Home Dating & Relationships Sex Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger


Everyone wants to talk about how to make sex better.  Four words, in this order, but don’t feel married to it.  Harder, better, faster, stronger.  Trust me, send the person you’re having sex with this article and see how they react.  Their face lights up, woooooooooooooo!

Hit it a little harder next time, don’t be acting timid. You know you get a little soft around the edges.  A guy jumps in the ring circling his opponent and throwing combinations, but then towards the later rounds he’s hugging his opponent and trying to ride it out.  Try harder.  You may break beds, you may break shower doors, you may even break the coffee table? (#shithappens), but you can’t break her.  So here’s what I think, try and break her.  Try as hard as humanly possible.

(Suggested position: Bend her over a table, or up against any hard surface, so that there is nothing to soften the blow.)

In order to get better at what you’re doing you need to treat it like it’s important to you. Prepare, perform, debrief and review.  If you aren’t having team meetings with your mind, body and manhood outside of the bedroom, you can’t expect to perform well on the field.  I’m not opposed to taping and having a whiteboard in the bedroom.  Open your mouth and start asking your partner about what just happened.  If you are unsure, something went wrong.  The best compliment a woman can give a man about sex is absolute incoherence, I want you to give her vertigo.  “No, Stop, Please, Don’t, Thank you.”  I want you to make her slide across that bed like she just found out there was a rattlesnake under the covers.

See Also:  5 Things We Can Look Forward To With KimYe’s Love Child

(Suggested position: In the living room with a camera connected to the big screen on a live stream.)

Um… a lot of women would prefer if you could do it faster.  Some like it slow, most like it fast.  Teach yourself how to go faster for a longer period of time and this will take you far in life.  Me, personally, I oscillate the alphabet.  Sounds weird, but hey I’m with you, it’s damn hard to concentrate on not doing something.  Have you ever been riding on a straight road with your date, looked in her eyes and gassed the car to like 100MPH?  That’s the same as looking her in the eyes and thinking about something completely different.  I’m just being honest with you, the way it’s going to feel physically is not in your favor, and the look on her face … that look of impending incoherence, mentally will send you into another space.  #spacejams

(Suggested position: Her on top, she raises a little and you thrust upward from the bottom as fast as you can, hold her sides to push her up and down.)

When a woman says she wants to feel like a ceiling fan.  She wants to feel like a ceiling fan.  Flip her, twist her, bend her, do whatever you got to do.  I want you to push her head so far into the pillow she starts to tear up.  Put, not place, put your hand on her shoulder and the other in her hair, close to the root though, (sh*t can go horribly wrong if you grab her hair by the ends, you’ll end up rolling back like Cassie), but grab hold of that shoulder and be as strong as you can be.  Keep in mind though, you can squat as much as you weigh, so don’t be scared that you can’t pick her up.  Pick her up, the wall wants to help you too.

See Also:  Cuffin’ Season Tips: Phone Etiquette

(Suggested position: Standing with her legs straddling you, and her back against the wall.)

Recap: Harder = break her, Better = Incoherence, Faster = Until the wheels fall off, Stronger = to the window to the wall.  Our goals are simple, a better sex life.  This is not to say that you should be this way each time you have sex with your lady, that just isn’t good for business.  Trust me, sometimes they do want that passionate flow, like one out of ten times.  Remind her that you’re a man and she’s a woman, these days if she wanted to have sex with a soft sweet woman who can make her feel special, she would.  You’re a man, be a man. 


  1. (sighs) Gosh it's been a minute since I've been here! What does it say about me that an article like this brought me out the woodwork (O_o) anyhooo….

    I agree: Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger is the way to go. I'm a grown woman and I would say that I could take what my guy can dish out. Women love sex just as much (if not more) and aim to be pleased. I wanna know that my guy is goin hard in the paint to satisfy me because it means he gives a damn (or his pride won't let me go with knowing I didn't explode…thought I believe the former is more the truth ;-D ). And like you said, it is important to be able to assess when I want to be twisted out and when I want it slow motion. Learn to speak body language fellas and it's easy coasting.

    *applauds Dr. J.*

  2. So here’s what I think, try and break her.

    Was giving this chick some passion once and she was scratching my back and all that goodness then she moaned "You won't hurt me…" A switch went off and I tried to push her through to another dimension!

  3. Dammit. This.is.sex.with.my.man. Sex like this is dangerous; it may keep you in the wrong relationship/situation…………out of fear you may never find it again! Lol But fellas…Dr. J is so right. You won't break us. Harder, faster, and longer.
    *I haven't posted in months, but this one right here…I had to personally cosign.

    1. I know I'm super late on this but Girl you ain't never lied!!!! This right here is a rare thing to find and can go along with some serious personality and monogamy issues.

  4. You know what…I agree for the most part, there have been times where I had been having sex with my "buddy" and I told him HARDER and obviously he didnt get it. I thought maybe he thought he was scared he would accidentally murder me because of the size difference (Im 5'3 130lb hes 6'6 240) but trust me…..no matter what dirty cartoons show it is anatomically impossible to ram a woman in one end and your "light saber" come out the other.

    Oh and I definitely agree with the last part "Remind her that you’re a man and she’s a woman,…You’re a man, be a man." There is mentally and physically stimulated about feeling like you partner is "dominating" you. The sex is better..but also it triggers something mentally you might not even realize….I dont know maybe its just me but there is something about how a man consentually pinning me down that just takes my breath. I havent met too many men that would do that though. If I dominate in the bedroom, I dominate the relationship…unfortunately for me, thats how its been in past relationships.

  5. I'm a faithful lurker, but I had to cosign this one. Pulling my hair during a harder, better, faster, stronger scenario = unhinged.

  6. lmao. Let me be the lone dissenter on this one. The partner has to be a size that's just about right for you, because reading this and thinking of my ex is enough to push me to the brink of tears. I came very close to begging him to stop many a time…but I was a soulja, so I rode it out. I was convinced that he was a hired assassin (no pum pum killa). 2/4 of these alone almost gave me permanent spinal injury. That is all.

    1. **DEAD** "I was convinced that he was a hired assassin (no pum pum killa)."

      LOL ** You're right.. I mean, we can take it, but damn… Onno…. sometimes it's like, "for real..STOP"….WAIT… DON'T… NO MORE… lol…

  7. "Recap: Harder = break her, Better = Incoherence, Faster = Until the wheels fall off, Stronger = to the window to the wall"

    I just evaporated!

    Triple co-sign on the hair pulling! That ish right there will make a sista go in the back yard and personally slay the pig in which his bacon will come from AND add the hint of maple…

    Made my morning, heck possibly my day with this post!

    1. "That ish right there will make a sista go in the back yard and personally slay the pig in which his bacon will come from AND add the hint of maple…"


  8. Word of caution: Do NOT practive this method with cheap Planned Parenthood give away condoms or the NYC Brand joints. May (will) result in unwanted pregancies and asking "Yo where did it go"

    With all that said, continue..lol

    1. @DeKeLa:

      That's real talk. You can always tell that dude who about to have a kid because he slanging and then says something like, I don't like Trojans, I can't feel nothing…. Yep, he likely raw dogging or using Durex – extra – thin.

      Durex only for wifey, because if it breaks, "Hey, it's wifey."

      1. Wow! I know a guy who has 2 bms (both kids age 8). He says it was a condom malfunction. I will have to call him and ask what type he was using. lol!

      2. @Kema:

        He wasn't using no condoms. I have a boy, like my man 50 grand, like that right now, has two sons they are not two years old yet. I'll tell y'all this because nobody's gonna be on SBM for the next few days, so…

        He was living with his girlfriend, he broke up with her because she was nagging him all the time. He immediately started beating off this 22 year old jawn that was a party animal. He got her pregnant, when he finds out he got her pregnant, his ex tells him that she's like 2-3 months pregnant.

        Dude stays with the young chick, because I guess that was an easier one to go with. Then one day has an epiphany that this 22 year old chick, is actually not that smart and all she wants to do is have fun. And begs his ex-girlfriend to take him back. And she does!!! That's his current fiancee now. She believes that the young pip squeak, (why women always calling young girls that?), basically trapped him.

        I don't know why a chick will be letting a dude smash raw dog but when he's with other chicks he's a saint. I don't know why…

        I don't never believe those stories when people say, It was only one time, or We used a condom, or I switched birth control. I just be like, nah you pregnant so focus on that, and stop telling me that weak a*s story.

  9. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yesssss…..

    What is even better is NOT having to tell your SO any of this at all.

    Ahhhh, I love my husband.

      1. Just make sure the neighbors know your name and not your kids.

        I always wonder about that. Do married couples have to have silent sex? I know they don't be thinking, "oh he sleep."

        1. Silent sex….WTF? WDDTA?

          Naw son, the kids have to know that mommy and daddy are still alive and kicking. I mean you don't purposely try to be heard, but it is what it is.

          I dare say they even know what time it is when mommy and daddy disappear after giving each other those eyes during dinner. This lets them know all is right in the world.

        2. CO-SIGN!!!!!!!

          Mommies and Daddies are 'POSE to be gettin it in!

          We knew when Dad was shoving us out the house to run and play what that meant…I was glad that they dug each other so stinking often still! Not that I wasn't skeeved out a lil bit, it's Mom and Dad, not something you want to have a visual of, but still…get it!

          My mom says "the men in my family like low maintenance, high sex drive women…" when I grow up I wanna be as freaky as those fools are…

      2. Not TMI at all…people to need to know that marriage does not equal a dead sex life.

        Good for you Red! Those days at work are the hardest…you are all teeth yet eager to leave work for another round.


    1. @Beef Bacon –

      I feel you, that's why the post was directed at the men. Ideally, your woman shouldn't have to ask to do that. I mean, passion is good, but laying it down and beating the brakes off is great. I can always tell based on whether I get a look like Nala or Belle. Nala and Simba was cuddling and snuggling. Meanwhile, Belle was in love with a dude who she knew was a beast.

  10. *Turns on Ludacris & Trey Songz 'Sex Room', walks towards the e-Boo, grabs him from his tie and heads toward the bedroom*

    C'mon Boo, lets practice what you preach

    *while slowly stripping down to nothing but heels*

  11. I love how this post is a pep talk to the team from coach. Lol. Good job J.

    The only thing I have to add is "Trust me, sometimes they do want that passionate flow, like one out of ten times." I'm go ahead and up that number to 3 personally… but other than that… iCo-sign.

    1. Here you go changing up the post. Upping it to 3. I see you over there, you be listening to Floetry and John Legend.

      Not me, straight Rick Ross and Daniel Bedingfield in my bedroom. Plies used to be a staple back in like 08 though.

  12. I am Ashleigh L.A. and I approve this message. I would also like to add another word: Rougher. In the immortal words of Estelle, "kiss me, smack me, pull my hair". I don't care what anyone says, I love aggressive sex.

    1. I wasn't always a fan of aggressive sex just because well (1) I am paranoid about sex crimes, and I ain't want to put myself in no position where she looks like she was boxing and then wanna trap me with a charge, and (2) I have this thing about not wanting to disrespect a woman when i'm having sex with her. It took me forever to do dirty talk because I was like, "I don't know if it's right to call you that and then have s*x with you." Smacking cheeks wasn't as hard as when this chick asked me to choke her and smack her. I had to draw the line when she asked me to choke her with a belt. #thismystop

      1. Now that's one thing I just can't get with…choking. How am I supposed to enjoy it if I can't breathe.

        Anyway, I think it's just a matter of knowing who you're dealing with. Some like aggressive, other's don't. I think people should be able to have an open dialog if their bumping uglies.

        1. If you can't talk it out try writing, there is this list on line that goes through all sorts of things. Some even made me blush. Not sure where you can get it but be creative in google and it should pop up.

          Great way to see what your partner is REALLY into.

          Some people are too shy or ashamed and this is why I think a lot of cheating goes on.

          Oh you want me to paint myself with latex…..where’s the tarp!

      2. Wow….a belt? Where do you find these women Dr. J? I mean to each his own but that would have creeped me out a little.

        I mean where does one draw the line on what gets you off…(in terms of asphyxiation) I would be worried about her f*'d up subconscious and what made that particular act turn her on.

        1. Re: RedLady:

          In the School of Nursing… Nurses uphold that freaky reputation.

          But word to asphyxation, that's how Arturo Gatti and the guy from Kung Fu got got. Apparently the light headedness is a turn on or it makes it better, I don't know. When she said that I acted my age and just busted out laughing, I couldn't help it.

        2. That's who I was thinking about, the guy from Kung Fu swinging in the closet. Crazy!

          I'm mad you laughed at her tho….HA!

        3. I'm a daring laugher.

          I try to only do it when something is really ridiculous; like Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger, but if you pull a Charlie Horse, i'm going to start laughing.

          Also, it's real awkward when someone says they love you during sex and you don't know what to do. I'll tell you how to cut that tension so it's not weird, BUST OUT LAUGHING. Sure, they'll probably be upset with you, but clearly y'all wasn't on the same page anyway and…. "Girl for the last time, yup I said the last time, girl this is the last time…"

        4. J! Discretion is the better part of valor!! If you tell these folks ONE more thing about me I will NEVER wear that furry suit that you like so much ever again!! Ya'll WILL NOT be judging me because I like a lil belt around the neck action!

          Really J! I thought we were better than that! Last time I ask you to try something new…

        5. A little light-headedness never hurt anyone. It does make the Big O more intense. You just have to know your safe words lol


  13. Yes I sent this link to someone. So I hope he follows these instructions. *Goes to buy camera and big screen tv*

    Thank you.

  14. This is Beautiful!!!!! (*ole man's voice in coming to america*)

    This post is dead on.



  15. um. WOMP. sounds like majority of you guys dont know what pleasure is. power drilling a girl over a table so theres nothing to soften the blow? sounds like shed be screaming out of pain.

    this is just another way to be lazy. go hard, go fast, next!!! and the females who cosign on this are prolly the type that get game spit at em and get thrown the deuces after having relations.

    find you a man that takes his time on you. in everything. putting your coat on for you should be a sensual experience.

    1. @Merry e-life

      Sounds like you like a boring sex life.

      There is more to sensuality than soft and sweet.

      Don't be upset that we are able to embrace the animalistic side of us. Soft and sweet is great but gets boring after awhile don't you think?

      I feel for your partner becasue variety is and always will be the spice of life.

      1. smh. did your feelings get hurt or are you that immature you have to take personal shots? im not sure what kind of person discusses their sex life on the internet but im not one of them. youre excused.

        choosing a single mate and having relations inside of marraige is embracing the animal side. THIS is sloppy fornication for ppl with no sense of self value.

        did i say anything about soft and sweet? i said sensual. describe a sensual experience.

        1. Personal shots? You are the one making insulting comments about what women on here "prolly" do….remember. Trust me, its hard for you to hurt my feelings, I would have to actually CARE about your thoughts and feeling towards me.

          No one is discussing in detail anything about a sex life, only adults speaking generally about life, which happens to include sex. It is one thing for you to add something, but that is not what you did. You TRIED to diss people and that is immaturity shown and proven.

          If you have nothing better to do than this…I get it. Different strokes for different folks, remember that when you try to tell others why they do what they do.

          Not in the mood to go tit for tat with you today…enjoy your not so merry e-life…k?

        2. yeah. thats what i thought.

          so like i was saying….

          instead of going for dudes who only want to rail you over a table go for the men who want to hold and caress you, even if youre just putting your socks on. that way anything and everything you guys do together will be a lot deeper than faked screams and forced yelps and itll feel like the best thing in the world.

        3. "and the females who cosign on this are prolly the type that get game spit at em and get thrown the deuces after having relations."

          This exchange is funny because I believe Beef and a few of the other women cosigning this post are married.

    2. @Merry e-life

      I think you may have misinterpreted my points to mean, rough sex, and rough sex only. There's nothing wrong with intensity without roughness. And I think that's what this post is saying. You also pointed out my first example… that's a sign that you may not have read the rest of the post. The other three suggested positions were passionate love making positions, and not ones intended to hurt. Thanks for reading.

      1. after the furniture breaking and hair pulling and "dont soften the blow" and the comparison to a boxer….im not sure where the love is but it obviously isnt in the rough interactions youre having with females.

        1. I love when someone comes on the blog pissed off for no reason and just remains that way no matter what anyone says. Folks were here just vibing out on this post and someone comes in MAD. That's like that person who comes over your house and won't leave, talking bout, "It's a free country."

        2. LOL. just like those ppl who curse out a judge who gave an effed up ruling talking bout freedom of speech.

        3. *sigh*

          The main point of this post was to give suggestions for a better sex life. At the end of the day, everyone likes gets his/her in an unique special way. Either it applies or it doesn't.

          Merry E-life … I get where you are coming from — but let us not mistake "sensuality" or "roughness" for a measure of love, affection or dislike. The same way that a man may 'caress you' and adoringly watch you while you're putting on your socks — he can haul off and smack you for wearing the wrong color. You cannot judge this to be a caring man simply because of his loving "stroke" in the bedroom. That's too simplistic, and so is labeling any woman who may find excitement and pleasure out of any of the suggestions presented by Dr. J.

          Intense sex, soft sex, sensual sex, casual sex, rough sex, solo sex — those are preferences, not judgments on individuals.

    3. You're making A LOT of assumptions. There are plenty of guys that can, as someone else said, "go hard in the paint" in one session and love on and caress you the next.

      1. @ ashleigh l.a.

        the point i made wasnt about whether a guy could do both or not. womp. re read my comments.

        @ joyfula

        if you get where im coming from speak on it, otherwise id have to assume you didnt comprehend the point at all since you just gave me some rebuttal that had nothing to do with it.

        1. The place where I understand you stems from the sensual side (a man should be able to show you affection in a more timely and caressing manner, in all things — especially those outside of the bedroom) — but I dissent from your statement at this point: " the females who cosign on this are prolly the type that get game spit at em and get thrown the deuces after having relations."

          It's not my intent to put words in your mouth, but from my POV, that sounds like an indictment of the women and the type of men that they choose if they agreed with the suggestions provided. Additionally, in your replies to Dr. J — you implied that "love" cannot be involved if one is participating in these actions. Again, I can only go on my interpretation of your words … I don't know you, and definitely am unable to hear the inflection that you may be placing on words — but if this interpretation is correct: then I disagree, this viewpoint is too simplistic. My original reply to you was to highlight that a "loving" man can inflict more harm on you than one whom a woman may enjoy intense sex with.

          Are there some women who fall for game, get smashed on something furious, and then told to leave w/o any cab fare? YES, absolutely. But that's some women, and let's not make any mistakes … a dude could do the exact same thing but this time take it slow in the bedroom & homegirl is still out in the snow with no cab fare.

          The main point is "some" women will fall victim to game … your post implied that all women who like intense sex, well — they are just getting played. And that's where I deviate from co-signing on your views.

          Hope that clears it up. If I'm still not seeing your point — then I will just have to be lost.

        2. okay, upfront im gonna say i couldnt take the over educated sound of the way you speak but the jist is you got my point. and anything i said to j was said to j.

          aside from that youre exactly right with your interpretations of what i was saying and yes its simple bc it should be. when you try to complicate things you start justifying the fact that youre acting like a ho.

          chicks who hop on the "lets have quick, intense sex" bandwagon with some random dude or a friend arent the wifey type who comprehend a good man so they get played and start making excuses to continue getting played. im just trying to provide a little hometraining so my ladies will know how to recognize a true gentlemen.

          and i appreciate you taking the time to develop the point i made even if you dont agree with certain parts of it. its good to have conversations like this.

  16. Oh My! Somebody knows what he's doing!!

    "Put, not place, put your hand on her shoulder and the other in her hair, close to the root though, (sh*t can go horribly wrong if you grab her hair by the ends, you’ll end up rolling back like Cassie)"


    "The best compliment a woman can give a man about sex is absolute incoherence, I want you to give her vertigo"

    and THIS!!

  17. I don't even know what to say? This sounds like me going at it with my Lady. Lol, she always told me short sex is the best sex. I didn't know what she meant but finally explained from her experience, short men tend to go harder than most. "It's like you really got something to prove." So what does that say bout me, lol! This post gives me some fire power for our next convo. Thanks for throwing this up, doc.

  18. Okay… I'm down for the rough stuff every now and then but this post sounds a lil too rough. As I read it it reminded me of the eager "rabbit humper" that goes so fast and so hard the sex is no longer enjoyable. Personally, I love it deep and slow with heavy breathing. There is no better climax than the one that is a product of a man who knows what he's doing and doesn't have to overcompensate with fast, hard pumping. Did I misunderstand the article?

    1. I'm not sure if it's a matter of misunderstanding, but a matter of preference. All the above sounds like a lil slice of heaven to me…maybe it's not for you. But that's cool. *shrug*

      The deep and slow sounds nice too…I'd bet the good Dr wouldn't balk at that idea-he's just saying here's something else to try…


  19. First I want to say, thank you for making a post for all of us who love sex and care to share stimulating conversations. It even sparked a debate with someone who's not getting sex(merry e-life). And JoyfulA is a good peace maker! I was rollin with laughter when Dr.J said"Folks were here just vibing out on this post and someone comes in MAD."It's just refreshing that we all take in something new about a person or find out your not alone in the way you feel or view things. I am mostly excited that, Dr.J is reaching out to the men and helping them be better partners to whom they love, like or want to be with. It's a treat for us ladies for a man to want to oscillate the alphabet, just to give you pleasure.Its grown and sexy and real. life and relationships are not a princess fairy tail. A Real Woman can enjoy a Man being a man. Nowadays, men are turning to other men,because of the unrealistic pressures of women. RealTalk, I rather him blow my back out, then another man any day! If you have a man that loves you and wants to make love.Don't take it for granted. When you do, there will be woman like us that will embrace him and let him be 100% MAN!Don't sleep, play for keeps! *smooches*

    1. this is coming from a ho who has no idea what love making is in the sanctity of marraige. ask about it.

      youre a little confused about yourself to take shots at me little one. you want a genuine connection yet the first time someone talks about meaningless sex with a large quantity of ppl you co sign. seems like what you really want is true love yet the attention you get from being a good fuck buddy is a lot less work and comes a lot easier for you.

      but i mean…sure. thats definitely the way to go and IM the lost one. id rather be without sex than to be the little girl confident in how many guys use me and dump me for it. but…whatever makes your boat float in shallow water i guess. -shrug-

  20. Ladies, if you want to return the favor, let him sleep and go make him a sandwich, turn the tv to the highlights of a game. If he not into sports. Then wake him up in an hour and 30min with a deep throat massage. I promise you , he will go harder, stronger and even faster the second go around again! What, ever you do. Don't talk.Just do it! You can thank me later!LOL

  21. @ Merry e-life, U are so mature, calling me a ho, only shows you don't need to be on a blog thats talking about enjoying sex. Your over thinking and preaching on area that dose not require a lecture. You need to get intouch with your inner freak and let your Husband be a Man to you!You killing the vibe and the joy of sex, just like you do at home.Please, let grown folks talk about grown and sexy things. You need to go to church right now and pray about your nasty comments towards me. I just assumed you were not getting the pleasure in your P.Base on the comment you made: females who cosign on this are prolly the type that get game spit at em and get thrown the deuces after having relations.

    find you a man that takes his time on you. in everything. putting your coat on for you should be a sensual experience…I mean Mami you just twisted the whole blog into something negative and then you want put a stamp of approval to do something right. And then you go around calling women ho like you got issues with women. Like what do you think a ho is. I guess its whatever you don't do. You can't change what women like for their man to do base on what you wouldn't do. Thats crazy to even put yourself in that position. You take a suggestion. Stop talking and thinking so much and let your man have his way with you! smooches, Don't worry about me, I will be a Ho and a freak with my Man and him only! You should know your a woman right?

  22. @ RealWoman…Correct me if I'm wrong but based on your comment here: "Don’t take it for granted. When you do, there will be woman like us that will embrace him and let him be 100% MAN!Don’t sleep, play for keeps! *smooches*…" it also sounds like you're trying to be a "ho" and a "freak" for someone else's man as well…Maybe I'm reading into it too hard ::shrugs:: whatever though. No sweat from me. All in all I'm agreeing with Sweetz and Queen T, this rough sex stuff sounds invigorating and stimulating but I am one of those punks lol. You'll have to remove the fear from my body before I allow you to just pound into me ruthlessly. After that part is over, then it's pretty much ON from there.

  23. Great post sir! I'm a lil bit late to the commentary but it was highly amusing…especially Merry e-life. Shall we say bitter woman party of 1! Lol Thumb thuggin at it's finest…


Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get SBM Delivered

Get SBM Delivered

Single Black Male provides dating and relationship
advice for today's single looking for love

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This