Home Advice Chivalry for dummies: 5 basic chivalrous things men should do by habit

Chivalry for dummies: 5 basic chivalrous things men should do by habit

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5 Chivalrous Things We have had numerous conversations on the topic of chivalry. The most classic being SBM’s warning shot and declaration against chivalry in all forms. I sat back and thought about it, and while there are some points I agree with, I feel that there are basic elements of chivalry for dummies that all men should practice. I make dedicated efforts to exhibit more class in all areas of my life, and while I am a work-in-progress, some things I just do.

These basic actions of chivalry for dummies are simple, yet effective, and should be in any man’s repertoire:

Let women walk in front

Whether you’re waiting to get out of the train, bus, or a public establishment, if this group of people attempting to vacate include women, let them go first. This requires no complex thinking or methods of deduction on your end. Letting women walk in front of you is a sign of respect and passively chivalrous. No need to bum-rush in front of them. Be a gentleman!

Hold Doors Open

I understand that this may seem corny or submissive, but keeping with the classy/gentleman theme, I do this all the time subconsciously. If I’m with a group of people and I get to a door first, 8 times out of 10, I’ll hold it open for everyone to walk through. With women its 9.5 out of 10 (rudeness does not warrant respect or chivalry for dummies). Along the same lines as walking in front, the “ladies first” mantra is a dignified way to make yourself look good, make a woman feel special, and really should be an amendment in the constitution of common courtesy. Now, the exception to this rule is car doors. I’m a situational car-door opener. If I’m right in front of your passenger door I’ll open it. Otherwise, its auto-unlock ftw. I know this seems backward but I have a mental block with carΒ door openings. Every other door is good $ though!

See Also:  F*** Chivalry

Give her time to get ready

If she says she’ll be ready in 30, get there by 30 and give her 10-15 minutes to get set. Some women are super punctual but most will need that overtime to start getting ready. So giving this time will benefit them, and you don’t compromise your egos and “manliness” in the process. So, let her rock…unless you want her to answer the door in spanx and a dubi like “what’s up boo?”

Pay attention and LISTENNN **DJ Khaled Voice**

Yes, it’s sad that this has to fall under chivalry, and this would require the most work, but you should develop these necessary communication skills for application in all facets of your life. Remember the things you speak about. Offer real and constructive opinions. This might be the hardest to do, but you will save. A lot of arguments, heartache, and “talks” by learning these common practices.

Leave the toilet seat down

I grew up with sisters and a mom in the same house. Trust me on this!

So.. These are some basic acts of chivalry for dummies, that should be applied in a man’s life as a norm, in my opinion. Did you get anything else? Disagree?

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Comment(181)

  1. all agreed except the last one.

    Bitch the same energy i use to lift it to pee, you can lower it to pee.

    Thats like telling me to chew your food for you.

    1. haha My dude DMario!

      Its officially on! But I do agree. The same effort I use to put the seat down you can use to put the seat up.

      Look at it this way…Be glad I put the seat up…I'm not pissing on it.

    2. I always put the seat down, but I never really understood why women complain about it so much. Women really need to complain about the 0.7 seconds it takes to put the seat down? Or women can't see the gigantic opening and plop their behinds down on the seatless commode?

      Can one of the ladies here enlighten me?

      1. Let me……

        *grabsmic*

        The reason for this is that sometimes especially during the middle of the night when we have the urge to tickle and I for One is one of those that will wait till my bladder is about to erupt sometimes (Kegels @work 24/7) to run to the bathroom and when that happens the last thing on my mind is checking to see if the seat is up or down.

      2. Too be perfectly honest, my issue isn't with the time or effort it takes to put the seat down, it's with a) having to look at the rim of the bowl that you've likely just pi**ed all over and b) having to touch the seat with my hands at all. That last one is especially true if we are not in my house and I don't know the frequency with which you clean your toilet.

      3. So the reason y’all womenfolk don’t like it is:

        – You wait until your bladder is over capacity and lowering the seat is too much effort (what do you do if the bathroom door is closed?).

        – Your man is too nasty to wipe the pee of the rim of the toilet (I think the issue here is cleaning the toilet, not lowering the seat onto a urine-infested toilet bowl rim).

        – You don’t want to touch the seat, even though (I hope) you’re planning to wash your hands anyway.

        – You don’t want to touch the seat, but we should.

        I guess I don’t see a legitimate reason why it’s such an issue. I understand preferring it down, but some women will go absolutely apesh!t because the seat is up.

        1. You may be the special exception, but I have yet to see any man actually wipe the rim of the seat when he is done unless he has just covered the thing in pee. If there was just a little bit that got on the rim, they keep it pushing. Even though I wash my hands anyway, I still don't want to put my hands in pee, call it what you will, but I don't. When I change my nieces diapers, I do everything possible to avoid getting anything on my hands, even though I wash them anyways. I don't see why this is hard to understand.

        2. i agree with you jazz. all the reasons i've read so far seem like b.s. to me. keep in mind i do put the toilet seat down even in my own house, i just don't see what all the hoopla is for. with the flick of your wrist you can put the seat down.

      4. Let's appeal to their logic here ladies, men love a good statistic, no Lyfe.

        -Men pee standing up (requires the seat to be up)

        -Women pee sitting down (requires the seat to be down)

        -We BOTH drop the kids off at the pool sitting down (requires the seat to be down)

        Therefore 3 out of 4 times that the toilet is being used, the seat will need to be in the down position. Why leave the seat in the position needed 25% of the time? The seat's homeostasis is down. The exception is when a male needs to pee. See?

        Now this only works when a man and a woman share a home. If it's your house and a woman is bitching asking you politely to leave the seat down for the few times that she is there, you are well within your rights to tell her to go on somewhere, the data is in your favor. However she is well within her rights to withhold that sweet, that nasty, that gushy stuff be offended.

        1. Sane: "You may be the special exception, but I have yet to see any man actually wipe the rim of the seat when he is done unless he has just covered the thing in pee."

          You hang around too many nasty n!ggas. If piss hits the seat, I wipe it up. But my aim is immaculate, so that usually isn't an issue. LOL

          Starita34: "Therefore 3 out of 4 times that the toilet is being used, the seat will need to be in the down position. Why leave the seat in the position needed 25% of the time? The seat’s homeostasis is down. The exception is when a male needs to pee. See?"

          Revise your statistics. We pee far more often than we poop.

        2. That's really irrelevant, you still poop sitting down, whether it be 3 times a day or 1 time a week, it still tips the scale in favor of the seat down. Because if we're just going off the times that we pee, it's roughly 50% on both sides, up or down, the statistical argument for up vs. down would have no footing.

          But when you add in the fact that AT TIMES men need it to be down as well…the scales just got tipped in favor of down = default seat setting. Women need the seat down 100% of the time. Let's say you pee 5 (insert any number you feel comfortable with, doesn't really matter) times more than you poop, so you need the seat down 20% of the time. When we share a household and a toilet, that means that between the two of us on average 60% of the time the toilet seat needs to be down. >50%. The majority of the time. Default = toilet seat down.

          Booyaka.

        3. I didn't say the percentage is higher for the seat being up, just that you need to revise your numbers (greater than 50%, but much less than 75%). We also haven't established that probability is the ultimate arbiter for the position of the toilet seat in non-use.

          But we'll leave it down, even when we use it. Then we'll pee all over the seat. And just as a man should pump gas for a car that's not his, wash his lady's car and cut her grass, a woman's job is to clean the house, so now you have to wipe up our pi$$.

          For the win! Quod erat demonstrandum!

        4. Hugh, you had me at "I always put the seat down." I don't need to be right, I just need a dry @ss when I pee πŸ™‚ Greater than 51% is all that's really needed as a majority IMO. I didn't actually conduct studies, just trying to make an example…like when you said that it takes .07 seconds to put the seat down…actually it takes .0021568 seconds, but I didn't get on ya for that, right? πŸ˜‰

          Although I correctly stated that 75% of the functions of a toilet require the seat to be down. Women peeing, Women pooping, Men destroying the bathroompooping. The only function that requires the toilet seat up is men having target practice and failing miserably peeing.

          You can have the win friend *confetti*…I just want you to put MY seat down when you come through to claim your real prize.

        5. Hugh, you had me at “I always put the seat down.” I don’t need to be right, I just need a dry @ss when I pee πŸ™‚ Greater than 51% is all that’s really needed as a majority IMO. I didn’t actually conduct studies, just trying to make an example…like when you said that it takes .07 seconds to put the seat down…actually it takes .0021568 seconds, but I didn’t get on ya for that, right? πŸ˜‰

          Although I correctly stated that 75% of the functions of a toilet require the seat to be down. Women peeing, Women pooping, Men destroying the bathroom pooping. The only function that requires the toilet seat up is men having target practice and failing miserably peeing.

          You can have the win friend *confetti*…I just want you to put MY seat down when you come through to claim your real prize.

    3. Chivalry for the profoundly mentally handicapped: 1 basic chivalrous thing men should do by habit –

      1. Don't start a sentence by addressing a woman "Bitch…"

  2. Good simple list… 1 and 2 are the only ones I expect… yes I said expect. I'm a southern girl… and if the little old white Jim Crow man can hold a door open for me, I expect no less from a man that's trying to get me naked. Oh wait… maybe the little Jim Crow man has ulterior motives…

    And allowing us to walk in front is a form of security for us… let's me know you got my back. Because if I'm walking behind you, someone could come snatch my purse and you would be none the wiser… *side eye*

  3. Actually, I prefer the the toilet seat lid to be down, it's much less gross. So, everyone has to use a little effort to make the bowl. True, men have to make twice the effort lifting both the lid and the seat, but you don't have to deal with cramps. I figure that makes it even.

    Chew that.

  4. This requires no complex thinking or methods of deduction on your end.

    ^^^And you can sneak a peek at their ass without them seeing (you know you want to)! (This came to mind, i don't know why…i've been getting a lot of not-so-discrete looks lately.)

    Otherwise, its auto-unlock ftw. I know this seems backwards but I have a mental block with car door openings.

    ^^^This made me LOL!

    I generally open the door on my own out of habit so i think when dudes run to get to the door before me! lol

    Pay attention and LISTENNN & Leave the toilet seat down!

    ^^^THESE!

    I'm learning about having women walk on the inside of the sidewalk…this is a fairly new concept for me.

    Good post Streetz!

  5. this is a wonderful list, if you do all of this and pay for the first date you can get away with so many other things. I've dated a very chivalrous ass hole, if that makes sense, he did all of these things but was a jerk. I let him stick around for about 4 months cause he did all of these things plus he took out the trash and washed the dishes…the good D helped too, but after a while he was too much of an ass hole for me to handle and I had to let him go!

    1. oh yeah, paying for the date, is a MUST.

      I pay for the first 3 dates AT LEAST. then we can go dutch…unless i REALLY REALLY like you i'm not tryin to have you pay for shit.

    2. That's always been my problem with chivalry:

      A LOT of dudes use it to swindle women, and when i see that I get upset. I don't go above and beyond to be chivalrous, but I do have manners, and I do take things into consideration.

      I just saw a lot of women get gamed off of dudes doing shyt for them when you know they're doing it for everyone else. smh

    1. same here…that's why i was so thrown off by the whole woman having to walk inside of the sidewalk.

      The toilet seat point drives me nuts though.

  6. Letting women walk in front…yes.. except on the stairs…etiquette requires a man to walk up first…to protect her modesty…don't want u guys tripping on a face full of @$$ πŸ˜€

    1. umm that would be proceed in front of a lady when walking down stairs….the thinking being if she slips a man should be able to stop a fall

      1. I co-sign that cos I was taught both: going downstairs, it’s a woman first…but going upstairs, it’s a man first. Pointed it out as an example of the few times when men dont usually let the women walk in front… maybe the upstairs rule is just a British thing *shrugs*.

        Hmmmm… now i'm thinking about it maybe these don’t always translate across cultures/countries (e.g. like here when entering an lift/elevator, the man is supposed to go first to clear the way for the woman).

    2. A man also told me that men should walk through revolving doors first so he can exert the energy to push them both through. I thought that was a cute idea, but it's not something I expect as often as opening the door for me.

    3. "Letting women walk in front…yes.. except on the stairs…etiquette requires a man to walk up first…to protect her modesty…"

      I'm a relatively chivalrous guy, but I've never heard of that one. It also seems to be a bit much. If she just happens to get to the stairs first, I can't see myself making a big deal to hop in front of her.

      1. hugh, like i said maybe it just our way…anyway…if i'm waaaay ahead of him then it's ok but if we're a few strides apart and i get there first…i was taught to wait for him to catch up and then encourage him to go first 'with a smile and an after u'. i still do that *shrugs*

      2. hugh, like i said maybe it's just our way here…

        anyway…if i'm waaaay ahead of him then it's ok but if we're a few strides apart and i get there first…so he doesnt have to be lumbered with eyeballing by @rse, i was taught to engage him in conversation and wait for him to catch up and then encourage him to go first 'with a smile and an after you'. i still do that *shrugs*

        1. I'm gonna eyeball the arse while on the escalator/stairs. So I'll always give the "after you" or "ladies first" excuse. (j/k, somewhat)

  7. "don't take me to certain parts of Ft. Lauderdale at night.." THAT'S chivalry!

    and please wait til I get inside my house before you screach out of my parking lot..

    until very recently, I didn't know about these minor ways that women were supposed to be treated. I paid for my own movie ticket, paid for dates, even drove my car. Now that I know, there's no going back..

      1. I hear that!!!!!

        God forbid if someone was to run up on you and try to snatch your purse, ole boy would have been of no help whatsoever because he could only see in his rearview mirror the smoke/dust from his exhaust and tires.

        *shakeshead*

      1. I wait for everyone to get inside their house too.. I don't know why.. it's just something I do..

        I also look out of my kitchen window when someone is leaving my parking lot.. I watch their car until it is out of sight..

        I notice that's mostly for people I care a great deal about

        I don't know why I do it..

    1. True Story:

      I dropped a GF off at her house. Said my goodbyes and pulled off as she got to her door. 2 minutes later I got a phone call…err.. "explaining" the error of my ways.

      I've been str8 ever since.

    2. "and please wait til I get inside my house before you screach out of my parking lot.."

      i hope this wasn't a guy you were seeing romantically. what happened to walking you to your door? o_0 but at least he could have waited till you were inside.

  8. Even though I’m a fan of all things SBM (Streetz included), I’m not sure that these are really chivalrous acts. They seem to be more about manners to me *shrugs*…more precisely points of etiquette.

    Stupid example…Chuck Bass (yes I watch Gossip Girl)…Chuck aint chivalrous…simply put Chuck is a prized [email protected]… but he’ll let a woman walk in front, hold the door open, give her time to get ready because, albeit unforced, these are expectations of good social behaviour. it's what your mama taught you to do. In the same vain, a man leaving the toilet seat down is a huge faux pas because it's inconsiderate.

    Chivalry is a virtue. It extends waaaay beyond social norms and social graces. When I say someone is a knight in shining armour, it means dude’s character traits stem from his individual choice to try and be morally excellent in his approach to things. I get no one is perfect but its about having integrity and also choosing to be generous, charitable, diligent, thoughtful, loving, loyal, truthful, noble, faithful, forgiving, disciplined, respectful, honest, patient, sincere, courageous and/ or fair in any given situation. Kinda like a personal code of conduct. it’s the best I can explain it *shrugs*

    1. Yes! Chuck Bass is one refined bastard! I heart him and hate him all at the same time. I wish Blair would've let his @ss go to London w/ blondie.

      Umm…okay…yeah…back to the topic :p

    2. Chivalry is a virtue. It extends waaaay beyond social norms and social graces. When I say someone is a knight in shining armour, it means dude’s character traits stem from his individual choice to try and be morally excellent in his approach to things.

      Shubby I agree w/ you in the sense that chivalry is going above and beyond and these things seem like simple manners. The fact is though, that these things aren't social norms anymore. Men don't do them… so while they should just be considered simple mannerisms, they are in fact a tad chivalrous in today's society where men don't do SQUAT. Lol.

        1. I think we have to segment "Chivalrous acts" from "chivalry"

          Being British πŸ˜› I know you all are big on manners, etiquette, and a general sense of virtue, so I get what you mean.

          I think these are manners, but like SoFlyy sd, these aren't the 21st centurry norm and some people need to be reminded that these actions can help to build that chivalrous character and all those traits you listed.

          In fact, all those traits you listed… you're either born with or bred. Takes a great role model to breed chivalry in a young man.

  9. Give up your seat to an older person on public transportation.

    — I have side-eyed more than a few men b/c they sat in their seats while an old person struggles to maintain their balance on the bus. (And then, of course, I'd give them my seat.) This also applies to family events and other places where old people may be plentiful but seats are not.

    Offer to carry things

    — I remember seeing my friend struggle to carry groceries home while her boyfriend walked behind her texting on his phone . . . say what, now? Chile, boo. If you know that you are physically capable of assisting someone, especially old folks and women, at least offer the help. Especially if you see that they are having a hard time carrying it alone.

    I am such a big fan of chivalry. I don't think men understand how attractive chivalry is, even when the woman you attract isn't the recipient of the act.

    1. But I'm saying though…. she paid less $$$ than I did to get on the bus,,,AND i got to stand?

      j/k

      I do it out of courtesy for the elderly and the pregnant, but for random females? Nah your two legs are just as good (if not better) than mines..

    2. Re: the groceries being carried….in the grocery store, unless there are a lot of bags or they are heavy, I generally don't even ATTEMPT to pick up one. I haven't had a guy yet not pick it up instinctively, so I'm good with that. As far as carrying them in the house, I'll bring in some of them, and I'll ask him to get the rest. I have two flights of stairs to go up/down. Nah, playa…cause your hand gonna be stuck out for a plate when I cook, so it can be stuck out to carry those groceries inside too.

      I think that's more of an expectation…but that's just me, I guess.

  10. all I could add is pulling out chairs….now if it's you and 50lebbem ladies then that may prove to be daunting ….I find simple acknowledgement of the act is sufficient

    it's the thought that counts …I thought about it so it counts

  11. I agree with all mentioned…although they almost never happen ..with the exception of the "letting women walk in front" that seems to be the common practice of chivalry among all men..I honestly don't care about the car door that much..I can get it. Most of these I'm not going to raise a ruckus about if they don't happen….but it would be nice on occassion if they did…..

    Streetzie…I didn't think you had it in you πŸ™‚ I'm joshing you. lol….good post!

  12. Can't recall where I read this fact, but traditionally men used to walk on the outside and women towards the inside of a sidewalk because people used to throw dirty toilet and bathwater out of their windows. Women were allowed to walk closer to the buildings so only the men would get doused. :0|

    1. Hmmm really, but I was told by my friend that the reason for this is just in case a car/bus, etc was to jump the curb I will be protected because it would hit him first so he makes sure that I am alwayz on the inside and he is close to the curb if/when walking.

      Now if that's not chivalry then I don't know what is.

      1. LOL, I've heard that too! This guy I went out with actually said that, "so a car can hit me FIRST and not you?" I was like, yep, basically. We had a good laugh about it….he stayed on the outside, LOL.

      2. GirlSixx: "Hmmm really, but I was told by my friend that the reason for this is just in case a car/bus, etc was to jump the curb I will be protected because it would hit him first so he makes sure that I am alwayz on the inside and he is close to the curb if/when walking."

        Unless you're dating Clark Kent, I don't think he's going to be much of a shield for a bus.

        1. So Flyy: "I was thinking the same thing. A bus?"

          Don't get me wrong, I walk on the outside because I'm a chivalrous ba$tard and all, but just realize we'll both be in the hospital together.

        2. Don’t get me wrong, I walk on the outside because I’m a chivalrous ba$tard and all, but just realize we’ll both be in the hospital together.

          *lmao* @ chivalrous bastard

          Of course no doubt!! I'll swing by for my daily visits and bring fresh peonies every other day and guess what Boo…. I'll even bring you food and let you SUPERSIZE IT..

        3. GirlSixx: “Of course no doubt!! I’ll swing by for my daily visits and bring fresh peonies every other day and guess what Boo…. I’ll even bring you food and let you SUPERSIZE IT..”

          Nope, I want roses, white roses! I’ll bring you roses just because it’s Tuesday or because you had a bad day at work, so you can’t go cheap and give me peonies! I want chocolate turtles too!

          So Flyy: “#swoon I think I e-love Hugh.”

          C’mon, let’s walk down the street and get hit by a bus! Umm, you do have health care, don't you?

        4. Nope, I want roses, white roses! I’ll bring you roses just because it’s Tuesday or because you had a bad day at work, so you can’t go cheap and give me peonies! I want chocolate turtles too!

          I said peonies NOT daffodils… *lol*

          Peonies are not cheap flowers — look it up — actually they can end of costing more than roses #justsayin

          But I get the sentiment.

        5. GirlSixx "I said peonies NOT daffodils… *lol*

          Peonies are not cheap flowers — look it up — actually they can end of costing more than roses #justsayin

          But I get the sentiment."

          I still want roses. And make sure you get the turtles too! I didn't get these broken ribs and a collapsed lung for nothing!

        6. " So Flyy says: September 22, 2010 at 4:02 pm Of course e-luva… I don’t work at the plantation the 9-5 for nothing. I got you… Blue Cross, Aetna… whatchu need?"

          I got mine, I just want to make sure you have yours so I will have your company while I'm in traction.

      1. Word Most

        its funny I always would <del>be dead ass serious</del> joke and say "Damn Im protecting you from cars walking on the outside and you STILL aint lettin a brother hit/ cookin a meal? Whats REALLY good?!

        πŸ˜€

        LMAO

  13. Well this is funny but I always let women walk in front of me but it really has nothing to do with being chivalrous. Growing up in the hood you learn that if you let girls walk behind you iggaz will flirt, grab and speak to them once you walk by. So you learn to let women walk in front of you so you can keep her safe. And dudes know they can't say or do anything to her with risking a confrontation with you.

    I always hold doors but I do get a little upset when women walk up to a door and just stand there waiting for me to pull it open. First off you should be close enough to me that you're not waiting for me to come open the door. Second, I prefer when women at least pull the door open a little and then I can reach over their shoulder or around them and pull the door completley open. Basically I'm saying, while I don't mind opening doors, I do get a little annoyed when women are a little to rigid about it and get mad if I miss one door. Or just refuse to touch a door like they are disabled.

    Car doors. Nope. C'mon baby……it's not a stage coach it's an Infiniti…a baby could open the door…..hop you *ss in and be happy your man has a ride. My SUV…yeah I'll help cause it sits high. Seriously though I have even had to explain to girl on a first date that I didn't want to do anything on the first date that I don't plan on doin in a relationship. She understood. I mean are you really gonna throw away a good man over not opening a car door.

    Walking in front of women on stairs…….please……you shouldn't be wearing nothin so tight or short that I have to protect your modesty.

    I do pull chairs out. Open jars. Carry stuff. Wash cars. Hang blinds and all that other Holmes on Homes ish. πŸ™‚

  14. i agree with all the above…and i even open car doors for my platonic female friends, it's a habit i guess

    …however

    the one #petpeeve of mine is when a woman gets to a door a significant distance ahead of you (more than 3 steps) and just stands there waiting for you to open the door.

    i'm all for chivalry & sh*t but you gon have to slow down if you wanna reap the benefits. what i look like, jeffrey from fresh prince or something?

    1. Carver: "the one #petpeeve of mine is when a woman gets to a door a significant distance ahead of you (more than 3 steps) and just stands there waiting for you to open the door.

      i’m all for chivalry & sh*t but you gon have to slow down if you wanna reap the benefits. what i look like, jeffrey from fresh prince or something?"

      This. There is a fine line between expecting chivalry and being trifling. This is trifling.

  15. I dont agree w/ #1 & #5.

    If I do #1 in NYC, i'll never get on the damn train. The joint will fill up before my big arse can get on that joint.

    And #5, if u in my house leave the seat up. In yours I'll leave it down

    1. Agreed. In the DMV our Metro doors seem to have a mind of their own. You've got a limited amount of time to squeeze in before they shut on you. And I have witnessed various arms, legs, purses get snatched up by the gaping doors of death. And yes, I giggled everytime….

      >:0)

  16. I'm fittin to be all types of chivalrous and when ya get pissed off dont say nothing. I'm ordering your food. Dont talk to men in my presence either. Not the waiter, not the bus driver, no one. And when you see me sitting and standing every time you go to bathroom, dont laugh either.

  17. 1) Offering your coat/sweater/jacket if I am cold.

    2) I agree with Bsquared on offering to carry my things, I

    shouldn't have to ask.

    3) Please jump out of the car and pump the gas. Yes, even if it is my car. Yes, EVEN if I am driving. If my dude were to sit while I pump I promise I would go batsh*tcrazy.

    4) Hold my hand to help me gain balance in and out of your car, off stage, hiking…etc.

    5. If we are flying together offer me the window seat ( this really isn't about chivalry) I think it is mighty thoughtful.

      1. J, you are alright with me!!! But I see it all.the.time. I even make my little brother's pump gas if they are with me somewhere.

        Each one, teach one.

        1. I think one reason I really hate seein women cutting grass is cause it just reminds me how many single mothers and single women there are in the black community. Cause if there was a man in the house she wouldn't be outside doing the man stuff. And then sometimes it's just a lazy dude in the house that doesn't care and will let his moms do all the yard work.

        2. f that.. pump your own gas

          It's YOUR car, and YOUR responsibility.

          If you are not cooking and cleaning my drawers, which I wear, I see no point in taking care of your car.

          @J If she was catering to a garden, I guarantee you would be alright with that.

        3. @ J…we need more men like you in this world. A woman should not cut the grass if she has an abled body man at home.

          @ DeKeLa KICK ROCKS!!!!!!!!! j/k

          No, but seriously. Pumping the gas especially when its night time for a woman can be a dangerous thing. Be a man and protect me from the gas station beggers!

        4. DeKela: f that.. pump your own gas

          It’s YOUR car, and YOUR responsibility.

          Stop Playin!! If you are riding shotgun and we pull up to the pump and I have to get out to pump my own gas while you just sit there eyeing me in the passenger side mirror.. You Best Believe your Azz will be sitting on that curb by the time I'm done.

          *bbm talk to the hand*

    1. i saw a dude sitting in his car chilling while his girl was pumping gas a couple weeks ago. all i could do was laugh. i promised myself the next time i saw that i would offer to pump her gas and dude better not say anything to me.

      1. And it was HIS car you say??

        #goplayintrafficwithablindfold

        Unless he was a pimp because honestly I can't see what female in her right frame of mind would put up with that BS — ain't that much Vitamin D in the world

  18. It seems to me that the amount of chivalry one is accustomed to depends on what region they grew up in. Most females that I know in the Southern US practically expect all of this and its somewhat of a norm.

    I've dated women from the Northeast and West Coast that were baffled by these actions being the norm. Needless to say they like them.

    1. Animate I have to respectfully disagree. I have lived in Cali almost all my life (immigrant child) and did you see my list? It would have been a longer list but several people mentioned things I EXPECT already. πŸ™‚

  19. Here's my issue with chivalry… as we decrease the traditional roles that women play in society, men continue to have to uphold theirs and add more.

    In high school, I got in an argument with a group because I said, that if a woman's role in the household was traditionally to be at home taking care of the home and children, then if she chooses to work, she still needs to handle her previous responsibilities. People said, no the man should pick up on her traditional household responsibilities.

    #boulsheit, not these 21st century women.

    As a man, if my traditional role is to be the breadwinner and I decide that I would like to take less hours and pay to be at home more with my children. I'd be hard pressed to find a woman to pick up my previous duties, IF she was not already in a position to do so. I know mad couples, and there's a stay at home wife, and when the husband decides to make a career change or go back to school, his wife starts b*tching about having to go to work.

    I hate to come off misogynistic, but men don't get nothing but diabetes, a damn hug, and a dryer full of boyshorts. Meanwhile in the words of Samuel L. Jackson, "[women] think they can do, WHATEVER, it is they want to." Makes me wonder what the point is behind all this chivalry… because it's a lack of princesses and goddesses walking around here lately. I haven't seen no tone Rapunzel yet.

    I'm supposed to call you, ask you out, pick you up, get out the car in the cold, meet you at your door, open my car door, (you stanky a*s didn't even have the courtesy to unlock my door), drive you to the date location, open the door, take out your seat, pay for it, take you back home, hell we might even have to go for a walk, I give you my coat, catch pneumonia, and take you home, when you get home, you tell all your friends about it, they text you and ask if you still trying to go out, you call up Braylon, meet him at his table, he brings you home, beats, and while i'm in bed sick for a week, you're in Planned Parenthood getting Plan B and literature on Herpes….

    And you know, women today fight for their right to be liberated sexually. Women have "Black sexual politics" and never have heard of Patricia Hill Collins… it's okay for them to date you and bone another dude…

    Explain to me, why i'm supposed to be chivlarous?

    Good faith? The evidence of things not seen… my a*s.

    1. Clap. Clap. Clap…clap…clapclapclapClapClapCLAPCLAPCLAP…thunderous applause!

      I guess I'm chivalrous by nature so that won't change, but Lord knows half these women don't deserve it.

      Although I don't mind the boy shorts.

    2. I'm sure that one of us here could come up with a similar kind of list of things that women are expected to do all while being treated like dog sh*t. Either way, 80% (rough guestimate) of you aren't doing any of that anyways so don't worry about expectations getting to high.

      1. Thank you Sane!

        (((APPLAUSE))))

        You took the words right out of my mouth because I was about to call BS! I believe if a man dates a woman of quality why would he not want to treat her in a chivalrous manner?

        1. 5 basic chivalrous things women should do by habit:

          1) Give head, even when s*x is not on the menu.

          2) Make sandwiches.

          3) Shut up.

          4) Make more sandwiches.

          5) Deal with morning wood. (They are allowed to solve this however they'd like.)

        2. @Eddie and Dr. Jay, do you guys really not think that we could come up with a lengthy list of all the things (a lot of time, conflicting things) we are expected to do?* This amuses me greatly. I'm sure If someone hasn't risen to this challenge this morning, I will be back a little later to do so.

          *I'm even sure that we could find one in a comment somewhere in a past post.

      2. Sane: "I’m sure that one of us here could come up with a similar kind of list of things that women are expected to do all while being treated like dog sh*t."

        CHALLENGE!

        A female commenter (where the heck is Teflon Temptress and Comeback Girl when you need them) needs to assemble a similar list.

      3. Aww, you know I luvs you Sane. But you have to admit that being a man pretty much means you get the shaft [PAUSE] in today's society….

    3. [I’m supposed to call you, ask you out, pick you up, get out the car in the cold, meet you at your door, open my car door, (you stanky a*s didn’t even have the courtesy to unlock my door), drive you to the date location, open the door, take out your seat, pay for it, take you back home, hell we might even have to go for a walk, I give you my coat, catch pneumonia, and take you home, when you get home, you tell all your friends about it, they text you and ask if you still trying to go out, you call up Braylon, meet him at his table, he brings you home, beats, and while i’m in bed sick for a week, you’re in Planned Parenthood getting Plan B and literature on Herpes….]

      This part made me giggle….

    4. May God Bless you and your family Dr. J, I hope you live a long time.

      I wonder do women actually realize that we have a pretty sizable to-do list when it comes to appeasing the fairer gender.

      My moms realized it when I had to travel by train to drop my hs gf home and was like "wow, that's what I put all those guys through"

      smh…

    5. Dr. J, Your response is legendary.

      LMAO.

      Women dont need all this shit, if they find the guy unusually attractive on dominate (in biological terms). The homie Braylon gets the cutty 80% of the time, until women reach their mid twenties and then begin to wise up and truly feel a sense of entitlement when it comes to chivalry.

      FYI, I do all the things on the list, not because I was taught to do it because it is chivalry, I do it because I was taught manners. Manners and Chivalry are not synonymous but their actions do often overlap.

    6. I just tipped my hat, with respect and sheer praise, to your reply. I daresay you should be a Harvard Kennedy School of Government candidate!

  20. I'm going to have to agree with Shubby_Doo on this one, this seems to be more of a manners thing than chilvary. It's a good list tho, and not to be fancy, this is what I am expecting from a man to do when we're out and about, not all the time, but at least 85% of the time.

    Good post

  21. HALLELUJAH! I love this post and completely agree! Its so true that holding open doors or letting a woman walk in front makes her feel special, and about the cardoor , I dont care if a man opens it for me, thats doesnt do nothing special for me,:)

  22. honestly you should put the toilet seat down as well as the cover before you flush always. do you know how much fecal and urine matter gets in the air once you flush your toilet? a lot. guess what else is in the vicinity of your toilet? your toothbrush. take a minute to think about that.

    1. Did you know that fecal and urine matter once in the air will travel up to 10 ft from their location? That is the most discusting thing ever. So yes, please put the lid down too… A lot of my favorite things are in the bathroom.

  23. There's manners and then there is chivalry.

    I'm not chivalrous towards every woman in the world. Only towards those I care about or like. The rest just get manners and can kick rocks. But also, how I delimit manners and chivalry slightly different.

    To me:
    Manners apply to all genders for the clear purpose of doing service. Also, because you will want to same treatment at some point. Like giving up your seat for an older person.

    Chivalry only applies to my treatment of women since I'm interested in women. All I have to do is have some repetitive contact with her and like her. "Like" as in platonic xor romantic.

    To me, listening isn't a part of chivalry. Maybe you included it to point out the importance of listening to our women. I agree that listening to our women is important. Also, there's a such of thing called listening too much. This applies to dealing with people of both genders though. Women want someone who listens but that doesn't mean you have to go through all those changes with them. It's more of an issue of being aware than listening all the time. When you actively listen to someone you begin to internalize what they're saying. Now if this woman is confused about her feelings and thus says contradicting things because she just saying all of what she feels that leads to her confusion and her confusion of her confusion, then internalizing all that will just frustrate a guy, make him cross-eyed and probably have him react in a way to make her feel like she can't talk to him.

    Listen sometimes, but always be aware. I've been told too many times by women, "I'm glad you didn't listen to me." #truestory

  24. I keep hearing this talk about chivalry vs manners.

    I argue that chivalry is a heightened sophisticated form of manners. you could even say that Etiquette and Manners and Chivalry are one in the same. By the way you guys sounds I get this

    Manners = common respectful things men should do for a lady

    Chivalry = a more internal, character based set of standards that men exude for those women in which they are courting/wifin/lovin/tryna one night

    Etiquette = rules of engagement in different public standings that may be deemed as rule by certain groups of people, which may not necessarily be adhered to by individuals outside of that niche group.

    I think there's fine lines and that they intersect.

    Carry on.

  25. Chivalry and manners are not the same thing. Chivalry is gender specific, manners are not. If I'm sitting down at a table, and someone comes to join me, I will stand up (usually more of a half way stand up sorta thing) when they arrive, regardless of their gender; those are manners. Also, everyone should exhibt good manners at all times; chivalry however is the choice of a gentleman, it's not required.

    In response to Dr. J, and everyone who applauded his post, I would say this: what is the other option. If you're with someone you care about… or… someone you're hoping to care about in the future, why wouldn't you treat them like a queen? I don't understand that. A man shouldn't go out of his way to be chivalrous to every woman he meets – he should show proper manners – of course – but he doesn't have to always pull out her chair and foot the bill and all that. But, if we're talking about a S/O or a wife or someone you hope will eventually become a S/O or a wife, why wouldn't you treat her like she was god's gift.

    In my household, we both work, but, I make significantly more than my wife, we split household chores pretty evenly and when we go out, I pay sometimes, and sometimes we go dutch. Because most stuff is 50/50 and because she pulls her own weight, does that mean I shouldn't open the door for her, pull out her chair, hail the cab, walk on the outside, give her my coat if she's cold? I mean really, what's the other option. "Oh word babe, you're a little chilly huh? Sounds like a personal problem to me." Nah man. When you love someone, you don't really keep score of who's contributing what to the relationship, you both just give your all and hope it balances out.

    1. Most, I hear what you are saying, and I agree in a RELATIONSHIP all those things are second nature to someone that you care for.

      The discussion is really about general chivalry towards women, who I personally feel don't deserve most of this list. Things need to be quid pro quo, If I am being chivalrous, is she playing her part and returning the favor? Am I at least being acknowledged, no matter how subtle,?

      Or is she apart of that group that's been spoiled by mommy/daddy/simp/sponsor into believing she deserves to be treated like a princess at all times cuz she breathes air?

      1. "Or is she apart of that group that’s been spoiled by mommy/daddy/simp/sponsor into believing she deserves to be treated like a princess at all times cuz she breathes air?"

        See this is my point though frodo… if she doesn't think she deserves to be treated like royalty, why would you take her out? What kinda chicks you dating? And of course it gets acknowledged. If she doesn't acknowledge it in the way she treats you, she should regret it later when she doesn't hear from you.

    2. Most: “In response to Dr. J, and everyone who applauded his post, I would say this: what is the other option. If you’re with someone you care about… or… someone you’re hoping to care about in the future, why wouldn’t you treat them like a queen?”

      Define “treat them like a queen”. I’m pretty chivalrous. I’ll pay for the first date, hold doors, give a woman my coat if she’s cold (how do women get cold when it’s 85 degrees out?), carry groceries, cut her grass, and shovel her snow, without her asking me to do it. But there are some things I'm just not going to do because someone considers it chivalrous. For example, I’m not opening car doors. Fock that. I hit the unlock button on the fob, hop in or stay there. And when we get to the destination, I’m not walking all the way around the car when all you have to do is pull the handle.

      I still think I treat my special lady like God’s gift, even though I don’t follow all the rules some moron in a tin can dreamt up hundreds of years ago.

      1. My rule with the car door is this… if I'm parked in such a way that I have to walk past the passenger side, to get to the driver side, I open the door for my wife… if I can walk to my side, without passing the passenger side, then we can both get in at the same time.

        And I've never had the opportunity to get out, walk around the car and open the door for a woman because I've never had a woman sit and wait for me to do so once we've arrived somewhere. If a woman did that, she'd stay her behind in the car.

    3. Two Reasons Most is my E-Boo:

      1. "…if we’re talking about a S/O or a wife or someone you hope will eventually become a S/O or a wife, why wouldn’t you treat her like she was god’s gift."

      2. "When you love someone, you don’t really keep score of who’s contributing what to the relationship, you both just give your all and hope it balances out."

      And for the record, hardly any women are cutting good dudes off of their roster because they didn't open a car door. It's a discussion about chivalry so you're gonna get a lot of "I'd never date a guy that didn't x,y,z" but it's mostly vibrato. In the real world, if we love you ,we love you, dirty drawls, flickin toe nails, eating in the bed #redbeansANDriceonyoursideofthebed, funky odors and all. We just ask for some basic decency and that you make us FEEL loved/protected.

    4. A man shouldn’t go out of his way to be chivalrous to every woman he meets – he should show proper manners – of course – but he doesn’t have to always pull out her chair and foot the bill and all that.

      Exactly. I think it's all about the message one is trying to send. When someone mentions chivalry, I immediately fill in the blank with some woman I care about. Then it's not really "chivalry" anymore, its just "treat[ing] her like [she's] god’s gift." In that case, your actions are driven by emotion.

      I think a lot of people plug into the equation just any woman, including the chick that in retrospect was cheating on you and the lady that's a friend of a friend of a friend that is constantly trying to find something wrong with you. There's this stigma of "chivalry" that says it's a list of things to-do regardless of the guys feelings and the context. This translates to me as most (all?) of us want to be emotionally motivated to go out of our way to do things for the women in our lives to the point where the stigma disappears (along with the word itself).

    1. I always wondered why women, when pumping gas will hook up the nozzle, select their grade and then get back in the car and lock the door.

      The more rational option would be what most men do and stand outside to verify you don't overfill/overspill down the side of your car. And hook the nozzle back up. I actually witnessed some woman try and drive off with the nozzle still hooked into the car.

      #yallstupid :0P

  26. Starita34: "You can have the win friend *confetti*…I just want you to put MY seat down when you come through to claim your real prize.

    I wouldn't pee on your seat, facetious is just what I do!

    PS: You know, you didn't have to strike that out, I want to claim my e-prize! :^D

      1. *blush* well come on over then ya big chivalrous piece of man meat you *bats eyelashes*

        *logging off computer, leaving work, headed to Starita's house wearing a white suit, with a dozen white roses, riding a white horse, looking like dude in the Old Spice commercial*

        1. *calling girlfriends to squeal, driving home, whipping up some dinner, taking a shower, slathering on some Love Spell on my freshly shaven legs, excitedly trying to remember what a good idckodwn is supposed to feel like, getting started while I eagerly anticipate your arrival…*

        2. Lmao @ Most.

          *contemplating how I'm feeling about my e-luva spreading his e-oats around these innawebs but confident in the face that he'll be back… *

        3. Most important chivalrous act:

          – Let the Lady finish first.

          Thanks for being the perfect "gentleman" Hugh. Great seeing you last night.

          I was on a horse ya'll! #Ciara

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