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There’s been a lot of chit chat and jib jab in the e-world about men mistreating women, playing with their feelings, and all other sorts of not-so-poppin’ foolery. With the black non hip-hop and sports internets being 92.3% women, it’s unavoidable. I’m content to be amongst the 5% of men waging war against the girl blog movement and providing mediocre relationship advice. And yes, I noticed that only adds up to 97.3%. The remaining 2.7% is for gays and transgenders…not that there’s anything wrong with that of course. You are who you are and I see you in heels with an adam’s apple!
Let me get serious for a bit though. I’ve been sitting on this post because I didn’t wanna come across as emo, lose all my followers and FB friends, then have to ride my scooter off a cliff. Like many of you out there, I’ve been hurt before. And each time that it’s happened, I’ve grown colder and awkwarder (I make up words). This doesn’t mean I walk around bodying heaux and not calling them after I vanish into the night. I’m far from that type. What I mean is that I keep finding items falling out of my suitcase as I walk away from the baggage claim at Mypast International Airport.
There was a point in time where I thoughtlessly did thoughtful things. There was a point in time where women began with my trust and it was theirs to lose. There was a point in time where I didn’t have to ask subtle questions about whereabouts or who some guy was that she hugged for a millisecond too long. There was a time where I didn’t expend so much energy trying to find the tragic flaw upfront rather than just letting things progress naturally and learning along the way.
I openly acknowledge that I don’t have the emotional resilience that women are obviously known for. Most men don’t whether they admit it or not and that’s why it takes us so long to love or at least get to a point where we are open and honest and you don’t have to rack your brain figuring out how we feel about you. So yeah, I do get over things and eventually bounce back, but it takes a helluva lot longer than I’d like it to. Let me talk for a sec specifically about heartbreak though.
Heartbreak, whatever the reason, has been one of the biggest bullies in my life. It’s been one of the few things that has made me not wanna go to school, work, or anywhere else other than my bed or couch. Heartbreak has taken my emotional lunch money one too many times and left me quick to put a hand over the pocket on my shirt that covers the most valuable part of me. Heartbreak has given me more nightmares than alcohol and benadryl. It has drained me more than the heat of a mid-summer day and left me infinitely re-charging. It.Sucks.
No. I don’t need a tissue. I’m fine. But anyway…
Am I moping around looking discouraged because of things that happened in my past? Nope. Am I listening to old school r&b and asking myself why oh why? Nope. Am I struggling in my ability to find and maintain a productive relationship where the only thing I worry about is making sure she’s happy? Yeah, I am. Do I find myself feeling equally as unfulfilled after sex as I did beforehand because I realized I don’t care about the woman laying next to me? Yeah, that happens too. Am I more ambiguous in describing how I feel now as a result of past mistakes and pain? You know it. That whole “love like you’ve never been hurt” doesn’t get a seat at my dinner table. I’ll continue to go about it cautiously until that special woman that makes me a better person makes the whole idea of heartbreak an afterthought. How’s that for optimism?
I say all this to say y’all aren’t the only ones that get your feelings hurt and your emotions rattled. Just remember that the guy you can’t get to commit, can’t get to tell you how he feels, and can’t seem to make sense of may have taken a traumatizing ride on the emotional roller coaster. You have 2 choices. Stay and work with him or be on to the next one. And if you’re one of the people out there being shady to a good man, you’re probably messing up the game for at least 5 to 10 women. Love changes a man and it isn’t always for the better particularly when heartbreak is involved.
That’s all I got.
I really don’t need a tissue and if you keep asking I’ll punch you in the face,