    ok, seriously though….

    idk if i burn bridges, i just stop talking to ppl…abruptly. i play the "delete game" in my phone book and in life early and often. i'm a minimalist, what can i say…

    i "enlighten" ppl of their transgression the first time i see it and will bring it up again if i see a pattern. after those warnings i see no point in more reminders, you obviously weren't listening the 1st – 5th times #kanyeshrug

  8. Burn bridges? How about incinerate? lol.

    2 bridges have been burned this year alone. 4 have probably been burned in my life.

    Things I don't stand for:

    – Cheating

    – Lying directly to my face repeatedly

    – Men pillow talking to women about other male friends' business.

    Once you get me to that point (pause), I want nothing to do with you.

  9. I don't burn too many bridges more than I close them down for repairs. There aren't too many instances where people have done things in my life that were unforgivable, so I'm willing to give second chances.

    It takes a lot for me to completely sever a relationship. I'm generally a loyal and nice person, and I have a pretty small circle of friends and family that I allow to get close to me. I have a lot of people who I would consider acquaintances, so if they do something out of left field, it's not a big deal to just not deal with them anymore. Those acquaintances are people whose bridges to me are just old, deteriorated rope bridges with wood planks. It's not so much that those bridges “burn down” than they just fall apart. It's those close friends and family whose bridges are multi-span, multi-lane, US Interstate, steel truss bridges that form solid relationships that hurt you a lot more and it means something to burn those bridges down. I've only had to burn two bridges in my life. Without getting in too many details of my personal life, those bridges needed to be cremated.

    Speaking of bridges, I need to actually get some work done today.

  10. Good post per your usual Toonz.. Sounds like your mom and my mom had similar teaching points. I was always told: "don't stomp on people helping to lift u up because if u hurt em they month not be around to catch u if u happen to fall down.". I pride myself in living that. I challenge any truthful person who knows me to beg to differ!

    What are my bridge burners?

    Liars liars liars liars…do not lie to me! Imma big girl- tell me the truth.. Allow me to respect you for the truth! Don't make me have to eliminate u from the joy that is my life!!! (lol)

    Don't not respond to me. If I contact u… I need u to respond… Even if its a "bitch fuck off" (lol) I can handle that better than nothing!

    Don't play with my emotions… I'm passionately involved…when I'm involved in what ever (or whom ever) it is I'm involved with… Don't try to make me think one way when it's actually something else…I guess this goes back to the liars bit!

    Don't fuckz wit me money or my babies…(my babies= all my fam younger than me). This weeknalone I've burned two bridges over my money and as nice as I am, I hope the two culprits were standing on the bridge when I blew that MF'er up! Lol lol

    ….that shall be all

    1. "Don’t not respond to me. If I contact u… I need u to respond… Even if its a “bitch fuck off” (lol) I can handle that better than nothing!"

      i meant to text you back last night by the way. lol

  11. I'm like hugh- it takes a lot for me to burn a bridge but when I do I will set that motha effa a flame!

    I've done it twice in my life… one for someone who lied in order to bring my life down b/c they were unhappy. The other time it was because a person was literally toxic to my life.

    I don't regret either one.

  12. Sometimes a bridge must be burned. I had to do it with exes, although they just catch flights over the chasm, smh.

    I just dont tolerate unloyal shyt. Im not perfect, and may have done questionable things friendship wise as we all have, but outright shadiness where I cant trust you is where I draw the line.

    I also cant do the whole "everywhere we go we fight:" sht. Im not trying to lose my life for stupidity, like ive seen with other friends. At least I try you know?

    Good post dude

  13. I'm not really one to burn bridges, even when I probably should. If someone in my life moves left one too many times, I tend to just constructively remove them from my life. I stop reaching out, I become more difficult to reach, and I'm not extending myself in any way to maintain their presence in my life.

    I tend to let people in to my life quickly and easily with very little expectation so if they mess up or cross me it's usually not a surprise and I'm usually not attached enough to them to make a big deal about it.

    For me to actually cut someone out of my life I have to have really, really cared about them and been really, really hurt by whatever they did.

  14. With my history of letting far to much go down before I cut a person off, and even then still remaining so-so with that person, I don't think I can say much about burning bridges.

    In fact, I don't think any bridge I've "burned" couldn't be rebuilt. Those things that people normally burn bridges for (like your examples) are things that my own siblings have done/do, so it almost makes less of an impact if someone else were to do it. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but there it is.

  15. I think sometimes we hold the word "friend" too high. That's my personal opinion, don't reply to my comment and tell me why you don't. That's cool with me, I understand that. I put out in the atmosphere, that which I hope to get back. And therefore, if we have met, and you have done no wrong to me, I consider you a friend. I consider you all friends.

    With that said, on the flip side I manage expectations. I have some friends that I know I can only deal with on the basis of our social life. I manage expectations and don't expect anything more than that. I also, have some friends that I don't tell ish to, I don't plan to ever confide in them.

    WITH THAT SAID, this year has been a challenging one for me because of so many accomplishments i've had to reevaluate my circle of friends. I found that one thing your friends should do is congratulate your successes, or at least not hate on it. I burned bridges with those friends who required too much maintenance and weren't doing anything but holding me back. And i'll give perfect examples of this…

    her: Yo, i'm reading your boy Dr. J's blog, and this ish is hilarious.

    alleged friend: I don't read that sh*t, that n*gga is wack. Read my blog.

    emotional old friend: Man, how come when you go out, you don't never hit me up? Now that you at a table, you don't remember nobody. How you walking in, but i'm still standing in line? If the liquor is free, how come you hogging it all?

    (These the friends that you got to watch out for, when you get on, they feel like WE got put on. In addition, you ever noticed this be the friend that you told what you were planning to do from jump and he didn't want to do it.)

    (Greek sidebar: THIS is also your boy that you went to before you decided to pledge and was like, "I think this is a good look and we should do this." They like, "Nah it's wack." Then like a year later, they are trying to get in your house party and you like, "OK so here's the thing…" They then go around telling everyone on campus you changed. #DontHateMeCauseICanStrollnStep)

    her: [politely reading Dr. J's Free A*s Laundry mixtape]

    hater a$s friend: Stop reading that ish! How come everytime I come in here, you reading and quoting some Dr. J knowledge. I know the noodle and let me tell you, he ain't ish.

    I burned all those bridges with ether.

    You know the late great Pimp C said, "What these n*ggas shoulda been tryin' to do was tryin' to get close to the nigga, and get some understandin' about the type of game."

    PS – Everytime I think about burning something, consequently I think about blonde white women with large breasts. Something about me just wants to know what John Mayer was talking about when he said, "Sexual Napalm."

    1. her: Yo, i’m reading your boy Dr. J’s blog, and this ish is hilarious.

      alleged friend: I don’t read that sh*t, that n*gga is wack. Read my blog.

      -replace blog with anything else and i had a friend like that.

  16. I have a big heart so you REALLY have to phuc me over to make me cut you loose. I am the kinda person who will give you the shirt and bra off her back and stand naked and vulnerable for someone I really love. I am friends will all of my exs except for one and I truly believe in amicable endings.

    I have only burned two bridges with people in my life. When I learn you have intentionally used me or maliciously lied to me then I torch the bridge. I am interested to see how many women will say they have burned bridges because I feel we tend to be more forgiving.

  17. Like most Scorpios, I have a pretty fiery independent streak. And if you cross me badly enough, the next day you simply don't exist. I can't think of anyone I "need" badly enough in my life that I'd continue any type of relationship with that constantly rained on my parade [includes family too].

    If you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the problem [INSERT WITTY 99 PROBLEMS JOKE HERE].

        1. lawd yes…all three are some hot messes when riled up. I was in a relationship with a Sag…and when we disagreed…good lord that was AWFUL

          long live Taurus. hehehehehe

        2. I'm a Sag…but, my brother is a Scorpio and that boi will cut you off with the quicks….he dated a girl for nine long years..and they broke up..and I think it was a nasty break behind the scenes…if I even think to ask about her…he acts like he has no idea who I am talking about….lol. Scorps are good for that.

      1. TRUTH!!!!!

        Because we Don't easily Forgive and We Definitely Don't Forget EVER!! We'll just parlay in the background waiting for our turn to Sting yo azz no matter how long it takes — Weeks, Months even Years…..

        This is why I am extremly careful who I call "Friend" and who I let into my tiny circle and those who are have been so at least 5 years or more. I am this way with family members too cuz Lawd knows sometimes they pull some grimey mess as well and think just cause we FAMILY I'm supposed to suck it up/let it ride and build a bridge and get over it. I Can't & I Won't

        1. Scorpios are vicious. I can stop talkin to someone for years and not miss a beat. You just no longer exist to me. Like a ghost I refuse to acknowledge.

        2. Yaaaaay LaBakir! Taurus…that's what's up!!!

          I do lub me some Scorpio's tho'…alright alright…I just lub the sexual chemistry. lmao *sigh* I digress

  18. I'm not a bridge burner typically. I do believe in being cordial to people in case I may need em or their resources one day. lol

    I'm not a grudge holder either so pretty much unless you did something absolutely crazy to me (which really doesnt' happen often) I can forgive you and we can part ways but still not have any deep animosity. It may take time but I really don't have anyone I've let go and been like good riddance you can't even breathe in my presence now. I guess I've been lucky.

    1. "I’m not a grudge holder either so pretty much unless you did something absolutely crazy to me (which really doesnt’ happen often) I can forgive you and we can part ways but still not have any deep animosity"

      Cosign. I feel like holding a grudge will allow bitterness to brew.

  19. Great Post Boo!!!!

    Have we addressed the issue of being too quick to burn bridges though?

    I ask because, despite my best efforts, I really can't seem to build of my resource of patience. Every person has one time to eff me over and then it's time to burn a bridge.

    However, I will admit that this mentality has come back to bite me in the ass…but I still think I'm better off mentally and emotionally for having a eff-a-3-strike-1-and-you're-done rule.

    What do you guys think? Is it better to be quick to burn bridges or slow to do so?

    1. i'm a very gullible and trustworthy person so i always try to see the best in people so i'm slow to burn bridges. on the flip side i'm like my mother in that when i decide i'm going to cut you off it's like a light switch. i don't think one way is better than the other. it probably depends on the situation.

      1. @Tunde

        I feel you. I always try to see the best in people…well most of the time,lol. Which is why when I'm done, I'm done. Especially if you made me look like a [email protected] fool. People get the shock of their life once they see how easy it is for me to cut them off after they've violated my good nature,lol

        1. Tired of doing that so I assume the worst now (as of today lmao) and look forward to being proved otherwise. Nice gals and guys finish. I just don't know when anymore.

  20. Burning bridges isn’t something I have really ever thought about, until now. I have burned two bridges with so called “friends” in the past. These two were the extreme cases where the behavior was inexcusable! I will not tolerate ANYONE who betrays me, lies to my face about said betrayal and tries to sabotage (blackball) my good name. Yes, I burned those bridges and I wiped those people from my life completely. You’re my friend until you cross me. It really hurt to cut those people out of my life, however it’s not something I regret.

    1. Agreed

      I had to do this once a few years back as well and it hurt like hell for awhile but NOW that person is a total stranger to me I see them (human form/visually) BUT I really don't (in my mind). *shrugs*

  21. Good post Tunde.

    Friends:

    I don't burn these bridges, I just demote down to an acquaintance. I stop talking to you, except for a random "ILike" on FB, or something like that.And if we ever happen to be somewhere together, I'll speak and keep it moving. There are people who were acquaintances who I no longer speak to, follow on twitter, and deleted on FB, but that's because they were never friends in the first place, and as soon as they step that toe across that line, I'm finished.

    Exes:

    I've had to burn bridges for my sanity and emotional well-being. When things don't end well, whether its cheatingm lying, disloyalty, etc., think the best thing to do is to completely end all connections to that person. Its the best thing for you to do.

  22. I don’t usually burn bridges. I think Im too nice/naive for that. I usually just ignore nd distance myself from them.

    I did burn one bridge recently. It had to be done. He used to be very close to me. Until I opened my eyes and noticed all the douchebaggyness. He was full of himself nd full of shih tzu.

    That’s one thing I can’t stand. Arrogance

  23. What are some things that will make me wanna stop dealing with people?

    – Ignore me and act like what I have to say is never relevant. putting me off every single time and then having a reason.. JUSTIFYING the rude behavior.

    – Lying to my face. And I don’t know it’s a lie (yet). But that sh!t will fxck up my whole day once I do know and they continue.

    – Betrayal. The betrayal of a friend is one of those things I cannot forgive [right away]. It’s happened and I just forgave the person. Took a year, and I don’t talk to him anymore. I call people my friend and take that seriously. If you’re not my friend, I’ll simply call you “someone I know” or “Someone I don’t really fxck with like that”. So betrayal? Yeah.. one of those things..

    – Dishonest & untrustworthy people. Oh! If there’s one thing I CANNOT tolerate it’s the people who lose my trust and then try to get close. Like get the fxck back. You messed up. The person I let go was also the one that betrayed me.

    Blantant disregarding and neglect, lying, betrayal, dishonesty, untrustworthiness, all of that… Hmph..

  24. *lurker here-waves* i love this blog, esp the comments section. I'm one of those ppl who doesn't burn bridges easily. Normally I just fade to black,unless you've played me foul. Then my thirst for revenge needs quenching,esp for ppl i consider friends. You can't choose your fam,but you can choose friends . Like someone mentioned up thread, I will burn the bridge down with them on it. As for exes,at times it gets to a point where I'm too lazy to even care *kanyeshrug*. Or I get all Taylor Swift *passive aggressive*.

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