**Bringing you guys a special treat today on SBM, it’s Wisdom Is Misery. He’s been here before, so you know the game. We hope to bring you more guest posts in the future, so please show him some love and check him out at his blog, http://www.wisdomismisery.com.** The key word is “looking.” I don’t usually make widespread assumptions but I’m pretty sure I’m right about this one. Despite the claims to the contrary, men are always looking for serious relationships.
The problem is, we can’t tell women we’re looking for serious relationships because in their conceit they will naturally assume we’re looking for a serious relationship with them specifically. While this is only sometimes the case.
Please note I said men, not boys. Boys are looking to have relations with as many women as possible until the end of time. Men are willing to have relations with as many women as possible but are simultaneously keeping an eye out for a good woman they want to be with exclusively. As I mentioned earlier, we can’t tell women this so we keep it to ourselves.
What men do is:
They meet a woman they might have some potential interest in and they promptly warn her, “I’m not looking for anything serious.” Even though he is. This is code for, I’ve just put you on the possible girlfriend/wife plan but I’m going to wait and see how you act first. If you freak out and give us a speech about what you need and the timeline in which you need it as you work your head back and forth, swivel your index finger in our face, and belittle us about how we need to man up, well we know after 2 dates you’d bring up the marriage conversation – and who wants that?
Instead, without even knowing it, this man is observing you and judging by your actions he will determine which category he’s going to file you under. Jumpoff, side chick, main chick, only chick, or worst case scenario, platonic friend.
I’ve never, ever, everrr met a man that went out with the sole purpose of making a female friend. I believe all male and female friendships happen by accident or destiny. Accident being he was trying to get in your jeans and somewhere he juked when he should have jived and ended up as your BFF. Destiny being yall grew up together, were introduced by family or some other awkward situation that makes you almost like his sister so getting in your jeans would be weird, not that it might not happen one inebriated night, but I digress…
There are circumstances when a man really isn’t feeling you and he says “I’m not looking for anything serious”.
But this means!
1) he’s not attracted to you or
2) he’s trying to see how far he can get with you without getting into a relationship with you, FWB in this beach?
Still, men are always looking for serious relationships because believe it or not most men don’t want to die alone. He might even file you under the ‘future wife’ category and hope some man doesn’t come along and wife you up in the meantime. And given that 45% of black women in America have never married according to CNN, quite frankly, the odds are on his side.
Most, if not all, women have a story where a man looked them dead in the face and said “I’m not looking for anything serious”. Then 2 days/weeks/months later, low and behold, he’s in a serious relationship. Not knowing this man, I don’t know the specifics, but I do know he clearly had his eye open for a relationship and for whatever reason someone else made it to the finish line before you.
I say all this to say, as the title states, men are always looking. We’re just rarely proactively engaging. I don’t know about most men (or people) but generally speaking, I already have an idea of where I see myself with a woman. Just in about 5 minutes into the conversation! It’s really up to them to mess it up even if they aren’t aware of it. But if asked, I’d repeat that I’m not looking for anything serious. Because I’m not, even though I am.
Fellas, am I completely off the mark here? Do you keep your eye out for women you could see yourself with even at the height of your promiscuity? Or are you looking for serious relationships with good women randomly, like the lottery? Ladies, is it the same for you? Do you guys always plan everything while dating? Do you have guys filed into a diverse classification system even when you’re just “dating?”