Being Cruel to be Kind

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It’s probably not a good idea as a relationship blogger to admit this, but there are a few things I just don’t get about men. Why they lie about the dumbest things, why they seem to love crazy girls, and why they always come slithering out of their holes after they’ve left you. But if there’s one thing I do know about men it’s this: they don’t like to feel like as$holes.

Men will do all manner of dumb and hurtful shyt in order to avoid this feeling of as$hole-ness. Which of course just results in them being an even bigger a$shole, but they don’t get that because men don’t understand the basic concept of being cruel to be kind.  But being cruel to be kind is very simple.; it just means that sometimes you have to suck it up and do or say something a little mean for the ultimate benefit of someone else.



I can picture you all screwing up your faces at me right now so please allow me to illustrate some of the times where being an as$hole is the nice thing to do:

1. After a bad first date, first phone call or first thronx.

Sometimes we meet someone, we think we’re clicking and decide to take it a step further only to discover that this person is a no-go. It happens to the best of us and there’s nothing wrong with that. The problem is though that too many men are ending these first encounters with “I’ll call you” knowing good and damn well they will not. Now I know it makes you feel like a bad guy to end a first date with a simple “Thanks it was fun” or “Get home safely” but it really just makes things easier for all concerned. Saying “I’ll call you” when you know you have no intention of doing so just fills the woman with hope…the pathetic and desperate type of hope that is gonna make her call you when you don’t call her, or “just happen to be passing by” your favourite sports bar on Sunday. So just spare yourself the aggravation and save “I’ll call you” for circumstances in which you actually do intend to call.

See Also:  You Don't Need Jordans, Bro

2. When you don’t want to see her anymore.

I ranted about this on my blog a few times but it bears repeating because it’s a pretty common example of where some men go wrong. Many men seem to think that when they lose interest in a woman or want to break up with her, the kinder thing to do is to slowly drift out of her life without discussing it with her. Or to instantly vanish without discussing it with her. Or write her an email letting her know they’re done without discussing it with her. Notice a trend here? It seems there are a whole bunch of men roaming the earth thinking that it would be “mean” of them to tell a woman why she no longer interests him, so they just take off and leave her hanging. Yeah no. It doesn’t work that way my loves. What happens when you don’t explain things to a woman is that she wastes countless hours trying to figure out what went wrong. And if she can’t get past it she will likely take out her frustration on the next poor simp who tries to date her. So suck it up and do both the woman and your fellow man a favour – explain yourself before you bounce.

See Also:  How A Man Can Avoid The Friend-Zone

3. Post-break up

A wise man once told me that “a gentleman when he decides he doesn’t want to be with a woman breaks up with her and doesn’t call again”. This is a prime example of a circumstance in which a man’s “kindness” hurts a woman more than it helps her. I mean it’s not that I can’t understand the crappy feeling of knowing that someone you once or still care for is hurting because you left them, but continuing to call them “just to check on them”, entertaining their pathetic pleas for help (a woman who is trying to get a man back will always pull the “I need your help” #swindle) and throwing one in her for old time’s sake because she needs closure are all d!ck moves. They may make you feel better by soothing your guilt, but they confuse the woman and make it harder for her to get over you and move on with her life. Or maybe that’s why you do it?

I know that doing something you don’t want to do to benefit someone who is no longer granting you p*ssy privileges you no longer want to be involved with seems backwards to men, but it really is for the greater good. For one thing, telling a woman unequivocally that you don’t want to be with her will usually shame her into no longer contacting you; therefore freeing up your phone line and email inbox for your next victim woman. Plus women like to talk and having a reputation as a f*ck ’em and chuck ’em without a backward glance type of man is only going to make getting new p*ssy that much harder. So do that girl and yourself a favour and be a bit of an as$hole when the situation warrants it.

See Also:  How I Knew She Was the One

What do you guys think? Do you see the benefit of being cruel to be kind or am I talking sh!t here?

Comment(98)

  1. Good Morning Max,

    Being Cruel To Be Kind I Agree With… But I like to call it "Being Honest"…

    It is very relationship-specific… Alot of people cannot handle negative honesty… Alot of people can't dish negative honesty… (both need some more character development and some more INTEGRITY)…

    But still a wise man told me (and I agree) "The harder it is to tell the truth, the more the truth needs to be told"… Except when you CATCH A BODY or commit ADULTERY, DENY, DENY, DENY

    But what if telling the truth gets your car keyed & windows SMASHED… What if you got wrapped with a psycho & a lie gets you out of a JAM…

    Good Post

    1. "Being Cruel To Be Kind I Agree With… But I like to call it “Being Honest”…"

      That's all, just wanted to emphasize this lil gem…

    2. “The harder it is to tell the truth, the more the truth needs to be told”

      -Love this! This can never be repeated too much.

      "But what if telling the truth gets your car keyed & windows SMASHED"

      -All the points Max stated in the article can issue the same exact results. Some women can have a hard time letting go, and at one point it may turn to anger. Would you rather have your car keyed or have her waiting for you asking "why haven't you called me Adonis; doesn't 11 months mean anything to you?" that was a true story from an ex friend of mine. She made a public scene and ended up throwing a rock through his (new btw) car window. He later found out that she put crazy glue in all of the locks at his house.

  2. What do you guys think? Do you see the benefit of being cruel to be kind or am I talking sh!t here?

    ^^^This made sense to me cause several people came to mind, especially one who has said "and i end up looking like the dirtbag"…it's an ego/image thing that they are trying to preserve. i totally get it but unfortunately, the men after them have to suffer for it as you said.

    Great post Max!

  3. What's interesting is that men don't understand just because we don't know the 'real' truth, they are still hurting us by lyingwithholding the truth, sugar coating..or disappearing WAT(without a trace). Sure we'll get the picture something happen, but all that does is leaves us confused and possibly insecure and scared to be in the next relationship…

    And then you wonder why this woman can't trust you to leave the house,run to the store and get eggs and come back in about 30 minutes lol.. without questioning where you going, wondering where you are, why haven't you called, and she just talked to you 5 minutes before cause you were just at your house…lol.
    No relationship is ever easy to end, but sometimes not knowing what happened is worst than knowing the truth, and can have a more adverse affect.

  4. I agree. Don't spare my feelings, spare my time.

    I don't think it's cruel; I think it's honest. Being "real" isn't mean/nice. It's being honest with your actions and feelings.

    Good post :-).

  5. I can tell this is gonna be a "F* Men" kinda day … but such is life.

    I think you have some truly valid points Max, in particular with the guys disappearing instead of breaking up. If there is an official title and things have been going on for a long time, you should get at least a "It's not you … it's me".

    But outside of that … I don't get it. I still don't understand how people can take "I'm going to call you" literally. And you actually have some women who straight up ask "are you going to call me". I'm not gonna tell the truth at that point and open up the can of worms. And after the break-up, it's on you to not answer my calls. As any human being, I would prefer ex-s*x than no-s*x. Just as many exes will call for "support" or "help" … we call for "s*xual support" and "help with deez"

    1. I take "I'm going to call you" literally because it's a very literal and concrete statement! There are a million other ways to say goodbye, like "Have a nice evening" that leave more grey area.

      Really, it's like a guy at the end of a date saying, "I'll pick you up at your house at 8:30 next Thursday," then not showing up, and then saying, "Well, I just didn't know how to say goodbye, so I had to say something at the end of the date…you shouldn't have taken it literally." What's the point of being so specific and literal if you don't want to be taken literally??

  6. Noble idea Max…and I wish they would take heed but they won't. Men are very non-confrontational creatures. They hate to see women cry and sad. They would rather chuck the deuces and leave us billowing in the wind..its a purely selfish way of behaving but its what they do…..women have to just learn not expect any closure and just move on.

    Good post! 🙂

    1. “Men are very non-confrontational creatures. They hate to see women cry and sad”

      Queene knows us well.
      Max acts like women don’t cry…they cry all the time. And its an ugly cry too. I can’t deal with that

      1. CheekZ,

        In the past, men have used such 'gems' as the Post-it note and the Break up Text Message (which can now be upgraded to the breakup BBM message). You can avoid the angry crying and in-your-face confrontation this way. If you're really worried about that.

  7. Do you really have to break up with someone you only had two dates with?

    Look I have a rule. If I call and leave a message twice and you don't return my call…..then it's obvious you don't want to speak with me or continue our relationship. I'm not sitting around thinking you lost your cell phone or you've been really busy. Voicemail is a pretty reliable technology. It even works when you lose your phone. LOL

    So if your calls aren't being answered….that is the break up. Not all communication is verbal.

    And do I really need to know the reason why. Not really. I mean I can understand sometimes if you really liked the person. But in the end, does it really matter. They don't want you is the bottom line.

    1. iDdM: "Look I have a rule. If I call and leave a message twice and you don’t return my call…..then it’s obvious you don’t want to speak with me or continue our relationship. I’m not sitting around thinking you lost your cell phone or you’ve been really busy."

      This is a good rule of thumb, but twice? You're a more generous man than I am. I'm not even particularly keen on leaving a voice mail.

      You see that little flashing light on your phone? That means someone called. If you check your missed calls, there will be a number listed, or possibly a name if the person is programmed in the phone. I'm not calling twice.

      1. True. But my attitude is, if you don't leave a message it wasn't important. I don't just call people back cause I see their name on my caller ID. Actually I get annoyed when people don't leave messages.

        1. But my attitude is, if you don’t leave a message it wasn’t important.

          That's how I feel about it too. I communicate 95% of the time by bbm/text/emails anyway soooo……. *shrug*

        2. I guess I have a different attitude. If I call you, obviously I want something. You don't necessarily need a preview of what I want.

          If we've just met and are "seeing" each other, and I call and you don't respond, I assume you're not interested. No hard feelings, there's a lot of pu$$y out there. I'll endeavor to move on.

        3. Which is why we gotta use our words my lovelies. What you may see as "uninterested" may just be, my phone was on silent/I'm a busy chick/Teef Harvey told me to play coy.

          When we communicate openly and honestly without the games, we all win.

    2. Do you really have to break up with someone you only had two dates with?

      No, because you're not in a relationship. However, it wouldn't hurt to simply let them know that it's not going to work out.

      Look I have a rule. If I call and leave a message twice and you don’t return my call…..then it’s obvious you don’t want to speak with me or continue our relationship.

      lol, you're good. A single call and message is as far as I go. That goes for anyone with whom I have dealings over the phone. That's excluding situations where there's an impending rendez-vous or some information needs to be exchanged asap, though.

      So if your calls aren’t being answered….that is the break up. Not all communication is verbal.And do I really need to know the reason why. Not really. I mean I can understand sometimes if you really liked the person. But in the end, does it really matter. They don’t want you is the bottom line.

      See, this is can be considered valid reasoning for someone with whom one has been on a couple of dates, but not so much for someone with whom one has been involved for a couple of months. In both cases, that IS the bottom line, but latter deserves more courtesy than the former.

  8. Sigh @ #2. From conversations & even things I've read on this blog, they just don't seem to get it. A lot of men seem to have a completely erroneous sense of the effect of their Houdini tricks. Either that, or closure is outright deemed unnecessary. If you've reached a point where it would be considered a break-up, then let the poor girl/woman know what the deal is.

    I'll be fair and honest: sometimes it IS understandable that one wouldn't want to fully explain why one is leaving ("because you're an asshole..your breath/bum/vajay-jay stinks and I can't put up with that ish anymore..etc.). Heck, I have a hard time letting some dudes know why I would never consider giving them the time of day. My concern is mainly with those who deny the woman the courtesy of, at the very least, letting her know it's over. It's not cool to let people figure these things out for themselves. I can go as far as understanding the lack of a detailed explanation, but I will never condone wordless disappearing acts. Yeah, you may want to avoid all the inevitable questions altogether, but it is the least you owe that person you were supposedly in a relationship with.

  9. I have to cosign this post, in general. If you're cutting it off, cut it off. And tell her in person, or at the very least, via telephone.* Not through e-mail, text, BBM, etc. Man up and just say it's over. You at least owe her that much. You don't owe her an explanation (unless you've been dating for over a year), but you owe her that much.

    *Going back to Streetz's post, my biggest grammar snafu is starting sentences with conjunctions.

      1. Anike, You are wrong for mentioning her name! That woman is Satan's toejam!

        Streetz, I have to have some flaws, so I'mma continue to conjunct! And use the word "I'mma"! And use five exclamation points in one comment!

        1. I don't know. I figured you would be one of those "she should take her cues from his behaviour/why does he have to explain anything to her" types.

  10. So what if I do all those things to guys?? I'm so guilty. I tell them I'll call and don't. If I lose interest, I just stop answering calls or texts… tho it takes them a while to catch the hint. The 3rd one, eh maybe not so much. But yea. Hmm…

    1. Thanks for admitting this. Whole time I'm reading this post I'm thinking "Why is this about guys? Women do the same thing all the time."

      1. yeaa…. my friend and i always swear we're gonna just straight up tell guys what's up and quit hopin they just get a clue. but we're waitin for each other to start first lol. then we sit and talk about how dude keeps poppin back up and once again swear to cut them off correctly…. yea… workin on that…

      2. *Raiseshand*

        I have done it Once or Twice but it's not something I purposely set out to do from the giddy up it's just that sometimes it's easier to take the "No Answer is Your Answer" approach especially if the person is a nice person in general BUT they are just not for you.

        1. Yea it's not purposely, it's just I don't like hurting feelings… or i don't kno how to do it in a nice way.

    2. I'm guilty of this too, and I SO hate when a guy does it to me! I need to stop though, cuz Karma is a byatch! but still, it seems so much easier this way….

  11. I think the problem really stems from women thinking they are farther along in a relationship than they are.

    So in the women's mind she is at the point where she is owed a formal break up……..and in the guys mind he is thinking…[email protected] I hit once and we talked a few times….das not a relationship; The invisible man routine is acceptable.

    In the words of Big G AKA Slim Charles…[email protected] em, Duck em, Leave em Alone. (Actually a popular song in DC a while back)

    1. I think the problem really stems from women thinking they are farther along in a relationship than they are

      Because [a lot of] women don't ask questions and are happier assuming. Which leads to hurt feelings… then resentment… then yeah. You know. Smh

  12. Max, you know you're just talking feces.

    I guess I understand what you're saying. That Houdini trick blows me hard….

    Every. Single. Time.

    >_<

    Contrary to what SBM believes, it's not a Eff Men kinda day. Lol so I won't even start.

  13. Men generally don't want to see someone hurt, especially by their hand.

    This is a double edged sword though. If you do it like mentioned here you get called an ass. If you be upfront you get the "crazy bitch experience" enough of the time.

  14. Ladies……I think you all need to look at the bigger picture. It's not that we are playing games or being non-confrontational. It's just that most men know a basic truth; WOMEN DO NOT HANDLE REJECTION WELL.

    While I have never ended a relationship without giving a reason, I understand why some men would do so. Its really not worth the headache of dealing with a overly-emotional woman you dont want anymore. I have run the gamut in these interactions from being called at 4:30 a.m just to talk, to being stalked. When I was in 7th grade a girl wanted to fight me because I didn't like her. It's not us, it's you!

      1. Considering the fact that EVERY male has been rejected at least once in their life, with the average closer to infinity…..

        Yup.. its just a fact of life for men… hence why we talk to so many woman, though there are some weak arse dudes who egos can not handle the truth..

      2. a black man's life is nothing but a series of doors being shut in our face.

        We act poorly in an effort to fight thru the door, but that is b/c we are use to it.

      3. Just because you guys are used to it, doesn't mean you take it well. Ask any woman who has been called a b*tch for declining an advance from a man.

        1. The number of guys who actually do this are so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, it shouldn't be mentioned. The act itself is just so horrendous that ONE time will stick in a woman's head forever.

        2. @DeKaLa Do you tend to regularly have to turn down a man? If not, it is quite hard for you to summize how often the rejection is taken in a childish manner and results in insults. It does happen quite frequently.

          Also, what you say about the event being so horrendous can also be applied to those situations where the woman flips the f*ck out over rejection.

  15. Cease and desist all this "man" talking… Women do this more than men because they "care about our feelings".

    1. Women never directly tell men they are not interested, they will say i'm not looking to date right now, i'm really focused on my career; they'll take your number and never call. What they won't say is, "No dude, I don't find you attractive, please do not call me, I have someone else."

    1b. When a woman says, i'll take your number and i'll call you, it's a straight up lie. Anytime a woman says this to me, I immediately take back the drink I just bought her. Not because i'm mad she won't call, but i'm mad she is insulting my intelligence. My education and social interactions have cost me too much money for you to be bullsh*tting.

    2. I already touched on sympathy beats on The Book of Jackson. Women break men off and really only do it to be nice to him. They don't like him or the sex.

    2b. Women fake orgasms. They validate this noodle a*s dude they are dating and mess with his self esteem.

    3. Women are the most "leave-a-detail out" creatures on Earth. They will be like, yea me and Tony go waaaay back. Then they got you dapping the guy, next thing you know, you find out they used to f*ck or they f*cked ONCE. When approached they will say, "I didn't want you to feel weird." I'm sorry if you f*cked a dude and introduce me to him, I'M SUPPOSED TO FEEL WEIRD.

    4. Women dis-the-f*ck-appear! I've had too many encounters with women and i've gotten the sneaking suspicion she's talking to someone else. That's cool, i'm talking to her friend on the low. But then one day, she just disappears… She's either in a relationship or she's turned her life back over to God for the sixth time. Instead of just being up front and saying, I think we should just be friends. They end up on a milk carton. Or in Miami with Dexter. (Yo.. who's been watching Dexter?)

    @ Sim Bin Mahdu – Don't say I never did nothing for you. I wear this kevlar everyday let me know if you need me to take a bullet.

    1. Women give/take numbers that they have no intention of answering/calling because it is simply easier that way. I find that any answer (boyfriend, too busy to date, not interested, etc) just is either ignored or gets you cussed out. The fact is that women get hit on/asked for the number several times a day, and wasting time trying to tell someone that not interested means just that is too much time added up.

      As for disappearing, I've been guilty. I've only done it when I've expressed my desire to end things and why, and then the guys somehow talk me into thinking I'm the problem or that the behavior will change (I'm crazy empathetic so I will be easily talked into staying). If I've addressed it multiple times and every time I hear the same thing, I'm just gonna move on. You should already know why at that point.

      Yep, I've been watching Dexter. As much as I can't stand Julia Stiles, she hasn't been annoying me that much… yet.

        1. This season of Dexter has been better than last.

          Last season only had that really good cliff hanger… this one has alot of different angles and I swear Dexter was going to get caught out there that one episode at the docks.

          That show still has nothing on the SOA.

      1. "Women give/take numbers that they have no intention of answering/calling because it is simply easier that way. I find that any answer (boyfriend, too busy to date, not interested, etc) just is either ignored or gets you cussed out. The fact is that women get hit on/asked for the number several times a day, and wasting time trying to tell someone that not interested means just that is too much time added up."

        We understand each other. ****E-hug****

      2. Sane: "Women give/take numbers that they have no intention of answering/calling because it is simply easier that way. I find that any answer (boyfriend, too busy to date, not interested, etc) just is either ignored or gets you cussed out. The fact is that women get hit on/asked for the number several times a day, and wasting time trying to tell someone that not interested means just that is too much time added up."

        In other words, women aren’t direct, and are kind rather than cruel, just like men. As LiteBriteGuy said, “WOMEN DO NOT HANDLE REJECTION WELL”. Men do it "because it is simply easier that way". Our justification is as valid as yours.

        Not that I do it, but I understand why guys do.

        1. No, it is because men do not take no for an answer. At some point, it is time to give up trying to give them an answer that they won't accept and have 50 million retorts to. It's not the same. At all.

        2. So do we call women b!tches or do we have 50 million retorts?

          The woman is still being kind instead of cruel, regardless of the justification. The answer to every retort is, "I'm sorry, but I'm really not interested" until he relents or calls you a b!tch.

        3. I was pointing out the ones who call men b*tches (and other insults) to point out that men don't take rejection any better than women. No, obviously not all of them get down like that, but there is a larger than necessary number who do. Like I said, it's either getting you cussed out OR ignored. I'm not going to sit here and keep telling you I'm not interested as you follow me into the store and up and down every aisle with some ridiculous answer (or question) to my explanation (or even lack thereof). Picture it… Washington State 2010

          Me: "I've got a boyfriend" (yes, blatant lie)

          Him (as he's following me from my car): "Well, can't we just be friends"

          Me: "I have enough friends, thank you though."

          Him (as I'm in aisle #9): "Well, can you at least take my number for when you want a friend."

          Me: "I'll probably never call, and I don't disrespect my boyfriend by taking numbers"

          Him: (as I'm heading to get tampons just to freak him out and make him go away)Well then, let me get yours.

          Me (considering heading to grab yeast infection treatment to really end this): "That's the same concept. I'm flattered but no thank you."

          Him: "You sure you don't want to take my number for if things don't work out?"

          Me (finally closing my car door to end this): Thanks, but no.

          All of this while texting and sending a dozen other signals that I'm not interested to just highlight what my words are saying. If I'm lucky it won't turn in him saying "Wasn't nobody that worried about your sadity ass anyways, b*tch". The worst part is that the boyfriend lie makes the whole situation 10X easier. So, I do it to make it easier on me. If a byproduct is that I'm being "nice" to the guy, then so be it.

        4. OK, that was just an encounter with a loser. But still, when did cruelty come into play?* It's hard to be cruel because most people are genuinely nice people (and you appear to be a very nice girl, Ms. Welcoming Committee), but at some point while reading, I was waiting to see, "get the %$#& away from me!" before you made it to your car. You may not have been very receptive to him, and the hints should have been obvious to him, but there was no cruelty.

          *Starting another sentence with a conjunction!

        5. "OK, that was just an encounter with a loser."

          I have eerily similar encounters at least two or three times a month. Don't let the Navy boat be just getting in either, this number will double.

          Oh, what I took Max to mean by be cruel to be kind, is more be honest, firm and direct (which I was (except for that whole boyfriend thing)). I didn't take it to mean that I need to cuss a ninja out. I'm not capable of causing a scene like that and I don't trust these fools to not shank me where I stand.

        6. Laughing Hard @SaneN85's Washington State Scenario:

          You should have reached for the yeast infection medication and then picked up a Clear Blue Easy and an EPT pregnancy test while you were at it. LMAOooooooo

          That ninja was persistent!!!!

    2. 2. I already touched on sympathy beats on The Book of Jackson. Women break men off and really only do it to be nice to him. They don’t like him or the sex.

      O__O

      I'm sorry Dr. J you need more people on this one. I can't see women adding mileage on the kittybox just because she felt sorry for a ninja especially if she isn't feeling him like that.

    3. (1. Women never directly tell men they are not interested, they will say i’m not looking to date right now)

      I call BS on this one, because usually a woman will tell you that she's not interested and some men just don't listen, by the time they say they are not looking to date, it's because they've already exhausted the straight out I'm not interested approach!

      (1b. When a woman says, i’ll take your number and i’ll call you, it’s a straight up lie.)

      See answer number 1 LOL, as SaneN85 has given you in her explaination, some men do not take no for an answer.

      (2. I already touched on sympathy beats on The Book of Jackson. Women break men off and really only do it to be nice to him. They don’t like him or the sex.)

      #wheretheydothatat?

      (2b. Women fake orgasms. They validate this noodle a*s dude they are dating and mess with his self esteem.)

      I ain't gonna lie, I have faked one or two, (sorry) but I stand behind the fact that his self esteem was already messed up before he met me, because asking me every 5 seconds, if i [email protected], just makes me want to get it over even faster!!

      (3. Women are the most “leave-a-detail out” creatures on Earth)

      What can I say it's wrong but it happens.

      (4. Women dis-the-f*ck-appear!)

      I'm not going to lie and say I haven't done it, but to my defense, I try to be upfront and that still doesn't work.

  16. Dead @ Sin Bin Mahu

    All Praises due to Blog-Ah!

    yo, I will tell a woman I prefer texting, and I im not interested you wont hear from me simple. if you ask me ill keep it real. Rather be a dick in apperance than fact.

    PS – I used than right, right? Then = time right? I know I left one as an Easter egg on my last post, but I be gettin caught n sh*

  17. You know what Max, the only issue I had with this post is that it should've been done much sooner. This is a great post.

    I've learned the hard way that it's best not to sugar coat things. I had to learn to be as a*shole on purpose to keep from being a bigger a*shole by accident.

  18. i'll be the first to admit that i don't like feeling like an a$$hole. it just doesn't feel good. with that said i agree with dr. j. women are guilty of a lot of what you wrote. *shrug*

    1. lol I guess it's easier to be considered an asshole while you are blissfully unaware of it because truly, I say to you, most a lot of women consider guys assholes for the disappearing acts.

  19. Max has spoke. So it is said. So it shall be. in my dreams

    *sigh* Why are speaking so murch truth Max? Why is this exactly what men need to hear and internalize and execute to make all of our lives easier and happier? Why don't they hear you though? Same reason woman can't stop getting emotionally involved with men that only want us for sex I guess

    You are so right that men don't want to be the @sshole. I mean they may act tough, but when it comes down to it, coming off as an @sshole seems to be a great fear. If only they realized that a short burst of hurtful honesty would make them "the one that got away" as opposed to the fade to bald that they do to avoid being the @sshole that in turn, MAKES them the @sshole.

    Superb post. Now to read the comments so that this hopeful, happy feeling can shatter into the sharp shards of reality.

  20. This post is absolutely, unequivocally true. So much so that I want to repost and share extensively. I know a few of the scenarios shared here up front & in person.
    It's hard on the ladies and it definitely can hurt, but I'd rather the man stick to his logical guns, and keep distance, as opposed to giving in to my emo tendencies when they come about. It just makes things better in the long run… #truth

    1. "So much so that I want to repost and share extensively."

      Well go ahead then. Nothing wrong with that. Just make sure you include a link to my blog – these guys already have more than enough traffic 🙂

  21. Next time you cry Max, and all the women here, videotape yourself. Now watch that back and envision having to put up with that for a week….

    that is what men go thru when they cut a chick off. Do you know how hugh and squeaky your voices become? I really don't think you guys are strong enough to put up with it. Eff being PC, you are too emotional. Period.

    1. Personally I cry way uglier and harder when someone inexplicably disappears or starts acting like an as$hole than I do when a man just tells me straight up he won't be back.

      But it seems men care less about whether what they're doing is actually hurting a woman and more about whether they actually have to witness the effects.

      1. Damn right I don't want to deal with it…

        the way I look at it you are going to be miserable without me either way. Might as well break up in a way that will leave you feeling blue and not me. Instead of a way that messes with both of us.

    2. By the time a woman has valid reason for waterworks, a relationship is beyond the point where just up and leaving without a word is justifiable. Not to mention the fact that it pains her 10 times more when the individual in question seems to feel that it was not even worth his while to give her the benefit of a "peace out". Personally, I'd find that disrespectful.

      1. "Not to mention the fact that it pains her 10 times more when the individual in question seems to feel that it was not even worth his while to give her the benefit of a 'peace out'"

        Exactly.

        What I also find surprsingly (although I really shouldn't) is that some of the worst offenders of this are the men who tout themselves as being so "straight up" and "honest" and promise to "never bullsh*t" you. Then all of a sudden they get the idea that tears are coming and they turn into cowardly fools.

    3. A week? You saw Canon 3 on Max’s list right?

      OMG! I just realized that you numbered this list correctly!!!! LET me find out one of the SBM’s edited that…

      Back to the point, you should only have to see her cry once, during said breakup. We’ll still cry for a week, but this is no longer your problem since you handled your business like a man. Post breakup, she should cease to exist in your life and vice versa until the feelings are gone and a friendship is possible or you realize that being apart is fine and dandy. Until then, she should be persona non grata. This is muy importante!

  22. For whatever reason, the bigger of a d!ck I am the more women I have floating around. When I try to act like a civilized human being with a mother I get flaky chicks and women who try to treat me like I'm a bitch!

  23. *takes note*

    i'm pretty sure it's something i have done…maybe 1x…maybe 2x…no more than that…and i admit…i hate to be the asshole, i hate to make a chick cry/feel bad…but perhaps it's best to take the L so the next dude don't get penalized (cuz i'm sure he will)

    and this has happened to me, with the girl not calling, i just figured she wasn't interested and kept it moving *shrug*

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