Home Dating & Relationships Dating A Black Male’s Adventures in Dating: Part 1

A Black Male’s Adventures in Dating: Part 1

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**Make sure you add me on Twitter. I’m there all day errday! Sorta…**

“Hey Slim, I’m having a singles event and wanted to invite you if you’re free. Bring a friend that you’d recommend as worth getting to know—preferably of the opposite sex.”

I got this text a little over a week ago as I was fighting off the remnants of an upper respiration infection that overstayed its welcome. A year ago, I’d have said “I’ll try to make it,” while knowing damn well that I had no intention of going. I said those same words this time around, but I committed to attending as long as I wasn’t still coughing like I had the SARS. Who wants to get to know a man that sounds diseased? I’d have had no choice but to rely on my 6-foot sexiness and hope that it was enough for someone to give me a rain check. I’m not Boris so I didn’t like those odds. **Insert adequate and self-reassuring segue**

My first thought after tentatively confirming to show up was about who I’d be able to bring. I thought about all of my single male friends in NYC—all of which graduated college, have affable personalities, and average to above average looks. Yeah, I mentioned their looks. Yes, I’m straight. I’m just being honest. And in the interest of honesty, I couldn’t have brought any of them. They are indeed great guys, but none of them are looking for commitment other than a regularly scheduled romp session.ย  And semi-selfishly, I didn’t want to have to explain to the girl that invited me why they had provided a couple of the attendees with a great night back at their places, but in general wasted their time.

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I started thinking of the women I could invite and the list got depressingly long. And semi-selfishly again, I didn’t want to have to explain to any of my lady friends why I brought them to an event where the ratio was in my favor to the tune of 12:1 or something ridiculous. So what did I do? Well, I informally put the word out there via Twitter and Facebook. As expected, no men responded. And surprisingly, only a couple of women responded that actually lived in NYC. Now of course my tweets and FB status updates about the event could have been poorly timed. But given how many status updates and tweets I see daily about there not being any good men and droughts stretching as long as some people’s existence, I knew there were a good number of women who could have benefited from attending. I shrugged, continued to take my Nyquil, and prepared to show face and have a good time.

At least I didn't wear this hoodie...

I ended up getting to the event in true CP fashion (tardy). Not knowing what I was in for, I figured a nap to have me on the top of my game beforehand was critical. Upon arrival, I noticed that there were more women than men, but it wasn’t as skewed as I’d expected. I took a seat, said hello to the men and women nearby, and smiled down to the other end of the table. Now I’ll admit, I’m usually not the best ice-breaker when in a room full of women I don’t know. I’m much more Scottie Pippen than Michael Jordan. I can be great if I need to be, but I’d much rather let someone else run the offense and I just catch the alley-oops and hit the wide-open 15 footers. If you don’t get the sports reference, I have a bridge to show you.

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Once I had my Corona in hand, I asked a few basic questions of the women around me and responded in kind. When asked where I went to school and what I did in NYC, I struggled to not come across as arrogant. I didn’t say my school until it was clear that “in upstate New York” wasn’t gonna cut it. I made no reference to my aspirations as a writer despite how big a part of my life it has become. I was thinking a lot more than necessary and doing so much that I was doing nothing at all. I got so caught up in trying to say and do the right thing (No Spike Lee) that I ended up not being myself. I was disappointed at first, but took consolation in knowing that this type of event was new to me. It wasn’t exactly the most natural way to meet somebody, so I was a bit out of my element.

After a few hours, I thanked the host for inviting me and made my way to Penn Station to hop on the A-train home. I put on Janelle Monae’s latest album and went into a world of my own. And when I re-emerged, I had some new thoughts and a better understanding of the perils that plague women in dating. And of course, that’s my post for next week.

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For today, have you attended any dating-oriented events before? Did you find it easy to interact or was it forced? Did you find a potential booski as a result? If you haven’t attended any event like this, what’s kept you from going? Other thoughts and discussion points are welcomed as usual.

Much more observant than awkward,

Twitter: @slimjackson Website: www.threewaystotakeit.com

Comment(150)

  1. Awe Slim… this was greatly written and expressed…

    I haven't had the pleasure of being on a dated-oriented event… I think the close thing to that has been going to weddings on my own lol…

    Keep it up, I want to know where this takes you ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. I've never had a date for any of the weddings I been to. I need to start looking around more. Granted…most of the people at the weddings that I've been to aren't from around the area where the wedding is being held.

      1. See it might be easier for you to find a date, but for some of us females, it's a pretty much guaranteed pass… dudes get scared sihtless when they hear the words: "wedding" and "with me" all in one sentence lol

  2. For today, have you attended any dating-oriented events before?

    ^^^As a matter of fact, i recently did…something very similar to what you talked about…lol

    Did you find it easy to interact or was it forced?

    ^^^Nope, i just stuck to the person i thought of as "a friend" and left it at that. I did get to know that person better & i believe they got to know me better too so it wasn't such a #loss. I'm not the most social person & i actually hate the idea or feeling of being "fixed up" with someone (hence why the match making from MDML failed).

    Did you find a potential booski as a result?

    ^^^Nope…i'm still single & going through this long & drawn out post.

    Good post Slim!

  3. dang homie, sorry to hear about that URI

    does that event in the city earlier in the summer (with You, Belle, and that dating guru guy) count as a 'dating event'?

    if so, i was there, i was by the bar…didn't really talk to any females there, because, to be honest, i don't make enough to really rock with 'em. i know the deal…and i'm not mad at that.

    outside of that…haven't really been to anything like that.i wouldn't mind going, s***, might lead to the start of something special.

    1. I saw URI and thought urinary tract then University of Rhode Island.lol

      The event in NY sorta kinda counts, but not really. Can you say more about not making enough to rock with the chicks there? I'm curious what you meant since I know the audience/crowd you speak of from the event. Just wanna know how you got that perception. -Slim

      1. Can you say more about not making enough to rock with the chicks there? I’m curious what you meant since I know the audience/crowd you speak of from the event. Just wanna know how you got that perception.-Slim

        well, i will admit i'm not the most social dude, and i have a tendency to chill in the cut. so for most of the event, i was listening by the bar. i guess the vibe( or presumption) that i got from the women there were that the majority of them came across as the college-educated professional type, that work a 'nice' job, have a 'nice' place, and are looking for a guy that has at least that…or more. (i reiterate, this was the vibe i got, i didn't really see anyone that i could "chat up"). me and the bartender agree'd that making 30K, 40K, probably wouldn't cut it for the chicks there.

    2. It's funny you say that, b/c that's often how I feel about the fellas at 90% of the events I attend in NYC. That' they're looking for some chick making $$$$, black Carrie Bradshaw model type.

  4. I've never been to an event like this mostly because I've never come across one*. If the opportunity presented itself, I'd go to at least one to have the experience. If I met someone while there, great. If not, I'd consider it a new adventure. *shrugs*

    *Unless you count stoplight parties, in which case I just decline the invitation.

      1. I'm pretty sure she's talking about when you are at a stoplight and some dude hollas out his window that him and friend are having a get together and you are welcome to attend. *Rolling My Eyes* I've gotten my fair share of invites to those as well.

      2. A stop light party is a party where people wear colored shirts that correspond to their relationship status. i.e red=taken, green=available, yellow=its complicated

    1. a stoplight party is where you wear green (go) if you are single. red (stop) for not available and yellow (proceed with caution) for maybe…I think. I've heard about em, but never attended once.

        1. Hahahaha!!! StopLight party!!! I'd be throwing dudes off! I'd show up with a shirt that incorporates all the colors lol.. They'd be looking at me like "wait, is she a go? hold up, red? yellow? Btich make up your mind!" LMAO!!!

  5. Women always complain/express our opinions and issues with dating. I enjoyed your post as it finally sheds light on the male perspective. Yes, I've been to a dating event. It was a lock and key party. Men with keys women with locks. The goal was to circulate the room and find the person who matches and in the process you meet everyone. It felt forced and intrusive . I didn't meet anyone I wanted to continue to know. I won't be doing it again. Great post and Good luck!

  6. I'm kind of inspired to search for some of these dating events in my city, Chicago. Not sure we have any….I'll let u know the findings and results if there are…..

    Always love ur point of view in ur writing darling. I'll talk at ya or as those #t2l guys say "scream at ya" ๐Ÿ˜‰

  7. A group of friends and I decided to crash a speed dating event hosted by our University during one valentines day weekend. That was interesting to say the least. I had a bit of fun with the, mainly awkward, gentlemen there. ^_^

    I don't think those type of events are for me. I'm not saying its not worth a shot, but I'm just not one for …how can I put this… getting overtly or 'consciously' hit on, so to speak. I really don't like it; perhaps I'm too shy *shrug*…I'm more into the friends first route. Its slow and steady and I really get to know the person. Its a proven method for me.

  8. I've never been to one. I don't think I would go. I think these kinds of events wouldn't necessarily bring out the best in me. I would prefer to meet a guy organically without all of the planning…..

    These types of events are for people on the prowl…who are really in the market to meet someone…you probably, aren't ready so it put undue pressure on you…next time, just go to an event and enjoy yourself..and if you meet someone…you do…if you don't you had a good time..doesn't seem like you allowed yourself to have much fun…..and you were overwhelmed by a room full of women….desperation must've filled the air…I can't blame you for getting out of there….not saying every woman in there was desperate..but, I'm sure more then a few were..all that estrogen in one room too…all vying for the attention of a few men…there has to be a better way…..

  9. My homegirl and I went to a speed dating event once. It was fun collecting the information, but mostly we just laughed our azzes off comparing notes later. Got a few numbers but nothing really came of it. I'm still waiting to meet someone who is in a relationship with someone they met from a live person dating event. I know a few who met online and are now serious/engaged, but none who met at the live events. Hmmmm.

    Antywho, can't wait to see where these adventures take you.

        1. I guess I missed the memo about twins, but congratulations! Yes, those are great names (can't be any worse than some others I've heard).

    1. Ms. Teflon this has NOTHING to do with this post but I have been meaning to tell you how pretty I think your belly is. Not everyone can carry twins much less one baby and have such a pretty stomach. #endtangent.

      1. Aww, thanks ladies! Me and Palmer's cocoa butter are real tight about now, lol. Let's all pray that my Elastagirl superpowers last for another 10 weeks.

  10. I've always wanted to go to one of these "speed dating" events however my social anxiety disorder would never permit such a thing. They sound like fun! But wait…what if someone is really showing interest in you but you find them atrocious? How awkward is THAT?! Ican't.

    Nice post Slim…and how hilarious was the part about not wanting to invite your male friends and having to explain their behavior later to the host! LMAO

    Have a great day everyone ๐Ÿ˜‰

    1. "and how hilarious was the part about not wanting to invite your male friends and having to explain their behavior later to the host!"

      Odd, that is the part of the story I thought was rude and judgemental. I think Slim should be a better friend and hook up the goons.

      **evil grin**

  11. Never been, but don't think these event are done right.

    If you really want a good single-meetup kinda event you need to get the most connected person in your social circle to host a party at her/his apt where s/he only invites her single friends from his/her different networks w/o telling them the purpose. Let it flow…

    Kinda sets up a no-pressure atmosphere..kinda like just a party would.

    1. iCosign this.

      You have to do it right. I was going to say that I've never been to one of these events but now that I think about in the context that lurker described I think I'm gonna hafta have a chat w/ one of my friends. I'm pretty sure I've been dupped.

      A gf of mine had a NY Day/Bday private invite-only party for herself in which she invited all of her good friends – who all happen to be college educated & single – and her boyfriend invited all of his guy friends. It was a good time mainly because it was easy going and if nothing else there was the birthday to focus on. We played a round of taboo (men folk vs. women) and ate/drank the night away. I don't think anyone made any serious connects out of it but it was a really easy going time and more networking was done.

    2. Good point Lurksworth. These events do work better with a well-connected conduit of happy times handling the event. And the "not telling them the purpose" is huge. That way there's no pressure and nobody is disappointed at the end of the night. Hmm…I have an idea. **Picks up the phone**

  12. I actually agree with lurker. I would think that's how it should be done. If you have a dating party everyone is going to be putting their best foot forward and you don't really know what you're dealing with anyway.

    I have never dealt with a situation like that, and I don't think that I would like to.

    I do recall my sister sending me to a black tie affair in NJ when I was on the outs with my bf and she tried to "hook me up" with a few of her single male friends — the first one I thought was gay or had gay-like tendencies…and the 2nd one was as gay as the first…trust me. I came to the conclusion that if all I had to choose from was a bunch of latent homo's then I may as well go back to my bf — which I did. "shrug" we were just really mad at each other anyway, it wasn't a deal breaker.

    So much for the single scene….

  13. I went to a Lock and Key event last February. The women in attendance received locks and the men had the keys.

    Upon arrival, there's at least 30 women upstairs where the event is taking place and about 5 men. They're men downstairs at the bar…my friend and I figured they were there for the event and perhaps apprehensive about coming up.

    Anywho, there were not enough guys at the event as many of the fellas were walking around with 5 keys.

    That really didn't make for a good time.

    I wouldn't mind going to another matchmaking/dating event…but for me, it would have to be more interactive. I'm not the type to randomly introduce myself to people, but if we're playing a game…or in a small group…that's more my speed.

  14. I'm curious about the role that "finances" and where one is at in their career play in attending these types of events. And to go a level beyond, most of us know about Paul the Matchmaker. Would most of you consider enlisting the services of someone like that if times got tough enough?

    1. I think what Paul does is admirable. I also think that his profession is a true one, knowing the dimensions of someone's character and then pulling them together w/ a mate doesn't sound easy at all to me. I do think that where you are in your career/finances has something to do w/ these match making events. You don't see LaQuisha from the salon going to Paul for a hookup. No. 1 cuz he's probably expensive & no. 2 because the quality of the person you are targeting is a lot different. Finding an associate at a firm to be your life long partner is guaranteed to be harder – with busy schedules, etc. – then finding a good blue collar working man.

      Would I? Maybe. Quite possibly.

    2. I'd be torn about that…part of me would like to see what would happen if i did & the other part hates the idea of being hooked up with someone (and paying for such a service on top of that). It would just make me nervous…the uncertainty of if that is going to work out or not & if we would have to be on to the next one.

  15. I have never been to one of those events but I have thought about attending one for a few reasons. I'm socially inept when it comes to flirting and recognizing it. For example i've been talking to and hanging out with a guy since July it wasnt until he invited me to his place (this month) for dinner that I realized he was interested.So an event like this might be what my behind needs.

  16. I've never been to this type of event but if my Twitter and facebook feeds are any indication then I have to come to the conclusion that a huge majority of people don't know how to date and/or what the purpose of dating is.

  17. I thought about throwing one of these 'dinner parties' I plenty of atrractive quality females. My issue would be finding the male counterpart. I'd most definitely have to hold this over state lines. I know a few (Jaxson included) quality men in the DMV. It doesn't help that I went to an essentially all-female school so I've only gotten to know very few educated nice black men in the past 2 years.

    Le sigh.

      1. Yup… and as much as I love to event plan and do things I think this should work out but I need an "in" to a group of mens. LOL. Yes, I said mens. You know? I'm pretty easy going and really have no problem introducing myself after a shot of liquid courage so maybe I just need to go where there are in order to invite them to where we are. LOL.

        & thinking back on it, this summer I spent my time w/ a group of mixed co-horts but now that I analyze the situation none of those gents would be considered 'quality'. They were nice/funny… but they had drama for days & pipe dreams for years.

        1. Exactly! I need an 'in' with mens too!

          Furthermore, and this could just be the men I know…I don't know many men who like to try new things. My girls and I constantly go to wine tastings, volunteer events, etc. There are hardly any men there.

          So, we created a list of events that will hopefully draw in men…and create a pressure free atmosphere for people to get to know one another and the bonus would be getting a number, but if not…you still had a great time and tried something new.

        2. Hahahaha LaBakir our lives will not echo each others like this. My girl and I were just talking about going to this wine tasting the other day, but we know that's just gonna be for us. There is not even a thought that a man would be present at that event.

        3. LMAO!!! I can't!! Me and my friends already know what time it is when we go to these events…and that's terrible.

          It would be nice to have conversation w/ some cool dudes at the very least.

        4. @Peter Parker

          I know I'm gon get my black card taken for saying this BUT I've never played spades. Like I know the idea of the game… and the rules but I've never played. No one wants be my partner #eh

          Oh… and I'm a beast at taboo. I think I'm gonna have to get on that but like I said… Quality men friends need to apply here: ___________

    1. Same here, essentially attending an all-male school (Private Engineering college), I feel deprived in meeting quality women of color. Sign me up!

      1. DeKaLa, I know your pain my brethern. I sure will sign you up but what area/metro are you in so I know which direction I have to throw the invitation? Lol.

        1. Of course you are in the NYC Metro LOL. As are Streetz, Most & Slim & LaBakir. Whomps.

          Well when I finally decide to host my non-matching-making-dinner-time-game-play-singles-only event you'll just have to make a special trip down =]

    2. How about making is something dudes are interested and can still be girlie.

      Like a charity sports event. And to rule out the 'pipe dreams' dudes you can make it a golf outing. Not to sound like an @$4, but I think golf will attract the right kind of black guy.

      Other things guys will come out for:

      Spades

      Texas hold'em Poker

      A Fellas Night where we actually get in for free!

      Anything with an open bar

      Discussion Panels (if the topic is interesting enough, a dude is not going to show up to a panel about why there are no good dudes in the dating world)

      1. Like a charity sports event. And to rule out the ‘pipe dreams’ dudes you can make it a golf outing. Not to sound like an @$4, but I think golf will attract the right kind of black guy.

        ^^^^^

        So true. My friend and I were trying to think outside of the box a little…

      2. *applause* for the golf. I love it. I just need to relocate to an area w/ a higher populous of men. I live in a very country part of the DMV. I'll try that golf thing then…

        Thanks for the idea CHeeKZy. I was also thinking about bowling? Yea/Nay?

        1. Sure bowling works…

          anything competitive.

          But yo ladies are really missing out on the poker. Poker is huge nowadays. Plus the interaction is there b/c you have the pros teaching the newbies how to play

        1. the best way to learn how to play is strip poker b/c you learn to make moves more carefully.

          can't resist

  18. I've never been to one of these events. However, I have invited single people places. The problem is that when I have tried to get a bunch of single men and women together, they don't like each other. Wait, lemme be clear, the women don't look the part–if you get what I'm saying.

  19. First, post was awesome sauce; as I've come to expect from you Slim.

    Secondly, no, I've never gone to a "dating-oriented event". Although I've contemplated speed dating, mostly for the experience. It sounds oh so amusing. Like everyone else said, it just feels a bit forced, unnatural. I also feel a bit desperate going and wonder about the quality of men that would attend considering you can throw a rock out a window and find a chick that wants to date you if you're a half way decent man. (Not saying the man will want to date her, but finding prospects seems a lot easier for men. )

    And finally, for my tangent comment. ๐Ÿ™‚ I wish that you wouldn't hide, make excuses for, talk around, however you want to say it – where you went to school. Be proud of your Ivy League education! You should be! It's a great accomplishment and to be blunt with you, when you don't just say "Cornell" but do the "upstate New York" bit, that comes off as pretentious and a bit insulting. Like if you knew that I was a Harvard grad would you downplay your Cornell education? Most likely not…see how that comes off as pandering to us lowly "regla" college peeps? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I'm not mad at ya, do what you do. Just my 2 cents on the subject. The people that mention Harvard in every sentence or introduce themselves and where they went to school in the same breath upon first meeting you, that's annoying. But if I ask you where you went to school, just tell me. I obviously wanted to know or I wouldn't have asked.

    1. Great point on how talking around the school can come across the exact opposite of how I want it to come across. A lot of it is based on reactions I've gotten in the past and how conversations often nosedive because of a series of uncomfortable jokes that follow. **thumbs up to whole comment**

    2. I 100% co-sign your rant. Slim, what would your mama (or anyone else who helped make your Cornell matriculating azz successful) say if she knew you were downplaying one of her…I mean your..greatest academic achievements? That edumacation cost somebody a lot of dough – give credit where credit is due and quit over compensating for the insecurities of others.

      Besides, you could always tell people you went to Oberlin. And experience the *completely blank stare* reaction, lol.

      1. I'm feeling some kinda way about you calling my comment a "rant" I didn't go to Haaaarvard, just making an example.

        Also Teflon I feel you. How about I went to Graceland University in Nowhere IA – people steady ask me if Elvis went there *blank stare* oh, was that supposed to be funny? Let me just gather up these crickets…

        1. I'm sorry. I didn't realize you used the world tangent and not rant to describe your rant tangent. I thought it was great.

          With all that being said….. SERIOUSLY, eff Harvard! To the Death!

        2. Aw I'm just playing CHeeKZ, I'm not all that sensi most of the time.

          Go on and eff Harvard hard, in the @ss, with no lube, callin it a b!tch, bareback, makes me no never mind…

  20. I used to often attend a social event called Plei (pronounced play) here in LA.

    http://www.mingleandplei.com/plei/Home.html

    The premise of how it worked is you would come in fill out a name tag w/ either your real name or nick name ( I was always BP) and just go from room to room playing games. There were lots of board games going on in several different rooms from Taboo to dominoes to spades. I met LOTS of professional, attractive, educated men and women of all races and it was always a good time. I liked Plei because it was such a chill, fun atmosphere and was a great way to unwind on Friday nights. People were always friendly and although there was a dance floor rarely did anyone dress up like they were in a "club".

    It wasn't deemed as a "match making" event but I know of several couples that found love "pleing". I think other cities would benefit from more events like this. IMHO match making events can be too stressful for some.

        1. Oh it's on! Taboo, bones, Cranium WOW, doesn't matter. Pick your poison. It's going down. Joc. ๐Ÿ˜‰

        1. You two have me rolling with this mechanical bull/drunkeness talk. I don't hold my liquor well ( everyONE becomes exponentially better looking with 2 drinks) so I think I may pass on that…..can't have the "token" dougieing in her leggings on mechanical bulls amongst the nerdy 2520's. How would I ever get my next promotion? #iDied

    1. They have one here in Atlanta called Playdate I think. I haven't been, but from the gallery pics, it seems like it's 90% women, 10% men (like a lot of places here)…so, not that pressed about going.

      But the concept is great, though!

      1. I don't blame you for not wanting to take a 10% chance because in the ATL 4 % may just be sweet as pie. You're an attractive woman, ask a friend to hook you up!

        1. LOL 1% isn't bad here! Trust me, I've asked friends to hook me up…and they all kind of stand there scratching their heads, LOL. I can see the wheels turning and the smoke billowing because they can't think of any SUITABLE guys. I've asked my male AND female friends.

      2. I have actually been to Playdate Atlanta a few times. I never thought of it as a "dating event" though. It really is only fun if you go with your own group of people and then you can interact with some of the other groups, or just have a good time on your own.

        Not being from Atlanta, it is a very cliquish city. To meet people you almost have to already know people.

  21. Slim, your posts have been on point lately! (My version of lately because I haven't been on here THAT long).

    Anyway, I've haven't been to any dating events like that and I'm sure I'd be wayy too nervous. I probably would have acted just like you, LOL. I'm somewhat socially awkward with groups of people I don't know.

    I'm more comfortable with something more structured like a dinner party. A new friend of mine said that she would host a dinner party with her fiance' who knows lots of single guys and that she'd invite me along with some of our other single friends.

    But just to mix 'n' mingle, I always feel like I'm at the junior high dance or something, LOL.

    One-on-one, I'm great though!

    1. I'm 10 times more likely to up and bounce to a house party event than I am to go out to a club/mixer/strut your stuff and go for the gold event. Not saying I won't go to the other, but I know where I shine.lol

  22. i've never been to any dating type event like the one you described. i don't think i would be opposed to it but it just doesn't seem my speed. i would imagine that at events like that the number of women would heavily outweigh the number of men.

  23. I am a newly single man in the Atlanta area, so I will take this chance to take some dating advice from the ladies and fellas as well.

    So ladies, where do you prefer to meet suitors (club,lounge, natural setting such as grocery store or bookstore)? What is the first thing you notice when meeting a dude? When at social settings is there an expecation that he buys you a drink? Do you give a gentleman signs that you want him to approach you?

    I have been boo'd up for the past year and a half, but I still tried to pay attention to the dating dynamics in Atlanta. I have overheard women say that they only bring their ID to the club because they get in free and dudes will buy them drinks all night. I also know quite a few women who date or accept a mans advances to get a couple of $100 meals out of him…**runs and calls ex for make-up call**

    For me myself it is always hard to get out and meet people. I attended and HBCU in Tally-Ho where there was an abundance of people who looked like me to network with, now that I am in corporate America, I see people of color few and far between during the day. Work til 7 or 8, get home by 9 or 10. I also travel constantly for work (currently closing a 2 week stint in LA). So how do you all balance being professionals but also make time for the social aspects of your life.

    C-Ro

    1. C-Ro are you into natural women? I inquire because I know of an attractive, articulate woman that I can introduce you to. In fact look two full comments up. #matchmakerskills.

        1. Sane is the welcoming committee/avatar proponent and all, but I just learned what to do so let me enlighten you whilst she gets her beauty sleep…upload a pic to gravatar.com Don't be alarmed if it doesn't show up right away, it takes a sec. #thatwaseasy

    2. C-Ro you just asked a whole host of question (many of which we've had debates over here at SBM) but maybe I can give you my condensed version.

      1. where do you prefer to meet suitors (club,lounge, natural setting such as grocery store or bookstore)?

      Anywhere is fine by me. Where ever I happen to be however, if I meet you in the club there may be a preconceived notion that you aren't after anything serious.

      2 What is the first thing you notice when meeting a dude?

      Personally, his height, his shoes & his eyes ๐Ÿ™‚

      3. When at social settings is there an expecation that he buys you a drink?

      No. I'm grown and if he likes me and our conversation & if he feels so inclined then sure. In no way do I expect him to spend his hard earned cash on a stranger.

      4. Do you give a gentleman signs that you want him to approach you?

      Yea… a glance from across the room that was held for a second too long & a smile. I might even strike up a conversation if you near by. That's just me though… I like to laugh so I'll say something slight to test your sense of humor and intelligence. I'm foolish like that.

      5. Being a working (& traveling) professional, I know it's hard but being out and being social is the best way around it. My town is one where you may not meet any other professionals if you don't already know some as well. I know the feeling. However, going out with your 2520 co-workers isn't such a bad idea. Usually they'll meet up w/ others who will have another black person doing the same thing as you ๐Ÿ™‚ & last but not least, I've found the most interesting professional men in my area at the gym.

      Who'd a thunk it? Lol.

    3. @C-Ro

      Another ATLien! I'm not sure how many post on here, but here are my answers to your questions as a single female wading through the dating quagmire of ATL:

      Q: So ladies, where do you prefer to meet suitors (club,lounge, natural setting such as grocery store or bookstore)?

      A: It really doesn't matter to me as long as the guy is respectful in addressing me and when speaking to me. I'm less inclined, like So Flyy, to take a guy in a club/lounge seriously. But, I tend to not frequent them that much anyway. I've been approached in most of those situations and it's been fine.

      Q:What is the first thing you notice when meeting a dude?

      A: Aside from the physical, I notice the approach and the quality of the conversation. I'm very much a conversationalist and enjoy a person who's funny and can banter a little.

      Q: When at social settings is there an expecation that he buys you a drink?

      A: No. If he wants to, cool, if not, that's fine too. He DOES get points if the conversation is going well AND he offers though. If the conversation is #nobueno and/or I'm not interested, I'd probably decline anyway.

      Q: Do you give a gentleman signs that you want him to approach you?

      A: LOL, I suck at flirting, so I'd have to say no.

      "I have been boo’d up for the past year and a half, but I still tried to pay attention to the dating dynamics in Atlanta. I have overheard women say that they only bring their ID to the club because they get in free and dudes will buy them drinks all night. I also know quite a few women who date or accept a mans advances to get a couple of $100 meals out of him…**runs and calls ex for make-up call**"

      Response to this last paragraph: This is not something I'm interested in. I used to say things like that (at like 21), but I got "got" really good one time. I went on a date and the conversation was non-existent. I felt like I was on a date by myself. From then on, I decided no free meal or drinks was worth it. I'd much prefer my own company to trying to carry a conversation.

      As far as these $100 meals from guys, I think it's selfish and wrong of these women, if they're not interested in the guy. I probably meet these guys AFTER they've been taken for a few hundreds, so I get "house date" suggestions, LOL.

      1. Thanks for your response! I am a bit leary of the house date situation when you first meet someone. First, said person can be crazy, second, do I really want a stranger knowing where I live.

        1. LOL…yeah, those guys aren't taken seriously. I live out in the suburbs, but there are CRAZY people everywhere.

  24. I haven't done too many meeting events but I always meet guys out at a friend's party or dinner and I'm always me. Even to my own detriment sometimes. I think it's just easier to be me, all the way me and not deal with the transitory bullish. You're either going to like me with all my faults o you're going to find out about me a couple months down the road and jet. Either way why waste time ๐Ÿ™‚

    The only way I would say that I'm not me is that i often have a rough time expressing interest in someone or reading those shy-guy I'm interested in you signals and I fail big time. ugh.

    love this post btw

  25. "Interesting point on the cliquish city. Do you think that’s the case for most large cities or is it specific to ATL?"

    I'm not sure about other big cities because I've only ever lived in the DMV area for a few months years ago, but ATL is very cliquish. It's hard to meet people as an adult and as a transplant. I've recently just started being more social because all of my friends moved away and left me, LOL, so I had to take more apps for friends. It's difficult here and I've heard that from so many people as well. I think a lot of it has to do with how "fake" it is here. People definitely present themselves as something they're not. You'd be surprised how many of these nice whips are rentals. #justsayin

      1. LMAO! I see you've been "hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray" as well! No, any given weekend you see the bruhs driving around in the Murcielago….rented. SL55 AMG? …..rented. There are a few celebrities here too, but if you see these cars at Lenox or Phipps on the weekend….rented, LOL.

        1. Right BP?!? Then be mad when they chick he pulls is a gold digger…ummm you were wearing the uniform babe. #itgoesbothways

        2. Phaaa….like who are you foolin when you do that?

          But seriously….in DC….you'ld get jacked….ask Killa Cam.

      2. Oh it gets funny it Atlanta. One of my best friends went on a date with a dude in Atlanta(to the club…..). And she went by his house first because he picked her up. He had this nice car or whatever and said he had a house and a roommate. While they are downstairs wathcing tv in the basement and talking or whatever his mom(read:roommate) calls down to see if he needs any of his clothes washed. Dude was approaching 30.

        1. Bwhahahaha… I love it when Mom is the roomie. I also love the line:

          She live w/ me, I don't live w/ her.

          -__-

          Either way, nah pimp you won't catch me sharing fruit loops w/ your mom in the AM post-coitus.

        2. You know what is interesting? I don't have a problem if a dude lives with his mom and especially if he is a first generation immigrant like myself. I haven't lived with my parents since I was a teenager but I have been known to not knock a brotha down too many points if he lives with his moms. Now he better be in school and/or working and paying ALL of his own bills. Maybe it is a cultural thing? I dunno. #kanyeshrug

        3. Its def nothing wrong with staying at home to handle some things. The funny thing here was that he was driving a new luxury vehicle(i.e. flossin).

        4. @ C-Ro, I get what you are saying but I would have to know more about this story. Did he just lose his job or is he a PS3 all day every day negro…because that is NOT the ticket. I guess what I am getting at is there are extenuating circumstances that can put people in those situations. Like So Fly cleverly mentioned I won't be looking at his moms eating breakfast the next morning. His living "arrangement" has to be temporary and he must have a plan. If said dude is just trying to stunt with a nice whip and lives with his mother…no hay amor de BP.

    1. Interesting. So how does this clique stuff play out in Atlanta? I'm in the DMV and we have plenty of people that fall into all those categories but I've never felt ostricized by any clique. So how does this clique stuff work?

      1. Considering the stereotypes of the South (everyone is friendly)its actually pretty ironic. I have been to NY, Chi-town, and LA a few times this summer and while out at lounges/clubs etc the people were more friendly and likely to talk to you. In Atlanta you go out with your 4 or 5 friends, and hang/laugh/drink with them all night and go home. I suppose this isnt bad for people that are from here, but as a transplant it does make meeting people a little difficult

        Also meeting people in Atlanta can be interesting because of some of the stereotypes….. I assume all the dudes are gay. So if a dude speaks to me (in Lenox its probably99% true) I assume they are trying to holler. If talking to a female, because dudes say some wild and crazy ish due to the numbers being in their favor, they assume something wild or crazy is about to come out of my mouth and start out being defensive.

      2. Yeah I can imagine it's kind of a strange time in Atlanta right now. I don't think a city has ever been gentrified by black people before LOL. Half of DC moved there within the past 5 years.

    2. I'm not from Atlanta but I doubt there is such a thing as a black ivy league clique?

      What are five people going to do together?

  26. This is interesting… I'm located in Houston myself and I use to throw "Speed Dating" events about a year ago… And you know at first its a little weird but after ppl got to talking things warmed up and everything was everything… I invited one of my Uncle's good friends who is normally shy but even he said after the first round it was cool. Now there is always some singles mixer that I am getting invited to, haven't been recently but I don't mind going by n e means… I think its a good look.

    ~ JRight Live ~

  27. @Starita…yep! These men stay complaining about gold diggers, LOL. This is why….

    @BP, yes, rented Lambos and all those "exotic" cars…Ferraris, Maseratis, etc. It's ridiculous!

    1. Yeah, yeah, yeah….fakey fakes suck. What I REALLY want to talk about and is more interesting is that C-Ro asked you to "look him up"…I know you saw that New….don't play BP.

      He is educated, seems very nice and is gainfully employed. #justsayin'

  28. Just thought I'ld share….Transformers should be rolling past my job in about an hour. I work a block away from where Bumblebee wrecked yesterday. LoL They are saying that DC cop was a Decepticon. ROFL.

  29. You will have better luck at a local gym or a bookstore.

    Ladies go to Loews or HomeDepo. Go find an Indoor basketball court or buy tickets to a game. The dating games are a waste. Its a place for lames! Pre-planned dating never works. Just be more open to doing your thing and someone you like will find you. keep it all the way 100!

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