Home Women Women can’t handle the truth

Women can’t handle the truth

159

Before any of you ask, yes I’m mad. I was initially going to write a completely different post today, but reading Slim’s post yesterday on rejection, and the ensuing comments, was the straw that broke the camel’s back [||]. All throughout the blogosphere, no matter what type of relationship/lifestyle/dating blog, I see that women look for a window into the male psyche. They want to know men’s opinions, what men think, their motives for certain actions, and the all encompassing “why”. I see a lot of the male bloggers post either their opinion, or a consensus of their beliefs about women, or just straight up give real talk to women on these views, only to see women go ape sh*t with negative responses! I’m not saying that having a diverging opinion on a topic is wrong, but its almost as if you are upset for a man thinking like a man. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks and I had an epiphany:

Women can’t handle the truth about men!

What’s funny is y’all will probably disagree, but yeah I’m convinced. Somewhere in the purgatory that lies between expectations and reality, stands women who believe that their perception of men SHOULD be identical, but get frustrated when the reality is totally different.  It comes out in arguments, blog comments, behavioural patterns, even in pop culture! I even remember last year when we had our now infamous “You Mad?!” week, where we were accused of woman bashing, when in fact we were doing what women do about men from the time they come out the womb: VENTING! This is not a generalization but an observation that I had for a while. Allow me to expound upon this topic further:

See Also:  It Does A Body Good

Women think men think all the same, and discredit their opinions on relationships

For years, we’ve been force fed the notion of men being “simple creatures” and women being “emotional creatures”. I hate these terms as much as I hate seeing “Bad Girls Club” tweets on my timeline while I’m trying to watch the BCS championship! We here so much about “what men want” and “what women go through to give it to them”, that it almost seems like our opinion is always met with a O_0 and a “yeah aite”. I think that it’s a built in “kanyeshrug” from women to downplay our views on these topics because frankly, you think you are better at this dating/relationship life than men and since you are the “experts” or “most experienced”, our word isn’t as valuable.

Think about this though, all those questions you ask, those crazy situations, those wtf moments when you don’t know how a relationship broke down or why a dude stepped out on you? Well, some of us have been THAT dude, lived THAT life, and know THOSE motives behind the actions. Some of us have seen these situations unfold from watching our boys go through it and give their perspective. Some have friends just like you who go through the struggle  and have great advice. We, as men, have an insider knowledge for you to have a better understanding, similar to on the job experience and wisdom, so wouldn’t we have a better perspective than you?

See Also:  #YesAllWomen and #AllMenCan Takeover Twitter and Spark Conversation

Women get upset when men give them a perspective they hoped was wrong

You might have given it up too quickly. You might have called a dude an hour after getting his number. Maybe you had sex with 5 dudes in one night, put it on camera, and posted it to your Tumblr account. For whatever reason, you may think these actions shouldn’t make you any less appealing to men, yet when a man tells you either face to face, during a happy hour, or in blog comments that he would never date a woman like that, you get mad! It’s like your worries were confirmed and now you lash out! Yes, those examples were extreme, but think of the woman who asks her boyfriend if she’s fat. When he confirms, he’s the @sshole right? That’s so wack to me!

Listen ladies, there are HELLA dudes out here who are hittin you with more G than a little bit. They’re gonna lie man they really don’t care, they’ll tell you women whatever you wanna hear! You should respect the fact that real dudes will tell you what men are thinking and why they have that perspective. If you want to converse and try to find middle ground, then great! However, to sit and deny that there may be truth and logical standing for his theorems is being childish and naive.

See Also:  Date That Man: 6 Reasons Girl Code Should Be the Exception, Not the Rule in Dating

In closing, communication is a two-way street. Don’t demonize men because we have an opinion or our point of view on things. When you have an opportunity to pick a man’s brain, especially if he’s a friend, your brother, your father, or even a random blogger like myself, those dudes will tell you the real because there’s no vested interest for them, as opposed to dudes you date/smash.  Sometimes, well most of the time the truth hurts. The question you have to ask yourself is “does ignorance and naivety hurt more?”

FIN

Comment(159)

  1. Delurking for a moment

    I'm not upset at anything in this post. ALL true. However (at least with me) it's not so much that I can't handle the truth and get upset about it but more so that the truths you enlighten us with are just confusing as hell. I'm more often just plain baffled than angry at being wrong about how different men think than we do or think the opposite of what WE think they do. Gotta love being kept guessing though…

    1. THanks For Delurking!

      I think sometimes people are confusing in general and a lot of situations vary, but all you can do is listen and analyze. either way you'll have a better POV than you did before!

  2. (can't believe I'm still awake)

    As far as the post: No contest. No argument. No dissent.

    Got a homegirl who says she would leave her husband for her male best friend — says that they didn't end up together because he didn't want to be together when she did. Her words about the BF were: "I told him that if he loved me, then he would have married me." Apparently, ol boy didn't disagree.

    Just looked at her and said — OK, if what you say is true then … he doesn't love you.

    You might've thought I slapped her. (Even woman to woman talks don't go over well).

  3. Good post!

    But in other news. Regarding this part of the post:

    Maybe you had sex with 5 dudes in one night, put it on camera, and posted it to your Tumblr account.

    You know, SOMEONE might get their hopes up, click on that Tumblr hyperlink and expect to see some girl's Tumblr account with a video of her getting knocked off by 5 dudes in one night as alluded to in the sentence above. Upon finding this to be an inaccurate summation they might even come back to this very blog feeling disappointed, perturbed, hoodwinked and led a stray and go immediately to the comments section to complain about this misleading advertisement!

    Not that I'm saying that happened to me…..but it could definitely happen to someone.

  4. I don’t think that it is a case of women being unable to handle the truth… I think it is a case of whether or not we trust the source.

    Take yesterdays post for example, women sited fathers, brothers and friends who have told them that chasing men in no bueno… advice in direct opposition to the post.

    So who should they listen to a guy who perhaps has a vested interest in getting them to compromise the values of friends and family or men with a proven track record of having their best interest at heart.

    I know which I would choose.

    And isn’t the truth relative to the goals of the person providing you with the honest opinion.

    If a guy has an agenda to make you more comfortable with doing the heavy lifting in a relationship so that he has greater access to a larger pool of women who are willing to take the lion share of the responsibility for dating so that he can be free to pursue a large number of women with less stress, burden and no real skin in the game… should that be the guy that you take “you should approach men” advice from.

    Because real talk it isn’t guys who are in long term committed relationships or married that are telling you to approach men or that you need to face the same rejection so you make the playing field easier for them for example.

    It is the guy who wants women to make it easier for him to score that offers this “truth”.

    I don’t know why the women who say “uh no son” should bother you because there are many, many women out there willing to co-sign a variety of truths because they align with their core beliefs and values.

    What I don’t understand is why can’t you celebrate the chicks who got your back and are down for your truth… why do the women who say “uh no son” the ones who pizz you off so much.

    Could it be that the truth is men aren’t interested in women who aren’t falling for game and bullsh*t ~JS

        1. I did indeed mean "cite"… but I still bend your comment over with no reach around…

          and no coffee for you… lol

          Thank you and good morning in return ~JS

    1. I think it is because women can't handle the truth… Why? First of all, your statment of "a proven track record of having their best interest at heart"… The truth is that many women don't know which men has their best interest at heart and, even, if such women do know the truth of which men do, such women at times choose not to heed the truth given by men in their lives who have "a proven track record of having their best interest at heart" Second of all, women have egos just like men, and truth has a way of hurting ego at times… Nuff said there… Third, most women lie to themselves or learn to live with the confusion of themselves and expect the world to "live with their lies and confusion" because they think "the kitty makes the rules". The truth is not relative to the goals of the person providing you with the honest opinion–it is what it is… Truth don't give a fuck about "vested interest"–truth is not pure entertainment. Truth don't give a fuck about whether your a man or a woman–it is what it is. Truth don't give a fuck how you feel about it because, regardless, of how you feel, it is what it is. Truth don't give a fuck if you deny it–because it'll be right there waiting on you to accept it when you finally do accept it. I find it interesting that many women equate men listening to them as doing what they say yet refuse to give common courtesy to live by their own philosophy of listening.

      I'm going to end this with a quote from a comment in another blog on another site… "…Who does the majority of the talking typically in a relationship? NOT the man usually… Even though there are things he WANTS to say and NEEDS to say. Speaking of which, are you saying in this e-article that a man ONLY speaks WHAT a woman wants to hear WHEN she wants to hear? Just because a man CHOOSES to be a companion to his woman doen’t mean he is an ENTERTAINER to his woman. IF a woman TRULY means what she says about wanting a man who is REAL with her, that means she WILL be receptive of him telling her off in terms of TRUTH. Whether it be in compliments or not. Whether she wants to hear THE TRUTH or not. Whether or not it’s WHEN she’s expecting her man to show her how beautiful or important she is to him. And, whether or not it’s HOW she’s expecting her man to show her how beautiful or important she is to him. Speaking of truth, a man’s heart is NOT to be taken lightly, and, definitely, what a man says AND DOES concerning his heart of his woman is NOT to be taken lightly. A woman who takes such PRICELESS things of her man for granted has crowned herself the QUEEN of fools…"

      1. Real talk…

        I guess that I have been blessed with some solid upright dudes in my family and those I call friend who have given me solid advice.

        Regardless of the emotional impact.

        I base this on their track record with women and results achieved taking their advice… personally I am a big believer in doing what works.

        I think that it is foolish for people to listen to anyone who dispenses advice without anything to back it up.

        Who are you going to take entrepreneurial advice from Bill Gates or a homeless dude

        The truth is not always a numbers game because a 100 broke dudes offering advice that conflicts with the advice of Bill Gates does not increase the validity or the weight of their point of view. It may only serve to illustrate why so many stay broke and losing.

        My point wasn’t a blanket dismissal of an opinion… I just simply raised the question should you listen to someone who has something to gain from giving you advice that runs contrary to what you have been told by those who are closest to you and want you to win.

        As I said I am results driven… if the advice has been proven to work I give it consideration… and I don’t think that women in general are any different.

        I do agree that people in general have a tendency not to listen to the truth for emotional reasons…

        But I am not buying the notion that general consensus = universal truth without something to back it up. ~JS

        1. You make a good point about doing what works. There are plenty of guys that comment here that do "what works" and yet we are looked at as foolish men all the same.

        2. Now I don't need to write anything cause it's all right here and in the next few you wrote below. lol. I agree!

    2. Jhane Sez: "I don’t think that it is a case of women being unable to handle the truth… I think it is a case of whether or not we trust the source."

      True enough. But this…

      "So who should they listen to a guy who perhaps has a vested interest in getting them to compromise the values of friends and family or men with a proven track record of having their best interest at heart…And isn’t the truth relative to the goals of the person providing you with the honest opinion."

      …doesn't follow. I have a girlfriend. I haven't personally met any other commenters here. The only person who comments here regularly that lives within 500 miles of me is Max, and she's in a different country. I'm not trying to get with any woman that comments here, neither are most of the other male commenters. So what "vested interest" do we have at trying to compromise your values? The beauty of this blog is people give honest opinions because we have nothing to gain or lose. It's a rare opportunity to appreciate honest male (and female) candor, from men (and women) who will give it to you straight from our varied upbringings and experiences.

      "I think that it is foolish for people to listen to anyone who dispenses advice without anything to back it up. Who are you going to take entrepreneurial advice from Bill Gates or a homeless dude"

      This is a website that gives insight into the male psyche. We're men. What else do you need to back it up? Your Bill Gates reference only makes sense if you are taking advice from women.

      1. No… my Bill Gates reference is for the advice given by men.

        A man giving advice who is married or in a long term monogamous relationship opinion carries a greater weight than a bunch of dude who are just looking to smash and want many options to do so with very little work on their part.

        That was the basis for my Bill Gates vs homeless man reference.

        I did not reference you personally… if you agree with a particular point of view and you can back it up as having worked and benefited sistas then I would love to hear that story.

        But most of the comments I read yesterday from men were the result of them being tired of having to shoulder the burden of rejection because they were expected to pursue… this is common topic in the relationship blogsphere.

        I was simply saying that as an observation it is usually not married men or men in LTR that offer women this advice… but men who would benefit from having women buy into the idea as to make life easier for them.

        And some women agreed and some didn’t… but today’s post was based on those who didn’t agree with the central thesis of yesterday’s post being presented as chicks who just don’t listen.

        When the advice offered was in no way in a woman’s best interest… but it was in the best interest of the poster and many of those who co-signed.

        And if you agreed but have no skin in the game I just gotta kanyeshurg and move on…

        You expressed your opinion and I just gave mine ~JS

        1. I think in my post I said that all opinion isn't gospel. Ill say it here if I didnt.

          What Im saying is that when men give their opinion into how MEN think, it IS valid regardless of their current relationship status!

          Your facts forget men who might have previously been in LTR's, Married and are now divorced, etc.

          Its funny how people will preach Steve harveys book as gospel, and hes been divorced multiple times I believe, and yet when a dude is giving his opinion and is single, it holds no merit?

          Please refer yourself to china because you need THAT much more (many more?) people!

          I respect your opinion though but I dont think relationship status has anything to do with analyzing the thought patterns of the male psyche.

          You women date single men right? So you're telling me that a single man can't give you insight to how single men think, when you want to know why single men play games?

          Ok maybe I'm buggin…

        2. “Its funny how people will preach Steve harveys book as gospel, and hes been divorced multiple times I believe, and yet when a dude is giving his opinion and is single, it holds no merit?

          Please refer yourself to china because you need THAT much more (many more?) people!

          I respect your opinion though but I dont think relationship status has anything to do with analyzing the thought patterns of the male psyche.

          You women date single men right? So you’re telling me that a single man can’t give you insight to how single men think, when you want to know why single men play games?”

          You have NEVER read me co-signing Steve Harvey here or on any other blog because if I was to discuss my thoughts on his opinions I would have the same issues that I have stated in this thread.

          I don’t need more people because I didn’t say that a single mans opinion had no merit…

          I said that a single man has a different agenda

          The psyche of a male trying to smash and looking for the one are polar opposites.

          I have known dudes who have been in LTR and married who when single became different dudes… because their perspective changed.

          You know its like the model who heralds the world of fashion while she is on top and then when she is gets older and gains weight wants to talk about how sexist the industry is…

          Your opinion is colored by your perspective and what you have to loose or gain as a result.

          I only offered that with certain lines of thinking that women should take this into consideration ~JS

        3. "But most of the comments I read yesterday from men were the result of them being tired of having to shoulder the burden of rejection because they were expected to pursue… this is common topic in the relationship blogsphere.

          I was simply saying that as an observation it is usually not married men or men in LTR that offer women this advice… but men who would benefit from having women buy into the idea as to make life easier for them."

          Then if this is the case…women should get their dating advice from married men, correct?

          which would negate the point of a "Single Black Male" Blog (unless we're talking politics or sports), no?

          just saying, i'd like to see how far this rabbit hole goes, #Wonderland

        4. a single man has a different agenda

          I disagree, especially if you do not know the guy. Again, I'm sticking with the blog and the people that comment on them.

          If a guy is never going to meet you then its unlikely that he has an agenda when giving you advice.

    3. This is why I love Jhane so much. 😉 I always consider the source because I stand for something, I don't fall for anything. I'll listen to a man's truth but some truths weigh heavier than others. Everyone is out for personal gain in some way. The difference with fathers and family is that their advice to you is not for gain…but for you. I'll listen to my father over Ron in the street cause Ron wants something from me. Plus I'd like to think that most people are smart enough to see sincerity and some men just aren't sincere with their "truth". Make no mistake about it, there are alot of wolves out there. On the flip side, if a man is dishing out honesty in the RIGHT way, I'm sure most women will listen. This goes for anyone in life. If the person doesn't trust you, they're not going to trust your words.

      1. What does Ron on the street gain from giving you advice? I agree you should consider the source but thinking all sources are wolves leaves you just as confused, if not more confused.

        Using this blog as an example, the men here literally have little to nothing to gain (closer to nothing) because they don't personally know you and therefore can possibly give better advice than someone that does know you.

        1. Lol. I didn't say all sources were wolves. Where did you get that? Ron in the street may want my panties. Just sayin. Also, other bloggers opinions aren't thrown to dust. I listen to all opinions. The point is whether or not I follow the advice. One thing a person on the street and a blogger have in common are that they are both strangers. Maybe their advice would be better but that's a case by case scenario. All I am saying is consider the source.

    4. Jhane Sez: "A man giving advice who is married or in a long term monogamous relationship opinion carries a greater weight than a bunch of dude who are just looking to smash and want many options to do so with very little work on their part.aking advice from women."

      Only true if all men are a monolith, which we aren't. Not only are men different, not only do different people have different relationships, but men today are living and dating in a different time as your father. What works for one man doesn't work for the next, which is why it's good to have several opinions. I'm not saying your father's or brothers' knowledge is to be disregarded, I'm pointing out it is an error to discount the opinions of the men here.

      Additionally, you just caricaturized every man on this blog. Why do you think we're all just a bunch of horndogs looking to smash as easily as possible? I'm in long term monogamous relationship. Other guys here are as well. Some men here are married, some are engaged. Some of the single guys aren't looking for smash buddies, but actual relationships.

      "But most of the comments I read yesterday from men were the result of them being tired of having to shoulder the burden of rejection because they were expected to pursue…"

      This is exactly what Streetz meant by women not handling the truth. Well, maybe it's not so much "handling the truth" than it is "completely missing the point", because women are looking at the argument from a different perspective. The point wasn't to alter gender roles, be able to smash easier, or anything like that.

      Slim was saying women don't know what it's like to get rejected like we do on a regular basis. Some women took offense because they said they feel the rejection later in the relationship when it doesn't progress as they expect. (Of course, that doesn't account for when a man wants the relationship to progress faster than the woman does, but I digress)

      Most of the male commenters were saying if you want the attention of a man, sometimes you have to approch him get it, or be content with getting passed over. Some women got upset because they felt their ambiguous signals and body language should be enough to flag a guy down. For example, Pink Sugar, attempting to argue against the point, unintentionally argued for it, by saying if a man turns down her signals, he isn't interested. Which means she didn't want to hear "I'm not interested" verbally. Which goes right back to the title of Slim's post, "Why Women Should Eat More Rejection Pie", because women can't relate to that rejection!

      "You expressed your opinion and I just gave mine"

      And the frank exchange is what we're all here for.

      1. Hugh,

        Let me say that the way you rebut a lot of comments here, I respect it 100% and you conveyed the main idea of my point clearly. Salute!

        Also eff all this "ill listen to a married man about relationships" you know married men can cheat and do their wives dirty too right?

        1. Streetz: "Let me say that the way you rebut a lot of comments here, I respect it 100% and you conveyed the main idea of my point clearly. Salute!"

          LQTM! It's called reading comprehension!

    5. I'd have to agree with your last line…..Men aren't interested in women who won't deal with the games and bull****.

      We ask for the truth… so why is it so bad and uncomfortable to just speak it. clearly we are different creatures, think differently. there are some women who can handle it and some women who cannot handle it. Bottom line. but if a woman is up front with you – honestly? to not give her that same respect in return is ludacris.

      Men date with no intentions, men can't communicate to women that they aren't the one, men just hide behind a mask and hope that they will NEVER have to verbalize it… b/c that would be acting TOO humane.

      i digress. The truth shall set us ALL free if we are willing to go through the Uncomfortable moments that delivering the truth might bring. It makes u stronger and it shows strength in character, integrity and I'll respect that ANY DAY over little white lies and sometimes real BIG lies.

        1. has nothing to do with generalizations… has to do w/ the state of Dating, the tons of blogs I read, the tons of Men I speak to whom are close friends and not so close friends…. so – my experiences – have been just that. I'm sure there are men that May date with inentions and they are in relationships, engaged, or married working on baby #1 2 3.

          All good. My point is – if you looked at the last paragraph – is HONEST – The truth in any relationship – sets us all free – if we are able to work through uncomfortable situations.

  5. I'm always co-signing the brotha's!

    I did disagree with yesterday's general thesis…but, it was no dis-respect..we all come from different backgrounds, life experiences, etc, that influence our opinions or our take on a given situation….

    I do agree that alot of women do think men are all alike. I think, our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, girlfriends, etc…influence alot of how we view men. The fact is, there is no way a man (no matter his good intentions) is going to come along and obliterate with a few good insights into the male psyche (via this blog)…years of indoctrination established by the important women in our lives..or, the "sister-hood", if you will…..most of the things we believe about men we learned from the "sisterhood" and our own life experiences, religious views, etc…but, don't discount how strong that foundation is…it runs deep..that is why we really have a hard time believing what a man tells us…we always revert back to what we heard or have experienced….I'm not saying it's right..but, it's so deeply rooted that sometimes it's difficult to shake off……

    I didn't expect to go in this deep..but, I got to thinking about why women don't believe shyt a man tells them LOL….I hope I made my point though.

    Good Post..Streetzie! 🙂

  6. Its 2011. Are women still looking at men expecting that everything they say is the gospel? If so, then they should go back to church and listen to the word, because that's the only gospel there is. Stop co-signing s*%t and get your own mind back. Men are gonna say whatever they want to try and keep us from crying, complaining and doing whatever it is they don't want us to do to THEM! And they will do just as some women do….anything it takes to get what they want. The agenda belongs to both sexes, and just like reality television, (some) people will do whatever it takes to get to where they want to go. Sometimes that means it's with you or without you. And if it's without you, be prepared that they will climb over you, roll over you and pass right through you (e.g. pretend you don't exist). I continue to hear lies from people and I'm almost 50 years old. But I did a very special thing over 15 years ago; I only listen to those people who make my life a happy place and leave others at Fantasyland. If you want to stop crying and complaining and you find its someone of the opposite sex at the crux of your emotional distraction, start looking inside of yourself for why you think that person is the alpha and the omega, because THEY AINT! Give to yourself and you will find that you will attract those who will also give to you. That's fulfillment and it's more than superficial comments. Real men put their hearts (and money) where their mouth is!

    1. I can tell that somewhere along the way you got your feelings hurt by a man, or a bunch of men. If I could give you any advice, please let go of that anger. I didn't even have to struggle to read in between the lines.

  7. Love ya but I will have to disagree a bit. I think when find your opinion truly valuable, hence the reason why we ask so many questions of you. Now we don;t have to like your opinion or agree with it, but all women should respect the answer and be happy with it. We disregard your opinion when we know that you are holding back by saying things like, "I dunno or you never know". Bullshnickle, you do know, but you are scraed of the response you might get. Yeah there are some ignant chicks out there that fly off the handle at anything but there are a growing number that can be civil and take the truth.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

    Tiffany

  8. I must quote @Jhane Sez, "Take yesterdays post for example, women sited fathers, brothers and friends who have told them that chasing men in no bueno… advice in direct opposition to the post.

    So who should they listen to a guy who perhaps has a vested interest in getting them to compromise the values of friends and family or men with a proven track record of having their best interest at heart."

    AGREED!

    Here's why. How valid someone views a man's opinion is a matter of perception. Perception is reality. If my perception is that my married father and brother love me more than other man in this world, then ummm… yeah, their opinion will take a front seat to that of other single men that I don't know. Also, I'd like to be in a long term committed relationship with someone who shares the qualities of my father and brother…..so if they are good men and have this view I tend to think that other good men also have this view. Is that always accurate? No.** Is ANYTHING always accurate in this crazy world? No!

    SOO……

    Let me also say that I believe that Slim was being 100% honest about his opinion. I also believe that I (and others, women and men) have the right to disagree with it. Thats the great thing about opinions. I agree with Streetz that we shouldn't demonize opinions. The problem comes in when people say "oh you're absolutely wrong" or "i'm totally right." No such thing as right or wrong when it comes to an opinion. Just perspective. And everyone comes to the table from a different perspective. Including men! **Yeah, men don't always agree with each other 🙂 For me, that makes the discussion so fruitful and interesting. Oh yeah…and difficult too!

    1. cancergirl08:

      There are some men out there who just want to see people do better and hold no ill will. Thing is your father, brother, or platonic male friends can only give you the best advice they can give you. There's a large group of men, who want nothing to do with you, who don't care nothing about you, who will give you real and unadulterated advice. Sometimes that can be the best advice. By nature and because it's their task in life, your father is always going to try and protect you. (Look up: why parents encourage children to not chase their dreams.) You daddy isn't going to tell you, "Your boyfriend left you because that other chick didn't scream on him so much and is actually a lot prettier than you." He won't tell you that. However, if the guy who cheated on you is an ass, he'll tell you, "I got tired of you screaming on me and this shorty is BAD." That's real talk, that's something you can walk away with knowing, whether it's effed up or not. Meanwhile your dad is like, "He cheated on you because he is a fool."

      Suspect. First, it doesn't give you the answer you really need to hear. Second, he might not be a fool, Bill Gates is a fool for coming out with Windows 7, when Vista was a perfectly good look. Nope, that's an upgrade. Third, when people give you advice and blame the other person always ask yourself, "What are they trying to say about my character?" Real talk, why is your dad hinting that you are attracted to fools?

      1. “You daddy isn’t going to tell you, “Your boyfriend left you because that other chick didn’t scream on him so much and is actually a lot prettier than you.” He won’t tell you that. However, if the guy who cheated on you is an ass, he’ll tell you, “I got tired of you screaming on me and this shorty is BAD.” That’s real talk, that’s something you can walk away with knowing, whether it’s effed up or not. Meanwhile your dad is like, “He cheated on you because he is a fool.””

        True your Dad may not say that or may not say it that way… but if that is the outcome of your relationship I bet he told you from jump dude wasn’t sh*t.

        And the truth here is that he was right.

        More often than not a chick getting cheated on and dumped for a badder chick is a result of her

        a) trying to make a situation work with a dude who wasn’t really feeling her in the first place, so she is screaming trying to get some act right from dude

        b) she was just a place holder until he could better deal her azz.

        Men know if a man don’t want to stay you can pitch a perfect game and he is still going to take the “badder chick” option.

        And that is the “truth” behind daddy and ‘nem telling you not to take a pass before it even got to that point because they know you and could see that the situation would not end well for you.

        And that is the “truth” that she should listen to… not a recap of the aftermath.

        Most women beat them selves up in the postmortem when they should be more selective on the front end.

        Because the reason that he walked out the door is always trumped by the fact that he shouldn’t have been in your crib in the first place.

        And that is the difference between trusted advisor and every man advice. ~JS

        1. And that is the “truth” behind daddy and ‘nem telling you TO take a pass before it even got to that point because they know you and could see that the situation would not end well for you.

          I gotta hit that edit button faster ~JS

        2. Eh. I see where you are going but I have to disagree…

          We don't know what dad may have said beforehand, but we DO know why you broke up. And while you can put the break up on incompatibility from the start… you weren't willing to listen to daddy then, so chances are you will take another risk like that next time. When break-ups occur you NEED to know what happened in the relationship and it's demise to find out how you can better yourself for the next go round. It's like an annual assessment on the job… you don't wanna be carrying last year's mistakes into the new year. & who else can give you a better assessment then the person who cares not what you think or is trying to protect your feelings but the one who is just open and honest, and can see how the job should be done better.

        3. “And while you can put the break up on incompatibility from the start… you weren’t willing to listen to daddy then, so chances are you will take another risk like that next time. When break-ups occur you NEED to know what happened in the relationship and it’s demise to find out how you can better yourself for the next go round.”

          If you aren’t going to listen to your dad from the start it is doubtful that you will listen to some other dude on the back end.

          But let’s say that you do… what are you going to do with he left because you were screaming and the other chick was prettier… what wisdom do you really gain from that.

          Not yell the next time… okay… but you really can’t do anything about the other chick was prettier.

          Cause if you repeat the pattern you will be sweet and soft spoken… and still left for the badder chick option.

          This is why I place more value on who gives you advice.

          Your dad, brother, male friends can usually “see” if a dude is feeling you or not… because screaming too much, if a guy is feeling you is something that you can work through.

          But you can’t do anything with the guy looking for a chick that is “badder” than you… because 9 out of 10 times there isn’t anything you can do to compete because you really didn’t rate in the first place.

          So the value is being able to spot the dude who doesn’t think that you are best of breed trumps being told the obvious truth… that you already know but may not admit to yourself… after the fact. ~JS

        4. "Most women beat themselves up in the postmortem when they should be more selective on the front end.

          Because the reason that he walked out the door is always trumped by the fact that he shouldn’t have been in your crib in the first place.

          And that is the difference between trusted advisor and every man advice. ~JS"

          Generally speaking: Brilliant.

          That. is. all.

  9. I am a very sensitive person and on top of that I'm emotional as well however, I respect a man more who tells me the truth, their opinions and their thoughts. Yes, I'll probably get hurt and yes he'll probably make me cry but hey at least he told me and how I deal with it is totally up to me. "When a man shows you who he is, believe him."<—–got that from oprah.

    I also love the fact that there are blogs like this who tell us how u guys really are w/o the bs. I could listen to my girlfriends and all these relationship experts that are women but at the end of the day, I date men and I need to know what the eff is really going on in their heads.

  10. *claps*

    *applauds*

    *borrows from Sane's e-confetti stash*

    *sits back and waits for the first bible verse comment to appear to justify my eye-rolling*

      1. Just checked the blog out…cool site! Now between SBM, VSB and TWTTI I'll never get any damn work done.

        >:0[

        And apparently e-confetti ain't free no mo'…..

        ;0(

        1. You're just now finding 3ways? LOL

          E-confetti has always cost me three unobtanium rocks per 20 oz. package, I don't know why you thought it was free.

        2. +1. By the time you get through the comments on VSB and SBM (comment section yesterday). You'll be tired. lol.

          Actually reading the comment section on all mentioned blogs above has given me a better insight into women and relationships. #who'da thunk it

      1. Pardon Moi, I came late to the Black Blogosphere Party. And after perusing a few other folks blogs on a whim….let's just say the delusion of granduer is strong among us.

  11. As a life coach, I can tell you this much, people bang their head against the wall several times before they listen. It's true, as I told Streetz, she will ask you, "Why did you cheat?" and he will reply, "Because I could." Her response? "No that's not right." I just don't understand how you can argue with a person when you ask them a question only they have the answer for.

    On the other hand, many women today will argue that SBM writers come off as if they're the god of relationship advice. I really don't think i'm the god of advice, anyone who knows me on a one-on-one basis knows that. My angle is always to make you see things a little different, or shed some insight. You can try and incorporate it, or you can leave it. That's all good. But trust me on that, women hate when men come off as knowing everything.

    1. And that's what I like about y'all. You, Streetz and Slim keeps it real. I can't get why people just don't have a common sense and intelligent approach to relationships #kanye shrug

  12. And SPECial you already know the level of love goes so ar beyond this blog. HOWEVER………

    (Thinking the subsequent quote from the very movie you illustrated you to make your point….

    "I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the

    very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it"

    How are we supposed to trust 'the truth' by the men who run this blog, when the very men who run the blog don't always agree on the advice the other one is giving?

    1. How are we supposed to trust ‘the truth’ by the men who run this blog, when the very men who run the blog don’t always agree on the advice the other one is giving?

      I don't "run this blog" but I know the answer. It's about 2nd, 3rd, etc… opinions. Every person is different and sometimes there's variations on interpretations. Likewise every reader is different, but someone can say something in just the right way to "make it click." Also, and most importantly, the varying of opinion is actually a GOOD thing when people take the time to explain why they have those different views.

      Keep this in mind, the writers have practiced their craft well. Usually, things are written not only to give insight but to spark conversation on a topic. It's the active discussion that you should pull from. The author is initializing the conversation…

        1. If you say so…

          Don't misunderstand "the truth" though. It doesn't have to be singular.

          Only a few pieces of advice in this are truly both universal and functional at all times. For example, "Remember to breath."

        2. If i asked you "why did you join your sorority" and I ask your soror the same question, I may get 2 different answers. Your reason may not be hers, and she may not agree with your reason for joining. That doesn't mean that you have conflicting opinions. You have different truths!

          You're using the word truth too rigidly. Every man isnt going to have the same opinion but we all heard the various stories etc from our boys and lived life. A drug addict and a gambling addict might have different views on how to avoid addiction, but addiction at the root is the same regardless of type.

  13. what Jhane Sez said.

    at the end of the day people are gonna do what they want, feel how they want, think what they want.

    I like to hear varying points of view– those POVs can come from many different sources. doesn't mean I'm gonna take anybody's word as law or as THE official "way to go" but that's just me.Other views help me to shape my view.

    Some people just like to argue and disagree on blogs. I've had my moments. Some women really can't handle the truth, but I don't think thats the case for most. It does nothing to advance the POV to banter back and forth in an insulting way about OPINIONS. Everybody has one, its not fact–its an opinion. I shake my head or nod my head and go about my business. These blogs are a good way to provide some insight, but it isn't ALL the insight. take it for what it is.

    1. I see what you're saying. I tend to care about opinions when it's coming from someone I care about. The problem with blogs is that most of us don't know each other. It's just type and avis so everything is taken at face value. It's easy to be insulting or feel insulted because we're strangers so our words represent US instead of being just words. I guarantee if I sat in a room with a bunch of people everyday and discussed my opinions on topics, there would be alot of fights. It's hard to speak your mind AND not offend others at the same time. I see people go extra lengths to be nice even though they're obviously upset by a comment and that is admirable. I could type "I disagree" while thinking "that b*tch" in my head. 🙂 My point is,commenting about issues with strangers is a recipe for disaster however over all I think most people take criticism better when they read it rather than hearing it. I can tune out a voice but not words.

      1. I totally agree with you. as a person that is passionate about many things, I have to turn my own feelings off at times because sometimes I'm really appalled and offended by things I read on blogs. but like you said, I also care about those I actually know and can have convos with–people whose lives I'm a part of and I know how their experiences have shaped their viewpoints. you can't get all of that from strangers and text.

  14. In addition. What you are sharing is an opinion. And who's to say you all's take on things are right. As women are different so are men. No one (at least I would hope) comes to this blogn reads and takes what the men/people here say as the goapel. Again, the blog is an opinionates site based on a few different men's opinion based off of their very own life experiences.

    So please spare me the whole ideology of women not being able to handle the truth. Instead of doing like most manager do, when they send out emails chastising the entire department for what a few subordinates have done, why not go directly to the women you feel as though can't handle the truth.

    Because this blanket statement does not apply to every woman who reads/comments here.

    Who are any of you to tell a group of women what they should/should/could/couldnt/can/cant do, lol!

    Its an opinion. Some valued more than others. But an opinion nonetheless.

    Smooches,

    L to the J

      1. Ok, I have no desire nor the time to go tit-for-tat with you about an opinion of a group of men. Including yours, lol!

        And often times, I say it wrong. And will give you why I feel hat way when I write my rebuttal.

        Moving on……lol!

  15. I haven't read the post that Streetz has mentioned here, so I'm going at this a little backwards. I read sbm more than I comment because I tend to agree with the men in a lot of cases and there is nothing more to add.

    In this case, it sounds like the friend that most of us have had at one point or another in our lives… the friend that asks for advice over and over, but never listens to the advice given neither all or in part. You know, the one that wastes all your damn time. Unfortunately, for relationship blogs… that's the nature of the beast.

    I understand and I give you a standing ovation on the simple fact that you take the same basic topics week after week, day after day and work to spin them in a different way… in a different light in hopes to bring if not understanding to your readers, but to stir them up enough in their own views on the opposite sex to generate active thought.

    Another way to say this… Congrats. You are challenging your readers belief systems and the ish ain't easy. Keep doing what you do.

  16. I'm trying to comprehend this concept contextually, because I strongly believe that it's very detrimental and counterproductive to try to generalize any sex.

    I will NOT lie to you. I WILL lie to you.

    Would a woman truly "act" as if they respect a man who tells the truth about lying? Many will nod their head yes, and even verbalize it, until they experience it. Then you inquire as if you couldnt understand why a person lies in the first place.

    "You can trust me. Have I ever hurt you in the past? Why lie to me? Me, of all people, who has never hurt you? All I ever did was love you, why can't I receive the same?"

    Obvious. He doesn't trust you. It's not you, it's him. It could be dependent of many variables. Bad experiences with telling the truth are the primary reason. Could be genetic (pathological). Could be that he didn't want his imaged diminished because he values your "too good be true" love? That he imagined this "too good to be true" love to vanish? You'd do anything to keep that type of love nearby. Whatever it is….doesn't matter, he doesn't trust you, and no matter how many times you prove your love, he will be skeptical because being accepted, despite numerous inconsistencies and flaws, is almost a fairytale. Acceptance of true love is internal.

    It requires the experience of a lying to understand a liar, and to accept a lie for what it is – false information. I understand the "what couldve been" idea, but you act on the intentions of your heart. You cannot control how a person gives you information, nor should it be too much of your concern. Don't share anything (not even yourself) if you don't plan on losing it.

    Open communication (truth telling) is effective depending on the collective purpose (intentions) between the two, and the emotional sensitivity of a person. Since we arent always open about these things (protective), we play the guessing game….looking for clues and hints in body language and behavior to establish a line of trust. If it is my goal to go scuba diving as scuba John in her ocean, I can almost guarantee that despite that she's had the thought, most emotionally strong, independent women would not act on it within the first few days because they wanna preserve their nature. Women have this notion that "giving it up" makes you a heax/slut. That view is subjective depending on who's looking…them, me…or you. I respect a woman who is more open about her sexual urges and her willingness to fulfill them respectfully, just as much as one who acts as if she's the Virgin Mary. Why? Because you're expressing the truth of you; you're being yourself around me, not to impress me, but because you are secure in who you are, and that you recognize that I'm just a compliment in your life. You're showing me that you're as human as me, and that definitely makes me comfortable and more prone to expressing all aspects of myself respectfully. However, if I'm hungry for you and you say no…yes the distancing process (despite my good guy character) will commence, because I will understand that I will be limited in being myself around her. I may even withhold my true reasons of said "distance" and respond ambiguously: "I got quite a bit going on right now, we can still hang out from time to time, but right now isnt a good time for me" – in short "when I my desires are satiated, then I'll have the right mindset to communicate with you without this hinderance". Nice guys need sexual therapy too, and often we are neglected in that area because we provide the "other stuff". It's all about the purpose of the relationship: what do you want from me? That aids in determining who to trust and how to behave with a particular someone.

  17. I perused yesterday's post, comments and the crapstorm that ensued, and I'm sad I had too many toddlers in my home to really get into the thick of things. This is much more easy for me to respond to though… Its not that I can't handle your truth, its really more about it either not applying to me or it not making sense to me.

    Women are BUILT for dealing, handling, working with, settling. Arguing with that would be foolish. We just are made to satisfy, ultimately, and even those of us who have rejected the inherent natural instinct to do so in relationships will probably have to handle, deal, work with, settle or satisfy more men in their careers than they would like…so its not about handling. I *hear* you. I just think you're either full of shit, or you sound like the mom off of Charlie Brown (*cue up the inaudible jazz horns*)…

    A lot of men give me opinions and advice that either doesn't wholly apply to my situation or tends to disregard my emotional involvement/attachment. Men and women don't think or function the same way generally (yes, there are those women who claim to think like/act like men…but to be perfectly honest, if she's still single she needs more people for that claim…) so sometimes the advice either just comes across as arrogant asshole banter, or completely cold and impossible.

    I've learned that what works best for me is advice from women who either are or who have been married for a number of years. Even if they say similar things to a man, they communicate it in a way that I can understand, that usually doesn't make me want to rage out and stab the messenger in the jugular. (Sorry, I'm crazy.)

    Another comment touched on personal gain as well, and I found that a lot of men who give me advice, especially relationship advice, have expressed interest in doing me at some point as well. Sorry buddy, we hear you talking but we just don't believe you. Further, it does stand to reason that men would like to open up more womens minds to their preferences and schools of thought in hopes that maybe she'll pass it on to a friend and another friend and maybe women will be even MORE easy for you. But I will sit that one there, as Dr. J has already assassinated a reader for sounding hurt/bitter lol…

    I'ma be honest with you…even with two kids out of wedlock, and a literal LOAD of other imperfections, I don't have a huge fear of being eternally single. I'm fairly certain I'll be married in the next 5 years. Mostly I've sought a man's take on things to help me with the purely light/superficial (ie; do you like weave, should I tip on this date) or to attain/understand the actions of a man who typically is my 1st choice or preference (ie; why won't Bobby just LOVE my crazy ass?). However, I'm very much aware that if things don't fly with first choice Bobby, there are a host of other suitors who wouldn't give me the headache, heartache and hard time. That said, when I get "man truth" suggesting I change my whole lane and start running after Bobby to let him know we're equals and he deserves some chances to reject me too… and my brain just won't compute, its easy enough for me to discard it knowing it'll only frustrate me, compromise my beliefs, or snag me a guy who is ultimately going to make me work harder and not smarter. Then I get the blank look while you're giving me the "man advice" and the Charlie Brown horns come on. In closing Mr. Nicholson, its less about not handling it for me, and more about me recognizing that even though I'm cute, paige boy cut Demi right now and Bruce Willis seems like the only thing running, in a few years Ashton's coming so I don't even need to hear that noise.

  18. *kicks chair over *
    Phuckyeah! Glad someone said it!

    I wish a lot of the female bloggers were receptive as some of my lady friends in real life. Of course, I do have some that fire back and give me their opinion of myself "you think too much," "you need to let your guard down," "you think to ridgedly…" One thing is for certain I tell the straight up truth to them and give them man sh*t like a man should without the enabling cow towing that a lot of older simp bammaz would!

  19. Okay.

    First, I will admit that midway through the first paragraph I was already composing my "this is bullsh!t of course women can handle the truth" comment. But after a little contemplation I will say that it is probably true for a lot of women.

    It's also true though that sometimes it's not that a woman can't handle your truth, it's that she doesn't like it. And men often read that as not being able to handle it. If you say "I do this because of this" and I say "then you're an effing jacka$s", that doesn't mean I can't handle it. It means you're an effing jacka$s.

    I also find that a lot of times men expect women to co-sign their truth and if we don't, we're accused of not being able to handle it. When men are explaining their point of view about some maddening sh!t they do (ahem…disappearing), sometimes women can't handle it, yes, but sometimes we argue with you because we're truly baffled by what you're saying.

    1. cosign

      This sums it up

      "It’s also true though that sometimes it’s not that a woman can’t handle your truth, it’s that she doesn’t like it. And men often read that as not being able to handle it. If you say “I do this because of this” and I say “then you’re an effing jacka$s”, that doesn’t mean I can’t handle it. It means you’re an effing jacka$s."

      1. Exactly my sentiments…I can handle it, I may not like it. But there are lots of things I don't like in life that I still tolerate and deal with. That's pretty much LIFE.

  20. I agree to an extent that many women can't handle the truth but most of even all? No. I think the problem is that alot of men don't deliver honesty well. As a seeker of truth, I can respect someone who brings it real to me when needed…even if I don't like it, I'll respect it. I just find that alot of men are so bent on not hurting a woman's feelings and avoiding conversation all together as to avoid confrontation. Men may complain about "fast" women or "hood rats" but then you sleep with her or even date her. All the while, she never knows you view her this way until an arguement when you say "HOE!" <— that's just an example of my point and has not happened to me…neva dat. 🙂 Anywho, women for the most part are big on communication. I think men could learn how to communicate their feelings better. Maybe more women would take your "truth" alot heavier if it came constructively with actions to back it. Either way, no matter who the truth comes from, it will still hurt. Jack was talking to a man when he said the truth hurts. lol

    1. Don't deliver honesty well?

      How other way is there to deliver honesty?.. The meaning doesnt change if I sugarcoat to make you feel better about it. It's the same message.

        1. Co-Sign…

          This is what I said to @Merry about the way she delivers…

          It's sad that you have to put on kid gloves with some people…

          But it is a small price to pay to get your point across…

          Good Post

        2. I don't want to sound like a hypocrite because I can get nasty when I'm crossed but if you haven't been rude to me, there's no need for me to be rude to you. If I want to get a message across to you, I know exactly how to deliver it. If I don't give a fug, I'm saying exactly what I'm thinking and ignoring delivery.

          On blogs, it's hard to take advice because we are all just usernames and avis. We don't "see" each other so some of us lose that respect we would give in person. Then again some of us are just rude all day everyday. lol

  21. I'll start this by saying all women and all men are not created equal. Now that that's out of the way…

    Women can handle the truth, but more often than not expect there to be one truth. Sometimes you're going to get insight into something that you haven't experienced or been told about before. That doesn't mean it's wrong or a lie. It just means it's different. If it doesn't apply to a situation you've had in the past, it might apply to a situation you'll have in the future. So instead of dismissing it, put it away for later.

    Men are also confused by women's perspectives on things, but for some reason are generally able to accept (not necessarily understand) that and learn from it. Women try too hard to understand our truths when they're not going to.

  22. "I just find that alot of men are so bent on not hurting a woman’s feelings and avoiding conversation all together as to avoid confrontation."

    Very rational tactic for someone who values their peace. Distance can warrant that peace – physically and emotionally. It may come off as a bit passive, but as a man, if you pull a Chris Brown….it's kind of difficult to recover from those consequences simply because you reACTed her emotional response, instead of responded. I totally understand the emotional detachment, in this case, being rational…..for the individual who cannot control their emotions, or is egotistical. So yes, there is a difficulty with men coping with emotions because most men have been "conditioned" to repress emotions as if they don't exist. It "appears" to contradict the "toughness" of a man.

    "I think men could learn how to communicate their feelings better."

    The artistic types have lil or no problem with this.

    …there's this biased idea that men who communicate their emotions effectively have too much "femininity" within their personality. How would disperse the counteract of this idea in your interactions with an athletic type of guy who's focus is physical?

      1. "I like how you think Skywalker…."

        @QueenT I love how you like how I think. (bows)

        (points to self) Mr. Sensitive, Shy Nerd right here.

    1. "Dam, John the skywalker…I need your number, we need to talk…lol. You made some very interesting points."

      @ dizzle I'm in Kuwait right now, so no stateside celly; but if you (or anyone in here) is curious, my email is [email protected]. I'll release my number then (the one I use out here). Scream @ me!

  23. This situation reminds me of a conversation I and another guy had with a friend girl (Let's call her Lola) of mine in undergrad.

    Lola is heterosexual. She thinks girl X that's in our class is drop dead gorgeous and "best thing walking around here body and face wise". Lola feels strongly about that. And as all women do, they mention it aloud for verbal sounding board-ish feedback to hear someone agree with them masked as asking for our opinions. My homie and myself both replied, "She's OK." Lola was floored. She actually sat there trying to convince us that we were wrong for about 10 minutes. Lola didn't understand how we could say girl X was just Ok and said that girl X is what men want. She eventually gave up and said that we didn't know what we was talking about. The thing is that our responses where basically on par with the rest of the males we knew.

    This is an allegory for this post+comments in about 3 different ways:

    1. Lola factored in girl X's confidence to her equation while my homie and I was just focusing her physical appearance (or lack there of). This is parallel to a working off of extreme notions from simple concepts that were made clear from the jump. Lola gave to impression there was talk about strictly Girl X's physical appearance though she factored in other things. Similar to how Slim's post yesterday made it clear we was talking about initiating conversation and women yesterday AND today are still talking about "chasing." Ya'll can't read…

    2. Lola asked for our opinions. We gave them. She didn't think our opinions were "right." So she proceeded to try to explain why our opinions were wrong. We're talking about OPINIONS… Now tell me this haven't happened here…

    3. The statement that my homie and I didn't know what we are talking about and that she has a better idea of what a man wants than my homie and I. This one has two sides: a. Women know how to attract men. So they have knowledge on what works -> peep this -> FOR THEM. However, they think that what works for them is universal for all men regardless of the woman involved. Hence, a lot of women think they can pull opff what Beyonce does and we want that. And we constantly remind them that they are NOT Beyonce. b. Men know what is attractive TO THEM. So when I replied to Lola, I was speaking from my perspective, not as the Lord of all Men. However, it is taken by Lola as I'm trying to speak for every man. Look at Lady Jei's statement: How are we supposed to trust ‘the truth’ by the men who run this blog, when the very men who run the blog don’t always agree on the advice the other one is giving? And all the men here, Streetz included been saying NOT to take his opinion as gospel. Take it as an opinion that a few others may share, thus being some incite into the mentality of men that share THAT opinion .

    #3 is why discussion is important. Some men may not agree word for word with Streetz. So you hopefully begin to see that there are groups of men that think similar things while the thought process of the groups themselves may be vastly different from one another.

    The human mind (let alone a male's mind) is not a one stop shop. Take that mentality to the super Walmart.

    1. LOL sounds like me and my fiance when talking about Angelina Jolie. She aite in my book. Highly overrated. Fiance things shes a goddess lol. Who do I think is beautiful? Sarah Jessica Parker. She's not the top of my list but she's up there.

      1. I apologize in advance for the following sarcastic response to your personal taste, but you left it wide open and I could not physically control myself.

        -The Welcoming Committee

        She's not at the top of anyone's list, including Ferris Beuller's.

        1. SJP used to have some appeal when she was younger, but as she's aged she's seriously took the slide into EH-ville. Jolie has an appealing face but her body is a thumbs down for me.

  24. I wonder, the women who consider the sources, such as brothers, fathers, married men, etc..

    Do they realize, that most all men are brothers, fathers, married men to/for someone else? And it's a great chance they are/were the swindlers,wolves, jerks that you are trying to avoid?

    Guy X and Guy Y telling you the same exact truth doesn't distort the truth.

    But keep drinking the kool-aid and believe that only the men you trust are going to tell you the truth.

    1. I think you are reading too far into the thought. It's not saying the ONLY men we trust are our fathers. It's saying that you have to consider the choice and more times than none someone like your father has your best interest in mind compared to a lover, etc. It's just a thought, it's not gospel. Every situation is different.

  25. I had a long comment all written out for this last night, but erased it. I think that any response from a woman to this is a no-win. As much as I love ya Streetz (and you know I do), I think I'm gonna stay away from this one.

    1. *comes back into room in dramatic fashion*

      I will say this though, I bet Max is feeling you on this post after seeing all the responses from men on her blog today.

      *makes grand exit*

  26. I think that it is upsetting for some women when they realize that they played a part in their own misery. For some women it is easier to lash out at the person delivering the message than it is to accept responsibilty for the part the woman played.

    What they should be doing is learning from their mistakes and making it a lesson learned instead of shooting the messenger and demonizing men. As the saying goes, "fool me once, shame on you, but fool me twice shame on me."

    Next time make better choices….

      1. The thing is though, the whole point of the post isn't is it technically possible for a woman to have sex whenever she wants (and even that isn't a fact depending on how you look, I don't think Gilbert Grape's mom could have picked up the phone and got some). She even stated (more than once I believe that she realizes that most woman can TECHNICALLY get it right now if they wanted). However, that is the point that is being focused on and the insight as to why some of us are peen-free right now is being ignored.

  27. "its almost as if you are upset for a man thinking like a man."

    Not upset, disappointed.

    We like to think of you as SuperMan and when we see dorky lil Clark Kent, well, it can be disheartening.

    "…when in fact we were doing what women do about men from the time they come out the womb: VENTING!"

    We talk, we emote, we share our opinions. It's almost as if you are upset for a woman thinking like a woman.

  28. I was just thinking the EXACT SAME THING Max. It's like, men can have and give their varying perpectives on their truths but women can't lol. I've never understood peoples inclination to try and tell someone that something they know indifinitely about themself is wrong. I KNOW, from facts and experience that such and such is true about me but I'll be damned if you don't stand here and try to convince me otherwise till Jesus comes…frustrating…
    Then again, men probably feel that way too.

    1. Oh but apparently when women disagree with men it's because we can't handle the truth but when men disagree with women it's a syntax and semantics issue. :-

      1. A wise <del>FYONE</del> man once told me "…communication is a two-way street. Don’t demonize men because we have an opinion or our point of view on things." I'm pretty sure it works for women too…

  29. LOL

    Knew this post was going to turn into tit for tat.

    Oh well.

    We are bloggers. We are normal people. we aren't with degrees in behavorial psych or love doctors, we're just real dudes giving an opinion. and insight and will continue to do that.

    I just hope that the next time you ask your close male friend why XYZ didn't call you back or why he's trippin, and he gives you reasons, you take it with a grain of salt or a boulder and it helps you, instead of thinking its all bullsh!t.

    and no i wont @ anyone. too many to mention *daps all around*

    1. "I just hope that the next time you ask your close male friend why XYZ didn’t call you back or why he’s trippin, and he gives you reasons, you take it with a grain of salt or a boulder and it helps you, instead of thinking its all bullsh!t."

      Well, this should have been the whole post right there. THIS, I can cosign.

  30. agree 100% so true…women already have their minds made up already they are just looking for man to cosign them, women decisions are made from other women and they could care less what we think most times because they think they can change men anyway

  31. Another thought: I can't speak for all the female readers here, but I don't really come to this sight for advice or insight into the male psyche. I come here for entertainment, open discussion with like-minded individuals, to occassionally throw my e-panties at Streetz and picture him blushing. I also come here for insight into the minds of SBM, Slim, the wonderful doctor, Streetz, various guest writers and the great male commenters. I don't come here for the opinions of men in general, because just like I don't speak for all female commenters, you guys can't speak for all men. Look at Animate and his thing for SJP, would you guys all want him choosing your dates? I didn't think so.

  32. WOW… Didn't see that one coming…

    I have a basic rule when it comes to men & women…

    Whatever men do, good or bad… women are more extreme with it (violence & a few others maybe the exception)

    So, yes women cannot handle the truth, but alot of men can't either… to a lesser degree…

    Streetz, always spitting fire…

    Light Co-Sign

  33. "But if there is one point of view that men hold that I absolutely cannot and will not cosign, it is the bullshit notion that a woman can have sex any time she wants to."

    (sigh) Yet another blog I have to read….. >:0[

    Gonna read all 140+ comments when I get home, but seriously the statement above is about the most ridiculous thing I've seen in print since seeing a Palin for President sign in DC.

  34. You don't wanna hear the truth. If I say I'm saving myself for marriage that is not a greenlight to try to change my mind or worse RAPE ME. When you say you want women who don't sleep around, don't meet one who isn't and decide to corrupt her. I always appreciate honesty however FIND A LANE AND GET IN IT!!!! If you wanna freak find a willing one and stop slipping date rape drugs into the drinks of unsuspecting females who made the mistake of not making your dick their first priority within minutes of meeting you.Ain't nobody demonizing nobody for having an opinion. A man has a right to see who he wants see but so do I. If I don't wanna date someone who I think is trouble, I have a right not without having to explaining myself to you or being demonized by you. If anyone needs to stop judging people it's you men. I don't care how you feel about women who save themselves for marriage (whether or not you think we're REALLY good girls or not) because my sex life is NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!!!! SO FUCK YOU. When men get the memo that I that everything in a woman's life is not up their scrutiny. Because EVERYTHING WE DO IS ABOUT YOU!!!! Sometimes we like doing things for ourselves. SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO APPROVE OF EVERYTHING I DO BECAUSE ESPECIALLY IF I'M NOT INTERESTED IN YOU !!!!!!

    1. For whatever that dude did to you, i'll take the lead and say, "Sorry."

      #np Donnie McClurklin – We Fall Down

      next up on Pandora: Nas – Oochie Wally

      1. "#np Donnie McClurklin – We Fall Down

        next up on Pandora: Nas – Oochie Wally"

        That actually did make me laugh out loud!

    2. This comment was so far left it cant ever be right!

      I dont know where this came from but umm… you mad?

      Seriously, if that happened to you then we can recommend places that can help. Date rape is never the answer, but you blacked out outta NOWHERE!

    3. Men who normally can't accept "rejection" for "sex" are "normally" egotistical. A strong male ego cannot handle a truthful "NO" (ego's dont like to lose)….but a humble male who's asking out of chance and hope can accept your no.

      I see that you've had your share of assholes.

      And yes….the emotion in your comment was sensed (for me anyway). If you verbalized that….yep, I would defintely distance myself. Not because I can't handle the truth. But the emotion is a potential threat to my peace. Emotional women who act on emotion tend to do some irrational things….loving and um…..not so…..loving.

    4. I wrote a long, thought-out and heartfelt response to this, but Streetz hates me and deleted it. So, here goes a mini-version.

      There is a lot of anger and emotion spilling out from this comment. Nothing you're saying is relevant to the post, so it makes your anger even more palpable. There isn't a single man on this site who has caused you any harm (physical or otherwise), and I'm betting 99% of the men on the planet haven't either. You cannot blame every man for something one (or a few) did. All that does is give him (or them) the power over you and make it impossible for you to form healthy relationships.

      This site isn't the place to take out anger issues leftover from traumatic experiences. Here is one of the many sites that can offer support:

      Visit Hopeforhealing.org

      1. "There is a lot of anger and emotion spilling out from this comment. Nothing you’re saying is relevant to the post, so it makes your anger even more palpable."

        I have to respectfully disagree. She's displaying the "emotion" justly. This discussion is open right? And her emotional spill just proved a point of how the truth can truly affect a woman….even when she's typing.

        It brings up another point: does truth beget another truth? Essentially her emotion is a truth in itself because emotions do not lie. What better way that to emote a summarize, repressed truth about the one that you genuinely respected/loved, yet you presented one of your own? Reactions are a product of truth as well. To say this is not the place is kinda biased because I'm pretty sure that most of the women in here FELT something from this post as you recalled a bad experience with "the truth". The difference is….most of you thought before you responded. Your thoughts?

        (folds arms)

        1. I respectfully co-sign…

          I embrace emotional responses… If I didn't, then my chances of being with women in general in a high quality way would suck as me looking myself in the mirror…

          I'm glad she posted on a blog rather than go into a public place and shoot up a few people #badreference…

          She'll be ok…

        2. Ummm, okay.

          If I'm not mistaken (and someone please correct me if I am), this post was about how women aren't receptive to hearing the truth when they are seeking out insight/perspective/advice from men. This post was not about how someone was "untruthful" by being a rapist. I'm not knocking the girl's emotions at all, especially considering that I can sadly relate to what she is talking about. I'm just stating it's not relevant to the topic, and clearly I'm not alone as there wouldn't be several people commenting on how far to the left this comment was. Maybe I'm just not understanding what you're saying here, but I still am not in the least bit convinced that this was relevant.

          Whether or not any of the women FELT something from this piece does not negate that this is not the proper place to try and work out emotional issues that run that deep. As for the rest of them thinking before commenting, just because they didn't take the time doing it here doesn't mean there weren't comments elsewhere about how far to the left this was. In fact, I find it quite hilarious that there is not one, but two, responses to my comment made with nothing but good intentions and no snark considering some of the other responses here by some of my beloved fellow commenters.

          As far as being welcoming to emotional responses, I'm very open to them. I, however, will not encourage someone who clearly is dealing with REAL emotional issues that very few men can even begin to comprehend to come onto a blog site to work them out. Ever. Yes, it's preferable to shooting people down in the streets, but it's not the solution to what she's dealing with. I couldn't be more sympathetic to her point if I tried, but I still don't think this is the place for it.

          I apologize if some of you take it as me trying to shut her down, but that wasn't the intention. *shrugs*

  35. Ima go ahead and say what I know everyone is else is thinking more or less:
    What in the blue hell are you talking about?! I'm so damn confused right now…straight out left field…

  36. Hey Streetz. Are you attempting to beat Slim in the number of comments received? Just kidding…Sort of. I agree with you in the sense that women can’t handle the truth about men… When it comes to romantic relationships. I think with my heart and love with my mind, so I can’t necessarily say this is true for me. This is true for most of my female friends though. Men are not all the same, except for when it comes to sex. Heterosexual men are all the same when it comes to sex. It is damn near impossible to turn off a man’s engine once it’s been started. I think it’s safe to say men get upset when they want to have sex and are denied. I am 24 and I’ve realized that men close to my age not only get angry, but they flip out. I no longer date men (close to my age) due to these flip outs, unless they’ve proven otherwise. I’ve realized that men close to 30 or 30 and up get upset, but don’t flip out. They’re upset, but they don’t make me feel as if it is my obligation to have sex with them, which is why they don’t get kicked out of my life the way The younger men do. The truth definitely hurts for women who can’t handle it. However, you say, “This is not a generalization but an observation that I had for a while.” Isn’t an observation a generalization on a personal/individual level? Okay, now this is the part of the post that I can not go along with. Since when have humans been force fed the notion of men being “simple creatures” and women being emotional creatures”? It’s not a force fed notion. It’s a fact. Men wouldn’t have such a hard time having sex with us if our emotions didn’t go hand-in-hand with sex. Matter of fact, this website wouldn’t exist if this distinction didn’t exist. Overall, men are simple and women are emotional. Does the average man cry when his woman accepts his marriage proposal? Does the average woman not tell her girlfriends about the first kiss between her and the man she can’t stop thinking about? Does the average man flaunt and brag to all his friends about the karat size of his wedding ring/band? Does the average woman who’s had sex with a man she’s elated over immediately let him go after he’s done her wrong? You can hate these terms all you want, but these terms reflect reality. Good men tell the truth via actions/words and boys, aka men in training, tell lies via actions/words. Good men are outnumbered by men in training. The average woman has dated or been in relationships with a man in training, so cut these women some slack until these Men in training step their truth game up. Truthful women, who keep it real with themselves, will not mess up a good thing with a good man.

    1. I concede…

      Stereotypes are stereotypes because there is alot of truth to them…

      but just like the Good Men/Men In Training ratio is effed up… it equally applies to women also

      As a man I used to believe that Good Women/Women ratio In Training was gravy in my favor… but it is neck in neck with the Good Men/Men In Training…

      Good Post…

  37. why does this post and subsequent comments reek of the men trying to make the women more yielding to their own points of views only.the truth is relative.the truth to you is as a result of your own personal experiences or your own values….maybe your own value system and experiences have shaped the way you expect women to behave and your subsequent reaction to them behaving otherwise would be all you have illustrated which is ….your own truth….it might simply differ from another guy's "truth" with different life experiences and values afterall not all men have the same reactions to situations.

    For example, I have met men,who would tell you that if they catch their babe cheating, that will be the end and i have met those who would b willing to forgive and i have even met those who would call up the other nigger like only a woman would and beg him to leave their babes alone,are u saying all these 3 men would have the same "truth"

  38. I see woman in this town intiidated by guys that are no body's and that act like hayseed's with no consideration to the woman,and the woman act like tomboys all nervous and on edge all time, like they cant handle a real conversation, and are totally legalistic,

    small town in kansas,

    I wouldnt even ask them out for anything, im a whIte man and id take a down to earth black woman ANYTIME,

    im tired of all the stupid games caucasian ones play like mind games and hyper all the time, with no values,

    If a black lady understands this then get back to me ok,

    wondering???????? and miffed,

  39. Oh please. Noone likes to hear a woman's opinion on things either. I've told men what they don't want to hear and they rarely ever want to hear it. That's human nature not women. Oh, and honestly, I wish i could dunk your post in the toilet.

LEAVE YOUR COMMENT

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get SBM Delivered

Get SBM Delivered

Single Black Male provides dating and relationship
advice for today's single looking for love

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest

Shares
Share This