About four months ago, I wrote a Part I to this series to much success. A lot of women would love to hear less about them and prefer that we talk about men and what men need to do. In the backroom, I will tell the fellas that we don’t have to do much, and that’s perfectly fine … if you don’t plan on having any women in that backroom with you. Reality tells us that we just have to learn to be better men. The normal malfeasance that goes on in the streets bothers me greatly because at times it’s like watching your favorite team’s quarterback throw an errant pass across the field. You’re watching it thinking that this is the worst decision ever, and then finally without fail, it’s intercepted and the game is over … we all go home.
So there’s going to come a time when you have to talk to women. You’re going to have to open your mouth and say something and pray that it’s not the most ignorant thing you’ve ever said out your mouth. Take a knee and open up your notepads.
From time to time, make her feel special without dirty talk – It takes a man to be able to compliment a woman, or say something meaningful without turning it into sex talk and slow jams. Nothing turns a woman off quicker than textual communications that go straight to talking about sex. Her: How’s your day going? Me: Good, can’t wait until you come over tonight, breaking out the ice. Her: [Smh…] If you are an effective listener, you will know what she likes to do, or what’s going on in her life that’s important. Starting a sentence off like this, is a good strategy, “That’s one thing I like about you…” Try a compliment about her personality, ability to get things done, or something that she was worried about but she overcame it.
The first time you have a misunderstanding – You’re going to have disagreements, but it’s important that you don’t fly off the handle at the first sight of a disagreement. I know that too often men want to think they are such hot shots and they come across disrespectful. 99% of all problems with women can be solved by just letting them express themselves. “My bad about that, what’s up? Talk to me.” THIS, will get her to start talking to you and she will likely tell you what you did wrong and how to do it better in the future. Not saying that you have to do anything though, just listening will make her feel ten times better.
Letting her know whether you want a situation or a relationship – Men believe that silence is golden. Dr. J believes that I’m going to tell you something, package it perfectly, and you’re going to like it. Be direct and speak first. If you want to make a girl your girlfriend, do NOT say, “I’m trying to make you my girlfriend.” You say, “I do not believe in relationships without substance. I hope that this is building into something worth having.” If you just want a situation, “I really have fun with you, I’m glad that you don’t pressure me either way about things. I am really excited to see where this goes.” (Straight to your mama’s bed, lol.)
Setting boundaries and sticking to them – A man can get so much accomplished by being firm and strong. “Please keep in mind that those are my friends, and although you do not have to like them, you will respect them” is way better than, “Don’t be talking sh*t about me and my boys, b*tch!” A lot of women don’t like this, but I’m going to take it a step further, sometimes you may not say what she wants to hear, caving in later will not help her respect you. So if you said, “I am just not going to be the type of boyfriend who buys you everything you want, especially if it’s seasonal,” don’t turn around and then the following week break down and buy her those Fendi loafers because she wouldn’t give you none. She just won’t respect your word. My daddy told me, “I may be wrong, but you are going to know that when I say I’m going to do something, that I am a man of my word.”
Other women you’re not sleeping with – I’m letting you know right now, I could write a post on this topic. An entire post on this topic. You have to learn how to talk to those chicks you are not sleeping with. Women are just as grimy as men sometimes. You don’t have to be nasty, but you need to be straight up. When you’re in a relationship or situation, the women outside will test you more than Lucy in the desert on day 35. They will hug you two seconds too long, they will get you to do favors that they could do for themselves, they will try and get you to buy them things. You have to back these chicks off. The key is to nip it in the bud early. “Chill, that’s not cool, I’m seeing somebody right now.” However, if you are still talking about the last time you had sex with an old flame at 3AM, you are … a … hot a*s mess.
I’m going to keep these series up from time to time. I think the next one I’ll talk about breakups. I think that it should be noted that none of my exes hate me or feel bad about me. In fact, some of them are good friends today. No I don’t hang out with them, or share candy or beverages, but if we are in the same place we can be cordial and endearing. Correction: All of the exes that I knew I was in a relationship with, when we were allegedly in a relationship. That one chick who said we were together without telling me, she can go to hell.