Last week I had a one of my lady friends (Literally just a friend that’s of the opposite sex) tell me she was “sick of these New York City men.” I sat there quietly expecting her to continue. After a longer than normal silence, I obliged and asked her what she meant. I got the following:
“I go out with some of these wack dudes and then they just fall off the map. All they wanna do is text and they call so sporadically that I can’t tell what the f*ckin’ deal is.”
My first instinct was to ask her why she was intentionally going out with wack dudes, but figured that would be an awful idea. My second instinct was to tell her there’s nothing wrong with texting and that I hate the phone myself. Actually, I did tell her that and referenced a post I wrote on the topic that some women actually co-signed. She wasn’t too happy with me, but at least she visited the site. I then settled on the following:
“How do you know he wasn’t interested? It doesn’t seem like you asked very many questions. The other thing is why don’t you just tell the dudes to call and that if they don’t, it isn’t going anywhere because the phone is important to you?”
“I shouldn’t have to do all that,” she replied. “I just want to be courted or chased a little.” But it seems like men does not like chasing.
My friend was starting to sound like a few women I’d been out with this year. My cynicism set in. “Hahaha. You wanna be courted? Have you seen the landscape out there? Does equal opportunity mean anything to you?” I was being a jerk. She knew it too. Fortunately, we have that dynamic where we can insult and clown each other without feelings getting hurt most of the time.
As you can probably tell, I’m not an aggressive courter or chaser. I’m not going to fight across a crowd at a club or bougie Black networking event to get to a chick before the next man. Should we happen to be in close proximity, I’ll say something. My game spittery is minimal. Either you like me or you don’t. If you’re unsure, don’t expect me to try to sway you. If I get your phone number, I’ll text…and call. But please understand that if I call you and you don’t pick up or call me back in a reasonable (24 hours) amount of time barring a medical or occupational emergency, my interest will wane quickly. If I attempt to make plans with you and you flake without a good excuse and effort to reschedule on the spot, I’m done. I’ll assume you’re not interested, therefore I’m not interested. No country for time wasting. I also have an issue with people that can’t be upfront and choose to engage in side-steppery rather than press the release button and let the fish off the hook and back into the sea. That’s a separate post.
I’ve been encountering chicks from the past as well as their friends and getting hit with the “what happened and how come you fell off the face of earth?” To this day, I’m still surprised when this plays out. My response is simple: “I thought you/she weren’t/wasn’t interested.” Apparently I was supposed to call 2 more times and push for 2 more dates before she would act like a normal person that wanted to get to know somebody. Keep in mind that these are women over the age of 25.
For as nice a guy as I can be and as Piscean as I am, I still suck at jumping through hoops and over hurdles—particularly for someone I’m just getting to know. The chase doesn’t excite me. It makes my head hurt. If a gentleman continuously pursues a lady despite an ambiguous response, then I’m an uncouth bastard. Let me burp, fart, and be gone.
Yeah, I ended it that way. What do you think of the chase at this point in your life? Do you prefer to hunt or be hunted? Has getting someone’s attention easily ever turned you off? What is courting in 2010? Do you have rules around initially contacting someone you just met? Or it is true that men does not like chasing? Am I really a caramel douche?
Making the immature tongue between own lips farty sound,
P.S. I know at least a few of you attempted to make the farty sound then laughed.