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Is he expecting s*x?

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"I'm saying ... there is no one here. It's been 3 months. Go head and pull it out."

Jerome: “Yeah … so why don’t you come on over here under these covers.”
Flotasia: “For what?”
Rome: “You know … so we can get to know each other a little better?”
Flo: “What do you mean?  We’ve been talking every day for the last 3 months. I know everything about you.”
Rome: “It’s different though when you’re with the person.”
Flo: “I guess …”
Rome: **fed up as the pain caused by his blue balls becomes unbearable** “Look … are we gonna f*ck? I done flew halfway cross the country to finally see you!”
Flo: “Oh my goodness, do you expect for me to sleep with you? This is the first time we have spent real time with each other. I just want to cuddle and kiss.”
Rome: “THE F***!  I’m glad I got gold status, otherwise the airlines would get me for showing up at the airport now and buying a ticket. DEUCES!”

To the guys …

Has this ever happened to you?  Have you ever been long distance courting a little pretty thing you might have met once or never?  Did you put in the work to get to know her, convince her you were a good guy, and make her feel special?  Did you buy a ticket to go see her, or make her buy one to see you (since WE DO NOT buy women tickets to visit us round hurr) expecting to finally get in the duggy warm brown of the girl that captured your attention from afar?

See Also:  To Give it Up ... or not to Give it up

A conversation on twitter last night reminded me of this little scenario.  For various reasons, this has happened to me about 3 times in my life.  When living in DC, I was never a huge fan of DC women (long story), so I often imported them.  ATL, Florida, and other mainly southern locals is where I shipped them from.  At some point it was time to take the phone and emails to the next level and book a plane ticket.  But here is the kicker …

Some women (a small percentage) actually didn’t expect me to want some p**** (and a lil head too).

Shocking … right?

Well, I am here to tell any woman who is planning a long distance trip to meet her prince charming from afar: He wants to sleep with you!

I’m not saying that is all he wants.  He probably likes you and probably sees a future if he is willing to deal with the distance, but lets not fool ourselves.  He’s been putting in work … and now he wants to work that ____.  It’s pretty simple: guys like s*x with girls they like, even moreso with girls they hate (nothing like a revenge nut).  He likes you and wants to sleep with you.

That’s it …

See Also:  Quick Glance at ABC’s New Show, Scandal with Kerry Washington

Ok, I will admit, there are some very specific and unique cases where he is not expecting the dug out:

You really are just friends and you are looking into it wrong

This is a rarity, because most guys never just want to be your friend.  We got plenty of friends already.

He’s Gay

If you misread this one, then you need more help and guidance than I can give right now.

You have made it clear you are “not that type of girl”

And this is a hard one.  Because every guy knows that 50% of “good girls” who claim they have standards that prevent them from doing things like this … are gotd*man liars.  Fact is, a lot of women like to think of themselves as gooder than they are.  A solid 50% of the good ones are really making guys wait, saving it for the right one, and have single digit numbers (that last one is KEY) and really wouldn’t sleep with someone on first or second meeting, no matter how much communication.  But … unless he is convinced of this … he wants some.

See … they are rare and far in between.

So … to all those women who are planning a trip, planning to have a visitor, or didn’t even know this isht went down … consider yourself educated.  You better let expectations be known early, quick and repeatedly … otherwise you run the risk of losing your prince charming because blue balls and crossed signals will bring the beast out and end whatever nice little thing you had going.

See Also:  An Open Letter to Those Who Say, "Stay peaceful."

SBM aka “I am not buying you a plane ticket” aka “What you mean what is that astroglide for?”


Comment(142)

  1. This is funny and scary and ironic. I have a male friend who lives in Philly thinking about coming to NYC for New Years Eve, lol!

    And we've been bbm'ing/talking/since August, lol!

    Giving me something to think about and time to cancel if need be.

    Smooches,

    L to the J

    1. Yup. He's looking to settle in your lady caves for a bit. And like SBM said, he just might like you too. Nothing wrong with a little embrace of the fleshfolds

    2. See, this is what I was afraid of with writing this. Don't cancel anything. Just make sure he is on the same page. Don't have him come up expecting some and not give it up, because that deathly. But you don't want him to think you don't want to see him.

      Just say something …

      1. UPDATE: And I must say prior to reading this, it truly hadn't crossed my mind.

        We spoke in great detail today. And considering (in his words) "we did all that cuddle mess in Miami and when you come here, LOL"

        (background, we met the 1st day of a 4 day mini-vacay on South Beach, and we spent each day together. Chilled and spent the night with each other with NO physicals, AND I have been to his place in Philly ALL with no hanky panky)

        So I asked him the pertinent questions, and yes alot of what you all have said is true. He likes me a great deal. That's why he wants to spend New Years together.

        So thanks for this post, because NYE 2011 could have been something totally different.

        And brother is fione, so 2011 will come in with a bang, lol!

        Thanks SMB, Z, and Smart Fox Girl

        Smooches,

        L to the J

        1. You spend all these hours grinding, putting all your sh*t out there for public consumption … but when you hear the story of how you affected one wayward woman … that's when you know it's all worthwhile.

          Thank you for giving me that moment.

    3. If you both have feelings for each other and you want to have s.ex with this man, don't stop yourself. Clearly he's interested in you on some level. As long as you won't regret it in the a.m., go for it.

  2. I would think this is obvious. I be damned if I traveled to see dude and he didnt lay the pipe and ate the goodie box.

    WTF you think this is? better drop on your knees buddy!

  3. As a man that support imports, I died at this post. Blue ballery can quickly end any type of "nice" situation. I'll be damned if I sail the 7 seas only to return home with a full carton of man milk. F*ck that.

    1. lol…I know y'all be thinking about your blue balls syndrome first…cos it's your pain…but men underestimate what sweet kisses and cuddling mean to women…besides sailing the seven seas doesn’t mean we’re gonna automatically hail you as the conquering hero…sod’s law says sometimes you’re gonna strike out o_O

  4. there aint no way i'm flying halfway the country to see a girl only for her not to give me p***y… she gonna have to gimme grey matter at least…c'mon, i cant go back to the airport with my nutsack still filled up, walking like i got extra luggage down there..dang

    1. Take a cold shower or talk to the four sisters on thumb streets. Blue Balls, is that real or something made up to make us feel sorry for guys?

      1. Beef Bacon: "Blue Balls, is that real or something made up to make us feel sorry for guys?"

        Blue balls is as real as PMS.

      2. Women are always trying to hate on blue balls, but it is a medical condition.

        A professor in college explained it is cause when the blood from an erection has to go back into the body. Depending on the level of arousal of the man it can be quite painful.

        SO HA!!!

        1. Funny … a professor in my undergrad human sexuality class said something similar happens to women but worse because our anatomy has more nerve endings & it's actually more painful, relatively. But us women don't b*tch about it when we're turned on and don't get off (well, maybe not for the most part lol).

  5. Glad I read this. My friend is coming to visit me from back home (NYC) in Jan. I really hope he isn't expecting to sleep anywhere but the guest room. I think I made it clear… or at least I hope so.

    1. If you aren't sure then you need to make it clear to him unless ya'll have been friends for forever then he may not be expecting it but if its a get to know you type of relationship…he wants some womb.

    2. i agree that u should clearly state ‘what the deal is’ before the man gets on that plane…y'all should have already talked about where is he staying/sleeping.

      if he's staying at yours it aint exactly hard to slip the words 'guest room' into the conversation… so yeah…do that 🙂

  6. if i travel across the country am I expecting pu##y?

    Son, if I travel across the club to talk to you, I am expecting some.

    What else would I be doing all this for? To see the sights in your shi++y town? To get to know you better?

    Seriously there should be a monetary penalty for women who waste your entire weekend on some BS. Negroes need to be reimbursed for travel expenses and days off taken from work.

      1. I was laughing heartily at Cheekz hilarity when my face dropped into serious mode…

        Rich, sir, I'ma need you to remove that clean ass face from the internet if I'm expected to get any work done the rest of this week…

        *drooling and some other ish that is entirely inappropriate*

        1. My first comment & i get called out for my striking good looks! *sigh* Back to lurking i go! Haha j/k…I'll change it to a picture of The Elephant Man if that'll help, Star 😉

        2. Oh you helped alright…not to get work done, but you helped! 😉 Don't you dare go into hiding OR change your pic. Welcome to SBM…don't worry, we're not all as uncouth as I am…

    1. "Seriously there should be a monetary penalty for women who waste your entire weekend on some BS. Negroes need to be reimbursed for travel expenses and days off taken from work."

      You, Sir are a Fool.. *lol*

  7. [email protected] of this!

    Most women don't want to appear to be tramps that give it up to every Tom, Dick & Harry so even if someone is travelling cross country (unless we've been there before) we (typically) want to hold onto every sense of propriety that we have … with that said … …

    There's no way that it'd be a guessing game if I went to visit a guy (if I'm visiting 9x out of 10 it's for more than to experience that winning personality live and most likely about doing everything nude)

    & if a guy is coming to see me I expect him to want to be intimate – even when he says he 'just wants to visit' NO ONE wants to just visit Central Cali – so I KNOW that's a LIE!

  8. Lol…my mama told me #PatienceIsAVirture…so u’ll get it when I give it…it shouldn’t feel forced…long distance relationships are traumatic enough already.

    Ladies if he's buying u a plane ticket (cos chivalry aint dead despite how much sbm wants to kill it :P) to come across and see him…and u haven’t specifically ruled it out…just know that most men take that to be more or less a given that you're gonna consent to sex when the time comes (after the cuddling)

    Simply put the sex is kind of a natural progression to what u’ve had going on already…from the 50 cute daily mssg exchanges from across the way… to the sweet kisses he’s now placing on your neck as you assume the spoon position… besides bbm is free and the plane ticket is more than likely not!!!… he's gonna be shocked if you mention it only after u get there, start cuddling/ kissing and his hand reaches under your top but you push it away that 'u're not that kind of girl'.

    To the grown woman still playing these games, I say u’re a tease for that #StopIt

    If he’s coming over or you’re going over but you dont want to sleep with him just yet (and you aint just playing that foolish fugly n*[email protected] for his money) then speak up loud and clear before he buys that ticket (for him or you) or forever hold your peace.

    To the guys that think they can coerce you into changing your mind when u finally get to see each other, despite what you've said, I say #NahSon #ForgetYou Seriously we know u all think u’ve got great game but sometimes we do just see some of u as 'just friends'. There is no ‘kicking it’

    1. I agree. I'm all about communication and way too upfront for him to have to guess what's on my mind. S.ex really is the end result of a mental connection because to me s.ex IS better with someone I'm feeling mentally. I never saw the appeal in s.ex with a stranger. Knowing that he cares for me is what makes me want to go there so I don't know why a woman would purposely hold out if they are clearly feeling each other and both want it. If a woman can see that her expectations aren't realistic or matching the man's, she needs to start talking and communicate her wants/needs.

  9. seriously though how much of the communique lies with the man? I mean as a man I know what I want and trust and believe about the 7th conversation in I'm comin out the box (puns intended) with something sensual to guage a woman's sexuality…..so if it has progressed to the point of travel plans WE both know what time it is

  10. Why is this even a need for discussion?

    You think I'm taking the rare vacation days I have, book a plane ticket to come see you in whatever god-forsaken city you may dwell and NOT expect to beat the guts blue-black? I planned my visit around your cycle for a reason!!!

    Plane tickets != FREE.. If you are worth me traveling to see you, I am worth 2-3hrs in bed wrestling..

    Thank God this hasn't happen to me…

    1. "I planned my visit around your cycle for a reason!!!"

      LMAO, HILARIOUS!

      ok, you got me… I give… lol

      Firstly, at what point might we have had this conversation???

      ok, so, assuming we had the conversation at some point about my Aunt Flo, cause that's just regular topic for someone I met out somewhere in my hometown, had a couple of conversations with over the phone, and maybe a few dates, let alone someone that lives states away, lol, how does that give you dominion over my sugar walls?

      With that said, I mean, Aunt Flo typically tabu, I don’t think I would have mentioned her, unless I knew or had the expectation or intention that something would go down, only if I wanted it . So if you knew about it, you def need not worry… I would be in the friendly skies, thinking about speading thighs…

  11. Ahhh! As, the one who inspired the post about plane tickets I feel obligated, to comment. Especially since my "friend" is coming to visit me this weekend.

    I havent updated, but since the original post, here bought a ticket to see me, I bought one to see him, and we split this one coming up. we have fun when we're together, but no relations have been had yet. Hes been cool cause here knows I really am one of, those single digit chicks, but I know he's prib wondering "when". We shall see what happens!

    Excuse typos. on phone…

  12. "Gooder"? LOL! 🙂

    This happened with me and this guy about three years ago…except he did get the panties..and I went to see him…shocker….but, he lives in my hometown so it wasn't a big deal me going to him….but, I did think to myself that I didn't want to have s*x…but, things got hot and heavy so we did. Now, if he would've came at me like dude in the scenario up top….he would have been deaded on the spot. The dude in this scenario was disrespectful and rude….and men for the record, women don't believe you have blue balls because for one, if you not s*xin us we think you're definitely getting it in somewhere else..so stop with that foolishness…..and stop acting pressed for the panties..that is so childish and such a turn off…..if a girl doesn't want to give it up right then and there…deal with it..or go do what you have to do until she is ready….nothing dries me up faster then a pressed azz man.

    I do agree that it should be discussed beforehand..but, if it doesn't sound like something you can agree with..then stay home…and another thing, a "prince charming" wouldn't speak to a lady like that under any circumstances….

  13. So, are these men with the proverbial blueballs going without until they visit said young lady? Really, men are abstaining for those 3-4 months of talking, saving it for that special long distance lady, so that when you visit, you can give her the best that you got, baby? GTFOH! I

    Now, I do agree you have to make all expectations very clear when dealing with this type of situation. If you just see him as a friend, then make it clear, "no booty for you." If you see him as more, let things progress naturally. However, if you don't really want to have sex at first sight, you've expressed this to him before the visit, and he is still pressing you, kick him out of your house and let him masturbate in his rental car. Blue balls… GOH!!

    1. Actually, yea there are guys who are willing to do that. I was one of them. So if I'm choosing to build with you and not messed with outside influences..You can understand the frustration.

    2. @N.I.A.

      My guy has stated that is his exact intention. I guess that was the reason for his strong response when I asked if he was expecting sex.

      In his mind, he's laid next to me long enough with no panty dropping time, and NYE is about to go DOWN!! Literally, lol.

  14. He was rude! Therefore, even IF she wanted too, he lost out after that….smh.

    When I lived in DC, I was afraid to sleep with people there after reading 1 out 8 had HIV/AIDS, so I did the import thing for a while.

    My Friend from the military came up from GA to spend time with me and it was already known…we were already kicking it before I left GA.

    He should not expect the ***** since they really didn't know each other and it was the first time meeting face to face….was asking her to get under the cover his idea of face to face foreplay? HAHAHAHAHAHAH

    Maybe the next night, but he screwed that up being impatient. LOL.

    1. Obviously the example I gave was more for jokes than anything else, but unless he was told explicitly that he was not allowed in the draws, then the expectation is standard.

      The example was to show that the girl was nuts for thinking he wouldn't want to sleep with her. WDDTA?

  15. Yes I cosign, women in the South are nicer and much prettier…especially Florida. lol j/k Are there really women out there who think a man doesn't want s.ex from her? That sounds silly to me. I expect a man to want s.ex from me and if he doesn't, I'm offended. Who doesn't like to be lusted after? It's great for the ego and makes me feel powerful. The question is, is that all he wants? I would like to think my personality dazzles men into wanting more from me but I would be niave to think I'm not being objectified by many wolves in sheep's clothing. It's getting much more difficult to distinguish between the two because EVERYONE puts their best foot forward. Like you said about the guy "putting in work", many men make the p*ssy their mission and the smart ones know the best way to get it IS to pretend to be interested in her or "put in work". Soooo, I treat all men the same until they show me how they are special from the rest. That means, you aint getting none until there's love or atleast strong feelings involved. This is not ideal for everyone I know. It's just how I work to lower the chances of me getting played by a wolf.

    Oh and I would never let a man fly to see me knowing I don't want to give him any. That's just dumb.

    1. "Oh and I would never let a man fly to see me knowing I don’t want to give him any. That’s just dumb."

      It's a matter of opinion. If both parties are on the same page and perfectly fine with things not going beyond a certain level, then there's no reason for them to go without seeing each other. I personally think it'd be silly for me to wait until that point before allowing him to come to see me, or vice versa. Sex upon first meeting is not, and will never be my ideal situation. I'd feel more comfortable having interacted with him enough that I would have a good grasp on his non-verbal communication cues, and having spent a good amount of time with him physically without it going "there".

      All that said, I'm at a place where I'm against the idea of getting into a long distance relationship unless/until someone special comes along and swindles his way into my head/heart.

      1. Oh yes I agree. I was referring to NOT being on the same page. To be on the same page, some type of communication has to occur. If we never have the "talk" and he flies to see me, I know he's expecting something physical out of me. I'm also not into s.ex on the first anything and would need him to see me before. That's why I don't do long distance. I did a long distance relationship with a man I had been with for years before he moved and even that didn't work out in the end.

  16. I want to jump into this story and slap this girl. If she wasn't planning to bone she should have made it clear so he wouldn't have wasted his time travelling to see her.

    I WISH a man would try this ish on me. There would be a sexual assault going on in my home that night for sure.

  17. I've never been in this situation. And the closest I've been to something like it…dude and I were kicking it before he left for school in GA. When I went to visit, I had a hotel room (he went to Morehouse) and he stayed there one night…but nothing went down and he didn't act like he expected it to.

    Anywho, while communication is key…I would avoid putting myself in a situation similar to the scenario above.

      1. I don't think he was gay. I think he was a virgin. That's neither here nor there. I got the hotel room b/c 1. I couldn't stay at his dorm and 2. I'm just weird like that…I might be annoyed w/ you and need my own space, ASAP…and he invited himself to stay w/ me :/

      2. See I have to step in here. Morehouse does not equal gay, hell Atlanta doesn't equal gay.

        If a woman decides to get a hotel room that means little, she could just be sleeping there post-coitus.

        1. I feel you and all with this Morehouse does not equal gay or Atlanta does not equal gay, that's probably right.

          It's sort of like we're waiting on that blue check mark to appear on their twitter page, because it has not been verified, LMAO.

        2. Atlanta does not equal gay for me. Now Morehouse, hmmm I partly agree with you. lol C'mon of course I don't think a man's gay just cause he went to Morehouse (partly but not fully). It's was a joke.

        3. @Dr. Jay….DEAD!!!

          @Animate I disagree somewhat on the hotel situation. Me getting a hotel room means that I'm not in your personal space and I think it sets the tone for you not to expect anything. If I wanted "it"…I wouldn't bother getting a room…at all.

        4. @SFG "Atlanta does not equal gay for me."

          I unno, after watching a few eps of RHOA and seeing every other dude wearing stretch jeans and high-heeled peep toe shoes I might have to disagree…

          :0P

        5. @Brock

          I was trying not to offend anyone. 😉 But yeah, ATL gayer than most cities I've been to. lol and *cough* Morehouse *cough* is gayer than most colleges I've been to as well.

      3. @SFG Luckily I was born with a rare type Idontgiveafuck gene disorder that allows me say these things without fear of reprisals.

  18. Since when did email and phone = I know you? Hell I barely know the local ones and I know them pretty well. And yes he is right if you having e*ntercourse, phone boning, talking dirty or sex talk in general then yes it is expected that goodies coupons are being redeemed.

    If you don't feel that you are, then don't stay at his house and pay for your own ticket. I tend feel my goodies are worth more than a plane ticket.

  19. Thing is, the words will likely go in through one ear, and come right out of the other. I know this, because it happens right at home. Interestingly enough, I've had a good number of guys in the past who were feeling me and wanted to fly me out to wherever they were, but I was pretty sure they were convinced that whatever I said would be rendered moot by the time they got to work some in-person magic on me. I've always found that amusing. Like I said, I've had experiences where I've clearly stated that nothing would be taking place…but it doesn't stop homie from trying. What pisses me of is when I let my non-intentions be known and whoever it is has the nerve to catch an attitude when I stand by my words. Do.Not.Try.Me.

  20. Hmmm, this "importing" thing sounds interesting. I'll admit that being a DMV transplant from up North and hearing the stats on HIV/AIDS in this area is enough to make you want skip straight past blue balls and go to eunuch status…..

    /jk

        1. No not TMI. I understand. After my boo went overseas, my over a yearlong drought was due to FEAR. Fear of catching the insta-AIDS Jamie Foxx spoke about.

  21. My part of the conversation would've been:

    "Really? Three months…over phone and email at that??! Dude please, we haven't even had our first argument yet but you want a ticket into the golden gate..HAhaaa! Stop playin! I don't even know what you truly look like in person and you wanna be all kinds of intimate with me. Man, please. When do you expect me to drop trough on this little 2 day excursion of yours? Besides doesn't you flying way cross the country with a case of blue balls expecting a visit from the p***y fairy scream desperation? Do I really want to be THAT close with a desperate man? What other things are you desperate with? Slow your roll. Just no."

  22. Joining in late but it was my early morning chuckle. Blue balls, imports, y'all are crazy, but I do agree that if the man is flying in he should get some.

  23. I feel like there needs to be some parameters around all this. I mean, there's distance apart, and then there's time apart. Philly to DC, geographically, goes across a few state lines, but, it takes the same amount of time as going from the bronx to brooklyn during rush hour. So… I mean…

    I think the clear thing here is communication. Gotta communicate expectations clearly before you go someplace too far for you to get home the same night.

    1. Although I am doing entirely too much laughing at this post/comments, I agree w/ Most.

      Communication is key. & if you don't feel like you can talk to him about what you are thinking about, you probably shouldn't be sleeping with him in the first place.

  24. This post is funny and completely makes mute the idea that I had in my head but hadnt written yet but I still claimed as my own copyrighted idea and thus, I will now have to re-think of a new idea for submission to this very site but that's cool I AINT MAD. I co-sign this post and I'd like to share a personal story that I'll have to hope the girl doesnt come over to THIS site and read.

    I actually had this EXACT same sitch happen recently. And the WHOLE time the girl was like "I hope you dont expect nothing" , "I'm not that type" , "We're just friends" , "You aint never gon it, never gon get it, never gon get it (c) En Vogue" so I'm like cool, I'll want to visit the city anyway and staying with her will reduce room and board.

    Why WIM walk thru the door and 2.5 seconds she serving me "milk and cookies" tho? IS THIS REAL LIFE?!

    So yeah, ladies, stop with the fronting. General rule of thumb is if a man spends more than .99 on you, he's expecting to get some of that "tap tap and 808s." As SBM says, if you're not cool with that, let it be known. And dont pretend like you're a good girl and you're not cool with it when you are cool with it. That's just dumb and mad confusing and no one believe you anyway.

    1. lol, I sorta understand where some of those girls are coming from. They want some kind of reassurance that you're in it for more than sex, and know that a fair number of guys would race head so far in the opposite direction if they got any indication that no boot-knocking will be taking place.

      And to be honest with you, once in awhile I'll be adamant about something and find myself wavering down the line because this a-hole is messing with my brain (and pookie) chemistry somethin' terrible. Luckily for me, though, something usually knocks some sense back into my head before it's too late.

  25. Lost my previous comment.

    Have you ever looked at a situation from a different perspective and saw clarity? Like think about it, what if they met at a TD Jakes conference and then he flew out to meet her. I only met like two, but I think that Christians are supposed to wait until they get married to have sex. That dude would be tripping if he showed up and just whipped it out like Willow Smith. (Yo… that just gave me a good idea.)

    Anyway, i've never experienced this. It's like the new Dos Equis commercial… where they show the topic, Manscaping. And then the guy comes up and says, "I have no idea what that is about."

    I just don't go out of my way for poon, that's just me.

    Wait… this did happen to me one time. And yep, I gave that girl the female version of blue balls, Wetness without Value. Tell me why shorty came to visit me, upon entering the crib told me that:

    1) she had s*x with one of my boys

    2) told me that she enjoys an*l, like a lot

    3) I knew she had relations with another one of my boys (correction, he wasn't my boy, he was somebody I knew and I didn't have beef with him, that used to mean something for a guy in a frat in college), back in college and I kind of felt bad about it once I saw her. She brought that up too, she didn't know why we weren't friends.

    So I was like… yeah this not gonna work for me.

    I had a real messed up visual of my boy… and her… and like the an*l part it was just weird for me. I didn't even trust her mouth after she told me that.

    1. I swear when I finished reading this Chris Rock came on and said "Oh my god, baby you done took this shit to another fukin level…now you just disgusting."

      For real though I feel you. I've never gone out of my way for some trim. I've had chicks come visit me and gone to visit them but by that time I had known them for at least a year and it was just a natural progression of things at that point even though one chick made me wait until the 2nd night. I had her spraying on my sheets.

      1. Damnit Animate you just jarred my memory, I have had one of those Chris Rock moments… I think all men have. If not, they must not be doing all that they can do. I think one of my older brothers said "You can tell if a chick is a hoe, by how she looks." She was bad, and yes she was loose, but for some reason… well, nevermind.

        I rejoice in moments when I can say, "A [negro] like me… ain't supposed to be getting no p*ssy like this."

    2. Good point. I'm personally at a point where I'm not claiming celibacy simply because it hasn't really been challenged (in the sense of me being seriously tempted). Ideally though, the next time I have chex mix will be after rings have been exchanged, but between the fact that I have my doubts about whether that's in my long-term horoscope and the fact that I'm not necessarily an angel, it's something that's left to be seen. Nonetheless, it's on the list to be crossed out on my journey to being the Christian I want to be.

      1. I find a lot of people say they are celibate when they just don't want to have sex with anyone or aren't getting any. Celibacy has a distinct purpose and most people don't know that. Not saying you fall in that category though.

        1. I'm not yet at that point where I can confidently say that I'm taking that step. I still have some growing/maturing to do.

  26. After reading this post/comments, I feel bad for the man I sent home to Arkansas from DC w/ a full carton o' man milk. LOL. I don't feel bad b/c his carton was full… I feel bad that I didn't communicate his carton would remain full.

    Ah well. You live and you learn.

    1. @The Most Flyy:

      Don't feel bad about dude, if he had any self respect he just wacked off in your shower or sink… either of the two. He didn't leave fully loaded.

  27. Uh… I may have rocks thrown at my head for what I'm about to type but I brought my helmet just in case.

    The first visit is like a first date… Sorry but it ain't happening, Cap'n. If I need to forewarn a man about that, no problem. I like to keep my situations as confusion-free as possible. Don't expect anything on the second visit either… AND please don't expect to stay with me. If I'm flying out, I don't plan on staying with him especially if we're just "dating/talking". Now if everything is still going well by the third visit… "Give me the greenlight…give me the greenliiighht… I'm ready to go right now", John Legend.

    I do strongly agree that communication in KEY in these situations. A woman can't expect a man to fly from one coast to the other, not tell him he's not getting any, and think he'll be cool when he gets there to find out he won't be "beating" (that word always tickles me). A man shouldn't fly across the country and not express his concerns of having wetness all around him. Get this all out in the open before tickets are bought and hotel reservations are made. If he/she decides to stay home, *shrug* not too much can be done about that.

    That wasn't too bad but just in case… *puts helmet on*

  28. Dead at importing… my last serious relationship was a serious of imports and exports.

    That being said… if you come on the bolt bus from DC- I hope you don't expect the swexy times. Furthermore if we have never even kissed I hope you aren't planning on going from 0 to 62 in 3 seconds…. I am NOT a porche.

    My ex and i traveled different countries 3 times a pieces before we ever got down and it made all the more awesome…. I don't know- I don't think that a plane ticket= the nani.

    1. 9 time out of 10 … when I see you we are kissing within the first 2 hours (sometimes the drive from the airport is long) and I'm planning to smash the first night.

      Only once that didn't happen … and it scarred me for life.

  29. LOL @ This story. This is totally de ja vu. I hope he expects it, shoot I expected it in the one occasion I participated in a long distance courtship.

    Long story short. I met a guy one weekend a couple of years ago who I thought was dreamy. We didn't get a chance to go out outside of the one outing, but we did exchange phone numbers. Of course he didn't live in LA (always the case for me), we talked on the phone for 7 months. We'd talk for hours and hours. Finally he was coming to town. You know what I told all my girls, I was about to get some. If he woulda left me high and dry after all that talking, I WOULDA BEEN PISSED!

    So yes ladies and GENTLEMEN, if we're pursuing long distance anything, we bumping uglies as soon as I see you. I think I was in my guys presence for a total of 2 hours before we were unclothed. Best I ever had. I flew to his town months later for more fun. We laster for over a year so I don't regret it at all.

    1. Why isn't this common knowledge. For years I thought it was until I really had someone I had been courting for a solid 3-4 months come to visit. Then she actually looked at me like "you expected me to sleep with you on the first visit?".

      To this day I have never been able to reproduce the look of dejection that was on my face at that moment.

  30. Yeah…. I don't care what any one says, unless it's strictly discussed before hand and understood by both parties that there will be no hanky panky, you damn skippy I'm going to be getting some good pipe laying action if I buy a ticket to go see you… and it better be good too lol

    This was a funny post 🙂

  31. I honestly wonder if the shoe was on the other foot, would these so called "conservatives" NOT be pissed if thinking they were getting some and received a Hug and a Happy Meal?

  32. This is hilarious… well written and cleared somethings up… Bottom line .. Get on the same page before he gets on that plane and comes to visit … LMAO..

  33. I can't even comment on this today – lol, I got 2 precious bundles that sleep all day and scream all night as birth control right about now.

    My 2 little girls are finally here. I will now be known as Big Mama Teflon round these parts, lol. They are 5 days old and absolutely gorgeous (and I'm not just saying that because they look like me.)

    1. OH WOW! Congrats for you!

      Awwww, you got your xmas early. Stay positive and take care of yourself…those sleepless nights will soon pass and you will miss them.

    2. Aww, congrats Teflon! I couldn't play on SBM today because I am in the process of a huge final paper, but hopefully I will be back to play on here tomorrow.

      Kiss those baby girls for me!

  34. After picking myself up off the floor from reading the above scenario I will say this: Jerome messed up!!! because Flotasia probably would've given him some during his visit but she did what most women sometimes do (including myself) — try and play hard to get by playing coy or acting shy.

    If Jerome would have kept his mouthpiece shut and just gone with the flow and did the cuddle and canoodle thang Flotasia would have emptied his sac before he went back.

  35. I'm mad late, but that's okay. I just want to know how all of you end up in these situations, especially more than once? If I meet a man that lives three counties away, odds are that I'm already ruling him out. LDR are a hassle and rarely work out even if there is already a foundation there, and I have never willinging walked into a situation that I knew was gonna do nothing but cause pain or inconvenience (well, except that one time).

    1. Sane,

      You know what? I was thinking the same thing. Like [email protected] there are a lot of people doing LDRs (looking at the comments) when majority of people say they hate them. After I thought about it though, it kinda made sense. I mean who are active participants (i.e., blogs & social networking) on the innawebs may be more likely to go the distance (no pun intended) with LDRs because we know/use multiple forms of communication; all that helps to make it work. I mean between email, twitter, texts, BBMs, facebook & skype… how far is the distance really? <del>Nvm that itch you can't scratch.</del>

    2. Co-signed in my earlier comment.

      LDRs are for ballers. As are mistresses. I've said that before and yall didn't believe me.

      See if you're ballin for real you wouldn't be trippin about flyin a brawd somewhere and not hittin. But when you break da bank flyin in some no-warranty pu$$y. You be ready to Kobe Bryant the brawd cause she effed up your dividends.

  36. Ok for real. One should never assume that one will be broken off. To make such an assumption requires the prerequisite presumption that one can predict what is in the mind of a women. An erroneous assumption if ever there was one.

    I would simply have asked, where would you like to sleep.

    If you don't want to be that direct…than you assume all risk.

  37. I know i'm super later on this, but it laughed hysterically when i read this on the train. Much like everyone else said this should be discussed up front. I did the long distance thing briefly in college and before oh boy bought his plane ticket he asked where he'd be staying and whether or not I was ready to get busy. Luckily for him I was ready. I don't think it's fair to have someone spend money and take time off and not know their expectations

  38. I'm in P.G. County and I don't really like DC/PG guys 🙂 . I wonder what's the deal with the relationship issues in this area…hmmmmm

  39. SBM,

    Why did you describe me perfectly with the "good girl: description? LOL! Funny thing is I've been in this situation…a couple of times. HAHAHAHA. You live and you learn.

  40. Am late but oh boy i laughed so hard my boss gave me sideglance *shrug* he is just a hater lol

    Well if i travel the whole coutry and cross the 7 seas ( i live in Africa) for that matter i do expect to get some hellllooo

    I am new to this but i love it!

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