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Failed relationships: A necessary evil

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– Streetz

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I read my colleague Slim Jackson’s blog on heartbreak yesterday, and commended him for a great introspective piece of writing. Not only did this blog force him to look inward and analyze his actions after a tough situation, it showed woman a candid peek into the male psyche. It also made me, and probably most dudes who read, look inward as well. They say people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I hate this cliche, but the more I try to refute it, the more I look at past relationships and know that this statement is FACT. We go through life loving and losing, and although it is better to love and lose, rather than never feeling that emotion, the after effects of failed loved suck.

It has different effects on men and women, but at it’s core, we all feel hurt, disappointed, remorseful, angry, and at times inquisitive because we want to know the who what when where  and why of our past situations. Sometimes, we even try to cheat fate and rekindle an old flame, to see it extinguished more swiftly and callously than the last time. The pain of an ended relationship is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone, but those situations gave me an epiphany. An epiphany that angers me in it’s perfect logic. The trials and tribulations of failed relationships are Necessary in order for men and women to grow emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.

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This realization is a tough pill to swallow personally. Those who know me in real life know that defeat is something I do not accept. In fact, this is one of my tragic flaws (post coming next week). So when a relationship was at it’s end, I would try my best not to lose. If I saw grimy actions, or “other dudes” were in the pictures, I couldn’t see myself “losing” in the situation, so I did what I could to “win”, and ended up losing respect from myself, still angry, still hurt. These situations showed me that sometimes, relationships need to end. Holding on to memories, good times, good s*x, or any other temporary relationship positives is like putting a band aid on a bullet wound. These trials taught me that sometimes, when the writings on the wall, you need to read it!

A completely f*cked up situation can and will make you stronger. A friend of mine would always say to me “a moment of suffering for a lifetime of happiness”, once upon a time when I was in the fell clutch of circumstance. That quote definitely applies to relationships.  Relationships have their ups and downs. I’ve seen people go through some real sh*t and work it out, while others decided to part ways. Not all relationships stand the test of time, and throughout that time you will throw your hands up, say eff it, give up, and when you two can’t take it anymore, end it completely. You may think that going through the BS was pointless. I know I’ve questioned JC the God many times for some of the situations I was placed in. I would let Him know that “I get it. I get the point. You could’ve just texted me and I would’ve been good! There’s no reason for me to go through this again!”. Of course there is an ultimate reason, but I feel one of these reasons is to help you see the bad side of relationships, so that when you face similar situations with future BF/GFs, you’ll be prepared.

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If you look back at early relationships, you may laugh at how silly you were, the situations you and your SO faced, the way you both reacted immaturely, irrationally, or psychotically, to different situations. We realize we grew up and matured and we are now better off and have a more comprehensive view of relationships. I realized that some relationships, and the people in your life, are there as a testing ground for the relationship you are ultimately meant to succeed. This is hard to accept, but I believe it to be true. It’s especially difficult, when you think you’ve met “the one” and it doesn’t work out. Think about all the “power couples” in HS and College. How many of those relationships are still going strong? I commented once that those relationships are like histories great nations: Persia, Egypt, Rome, and others flourished for generations, and eventually fell, when people thought they were untouchable. We hold out hope that where we fail, they may succeed, and most of the time they don’t. That’s life, but we have to accept that they were never meant to be, and that important time in their lives is meant to be preparation for a stronger union in the future. Seasons change, but seasons are cyclical. The sun will shine again.

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Going through this heartbreak and frustration can also help you to help others. To be a support system for those who are going through what you experienced. To make it known that you are not an expert, but “this is what happened to you,  this is the lesson you learned, and this is how I think it can apply to you” I think it’s safe to assume that some of your favourite bloggers were inspired to write based on negative experiences with relationships, dating, s*x, and other aspects of male/female relationships (myself included)

In closing, I hate the fact that I don’t know when the music will end and where I will end up sitting in the game of relationships. It sucks to continually invest your time, heart, money, and focus into another individual, to have it blow up in your face. We go through this for a reason, and these men & women we encounter/experience  for the duration of our dating lives, will be the key architects in the design and creation of your approach to future relationships, and how you overcome previous errors will define you. Don’t let these lessons go to waste.

I got pretty deep on this one. [||]

Comment(73)

  1. This post is your G.O.A.T. I feel that as long as a person looks at each situation as one that will get them closer to that seemingly unreachable place called happiness, they will gain what they need to grow, learn, and mature.

    This post touches me very deeply because of everything that I've gone through in my past. Regardless of the hurts, disappointments, and setbacks that we've experienced, we must look at them as the price we pay to learn about ourselves and each other. We can't look at each failed relationship as a reason to place blame on somebody because it will get you nowhere. And you'll just continue to fail. Take it in stride and keep it as a lesson learned.

  2. Sometimes, we even try to cheat fate and rekindle an old flame, to see it extinguished more swiftly and callously than the last time.

    ^^^I am SO guilty of this!

    It sucks to continually invest your time, heart, money, and focus into another individual, to have it blow up in your face.

    ^^^LET THE CHU'UCH SAY AMEN-DAH!

    This was a great post & i can relate to it like yesterday's post…i go through new potential relationships with hopes that it will work out but something tends to go wrong and i'm left where i started…its a terrible feeling and all one can hope that the pain will ease up & you will be able to walk with your head held high again.

    Again, great post streetz. I'mma give you a hug next time i see you (as if i don't whenever i see you, lol)!

  3. Yes, Streetzie you went deep on this one..and I love it. 😉

    All of my relationships ended not all badly but all were learning experiences..I try to look at myself and what I could've done differently..instead of looking at all the negatives of the other person, too…sometimes, you may find that you caused a coupla break-ups or that you contributed in some way….so, its all good and its all about learning and growing.

  4. APPLAUSE

    I enjoyed reading this post so much

    " The trials and tribulations of failed relationships are Necessary in order for men and women to grow emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually"

    I agree as i've realised that every heartbreak makes me strive for growth, and improvement. There is a reason for every hurt and the important thing is not to dwell on why a relationship failed, but what good lessons we take from such failed relationship.

    Great post Streetz

    1. My first time here.

      Your post was deep and quite good.

      To learn is what we indeed must do, even if the reason we get to the learnin' sucks. 🙂

      Makes us smarter for the next time…

  5. Streetz, great post!

    I so feel you on this. I too am a person who hates to fail. I hate to "fail" so much that I've spent months on a decision trying to weigh short term gain against a long term fail (like I know what's gonna happen in the long term).

    "They say people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime."

    This right here, is TRUTH!

    There are so many failed relationships that I can't even be mad about because he put me up on game. Because I was completely swindled by guy #3, please know, guy #7 will NOT get away with that.

    I've even gone so far as to extend this philosophy to all other aspects of my life. It's easier (for me at least) to think that I got that crazy job because I needed to learn that the people at work won't always be your friends, or it's easier to catch flies with honey than with vinegar.

    Every experience is (or can be) a lesson. In the words of my mama, "What did you learn today?"

  6. very great read friend! thank you for sharing!

    I also hate to "lose." and its ever harder for me personally because I'm not a competitor at all. My mentality is– this is it, and I'm gonna be the best to ever do it, there is no competition. until your best just isn't enough. ahh well, such is life. still sucks, but you gotta keep striving and living life.

    🙂

  7. I read this post at 2:00 a.m. because hubby was snoring (where's that hammer when you need it?) but something that you said really touched me…

    "I couldn’t see myself “losing” in the situation, so I did what I could to “win”, and ended up losing respect from myself, still angry, still hurt. These situations showed me that sometimes, relationships need to end."

    SAY THAT SHIT! >>>>>>><<<<<<<< this is the realest..truest statement that I have ever read and when you end up losing respect from yourself it's time to walk away…walk away and heal. Thank you for writing this, because it shows us that those of us who try to "fix" things can sometimes make them worse and it's OK to let go.

    1. “I couldn’t see myself “losing” in the situation, so I did what I could to “win”, and ended up losing respect from myself, still angry, still hurt. These situations showed me that sometimes, relationships need to end.”

      Spot on guvna. I knew in my head that I needed to end a relationship long before I could actually make myself do it. I kept talking to people about it, asking them how THEY ever broke away in the past. The only thing they'd ever say was "I just decided to be done". Well that wasn't too helpful.

      I used the old "but I love him" way too many times for my liking and then one day, I realized. #A-HA moment I was compromising ME. *gas face* That was my breaking point. I don't compromise ME for a man. No sir. That's when I wrote the 4 page letter #Aaliyah and said, no more. I will no longer be who I think you want me to be just to get half of what I need from you. It was over. No contact since that day. 29 days ago. I still love him. I still miss him. But I'm no longer compromising myself and that makes me feel pretty damn good about ME. I'd call that a #win.

  8. Yo Streetz, I'm happy for you and I'ma let you finish, but Slim Jackson writes the deepest posts of all time.

    But in all seriousness, this is a great follow up. I'll have more to add later after I print these TPS reports.

  9. I am certian this post as well as yesterday's was writtern with me and a friend in mind!!

    Ending a relationship that you thought was something is very hard to do. As my friend said you are typically left sitting by yourself wondering "what the hell happened? Have I been bamboozled or hoodwinked?" And those are the worst thoughts or feelings to have!

    However as most have already stated ending a relationship does allow for one to sit back and reflect on the ENTIRE situtaion; good, bad and the ugly. Don't change the good you can bring to a new relationship, work to change the bad and never repeat the ugly!

  10. Wow, you guys are DOING it this week! This post hits home, very close to home. My ex-SO and I just went through this. And I agree with everything you said. Nothing more…'tis all.

  11. Failed relationships have taught me more about myself than most other things in life. I def gotten to the "C'mon Slim. Look at yourself" point and will do all that I can to never go back there again. I've also learned a lot about people and how they aren't always what they seem no matter how long you've known them. Or may you didn't get to know them as well as you should have before you made that commitment.

    BAWSES do introspection.

    1. "BAWSES do introspection" yes they do!

      Sometimes it's easier to blame the other person than it is to really take a good look at yourself and realize that you don't like some of what you see.

      The good thing is that once you face something you don't like about yourself, the hard part is over and you can focus on making changes.

    2. I definitely have to do the "look in the mirror" exercise every now and again and hype myself to remember who I am to get through this.

      This is when those friends who are the biggest shyt talkers help. They can make you elieve you can walk on water, and eff these hoes…lol

      1. This is when those friends who are the biggest shyt talkers help. They can make you elieve you can walk on water, and eff these hoes…lol

        eSPECial…….I LOVE those friends. Eff dat kucka, he ain't ish anyway. Girl you got your…..and your…..you do NOT need dis knucka here.

        This post is #thatisall!!!

  12. " I know I’ve questioned JC the God many times for some of the situations I was placed in. I would let Him know that “I get it. I get the point. You could’ve just texted me and I would’ve been good! "

    THIS!!

    Great post Streetz, it was very thought provoking. I've had my heart broken by the same person twice. The second time around I was like really God? and felt foolish that I loved even more deeply the second time around. So for awhile I became a "maneater" #no pause (not proud of that) but I can truly say I can look back and feel like I am glad that I went through what I did. I AM a better person because of it all.

    1. "She only comes out at night…the lean and hungry type" I am not mad at that…but at least you stopped. Sometimes we all go crazy and bug out — the important thing is that you reeled yourself in. No one should have the power to take you out of yourself.

    2. I know how you feel… when i went througha situation twice I felt liek such an @sshole. I know that every experience teaches you soemthing, but going through the same thing twice…. couldn't get it. Don't know if I still do.

      Reecie specifically let me know I was an ass in situations too LOL, and sometimes it takes homies to show you the error of your ways.

      Live and learn and I wont be THAT dude to make THOSE mistakes again! (i hope)

  13. I guess this is “Feelings” week at SBM.org.

    “The trials and tribulations of failed relationships are Necessary in order for men and women to grow emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.”

    As a nice guy who did all the thoughtful, nice guy things for a girl I dated when I was young, I was burnt when she cheated on me. After being hurt and seeing every a-hole guy have a bevy of women around them, I became an a-hole for about five years. Treating women like crap earned me plenty of attention from the “ladies”, but I realized that I wasn’t the jerk I was pretending to be. That experience taught me that while not caring about women’s feelings will get you plenty of $ex, I needed to find a woman that could appreciate what I had to offer. I had to develop to a certain level of maturity, as well as finding that maturity in a woman.

    I say that to say that “losing” helps you win. I allowed someone to break me, but just as a doctor who breaks the legs of a severely bow-legged child to get their legs to grow straight, I had to “lose” in order to grow and become who I am. A loss is only a loss from a myopic perspective, the loss in the aggregate is a learning experience. Losses are absolutely necessary: there have been great NBA and NFL dynasties, but no one has ever finished the season undefeated.

    I remember out first date, our first argument

    Our very first breakup and makeup that got us to this moment,

    And every girlfriend, and every one night stand,

    Every heartbreak and every heartache

    Led me to you, it brought me to you

    and made me better, better suited for you

    *I will not be out-emo’d by a Que and a Haitian!

    1. On point as usual. In the end it's about being true to who YOU are. "I realized that I wasn’t the jerk I was pretending to be. That experience taught me that while not caring about women’s feelings will get you plenty of $ex, I needed to find a woman that could appreciate what I had to offer."

      Grand mal seizure @ *I will not be out-emo’d by a Que and a Haitian!

      Never thought I'd say some nonsense like this but, emo dudes are sexy just keep your black nail polish, striped shirts, stank attitudes, crying over a double rainbow, dyed Justin Beiber hair, black lipstick, threats of self harm, and skinny jeans to yourself.

      1. Wait, emo dudes wear black lipstick and nail polish? Maybe I need to get out more. On second thought, scratch that, I'm good where I'm at.

  14. Nicely written Streetz

    General comment:

    Funny thing about relationships that aren't meant to be…you're always given an opportunity to escape…to climb outta that window. However, if you don't, and you choose to stay, something inevitably worse will happen next. Mark my words. Look back at bad relationships and look for all the damn windows that you slammed shut and then look at all the B.S. that ensued.

    I used to tell my niece for years to keep reminding herself of my personal motto: I love you, but I love me MORE. She finally got tired of hitting her head up against the wall (by not climbing outta the windows…ever) and she called me the other day and said "Auntie…it took me a while, but I get it now. I get it". Proud Auntie moment *wiping tears* lol

    1. It's great that you've been telling your niece this. I wish someone would have pounded this into my head the past 3 years.

      I've decided to go abroad for half a year, and it's probably one of the best things I could have ever done for the simple reason that I am falling back in love with myself.

      I'm not saying that to be vain, but all of these "necessary evils" had taken its toll, and I hadn't really taken the time to truly address who I was, who I was becoming, and what my immediate/long-term goals are for my life.

      Taking the time to get to know me and how I function, why I do things, and learning to better communicate how and why I feel such ways has been my main goals. I won't say I'm completely there, but each day I become a better me.

      Re-learning to love myself and truly listening to God's direction have been one of my greatest accomplishments in my life–which has recently happened. I treat myself better. I treat others better. I'm a better participant of life because I love me more.

      1. Whitt..it sounds like you're doing everything you need to be doing for yourself.

        Life sucks sometimes, plain and simple…but as long as your foundation is solid (and you're cementing yours right now) you can take many blows and continue right on steppin'. Everything that you're doing is building self confidence, self esteem and most importantly self worth.

        I may be here for a while (on this site)…maybe not…but if I never "see" you again…always keep that with you "I love you, but I love ME more" And one more thing…your parachute is being packed right now with all the effort you're putting in to be the best you…so don't be afraid to jump out of that window if it presents itself in your future relationships.

        Wishing you love and peace 🙂

  15. Awesome post, Streetz!!

    I agree that failed relationships are necessary so that we can learn from them, and continue to grow. However, if we find ourselves in the same situations every 6-9 months with a failed relationship, then that means we are not learning. I believe God allows us to go through things so we can learn, grow, and make the necessary changes in our life. And I believe he will continue to allow us to get in our mess if we continue to make the same mistakes, the same bad decisions, or continue to walk a path that he has not laid out for us. Its the same in relationships. This is why I think its so important to take a step back from the dating game after a failed relationship so we can fully analyze the situation. If the past 2 relationships both had the same pattern from start to finish, then its time to break that pattern. And that requires us to be completely honest with ourselves. Introspection can suck, but so can constantly having the same relationship problems repeat themselves again and again.

    Again, great post, Streetz. I like you deep like this.(pause). 🙂

  16. I was unable to comment yesterday, and don't have much time today. I just wanted to let both you and Slim know that I love your posts. Also, emotions can be sexy. 🙂

  17. Slim and Streetz, back-to-back homeruns.

    A corollary that could be gained from this: without some form of conflict, two people cannot truly know how to build a successful relationship.

    My lady once told me that her best friend and boyfriend NEVER had an argument spanned over some years (in some attempt to prove some point that I don't even care to remember). My response: "Firstly, one of you is lying. A relationship without an single argument is doomed to fail. A relationship with too many arguments is doomed to fail. We are neither of those." A big part of relationships is conflict resolution. Conflict is a necessary evil, I guess. Necessary as long as there isn't too much of it, kind of like mustard.

    Where her best friend's relationship now? They broke up over some spilled orange juice, literally. (joking… kind of) Where are we? In that happy place… Yet another example of "I'm so glad you didn't listen to me." In a relationship, someone must always know better. (hopefully its not the same person always)

  18. great post son. when a relationship fails i try not to see it as a failed relationship but what not to do in my next relationship. i take the good and try to leave the bad. i understand that i'm a work in progress so i just try to better myself. yeah it hurts but like you said it's necessary. it comes along with dating.

    not only do i try to learn from the mistakes i've made in my past relationships, i look and observe other relationships and take bits and pieces out of that. "a smart man learns from his mistakes, but a truly wise man learns from the mistakes of others." <—i live by this mantra.

  19. All this group hugging is cool and all, but… the next time Big Pimpin or I Just Wanna Love You comes on in the club, I'ma need Streetz and Slim to sit down.

    Psych Naw… yall cool. I just can't relate to much of this. I can appreciate where it comes from though so, thanks for sharing. Streetz, you already know, I been encouraging you to stop frontin and jump your emo a** over the broom for years. I'm just waiting for the wedding invitation.

    1. LOL!

      Time Out! Why does a brother has to be labelled as emo when he gives a introspective look into a topic? Yall act like I sit in a corner in the fetal position, with a blanket listening to Kid Cudi's album and drinking moscato!

      I think you spoke about ending relationships and walking away.. maybe that's why you can't relate? I don't know. I just find it hard to believe that anyone wouldn't have some type of trial and tribulation in a relationship that shows them how to operate going forward.

      And as for me and jumping brooms? Unless I become one of the Charmed ones, that's not happening anytime soon I don't think…lol

      1. "Ya time is coming Streetz, you one girl away". I hate to tell you this homey, but… I'm like 95% sure you're going to marry your next girlfriend. I just have one of those feelings… me and the Mrs. talked about… she agrees.

        I wasn't calling you emo because of this post, I was calling you emo because in real life you're emo! In a good way though. Not in a sucker MC Kid Kudi sorta way, more in a I care about how I feel sorta way.

        "N*ggas wanna know what Streetz' achilles heel is… LOVE… he can't get enough of it…"

        But as far as trials and tribulations in my relationship history are concerned, my experience is actually the opposite yours. I did serious, long term emotional damage to two women who loved me but towards whom I can't say my feelings ever stretched too far beyond mild affection. Seeing the long lasting effects I had on them, how hurt they were, how much therapy and counseling it took them to move forward is what made me take a much closer look at how I was handling relationships.

        1. Most, I'll put down nineteen-hunnid and six dollars, you'll get wedding invites from Mr.Emo Sesame Streetz in 18 months.

    2. LMAO gotcha!

      This dude Most turning chicks into mental cases.

      Mrs Most be yokin cats up (ask Fa00 lol) so I already know!

      We'll see about the predictions…

      And yes my emotions are strong. Eff it tho u right **turns up 808s n Heartbreaks*

      *Leaves before they even cut the cake*

    3. [All this group hugging is cool and all, but… the next time Big Pimpin or I Just Wanna Love You comes on in the club, I’ma need Streetz and Slim to sit down.]

      LOL!!!!!

      Great Post — SBM y'all on a ROLL (Emotional) this week. 😉

      *thatisall*

    4. The most interesting man in the world once told me

      "I think it’s only when you’ve found a life partner that you begin to truly appreicate the other relationships for what they were. Not missed opportunites, but experiences. Experiences that have their own intrinsic value. Being a married man now, I appreicate my past relationships, even the ones I -at the time – wished would have been more. Without them, I wouldn’t be here. "

      So I think he gets it, even if he doesn't remember today 😉

  20. Long time reader, first time commenting. This article was really great and definitely touched on what I'm going through right now. It sucks to grow up but I can't wait to the future brings to me next.

  21. “I couldn’t see myself “losing” in the situation, so I did what I could to “win”, and ended up losing respect from myself, still angry, still hurt. These situations showed me that sometimes, relationships need to end.”

    This is me. I tried to make something work for nearly 5 years (off and on) simply because it seemed like it wouldn't work and after year 1 I felt too deep into it to walk away. Smh. I wanna smack myself every time I think about. Sometimes things and people are just not worth what you'll do to yourself. Moms had to sit me down one day and say 'you're holding onto the ground when you could be flying' and she was right. I was too afraid to find out what was out there in the unknown and that's what I believed would occur when I lost.

    Now that I've been there and done that I'm so thankful for the experience- I'm able to keep my eye out for situations I shouldn't be a part of. That ish was cool in my late teens/ early twenties but I'm getting too old to waste time.

        1. Nah I'm at work, was too afraid.

          Thanks RedLady …

          LoL @ Gillette tryna sneak free advertising in. SMH. SBM needs to send them a bill and put them in the top right corner of the page with SingleMuslims.com and all that… lol.

  22. I've been an avid reader of this blog for almost a year. Today is my first day commenting, but I felt the need to because the last two posts have helped me to put some things into perspective.

    My boyfriend and I recently broke up, and it really hit me hard. He was my first love, and although I knew I should have called it quits at the first sign of tomfoolery I stayed because I felt that walking away meant that I was giving up on him, giving up on us, and I wanted to win.

    Needless to say, things got worse and I begin to feel like I was losing myself because I was trying so hard to keep something going that should have been deaded a long time ago. It wasn't until I got so tired of the BS and realized that I deserved better, that I was able to walk away.

    Kudos to the authors of the last two posts. It's nice to know that there's still light at the end of the tunnel.

  23. This was indeed your best post. Thanks for being honest enough to share. Love the quote from your friend, “a moment of suffering for a lifetime of happiness." This is true.

  24. What if there is really no lesson to be learned? What if there is really no need for introspection? What if 'Hey the shoe just does not fit; May I try a different shoe?' B-) See my personal opinion is I NEVER take any baggage into the next relationship. Why? I feel I'm man enough to judge and be judged on my own merits; And the same goes for each woman I date! The reasons for a break up are simply the reasons, nothing more nothing less. To view this any differently is to effectively say all women are the same! They are not! What works for one woman may not work for another even if the circumstances and contexts were identical!. . And the same goes for men! The lesson you THOUGHT you learned is therefore not applicable to your new SO. Generally speaking women love posts which show the sensitive side of a man (and for this post my brutha I am most grateful) but on the flip side of the same coin before the clock strikes midnight tonight, just about every woman reading this blog is gonna have a male bashing session and deny male usefulness 3 times, in some form or fashion . . . with her girls! This is really simple math; On any continent, pick just about any species and the females outnumber males! This is macro economics in it's simplest terms. Add in the limited time window available for women (again pick a species) to birth children, throw in the fact men can have children as long as they have swimmers and what you have is a recipe for GAME! What I do is think with the head on my shoulders and wait for the real woman to manifest herself (not the woman she wants me to see). IF I CAN DEAL WITH THE REAL WOMAN I STAY IF NOT I BOUNCE. . 'respectfully'. . . . Seeing the real WOMAN may take more than a few drinks and a couple of dates. . It may take months or years! MEN: What you SEE is NOT what you get! SAMPSON DID NOT HEED THIS ADVICE! ( since my bro used JC) . . . THEY DON'T CALL IT MAKE UP FOR NOTHING! This is the REAL! When a break up happens, it happens. IT IS WHAT IT IS!

    1. See my personal opinion is I NEVER take any baggage into the next relationship. Why? I feel I’m man enough to judge and be judged on my own merits; And the same goes for each woman I date! The reasons for a break up are simply the reasons, nothing more nothing less. To view this any differently is to effectively say all women are the same! They are not!

      ^^

      This point is flawed fam. Think of this: When youre younger and theres a hot stove, mom says dont touch. You dont listen and touch anyway, getting your hand burned. Years later, you see a hot stove, if you dont touch, that means that you learned from a previous encounter that Hot stoves burn and you avoid repeating the same pitfalls.

      Its like gaining EXP in a role playing game (yes I geeked out). To call it baggage is avoiding and deny the fact that you did learn. and if you didnt, thats on you.

      1. I totally feel what you sayin My Brutha; However, if women were hot stoves this lesson would apply to all stoves equally and our jobs would be oh so much easier! Unfortunately for us, women are not as predictable as stoves. . .what makes one woman as angry as a fire cracker will barely be of importance to another woman! The mistake is applying what we learned in one situation to another situation without taking into account we've changed a variable. This new variable is 'the next woman', and she now composes 50% of your new equation! As you know, when you change variables in an equation the answer must change as well! As a case in point; I have 6 sisters . . They are the best actresses in the world! I've actually heard them discuss what role they'll play today in order to keep their partner off balance. One day it's 'the dumb barbie needs a man to lift toothpicks' . . The next day it's 'super b***h don't need a man for shizzle' , the next day it's picky porsha the man can't do anything right and then it's Hally Berry . . Sexy as heck! And you never know on any given day which character will show up! That's too much work. Men are THE SUN . . women are THE PLANETS. Woman means: 'From Man'! (Ask your minister). . Or google it. If I adjust to a woman I'll forever be adjusting. . no progress will be made this way. In nature, males and females are not equals. 'IF real men handle their roles, real women will handle theirs!' (This is a quote from one of my sisters). . And she's absolutely right!

        1. #1 I thought u were gonna break into a romeo/juliet monologue

          #2 its not about adjusting, its about experiences, whats happened, and how best to react. Nothing in life is 100% plug in play, but just like SCIENCE Im about to make a educate guess, theorize, and apply theories to practice. If they work cool, if not thats cool too.

          You dont have to give up who you are or your core values to recognize similar situations or better analyze brand new situations, and act accordingly.

  25. ” The trials and tribulations of failed relationships are Necessary in order for men and women to grow emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually”

    This right here hit the nail on the head. I must agree with all the other posters that this is a very great and thorough post. Great job Jeezy 😉 It took me a very long time to begin to accept that whatever hell and heartbreak I went through was necessary for me to grow. I grew stronger, smarter about how I approach relationships, and closer to God. I now know exactly what I want in a relationship, and what I just will not accept. Prayerfully, the next one will be the last one but you just never know. Whatever happens, I have not lost hope and am still willing to learn.

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