It’s interesting hearing what people have to say when it comes to the topic of rejection. Depending on when it rears its ugly head, the definitions and reactions to it change. If we’re talking about a job, people typically make comments like “I didn’t want that gig anyway.” If we’re talking about getting into a college, people often respond with “I didn’t wanna go there anyway. That was just a safety school.” For those of us that really wanted that job or admission into the university of choice, we are left reading a letter and saying “f*ck.” However, when it comes to dating, men are the ones that are supposed to expect it, embrace it, and enjoy it as they hunt women they probably won’t end up taking seriously after they get dressed in the morning or that same night.
I wrote a post a few weeks ago about my lack of desire to chase after women. The basic point of the post was that I don’t have time for games and antics. The sub-point was that dating, courting, chasing, or whatever you want to call it shouldn’t fall more so on one gender than the other. Feedback online as well as away from the keyboard has been mixed. I was talking to one of my lady friends over the holidays and she shared the same sentiment as many of the women that read the post. “Men are supposed to approach and aggressively court women. It’s nice to have someone that’s confident enough to come up to you and show that they’re interested. It’s great to have someone pursuing you regardless of your initial response as long as they don’t get crazy.”
I agree. I really do. However, what about men? Are we not entitled to have the same feelings about women that approach us and spark a conversation? Is it not cool for us to have a woman be like “Hey, I noticed you standing here by yourself at the bar and just wanted to come over and say hello”? I think that’s fine. The tradition of courting has been morphed—or maybe it’s evolved—or maybe it’s in hospice care. We’re in the era of “I can do good all by myself” so the game just isn’t the way that it used to be. Accept it like a FB friend request from someone you actually know.
One of the comments I got repeatedly on the post was that a man that doesn’t want to court or chase a woman is insecure or has esteem issues. My response to that is a question: Couldn’t the same be said for a woman that is hiding her inability to deal with rejection by saying it’s a man’s job? Sounds like a copout using an increasingly obsolete “norm” if you ask me.
Initiating a conversation has always been a 2-way street. There have been times where I tried to talk to women and their responses were less than engaging. Perhaps they just weren’t feeling me. I shrugged it off and kept it moving. It happens. In other situations, I’ve reached out to women and they’ve ignored my texts, calls, emails, and any other communication that I’ve tried to spark. Once again, it was what it was; well, that was until I eventually found out they liked me and wondered why I hadn’t followed up.
When it comes to relationships or the opportunity for, rejection isn’t something that should be left for men solely because of chromosome makeup. This “A real man gets shot down and keeps it moving. At least he tried.” business is bullsh*t. Well, maybe it isn’t bullsh*t, but it’s a responsibility that should be shared by real women.
If you consider yourself ambitious, you should meet rejection and failure at the coffee shop every now and then. If you can take the steps to hustle yourself to the top of an organization, get that book published, or get that dream gig, then you can take the chance and start a conversation with the person that caught your eye rather than waiting for them to notice your ambiguous signal. Well, that’s if you envision a family in your future before the egg factory in Fallopia, Wyoming shuts down for good.