Having an orgasm is cool, but sometimes there’s more to life than busting a fat one. Don’t get me wrong, I love to get my horizontal reggae wrestle on and thunderclap that a$$ on a fairly regular basis once I find someone that makes me wanna repeatedly tickle their fancy and push the juice dispenser button. I’m just saying that there are other things in life that are equally as addictive, pleasurable, and sleep-inducing as s*x, but aren’t s*x. These are things that allow me to keep my clothes on and not have to worry about making any special trims before walking out the door or opening it to let someone in. That’s only TMI if you actually sit there and think about it.
In the interest of keeping it light and I ain’t talking complexion, I’ve decided to put together a list of things I often find more enjoyable than s*x most of the time:
I’ve recently rekindled the flame with the hard wood. Ehh, let me try this again…
I recently started playing basketball again and it’s f*ckin’ awesome. Prior to these weekly runs (no Pepto-Bismol), the last time I played was on someone’s corporate team about 2 years ago. It used to be the highlight of my week and I’d prepare for it like I had an NBA contract. When my team won the insignificant championship, I was on top of some girl the world. I didn’t care that I wasn’t getting a commission check for my day job that month because the client reneged. All that mattered was the cool free jersey I got to keep and the pic we took as a team. I slept very well that week. Now that I’m playing again, I get an increasing level of satisfaction as my skills return. And just like s*x, every now and then I catch a cramp. #Gatorade
Fun and Entertaining Conversation
This has been known to lead to s*x when someone says something jokingly but secretly wishes it to come true, but that’s not what I mean here. Sometimes I just like the company of a woman that has a good and slightly odd sense of humor like myself. Knee-slapping laughter makes Slim a not so dull boy. Similar to a one night stand or cut buddy, this doesn’t need to go anywhere. It is what it is and it’s enjoyable for both parties.
Outwitting One of the Fellas in Madden, NBA 2K11, Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter etc. and Talking Sh*t Afterward
This is better than having a contest to see who can club more women over the head and drag them back to the lair for acts of spawning.
Figuring Out Website Enhancements
Since I’m the face of my blog, I gotta keep it’s appearance tidy and make it enticing to drunk girls folks stopping by for the first time. Keeping it clean and simple sounds easy, but sometimes it’s quite the opposite. It’s taken me hours before to figure out the simplest ish. And when I finally solve the equation, I usually make a sound somewhere between a grunt and a groan, slouch in my seat, close my eyes, and wait for my energy to come back.
This goes without saying, but it’s like intellectual mast*rbation. It’s also like selfish empty s*x. Sometimes I do it and don’t really care if people reading it are satisfied. I just need to get it out.
Never had a girl food from an island that I didn’t like. I eat it all.
That’s my list for today. What are some of the things that you think are better than s*x? Do you even think this is possible? Have you ever passed on good s*x to do something that you thought would be more fulfilling, if even for a moment?
Baby can I put this keyboard on your back,