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Loving, Liking, and Lusting

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Love and Post-Coital Bliss Look Alike

There’s a thin line between love and like. We may tell family members that we love them. We may tell our best friends that we love them, and men may even forget to say “no homo”  or “pause” sometimes when conveying the message to one of the fellas in times of crisis. Actually, a dude will prolly say “You know if you ever need anything, I got you fam” (hetero disclaimer goes here). Yeah, that’s conveying the same thing. That’s a different type of love in my opinion. Some may disagree. That’s fine.

But seriously, I think a lot of us confuse love with a strong level of like or desire to remain in our comfort zones when it comes to relationships. Some men/women are skilled at the effortless art of getting people to fall in love with them. Hence, a guy being p*ssy-whipped or having that good stuff surrounding his jawn. Good stuff could be an amazing oral extraction or the comforting security of the great walls including the hurricane squeeze. Dude ends up there afterwards feeling milked with toes curled thinking to himself “I love this chick!” No you don’t homie. You just really like the state she put you in. Wait 20 minutes then see how you feel. I bet that feeling subsides.

See Also:  How One Man Became Jaded: Part 3

On the flip side, a chick may be getting the most endowed enriched dose of vitamin D in history and find herself panting, tossing and turning, and clenching her legs together while thinkin about that special somebody. Yeah, that person may be cool and decent looking. That’s important. She may tell her girls or close male friend that she loves him, but chances are she likes him and loves his stroke/face game. Ya see, there’s a difference. I won’t even talk about what happens when a dude snatches a v-card, since that was so long ago for most of us. Lastly, a couple may have been together so long that one or both people think they love each other, but they’re really just comfortable where they’re at. Complacency can be some complicated ass sh*t.



I’ve found myself in situations before where I was trying to decipher if I actually loved my significant other at the time, liked them a lot, or if I was just too lazy to leave the situation. One thing I’ve been very careful about is throwing that love word out there. It’s not a tactic I’d ever use to get the bunz. I think that’s corny. That’s also how dudes end up in court rooms fighting restraining orders, fixing their damaged car, or waking up to their breakfast sausage layin detached next to them. For every action, there’s a reaction…and it isn’t always pleasant when it comes to love.

See Also:  7 Things Exes Love to Do

The sh*t gets even more complex when you don’t love the person that loves you or vice versa. How do you tell someone you don’t love them after they confessed their love to you? How do you handle being told you’re not loved once you put yourself out there? Unless you’re emotionless, those are awkward and tough situations to be in. Some would say “It’s about maturity. Next topic.” But from discussions I’ve had with people around me of all ages in person and in the interwebs, I’d argue that most of us don’t feel it’s that simple.

I know this is turning into a ramble, but my greater purpose was to find out how people gauge if they love someone…if they even think about it. Some say love doesn’t require a thought as much as it does an emotion which people just recognize. I kinda disagree. I’m also curious if people have had the “I love you” dropped on them and didn’t respond the way the person hoped or vice versa and how that turned out? And another question, how many folks out there thought they were in love with the person and then realized they confused love with lust?

I Only Loved One of ‘Em,

See Also:  4 Good Things About Break Ups

Comment(76)

  1. I have trouble figuring it out. Its easier to tell in hindsight, cause when you are all up in it things can get confusing. I think you can also get to the point where you wanna love someone but you're not all the way there….. or maybe that's just me and my issues

  2. I don't think love is an emotion,because those are fleeting…I think love is a choice. And it's not supposed to end just because the relationship did,if it's genuine,you can still respect this person.

    1. I agree completely. I still care about all of my exes. Not trying to be with them but still speak to them and would help them if they were in a bind. My fiance probably wouldn't like it but that's a whole other issue

  3. I'm like this…it takes a lot of time, thought & prayer before i realize if i love a person & i've only put myself TRULY out there twice…once was after the dude told me and i wasn't sure yet so i couldn't say it back.

    Lust is know is when i can only think of the person carnally.

    Like is when i think of the person & i care about them but i only see them as a friend.

    Love is when i care so much about the person that i would be willing to do anything for that person, i also pray for that person & their well-being…there is a lot of emotions invested in that person.

    In any of those situations, they may inspire me to write but if i truly love that poem, they will inspire a lot of poems (that was one case).

    It definitely makes you feel like ish when you've put yourself out there but the person doesn't feel the same…#deepsigh

    Great post Slim

  4. Love? Now that's an oft-bandied about word isn't it? Someone told me that this is how you know if you love someone and ought to marry them: "Close your eyes. And if you can't imagine your life without them, you love them and so, you may want to marry them." Simple I know, but it kinda works!

    1. Idk about this. Sometimes people are blinded by youth, foolishness, insecurity, and other things. We may think we need something or someone that we really don't long term, but at the moment they're great. When I close my eyes, I just wanna go to sleep or wait for my allergies to stop bothering me.lol.

  5. I don't know if anyone has read the Steve Harvey book "How To Think like A Man But Act Like A Woman" but in the book he describes three ways of women being able to tell if it's truly love…with the men in their lives….he says, men in love will do three things "profess", "protect" and "provide"…this is how men show their love..Men if you are doing these three things with a special lady in your life…you are in love…if not, you are probably in lust.

    I do believe women are more susceptible to falling in love..simply because we are so much more in touch with our emotions..and men have a bit more of a time accessing what they are truly feeling but when they know….they know.

    As far as professing love to soon…you should be sure. I just know for myself and I will usually try and wait for the guy to say it first..but, I look at the person's actions too….men show their love more thru actions….I would prefer that method. I don't need to hear I love you all the time..yes, sometimes is nice..but, if your actions aren't lining up with your words..you can save it..quick example, my ex hubby used to say "I love you" after every phone call ended….several times a day…and that negroe was slingin' so much d*ck it wasn't even funny. So, sometimes saying it excessively is a cover for deceptive behavior or guilt.

    Good post.

    1. "I do believe women are more susceptible to falling in love..simply because we are so much more in touch with our emotions..and men have a bit more of a time accessing what they are truly feeling but when they know….they know."

      Yes.

  6. Love is a state of euphoria caused by strong emotional and physical ties to a person.

    Lust is a state of euphoria caused by physical ties which creates strong emotions.

    Infatuation is a state of euphoria cause by emotional and physical ties to a person.

    You see why it is hard to differentiate?

    1. [Lust is a state of euphoria caused by physical ties which creates strong emotions.

      Infatuation is a state of euphoria cause by emotional and physical ties to a person.]

      I can see how these two emotions can get mixed up real easily but not LOVE because lust and infatuation fades quickly but you just don't stop loving someone right off the bat.

      1. If lust faded quickly, women wouldn't run back to their ex's for the vitamin D or stay in some of the situations as long as they did/do because of stroke game. I say that half jokingly.

        I can agree that true love doesn't fade quickly and if it does then it probably wasn't love to begin with.

        1. "If lust faded quickly, women wouldn’t run back to their ex’s for the vitamin D or stay in some of the situations as long as they did/do because of stroke game. I say that half jokingly."

          *lol*

          Okay, but I wouldn't necessarily call this Lust I would call it Complacency because 9 times outta 10 we can no longer stand the air HE breathes but it's familar territory after being with the dude for a period of time

  7. I've never confused love for lust. Whatever love was for me at that moment, then that's what it was. Looking back, I don't discount those emotions just b/c I'm older and wiser. I just know that moving forward, MY definition of love will continue to evolve.

    I've never had "I love you" dropped on me while in a relationship. It's always AFTER we've broken up that they realized they did in fact love me. This happened recently, and I can't remember what my response was…but I definitely was shocked.

    1. "I’ve never confused love for lust. Whatever love was for me at that moment, then that’s what it was. Looking back, I don’t discount those emotions just b/c I’m older and wiser. I just know that moving forward, MY definition of love will continue to evolve."

      I totally agree.

      and the second part–really? I don't think I've ever been in a relationship WITHOUT knowing the person loved me…verbally and thru their actions.

    2. "Whatever love was for me at that moment, then that’s what it was. Looking back, I don’t discount those emotions just b/c I’m older and wiser. I just know that moving forward, MY definition of love will continue to evolve."

      Beautifully stated…I was searching for a way to say this, but you did a lovely job for me.

      1. Thank you

        And I have to thank you again, for summing up my thoughts and feelings yesterday on Three Ways. I couldn't have said it any better. I even shared it w/ a few of my girlfriends,lol

        1. Girl – yesterday was truly healing! I didn't know how to say it to all involved but it was really helpful. I cried a few times when I was in the car and alone with my thoughts, but when I was done, when I was going to bed last night…it's like I felt a release ( || ). Like getting it out, commiserating, talking about it to a man that saw nothing wrong with it, other women that I respect confirming that I'm not just weak and crazy, all that…it seriously helped. *big hugs* So thank you.

          P.S. – Didn't know you had a blog too, excited to read that! 🙂

      2. Ha! I cried too…I read it more than once. That's how much it touched me. Because I was really starting to think I was "crazy" or "wrong" for feeling the exact sentiments you expressed. It hit so close to home.

        *big hugs* right back at ya! I hope you like the blog 🙂

  8. This is a good topic…I love my husband, but after 18 years of marriage is it complacency? I don't want to be with anyone else though, so I am assuming that it's love. I don't try to analyze it anymore. I just continue to try and work on me (my goals, my life). I turn around and he's still there so I guess we're OK.

  9. I've said I love you twice in the plethora of relationships I was in. One guy I gave my v-card to and the other everyone (and us) were convinced we were going to get married.

    Looking back- I didn't love the v-card guy, I was in love with him… I can tell this because of how easy it was for me to fall out of love with him and not give an eff.

    The 2nd guy I truly loved and will probably always love… there's just something about having someone that you would change your entire life for if you had to and no without hesitation they would do the same.

    sigh.

  10. When it comes to saying "I love you" to an Ess Oh, I've said that *counts on fingers* Once. And it surprises me lmao I thought I said this at least thirty times 2 more times than that. But there's only been one… let's not go on.

    I love fam. I love close friends (only have as many as I can count on ONE hand) and I love sex and I love a few more things… But yeah. I can say it's been CLOSE where I've almost mistook a good nwodkcid for love. It was SOO good and he was so bad with expressing himself verbally. So he'd do relationship sh!t like question my whereabouts, get jealous for talking/looking at other people, kiss my forehead, give silent treatment, let me sleepover (see Max?!), tell me how he felt a few months in (and it had to do with liking me, duh) Soooo that was his fault. But I'm over it and the pen!s.

    I wonder if I said all I had to say….

  11. I know that I am in love with someone when I will let him meet my family. I have been engaged twice and those two men are the only people out of the men I have dated that have ever met my parents or kid siblings. I am very family oriented and when someone comes home with me to meet my parents they are a very big deal. I have a warm and welcoming family so I don't bring just anyone home ( don't want to get their hopes up). With both relationships my family loved them too so when the relationships dissolved it was painful for all.

    I have had men tell me that they love me a half dozen times. Most of the time I chalked it up as game. Some people will say anything to get into panties. There are only 2 individuals (outside of my engagements) that I believed. One of them I know he loves me because no matter how upset we get with each other we still are there for one another. I don't see myself ever not loving him.

    I said yesterday on one of my other favorite blogs that I believe in true love. I firmly believe I know the difference between, liking, loving and lusting. Loving someone can take a lot out of you but when it is real you want the world to know.

    1. That's it right there! Not just anyone meets my parents and family. Anyone that did, I was in a relationship with them for a year or more. The funny thing is that I'm the only guy my fiance has ever taken home. And that was even before we were dating.

      1. He must have known you were the one from early on. That's HOT. My parents live hours away so when I visit them I have to spend the night. I don't just let anyone spend time with the family for the weekend, my parents don't play that.

  12. I believe love is a choice, a decision and therefore an action.

    as an emotional woman, I know that sometimes those things cloud your perception of what love is. Being a bit wiser with life and matters of caring for others and myself, I am a bit more decisive in how I express that action, and thoughtful in the decision to love. Like LaBakir said, I don't discount my previous thoughts of what love was to me in the past–I've just evolved in how I "know" it. and its really hard to articulate, I just do…

  13. I’ve stated on a few occasions (and Abi expressed earlier) that love isn’t a feeling, it’s a decision. Sooner or later that person that’s making you see sunshine and rainbows will start getting on your nerves. Can you still love that person when you want to push them off a bridge? If things become mundane and complacent, can you decide to still be faithful when someone else catches your eye and tells you what you want to hear? Can a marriage survive the “seven-year itch”? You have to decide if that person is compatible with you, if their actions demonstrate they want to be with you, and if you want to build a future with that person. Infatuation only lasts so long.

    Simple test: you want to know if your feelings for someone goes beyond sex? Stop f*cking them. Do it for about a month or two. If you can spend time with that person and still want to be around them despite no physical contact, it may be more than just lust or infatuation. And you will also get a better idea through your partner's reaction to the celibacy period how they feel about you.

    1. Simple test: you want to know if your feelings for someone goes beyond sex? Stop f*cking them. Do it for about a month or two. If you can spend time with that person and still want to be around them despite no physical contact, it may be more than just lust or infatuation. And you will also get a better idea through your partner’s reaction to the celibacy period how they feel about you.

      THIS!!

      Truth and it Works!! because chex clouds the mind and your judgement but if you take that out of the equation feelings will become clear no matter what the outcome is

      1. Girl Sixx you better preach! Sex clouds the mind big time.

        I once heard a pastor say " Sex complicates relationships when love isn't invovled. The man can't think straight before it happens and the woman can't think straight after."

        Being "adickted" (thanks Starita) is real!!!

        1. But celibacy makes you overlook things. When you are celibate your body is so pressed for the sex you can't make a rational decision.

          I know of a pastor's daughter that recently married at like age 19. Bet if she wasn't a virgin she wouldn't be getting married.

          This is why men will put up with pretty much anything from a women until they hit it.

        2. @ J

          I do agree that not getting thronxed can make someone overlook things if they are young and/or naïve. However, someone in touch with their emotions knows that there are repercussions for letting someone "hit it". I have never been that hard pressed for peen.

        3. I'm going to go w/ celibacy making things clearer. I've taken a year-long hiatus on the McLovington and I'm seeing guys for exactly who they are not how amazing the head or thronxing is. It's quite enlightening to see what I won't put up with when I don't have to deal with what someone is putting down.

  14. I agree with DeKeLa. People think love is more complicated than it is. If you ufck anybody enough times and spend enough time with them you will grow to love them. That's why arranged marriages work.

  15. Kevin Lomax: What about love?

    John Milton: Overrated. Biochemically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate.

    –Devil's Advocate

  16. Oooo good topic today. Love isn't as tricky as people make it out to me. Of course I mean that relationship type of love since its been pointed out that there are different types and levels if love.

    There of nothing wrong with being on a one sided "i lobe you"

  17. "The sh*t gets even more complex when you don’t love the person that loves you or vice versa."

    SOOOOO TRUE!!! I am dealing with it now with my daughter's father. (Before I start getting judged, we were in a relationship for 4 years before my daughter came along so it wasn't like I jump in bed and had a baby by just anyone.) Different circumstances broke us up 2 years ago and we've both dated other people. Only thing is, he always ends up breaking up with them because he says he's still loves me. I definitely think it's the comfort thing since we were together for so long. I lost the feeling a while ago and am able to move on but he claims he still is in love with me. The real issue comes in when he uses our relationship (or lack there of) as a reason for why he can't keep with his fatherly duties. He says he can't seperate the two. Every argument stems from me not wanting to be with him and not understanding that he loves me more than himself. Most of the time, I don't even know what more to say to him other than I can't force the relationship just for him and so we can be a family. Then that turns into another argument about how I'm heartless because I act like I don't care that he can't stop loving me. So, yea. It is extremely complicated when someone loves you and you don't feel the same. But like I said, I think his is the comfort of us being together for so long before.

    1. I don't know about using lack of reciprocal love as an excuse to avoid fatherly duties, but I know the feelings he is talking about. I've been on both sides of the fence and it sucks either way.

  18. J: But celibacy makes you overlook things. When you are celibate your body is so pressed for the sex you can’t make a rational decision.

    Who said anything about being celibate???? 😉

    I Kidd I Kidd (well, kinda…..) *lol*

  19. I jacked my last comment up lol. Here is the rest.

    Nothing wrong with being on a one sided "i love you". Both parties just have to understand the relationship. The last girlI was with loved me, but I wasn't in love with her. I still treated her right and she didn't seat it too much. The actions are what's important.

  20. To me: I know when I love someone I want to see them happy, it can be with me or not. Their well being is most important to me. And you want the best for them even if it means letting go.

    When I lust, I want them all to myself, I get selfish, irrational, and impatient. Its temperamental….. And temporary

    1. I agree!

      "I know when I love someone I want to see them happy, it can be with me or not. Their well being is most important to me. And you want the best for them even if it means letting go."

      I also agree with others when they say love is a decision. I really turn to the bible for the definition of love. It's way more than emotions and feelings. It's more than obligation and trust. It's even more than responsibility and relationship. You can define love, but you more so live out love.

      I've confessed my love to one, and they didn't feel the same way. Surprisingly, I was perfectly fine with it. I knew if it wasn't me, then there was simply someone better suited for him, and me as well.

      I find when sincere love is involved, you put your best foot forward, regardless. I can lust all day long, but when I love someone, I really do "carry them in my spirit." (Tyler Perry…LOL). I really do include them in my prayers. I take care of myself so I can be my best for them….

      Yea…..that's how I feel 🙂

  21. I think love sometimes can be extremely overrated; yet sometimes its when you let yourself to be driven crazy.

    Lust, every one has it, whether you want to admit it or not. We are always lusting over someone or something.

    Like… it's simple: I like all of y'all. Problem solved.

  22. love is not a word that i just throw around. i've told approximately 3 women that i've loved them in my entire life. i don't even tell my mother that i love and i love her to death (she's not an emotional person). mistaking lust for love? not over here. i know there is a clear distinction between the two.

    love is about compromise. it's actually more so a verb than a noun. love is something that you show through your actions.

  23. I'm Back… Just Got Off Of Vacation!!!

    Deep Subjects Are Always Shallow At The Edges!!

    Lust is the shallow, Love is when you have to tread water …and "Procreation" is the deep blue sea!!!

    It all leads to the same place "Procreation"…the foundation of "ALL MANKIND".

    This discussion could never take place if there were no participants (i.e. People Born Already 🙂

    Lust + Love + Procreation ='s Mankind Does Not Become Extinct….. The RELATIONSHIP (or) Lust vs. Love is really a moot point.

    So for the above aforementioned reason…Lust? Love?..Uhm?; To me "personally"…they are really one in the same…excuses nature has provided in order for us to "rationalize intuitively" the having of children….Afterall nature says either the kid is here..or it ain't!!! How the kid got here and for what "rationalized reason" is really of absolutely NO CONSEQUENCE!!

    LUST VS. LOVE ='S THE POT VS. THE KETTLE 🙂

    You can only feel what you feel when you feel it…but don't worry…Feelings change!!: Lust to Love to Lust to Love…(and so on).

    Note (tongue deep in cheek): MY BOOK COMES OUT SHORTLY, IT'S ENTITLED: "YOU THINK LIKE A WOMAN AND I'LL THINK LIKE A MAN/CAUSE THERE IS NO CHOICE OTHERWISE" by "Stop B'sing Yourself It Ain't That Major Publishing!!!" (LMAO!!!) :-))

  24. Gordon Gekko: You and I are the same, Darien. We are smart enough not to buy in to the oldest myth running; love. Fiction created by people to keep them from jumping out of windows.

    –Wall Street

  25. Kevin Lomax: What about love?

    John Milton: Overrated. Biochemically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate.

    Gordon Gekko: You and I are the same, Darien. We are smart enough not to buy in to the oldest myth running; love. Fiction created by people to keep them from jumping out of windows.

    When you start viewing viewing the world in a strictly material, scientific or biological sense, you are skating on very thin ice, my friend.

  26. I think I told like 3 girls I loved them and didn't in my life time, each time I did that, it was because they caught me off guard and I didn't want to devastate them.

    Whilst coital activity this chick asked me to tell her I loved her, and I was like, "No." That had to be the funniest moment in my sexual life. So later I told her that she just loved the sex and she gave me this long answer on how she really did love me. I stopped talking to her for like a month. I wanted nothing love related to do with her.

    In my opinion, i've never got it twisted, I always keep it straight. In other news, there are just some things you shouldn't say to man;

    (1) I love you. (Let him say it first.)

    (2) Let's cuddle.

    (3) We need to talk.

    (4) I love boyshorts.

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