Home Men Why Men Don’t Answer the Phone

Why Men Don’t Answer the Phone

Grr! You’re in the other room!

Imagine a 6’1 225 pound black man rolling around on the floor, yelling in agony, knocking things over, and looking as if his antics were heavily influenced by a black director that shall remain nameless. Imagine this same black man getting up off the floor only to fall back down and clutch his chest like Fred G. Sanford. Yeah, that’s me when my cell phone rings and I don’t want to answer the phone.

When I say my phone was in the other room or that I had it on silent, I’m telling the truth. After a long day of work, entertaining, and mulling over an assortment of daily life tasks, the last thing I usually wanna do when I get home is talk on the phone. The only exception to these ill feelings is when I’m in a long distance relationship or I have some really good news to share. Other than that, 7 times out of 10 I’m not picking up until I’m settled and have concluded that I’ve enjoyed enough me time. The 3 out of 10 times that I do answer is because I’m anticipating the call, have something specific to say or listen to, or I’m really just happy to hear from the person. If you’re one of the people in my real life that has an incredibly difficult time getting a hold of me, don’t take it personal. You aren’t the only one that called when I had my phone wrapped in 3 towels and tucked into a suitcase full of socks.

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My volatile relationship with my phone developed somewhere in the last 5-7 years. Don’t blame me. Blame G-chat. Honestly, there was a point where I didn’t mind sitting and yapping away for hours on end. I do it from time to time now because it’s what good friends and family members do, but if I can avoid it or move it to a medium that doesn’t require me to move my lips (pause?), I will. And as you can probably imagine, my resistance to talking on the phone has impacted my relationships or lack thereof. But before some of you throw tomatoes at me or start making your face all crunchy like stale salt and vinegar chips, let me make a few brief and random points:

Not answering my phone right away or being the first to call doesn’t mean I’m not interested.

Baby that doesn’t exist in my life right now, we have texted all day and I know just about everything you’ve done at work or in class because you logged into g-chat. I’ll call you to say I’m thinking of you or right before I go to sleep, but do we really need to sit here and have the same conversation we had earlier? Do we really have to sit in silence watching the same tv show? Don’t you know I still have a post to write? Am I not coming over after this show goes off so I can turn you into the little spoon or a human pretzel?

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I really don’t need to call if it can be handled via text.

Sometimes I get scatter-brained and I’ve been known to have A.D.D. It’ll be much more productive if we set this up electronically rather than you setting me up for failure. How bout we make plans, confirm them on BBM, and then I’ll call you when I’m on the way and there?

If I do call you or pick up right away because I know your feelings will be hurt otherwise, appreciate it.

Just as I like someone that can inspire me to be better, I like someone that can inspire me to press the green button, smile, and not feel as if I’m pacing around my apartment trying to figure out how to entertain you. Sometimes it really is about the little things…and I’m not talking about shrinkage.

So yeah, I don’t like the phone too much. How about you? Is it important that you have phone conversations with a significant other daily even if you’ve chatted via other mediums throughout the day? What are your expectations of phone time during the courting phase? Other thoughts? **Dodges a tomato and flips the bird**

I still wanna hold you girl, but just not to my ear,


  1. How about you? Is it important that you have phone conversations with a significant other daily even if you’ve chatted via other mediums throughout the day?

    ^^^Um, if there are some texts but not a lot, it is still nice to hear the person's voice, especially if i've had a rough day/night (like i did tonight). Its things like "i didn't have much to say but i wanted to hear your voice" or "i just wanted to say goodnight" that could make all the difference.

    What are your expectations of phone time during the courting phase?

    ^^^Texting is my strong suit, you know i will answer right away (unless immersed in dreamland (._. ))…i, too, have a bit of A.D.D and sometimes loose focus but if i'm into that person, i will come right back to them. It's just nice to hear a voice (especially if they have a nice one).

    Good post because i totally can relate. I hate being called when i'm not in a good mood, very busy or sleeping (-_-).

  2. lol @ "i still wanna hold u girl, but just not to my ear"

    Is it important that you have phone conversations with a significant other daily even if you’ve chatted via other mediums throughout the day?

    – not not really… but if u can hold my attention i dont mind but if its boring.. i might just hang up on u or give u an excuse to get off the phone lol

    What are your expectations of phone time during the courting phase?

    – call/text me often enough that i kno ur thinking of me but not all the time cuz then u will irritate me. During the courting phase time, spending time together outside of the "phone time" is important to me.

  3. I always answer but am often almost immediately trying to end the convo. I don't gchat or text or do personal calls during the day so I don't have that excuse. I just really prefer to zone out when I get home from work.

  4. i love slim jackson he is my kanye west of blogging. always makes sense to me and i can relate to it all. thank u slim. b2tt…..

    i hate talking on the phone as well. but i sometimes hate texting. well im a full time student with a full time job. so my breaks between classes and hour lunch at work is my "me" time and i sometimes dont want to be bothered with any1. its funny because i keep my phone on "alarm only". and when i get home studying…

  5. With technology, is so difficult to be on the phone for that long. specially if you have a webcam, now I can talk to you and see you so the phone is slowly becoming an antique. If I really wanna chat with ppl I webcam them, if not hit me on the aim, gchat, bbm or email. There are way too many ways to contact me to stress the phone thing. But I do like to talk, so thats why my webcam is perfect! When a guy is interested he will pick up the phone or hit that call bottom on skype, it might not happen every time but it will happen some times and its more meaningful. If we getting to know each other, we dont have to spend hours on the phone but it would be nice to do more than text here and there. You learn to appreciate things when they not part of the routine!

  6. Me and the phone have a love/hate relationship. I find that I can spend the whole day not talking to anyone and STILL get upset when my phone rings later on that evening.

    My ex ruined me. He'd call me from the moment I left work, talk to me while I was on the 3 busses home, and then say "open the door, I'm outside" when I finally reached home. I'm still in my work clothes smelling like outside.

    So yeah, my time to decompress is extremely important.

    If we've communicated throughout the day, then all I need is a "Goodnight" text and I'm good.. I wrote a post about hating to text, but once we've confirmed everything and given out the sweet declarations, what else is there to text about? We d*mn sure don't need to talk.

    I turn my phone to silent in the morning when I'm praying and yes, most of the time leave it on silent the whole day, buried in the couch, where I purposely threw it so I didn't hear it buzzing..

    I answer the phone for very few people.

    1. "I answer the phone for very few people."

      The crux of the issue, I think. I think many people share this sentiment, and if I'm your S/O, I'd hope that I was one of those people.

      And that I know you well enough that I don't call all the time, or during your work decompression time/the game, and keep it short if i know you hate the phone…and you'd know that ignoring my calls may send me into my head and that I wouldn't call for no reason and that the call should be short and to the point. I mean if we're S/Os, we should know these things about each other…no?

  7. How about you? Is it important that you have phone conversations with a significant other daily even if you’ve chatted via other mediums throughout the day?

    It's important that I'm connected to my significant other daily. If it's long distance, even if it's just 3 minutes, I like to talk to him at least every other day. However, if we've text throughout the day, that's fine. If we have gmail chatted throughout the day–That's great. One of my "great characteristics" with some and horrible, I think you're cheating on me for others, is the fact I like my space. Like sometimes, I really just don't feel like being bothered, and I don't feel like there needs to be any other excuse than give me 50 feet. My last "relationship" ended because I wasn't a phone person and I had other things to do besides him (no pun intended). #shrugs …But, I don't feel the need to change that. As long as I'm communicating with him, we're both happy, and I'm a human pretzel/spoon after my equally long day….I'm good.

    I definitely feel you on this post. I get blasted by some of my sorors and girlfriends for not always having my phone on/having it on silent. People forget you don't "have" to pick up the phone; it's a luxury for me, and until anyone else pays one bill, it's going to stay that way.

    1. omg i totally agree.

      I'm only 22 but I guess I have old school ways because I prefer to be called.

      The only way I am accepting of text other communication is:

      your mad busy but want to prove your still thinking about me by giving me a few text here and there throughout the day.

      If you get on the phone and do not have anything to say. Its best to just be honest because with me, I will most like say, "well I will talk to you later cause all we doing is listening to each other breathe."

      The problem is that today many of us who still prefer phone calls for the very reasons you have stated are still forced to text or use other media if we want to continue a relationship with someone. I tried telling a guy I was getting to know that Im sick of him only texting me. (I dont even have unlimited texts) However, he continued to do it and it all came down to if I wanted to continue seeing him or stop due to just not talking on the phone. So I had to decide what was more important.

  8. I'm with Nick on the love/hate relationship. I can't say there are people to blame for why I don't like being on the phone as much but ehh. Sh*t happens and I can think of 5 people who make me hate the phone.

    Not too long ago, I'd look forward to seeing my phone ring, regardless of who the person was calling. And if someone said [back then], "I'll call you back later." I took their word for it and of course I'd get back if later = next month.


    Now, the only people I pick up the phone for are people I feel like talking to at the moment. Well, I'll always pick up for my parents because I'm working on that relationship with them. I love em. *shrug* But yeah, being on the phone now? Ugh. If we're not having a real conversation, send me a text message. I hate listening to you breathe and to that played out Silence soundtrack. I'm over it. I'm slowly becoming a misanthrope and I don't know how I feel about it.

    Blame people. Phone calls aren't the same anymore. So why bother?

  9. I'm real old school when it comes to this topic. I don't like to text, bbm, gmail or any of that. I do IM every once in awhile but only to convey a brief message…I like talking on the phone…maybe, its generational but if you have time to text…you have time to pick up the phone right? its easier to just say what you have to say rather than type it… in my book….things get lost in translation when you text…the tone get's misconstrued sometimes…its just not the most effective way of communicating in my opinion…….So, if you are in a relationship with me and you don't like to communicate primarily by phone or face to face…we are probably not going to make it…..

    Good Post.

    1. I agree with what you're saying and I used to live for getting on the phone for some good times, good talks and catching up. But soon, technology took over people's minds and they don't know how to communicate. So I gave up a bit. :-/

    2. "things get lost in translation when you text…the tone get’s misconstrued sometimes…its just not the most effective way of communicating in my opinion…

      great point and I absolutely agree that is the only downfall of this form of technology,IMO

    3. I gotta say, I feel you, Queen (ya highness! LOL). I rather talk to a person on the phone than text, IM, or whatnot. I spend 10+ hours typing on the computer at work alone. Why do I feel the need to push buttons on my phone till my fingers bleed and my eyes sting from looking at a screen? Dayum all of that! If what you got to say takes more than 3 texts, you better call a bruh. I'm not fittin to sit here and get carpal tunnel at 28yo. (Even though I feel it even right now. My beleif is technology is seperating the human emotion and spirit, therefore making us isolated. I text at the minimum, but if you my lady,…I'll make sacrifices, LOL

    4. Yea, I had to think about the getting to know you thing. There comes a point in time with some friends where I KNOW what they mean when the say certain things; however, this is not the case when it comes to forming new relationships. I do think people, especially my age group, have fallen out of touch of courtship via telephone and in person. Sometimes, you do feel like you're dating a machine, and not the man. So good point miss…really good point 🙂

  10. Can you please call all of my male friends and tell them this. I feel the same way. My eyes roll when I see that it is them calling not because I don't like them or that I don't care, I just don't want to be bothered. I have been in contact all day and I have no want to come home, try to relax and now have to sit on the phone. I know how your day has been because you have been texting me all day telling me about, so I do not need to rehash everything again during the last few hours of my day.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate


  11. I'm going to agree with Queen T on this one… I am also old school to an extent. I do text/bbm/im etc but thats usually little snippets of things that occur around you… If I am in a relationship with you, I want to hear your voice every day, it doesn't have to be a long struggling conversation but a hello, bidding you good night, sweet dreams, see you soon or things along that nature let me know that we are important to us.

  12. I also have a love/hate relationship with the telephone. During the day I talk to people on the phone all day so I really don't want to talk to family or friends when I get home. I love my husband's voice so when he comes home and I hear that deep bass I'm cool with the face to face.

    My sons, we text…i really don't have a lot to say to them on the phone unless I don't feel as though my "I'm at the grocery store DO NOT LET ME SEE ANY DIRTY DISHES OR RECYCLABLES IN THAT HOUSE WHEN I GET BACK!" (fwd).

    Doesn't seem effective enough. I notice that my whole family is like that though because we share 1400 minutes a month and never use them but we text like crazy. The only time I pick up the phone is when it's too much to text and then I just usually send an email directly to the BB or Droid of choice. My gf's email me during the day and we catch up that way.

    I really think that the evolution of the cell phone, the high cost of minutes and talking on the phone and unlimited texting as a way around extra fees is what has gotten our society to where it is right now.

  13. This post is singing my feelings about the phone.

    I haaaaaaaate it and have strict rules about when I will and will not accept phone calls and how long said calls can last.

    However, because so many of my most favourite people in life live in another country, I have had to learn to embrace the phone. The people in my life that I can't see without a plane ride are eligible for long and frequent calls. Everyone else can find me on kik or keep it moving.

  14. iCoSign this post. It's always hilarious to see my face when people call me… especially someone I'm "talking to"

    Phone: *ring*

    My Face: O_O

    I usually stare for a moment or two before answering. I answer for one of my girls b/c altho we g-chat/text all day she apparently needs to talk to me at least once a day, rather evening hours or at work. I think I talk to her the most of all my friends/family b/c I can sense her need to talk. Most of my friends are texters/emailers so we get by that way. Even my momma is learning to text…

    If i'm in a relationship, then of course the phone is necessary sometimes to feel the connection to the other person, especially when if you live where I live that most likely means you're in a LDR. I usually keep up w/ the boobookins via email/gchat/text & then a possible nightcap (on the phone) every other day. However, I am perfectly fine w/ a goodnight series of text messages.

    One loophole: [Good conversation] If we have something to converse about, or you keep me entertained without having to think about ' what I'm gon say next' then you may be able to hold me hostage for a while before I notice that my ear is burning… lol.

    1. LOL, your loophole makes me laugh! I guess that's just an assumption on my part. Drab convo with anyone, in any medium is unbearable!

      All my comments seem so pro phone and it's very misleading. I hate the phone, I'm never on my phone. But when Him was in my life…that phone was implanted into my skin because he liked the phone and I liked Him and he always had good convo and nasty, nasty, dirty talk.

      That's what I'm saying. If he's your significant other, shouldn't his calls be interesting? Shouldn't you have something to say to him? We always did…but you see how that worked out. What do I know?

  15. Call me different or what not but I have been known to have 3-4 hr conversations with a lady that I'm interested in… A person like me really enjoys a good convo every now and again. I get a kick out of dialog between ppl, I guess that is why I blog/facebook… Even after a long day at the office I enjoy coming home and relaxing a bit telling my lady what went on that made i so long.. I guess I feel like if I can't talk to my lady in this fashion then she doesn't need to be my lady… But like I said, call me different

    JRight Live

    King Of Talk

  16. LOL @ this topic because it is so me. I don't mind talking on the phone but I just can't do it for hours on end. My fiance isn't too happy about it at times but its just how things are. I don't have to talk to you on the phone daily. I'll text my ass off though so contact will be made and more than likely I'll call anywho.

    I'm more of a listener anyway. I already don't talk much unless its a social setting with a group of people. Now if you have something to tell me I'm literally all ears and will give responses when necessary.

    Just don't call me and then tell me to talk to you when you have said nothing.

  17. I'm all for good communication but nowadays you spoiled brats have made it more complicated than it should be.

    I have no problems with getting a call during the day but I recently discovered that I would have to really dig the person making the call. Most recently I had someone I was seeing and she called and asked "how is your day?" Everyday. Considering that my work days mesh together and are only highlighted buy computer illiterate Boomers who need to retire, I usually gave her some groaning answer and hope she never asked it again. Then there is texting…I can do a little bit of back and forth but usually all I would want to know is if we're smashing tonite.

    Eh…I think I'm going to learn sign language.

  18. Old school over here – especially with my old azz replacement phone (aka Crocket and Tubbs). My personal experience in the past was that men who continually avoided calling for texts were shady. Ex: If I call you and you text me "Wassup" 5 minutes later I'm thinking that you're with someone else and that our communication needs to be hidden for some reason. Me no likey. Back in the stone age when I was on the market men would try to mack on the sneak tip with the text messages. Can't be reached during dinnertime. No communication on Saturday until the afternoon (because they were shopping with their girl and kids during the dang day). The list goes on. Nowadays it's more of a technology thing, but my old azz still associates call avoidance with shade.

    These days my girls who are still out there keep telling me that guys press them out about phone pics. Don't know what that's about either. If you meet a girl first in person and know what she looks like, why are you asking for pics like 20 minutes after you part ways? I don't trussit.


      Girl, that's just the send me naked pics #swindle. I can't. It's so true though, more reliable than Old Faithful. New guy that's not about ish will ask for pics within the first 2 conversations. It's a very effective weeding out technique. Oh you want pics? What you don't remember me from yesterday? How many chicks you talking to? Here's a pic for you –


      1. The pics absolutely kill my life… like really? It's kind of freakish that you would want a pic of my face [cuz that's all you gettin] in your phone and we JUST met. But I agree that it is the quickest way to weed ninjas out. & when they send pics of themselves as a catalyst to get me going…

        *FWD via MMS to all 7 GFs for good laughs*

        Don't send your man body over here unsolicited, especially if we JUST met. Now, the boobookins… let's just say *ahem* he is more than welcome. LOL.

        1. Wishing you continued blessings and comfort and foot massages, and midnight ice cream runs, and back rubs, and help tying your shoes, lol.

  19. Here's my thing….

    All of this technology is taking the humanity out of communication. I text/Gchat/BBM and all that jazz, but I enjoy speaking with people and hearing their voice. "LOL" cannot replace the sound of someone laughing at your little joke. You can't fully express your true self through text, and maybe that's why so many people prefer it to actual talking. You can't fully express human emotion, and you aren't experiencing true human contact. The only time I use text is during work or when I'm not in a position to talk. Otherwise, I want to be able to express myself in the fullest way possible outside of face-2-face contact, and that is usually through the phone. Oh, and thank God for Skype and other video talk/chat services.

    1. N.I.A….

      You are on point with this. I prefer face toface as well. I am a reader of faces and body language and that is impossible to do over the phone via text, etc.

        1. LOL is my default for chuckle. you can totally chuckle while thinking WTF and while SMH. lol <—-see? its a reflex to type this after everything. I have a problem.

    2. I smell you. I really do. Human interactions are awesome… but if only one person wants to interacts you are ruining it. Plus with today… people need to multitask and phone conversations take away that ablility.

      1. "Plus with today… people need to multitask and phone conversations take away that ablility."

        I am with this^^^

        I think this is one of the main reasons people feel some kind of way with those who don't like putting in phone time because they feel they are not getting our undivided attention.

        1. I would co-sign, but the truth is the majority of people are not busy 24/7 except maybe some single parents. Otherwise, people make time for what they deem important. If talking to someone you're dating is important, you'll make time for it. If not, you'll say talking on the phone takes away your ability to multi-task. And I'm not talking 3-hr conversations. Who has done that since HS or undergrad?

          Sometimes, I feel like a lot of this technology is reverting us back to childhood, where it was easier to write a note to your friend, or potential SO, than it was to actually have a conversation with them.

  20. The role of the phone in relationships: if we live in the same city, the only call I expect to receive/make are "I'll be over in 20 min". Texting, gchat are all acceptable. Long distance, phone calls are needed.
    The role of the phone in courting: hmm…I like in person activities to get to know a man so I'm not gonna pressure for the phone.

    I ignore phone calls more often then I answer cuz I know who's calling to talk bout nothin. The only calls I try to answer are people who live far away. I got a Facebook msg this week that I was being rude for ignoring someone's call lmao…he doesn't realize that I'm just gonna ignore ALL his calls now.

  21. I hate the phone. I applaud you and this post. I have had arguments/tough situations regarding the phone in the last 3 relationship/situations I've been in. I hate talking on the phone. If you could text me, why call me. If we can g-chat, even better. There's not going to be anything that will change my mind, and I've even fallen asleep on the phone with a person VERY important to me during a very important conversation…just because I was dog tired and the phone doesn't hold my interest. Of course I feel terrible about that…and I'm not advocating that behavior at all, but its just a testament to how much the phone doesn't move me…

  22. I love to talk on the phone, but not all of the time. If we've been texting for 4-5 hours during the day, then no we don't NEED to have a long recap in the evening.

    It is nice to hear your boo's or the person your courting before you go to bed, makes for nice*wet* dreams.

  23. I was just thinking about communication overload the other night.

    When I get home I communicate with my family so aside from a mandatory bff quick conversation, I am not eager to talk on the phone. I get it honestly, my mom says what she has to say, quick I love yous and that's it.

    Sometimes, I just have to take a moment and sit in silence….sigh. No TV, no cell, no computer…nothing. I can only imagine what all this is doing to my body.

    I tell people: Don't take it personal.

    My hubbie and I make it a point to not talk as much during the day. So by the time we do see each other, it's like….yeah.

    1. Maybe I need to do that. Granted me and my fiance only talk limited because of conflicting schedules (I work the "regular" shift, she's a nurse doing 7P-7A). When I"m awake she's sleep, and vice versa. It makes talking during the day kindo of meh even when she is off. I'm so used to flying dolo when I get off work that when she is off I still don't want to talk all night, especially since she just woke up at around 3PM if she worked the night before.

  24. love this.

    I hate the phone. HATE HATE HATE. My friends think they are being ignored but there's so much to do. I'd rather bbm/gchat you while I'll do something else- think of how much we can accomplish. Now granted there are some longer stories that I'd love to have over the phone but most of the trivial things can most certainly be taken care of by fingers.

      1. “…most of the trivial things can most certainly be taken care of by fingers.”

        ….and tongues. #justsayin :0P + (()) = :0}

  25. Ha! Funny! I had just gone off on this on Twitter on Sunday bout my mom calling me 11 times, leaving me 11 voice mails all saying the exact same thing in a 3 hour time span. Yes, I was more than jut annoyed, I was extremely irritated!!! And she had just left town too (she was in PHX visiting)! *sigh* That's why I rudely awoke her today screaming in her ear freaking her out to say happy birthday… yeah she didn't like that all… betch!


    But I concur with you bald headed one, pause, it is sometimes annoying to answer a phone call from certain individuals because they always have something stupid or uninteresting to talk about, and even worst, is that they're the type of people that you just can't say something and have it be the last of the conversation to hang up with because they'll hang on to that one line and continue! Grrr…..

    If in a relationship we text or g-chat all day, I don't necessarily need to speak to them unless they're away for more than 3 days, then at least a call before going to bed would be ok, no need to be calling me every day at random times, although, if that was to happen and he calls me out of the blue to tell me that he loves me and just wanted to tell me and hang up that would give him extra brownie points and some good good later on lol…

  26. Look when you are on the phone…. life is passing you by. I really have to make the decision of if this conversation is really adding anything to me or my knowledge. People read women want to kill me with long conversation. I only have so many hours in the day…

    and conversations take way to long to go somewhere..

    I had to bark at my mother b/c she has to play 30 questions before she gets to the point of why she is calling. Than after I bark she gets to shy to tell you why she called so she just pretends like she had a reason. Now its my fault that she pretended she never had a reason and her point goes unaddressed. Eff this chit chat get to the point, people don't have time for you…

    1. I have never really cared to be on the phone long. I can sit in a room one on one and chat for hours but the phone….*crickets.

      The telephone, text, or whatever takes away the good stuff:

      Facial expressions

      Hand motions

      Goofy laughs

      Being able to catch a liar

      and much more.

      Call me ole' fashion but I like all that.

        1. It's hard enough getting to know a person. If you are doing most of this via technology…you really are NOT getting to know that person.

          Looking into person’s eyes, body language, and all the other things that come with face-to-face interaction is important if you want to truly be intimate and understand a person.

    2. I was getting to it Sukez… lol.

      I've always hated the telefone. lol.

      Maybe I never made a full transition from the awkward phone stage in high school where you had to think of what to say next, wait on the phone in silence while you both watch TV, etc.

      & because I wasn't patient enough to deal then… it's most definitley a sore spot now. On top of all that, my voice is a bit bass-y and raspy which I think its weird for a woman. I definitely don't have the typical female light bubbly voice… lol.

      1. Everyone always tells me I have a "bedroom voice" like I'm trying to be seductive all the time, whatever that means. People probably think you have a chexy voice. *shrugs*

        lol don't listen to Slim

        1. Cosign.

          Men are wonderfully accepting and easy that way, they like it how they can get it, there's something sexy about it one way or another…

          I'd describe my voice the same way that you did and someone caught me off guard with this the other day, "As silly as it sounds, I have always thought your voice was really cute too. It’s really raspy and fainting sometimes."

          You never know what does it for them…which is why we gotta stop acting all brand new like the men are running out and we gotta fit some mold to be wifed, someone likes us just exactly the way we are. We gotta relax.

  27. I love to communicate with people. I also have written papers for class and blogs on the evolution of communication. During work hours, IM/Text/Chat are the best ways to keep a healthy dialogue while completing work tasks. I think the phone should still be utilized thought to hear someones voice and get a more personal aspect.

    Web Cams are the best of both worlds. You get to hear voices, see facial reactions, and get the closest sense to actually being next to a person. Who knew the Jetsons would be reality? lol.

    I don't like being on the phone mad long unless there's a purpose involved. Hate conference calls at work, for orgs, or anything. Best thing is that you just COMMUNICATE with all pitfalls/filters observed.

  28. this is a great post. slim, like you i'm definitely not a phone person. yes my phone is always within reach but with technological advances like bbm, text, gchat, kik (???), aim, msn messenger, carrier pigeon, skype, etc why sit on the phone and talk? i could tell what i need to tell you what i need to tell you while multi tasking other things.

    i do understand the need to have phone conversations when you are first getting to know a person but the days of having 3 hour phone conversations are done in my life. i have things to do. i'm a busy person. i don't have 3 hours to sit down and talk to you. a hour? cool. but if you have 3 hours to spend talking to me then i wonder how much free time you actually have.

  29. This blog is truly great. I hate talking on the phone, mostly because of technological advances making it unnecessary, but also because (unlike most people), I don't like to hear the sound of my own voice. I also feel like I shouldn't have to go out of my way to do something I don't like if you're not going to make it worth my while.

  30. I love talking on the phone… to my SO

    Also I think communicating primarily through text leads to a lot of arguments because you never know the tone in which something is said. If I didnt feel like talking I would still answer my SO and let them know I just needed to chill for a second.

    Now on the other hand I have a bff that calls all the time. You know the type… She calls and if I do not answer she will call me 3 more times within 15 minutes. I have let her know that calling over and over will not make me call her back any faster. But then again I know its not me… She just like to call people.

    1. "I think communicating primarily through text leads to a lot of arguments because you never know the tone in which something is said."

      Yes before emoticons this was a possibility. 🙂

  31. a few things: I understand talking all day on gchat there’s no need for a phone convo. and breathing on the phone while watching tv is hella annoying but uhm…only calling when you are on the way or arrived? no sir. lol

    maybe have phone convos on the weekends (I know I’m mostly only on gchat at work personally) and even those don’t have to be hours and hours on end. I guess I just appreciate real interaction and if you only text me you are getting put at the bottom of the list, easy.

    also I guess because I was raised I cringed reading “call to let you know I’m there” I HATE THAT. on the way yes, but upon arrival, get out of the car and ring my bell/knock on the door. the whole “im outside” doesn’t work for me.

    I agree with everything else though. I’ve grown to loathe talking on the phone–only to my girls and LSs I haven’t chatted with in awhile or we got serious issues to dish about (I get tired of typing back and forth after about the 4th msg) and the SO. oh and my mom. but I often hit ignore when she calls if I’m in a mood and not trying to talk. I wish she was text msg savvy. lol

  32. i guess i’m a dying breed, i’m a talker so i actually like talking on the phone, it’s the same reason why i like going to happy hour/networking events/etc… i have all kinds of insight to share and interesting questions to ask. i’ve lived in 5 cities in 5 years and probably know someone you know regardless of where you’re from, small town or big city.

    i’ll get on my high school sh*t and talk to said love interest/significant other til 3 in the morning until we get to “no you hang up first” n sh*t….

    the way to my heart is through stimulating conversation…and yes i still do voicemails, my voicemails are classic, my exes used to save them and my rapper friends put them on their mixtapes.

    …but since the rest of the world hates talking on the phone it looks like i’m gonna be single for a while. oh well.

    and yes i still do text, gchat, etc. too….i just like talking on the phone. i can accomplish more in a 2/3 minute convo then back & forth texting

    ironically i hate when ppl call me about something they could’ve texed like “i’m on my way” or “i’m outside”

    1. Well damn. Where were your kind 3 months ago?? Lol

      I know the feeling. I loved being on the phone. Absolutely loved it. I'm talkative. I'm sure with the right person, I can probably find some room in my heart for the telephone again. 🙂 @ the voicemails.

      Confession: I've forgotten I was leaving a vmail [when I was a bit younger] and started asking questions.. then I heard "to save message press 1. to re-record, press 2.."

      Embarrassing…. lol

    2. I totally agree. I did not think people who liked to actually talk on the phone still existed.Im a night person so talking late for hours is exciting to me if the person knows how to keep the conversation going. But my pet peeves are still stalled conversation with mad breathing(we should just hang up and talk when there is something to say) and texting all the time without any real conversation. There should be some balance.

  33. This. Blog. Right. Here.

    I am so with you Slim on not wanting to pick up the phone after a long day. My job entails heavy phone interaction so when my day is done and my BB start to ring I literally cringe and start rolling my eyes at it.

    I don’t even pick up when my parents call sometimes I just call them back later on especially when I know it’s nothing of importance besides the usual “hey sweetheart how was your day?”

    My friends/family know Imma Beast with the bbm and texting so they can only get me on the phone if it’s something urgent or important. They abide by that rule.

    As far as phone time in relationships, I understand that for some people it’s important to hear your SO voice at least once a day but that’s not me. I could easily get all warm and fuzzy on the inside over a text/bbm with some emoticons just the same if I was hearing his voice.

  34. Owww, look at that profession steez in the pic! Go on with your bad self Slim.

    Here’s my isha with the no calling…if men in general are going to accept gchat or texting as equal to calling (ie we shouldn’t see it as a slight when you don’t call) then you’re not allowed to trip when we get attached and you use the old “I thought we were just kickin it, it’s not like I was even calling you” o_O

    No…we just chatted literally all day whilst at work, texted all evening, shared every detail of every day. Pardon me if I thought that you were letting me into your life at some point during our nearly 16 hours of communication daily…

    I do feel like a phone call is a more intimate form of convo and I don’t call in general because having my call ignored makes my burrow way too deeply into the dark, twisted recesses of my mind to overthink the reasons you didn’t pick up.

    When you ask me out, I’d prefer it be via voice. While it’s not a dealbreaker, I’ll certainly question your authenticity.

    Great post Slim, #ISeeYou slippin in the height and weight, you’re not a pimp named slickback. 😉

  35. Basically, if you’re not in my caller ID yo ass goes straight to voicemail.

    And if I was fortunate enough to have an SO, I wouldn’t mind calls because that’d let me know she was thinking about me…and if we’re dating I’d hope she would be.

    BTW, “someone” up in here turned 38 today. Being at work on your b-day sucks, of course things could always be worse….

    1. "Basically, if you’re not in my caller ID yo ass goes straight to voicemail. "

      That's a bingo! Sometimes I don't answer when the person is on my contact list. If I don't want to talk I don't want to talk. I don't mind talking to my SO but other folks have to wait sometimes.

    2. Happy BornDay………

      Oh and cosign: if you’re not in my caller ID yo ass goes straight to voicemail. … … Don't get mad at me because I didn't press the green button when you called me from your sister's friend brother baby mama's eldest child's phone because your battery died or you ran out of minutes on your boost mobile. O__o

      1. Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!! :0P

        @Sane Tweet me and catch me up on Luther? Last episode I saw was the sniper/soldier one but I plan to watch the last few eps.

  36. The title shared my sentiments exactly. Everyone including my mother knows it (You would think she'd stop complaining by now).

  37. Is it important that you have phone conversations with a significant other daily even if you’ve chatted via other mediums throughout the day? What are your expectations of phone time during the courting phase? Other thoughts?

    I think it's good to endeavour to hear each other's voice at least once a day. It's all about being reasonable, though. I am not a phone person in the sense that I rarely pick it up to call someone, but a significant other would of course be the exception to that rule. That said, if we've been chatting all day and I'm going to see him at some point, I don't know that anything is required beyond a quick goodnight call once both parties are safely tucked in their respective beds (on sleepover-less nights) or for [insert any other necessary brief voice exchanges here].

    With regards to courting, I expect that we'd communicate every day, and again, that I hear his voice at least once in that time. I would expect some pretty decent phone time as we work towards seeing each other with more frequency, but all relationships start differently. If we're already kickin' it and IM'ing back and forth often, I won't make a fuss about logging in less than 10-15 mins of phone time for the day. I will never stay on the phone for the sake of it, and if conversation grows stale and either party is distracted, it's a waste of time. However, if there's plenty to be said, I'm all for it.

  38. I completely agree with you. I'm totally not a phone person. I'd rather text any day than answer the phone – the phone is just so irritating to me.

    I get screamed at by my family and friends when I don't call or pick up the phone when they call but its something about being on the phone that I'm not a fan of.

    It's not the same when I'm conversing with my fiance. Don't get me wrong, I still hate the phone but when we first started dating we were in a long distance relationship so all we had was the phone. He's since moved to NY and we still talk every night even though we may text during the day. I guess it's habit. My day is full with work so I don't really get to talk much with anyone outside of work – but still when my fiance calls, I will pick up.

    Anyone else – I ignore and hit them up on the text or BBM tip lol.

    1. This just made me think for a second. Knowing that someone ignored my call and getting a text from them asking what it was about annoys me (unless they were legitimately occupied). It doesn't happen often, but it's one of those things. It immediately extinguishes any kind of interest I had in discussing the reason behind the call, and I'd probably ignore the text itself unless it's something that had to be mentioned. Call it silly, but I think a call missed/ignored deserves one back unless circumstances do not permit it, or the caller in question is inconsequential.

      Don't get me wrong, I've found myself ignoring calls even from good friends, especially recently..but I will always call them back. I'll try to make it brief if I'm really not up for the chit-chat, but I feel as though they deserve that much at least. lol Of course, this is a rather convenient way for me to feel, considering the fact that there are few people I actually enjoy going back and forth with via text. These days that msn is out of the picture, the only people I speak with daily are co-workers and family members.

  39. Im not particularly a phone person myself(does that make me a weird female??)

    Preferred modes of communication:
    Face-to-face interaction>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>phone>texting>>>>online chatting

    Taking to someone face to face enhances the experience for me. Alot is revealed or learned by observing body language, listening to the intonation of a person's voice(hence why phone convo>texting for me)

    At times Im accused of not caring enough because I don't have 3-4 hour conversations every single day. It doesn't mean I like or care for you any less. Eventually, I'd be more inclined to have more phone convos as the relationship became more serious but if you don't call on a specific day I wouldn't be upset. ONLY if my significant other said they would call at a certain time and doesn't make contact or if I made initial contact and it takes up to a week to reply back, then I admit I would be offended.

  40. I can preach all I want until I turn blue in the face. Things still don’t change with certain guys I know. So no I’m not gonna pick up my phone if a guy I know calls me and let him get his way. I’m not gonna even feel like him getting his way intimately. They don’t know wjat they’re missing oit on by not picking up the damn phone and talking. I don’t feel the need to be obligated to cooperate with them.


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