Grr! You’re in the other room!

Imagine a 6’1 225 pound black man rolling around on the floor, yelling in agony, knocking things over, and looking as if his antics were heavily influenced by a black director that shall remain nameless. Imagine this same black man getting up off the floor only to fall back down and clutch his chest like Fred G. Sanford. Yeah, that’s me when my cell phone rings and I don’t want to answer the phone.

When I say my phone was in the other room or that I had it on silent, I’m telling the truth. After a long day of work, entertaining, and mulling over an assortment of daily life tasks, the last thing I usually wanna do when I get home is talk on the phone. The only exception to these ill feelings is when I’m in a long distance relationship or I have some really good news to share. Other than that, 7 times out of 10 I’m not picking up until I’m settled and have concluded that I’ve enjoyed enough me time. The 3 out of 10 times that I do answer is because I’m anticipating the call, have something specific to say or listen to, or I’m really just happy to hear from the person. If you’re one of the people in my real life that has an incredibly difficult time getting a hold of me, don’t take it personal. You aren’t the only one that called when I had my phone wrapped in 3 towels and tucked into a suitcase full of socks.

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My volatile relationship with my phone developed somewhere in the last 5-7 years. Don’t blame me. Blame G-chat. Honestly, there was a point where I didn’t mind sitting and yapping away for hours on end. I do it from time to time now because it’s what good friends and family members do, but if I can avoid it or move it to a medium that doesn’t require me to move my lips (pause?), I will. And as you can probably imagine, my resistance to talking on the phone has impacted my relationships or lack thereof. But before some of you throw tomatoes at me or start making your face all crunchy like stale salt and vinegar chips, let me make a few brief and random points:

Not answering my phone right away or being the first to call doesn’t mean I’m not interested.

Baby that doesn’t exist in my life right now, we have texted all day and I know just about everything you’ve done at work or in class because you logged into g-chat. I’ll call you to say I’m thinking of you or right before I go to sleep, but do we really need to sit here and have the same conversation we had earlier? Do we really have to sit in silence watching the same tv show? Don’t you know I still have a post to write? Am I not coming over after this show goes off so I can turn you into the little spoon or a human pretzel?

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I really don’t need to call if it can be handled via text.

Sometimes I get scatter-brained and I’ve been known to have A.D.D. It’ll be much more productive if we set this up electronically rather than you setting me up for failure. How bout we make plans, confirm them on BBM, and then I’ll call you when I’m on the way and there?

If I do call you or pick up right away because I know your feelings will be hurt otherwise, appreciate it.

Just as I like someone that can inspire me to be better, I like someone that can inspire me to press the green button, smile, and not feel as if I’m pacing around my apartment trying to figure out how to entertain you. Sometimes it really is about the little things…and I’m not talking about shrinkage.

So yeah, I don’t like the phone too much. How about you? Is it important that you have phone conversations with a significant other daily even if you’ve chatted via other mediums throughout the day? What are your expectations of phone time during the courting phase? Other thoughts? **Dodges a tomato and flips the bird**

I still wanna hold you girl, but just not to my ear,