"Yeah ... your cute ... but are you rolling!"
Johanisha Jones: “I don’t feel pretty.”
SBM: “What? Why would you say that?”
JJ: “My hair. Ever since I went natural, guys don’t hit on me like they used to.”
SBM: “I’m not surprised.”
JJ: “I hate this stupid European sense of beauty!!! Why does my hair have to be straight and flowing!”
SBM: “Well, that is one major reason, but I think there is more to it.”
JJ: “Excuse me?”
SBM: “I think a lot of guys are less likely to approach a natural hair chic … they aren’t as receptive.”
JJ: “EXCUSE ME!!!”
SBM: “Calm down, calm down. That isn’t sexy.”
JJ: “Why does me having natural hair make me less approachable?”
SBM: “Hoes have perms.”
JJ: **puzzled look**
SBM: “Think about the hoes you know …”
JJ: **puzzled look turning into understanding and anger** “Damn these hoes!”
Just to clarify … not all hoes have perms. And just because you have a perm … doesn’t mean you are a hoe.
Life is often (sadly) determined by stereotypes and preconceived notions. If you are black, someone might offer you some watermelon and chicken, and then assume you will curse them the f* out in an uncontrollable black rage. Al Sharpton. Yeah … stereotypes can suck, except for that free watermelon and chicken.
Lets take a second to define “natural hair wearers”. This is actually involves talks of the African Diaspora, the hair industry, and the European model of beauty. Since I have no desire to talk about all that sh* … we’ll just stick with Afro, Dreads, or a Caesar, looks that are free of chemical or heat processing. Basically … something that Erykah Badu or india Arie would rock. (Please let’s not focus on the definition)
In order to ascertain a set of stereotypes that apply to this group, I reached out to the official SBM Research Laboratory. An organization dedicated to improving relations between black men and women everywhere. After an extensive investigation process involving surveys, background research interviews, and talks with academics me sitting at a computer and thinking “hmmmm”, SBM RL has compiled the following list.
Connected to the struggle
High Self Confidence
High Value of Sense
The best way to think about this, use music. Think about the “hoes” of hip-hop. Lil Kim, Nicki Minaj, Trina … what kind of hair are they rocking. And when you think of the natural hair wearers, Badu, Arie, Jill Scott, what are they singing about? Pretty sure you are not gonna catch them on the “Freaky Gurl” Remix or yelling “5 Star B*tch”.
So what does this have to do with who guys approach?
Think about the average guy who is hitting on a girl … he wants p*ssy. Sure, he may be looking for a girlfriend and wife, but that usually isn’t a man’s first thought. That comes later. When he is yelling “hey you … with the ass” from across the street, he is trying to beat … not meet your dad.
Now, we all know that hoes loose women are more likely to give up p*ssy with little effort. And we know that guys don’t like rejection (don’t fight me on this one). So, when you think about men on the whole, they want to hit on more hoes than housewives. This reduces our rejection rates and makes sure we are smashing … constantly.
See how it all comes together now?
If a guy is trying to decide who to hit on in the supermarket, generally speaking, he is going to go for the easy win. And remember that hoes have perms? Knowing that a girl with natural hair is less likely to be a hoe, he is going to go for that.
And there you go … another SBM life-changing theory for the books.
The main thing you have to realize about this is we aren’t talking about the guys with scruples. Honestly, a guy like me prefers his woman with natural hair. Just thinking about some long dreads that go down the middle of a woman’s back … whew … man. The same qualities that may turn off the masses … only make me (and many like me … Slim Jackson) want her more.
I know someone reading this is mad. I know many people reading this might be mad … but stop, and think about it. Am I wrong? Is one of the reason that a dyme with a well kept mini-fro might not get as much play as her lye’d up friend is because of preconceived notions? Not saying it’s right, but is it true?
I like. :o) true. But,since I went natural,I probably get more action. Has to do with the confidence thing,I think.
I most DEFINITELY agree with you. I've gotten play when I had a relaxer, and now, as a natural. I honestly think I've gotten more play as a natural. I'm definitely confident, too.
I absolutely agree. I toggle between natural (curly hair), a doobie and a weave. And I get hit on equally in just about any hair style.
A woman carries her confidence (or lack thereof) with any hairstyle. If you aren't feeling good about yourself, that could translate to less approaches from the fellas which could lead to a sick cycle of less esteem? But, what do I know…
On the flip, as my guy friends like to say (on the low) going natural isn't for everybody..
YOU ARE SO RIGHT. Sexy is an attitude. If you feel Ugly Guys will sense that about you and will be turned off by you. IF YOU FEEL SEXY, CONFIDENT & PROUD!!!; GUY WILL BE DRAWN TO THAT POSITIVE ENERGY.
SISTERS NEED TO REPRESENT NATURAL HAIR IN A POSITIVE WAY. Everybody's not gonna like you hair; SO WHAT!!!! BE POSITIVE.
I really agree with you…confidence is not in hair but in the woman, i know bald women who be just ooze self confidence that it make me wanna go bald……they are sexy and confident in their skin…im in college and one of my friends asked why in a group of pretty girls, guys go for the popular ones…i said 1 word…self confidence that is all it takes to make people not only guys like you….self confidence get dudes not pretty, think im lying? take a careful look around you next time……
Welcome back SBM! I feel all sorts of things about your theory (however much truth is in it), but I lurve that we're back in business.
Lol at the opening convo!
I was telling my gf the other day, when I rocked my twists, I got many good reactions from men and I found it kept the RifRaff at bay. They would look at me with a puzzled look on their face, give my body a couple looks, then weigh their options. But all in all, I have positive experiences with my natural hair.
Besides, I like a man who don't adhere to stereotypes 🙂
"Besides, I like a man who don’t adhere to stereotypes "
THIS!
"I found it kept the RifRaff at bay." – Hell yes! lol
…………..
Hm, I feel like I get hit on more now with natural hair than when I had relaxed hair. But, that might have to do with how I wore my hair when it was relaxed. When my hair was relaxed, I didn't put much effort into it–usually in a pony tail or just flat-ironed. It was usually the same ol' hairstyle. With my natural hair, I wear different hairstyles–twists, cornrows, flat twists, braids, even straight. I feel like with my natural hair, I have to care about my appearance 'cause when I do nothing to it, I end up looking a hot pipin' mess. Pretty much what I'm saying is: I do something to my hair more often now with natural hair than with relaxed hair. Relaxed hair, to me, doesn't take too much effort to take care of. Just my 2 cents.
Single Black Male Truth!
Does anyone (ladies) get hints from this post?i.e if u want jumpoff action from dudes, spot a weave. But the real thing? please go natural.
Wooh Wooh Woooooh Robert…
I have a weave and a good man thanks!!!
lol. Nah, but aint nuttin' wrong with a lil weave here and there. My hair is au-naturale underneath…It's all about variety bruh.
Besides, men always think they don't like weave until they spot a "Chocolate Goddess" with one….
#i'mjustsayin'
Loves it! Man are so quick to say i dont like fake hair, you need to keep it natural. They dont know the difference. When a woman gets a good weave job, men start falling over themselves. feed 'em pork and tell'em its beef, they'll eat it.
hmmm… I get so much more love now that I have given up the relaxer…I don't think I had a relaxer for the right reasons. I am so much more comfortable in my own skin (and hair) now. I am so in love with my natural hair. No one can say anything to me. My new found confidence is evident, and men in particular seem to like it…
I suppose it's less that hoes have perms and more that women with perms might have lower self-esteem. I don't know many women that enjoy enduring hours of sewing in a weave, the discomfort of a burning relaxer, the self imposed fear of all things water related, and the high cost associated with hair care…
We are clearly doing it for other people (whether we believe it or not). We convince ourselves that non-black peers will relate to us better if we look like them. That we will interact better with other black women if we just follow the trend. And we buy into the male fantasy that long flowing silky hair is better and sexier.
i dont agree…im in college for Pharmacy and its too much trouble for me to think of what to do with my hair everyday…let's face it…going natural is a lot of stress and work, i barely have time to myself so mine is not a self confidence issue but more of a what can help me get ready in 10min instead of half hr…no offense take though…most girls do get perms for the wrong reason but mine is more of a time issue…makes my life easier..
Oh man. SBM is starting riots in the '11.
I pray this conversation stays on course today, and we don't drift into the natural hair vs permed hair discussion. This conversation is about ho3s. Not hair. Let's focus on the ho3s.
For the most part I think we can all agree that hoes are shallow, self absorb, easily impressionable. That doesn't mean that all women with relaxed hair have those traits, but ho3s do. And its those traits that are going to lead a hoe toward rocking a weave. If you are not a hoe the choices that led you to the path of dark and lovely are your own, and you don't have to defend you decision to anyone.
so CHeeKZ are you telling me, I need to go natural to not look like a ho3 and attract the right kind of man?
No B!tch, that is just dumb. You need to define your look base off of what looks good on your head. Not some blog and not the black struggle.
Besides, it's not so much that perm = hoe. Its more that natural hair = respectable woman/ angry black woman.
The one caveat that I think people need to look for in 'natural hair sexuality' is the hippie black woman. Sometimes a natural hair woman could be so liberal in beliefs that she is willing to experiment. She is going to let her needs be suppressed by 'the man' and his warp viewed of what a woman should be. This one natural hair chick told my man that she didn't think relationship titles should limit people from connecting physically with whomever . B/C of her hair and pro black image, I don't think people really knew what kind of jumpoff she could have been if the trolls put in more work.
"If you are not a ho3 the choices that led you to the path of dark and lovely are your own, and you don’t have to defend you decision to anyone."
"You need to define your look base off of what looks good on your head. Not some blog…"
CHeeKZ you deserve a treat! NSFW ya'll it's a CHeeKZ treat…for real, you probably shouldn't look… http://bit.ly/gG8JPG
You broke that down! ((((applause))))
CheeKZ, You can be my wing man anytime..
Bullsh!t! You can be mine,
IcemanDeKeLa.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDqlON6Hvfk&fe…
This whole blog has me laughing this morning. I've obviously missed this site over the break. Cheekz, you are just right on point with this — head to toe.
I will co-sign this until my comment comes back from moderation land…it makes some good points.
I sooo agree with you. I gave up my relaxer not to be "pro black" or "righteous", but because the ISHT was burning my dam scalp off!!! People always think that natural hair = pro black and/or confident and/or ethnic when really people go natural for different reasons. Some people do it for the same reasons as me, some ppl hair falls out , some people's hair is rough anyway even with a perm and some just want to try something "new".
I'm saying all this to say a hoe is a hoe. Regardless of what her hair looks like. If she's freaky deaky, then she will be so with locks, kinky twists, or a relaxer. I know PLENTY of nappy headed hoes.. j/k.
"This one natural hair chick told my man that she didn’t think relationship titles should limit people from connecting physically with whomever . B/C of her hair and pro black image, I don’t think people really knew what kind of jumpoff she could have been if the trolls put in more work."
*NaturalHairMeansVirtueSwindle*
That's that bullsh*t right there — looks are deceiving and the worst part about it is women who call themselves neo-soul sistas, liberated, etc. who rock the natural afro, dreads or what have you are usually the most Promiscuous out of the bunch *smh*
Look at Erykah Badu she stays with a natural fro or dreads but ole girl got like 3 or 4 kids by different men but yet you don't hear her being labeled as a hoe or being called The Ultimate Baby Mama but yet Kim Porter has been called such names and her last 3 are by the same dude. (Teef Diddy)
Look at Erykah Badu she stays with a natural fro or dreads but ole girl got like 3 or 4 kids by different men but yet you don’t hear her being labeled as a hoe or being called The Ultimate Baby Mama but yet Kim Porter has been called such names and her last 3 are by the same dude. (Teef Diddy)
hmm…food for thought….
Didn't know Eryka Badu had multiple babies by multiple men #WhoKnew
Lol, I never thought of it this way, but sure, I get less play not b/c men don't like my hair but b/c they know I love and value myself thus am less likely to fall for the okey doke. I've said it before and i'll say it again, when men stop thinking with their peen, the world will improve. #useyourbigheadson
<blockquote cite="comment-196984">
AfroDiva:
Lol, I never thought of it this way, but sure, I get less play not b/c men don’t like my hair but b/c they know I love and value myself thus am less likely to fall for the okey doke.I’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, when men stop thinking with their peen, the world will improve. #useyourbigheadson
True.
Happy New Year SBM Phamily. God bless you all.
Now here's my $19.20. I see your point, and I raise you. Since ditching my lacefront the kind of man that approaches me is very different. Now I cut my hair and instead of a perm I get it pressed and curled. And I cut it to a Rihanna-esqe type of style. Very short on the side and longer on the top.
And the man that approaches me I've found to be more stable in his career, doesn't have his boxers showing, is very respectable in his approach.
So while I agree with you, men I've found are more likely to be open to the women with REAL hair period. And I find it refreshing that when I walk into a club/lounge/event and I don't have fake hair flowing down my back I stand out. I don't fit some mold that all the women look alike in the spot.
And men have become so hair savvy nowadays, I love to get compliments about my hair. It means they are paying attention. And appreciate a woman's individuality.
And there's nothing wrong with the lacefront b/c I do go back/forth. But the response is overwhelmingly better when I rock my real natural hair.
This post is so true and CHeeKZ is right you should be ditching your perm to find a good man because of this post. Black women are a beautiful and diverse group, it the differences between us that make us such an extraordinary group. Me personally I dont look right with a natural do so I rock a perm, but my standards and self confidence are equally matching to all that have decided to go natural.
aww, I'm sure you look perfect with natural hair. it depends on how u style it.
from what i've been hearing on these interwebs, most women get more compliments (or the attention they want) when they rock the natural hair.
Me personally, i'm kind of a shyguy so it's tough for me to approach, but i'm not initially attracted to women w/ natural hair. now if i know a chick and she switches to it, it doesn't lower her rating in my book, but #itIsWhatItIs
I've never had a perm. Since when I blow dry my hair..it gets bone-straight…no one really notices (nor believes) that I don't have a perm. Its when I don't mind getting tossed in the pool or don't mind a guy playing in my hair that people realize I'm 100% natural. When I decide not to blow dry my hair, it gets curly. When I was younger (and EVERYBODY) had a perm…I'd get made fun of. Now guys love that I'm chemical & weave free. It amazes them how one day my head could be full of curls & long and flowing the next. I def do think that Cheekz was on point with his explanation. Unfortunately since my hair is blow dried straight until the summer hits…I still get hit on by the a-holes who assume I have a perm. But once a person gets to know me they realize I'm the strong, very opinionated, back-to-Africa type. I love how so many people are going or staying natural nowadays…it great! Never been prouder & glad us natural girls are generally looked at in a more positive (albeit a more "angry black women") light! Luv the post 🙂
Happy New Year All!
I have been natural for 6 years and have yet to see a decrease in male suitors. However, the way I am approached IS different though.
I actually went natural for about two years…but, I was getting my hair pressed out with a straightening comb so the look was still permed..but, I also would rock a look similar to the one up top…in between getting my hair pressed out….and I got complimented just as much if not more…in fact, when I met my current SO I had the afro krimps in my hair like the lady in the picture…and it didn't stop him from hollering..and it certainly didn't stop alot of men from stepping to me in general….
You mentioned that women who rock naturals are not generally considered easy or hoe'ish enough…but, to me Erykah Badu strikes me as a hoe…I mean she has three different babies by three different men..and is rumored to be pregnant with a fourth…she comes off skankish to me..and don't get me wrong I love her music and all of that..but, I don't think she is giving off the untouchable vibe…now, India Arie and Jill Scott come off differently to me…but, certainly I believe they get their share of attention..they're both absolutely gorgeous…
I said all this to say, that I don't think the texture of the hair matters…natural, permed, or weaved up…its the woman behind the hair and the confidence that she exudes that attracts the man….and honestly, I don't think men are debating in their minds who to holla at based on who is going to be easiest..they are going in the direction of where the p*nis points for them to go…its that simple. Attraction..not hair texture.
"Erykah Badu strikes me as a hoe…I mean she has three different babies by three different men..and is rumored to be pregnant with a fourth…she comes off skankish to me.."
Yep!
" Erykah Badu strikes me as a hoe…she comes off skankish to me"
any woman who doesn't shave her pits could be looked at as stankish.
My other comment is in moderation. HELP.
That never happens to me. lol.
this is an interesting notion. never really looked at it from this point of view and i can't help but to agree.
"The main thing you have to realize about this is we aren’t talking about the guys with scruples."
as long as women understand this point here i don't think anyone should get mad reading this post. i'm not going to say i prefer a woman with natural hair but i do want a woman who's hair looks good on her <del>except for weaves</del>.
"I know someone reading this is mad. I know many people reading this might be mad … but stop, and think about it. Am I wrong?"
not in the least bit. people are gonna get mad.
"Is one of the reason that a dyme with a well kept mini-fro might not get as much play as her lye’d up friend is because of preconceived notions? Not saying it’s right, but is it true?"
i'm trying to think of one video chick with natural hair. let's see…. thinking….thinking….thinking…..
Well, most of the video chicks are of exotic descent..so, they are probably rocking their natural hair indeed…plus a few extensions..but, their natural hair is already at the standard by which all other hair is measured in that industry…..now, you will definitely not see a black video model rocking her natural hair…unless her natural hair is naturally straight and long…its a shame but its true.
Yes, exactly Queen, most people looking for video models with natural hair are probably thinking kinky hair or hair that's in locks. And outside of Musiq or Bilal video you just not going to see that. To me, something about the type of woman who locks her hair doesn't go well with, "Where the Cash at?"
No sir, it doesn't go well at all. 🙂
"now, you will definitely not see a black video model rocking her natural hair.."
i just assumed that we were discussing black women. *shrug*
I've worn my hair natural for years but only within the past 3 years have I grown it out and let it get long. I love natural hair and it's finally to my shoulders but I like that my natural hair is wild and it fits my personality better.
My husband is conservative and would prefer that I just rock the blow out by the Dominican's but he's gotten used to it. I am no longer comfortable if my hair isn't "big" I like big curly hair that moves. Since I've gone natural, two other women in my office have gone natural as well. I have helped them to transition from the perm and have helped them to find the right products.
It really is a personal decision, and I suppose confidence has something to do with it — but I think it's moreso about loving yourself and not being defined by what other people dictate.
I'm not sure how the men feel, I know my sons say smart @$$ stuff when they're pissed at me…you know, like "Oh be quiet Mommy with that Macy Gray hair of yours!" And I'll respond, "I'll be Macy Gray, you wish Macy Gray was as fly as me…you wish your little nappy heads were as pretty as mine!" We all just laugh. Who knows…they're 17 and 15 now so maybe they're just going for the hoe's too!
Woman are not judged by their hair, by other men. Men could care less, if you have a perm or not.If he does care that should make you say hmmm?lol. Its the same as woman with long hair vs short hair. Everyone likes what they like. Its not fair to say natural vs unnatural. Hair is the easy to change, but the person behind the hair is whats important, I would think.:)
Glad you said it. Hair is up there with ugly expensive purses. You all do whatever to upstage other chicks, not necessarily attract us. There are a lot of dudes who will roll up on chicks with wrap rags on their hair. Hell…we roll up on chicks with sweatpants and tshirts in the supermarket when you all aren't all done up.
I was natural a year ago and I've had more than my fair share of ignorant comments from men.
"You're perfect…besides your hair" o_O
"What did you do to your hair?"
"Do you smoke weed now and are you a Black Panther?"
Anyways, I know other natural females and ummm…some of them are just as self-absorbed and unaware as purple wig sporting chicks. The sooner people realize that hair is treated as an accessory, maybe some of these generalizations can come to a halt. You're hair doesn't make you who you are…"deep" or a hoe.
You’re perfect…besides your hair” o_O
Dumb Azz.
Basically
Well damn! I've never had a guy say something like that to me. As a matter of fact, I'm trying to think if I've ever heard any derogatory comments toward my natural hair, hmmm.
But that's just ignorant as hell!
Sometimes I think that women think their hair is like those Jordans. Trust me it ain't the shoes.
I don't really care how a woman rocks her hair as long as it's done. Natural hair, at least with in my circle of acquaintances, has become the in thing to do. I kinda don't like it actually. Not because I'm against women going natural, but because I feel like people are doing it for the wrong reasons. If you wanna go natural because you feel more comfortable without chemically processed hair… great. If you're going natural because you saw someone else do it and you think it's cool… I guess that's great, I'm just not really feeling that.
Natural hair used to be a delineating feature. Like, when I was in college, if a chick had natural hair, you could make certain assumptions about her interests, musical tastes… etc. Now, it's just another way to do your hair.
Lastly, to Cheekz' point – if you're a sexually promiscuous woman with a perm, you're a ho3, if you're a sexually promiscuous woman with natural hair, you're liberated.
"I kinda don’t like it actually. Not because I’m against women going natural, but because I feel like people are doing it for the wrong reasons. If you wanna go natural because you feel more comfortable without chemically processed hair… great."
I was watching Soul Train on Centric yesterday and was amazed at all of the afros. There once was time were perms were NOT the norm. I felt sad that somewhere along the lines we thought there was something better that how we were made.
Regardless of the reasons for going natural, its healthier. What is not to like about being healthy?
I was floored about a week ago when the 6 o'clock news had a segment about why black women SHOULD go natural. Vanity is the last thing on a person's mind when going natural. Yes natural hair looks great, however, the internal and external things you will deal with will challenge you.
"Natural hair used to be a delineating feature. Like, when I was in college, if a chick had natural hair, you could make certain assumptions about her interests, musical tastes… etc. Now, it’s just another way to do your hair." << THIS!!!
Ah.. why not.
I know plenty hoes with natural hair. Hoes don't care about their hair, they know sucking d*ck is their real career move. Hoes be having that popping lip gloss. Either that, or a real great esthetician.
I cannot tell a lie, natural hair… sigh… it's such a dumb conversation. What about the women who's hair is naturally straight? You know what about them? Yep, then they get thrown into a conversation about "good hair." It seems like unless you rocking an afro you just ain't being real. Is your hair really that natural if you apply heat and straighten it out? So you went natural for the healthiness of your hair, but not to avoid the stereotypes about nappy, kinky or tightly curled hair? Come on son, this conversation continues to be ridiculous in my eyes. When will we begin to wake up?
And another thing, men compliment you on your hair when it's natural because it stands out. Permed hair doesn't stand out because it's the norm. Most men are always looking for ways to say, "Need some d*ck" in a woman's language, and when they see natural hair, they make some corny comment about your hair. Don't believe me, why white women always be at your job talking about, "Your hair looks so soft." Yeah, but only weird a*s white people be the ones who actually will lock their hair. They saying that because it's like an ugly baby, you feel inclined to say something nice because it's sort of out of place.
Not me though, my ex walked up to me and was like, "Jay, I went natural. What do you think?" My response, "That was dumb, your hair was perfectly fine before." Don't ask for my opinion and then get mad my opinion, it's the opinion of myself!
The other thing is that when men see a woman rocking a fro or a "natural" style, they think oh this is one of those feminist or pro-Black sisters, I better not do anything stupid like say, "Look at those t*tties." Even though she has her breasts popping out her halter top.
But on the real, please define what someone means by natural hair. Because often times we always see a picture like the one above and not that chick who's been natural for 9 years, but hits up the Dominicans every 2 weeks for that bone straight look.
I'll attempt to answer the question of "what defines natural hair?" Hair that has not been chemically treated. If someone blow dries their hair its still natural…just like if they braid their hair or twist it. You're not born with your hair in braids nor locks but both of those styles are natural if you haven't chemically treated your hair. So if you blow dry it straight it can still be natural.
Dr. J, it is what it is I guess. This was the topic today so everyone was compelled to respond in-kind — but only you would refer to it as "an ugly baby" — OK, Dr. J…OK…
@RedLady –
I wasn't referring to it, I was comparing it to an "ugly baby". Don't front, you feel compelled to say something when your coworker comes in with an ugly baby. You can't just be like, "I'm so happy for you… [somebody take this baby]." You say something like, "Oh he has his father's lips, I can tell those weed smoking lips anywhere."
@ Dr. J…I'm laughing as usual…you are such a trip…yeah, I get it…
Hair is hair…whether kinky, coily, straight, etc. Anything added to change the texture is when it becomes other than natural.
If you have naturally straight hair great, naturally kinky hair great, naturally no hair, even better. I pray that we are not going to start a heated debate over whose hair is nappier because that is not what being natural is about.
If people actually knew how relaxers "relaxed hair" then it would not by such a mystery as to why people are opting to go natural. That stuff is killing people!
I am not against relaxers at all. I used to rock one. However as I got older and learned more about products I just had to do better for myself and my children.
Not too mention the mentality behind why I ever had a relaxer. I would love to say that my mom did it because….(not sure what is a good reason). I know she did it because she was trained to think that relaxed hair was easier to manage (not true), and better looking (so not true). Those reasons make me sad that some of us feel that way about our crowns. Somewhere along the way, we lost the ability to care for our hair in its natural state. That should bother people even though it does not. No other group of people do this to themselves so why is it okay for us.
I used to laugh (still do) at dudes that would process their hair…I often wondered if people look at me the same.
no offense intended but…please!!! i took organic chemistry hard core..i know what is happening to my hair….but coffee is bad we still drink it, fat is bad but ppl be eating that mcdonalds like they cant get enough, smoking is bad but people are still smoking hardcore while hacking their lungs out…just like many things, its bad if its over done…i for one have a rule I get 4 perms in a year, if it aint three months im not perming..my hair is good, i dont care if i have growth its my hair..i get hit on dont matter……its not about hair its about confident and how you carry yourself…..i know people are giving many reasons why to go natural..but to me its your choice, when people wanna lose weight they do it b/c they want to, they dont try to make anyone lose weight too so this should just be like that, do it if you want and if you dont want to…power to you too!!!!!!
I must say that this comment amused me. lol
I agree with Cheekz and everyone else that said the post shouldn't really be that offensive…
Agree 100%..think as long as one is happy with their hair whether natural/permed/relaxed..enjoy. Personally i prefer long healthy real hair(not lace fronts or weaves). And it is a myth the whole natural hair is healthy idea, if you dont take care of your hair well…it will show..
Just because you have natural hair doesnt mean you cant have ho-like tendencies.
Men love natural hair!
I stopped perming and straightening over 5 years ago. Many of my closest friends have joined me and it definitely has not slowed down attracting any men.
I believe most of the natural hair negativity is really about short hair versus long.
Most men love long hair. When you go natural, you should cut your hair off. This is the scary part for most people. Please believe, THATS when the negative reactions come. When that natural hair starts getting long, folks "ohh and ahh" because it truly is a beautiful thing (and length is no longer an issue).
Overall, I think most men don't get to see African-American women rocking healthy, well-taken care of natural hair often enough to get a good gauge of the many different styles and looks it offers.
I think you may be right. short hair shocks a lot of men, especially if it is a drastic cut. lol
Yep, I was going to mention this as well. Like, for instance, my Dad doesn't care if my mom's hair is relaxed, in a weave, or au naturel.. what he ain't tryna have is her rocking short hair. Sucks for her cuz she loves her some scissors, but she's willing to sacrifice them to keep her boo happy.
Hmm, yeah interesting and cosmic timing seeing as I plan to go natural (and probably for good…I've been bagginfoaf) this year. Not sure of the exact time, but it will be this year.
I'm looking forward to not being hit on LESS, but being hit on differently. *pops gum*
I’m looking forward to not being hit on LESS, but being hit on differently. *pops gum* — (!!! Yep !!!!)
THIS!!! WOW…
I get action either way but men and women seem to make a big deal out of my hair *shrugs*
Although I no longer relax my hair when I do wear it astraight people say they like it better curly *double shrug*
How about this I am the same curly or straight no trolls allowed!
Love women with natural hair #yeah
Anyone can be a hoe if they try hard enough…that's a given. Lol. No need to go back and forth on whether folk with perms or naturals are hoe's…we know hoeing has nothing to do with the hair and everything to do with the love below.
I'll say as a natural haired chick, I do get hit on. BUT, by a totally different type of man than I did when I was rocking the perm. I attract more men of other races, and men that are significantly older than I am. Now when I straighten my hair…the one's I used to attract come around, and tell me to "keep it like that" or "your hair looks so much better this way". Needless to say, they don't get much play.
My hair is just that…hair. But if you chose to ASSume something about me and the type of partner I'd be based on the style I choose to rock it in…so be it. It ain't my fault when that assumption is wrong. "Inquire within". There was no major life event or enlightment that occured that caused me to go natural, so I've let down a few "concious" menfolk who've expected me to smoke cloves and recite poetry…ah well!
"so I’ve let down a few “concious” menfolk who’ve expected me to smoke cloves and recite poetry…ah well!"
See (dying laughing) this is why I love this site!
🙂
My hair is just that…hair. But if you chose to ASSume something about me and the type of partner I’d be based on the style I choose to rock it in…so be it. It ain’t my fault when that assumption is wrong. “Inquire within”. There was no major life event or enlightment that occured that caused me to go natural, so I’ve let down a few “concious” menfolk who’ve expected me to smoke cloves and recite poetry…ah well!
'Namsayin'?
*thumbs up* I am not my hair!!! 🙂
I personally don't like getting hit on, so if I got hit on less as a result of the 1 year and some that I had my hair natural, yay me. To be honest, I actually received quite a few favourable comments from black guys in general, because they seemed to appreciate the fact that a black woman was embracing her natural hair. I liked it, but I was also quick to remind some of them who wanted to jump into weave-bashing that I may very well be in one the next time they saw me. My current avatar speaks for itself.
I had a guy tell me that he doesn't generally like it when women sport 'fros and such, but that he liked the way it looked on me. Methinks a lot of times, it simply boils down to a matter of preference. I don't think a lot of guys walk up to some girls thinking they're going to be easier because they're rocking some long Remi Indian hair like them video hoes. Nay, I think it's simply because it's what appeals to them the most, on average.
I love women with natural hair and have even sent random emails to women on FB who are rocking it naturale and looking good! Alas, when I'm out in public, the mass majority of women are rocking some trendy style they saw Keyshia Cole do, or one of those ridiculous Nikki Minaj wigs. I've dropped some of my angst towards weave rockers because I do realize some of ya'll serious need hair help…however, I cannot say it is something that gets and keeps my attention.
There are few naturale headed women that I really enjoyed being with. The fact I was able to run my fingers through their hair and grab it gently (hehe), the way it smelled and how it curled up in when wet…nothing like it. Natural hair taps into my more sensual side than someone slapping a silly looking hair hat on their head. As far as approaching…well…look approachable.
The first time I went natural was about 10 years ago. What's funny is when I cut all my hair off I got hit on CONSTANTLY. Men were coming out the woodwork. Lol With long hair, I think I looked much younger and would frequently just throw it up in a ponytail. Once I cut it, it made me look more mature and I think I may have just attracted a different group of men. I LOVED the short natural cut and it boosted my self confidence a bit so I think that attracted men as well. I recently went back to the short cut this summer and STILL love it. No more permed, damaged from the heat and chemicals hair for me. It so much healthier to rock the natural hair.
I totally agree with you on this one Goddess. I went through the transitional stage by cutting off all of my hair as well and boy did I attract people. The difference is I attracted a whole new group of people, men and woman alike. The lesbians came out of the wood works and the men were alot more mature and open minded.
At the time when I went natural I kept coming across articles about how men perceive women with curly hair as being more aggressive and difficult than women with straight hair, and as a result, natural girls get much less attention from men.
I don't know if the curly hair/aggressive personality connection is accurate or not, but I do know that when I wear my hair curly girls are nicer to me but men don't want to know about me and when I blow it out I get pure stinkeyes but the men are much more friendly.
I'm laughing at this because I have curly hair and I'm alittle aggressive…not alot doe. lolol I've always worn my natural hair whether it be curly or flat ironed straight. Either way, I get hit on and either way women stay hating with the stink eye. We can't win. I just think Black women need to get over the whole hair issue.
I dont understand the beef with natural hair. I've been natural, with the exception of some waves creams, my entire life. If it looks good rock it!
*waits*
I read "waves" as "weaves". Oi.
When you see a *cough* Black woman *cough* hating on natural do's, unless the girl looks like Don King or Buck Wheat, it's often times just jealousy cause she can't rock her natural hair.
Funny enough, that's not always the case. I have friends whose natural hair is healthier and more beautiful than mine, but most people wouldn't know that because all they see is weave hopping. I got annoyed a couple of times because they'd look at me and ask when I was "finally" going to do something with my hair. They can rock theirs, but they feel as though they constantly need to be doing something (braids, weave, etc) with it.
I have very soft hair, and it can be a good or bad thing. It's also not as thick as I would've liked, so although I had women with thick hair envying the way I could rock my lil fro 'puff, I was somewhat limited in what I could do. I enjoyed being able to rock my hair fully au naturel (it'd previously been permed & then in braids pretty much all my life), but most people who know me will tell you that curls really suit my face. Unfortunately, my hair takes ages to grow, and since it isn't all that thick, there are certain hairstyles I can only achieve by the power of weave. Sucks, but meh. I definitely get why guys love natural hair, though..shoot, I couldn't get enough of playing with my own hair, and I always loved playing with my boos' hair.
My cousin has the exact same hair as you. She uses a diffuser to get volume. (if you wear it curly) I also see volumizers for straight hair. I don't know if they truly workk though. I actually have alot of hair and wish mine was a little thinner so yeah the grass is always greener on the other side. 🙂
I never talk badly about weave even though I've never worn, I know women who look 10x better with it so I can't hate on any upgrades. I also see tacky weave all the time. Like you said, it's whatever fits your face. I just wish black women didn't let our hair define us like we do and hate on each other's hair so much.
Lol, innit though?
But yeah, black women do stay trippin' off the hair for no good reason. Mind you, a lot of black men need to sit their asses down on the issue as well. If it's a matter of preference then cool, leave it at that. Don't try to act as though every woman with weave, wig or braids is suffering from self esteem or image issues. Women in Africa have been dealing with braids and such for centuries. Some women do go overboard, but some dudes stay trying to play psychologist. I'm the one with that degree, so cool on that. lol I sound like I'm mad, but it's a general reaction from things I've read and heard over time.
Hmmmm I find this curious. I've been natural since birth so getting hit on has never changed per se. If I'm curly I get hit on a lot more than when I'm straight. I can never tell why though because I'm 10 times more sassy and seductive straight.
I will say that I get more less disrespectful attention. Not too many BM will "ay girl" me, so that's good. I find that I get WAY more attention from non-BM, specifically WM than BM as a natural.
I can see what SBM is saying though. Now that my hair is much longer, I DO get BM who speak to me, but it's always respectfully. I'm not at the clubs like that, so I don't know how that'd play out, but I'm not checking for dudes at the clubs anyway, so that's a moot point.
As far as the consensus from the SBM Research laboratory, I agree with the last two. The first one, I can't cosign. That's actually not true, LOL, for the majority of natural hair women. I'm definitely not connected to any other struggle except the struggle to be a single BW in America. That is a constant struggle and was always the case whether I was relaxed or natural. The chemicals or lack of, didn't change the "connection with the struggle." I actually think that's kind of funny.
My beard is natural hair.
oh thats saxy boo lol
Maybe you can start a new trend by perming itm, LOL. A trendsetter is always respected!
X-D !
i went natural and its the only thing ppl had the confidence to follow me on…which is funny cuz they couldnt even sustain that.
"man nvm this is hard!!!"
-another 5 friends cut for being soft-
I was natural for 6 years and regretfully permed my hair about 5 months ago. I am now on my way back to my natural beauty! I got hit on the same way because I am extremely feminine and sensuous(as most scorpios) by nature. Sensuality is very important in attracting the opposite sex. I believe if a woman is natural and still posess these qualities she will still get hit on by men. My observation is that alot of natural women tend to take on a dark look that they may believe is consistant with the natural look. This look can lead to a woman seeming less feminine, confident and sensual. Ladies if you are natural and not exactly the male magnet, then work on some feminine touches ex. perfume, colors worn, the style of your hair, showing off your best features, maybe a lil make up etc.. Also a good book to read is "The Sensuous Woman" By J.
"A sensuous woman is ‘virginal’; i.e. the true meaning of virgin is to be whole and fully contained. You can see a sensuous woman by the way she moves. A sensuous woman is one fully inhabiting her body and senses. She is very present in the moment, aware of the feelings in her body. She moves with a natural grace and power, which radiates from her spine, her womb and her heart. Her head is held high and her eyes see far. She is flirtatious and playful, wise and capable, sexy and spirited.” ~Naree Shields
Btw, I know the girl in the picture used for this article and this is a natural weave as she is a hair weave model. This goes to show you that natural can be sexy and some woman want to be natural, so they wear natural looking weaves until they can get their own to look similar.
Am I the only dreads wearer on the site?
Anywho, funny post, SBM!! The one thing I loved when I first went natural was the men who approached me. Not only was I approached more, but I was approached by a better quality of man, and I was approached by a lot of non-black men. Now, when I first got the locks, my numbers went down because my hair was short, and you couldn't really tell what the heck I was doing. lol. And as they've gotten longer, I'm getting the same attention from the same brothas who like the 'fro, but now, the lil' ninjas have also come back into the fold. lol.
My only problem with relaxers is that it is a caustic chemical that can, and probably will, do you some harm, and I would rather black women do whatever they can to be as healthy as possible. Besides, you can always straighten your natural hair without chemicals…
And….you are beautiful with your locs N.I.A! Love the positive reinforcement too.
Did you see Chris Rock's movie Good Hair and what the eff is actually in perm? MY GAWD. I will never ever ever let that touch my scalp. It burnt through chicken!
I'm late… but I'm locked too. 9 months!!
I've found that since I've gone natural (for about 9 years now) I not only receive more compliments but I also get approached by more guys. Even the White boys tryna holla! I think there is an image of confidence that's projected. *Kanye Shrug*
I LOVE natural hair women!! As a matter of fact its a preference of mine and thats the 100% truth. Not to say that I wouldn't date a lady with a weave and such, but its something about a female with natural hair that gets me weak in the knees LoL.
I was natural for 5 years (your typical "go off to college, learn about yourself, try something different" ish) and the "aye girl, looking good withcholl Jill Scott/Macy Gray/Angie Stone/Erykah Badu looking self" got really old.
LOVE them, but aint no one tryna smash them broads. Lemme find out my fro is c*ckblocking me. I just can't bring myself to a lacefront, and havent worn a weave since HS. Mama nooooo!
I forgot about Erykah's h*shit, because I was going to say: funny how dudes are more reluctant to holler at us natural women with some typical ignant ish because we're perceived to have more "self value" but will sh*t on a chick with kids. y'all (collective y'all) the ones knocking these h*es up.
Iont see a lot of natural babymamas out on these streets of Harlem / Bx / Brooklyn so… yeah. ax about it. On the other hand… I don't need you to me the funk in my right all the time. Sometimes I just want you to make it rain, trick.
On another note… I've ALWAYS been hit on by older men, and it increased with the natural hair. Guess what, older men? It's intimidating and awkward. I can't remember the last time someone my age (+/- 2 years) tried to holla.
I have to agree with most of the ladies here. I went natural a few years ago but no one noticed because I was still getting my hair pressed. When I started rocking my Foxy Brown (the big curly fro that is my hair) men and women paid attention! Wearing big hair makes you stand out but it also seems to attract a lot of men to you. For me it seems to be some sort of aphrodisiac, they want to touch it and feel it. I haven't gotten a comment from a man or woman yet about them not liking it or thinking it was less than desirable. I'm guessing that their perception is if I am confident enough with myself to wear my hair natural, big and flowing then I deserve a second look and need to be spoken to.
I believe someone before said that "it keeps the riff raf away" but sadly it hasn't kept the young boys away. Apparently 19 and 20 year olds are interested in the natural movement too.
"Apparently 19 and 20 year olds are interested in the natural movement too." —- OMG so true!!! I've been hit on by so many younger dudes, 10, 12, 16 years younger than me.
I would def have to say that I get approached more now than when I wore my hair relaxed. Its mostly by older men which I like because I feel like they are bold enough to stray away from that stereotypical European style of hair. I think I had sort of a bougie look when my hair was relaxed because guys would always be surprised that I wasn't stuck up after meeting me. Too many times with my relaxed hair guys would say, "I thought you were going to be stuck up". I have not heard that once since I've been natural. It is def working in my favor
I like this post…I went natural more than once in my 3 decades of life and surprisingly, although it was a hard choice (I wouldn't say I have "good hair" nor is my hair thick enough for a good black power fro) I got noticed. I'd like to think that it brought focus to my actual face. Lol
Crazy thing was the attention came from all races. I can't say I stuck with it, but this post reminded me of those good ol' days. Maybe I'll try it again sometime.
I just want to know…where did you get your basis that hoes have perms? Because I myself know of a few hoes that have very natural hair. This article is well written but confusing, because on one hand you seem to say that men don't hit on women with natural hair because of stereotypes that are associated with women of natural hair…but then you go on to make an inaccurate assessment of what kind of hair hoes have, or that permed hair makes you look easy. It's my assessment that hoes come in all hair types and shapes, despite the image associated with those hair types. If you could explain what you meant clearer to me, I would appreciate it!
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I have natural hair and got hit on by men just the same as when I had relaxed hair. And I have that nappy 4a/b tightly coiled and kinky texture. And I'm a dark skinned sista'.
I have been natural since Nov 09 and get more attention. White men, random men period just come up to me and tell me it looks nice. I did wonder how (or if ) it would impact men I met or dated but it hasn't. I make it a point to style my hair and yes I wear it straight every few months, but most times it is curly, pinned up, funky and fly. I feel better about myself than I did when I was the once a week salon type. Yeah…with natural hair I still pull em lol my face didn't change, or body for that matter, it's just hair.
You make many interesting points but think about the fact that Khia has dreads and Amber Rose is bald….that kinda debunks this theory.
True, brah! I've been saying that all along. Sexual harassment is NOT about attraction. It is about showing a lack of respect for womyn with loose morals, a preconceived, sexist, misogynist based notion of womyn we got to modify. The quality guys will not hoot and holla! I've been saying that all along. When I was a weave wearer, mofos were in my face even when my obvious weave is obvious weave needed a serious tune up and reconstructive surgery. Now, I get more respect…and lovin' it!
Also, we need to change our respect for womyn. The same can be said about our attire and no we don't deserve to get raped based on what we wear just as the hair should have nothing to do with or define how the womyn really is. Regardless of what we wear, we deserve respect and not to be put into this whore/ virgin complex of virgin/loose womyn that men such as yourself don't put yourself into. I really see your point. I really do, but don't let the whore/ virgin complex language muddle it. Also, most white guys I see with black womyn are with natural black womyn. Interesting. Go figure.
Wow! Single Black Male, i realise that this is your blog and I understand that you are entitled to your opinion… however this is the stupidest, saddest bunch of crap I ever read in my life. Can we please move beyond the hair??? OMG!!!! I hope you got that out of your system once and for all and are moving on important issues!! Maybe you have already written a blog on how folks can buy a house or build a retirement acct or invest on the stock market. I know these subjects are not as "interesting'" as this one, but gheesh!!!!! Come on and stop the madness people!!!!
I just had this conversation with my friend the other day because I was like I get hit on more now that I'm natural (been natural for 7 months). I can't go outside without a guy stopping me and wanting my number. I used to get hit on when I had a perm, but now it's ridiculous. I don't think it's my hair only, but my build, too, but I had the same build when I had a perm. My friend said maybe it's because guys think I have confidence and confidence is sexy or that i'm not a slave to my hair so their imagination runs wild with what I can do with them lol I don't know.
………lol this is funny….I have pulled soooooooooooo many looks when I stop wearing weave for a month to see what kind of treatment my hair like cause "koytoy" (my hair's name) been trippin lately. Men like confidence. If a man is on that "dumb dumb"/"negro PLEASE" bull jive, lol weave or natural hair, he won't approach you, because he's not sure what he wants himself.
So the moral of the story is that some black men do not know what to do, how to handle, or how to approach a naturalista. Rather than figure it out, Its easier to stick to what's been working -which is the regular, usual game. A game which you've perfected over time, right? And at that moment when you peep a woman, your secondary brain is running the show. Why change the formula when its still works? If it ain't broke, don't fix it? I get it….
Guess I am on the opposite end of the spectrum. I have been attracting more men…especially of other races now that I've stopped perming my hair. I think it has a lot to do with confidence. A lot of women, especially new naturals are still unsure of themselves and how they look to others with their new uncharted hair texture. As much as the natural community waxes poetic about going against the European standard of beauty it is easier said than done. I was in the same boat – so I decided to fake it till I made it. I acted uber-confident. Walked down the street with my head held high and swayed my hips like I knew I had it …and you best believe I was called everything from "Afro Thuda to African Queen and Ms. Black Power." White and Hispanic guys dig me all of a sudden now, too. It's all about confidence and if you never had it….cutting off all your hair and rocking a fro aint gonna help it.
I did however have a guy I was dating tell me that he wasn't going to take me out till i did something with my hair (IE: flatiron) even though I had spent an hour on my hair b4 he came and got the thumbs up from several ppl. So he got kicked out of my apt and for a pick me up I went to the bar and let some guy buy me drinks. 😉
My recent post Cease and Desist
I'm pretty sure that the amount of action you get depends a lot on your personality. And like @MsTADOWW said, if you never had confidence in the first place, natural hair isn't gonna change anything. When people begin to understand that hair is just hair, and that it isn't always about racial insecurity, then people will stop passing judgment. People seem to forget that people of all races wear wigs, get weaves, perm their hair, straighten it, etc. If people ask me if my hair is real or not, I'm not gonna be ashamed of it, and guys definitely appreciate that confidence as well. If it's a weave, I'll tell them it's a weave, because I'm not ashamed of my "real hair" either. People also need to understand that people do different things to their hair for different reasons. For example, my hair was damaged, and I cut it very short so that it could grow back healthier. I don't like the way it looks right now, so yes, I'm gonna put weaves and wigs on. In fact, I like changing it up, and I'm gonna wear the weaves and wigs until my hair grows to a length that I'm confortable with. People shouldn't be judged based on their hair; they should be judged based on their personality. After all, what's on the inside is what lasts the longest.
Honestly, since I went natural I've gotten hit on more. Its about the confidence you exude and the way your hair is kept. If you ARE going to measure your beauty by the amount of guys that hit on you (which you shouldn't) then allow me to make one suggestion. Try measuring by the TYPE of guy not the Number of guys because if you are getting hit on by dead beats and rejects everywhere you go do you really feel accomplished. If something so little as your hair can intimidate the man then he is not worth you at all.