Home Men Her: Do All Men Cheat?… Him: Define cheating

Her: Do All Men Cheat?… Him: Define cheating

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Tiger Woods is not only a client, he's the player president.

A lot of men see cheating like this; do you remember college and how you paid for it?  Let’s take that for example, let’s say tuition was $10,000, and you got financial aid for $7,500.  How did you get the remaining $2,500?  Anyway you could!  And there was nothing wrong with that.  That’s basically how men view cheating.  They typically are going out there to fill a gap.  (Be advised, this gap may just be, thrill and adventure.)

Do all men cheat?  The short answer is, well, most do.  There are tons of articles out on the Internet everyday about why men cheat, and how all men are dogs, and that it’s easy to assume that every man cheats.  I’ll save you the time of reading them and I will tell you that there are men who do NOT cheat, yes, there are a few men who do NOT cheat, lol.  But, here’s the real reason why men cheat…

…because they can.



The harsh reality of it is, men cheat a lot.  Society enables us to cheat, and we feel obliged.  It would be one thing if a man had to work really hard to cheat, but because women are bat sh*t crazy they don’t.  Women will knowingly sleep with married men or men in relationships because to them there aren’t any real ties.  Women sometimes prefer ignorance over knowledge when it comes to men.  They make it too easy for a guy.  When a guy says, “let’s keep this on the low” there should be a neon sign that goes off in your head that says, “GIRLFRIEND, GIRLFRIEND, GIRLFRIEND.”  If he won’t introduce you to his friends, or let you come over to his place (or spend the night), or if you notice that he’s always fresh out of protection, he’s cheating on you, or you aren’t the main chick.  However, women turn a blind eye to this behavior.

See Also:  Why Being A "Messy" Man Is A Bad Look

In addition, there’s something about having the power to have anything you want when you want it.  Have you seen that State Farm commercial when the guy yells out, “AND CAN I GET A HOT TUB?!” and it magically appears.  Men love to be able to have on-demand wishes.  There’s nothing like seeing just how far a woman will let you go.  How many times can I shade her when I see her in public?  How many times can I ignore her texts?  How many times can I tell all my peoples I don’t know who she is?  And then, text her at 2:30AM and say, “come thru” and she breaks her neck to drive over wasted from the club.

And sometimes, men are missing something at home and seek to obtain it elsewhere.  (<– Weak excuse.)  If you’re significant other isn’t producing at home, then you need to let them know.  But I mean, maybe a guy just wants to say some dirty things to the woman he’s having sex with.  But he doesn’t want to call his wife, “b*tch” or “sl*t.”  Maybe he’s not getting “serviced” regularly and keeps the company of a side piece who has an oral fixation.  I’ll give you scenario from our previous example, if you end up going to a school you can afford, for instance, Howard instead of Harvard.  You can’t be mad that you can’t register for classes online.  You get what you pay for.

See Also:  Mr. Cee and Black Male Sexuality

To be honest with you, if you want to keep a man from cheating, you might just have to take away his ability to cheat.  And a lot of women do this very well.  I had a boy who got caught cheating on his ex-girlfriend, by his current girlfriend and he got in trouble for it.  She basically found out through the grapevine that he cheated on his ex.  Do you know what she did?  She made him give her all of his passwords: voicemail, facebook, gmail, AIM, etc.  And when he goes out at night he has to call every 30 seconds, I mean minutes, to check-in.  I guess this is why Chris Rock says when you get caught cheating break up with the girl.  A few years later go by and he chose to marry this girl.  Would you believe me when I tell you, I was at this guy’s bachelor party and he had the perfect opportunity to cheat and he DIDN’T?  He was like an unfenced cow, all that grass in front of him and he didn’t do anything.

I wonder sometimes, that if you have to go through such great lengths to keep a man from cheating, is he worth it?

Before I go, a word about the men who do not cheat.  There are men out there who do not cheat.  People, men or women who say it’s in our nature, are less than human.  It is not in our nature.  That’s what makes us different than animals, the ability to not submit to our instincts.  There are men out there who have grown up.  They want wives and children and they want those relationships to grow in a healthy and fulfilling manner.  They appreciate and respect the challenge of being faithful and the rewards it brings.  The comfort of being able to trust your partner and exhibit self-control.

See Also:  Deny Everything

Sometimes women excuse men’s behavior on thinking with their wayward regions, that’s a cop out.  Every thought goes through your brain.  Every single thought.  If you put the baddest supermodel in the world in front of me and told me she had HIV, I’d go LIMP immediately.  While most men do cheat, there are several of us, who think things through and think about what we really want out of life.  Besides, if cheating was natural, then it wouldn’t be called cheating.

Please download my new eBook Free Ass Laundry – The Dr. J mixtape http://bit.ly/D4Z03, I have put together a compilation of some of the best of the best.  If you are a new reader this is probably all new stuff to you, and if you are a faithful reader this is a friendly reminder.

Comment(88)

  1. However, women turn a blind eye to this behavior.

    ^^^I think part of that is desperation. Some feel that they won't be able to find someone of their own so they will just take what they can get. Others just don't give a f*ck and quite possibly are doing it themselves. In the end, everyone's reasons are different as to why they turn the other cheek. Human behavior is so confusing!

    Great post!

  2. Dr. J, this was a superfab post. I loved it and you echo the same words and sentiments that a very wonderful male friend of mine tells me…he, like you I imagine, is a casanova and tells me alot about male behavior…some of it is scary but it is good to be forewarned and all that! Anyway, I esp love the last 2 paragraphs of your post…you are right, for some men, fidelity and being faithful are important and they value that above having something dirty on the side. A real man is a faithful man.

  3. In the Military….cheating is basically a way of life…for I would say 98% of us…you go on a deployment to somewhere like Cuba for 12 months, you go on a 6 month ship deployment halfway around the world and back…we all know whats going down. but in the case of the military, the women are just as bad as the men. they hide it waaaaaaaaaaaay better but its the same thing. its almost just an accepted way of life. sad actually.

    I do believe in fidelity…I beleive in fidelity for a few reasons…because Im not a slave to my penis, I hold myself to what I would think to be a higher standard, and I would hate to have to face the woman that Im investing my life in in shame…maybe Im not primative enough…lol. I have a cousin that cheats on all of his SO's, and at the end of the day, he got nothing to show for it. cheating was cool and fly when you was like…18, now….im like "you still doin the thang huh"? I almost pity some people that do they sidepiece thang…some people I understand why they do it. dont make it right…but you know…mitigating factors and what not.

    and the other reason that I believe in fidelity is this…I truly believe in kharma, one hand washing the other, what you put into the universe will come back on you, and never in a manner that will be blase to you. best friend of mine cheated on his girl…girl finds out, she doesnt say anything…she screws his buddy from work. OUCH. vagina….as much as i love how it look, tastes, and feels…I cant see myself breaking up something beautiful (kids, wife, etc) over it. some games aint worth playin. but I'll watch you play…Ill just be in the bleachers.

  4. In the Military….cheating is basically a way of life…for I would say 98% of us…you go on a deployment to somewhere like Cuba for 12 months, you go on a 6 month ship deployment halfway around the world and back…we all know whats going down. but in the case of the military, the women are just as bad as the men. they hide it waaaaaaaaaaaay better but its the same thing. its almost just an accepted way of life. sad actually.

    I do believe in fidelity…I beleive in fidelity for a few reasons…because Im not a slave to my "situation", I hold myself to what I would think to be a higher standard, and I would hate to have to face the woman that Im investing my life in in shame…maybe Im not primative enough…lol. I have a cousin that cheats on all of his SO’s, and at the end of the day, he got nothing to show for it. cheating was cool and fly when you was like…18, now….im like “you still doin the thang huh”? I almost pity some people that do they sidepiece thang…some people I understand why they do it. dont make it right…but you know…mitigating factors and what not.

    and the other reason that I believe in fidelity is this…I truly believe in kharma, one hand washing the other, what you put into the universe will come back on you, and never in a manner that will be blase to you. best friend of mine cheated on his girl…girl finds out, she doesnt say anything…she screws his buddy from work. OUCH. vag….as much as i love how it look, tastes, and feels…I cant see myself breaking up something beautiful (kids, wife, etc) over it. some games aint worth playin. but I’ll watch you play…Ill just be in the bleachers.

  5. Well, I already knew this…lol.

    I will say..the because we can excuse..is a cop out. Sure, women may make it easy..but, why are you putting it on the woman…show some self control, use your own better judgement..stop being led around by your genitalia all the time….and stop being so selfish. Is this really too much to ask for?

    All that getting your passwords to every known communication device…I'm not going to do all that. I'm just not. If I have to do that..that's called DISTRUST and that is not a foundation for a healthy relationship…if you are going to forgive past transgressions..then just forgive it and move on into a place of trust again..if you can. If you can't then you probably should just call the whole thing off.

    I do appreciate the men out there who make a constant choice everyday not to cheat..because it is a choice…it's a battle, if you will…temptation is all around us…but, for those who are trying to do the right thing by someone….good for you.

    1. i co-sign the password thing. In my experience having passwords prevents nothing. Besides keeping a man on a tight leash is unhealthy imho but if it works for u and yours with no added friction then kudos.

      My ex gave me all his passwords…I look back now and I think it could have been a reverse psychology thing (because it led me to believe that he’d always choose to be open and honest). i didn’t ask him for any of them but he’d call me to do things for him if he couldn’t get unto them himself which meant I needed access to his various e-mails, banking accounts & social cyber accounts. Eventually I had all his passwords.

      Funny thing was i never cared to use them to spy on him cos I loved him. To do so would have been like betraying HIS trust.

      He still cheated tho *pauses and then berates herself for not clearing out his bank accounts*

    2. Thats what I thought. The just because is a cop out but being a man I know its somewhat true.

      I've done my fair share of cheating and it was never to fill some emotional or physical gap it was…just because. Just because I had the opportunity and made the wrong decision.

      But no, all men do not cheat. And the belief of once a cheater always a cheater is bull like most other nonsense. Plenty of men turn away from cheating at some point in their life. Some sooner, some later.

  6. "I do believe in fidelity…I beleive in fidelity for a few reasons…because Im not a slave to my “situation”, I hold myself to what I would think to be a higher standard, and I would hate to have to face the woman that Im investing my life in in shame…maybe Im not primative enough…lol."

    That.right.there..

    Great post..

  7. ‘People, men or women who say it’s in our nature, are less than human. It is not in our nature. That’s what makes us different than animals, the ability to not submit to our instincts. ‘

    ‘…Besides, if cheating was natural, then it wouldn’t be called cheating.’

    ——————————————————————————-

    *claps* I totally co-sign both these statements.

    Cheating is a choice. A selfish choice to satisfy a primal need, that’s why it’s wrapped up in secrecy and lies.

    This post reinforces what a close a male friend of mine told me. Men cheat becos they can. dr j is right to say that it’s tolerated cos it’s been condoned by society for an age… a possible by-product of the fact that society and religion used to permit multiple partners perhaps?…i dunno but at least back then men did their sh*t openly.

    Consider this…my african tribe still recognises polygamy…I know women who’d rather their husband just cheat on them than for him to decide to take up his new fancy woman as his 2nd, 3rd etc wife…it's a lesser evil for them…they’re always like at least he only cheated and didnt bring another woman into our married life. i just look at them confused cos I’m like…er… he did.

  8. Monogamy is a pretty recent occurence, and all through human history, Men have taken many wives (as much as they could afford and provide) and it was the norm. So the sex didn't stop, just pushed underground.

    Lets stop with the men cheat b/c they can nonsense. iCan jump off a bridge, iCan talk back to my momma,iCan run nekkid in my office, but it doesn't mean I will. PEOPLE cheat because they want to.

    And Men are not cheating with themselves, they are cheating with WOMEN. Any guy here w/ experience can tell you how many boos, girlfriends, wives and babymommas they have infiltrated. It takes two (three if ya nasty) to tango.

      1. Dr.J please don't compare Slavery and Marriage, t

        Slavery is the possesion of a person against their will, whereby one person has absolute power over another and controls his life, liberty, and fortune.

        Monogamy is the choice of having a single sexual partner at a time.

        1. Slow down tanto, I didn't compare Slavery and Monogamy… My point was to say that just because marriage is a fairly recent thing, doesn't mean that polygamy was right. Humans have always made mistakes and continue to learn how to correct them throughout time.

  9. *standing ovation*

    Thank you for this! It's sad that some women still believe that men cheat cuz it's wired into thgeir brain.

    Dunno if anyone saw a particular larry king special a while ago on Infidelity where a so called pyschologist or something pointed out that all men have the potential to cheat, and its cuz they can't help it! B.S, everyone may have the potential but we all can help it

    When I read this post earlier, I quoted some bits on twitter and some people replied that oh all men cheat and maybe some don't get caught that's why we think they don't cheat.

    It's sad that we live in an environment that has made it acceptable. I've been with men that I know don't cheat and never cheated on me.

    There are men out there who don't and so thank you for this post and reminder

    And like someone said above, women who think its acceptable and make excuses for it only do so cuz they are scared of being alone and having to look for a new man

  10. As much as people want to believe monogamy is normal…I don't think it is for men.

    I don't believe all men cheat. But I think the #1 reason is probably just for sex. Your girl doesn't do oral or anal or won't let you do whatever freaky thing you like. You might be able to deal for a few years but eventually you want that thing you want and you get it.

    Also, men spend most of their young life being rejected by females for being broke, stupid and not having a good sex game. But then when you get older and your money is right, you're wise and know what you doin in the bedroom you suddenly become attractive to women. Some men just don't know how to deal with that.

    And I don't care how faithful you are, effin the same person for years and years get's old.

    Final reason men cheat is that we believe the women is cheating. That's the reason I have cheated. If a man really wants to be faithful to his girl he will be. I maintained for a long time. But if a man comes to believe his women is cheating…..he will start to step out.

    1. Can't follow you on this one J.

      If a man thinks a woman is cheating, he deads her. Men dead women for having male friends that they don't like. If you think you're woman is cheating, you done something wrong along the way.

  11. this.right.here… is de.pressing.

    I really wish that everyone could be grown and not cheat. I'd much rather my man break up with me and act a fool over straight embarrassing me and disrespecting our relationship.

    I expect that someone who is dating me is dating not for the constant (and amazing) cheeks but because he's interested in seeing if I could be a life partner for him. If you aren't grown enough to do that without cheating then you're not grown enough to be in a committed relationship.

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  13. Great post!

    But having the passwords to everything including your mommas debit card still doesn't stop some men and women from cheating.

  14. I’ll give you scenario from our

    previous example, if you end up going to a school you can afford, for instance, Howard instead of Harvard.  You can’t be mad that you can’t register for classes online. You get what you pay for.

    *************

    Heh. When I was at FAMU undergrad (c/o 2007) I could register online. When I was at Harvard Divinity School they made me (us) fill out a paper registration card that the advisor had to sign.

  15. Good Post.

    I think one item lost is the double standard that its on men and men alone. Women play just as much of a pivotal role in this cheating. So much enabling, so amny women out there that nowadays dont give an eff, there are just a smuch women out there hoeing on their boyfriends, but when we do it its bec we're dogs? I dont know.

    Never condoned cheating though. Dont want that ish comin back to me!

    1. "Women play just as much of a pivotal role in this cheating. So much enabling, so many women out there that nowadays dont give an eff"

      Streetz I am not trying to get all Bonquisha in your face about this BUT enabling is always a cop out to me. I know you said you don't condone cheating but correct me if I am wrong your statement sounded like that you understand why men do it because their women "enable them". Who cares if they are enabled? A good man will not cheat on his woman even if he knows that she will forgive him, right?

      1. BP

        EFF YOU!

        Just playin

        Seriously, I couldnt articulate my point well enough. What I meant to say was that these same issues are wrong but do apply to women as well. You shouldnt succumb to enablement, but enabling a cheater is just as bad.

        If my boy is alcoholic Im not bringing him to the CocoLoso open bar

        If my boy is a weed head we wont go see Half Baked.

        Thats all Im sayin

        C/s ur reply

        1. EFF me? But it's not Friday yet…I kid, I joke.

          Thank you for the clarification I understand where you are coming from and LOL @ "If my boy is alcoholic Im not bringing him to the CocoLoso open bar"….you need help.

  16. The HU example made me LOL and spit water on my keyboard just for all of the horrible memories of going to the Student Accounts office and resisting the urge to flip someone's desk over. >:0[

    Can't really comment on the cheating. Never done, never will. If I'm having problems with an SO, I simply end it and move on. Cheating is the sign of a simple and immature mind IMHO…..

  17. Little Miss Sunshine…..I think sometimes people go into relationships underestimating the importance of the sexual relationship. They think they can overlook certain things or do without things they really want. They want to believe that they are mature and capable of controling their urges……..Sex drive is more powerful than we admit. It's not politically correct to admit that so most people don't. Bottom line is if you can't meet your partners sexual needs they are more likely to cheat eventually.

    1. All I'm saying is that if I'm not doing it for you- break up with me. there are entirely too many diseases floating around in this world for me to take the chance on you. Just go.

      Besides the alternative is the two of us ending up on Snapped. I think he'd be better off.

      1. Lil Miss Sunshine just admitted to being a little "bat sh*t crazy" if it comes to it.

        As President of the M.A.B. (Men Against Boyshorts) and a member of NO MA'AM (National Order Of Men Against Amazonian Malfeasance) i'm instituting a strict no-peen zone around that v.j.j.

        If a woman tells you she has a tendency to "snap"… do not have sex with that woman.

        1. He is our Founder and President Emeritus.

          What Al Bundy did for men all across the country of the United States will undoubtedly never be acknowledged by the masses. But for those who choose to listen, you can learn a lot about women and relationships.

  18. "It is not in our nature. That’s what makes us different than animals, the ability to not submit to our instincts."

    son i promise i told this to a guy yesterday on a different blog.

    "There are men out there who have grown up. They want wives and children and they want those relationships to grow in a healthy and fulfilling manner. They appreciate and respect the challenge of being faithful and the rewards it brings."

    well stated. cheating is indeed childish and selfish behavior. when you are in a committed relationship you have to not only think about yourself but the person you are with. this is why is takes some sort of maturity to resist the temptations of cheating by either a man or a woman.

  19. I'm not going to get all philosophical and talk about what's innate to man's nature. I just can't relate. If I tell someone we are going to be monogomous, that's exactly what I mean. If I want a FWB, that's how I'll approach her from the start.

    If you want to lay and play, that's fine, but why give someone a commitment that you won't cheat? Some men do this because their game isn't good enough to get with a woman without a commitment. If a man tells a woman he's not going to sleep around, then I would think he sees value in her that's greater than $ex. If a man is willing to throw that value away for a few moments of pleasure, that means he's either weak or his woman doesn't mean as much to him as he claims.

  20. Same people talkin about maturity, commitment and being a real man or real women………….would want a divorce if their man or women came home and said, "Honey I've been having an affair for the past 6 months."

    OK so now where is your maturity and commitment to your vows? Is it conditional? If you would want a divorce after that than your commitment is fake and conditional as the person that cheated……..i guess unless you're a catholic.

    Whether someone cheats or not is not the ultimate measure of anything. All sin is equal.

    1. Wait, what? :0?

      If Person A is doing everything they can to uphold their vows and Person B cheats on them how is Person A in violation again?

      Like someone else up there said, a committed, monogamous relationship implies both parties have some semblance of maturity. If one person decides to break that contract isn't the agreement then null and void? If I've been taking the vows seriously and my wife doesn't I have every right to opt out of that marriage because obviously "one of these kids was doing her own thing".

      Maybe I read your comments wrong….?

    2. J: “Same people talkin about maturity, commitment and being a real man or real women………….would want a divorce if their man or women came home and said, “Honey I’ve been having an affair for the past 6 months.”

      OK so now where is your maturity and commitment to your vows? Is it conditional? If you would want a divorce after that than your commitment is fake and conditional as the person that cheated……..i guess unless you’re a catholic.”

      As with most contracts, once the terms are breached, it can be voided by the non-breaching party. If “forsaking all others” is in the vows, and one party does not abide by those terms, there is no commitment anymore unless the “cheatee” decides not to void the contract.

      “Whether someone cheats or not is not the ultimate measure of anything. All sin is equal.”

      Yes, but divorce doesn’t have to do with the sin, it has to do with the contract. The cheater can be forgiven, but there is no necessity to continue to honor a broken contract.

    3. why you gotta hit the catholics? lol

      I've stated and continue to state that I will do what's in my power to keep my marriage together… even if my husband cheats. I've been trying to reconcile that fact though with my ego. I hate being embarrassed.

      1. 🙂 Cause yall rank sins 🙂

        But thank you for understanding my point. I've heard so many times people say how wrong cheating is…..when really it's ego driven. Pride won't let them forgive cheating. It's not the "ultimate sin" people make it out to be.

  21. “There are men out there who have grown up. They want wives and children and they want those relationships to grow in a healthy and fulfilling manner. They appreciate and respect the challenge of being faithful and the rewards it brings.”

    Thank the Lord!!!

    But seriously, it seems as though these men are limited in number. A lot of women settle or accept cheating because they have never experienced otherwise. It is really unfortunate.

    This is such a great post!

  22. Wow..

    I once told someone that I was gonna marry myself, because I'm the only person I trust.. He.Was.Not.Happy. (too bad..)

    Cheating is rude. It is selfish. And I ABHOR selfish behavior.

    I approach relationships the way I do a lot of things. If it's gonna be work (getting passwords and keeping tabs on him) then I BETTER be getting paid for it.. Something that I ELECT to be a part of should never feel like work. I'm choosing to spend time with you and let you marvel at my greatness and you're gonna make it more stress than a 9-5.. Naw.. that goes against my religion.

    I'm older now, my B.S. meter is finely honed and there's some things I won't condone. Besides, I haven't met anyone that can beat my observant skills.. But there's some lessons that people need to learn the hard way..

  23. If one person decides to break that contract isn’t the agreement then null and void?

    ____________

    OMG….too funny. Now marriage is a contract. Not a vow to God. Not to mention the contract says through good and bad times. Sickness and health. Death do you part.

    Look if marriage is just a contract……do a civil union….or get married in a courthouse. Forget about the church.

    If you going into a marriage with a default out clause your were never really committed. No different from a person cheating.

    1. Well, if it's a biblical thing:

      Deuteronomy 24:1 – When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.

      And since we are no longer under the law…

      Matthew 5:32 (NIV) – But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

      So even Jesus says that cheating on your spouse is justifiable grounds for divorce.

      1. I was gonna point out the NT scripture Hugh.

        If my wife cheated, we'd get divorced, not because I would no longer love her, but because, no matter how hard I tried, my humanity would prevent me from being able to continue to be the best husband I could be. I just couldn't do it.

    2. A vow is like a promise… So you're saying a promise isn't a contract?!?! What's a contract? An agreement. It don't mean it's a legal agreement, but just an agreement. There are legal ramifications to breaking of a certain vow since society aptly recognizes the marital union between two people (of proper age). A vow to God is a promise…

      But the marriage isn't just a promise to God, it's a promise to the other person as well. How one interprets the manner in which that promise should be delivered is subjective, but no one ever said that martial contracts were strictly legal/civil. Just like a marriage it self isn't strictly religious. Married couples still expect to be considered as a spouse legally NOT just inside the church.

  24. I've been going back and forth on how to respond to this. I think Dr. Jay's post is great – first of all. The "not all men cheat" was on point.

    That said, I wanna talk to the fellas who aren't cheaters, and plan not to be.

    Many guys like to say that they will never ever cheat and while that may be true, I'd like to encourage you all to not say that. Here's why: you're not married.

    My wife was my girlfriend for 3 years before we got married, and in those 3 years, I never felt tempted to step outside of our relationship. Additionally, in all the relationships I had prior to my wife, again, I was never tempted. The opportunities were there… at varying times they were in abundance… but never did I feel tempted.

    Temptation, for the man who is not a habitual cheater, for the man who plans on never stepping outside of his relationship, often times doesn't start until you're engaged, and then it gets worse when you're married. There's something about the prospect of "forever" that changes everything. Feel me now, if you submit to the notion that you're never going to cheat, eventually you let your guard down. You start to forget that you are human and that you fall way short of the glory of God. You think you're "above it" or "better than that". When you start making those assumptions you stop safeguarding yourself from situations and circumstances that could lead to you making a mistake.

    "I know I'm never gonna cheat, I'm not a cheater and never will be so, there's nothing wrong with chillin over my this beautiful woman's house. We haven't done anything in years -since before I was even with my wife/gf, so, it's all good".

    ^^Beginning of the End^^

    Listen to me fellas. You're not above cheating, you're not better than cheating. You are capable of cheating. All of you! The only way to not cheat, is to limit the # of situations you put yourself in where cheating is an option. Sure, you can resist the temptation the first time, maybe the second, maybe the third; eventually though -if you consistently put yourself in situations that can lead to infidelity, temptation will always win: Always. I know myself; folks that are on here that know me personally will tell you that I'm as strong willed as they come. But that will has been tested enough for me to know that it's not impenetrable. I've come close enough to failing to know that it can happen. Learning that and accepting that is what has saved me.

    Lastly, for those of you of faith, realize this, in the Old Testament, King David was such a man of faith that it was said that he was after God's own heart. He fell to temptation. If you allow your pride to lead you to believe that you can't… you will.

    1. I agree. I think that is what surprised me so much about a lot of the comments I was reading. People saying they would never because they are mature and stuff like that. I think most people that get married never thought they would cheat or intend to but it does happen. No matter how smart and mature you think you are it can happen.

    2. "..if you consistently put yourself in situations that can lead to infidelity, temptation will always win"

      and

      "Lastly, for those of you of faith, realize this, in the Old Testament, King David was such a man of faith that it was said that he was after God’s own heart. He fell to temptation. If you allow your pride to lead you to believe that you can’t… you will."

      THIS!!!!

      Cosign your entire post. I don't want to Bible thump in here but because of David cheating he spiraled into an abyss of problems and his family/ legacy was forever tainted. That is how I view cheating, it has the ability to impinge those around you in such a massive way. Its like throwing a rock into a pond the ripple effect is much larger then the pebble itself.

    3. To: the MostInterestingWomanintheWorld

      EARMUFFS!

      ====

      In other news, I agree with Sprads, in my terms I always say, your relationship is about what doors you choose to open and which ones you keep closed. No one is saying just because the door is open you will walk through it, but the question is why do you feel the need for it to be open. This logic can be applied to so much;

      (1) Why people who do everything people do in relationships, refuse to title their relationship.

      (2) Why men in relationships, say things like, "let me take my a*s home…"

      (2b) This is usually at the point where you start to realize that there's a bunch of pretty women in the spot, and the dudes are wack and if you tried you could pull the bad jawn over there…

      (2c) This is also right before you wake up and say, "LORD I HAVE SINNED!!!"

      (3) Insisting on keeping female friends with whom you have no real bond with outside of social activities.

      I could go on all night…

  25. Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:4-6).

    It is noteworthy that Jesus, evidently on a different occasion, did not give fornication as an excuse for divorce.

    “Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery” (Luke 16:18).

    while there may be some situations in which extramarital sex would create such problems in a marriage that divorce would be better than continuing in an unhealthy or even dangerous relationship, in general it would be better to forgive earlier indiscretions (if accompanied by repentance and present faithfulness) rather than to break up what might otherwise still be a good marriage.

    1. J: "while there may be some situations in which extramarital sex would create such problems in a marriage that divorce would be better than continuing in an unhealthy or even dangerous relationship, in general it would be better to forgive earlier indiscretions (if accompanied by repentance and present faithfulness) rather than to break up what might otherwise still be a good marriage."

      I certainly agree with this, after all, God hates divorce. That said, He hates sin in general, and we can be reconciled to God after committing sin. And while the expectation is we should forgive, my point is infidelity is a justifiable reason for divorce.

      1. And my point is people egos don't allow them to forgive. Adultery becomes the "Unforgivable Sin," because we want to protect our egos.

        Vanity…….definitley my favorite sin.

        –Al Pacino, the Devil in the Devil's Advocate

  26. Dr. J, the delivery of your post was on point.

    Straight up… I think when you enter a new relationship, one should ask, "What do you consider cheating?" To one woman, slipping your # or accepting theirs is cheating, to another, it's all good as long as you don't have any type of sex with them. To me, it shows that one recognizes that everyone is capable of cheating and looks for a working definition within the relationship. That definition can be different from all other relationships, it's just a promise, I mean contract, I mean agreement. LOL

    But doesn't this assume that men cheating only do it physically? I wonder how many women on this blog are the SO of a guy who started courting them (non-sexually) while he was in another relationship. Emotional cheating… happens… Wait, you though that was a coincidence? LOL

    Sexuality drives women, having sex drives men, sex drives society. Sex IS important. It's equally as important as having someone to talk to. So if you can't go to your SO fo support, then you'll probably end up stepping out (or moving on). Besides, isn't that's the reason why their your SO? To be there for support, sex and fun (non-sexual). (oversimplified)

  27. Won't bother entering into a semantics arguement over contracts, vows, and the like and I won't bother quoting the Scripture either. Suffice it to say, I WON'T CHEAT because I watched my Step-Mom in a very careful and meticulous manner, give my Dad just enough rope to hang himself when he stepped outside their marriage. And the whole family stood there watching him sway in the wind.

    I watched and listened to countless fights, arguements, and accusations between them and learned enough to know that will never be me. Point blank. You can be in a relationship or marriage and be tempted but if you give in you're just weak and really have no respect for your relationship or your SO. #justsayin

  28. IMO I think Emotional Cheating is just as bad IF NOT worse than the actual Act itself..

    When you can get someone's mind/heart based strictly off of words/communication whether it be via phone/text/email/secret meetings, etc. that can have some SERIOUS ramifications …

    1. To me emotional cheating is worse.

      I realize I'm in the minority, but I've never been particularly concerned about my man sticking his sausage in another girl's bun. It has never fazed me and I'd be surprised if it ever did.

      But if he's having deep conversations with a next girl, telling her stuff he's not telling me, or telling her intimate details about our relationship then we have a problem.

      1. Max: I realize I’m in the minority, but I’ve never been particularly concerned about my man sticking his sausage in another girl’s bun. It has never fazed me and I’d be surprised if it ever did.

        Max you are in a League of Your Own…

        1. It's true though. Men can have sex with women we don't even like. Women we wouldn't be caught dead with in daylight hours. Sometimes a man cheating really is sorta like a free sample at the grocery store. You didn't even want it but you ate it cause it was there.

          I know women claim they can have detached sex but I never really believe that. Women have to at least like you on some level which means their affairs usually involve some emotion.

  29. J,

    The undergraduates (and I suspect many other graduate schools) also fill out a paper registration card. But don't worry about it…

  30. Most: “Listen to me fellas. You’re not above cheating, you’re not better than cheating. You are capable of cheating. All of you! The only way to not cheat, is to limit the # of situations you put yourself in where cheating is an option.”

    I don’t deny that, you don’t know for sure what you will do in certain situations. I try to avoid being put in circumstances where it is likely. But I doubt that I will do it. Just like I can say with quite a bit of certainty that I will not kill another human being. But put in the wrong situation, especially if they mess with my family, and well, that negro might have to go.

    Most: “Lastly, for those of you of faith, realize this, in the Old Testament, King David was such a man of faith that it was said that he was after God’s own heart. He fell to temptation.”

    Not that I’m excusing him, but in David’s defense, he saw a beautiful, butt naked, black woman bathing herself. I'm just saying.

    J: “And my point is people egos don’t allow them to forgive. Adultery becomes the “Unforgivable Sin,” because we want to protect our egos.”

    I don’t think we disagree on much. I agree with the ego thing, but infidelity is a legitimate out. You can forgive a person that hurt you by committing adultery, and still divorce them so they aren't in a position to hurt you again.

  31. Men cheat women cheat at the end of the day, it is a choice whether someone enticed you or you feel the need to get what you are not getting at home. It is still a choice.

    I know a guy right now has cheated and will cheat again. His wife is a frigid bish. She doesn't believe in affection. Basically she has sex out of duty but not really because it is only when she wants to and it is on her terms She is (Japanese) and she says it in their culture not to be emotional or overly affectionate.

    Is he still just or unjust for going out and seeking a basic human need, affection?

  32. excellent article about, but! i really don't wish to be so negative however i think that the web site would look better if you had a bit of blue in it 😛 No, you don't have to agree… this is merely my simple view. Thank you to the excellent article anyhow! 😉 Best regards, Resa

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