Home Dating & Relationships Laws of Attraction I Don’t Work Out Because I’m Too S*xy

I Don’t Work Out Because I’m Too S*xy

Yeah girl. Just keep that up! Pause...

As I saw an older and out of shape caucasian fellow jogging up the street very very slowly, I started to laugh and make a couple jokes to a few of my Blackberry Messenger (BBM) contacts, then I realized he was doing more to take care of himself than I was—at least for the time being. Aside from realizing I needed to find a new gym, I got to thinking about a fairly grown question:

At what age do people consider the way someone takes care of their health when considering a significant other?

I’m not talking about physical appearance alone. We all know people with that speedy metabolism or natural fit look that do little more than open refrigerator and fast food restaurant doors. I admit that I’m a hater of these types. This isn’t to say that I immediately head to Sloppyville when I don’t work out. I hide my lack of gym class heroism pretty well. And the sad part is that over my lifetime, there has only been one woman that has ever mentioned that she liked the fact I took care of my health. Granted, she was making this assumption based on a shirtless Facebook picture that was taken immediately after a set of push ups, curls, dips, and crunches…but still.

To me, fitness and health are two of the tops things I notice about a woman. Yesterday’s post by SBM got me thinking about this in a bit more detail. Of course people were talking about their preferences and all the things that can be noticed within a few seconds. Fitness can be one those those things at well, but overall health falls into a different bucket. Of course there are those who look great with all their wholesome thickness as RCLS stated on Friday and I’m perfectly fine with that. But what about those who say things like:

See Also:  The One That Got Away: An Ode To Almost Love

“I mean…I look good. I been holdin it together all these years without working out, so why start now?”

Someone actually said that foolishness to me. Immediate softness below the waist for yours truly. Chances are if I were to take a look at her momma, I’d get a true indication of what she’d look like in 15-20 years and I don’t mean that disrespectfully. Fortunately/Unfortunately, I’m too lazy to go through all that research in advance.. I thought a lot about why I take this so serious as such a relatively fairly not OD young age. Perhaps it’s because of things I’ve experienced with regard to family members like high diabetes, high blood pressure, and deadly strokes. Maybe it’s because I’ve played a sport(s) my whole life. Maybe it’s because I’m scared I’ll sign a contract (pronounced marriage) only to find out that I didn’t read the balloon clause that releases her of all accountability for blowing up beyond my wildest nightmares.

Regardless of my banter, I’m curious. At what point do you start to care about how the other person takes care of their health (eating habits, working out, etc.)? Do you even think about it? Do you do what you can at this point to take care of your health or are you just enjoying your youth?

See Also:  The Claim Game: Revisited

Not Quite Read for the PX90 but Still Looking Like I Do Something,

Twiiter: @slimjackson Website: www.threewaystotakeit.com


  1. I'm already thinking about it because I have a family history of heart disease. I personally have to pay attention to the types of food I put in my body and the number of times I work out because I'm predisposed. When a man works out and can work out with me, (although we don't need to) I think that is so sexy. Order a salad to go with your turkey burger, I notice and go damn I can't wait to get him home. Seriously, I don't care if I'm alone in this. That's my idea of sexy.

  2. I started noticing in my 20's. I had a boyfriend that was that version of "skinny fat (w/a saggy booty)" AND had a habit of smoking. He'd quit right before he met me and started up again when we were together. Many arguments ensued.

    Men already die before women, so I DEFINITELY am not trying to be with someone that's going to try and hurry the process along. That's just the way I see it. And since I feel my best (read: sexiest) after a workout, then most likely, there'll be much fun to be had "getting clean."

    My whole family carries their weight well so you can't tell when we've fallen off, but I notice it..

    It's important to me. I'm in my 30's and since the metabolism has slowed, I need to be cognizant of what I eat. But sugar is going to be the death of me. You heard it here.

  3. lol I actually was commented on how good I'm keeping it together and I hella lied and said it was cuz of my personal trainer ::looks to dude to the left:: (he actually is a personal trainer tho)

    I really need to chill off that ego trip cuz bein 25 and stressed out will make u look like u be in the gym for 2hrs 3x a week (wat my routine used to be) and its a lie

    ALL A LIE!!!!

    I'm sure I wont end up bein 40 fat n fake but you gotta take initiative now right?

    *pardon the slang*

  4. It's been high on my list for years. If a guy isn't at least trying to stay in shape, it won't work out for us (no pun intended!) I will be 40 next year & I work hard at least 5 days a week to keep it together. If he's at home on the couch every day, it's eventually gonna be a problem.

  5. Wow, a pretty good read. What you said in this post is what I been thinking about for years for myself, and who my mate shall be. Do I want someone who had things fairly easy to get by or someone who puts in the work, struggles, thinks for the future, and no matter what grinds it out hoping things shall be grant down the line. That's what I pay notice to, within true friends and special someone.

    Again, great post…kudos

  6. I would've bet my life that Streetz wrote this as I continued to read and scroll down…lol.

    I used to work out like a BEAST everyday…when I was married..my ex was a real stickler about me working out..he's naturally slim..so, to stay pleasing my man I went to the gym..and I found that I really enjoyed it after awhile…then, I found out he was seeing this girl with a nicki minaj booty behind my back..I was like eff it. All this work I'm putting in and he still aint satisfied. He used to say lil comments like "don't get fat" and all that….he had my head messed up for awhile..I was 5'5' and 135 pounds and he's calling me fat..had me jogging around rock creek park and haines point with him…..had me up at midnite doing reps, jacks and ropes with him…negroe was super crazzy about weight….I look back and wonder was I in my right mind…clearly I wasn't. Now, I'm super paranoid about men who talk about my weight or anybodys weight..I get defensive. My current beau wants me to get bigger…he likes thickness on his women…. can't even comprehend that, but its a change from my freako weight rider ex- husband….

    I said, all this to say…no, I don't care about physical fitness…I do care about histories of mentall illness though lol….I'm always going to keep it tight for me….because I don't want to let myself go..and I tend to meet and date men who are naturally slim….so they have no worries about their own weight…..

    You touched on a dark era in my life with this one. Hope you aren't too much of a stickler about weight and women….but, just adding my two cents.

    1. I would’ve bet my life that Streetz wrote this

      Then you and I would've lost our lives together. I just KNEW who wrote this when it came this morning…

      Anyways, I notice things about your (the person of the opposite sex whom I'm interested in) health but it doesn't necessarily manifest itself in gym time or fruits/veggies.

      1. Do you smoke?

      2. Do you drink excessively?

      3. Are you a binge eater?

      4. Late night feaster?

      5. Would you rather drive that block to Starbucks then walk it?

      6. Are you opposed to non-processed foods?

      And if any of the above are your vices do you have another way of dealing with it… so do you workout to combat the late night muchies? Do you not eat pork b/c you love McDonald's? Simple things that in the long run of life will start to take toll.

    2. I cant say I don't care at all about physical fitness..I kinda have to care..since, I was diagnosed with Hypertension two years ago…its imperative that I keep my weight within a healthy range and get regular excercise….I don't care as much about other's physical fitness regime…it's not a sticking point for me. As long as they don't smoke. I can't tolerate smokers.

    3. QueenT: "My current beau wants me to get bigger…he likes thickness on his women…."

      Wait. You described yourself as having "huge brea$ts" and have junk in the trunk, and he wants you bigger? Most guys don't realize there is a fine line between thick and fat, and he's trying to get you to dance on that line.

    4. "I said, all this to say…no, I don’t care about physical fitness…I do care about histories of mentall illness though lol"

      this made me SCREAM!

      and I thought Streetz wrote the post too initially. lol

      1. You all woulda lost your life on the bet of who this post came from.lol. He ain't the only one that cares about health and fitness around these parts. Maybe it's a light-skin thing… **runs and hides and snickers**

  7. I don't mind the Gym for the most part, but it gets a little tougher to go during the summer months (afterwork socializing in NYC, bbq's, parties, etc.) that is why I go HardBody during the winter months. I started my gym regimen last week and it's kickin my azz right about now. *Lesigh*

  8. At what point do you start to care about how the other person takes care of their health (eating habits, working out, etc.)?

    ^^^I've been noticing lately but most of the guys i've dated were in great shape or they were going back to work out in order to get into better shape.

    Do you even think about it?

    ^^^Now i do since i'm starting to get back on that grind! (To the yoga studio i go tomorrow!)

    Do you do what you can at this point to take care of your health or are you just enjoying your youth?

    ^^^I absolutely take care of my health. I have family members in the health profession so it has always been stressed to me from an early age that taking care of my health is important.

    This is something that has been quite heavy on my mind lately because of a new friendship with someone who is a personal trainer…one of my cousin's is also a personal trainer now so i can't help but thinking about it now!

    Good post Slim!

  9. Ohhhh this is my SUBJECT right here! I can honestly tell you that I have always worked out, ran track in HS and in college and have always kept some type of fitness in my life.

    My husband on the other hand was one of those "naturally fit" people and it wasn't until he was diagnosed with both diabetes and high blood pressure that it SCARED his behind into the gym after umteen years. Now he works out 3-5x per week and he says it's just to keep himself alive.

    My sister's husband NEVER worked out. She has always kept herself fit and he finally joined a gym for the 1st time in his life at 53 years old. I said "how did you get him to join a gym?" She said, "I told him, look at you just sitting on the couch DYING!" We hollered but at least the point was made and it got him motivated.

    My 3rd and final pet peeve is the TYPE of gym. The gym that I was a member of was really comfortable. I liked it and it had people in my age group (older, married, or women who have recently had children and are trying to get back into shape). Everyone was friendly and had a motivating word for one another. The gym was also expensive, so my husband decided that he found a NEW gym around the way and cancelled my comfy spot and had us join this NEW gym that is much cheaper. It's a brand new facility and clean and huge but EVERYONE in there is all single and looking to hook up with someone. EWL!

    Everyone in there STARES at each other because they're checking each other out because they want to hook up. There's a bunch of juice heads in there also. I came home and told him, I HATE THAT NEW GYM! IT'S A HOOK UP SPOT! I GUESS YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR!

    I hope I can keep my blinders on enough to keep going…if not, I will pay the extra money to go back to my old place. F* that….

    Thanks for listening.

      1. LOL. A friend of mine out in Baltimore said that his gym is literally a club at night. People were tired of trying to work out and look good so the gym owners thought it would be a good idea to provide 'mingle time' post-gym workout time.

        1. See? That right there? That defeats the entire purpose of working out. Gym by day, club by night. GTF outta here.

          I never realized until I switched gyms, that some gym's actually have a certain demographic type that they cater to. It's really interesting.

    1. "Everyone in there STARES at each other because they’re checking each other out because they want to hook up."

      this is what happens at the YMCA i go to. which is why in the evenings i'd rather hoop than lift. i'll lift on days when i go in the mornings and there are a bunch of old people. you would think it's just guys that have a staring problem. smh

  10. It's always been a concern of mine…though when I was younger, it was more subconscious.

    My parent worked out growing up. My mom would take us to park w/ her as she ran the bleachers in the stadium. My father would lift weights at home and go for runs. Even now at 50 he works out and practices ju jitsu (spelling?). They would take us to park when we were little and encourage fitness.

    It's been a lifestyle for me…and with that said, I look for a guy who has the same lifestyle. That's not to say I'm OD about everything…eating hay and sh*t and doing squats while waiting for the subway, but I'm very aware of what I eat and how much I work out. It's very much a turn off when I'm in better shape than a guy, or he can't rock w/ me on the basketball court. Or eats recklessly. I just can't.

    This is my 1st winter working out in a few years. Usually I take the cold months off (I'm an outdoor person), so I'm pretty pleased with myself in joining a gym. Another "to do" checked up my list for the year.

    1. That’s not to say I’m OD about everything…eating hay and sh*t and doing squats while waiting for the subway,

      Girl this was funny…I like how you think and I agree with you.

    2. "That’s not to say I’m OD about everything…eating hay and sh*t and doing squats while waiting for the subway,"

      Hilarious image no matter who it is. If I drove by and saw someone doing that, I'd prolly crash.

      1. My co-worker does calf raises while standing in front of her desk….not only am I looking at her like o_O the kids are like "wtf is wrong w/ that lady?!'

  11. At what point do you start to care about how the other person takes care of their health (eating habits, working out, etc.)?

    I care immediately. My background in cheerleading and the air force has kept me alert about my health and fitness. I am 30 and don't want the health issues or the weight that tends to 'creep' up on you in the later years…lol.

    I am not superficial about it; however, I enjoy my body and want my husband to enjoy it as well. He is one of those naturally slim people *argh* so he keeps me focused just by trying to keep up with him (AND he's older- so what I look like getting all sloppy before him…lol)

  12. Working out is crucial. I get it in 3-4 times a week with at least a 3 mile jog/run. I've always been pretty healthy, but after college I gained 25 lbs sitting at my desk job. Lost it in 2007 and kept it off ever since.

    I def want my man to work out. In fact, the more I excercise (for vanity and for a stress reliever), the more of a requirement it is for my future mate. A gut on a man is just as sexy as booty-do on a woman – No.

    And, you can't look at everybody's mom for future reference. I love my mama, but she refuses to work out consistently or modify her diet. So while I am the spitting image of her, our lifestyle choices show in our body types. So, while my mom may be overweight, it doesn't mean that I will be.

  13. First off if you are under 30 please don't start talking about metabolism changes. You aint seen nothin yet.

    I want a partner that cares about their health but that doesn't necessarily mean I need someone in tip top shape. Of course that is good but I understand that everybody's body is different. I see chubby people at my gym that I know are in better shape than some skinny people. And then some people work out 5 days a week but because of their metabolism it's hard to lose the weight. So my only real requirement is that you not be lazy and that you actually care and keep working. I won't tolerate smoking or excessive drinking. You don't have to have the perfect body just keep your cardio game on point cause that's what makes the difference in the bed room.

  14. Considering I'm a skinny fat and a smoker and I never work out, there's a limit to how much fitness I can really expect from a partner.

    Ideally I'd like to be with someone who was in shape and could gently encourage me to be more active, but to be honest I'm much more concerned about a man's vocabulary and shoe game than his body fat percentage.

  15. i don't really have any incidence of diabetes, cancer, heart disease, etc in my family. regardless of that i'm still conscious of health disparities that effect people who look like me. i guess it's because i'm exposed to i think about things like benzo(a)pyrene and the amount of food i bbq and how it might effect me later in life. [seriously that stuff isn't only in bbq food, it's also in automobile exhaust and even burnt toast.]

    as far as how i look physically i have an extremely high metabolism and i'm in the gym 4-5 times a week. i took a week off last week for my bday and yesterday i ran 3 miles, hooped for two hours and then lifted. i'm a stickler for good physical condition. i would hope that the woman i marry is the same. i can't be going to the gym while your sitting on the couch stuffing your face. trust i'll encourage you to go running with me.

    "Maybe it’s because I’m scared I’ll sign a contract (pronounced marriage) only to find out that I didn’t read the balloon clause that releases her of all accountability for blowing up beyond my wildest nightmares."

    i think this is a concern for most men when they start thinking about settling down. *shudder*

  16. Geez, so talk about some fitness and health (you know, the stuff that really kind of matters) and the comments get reduced by about hmm, 1/3. Okayyy….

    I went to a girlfriend's wedding last year, and no lie, her husband (well, fiance at that point) was about 1/5 of a ton…aka 400lbs. I watched him up there on the altar under the bright lights, sweating and breathing hard…and all he was doing was standing! All I could think to myself was "Mmmm mmm…that's a liability right there…." Evil, I know lol. But I'm sorry, I jog, I clean (as in hang clean, not Clorox Bleach clean), I play flag football, and I want for my partner to view fitness as a high priority in their life as well, and that begins from day ONE! Working out is hard enough and it shouldn't take high LDLs, atherosclerosis, and diabetes to catalyze you to start moving!

    1. "Geez, so talk about some fitness and health (you know, the stuff that really kind of matters) and the comments get reduced by about hmm, 1/3. Okayyy…."

      Sometimes I gotta take the L for the greater good.lol.

    2. I watched him up there on the altar under the bright lights, sweating and breathing hard…and all he was doing was standing! `



  17. One of the $exiest things in the world is a woman who will work out WITH you. Hopefully she was doing it before she met you on her own because she could just be trying to earn the brownie points, but she is pretty easy to point out (walks the treadmill for an hour on 2.5mph).

    A whole different issue with this and Black Women (the only women I have ever dated) is hair. If she gets her hair done on Friday she will not work out/sweat until Wednesday or Thursday of the next week *shrugs*. When my ex started going natural and alternating with natural styles rather than straight heated hair it was a complete 180. We would do the Jilian and P90X DVDs together or hit the park and run (dont laugh, Jilian will get you).

    So ladies, does your hair alter the way and time you will workout?

    1. Yes, yes and yes!!

      For me, if I have a weave I may workout a little more b/c I don't have to do my hair it's already done. However, I'm careful about how much I sweat b/c washing weave is difficult.

      If I'm rocking braids/natural style we can workout all day.

      And last but not least, I'm rocking the regular (perm/roller wrap) I'll work out after I've had it done for about 3 or 4 days. Once I get around the 6 week mark (where I need it done again) I might slack up b/c making my naps look presentable for work after sweating them out is a chore.

        1. I knew you were side-eyeing me Tunde but w/ my hair schedule I still make it work but there are certain times (as listed) I'm not going to or it's more difficult than others. I've never been (as most black women) a wash-n-go girl. Can't just wash it in the shower like you… seeing as I'm a weave girl I don't have a problem w/ this most times.

          But hey I win some (if I work out = C-Ro, Tunde, etc.), and I lose some (having weave = SBM).


      1. See, i can't worry about the hair. i will cut my hair off in a MINUTE, chop it down to the bone. It is currently long but I definitely make my hair wash and go. A clean scalp is a must and I wash my hair about every 3 days or so.

        When i sweat in the gym, i hate that my scalp sweats, so I will wash my hair and keep it moving.

        I recently inspired 2 of my co-workers to go natural because they both saw how easy it is to care for natural hair if you have the proper leave-in conditioners (Cantu or Cream of Nature).

        I love to get my hair blown out by the Dominican's but I rarely do it because I just sweat it out in the gym again. I know that hair is a sensitive subject for black women but I say "free yourself!" You will NOT regret it.

        1. Yep…I let it air dry…all the time. When I was my hair in the morning and condition it, I then wrap it in a towel and let the towel soak up most of the water while I am getting dressed. Then when it's time to do my hair I just put in my leave in conditioner and it's dry by the time I get work.

        2. I agree RedLady821

          A Wash and Go goes so well with my workout routine. This too is why I became natural. The time, energy and sometimes money it took to keep my hair maintained when it was relaxed was TOO much; especially since I do anything from running in the park behind my baby to yoga most of the week.

          Yeah, I did not want my hair to look 'good' at the expense of my health and body. Sort of like me not letting my man throw down how he wants to show off a hairdo to people who do not even matter—shoot PULL HONEY, a lil harder….

        3. Redlady821: Yep…I let it air dry…all the time.


          Wowwww that's what's up!!! but ican't

          Scenario: Me arriving 40 mins late to work everyday and finally sitting in my supervisor's office with an Erykah Badu fro and she asking me. "GovermentName why have you been so late these past two weeks" My response: Well "her name" I've been trying to do the au natural (wash n go) as you can see and it has NOT been working out for me. #DEAD….

      2. SoFLyy: For me, if I have a weave I may workout a little more b/c I don’t have to do my hair it’s already done. However, I’m careful about how much I sweat b/c washing weave is difficult.


        Another reason why I choose to rock a weave 335 days out of the year, and also belonging to an all women's gym helped too (I can just keep it wrapped – bobbypins and all) and get it in, but I got bored/tired of seeing XX chromosomes flowing all up in through there so I joined a unisex 24hr gym which means there will be no more wrapping of the hair with bobbypins looking like I just came from the Dominican spot.

    2. I'm not a slave to my hair and it won't dictate any of my activities. When I was natural, it definitely had it's perks when it came to my workout…but the longer my hair became…it just was too much, so I relaxed and cut it short.

      The short cut works for me. I don't curl my hair everyday either…and I usually work out for 1.5 hours.

      It is rough though…that last week before getting a relaxer *shivers* …the sweat definitely effects my hair then…and I'm curling it every morning to make it look like something.

    3. "One of the $exiest things in the world is a woman who will work out WITH you. Hopefully she was doing it before she met you on her own because she could just be trying to earn the brownie points, but she is pretty easy to point out."


      1. My ex and I would go workout together. He played football for this league, so his workout requirements were different than mine…at some point we'd break off and do our own thing.

        That's one of the things I miss w/ him b/c he would give me that extra push…even if he didn't mean to (I'm competitive).

        This summer I started working out w/ my bro and his friends…and that proved to be pretty darn good for me.

    4. my hair did which is why I started doing my own hair. I definitely wash and style it more often now, but typically I'll just put my hair in a ponytail to work out since tying it up in a scarf would make me sweat more (I sweat in my head).

      If I had a short cut (relaxed) I'd hate it and probably wouldn't work out much since I can't maintain short hair well and stayed in the salon more often. but shoulder length or longer hair I can pretty much do myself.

      1. Lol, I'm the opposite. I stay in the salon less now that my hair is shorter. I do my hair at home…only time I see a salon is for relaxers. When I need my hair cut, my friend does it for me (she's a hair stylist).

        When my hair was longer and I worked out…eh…it lost the body that I like b/c of the sweat. And I'm not one of using heat everyday.

        The trials of being a woman…

        1. but with a short cut, aren't you using heat to curl it every day?

          that's my issue–I can pincurl now, flexi rod, etc and maintain a style at home. I am just not that savvy with my short curling irons-and I still own em just in case but I probably won't wear short hair ever again though unless I go natural anyway.

          trials indeed!

        2. gurrrrl the same thing happened to me! shoot I be givin up tho… Im just gonna keep a weave till Christmas and rock out!


      2. *shakes head* Nope..not at all.

        I wear my hair straight…similar to my avatar. Like when I had doobie, I wrap it at night and I'm good to go in the AM. I'll curl my hair Saturday (after washing it)…then around Wednesday or Thursday. That's it. Only exception is when I have a function to attend after work and I want it to look "fresh".

        I have a small flat iron, a medium one (which I adore) and a regular curling iron (for the curly look). That's it. I had short hair in high school…and I've always been one to do my hair or somebody else's so I'm pretty darn savvy,lol.

        Lol…I'm the opposite again, I'll never do long hair again(unless I have a kid b/c I hear you should relax then…and I'd just have to let that ish grow out in braids or something).

        1. gotcha! I thought you said upthread you curled it everyday. I dig it. 🙂 whats funny is my LS from Jersey was my short hair guru. she kept me laced. she always wears her hair short too.

          sometimes I miss my short do'. and I'm so indecisive I may cut it again, but I hate growing it back! I'm thinking now a chin length bob is my limit!

  18. I'm in and out of this workout thing. I started p90x twice. And both times, I decided I don't need it but I'm going to do a regular jog every other day. Now I never said anything about finishing it. I want to get back into this healthy living but I'm always hungry and I'll eat almost anything. But we all know that's no good. Posts like this make me look in the mirror and poke my little tummy and warn it, "Don't you grow any more outward til you're holding a baby! Or else, it's back to Tony and Bringin' it for you!" I do throw in a little ab ripper from time to time. Keep the abs in shape. But yeah I know, won't do much if I'm not keeping everything together.

    *charlie brown teacher wah wah's*

    I guess I have something to do now. *sigh*

  19. You knew I was gonna say something right? LOL

    Slim **standing ovay** I'm glad you wrote this before I did, because this is an issue, a SERIOUS issue.

    I never used to care about being healthy. I had GFs who "loved you for you" and we were always "ok" with body types. It wasn't until I tuned 25 that I realized what was going on. Actually, it took one of my prophytes to tell me "you're gettin fat son, you have a BELLY!" for me to wake up and know I had to get fit.

    Then I looked at my family history of every Black ailment out there (diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, etc). My Grandfather died before I was born of Diabetes (primary) and went blind. My father died of diabetes (and every other ailemnt) and never got to see grandchildren <del>that we know about</del> I REFUSE to be a slave to genetics, heredity, and disease, so I work out now, get super health conscious, get physicals semi annually, and stay on top of things, because I'm NOT going out like that!

    I don't expect a woman to be a health nut, but I expect them to be RESPONSIBLE in checking themselves health wise. No matter the age, exercise and eating well should be incorporated into your daily living. I thinkthat people use the "love me as I am" swindle too much. Using that as a crutch is a death sentence and a certificate to bodily mediocrity in my opinion. I need a significant other, especially if she's going to be a MRS, to take note, be cognizant, be active or at least WILLING to be more active then they are, because at this point in my life, I'm decreasing the sins of today so that my tomorrows won't have to suffer.

    Finally, getting in shape and eating right (or better) is NOT hard. Don't believe the hype. It takes a mental committment and a desire to be better. If your life, and your appeareance aren't motivators, IDK what can be.

    Streetztalk.net – my personal site where I drop fitness tips and chronicle my successes and failures. Not for shine, its always good to have a support group! I wish more people (and MY people) would be as interested in their personal health as they are when "The SBM writers bash women and talk their shyt".

    **steps off soapbox**


    **chucks the Deuces**

    1. It's funny that you mention "mental committment" b/c that exactly what my brother told me was the most important part of leading a more healthy lifestyle.

    2. co-sign your entire comment, especially this…

      I REFUSE to be a slave to genetics, heredity, and disease…

      I will not follow in my mother's footsteps. That darn lady will buy a new pair a sneakers, swearing she's going to start walking every day after class. Is she doing that? Of course not. Everytime she sees one of her daughters, she say something like "I need to start working out with you." And ever holiday when we're all home, and we all go out to the track, where is good ol' mom? Home asleep, or she uses one of her usual excuses of why she can't come with us. It's infuriating. I can't even talk to her about diet and exercise on the phone b/c she always changes the subject. smh.

      And my father… no need to even talk about him. smh…

  20. I love to exercise. It's my stress-reliever. I'm about 5 1/2 months pregnant and can't puch myself as hard as I was before and Ifind it very frustrating. I'm pretty sure that I'm gonna be at the gym as close to my delivery date as possible and as soon as the little one pops out I'll be right back at it.

    My fiance is naturally slim and built. He's never worked out a day in his life and he has some serious muscles and a six-pack (I hate him for that). I'm not overly superficial but health and fitness matter very much to me. If I'm busting my butt 4-5 days a week in the gym I need someone who is like-minded. As someone else said upthread I don't need my hubby dying on me at an early age from something that is preventable.

  21. As I get older I find that living a healthy lifestyle is a must. Both my grandmothers and parents have diabetes. My father suffered a massive stroke 9 years ago and is paralyzed on his left side and cant talk (was a doctor=worst practioners of self health).

    I find that when you date someone who practices and lives a healthy lifestyle it is easy for you to make that transition, ie, go from pork bacon to turkey, white bread to wheat, including more fish in your diet. This is one of the cheapest and most important ways that you can UPGRADE your significant other. It doesnt have to be pushy or require much talk either.

    I dated a girl who didnt eat pork or beef and only wheat breads in Atlanta…… I love to cook for whoever I am dating, so those things slowly started disappearing out of my fridge and were replaced with healthier items without me even noticing. Just seeing her take her health so serious rubbed off on me. There is something very deep in that.

    People talk about equally yoked on the religious tip, but what about the health tip. I plan to be here for my kids kids kids, and I want to be there next to my MRS.


    1. I understand this! White bread is disgusting to me now. It even tastes ‘altered’.

      I agree with the small changes, while I lived in DC hanging with Muslim helped rid me of the swine. Yes—my name comes from my husband and I experimenting with different foods to find something tasty yet not TOO bad for us.

      My grandmother has type II diabetes, and I am beginning to see the cancer scare pop up all throughout my family so health is serious to me. Learning that 1 in 2 men and 1 in 3 women have cancer TODAY is scary, yet an eye-opener.

      Although there are several reasons cancer invades a body, environments DOES play a major part…..

      *still working on throwing away the microwave*

      1. "Learning that 1 in 2 men and 1 in 3 women have cancer TODAY is scary, yet an eye-opener."

        Well you've succeeded in scaring the crap outta ME!

        1. I have to talk to myself at times NOT to worry about stats like that, but it does not work due to me being a research maniac.

          I just try and live as healthy as possible and LIVE LIFE–because no one knows how they are going to go out of this world anyway, so just maintain until, RIGHT?

          Yes, I am not sure I know anyone NOT affect by cancer, directly or indirectly.

  22. SN: did you know that your SBM mailbox is full? My comment got captured in moderation and I sent a message and got the error message. Just a friendly FYI 🙂 As you were…

  23. Being fat is like being a hater. Everybody know them, but ain't nobody one of them.

    Work out … blah. I can't see the point behind going to a place to do things that normal life can do, but if that's the thug motivation 101 that a person needs, then more power to them. It's no secret around these parts that I don't go to the gym, I think that 90% of the things that go on in the gym are for aesthetic purposes. And a trainer will tell you that. I remember one time, my boy in HS who's dad was a jockey used to say, there's a difference between being healthy and fit. A champion horse is fit and will die of a heart attack at the end of a race.

    I think folks should live an active lifestyles. I know people who go to the gym everyday, who can't climb an escalator in DC, and will wait for the elevator or "drive to starbucks that's a block away." I play seasonal sports, mind you it's more about hitting the bars after. For my NYC heads, I was pulling into Borough Hall in Brooklyn during the blackout in 2003, I walked my ass to the Port Authority on 42nd. With all my ish from college on my back. #iPledged.

    I don't see the need for the "gym" in my life, it's a waste of money. I live an active lifestyle and I watch what I eat as much as possible. I'm already bringing skinny back, so as I tell all my 5k, half marathon, and marathon runners, "You run the marathon, i'll do the happy hour and raise the money."

    Moreover, this is what I want to say, if a person doesn't want to work out, don't make them a bad person. Working out is like Religion, your regimen is your regimen, it's a personal relationship. I don't need to do what you do. We're getting different results anyway. Ever notice how fat people always say someone who is skinny looks like they're dying or they need to eat, or say things like they're bony?! How do I look if I tell you fat ass to go sit down somewhere and just stop the eff eating? I'm wrong.

    Professional athletes work out more than anybody, it behooves them to workout, stay in shape, and watch their diet. But their life expectancy is like in their 50s. #cmonson.

    There are two things I love to do at the gym though … (1) Watch women on the treadmills with jugs. Wooooo look at them go. and (2) try and guess which chicks are wearing panties and who's not. #ohyousweatyhuh.

    1. I respect your opinion, but why bash those that go to the gym? Those people that you talk about that are in the gym but cant walk an escalator? Theyre FRONTING. Plain and simple.

      Going to the gym is leading an active lifestyle. If someone chooses to play flag football for their activity and others choose to lift weights thats their decision. Activity still is key.

      "Professional athletes work out more than anybody, it behooves them to workout, stay in shape, and watch their diet. But their life expectancy is like in their 50s. #cmonson."


      You ever think that steriods, life after they retire, and rec drugs are to play? If I work out constantly, do two a days for 10 seasons, then stop and eat like shyt and dont remain active, of course the switch will flip! Thats a swindle right their you're using.

      At the end of the day you said it best: if you dont feel the need for it but you remain active then do you. NO activity is still wack to me and unhealthy and not good for longevity. No way you can convince me otherwise.

      "Ever notice how fat people always say someone who is skinny looks like they’re dying or they need to eat, or say things like they’re bony?! How do I look if I tell you fat ass to go sit down somewhere and just stop the eff eating? I’m wrong."

      No you're not wrong. lol

      1. Actually the study that showed that athletes were dying at a younger age was clear to remove people from the study who may have died from the residual effects of outside factors.

    2. "I don’t see the need for the “gym” in my life, it’s a waste of money. I live an active lifestyle and I watch what I eat as much as possible. "

      I'm glad that works for you but that doesn't work for everybody. I still think that exercise is good for your health, whether you run outside, play recreational sports or go to the gym.

      You are lucky that you have a high metabolism but don't be at a loss when you get older and your body starts to slow down. You might just end up eyeballing a gym membership Dr. J

  24. Great post, Slim!

    I first started thinking about my health when my mom began taking meds for her high blood pressure. Then, my father got diabetes, and things got real.

    When I look at my family, I see a bunch of old black, Southern people who believe that with age comes all of these ailments. And they just accept high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. as normal occurances. And I hate that shyt!! And I refuse to date any man who is not concerned about his health now, instead of waiting to become ill before he starts taking action. He doesn't have to be a vegetarian (though, in a perfect world, he would be.). But he should be just as concerned with his overall health as I am. That means a healthy diet, exercise, and alternative medication. I don't take meds for anything, not even headaches. I would rather treat the root cause instead of taking a pain reliever that doesn't address why I had a headsche in the first place. Don't get me wrong, I believe in medication, but I think we over medicate in this country without really addressing the why of our ailments.

    Anyway, I'm now watching my mom become a bitter woman because she has to help my dad with dialysis every night, and now that he has lost 2 of his toes, she is even more wound up. I refuse to be placed in such a situation as a spouse, so I need a man who is vigilant, not just about his health, but about our health.

    1. This is a really good post and I agree with you. My family was always healthy and had none of these ailments.

      My husband too just accepted these ailments as a part of life. I am glad that he is doing something about it now, but I would have preferred he had addressed it earlier in his life.

      I sometimes worry about what I have passed on to my own children. I am glad that they are both atheltes and I am hoping that exercise will remain a way of life for them.

      If I could turn the clock back in time, I think I would have added "family history of diabetes and high blood pressure" on my LIST of prerequisits for finding a life partner.

      I mean honestly, if your s/o told you that he had sickle cell, would you reconsider marrying him and possibly passing that disease to your children? I would…so why not these other ailments as well? Just thinking out loud.

    2. "When I look at my family, I see a bunch of old black, Southern people who believe that with age comes all of these ailments. And they just accept high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. as normal occurances. And I hate that shyt!! "

      OMGosh! If this isn't my family! As soon as my parents turned 50 they thought high blood pressure, heart attacks (dad had one at 48ish) and the like were normal. No! Get your booty to the gym and stop eating bacon and buttery grits all the time.

      Don't get me wrong. I love bacon. And ice cream. But I eat them in moderation and work out to stay looking and feeling good.

      1. I feel so dirty that in the midst of this "yay workout" post this—-> "buttery grits" made me audibly go "mmmmmm buttery grits" #HomerSimpson. *hanging my head in shame*

  25. My lover needs to be able to run at the beach with me. I ran the LA marathon in 08' and my dude at the time trained with me. Living a healthy lifestlye is muy importante para mi!! My biological father died at 44 due to a stroke and he supposedly was "healthy as a horse". I'll be damned if that's my destiny. I workout on the regular and eat clean as often as possible. On the flip side I have a weird affinity for the "center" type of guys. My girls tease me because I also love "buddha" types and I dated a NFL player once that SMOTHERED me w/ his hugs. #dontjudgeme

  26. I do think about it a lot. But for some strange reason I tend to be more committed to working out when I'm in a committed relationship. Is that weird?

    I think I subconsciously want to look good for that person so I go to the gym/workout more regularly and probably even eat better.

    But when I'm single, I'm slower moving towards the gym and faster towards the ice cream… 🙁 But then I realize I'm single and tryna catch a man and go to the gym out of guilt! Lol Shame!

    1. I'm right there with ya sister. I'm sure it probably does have something to do with him seeing you sans clothes; but a bigger part for me is the accountability aspect. When he says "what're you doing tonight?" and I say "working out" I'm going to work out…but if left to my own devices, I have no problem altering my plans when no one knew what they were to begin with. *shrug*

  27. Dr. J a gym is a must for many of us. When I worked retail I stayed in great shape cause I spent all day running around my store, lifting boxes and unpacking trucks. There were days when I came home from work a few pounds lighter than when I went in.

    Now I sit in front of a computer all day. I live in hotels a lot where I sit around all day not doin much. Eating hotel food and room service. Every other day there is a catered reception. I've eaten it all from the crab cake omlet at the Renissance in Baltimore to the Huevos Rancheros at the Biltmore in LA. Phaaa 🙂 So the flip side is I've been to Gold's Gym in countless cities. I google them before I leave. Gym's are a must for my lifestyle. No to mention the stress makes it really hard to lose weight. I use the Sauna to fight that.

  28. #cosign

    Just got the call a few days ago. One of my relatives from down South just dropped dead at work from complications from Diabetes. She'd refused to take her meds and was actively living an unhealthy lifestyle and I think there were some other factors as well.

    I'm guilty of skipping a day now and then but the longest I've ever been away from the gym was only recently due to knee surgery. My goal for 2010/2011 is at the very minimum 45 mins of cardio 4x per week.

  29. I work out for my health/heart and not necessarily to lose weight (although dropping 5 lbs is always welcome!). I like a man who eats (seriously I like a man who eats BIG portions…must be some cave woman thing from the past…LOL!) and then burns it up working out, playing sport, etc. I walk and I do power yoga religiously…and lemme tell you, men look very pleased when I tell them that I do yoga. To play on the title of your post, I am sexy and one of the reasons is BECAUSE I work out!

  30. It does matter! I hear that is why people stray because they partner started caring less about their appearance, I mean love is love. So if you love yourself you will take care of yourself.

    Damn you just motivated me to move my ass to go join this gym that I have been putting off… and I am making efforts to be more conscience of my health. I am almost 40. I can't afford to be playing around!

    P.S. Slim you is so sexy so please maintain that! 😉

  31. This article is very good. I was searching over the internet about this. My wife and I love how it looks and we are looking further to read more about this.

    Right now we are goint to Tweet about this site to let all our followers know about it. Thanks and keep the good writing.

  32. I have been blessed. My genetic make-up is off the meat rack (can you still say that, lol). My mom, grandma, sisters and my aunt's on both sides of the maternal/paternal chart are on the slimmer side of things. We can eat anything we want and not gain weight.

    So to work out for me is not going to happen. I tried to work-out three times in the past and lost what little bit of meat I had within 3 days. I lost weight entirely too fast. And it was not sexy.

    I take care of myself in the regular way, moderation. I do cook soul food, but I snack of the good stuff. Carrots are my best friend. Fruit is next in line. There is always a fruit bowl on my table with the good stuff.

    If 'he' has a similar genetic make up as me, then its not that important. However, if I see his mom/dad/brothers/sisters and they are on the bigger side, then I can foresee weight becoming an issue if he doesn't watch it.

    Guts are unattractive and I want to always be physically attracted to my husband. And visa versa.

  33. Its always been a priority for me. Long-term health is a result of a lifetime of choices. When men say things like” I don’t eat vegetables” or” I don’t drink water” I keep it moving, who wants to deal with erectile dysfunction in 10/15 yrs or high blood pressure & diabetes?

    1. THIS. RIGHT. CHERE! ^^^

      It makes me think how nasty their kids would taste irresponsible and juvenile they are being. Adults do things that they don't want to do, it's part of the job description. Eat your vegetables, drink your water, and pineapple juice and put on your grown man pants. Geesh!

      It is SUCH a turnoff for a man to be all "I don't…eat my veges, save for tomorrow, try new things, leave the city/state, *insert whatever else stubborn and bullheaded thing one could say*" because they "won't live forever"…well look pretty in your coffin and die an early death without me, I'm hoping to live a long time.


Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get SBM Delivered

Get SBM Delivered

Single Black Male provides dating and relationship
advice for today's single looking for love

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This