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Is Church the New Dating Scene?

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Lord, let her have a big heart, a good soul and a P-H-A-T @ss!!!

Website: http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com Twitter: @WisdomIsMisery

A friend of the family recently invited me to church with her. Probably not a big deal to most people, but I don’t go to church. I have my reasons but they’re not really important to the context of this blog. Admittedly, had she not been a friend of the family I would have turned her down but you know how that goes. I figured I’d be polite.

However, I found it off putting the manner in which she asked me to attend and then the subsequent reason she advised I go. For one, when she found out I didn’t go to church she didn’t bother to venture further into my belief in or relationship with God or why I don’t attend church. Instead, she launched into a spill about my obvious sinful ways, a myriad of other poorly conceived theories and then she offered what I thought to be  a weird conciliatory price for my attendance, though I have heard it mentioned before. Upon finding out I didn’t have a girlfriend she demanded suggested I go to church because “there are a lot of good, single women there.”

Now, I don’t go to church but if I did it wouldn’t be to find women. Honestly, that seems like a weird reason for me to attend and for someone to suggest I attend. Logically, I guess it is not that strange of a concept. If you are looking for a kindred Christian spirit, then I guess the church would be the best place to look, as opposed to say the club or Starbucks. Nevertheless, I’m not sure I would view church as the ‘hook up’ spot. Then again, what do I know.

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I’m getting older and even though I’m not technically looking for anything serious, I’m always looking for something serious. For example, I was talking to a friend who was getting married and she wasn’t sure if she would be able to reserve the venue she wanted because you had to be a member of the church in order for them to host the wedding. I had really never considered this.  I didn’t even know this was the case at any church, because when it comes to weddings – like most men – just tell me the day, the time and where to stand. I could really care less about anything else.

My friend and her husband-to-be (but more her than him I’m sure) were debating if they should join the church so they could have their wedding there. To me, this is akin to the people who only go to church on Sundays coinciding with major holidays like Easter, New Year’s Eve and Christmas and then call themselves devout religious church goers as if they can build up credit with God. This seemed like quite the sacrifice in my opinion for one day but I know how women feel about their weddings so I dared not question her wisdom.

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These experiences did make me wonder if I met a woman and fell in love, would I be willing to join a church or a religion to be with her? I’m not sure. While this hasn’t been a major issue in the past – it has been a minor one in the fact that some women I’ve dated would have preferred I went to church with them – it might become an area of serious contention in the future. Especially when it comes to family.

Sure, the woman who loves me might get over my beliefs but what about her family, assuming they are devoutly religious? In addition, how would we raise our kids? Furthermore, would I be willing to lose a woman I love simply because I’m not willing to join or convert and vise versa, would she be willing to lose me? Can you really be upset at a person for trying to improve or strengthen your relationship with God, even if you don’t agree with their methods?

I’m happy to bring the readers into the discussion: So including the questions above, do you attend church in the hopes of finding someone who is already demonstrating shared religious values? Have you had success? If so, do you find men/women you meet at church more compatible with your needs than meeting strangers through random dating situations? Where do you non-church members aka “sinful heathens” go to meet men and women of marriage worthy quality? And if your first thought is ‘the club’ slap yo self three times with two bibles…

Comment(137)

  1. i would never attend church for the purpose of meeting women. something about that just seems wrong to me. i'm supposed to be there to concentrate on the word of God not thinking about my next date.

    as far as your questions are concerned i don't think i could marry a woman who wasn't Christian and didn't attend church regularly. i know how i want my children to be raised and it will be a lot easier for that to happen if both of their parents have the same religious beliefs.

    my sister was raised Christian but married a man who believes in Islam. i've always wondered how they raise my nephews and nieces. since i'm not in the same area and my sister and i don't converse like that i'm left to my theories.

  2. wow black folk(women in particular), relationships and religion/spirituality make for interesting debate/discourse to say the least! i'm going get some popcorn for this post, i have feelin comments/opinion are going be all over the place.

    but to answer your question I do believe more ppl than you think goto church in hopes of finding a mate/spouse.

    There tends to be more single women in most black churches, so a single brother looking could definitely find possible dates in a black church. I have heard stories(more than one) abt some single church women competing for single brothers.

    I have friends in the DMV area that tell me all the time that the "singles ministry" events and retreats at certain churches in DMV area be packed and just as popping(for God of course) as some clubs.

    And one friend was telling me that a drummer in her church has the pick of the liter of single women in her church(basically he has groupies). He has dated various women in the church(whither sexual relations were involved i don't know).

    So i do know for a fact ppl are hooking up/meeting/dating ppl in churches. I'm firm believer that anywhere you put single men and women together, hooking up/dating are inevitable, so why not in the church?

    1. As far as offending anyone, I think I tread pretty lightly but we'll see. lol Such is the risk when speaking of the church.

      Seeing as I don't regularly attend church this "singles ministry" is news to me although I see it mentioned quite a few times in the comments below. I guess that makes sense not that I get it but I obviously dont have a full undestanding of it either.

      I actually use to regularly attend church with my family and/or god mother, who was methodist (I lived that country life), up until around 10 or so. For one, we moved to another city and for two she passed away a few years after that. However, even when I did go, for the longest time I was too young to understand so it mostly consisted of me being told to "keep quiet" while my mind wandered or I entertained myself reading or coloring.

      As I got older, I payed more attention but I guess I still didn't develop a relationship with the church because I stopped going when given the opportunity. There were other factors but I don't feel like going into all of the details. Anyway, point is because of my background, which I think plays the heaviest roll in determining a lot of people's beliefs, I believe in God and pray/talk to him all the time. It's really only the church aspect I do not particpate in.

      *shrugs* That's a brief synopsis of my story. This whole dating and church thing is a new phenom to me but maybe that's only because I dont actively go.

  3. I am active in several ministries at my church Mime and Drama being two of them which means that I am always in the forefront and people know who I am in the church and that kind of throws things off for me, Why? When you are very active in your church and a MAN, women find it very attractive. As you know it is hard to get men to do anything at church. So when they see you working for God some of them start to acquire about you amongst themselves. The problem with that is as a man you may have your eyes on someone that you want to talk to but now your name is being spread as a hot commodity within the church and it may become difficult for you to date b/c everyone will be in your mix or business. I am still willing to date in the church but I would like my relationship with that woman to be private.

  4. I dont attend church for personal spiritual gain because I'm not a Christian however oddly enough I attend a Methodist College and I'm in the Acapella choir. I say all that to say that I spend alot of time touring churches with the choir and I meet ALOT of church folk. They are nice people when u r singing for them, but when we get off stage and actually meet them they can be very different. Not all but most of the time I'm approached by the guy who catches the Holy Spirit in the front row and is about 10-15 years older than me. (no bueno!) if you are trying to find a life partner i suggest u get as far away from a church as possible! Lol trust me the tight nit circles that make up the church can be ruthless. If you aren't a believer or saved expect to be judged. If you really want to meet a nice down to earth chick I suggest you volunteer. I think there is potential to meet a genuinely nice person when you put yourself in a position of being positively productive. Plus volunteering is a good look. as far as dating someone of a different faith I think it can be a successful relationship as long as there is respect and both parties keep an open mind.

  5. I recently joined a new church and one of the first things my counselor said was "I might even find my wife here." I'm like, first of all yeah.. and second umm no. I know they have a big push at my church for the single ministry and they seem pretty active too. Once I read the title of the post, I was like NO! NO! NO!!

    But past meeting someone, I think church and religion has to be discussed. It just makes the walk a little easier in my opinion. I'm a believer!!

    1. In undergrad, I was attending a fairly large church (2500-3000) members. I liked it because I met some good people. But those single ministry people always come across a little too thirsty for me. Its almost like they expect they will meet their spouse there. Or they are over compensating for other major character flaws.

      Personally, I would want a wife whose spiritual relationship with God strong (stronger than mine). I think it would drive me to be a better person. #kanye shrug

  6. I think many people do go to church to hook up. In my church,many join the youth choir for that sole purpose. I guess it makes sense if you want to meet like-minded folk. I've learnt that it's really hard for me to date someone who's not of the same religious persuasions as I am,at about the same intensity as well,whether we're having kids or not. Religion is a big deal,and it can be a dealbreaker. One guy I dated was from church. It ended because we grew differently in our faiths and he became condescending. Where do I meet guys? At the club-though this has happened once,and he was a friend of my friend. Usually through friends,school,parties,social events,work…

  7. I routinely attend church, but I would never go to church in hopes of finding a husband..All the men in my church are significantly older (Im 27) and/or married. Now, I am single, and would love to meet a man who is not afraid of attending church, or better yet, has his own church home. It is important for my significant other and I to have God in our relationship as much as possible, because I do believe it not only strengthens the relationship, it dissolves a lot of arguments, brings us closer as individuals to God and sets foundation for our future children. My ex boyfriend has his own church home and we would struggle about which church to attend almost every week. I honestly dont know what I would do if I had to choose. I love my church..really. Right now, Im trying the online dating scene and hanging out in lounges and at happy hour to meet new people.

  8. Well,

    That story about your friend joining a church to have the wedding there reminds me of myself…I actually had to do that. Then I still didn't end up having the wedding there after all…But, I did end up going quite regularly, in spite of that…

    I don't think you should go to church with the sole idea in mind to meet ANYONE. If you happen to meet someone during an event or social gathering…then see where it goes if you want..just like anywhere else you meet someone…in can go one of two ways..it can be a negative or a positive..give the person a chance based on their own merit..not because you did or did not meet them in the church.

    As far as finding Men more compatible in church…in one sense, perhaps that is the case..but, not necessarily in a broad sense. I read somewhere that couples who are married and attend church regularly…there marriages are ending at an alarming rate. the stats on that are high. So, church doesn't exactly equal success in a relationship or a marriage. It should..but it clearly doesn't. It's really about the relationship with God not with the Church (but that is a whole other topic).

    I have a friend right now..she is a deaconess in the church and her husband is a deacon..its a well know DMV mega church. They are active in the ministries and married for over ten years..she caught him creeping. He was sending "inappropriate" texts on his phone to a woman…no telling what else he was doing. They're still together and trying to work it out..but, stuff like this happens all the time…

    One final story, I was attending this church here in philly regularly and I stopped. One of the reasons was because one of the minister's would keep staring at me from the pulpit every Sunday..he was married, and it made me so uncomfortable..he would point and whisper in the other ministers ear…and he would do that to other women as well….so, there are all kinds of men in church…the good, the bad and the ugly.

    Excellent post WIM!.

    1. It's commonly reported that Christians have higher divorce rates than the general population. This incorrect information based on a survey done by the Sun News in South Carolina.

      In reality…

      Evangelical Christians have a divorce rate of 26%, much lower than the national average. People of non-Christian denominations have a divorce rate of 38%, also lower than the national average. The reason why atheists and agnostics have much lower divorce rates because they have much lower rates of marriage. 78% of Christians marry. Atheists and Agnostics marry at a rate of 65%. Here is a great article that presents the facts.

      http://www.opposingviews.com/i/do-christians-have

  9. I don't go to church with a purpose of finding a mate, however, I think it is a logical place to interact to likeminded people, especially if you are active in your church. That has the potential to lead to a relationship. Being on one accord when it comes to practicing faith and attending church is important for me and is one of my dealbreakers. I could not be in a romantic relationship with someone who does not share my faith.

    Interestingly, although I'm definitely a church girl, I've never had a relationship with someone I've met at church. It's been through volunteer activities like tutoring/community service or through school/work or one online. I hadn't really thought about that. But while I may not have met people at church, the other organizations were faith based.

  10. You're not going to get anyone to admit they go to church to find men. The readership of SBM never admits to doing anything wrong, lol. Why would they show out in public that the real reason they connect with the stories and articles so much is because they've been there themselves before? Anyway…

    I grew up in the church, like IN THE CHURCH. I played the keys for our youth choir and we travelled everywhere. Those church vans got more mileage than college freshmen. One time the entire youth choir was suspended and a deacon was kicked off the board because they found out some chick got fingered on the back row and there was drinking… Mind you, all these people are under 18. I had like two girlfriends at my church and I never slept with any of them. But I know that a lot of people did sleep with their church girlfriends… How do I know this? Because of all the chicks who got pregnant! This was also the beginning of the end for me at church, I just couldn't vibe with this type of egregious behavior and the fact that the Pastor didn't kick them out after they got pregnant. Two chicks were pregnant by the same dude. So from a youth standpoint, yes, lots of dating or messing around goes on in church.

    You're going to get some women who will say, why not meet a man at church? At least you know he's a man of God. That's not all the way false, in fact, it's a good point. I don't think anyone should go to church to meet a man, but if they should happen to be in a church and choosing between a guy in the Singles Ministry and a guy at the Safeway, go with the guy at church. Men on the other hand… I don't know man. I know that men will be men at all times even in the face of the lord.

    Which brings me to my final point.. there's no dress code at church!!! Why do women come into church looking better than they do at Spearmint Rhino? I've never seen higher heels, greasier legs, tighter and shorter dresses, nails done and hair, lip gloss popping, push up bras… talking bout… "Give God your best." Women who wear boy shorts everyday of the week, put on a thong to go to church to avoid a panty line. Something's just not right with this picture… and then people wonder why people are dating at church. Goes back to why men do everything since the age of 13, "It's hoes in there."

        1. DC, Maryland, Virgina Tristate area.

          I always thought it was Dept. of Motor Vehicles, but you learn something from them southern folks.

        2. If someone tells you they're from the DMV, they are not from DC. Trust me on that. So really what it means is Maryland and Virginia…

        3. We don't even have a Dept. of Motor Vehicles in MD. We have the MVA. Motor Vehicle Administration.

          Correction to Dr. J. DMV means DC and the immediate Suburbs around DC. If you live inside the beltway you are in the DMV.

          But I know what you mean J. People from the city just say they are from DC. But they still might use the DMV or the predecessor word…"the area"

    1. Clarification please. Did you have a problem with the egregious behavior of the "chicks who got pregnant" and the boys who impregnated them or just the chicks? Did you have a problem with the girls/boys not being kicked out of the choir or not being kicked out of the church? Inquiring minds.

      1. Here we go… someone always assumes someone is attacking the ladies. No, both included, boys and girls. And I just find it hard to go with having teenage girls who are pregnant sitting in church like when you seen it happening. Like a mistake is a mistake. But like you knew they "go together" you see them boo'ed up in church, they like 15 and then she's pregnant. In my opinion I would step in and be like, "Yo… maybe you guys need sometime away." It's basically happening right up under your nose, blatant disrespect for your House of God.

        1. LOL! Hey, at least I asked for clarification before I went in on you. You did say this:

          “How do I know this? Because of all the chicks who got pregnant! This was also the beginning of the end for me at church, I just couldn’t vibe with this type of egregious behavior and the fact that the Pastor didn’t kick them out after they got pregnant.”

          But I’m in agreement that adults need to intervene with both the boys and the girls. They need to be at church (and bible study and prayer meeting and everything else) but both need to step down from the choir and they should not be all boo’ed up. It is disrespectful and the bible is rife with examples of God not playing with those before the congregation cutting the fool.

    2. You’re not going to get anyone to admit they go to church to find men. The readership of SBM never admits to doing anything wrong, lol.

      1. That is so effin true &

      2. If I haven't already, at some point I will admit my foibles… I love taking a honest look at myself at times and see if I can make any adjustments

      Good Post!

    3. The sooner we get it out of our heads that church is a place for perfect people, the clearer everything'll be.

      Church, like the club, your work, the gym, starbucks involves some sort of socializing. If you constantly go to church even at least once a week, you are forming some sort of social relationship with the people there. THAT IS THE FOUNDATION FOR ANY RELATIONSHIP. so it is highly probable that you will meet people u are attracted to there.

      2. Almost everyone says they want a "God-fearing" man or woman, hooking up with someone at church means the person has at least some regard for God. Even if the person is coming to church for ulterior motives, there is a high likelihood that some sermons would make it through to the person.

      3. per ur church experience, why did you expect the pastor to chase out the people who got pregnant/behaved inappriopriately. The church is supposed to attract sinners and the most imperfect of people. Of course there should be some repercussions for bad behaviour (even the bible says, those that sin should be disciplined with love so that others may take heed) but chasing them out of church is definitely not the way to go.

      1. @bumight Loved the comment & this is someone who thinks about pu**y all the time, so I am a well practiced sinner GOD-fearing man…

        Most leaders of the church do not lead a lifestyle (that if I was a full-time Christian), would want to model after… And that is more egregious than those pregnancies because you have people under you who listen to you every Sunday… Just sayin that pastor can have major influence when representing Christ

        And on a deeper level… They can feel the energy you bring (holy or sinful) to that church community, so with THAT… that will make or break that particular church community

      2. I agree with you. You may meet a nice person at church, the gym, or a poetry spot. After you get to know them you may be able to find compatibility on all levels physically, emotionally, and SPIRITUALLY. As someone who is saved, I consider the church to be inside me. I hope to meet someone who feels the same; therefore the "where" we meet with be insignificant.

  11. LOL! Hey, at least I asked for clarification before I went in on you. You did say this:

    "How do I know this? Because of all the chicks who got pregnant! This was also the beginning of the end for me at church, I just couldn’t vibe with this type of egregious behavior and the fact that the Pastor didn’t kick them out after they got pregnant."

    But I'm in agreement that adults need to intervene with both the boys and the girls. They need to be at church (and bible study and prayer meeting and everything else) but both need to step down from the choir and they should not be all boo'ed up. It is disrespectful and the bible is rife with examples of God not playing with those before the congregation cutting the fool.

  12. I've been a faithful member of Bedside Baptist for years now and it's awesome. Always get prime seating, you can rock sweatpants and comfy socks and I'm always on time for the football games. :0P

    My parents forced us to go to church at an early age and I grew up resenting alot of the things I saw while there. I used to attend a small church in Lackawanna, NY. If any of you have ever seen that HBO film Lackawanna Blues it was based on that same small town. Anyway after seeing/hearing stuff like: buying the Pastor a brand new car because his own hoopty would make him look bad in the eyes of other local Pastors, completely remodeling the parsonage because his wife hated it and then they wound up going somewhere else, using church funds to help the wife finish her degree while there was a hole in the roof and a busted hot water heater, said Pastor was also busted having multiple affairs with members of the congregation.

    I've had many people at work tell me [in the DMV] that church is the best hook up spot too so I believe everything the OP says about it. SMDH

    1. I'm from Queens, NY and I also attended a small church. Dating would not have worked at my church because the only men there were the ones that attended with their wives. It seemed llike most of my friends attended similar small churches.

      It wasnt until I moved to Richmond, VA that I began to experience the Mega Church. It is definitely a dating scene. I saw women wear spandex dresses. lol!

      1. I'm from Richmond and always attended a small church. its in the hood though. the "popular" mega church now is St. Pauls. its really good and lots of services but I only go if invited with friends, because megachurches are something I'm still getting used to myself.

        1. Yes!!! That is the church I went to with the spandex wearing women! lol!!!

          But on the flip side… Most of the nice educated black men that I meet attend St Paul.

  13. Since I'm not religious, going to church to hunt for someone still doesn't register regardless of how many times I've been invited. First, I'm not sitting through some windbag service looking around at all the women dressed up in Sunday's finest. I'd feel…well…kind of wrong. I hear of dudes regardless of faith (or lack thereof) using this predatory method in order to bag a few and have heard plenty of stories of the freaks in church.

    I'll leave all that to you pulpit and pew players.

    1. "Since I’m not religious, going to church to hunt for someone still doesn’t register regardless of how many times I’ve been invited. First, I’m not sitting through some windbag service looking around at all the women dressed up in Sunday’s finest. I’d feel…well…kind of wrong."

      Yeah, when invited I usually politely turn it down. This was dif because it was a friend of the fam so I was kind of obligated. However, when I do go it is always a surreal experience when I see fine women walking around. Especially if said fine women are dressed in, let's say, "an interesting choice of attire" for worshipping in my humble opinion. Then I spend half the time looking down and feeling guilty because….welp…..I'm a man. And I'll just leave it at that.

      Even with that said, I still don't approach women before, during, or after church. Just seems wrongs to me.

  14. do you attend church in the hopes of finding someone who is already demonstrating shared religious values? Have you had success? If so, do you find men/women you meet at church more compatible with your needs than meeting strangers through random dating situations?

    i have never sought out women as a reason to go to church; to me the main reason is the Word being preached, and the involvement in the community. that being said, if i meet a single lady that goes to my church, and is cute… Win Win Win #Khaled

    <– grew up in the chuuch as well

  15. The most important thing you can remember is that….

    Church going does not equal Christian.

    After years of contemplating this subject I have concluded that I do not go to church regularly or date "church girls" because I don't like "church folk." They are just too hypocrytical, too judgemental, too fake, too gossipy. Not all but a great many are in love with "church" more than they are with God. And many of them are great at using God and there knowledge of the Bible to seduce women or men.

    I desire a Christian women but the black church today is lost in many ways. If it works for you then please continue. But I don't want to marry "church folk." I just want a real Christian.

    Also, with many church women….the pastor will have more sway in your home then you will as a husband. This is why pastors always want their women to bring the man to meet them. Or encourage the women to choose men that are members. So he won't lose control over her. He wants a man that is under his control.

    And many men in church are already married or gay. And many good smart men don't attend church because they are not gonna submit to a fake pastor. Street dudes know pimps when they see them.

    1. Sadly, this somewhat mirrors my overall opinions. I'd prefer a Christian women but I am not driven by that purpose. Meaning that I could be with a woman with different beliefs than my own. As I said above, I think that is more a reflection of both how I was raised and the man I've become over the years because of my own experiences.

    2. "And many men in church are already married or gay. And many good smart men don’t attend church because they are not gonna submit to a fake pastor. "

      ok, piggy-backing off of this last comment, how do you think the 5 remaining single black non-gay men that go to church (i forgot to include myself… 6), can change the prevailing stereotypes?

      FWIW, the main thing with my church isn't the lack of men, it's the diminishing amount of folks our generation that are attending….since we're in the process of looking for a new pastor, i think that will be kept in the back of people's heads.

      1. The black church now is adapted for black women. Everything about it is designed to keep women entertained. Like "Touch your neighbor and say blah blah blah." What straight dude touches his boy and says sarcastic ish like a homo. (no disrespect to homos)

        Sometimes when I listed to TD Jakes I could swear that bamma is a little light in the lofers.

        In Islam they seperate the men and women. The men sort of chop it up like we do at the barbers shop. On a religous tip.

        They problem is the church itself. It's about entertaining women.

        Convincing men to go to church now is like convincing them to go see a chick flick…..while the pastor sits there and makes fun of them all night.

        1. They problem is the church itself. It’s about entertaining women.

          Go one step farther with that:

          In order to prolong subjugation, the women must be entertained.

    3. ^THIS..entire statement! Since I've moved down to the DMV some of the fakest, most disingenous people I've met are these so-called "christian folks". I swear, some people actually believe that you can sin Mon-Sat and still get absolved by attending Sunday morning services.

      True story: one of the guys at my lunch table got upset because we clowned him about how his mega church was trying to collect money to buy their pastor a helicopter so he wouldn't have to get stuck on the beltway like the normal people.

      1. Yeah the old pimp stereotype is not just a stereotype. Alot of pastors are guys that have always been good at making women do what they want. They have found a career which allows them to do what they do well. Run their mouth and manipulate women.

        I don't understand how so many of these churches can take all your money….but probably won't give you a dime if you need it.

        I've heard in Islam you can go to the mosque for a home loan and they won't charge interest.

      2. I'm pretty active at my church, so I don't go to other churches to meet women. I don't try to get with the women at my church because, well, let's just say they are beautiful people…on the inside.

        I think meeting someone at church would be much more successful for men than women. There are plenty of single young women in the church, but if you're a woman, as Peter Parker said, good luck with the six non-married straight guys there. It's like pulling teeth to get the average under-30-years old black man to go to church if you invite them, so it's not going to be easy finding a guy there who wasn't dragged there by some other woman who's trying to sleep with him.

        1. "How did my comment end up here?"

          Probably that never-ending feud between Peter Parker and Eddie Brock got you confused?

          #spiderman3sucks

        2. "Probably that never-ending feud between Peter Parker and Eddie Brock got you confused?"

          I feel ashamed to call myself a fan of comics. Why is it that after all this time, all the times you've commented here, I never caught the "Eddie Brock" reference? I think I just lost my nerd status.

          (hanging head in shame and embarrassment)

        3. @Eddie This literally made me chortle

          @Hugh I'm not a huge comic book fan, but I know that it took me a hot minute to get the reference as well.

        4. Woo-hoo! I done stumped an old school comic fan and made a pretty girl smile. Well that's my time folks….I'm out.

          *exits like George Costanza*

  16. I haven't consistently gone to church since I was in high school (meaning under my parents roof). I've been going a bit more lately but its hit or miss usually. Here a few things from my head…

    1. Going to church with the main purpose of finding a mate, no bueno. Just like going to college to find one. You're missing out on the main purpose of the experience.

    2. Having to join a church to have a wedding there? Not gonna happen. There are plenty of churches that you can have a ceremony that won't have you become a member. I'd rather pay to use their building than join a church I don't have a connection to (currently looking for a location for my wedding ceremony fyi)

    3. I feel like I have a better relationship with God now than I have in a long time if not ever and this is just me doing me and my daily walk.

  17. I swore off church and organized religion years ago…like a good 15 years. I didn't trust preachers and thought the congregation were close-minded wackos. Early this year my Hindu grandmother found God and Christianity. She even got 4 more members of my fam who grew up Hindu, to attend a Christian church. Then she came to me. She's in her 80's and one of my best friends so I did it for her. She made me promise to go to 5 services. Now I go every Sunday. I take what I want and leave what I disagree with. I tithe, pray, and learn. Looking for men isn't even on my mind but I'm not going to knock the hustle.

    1. "I take what I want and leave what I disagree with."

      I think this is the best way to go about it. and most things, actually. Its awesome that you found a place you enjoy enough to want to go every week. I'm still looking.

      1. It's okay. My grandma loves this place so I go for her. The preacher is okay but it's one of those churches where people scream and catch the holy ghost (which I'm not crazy about) but overrall the message is good. It's hard to find a place that meets all your needs.

    2. "I take what I want and leave what I disagree with."

      This is the female credo about life. Like not just religion, but everything in the world. Streetz are you reading this?

  18. I want to ask the ladies a question. Would any of you ever consider dating or marrying an atheist? My best friend is an atheist and we talk alot about this a lot.

    He is a good guy, runs his own business, and has high morals. Dating is frustrating for him because once the subject comes up, the ladies automatically assume he is a bad guy because he doesn't believe in God. The fact is, he is the most decent guy I know. So if any of you met this kind of dude would you still give him a chance?

    1. Granted I have a p*nis so this wasn't directed towards me I do have somewhat of an experience in a conflict of beliefs.

      The chick I was with in college wasn't very religious. She would go to church with people but personally she believed in God and that was that. We stopped talking once when the discussion of dating different religions came up somehow. I was sick, honestly. After about a week I called my cousin, who is a minister, and talked to him about it he cleared up a lot for me. Basically, it came down to it not being wrong and I could be the person that brings my mate to Christ.

      Ever since then I have said I will date anyone I have a connection with no matter their belief.

      Sidenote: I think a good number of people would want someone to convert for them but wouldn't be willing to convert for someone else. My solution? Don't ask someone to convert. If they respect your beliefs then you should be able to do the same for them. Throw all of that raising kids and other hullabaloo out the window, yes it MAY be easier if you haven't done it, but I don't think it matters overall.

    2. I wouldn't kick him to the curb because of his Non-religious beliefs.

      We all know too well just becuase you believe in God or is God fearing doesn't mean that person is an upright good person. (Jim Baker, Jimmy Swaggert, Gene Profetta (sp) I'm looking at you.)

      As long as he didn't try to convert me — WE COOL

    3. There was an entire post on here about this (which I would link, but I really can't find the desire to go and search it out). The discussion was really interesting. If I remember correctly, there were quite a few women who wouldn't be able to date an atheist, but there were a couple of us who said we would.

    4. Granted I'm so this wasn’t directed towards me I do have somewhat of an experience in a conflict of beliefs.

      The chick I was with in college wasn’t very religious. She would go to church with people but personally she believed in God and that was that. We stopped talking once when the discussion of dating different religions came up somehow. I was sick, honestly. After about a week I called my cousin, who is a minister, and talked to him about it he cleared up a lot for me. Basically, it came down to it not being wrong and I could be the person that brings my mate to Christ.

      Ever since then I have said I will date anyone I have a connection with no matter their belief.

      Sidenote: I think a good number of people would want someone to convert for them but wouldn’t be willing to convert for someone else. My solution? Don’t ask someone to convert. If they respect your beliefs then you should be able to do the same for them. Throw all of that raising kids and other hullabaloo out the window, yes it MAY be easier if you haven’t done it, but I don’t think it matters overall.

    5. Yeah, like Sane said, I tried to direct link you to the post she is referring to even though another writer, Dr. Jay, wrote it. Hey, if the boys cant have none……!

      Despite my good intentions, my comment was lost to the netherworld of 'spam.' If you want to find that article, go up to the top left of the website and search for "atheist."

      It'll be the first post. God speed!

      …see what I did there?

    6. Dating an atheist would spark some interest debates to say the least. The very fact that a man says he doesn't believe in God negates his disbelief. Stating the disbelief is an acknowledgement of His existence! I'd date an atheist and end up teasing him about being a "closet believer."

      SN: Anybody ever notice how "atheists" are the first ones to shout "Oh my God" when something goes down?

      1. I think you mean you would date an antitheist to tease him.

        Antitheism and atheism aren't the same thing. Antitheism means against or in opposition to God. They believe if their is a God it would be a bad thing. Atheism means without God. They dont believe in the existence of God, Santa Claus,the toothfairy or anything that cant be proven.

        1. Exactly!

          People think because a person is atheist, they don't have a belief system.

          that's like saying something that's asexual can't reproduce.

          Bacteria are asexual, they multiply.

          Buddhism is an atheist belief system.

        2. Thank you much for the clarification, sir. The lines between anti-theism and atheism tend to blur a bit for me.

        1. I don't understand your question. I choose who I want to date, who I want to marry, etc. So I would determine all of that before I say I do. Being that I, the mother, would do most of the parenting, I would like the children to be under my faith. This is a reason why some won't marry someone outside of their beliefs. I will never raise athiest kids. I would project my Christian beliefs unto my children. That's natural.

        2. Who does more parenting is not a reason for you to be able to pick what, if any, religious beliefs your children have.

          If your husband makes more money does he get to make all of the financial decisions? What if he wants to put you on an allowance?

          So what happens if he doesn't want to cede the decision of how the kids are religiously raised? I'm pretty sure you're Christian moral/values can be passed down without the kids being Christian.

        3. I said these are my reasons, they don't have to be your reasons. Everyone decides what's important to them in life. For me, spirituality is important (whether I go to church or not). This will indeed spill over into my parenting. I cannot raise a child and not acknowledge who I believe to be their creator. Any man I marry is going to have to understand this. I'm not saying he has to believe but any person that comes out of me is a part of me. Also, raising a child does not compare to managing finances.

      1. Wondering about this comment as well. Wouldn't it be ok to teach the children to be ethical and the importance of having high moral character, and then letting them make the decision of whether they want to be religious, spritual, atheist, deist, or whatever?

        No shots at Christianity.

        1. Well yes in a fair world. I raise my daughter to have good morals with or without religion. That's my duty as a parent. Now if we're discussing religion, I tell my daughter what I believe…because it's what I believe. I couldn't teach her something I don't believe in. Also, it's impossible not to have that convo and just leave it up to them because children ask. What would you tell them? "Honey, you believe what you want." They don't know anything about religion but will surely hear about it whether it be in school, etc. They will ask you who GOD is and you will have to answer. Whether you're Christian, Muslim, Athiest, etc..in some way you will project your beliefs unto your child. It's almost impossible to avoid.

        2. LiteBriteGuy: “Wouldn’t it be ok to teach the children to be ethical and the importance of having high moral character, and then letting them make the decision of whether they want to be religious, spritual, atheist, deist, or whatever?”

          Yes, that is perfectly fine, but morals aren’t religion.

          I’m not sure of your religious beliefs, but let’s say you are a Bible-believing Christian, for sake of argument. You do believe in an afterlife. You know that having high moral character isn’t the point, because no matter how “high” it is, no matter how good of a person you are by our mutual standards, you are still imperfect. You know your goodness doesn’t get you into heaven because your goodness can never be good enough. After all, John 3:16 doesn’t say, For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever has high moral character should not perish, but have everlasting life.

          It is ultimately up to your child to make a decision, but at the same time you “know” (again, for the sake of argument) the fate of those that reject Christ. So, if those are your beliefs, wouldn’t you want your child to at least be armed with that information? They can (and will) decide what they do with those beliefs when they become adults, but if you love your children, wouldn’t you want to see them saved (again, for the sake of argument, assuming that Christian eschatology is true)?

          I realize this is off-topic, but I just wanted to answer your question. Sorry if it sounds like I'm speaking for you, SmartFoxGirl.

      2. I totally understand your point about your beliefs influencing the child. The thing I dont get that you aren't acknowledging the susceptiblity of influence from the father. I'm pretty sure the religious convo would come up between the dad and child as well.

        So maybe you aren't as cool with it as you think. Not that its a bad thing….just sayin…

        1. Here's the thing, I believe in compromise. I'm never going to meet a man who agrees with me on everything. So I'm willing to let go of somethings. My religion is not one of them. When it comes to parenting, we would need to be a unified front. He can't contradict what I say or vice versa. That's why I would have a discussion (or 2) beforehand. We would need to agree on what religion (aka my religion 🙂 ) we would raise our children under. I'm no bible toting christian but I atleast want my children to know of God/Jesus. I guess I'm not as comfortable as I think.

      3. @Hugh Calrissian

        I respect your religious beliefs, but I dont see things that way. I was raised in the Catholic church, studied different religions, and now I am what you would call a deist. If you aren't familiar with the term, it's someone who believes a higher power created everything but doesn't have any active participation or cares about it. So my believe system doesn't require or has a need for organized religion.

        So for me, raising a child to be a productive, ethical, and highly moral individual would be my goal as a parent. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with religion. Some people need religion, I just dont belong to that group of people.

        If the Christian aspect of judgement is true I think I would be ok. God is supposed to be all knowing so I believe God can understand why I think the way I do.

        1. So my belief system doesn’t require or has a need for organized religion.

          Note to self: Stop typing so fast!

        2. LiteBriteGuy: "I respect your religious beliefs, but I dont see things that way. I was raised in the Catholic church, studied different religions, and now I am what you would call a deist. If you aren’t familiar with the term, it’s someone who believes a higher power created everything but doesn’t have any active participation or cares about it."

          Yes, I’m well aware of what deism is. I thought it was interesting that Albert Einstein was an agnostic for most of his life, but contemplating his work in physics, he realized the impossibility of the universe just existing without a creator, and said he had to become a deist. Ignore that, that was one of my irrelevant tangents I go on from time to time.

          I wasn’t trying to impose any beliefs on you (which is why I had all the "for the sake of argument" qualifiers in my comment), but you asked SmartFoxGirl why would teaching Christian beliefs be important to a Christian woman, versus just giving moral instruction. I just tried to give you a plausible answer to why that would be the case.

  19. Is Church the New Dating Scene?

    Man oh Man, you just got this memo? Really?

    Church has always been like a proverbial swingers club ever since I was in my teens and my parents used to force me to go. Choir practice, usher and deacon meetings, church board meetings is when you would usually see shady mess going down.

    I haven't been to church since the late 90's but I plan on going back not in hopes of meeting a man but I am looking for a church that have people in my age bracket though.

    1. There was a time when all church had was a pipe organ.

      Now you got a whole band and the band leader make as much money as the pastor. He signin with different churches like Jay Z.

      In the DMV you got churches that have theme nights just like clubs.

      A friend of mine always says the reason pastors always talk about "Don't go to the club" is becuase the club is their main competition.

      1. "Now you got a whole band and the band leader make as much money as the pastor. He signin with different churches like Jay Z."

        hahahahaa TRUE.

        Donnie McClurkin used to play the organ at my parent's church when he was young and now he is a multimillionaire.

  20. I wouldn't go to church to solely meet men. I actually enjoy the message but if I saw a handsome fella I would probably carry it the same way I would meeting him outside of church.

    I understand the concept of being a member before getting married at a church. it makes sense to me. I believe in pre marital counseling, and most times that takes place with the same pastor, so I think its a good idea.

    I particularly don't want to get married in a church, but I would still like to have a church home and go thru counseling before saying "I do."

    I know I wouldn't convert or change religions for a man, but I do want my future husband to be Christian and have a relationship with God. thats more important to me than regular attendance to church, but since I like church it would be great to have someone that wants to go as much or not more than I do.

      1. well if you are already a member, you have a relationship with THAT pastor prior to marriage. if not, I'd probably pick the church and attend it and do counseling there as well. makes sense to me…

  21. I'll start by saying I'm a first time commenter and I've been reading this blog for some time now and I love the articles. 🙂

    But to be honest I'm always looking, at school, when I'm out, at parties, at church. It doesn't matter I'm always looking for some eyecandy. I attend church faithfully every sunday and midweek too but I'm not interested in any of the men in the congregation. I think ppl assume just bc someone attends church they must be "good" but some ppl who do attend church are hypocrites. If you have a sense of God and christian faith you're fine by me. And beside ppl come to God in any time of their lives through God's will he may not have a fire in his heart for God when I meet him but he can later in life.

  22. I kind of have the same philosophy about church as il Duce, Eddie B and WiM. I believe in God, talk to him and pray, but I don't attend a church. However, I've questioned recently if maybe I could use some of the positivity that the church provides. I just don't think I'd be able to get over my feelings on the stereotypical "church folk" mentality or my paranoia about misappropriated funds.

    I won't lie, the thought about using church as a great way to meet a decent man (actually, even just people I can connect with on a friendship level, both men and women). Then I immediately give myself a mental slap for thinking about something so ridiculous and… wrong.

    1. I cosign your entire comment. That is exactly how I feel. Even now I sit in church shocked at some behavior or what I hear. I guess I can't get that out of my head and for awhile I didn't attend church for that reason. I benefit from the positive message. It's just hard to ignore the foolery.

    2. Hey,

      Your right about the fellowship part. I use to be the same way and just have church at home. But the fellowship part is important. And it does your spirit well and I bet you would meet people for freindship if nothing else. Try it!

      And I will ask all of you, why wouldn't the Devil be busy in Church? It's when your trying to do right that all kinds of temptations come up. Lust, anger, hate, spitefulness, jealousy is all very rampant in Church becasue the Devil is always busy. Why not discourage people from coming to church by letting them see preachers that hunt women or steal, why not have women that are jezabells chasing down weak men. The Devil is always trying to infiltrate. That does not mean that you should not come to Church. It means you eed to pray more or perhaps change Church's. NEVER STOP FELLOWSHIPPING!

      I'm going through a Divorce and I can't tell you how much my relationship with God has increased. If it is not founded in God it will not last, has no chance too! My biggest mistake is that I took my eye off God and put it on my Wife. God should always be first in our lives, before our kids and our marriages. I know realize that, hey you live and you learn right?

  23. Good Morning,

    22, SBM, NYC… I go to church to get my eff groove on…

    Most church where I go aren't truly operating "in the spirit", but the girls will definitely take you to bed…

    Who Am I to disagree…

    I believe you can find your better half anywhere… especially if that is your PERSISENT mindset…

    Church is one of those fallacies, I would take my chance at a club 😉

  24. "But what about the dinosaurs?!"

    I don't know if any of you heard that episode of the Joe Clair and Earthquake show, but it was hilarious. It's about a guy who wants to go to church on Christmas and heckle the preacher. Hilarious.

    The point is this, if you don't know for a fact that person you're inviting to church is into church, YOU NEVER KNOW what could happen when he gets in there. Keep that in mind.

    you: Sister Patterson, this is Tracy the guy i'm seeing.

    Sister Patterson: Oh it's nice to meet you Tracy, i've heard a lot about you. Welcome. Tell me about yourself.

    me: Yeah, um, i'm just a regular n*gga trying to make it in America. Sh*ts real for the kid. Like last night I was tell her that when we was laying in bed. Black man in America, the stress will keep you up all night.

    I seen this happen a many of times.

  25. iDtGN: "Yeah the old pimp stereotype is not just a stereotype. Alot of pastors are guys that have always been good at making women do what they want."

    This is why I'm likely not to leave my church anytime soon. I have a pastor that is intelligent, knowledgable about the Bible, will leave to run to the hospital to be with you if your fifth-cousin by marriage is there at two in the morning, and is a moral, upstanding man in the community. It's a nice change of pace to hear through the grapevine that he vehemently denies women trying to get with him than all the affairs some other pastors have.

    Eddie: "True story: one of the guys at my lunch table got upset because we clowned him about how his mega church was trying to collect money to buy their pastor a helicopter so he wouldn’t have to get stuck on the beltway like the normal people."

    A helicopter? I swear I want to choke pastors that do stuff like this. There better not be a hungry person within a 100-mile radius. There is something very wrong when someone become rich off of tithes and offerings.

    1. The pastor in one of my neighborhood churches is on the WORD network daily. If I dropped his name yall would all know him. He is a good guy tryin to do good so I won't lean on him too hard. Even though he is a prosperity preacher.

      Anyway, dis bamma has a helicopter and used to land it in the parking lot every Sunday. There are town homes less than 25 yards away. Talk about ghetto. Bamma had the nerve to get mad when neighbors complained.

      He seems to have learned alot over the years. Hopefully he realizes now how ghetto that was.

      1. It's easy to preach prosperity when you don' t have a job and you're getting rich off of other people's donations.

        A helicopter. N!88a, you done lost your mind and your mission!

        1. And the thing is……the other church he was flyin to is 15 minutes away. ROFL

          But this dude has his flock so brainwashed he brags about all the things and money he has on a regular basis. He constanly quotes scripture from the old testament where people "blessed their man of God" to demonstrate why it's OK for them to give to him.

          His latest acquisition is 250 acres of land. Not sure where it is but if it is anywhere in the DMV we're talkin about 10 to 20 million dollars probably.

          It would surprise you to know how much land churches in the DMV own.

      2. They get a salary. But a mansion, a helicopter, a jet, 250 acres of land, multiple luxury vehicles. What salary pays for that? Most of these pastors are not TD Jakes. They not sellin a million books. Most of the income is from tithes. And in some cases from buisness they started with church money that are now owned by the church. And almost all these pastors make sure the "church assets" are in their name. Not the name of the church.

        1. iDtGN: "They get a salary. But a mansion, a helicopter, a jet, 250 acres of land, multiple luxury vehicles. What salary pays for that?"

          This. I guess they really needed that Maybach, I mean, how would they look like driving around in a 7-series Beemer?

          "Name it and claim it! It's your year, trust the Lord! The economy is down, but our God doesn't live in the economy! That new job is right around the corner!

          Now let's pass the collection plate. Malachi 3:10. Do you trust the Lord? God loves a cheerful giver!"

          Riding around in private jets, because they need to quickly get to a church five states away…to do more talking. And half of the congregation are driving Kias. Then they wonder why it's next to impossible to get people in church. If I didn't have a personal relationship with the Lord, I'd probably be utterly dismissive of the church myself.

  26. I had a bad experience in my early twenties with dating men I met at church (it involved me earning a reputation as a Jezebel and two dudes fighting over me and then having to go on a retreat to recover. Bad scene) which caused me to swear off dating "church boys".

    I will admit though that the times that I'm motivated to go to a "real" church (as opposed to the one next door to my house) I will trek my ass out to the one that has the hotties. I'm not going there to look for a date but I do like to enjoy both the sermon and the scenery.

  27. Yo son…

    What gets me is that women will straight up diss on those who are not Christian, BUT be down for the non-Christian things in terms of dating.

    The section of the Christians not willing to date so-called atheists is an example of that pick-and-choose thingy. I don't want to play some of ya'll in terms of ya'll belief systems, BUT most of that 'evenly yolked' foolishness is just for show purposes. Some what a "Christian" guy just to say they have one and so they can pray together about smashing all weekend.

    Am I mad? Yes.

    So what… We covered this. People pick-and-choose what they want from everything. But personally, I've been labeled as "perfect" so many effin times then as soon as I refer to myself as "non-Christian" they jump ship. What are you saying? You JUST was talking about ripping my clothes off. And it sucks and you know what it's not all their fault either. It's many of the so-called atheists that lash out at individuals about their Christian beliefs. So many Christian woman are turned off by dating someone not Christian because dude they dated before called them stupid and blind for being Christian. Likewise, these so-called atheists are lashing out because over their entire lives they've been attacked by so-called Christians.

    Message to the masses:

    So-called atheists, get over how the kids on the playground and everyone else verbally attacked you for your beliefs. Stop attacking people just because you have different belief system. Move ON! 85% of so-called atheists aren't even atheist. Yeah. I mean that.

    Real Christians, get over the past girl or guy that wasn't a believer and called you names. Move ON!

    I'm not Christian, atheist or agnostic, not Islamic or Jewish or Buddhist or Wicca or any other major name you find on Wikipedia.

    No I don't want to be "converted." Yes, we can have religious conversations that are informative and without attacking each other. Christian beliefs wll just be a subset of many things that I try to teach my children. Sure, I'll attend church, your orchestra concert and a click-flick with you. No I'm not asking you to change your beliefs.

    Why?

    Look, it's simple. If a woman says something is an important part of her life and we are clearly hitting it off, OF COURSE I would want to be part of it or at the very least be open to hear about it. It doesn't matter if it's church or that she's a professional ballet dancer or a blogger or got kids. I'll attend and get immersed.

    OH NO! Religion is different apparently. People seven seem to be confused to WHY you should have religious conversations. It's NEVER to say which one of us if right. I want those conversation because they give me insight on the person I'm dealing with, not to much the belief system. Isn't companionship mostly about speaking the other person's language? Isn't dating about learning the person and their language? Isn't love about people developing their own language together? Maybe I'm the slow one…

    I have YET to have a woman really be interested in why I believe what I believe. It only seems to matter if it "matches" which is a facade because many of them have these "different interpretations" they follow that are different from what they expect you to believe. Now ain't that a b*tch???

    My bads. This was off topic.

    My official answer: I don't know.

    1. "Look, it’s simple. If a woman says something is an important part of her life and we are clearly hitting it off, OF COURSE I would want to be part of it or at the very least be open to hear about it. It doesn’t matter if it’s church or that she’s a professional ballet dancer or a blogger or got kids. I’ll attend and get immersed.

      OH NO! Religion is different apparently. People seven seem to be confused to WHY you should have religious conversations. It’s NEVER to say which one of us if right. I want those conversation because they give me insight on the person I’m dealing with, not to much the belief system. Isn’t companionship mostly about speaking the other person’s language? Isn’t dating about learning the person and their language? Isn’t love about people developing their own language together? Maybe I’m the slow one…"

      I agree…but I'll admit we are probably in the minority.

      1. It seems so. But you know what… People don't it to be about substance. You can hand it to them on a platter and they will not accept the offering. Just facades man…

        We control our reality. And as people in relationships, we make up our own rules.

        I know out of the entire Bible there has to be a verse or two that basically says: "Don't sweat the small stuff."

    2. MeteorMan: "But personally, I’ve been labeled as “perfect” so many effin times then as soon as I refer to myself as “non-Christian” they jump ship. What are you saying? You JUST was talking about ripping my clothes off."

      You have a valid point here. Obviously in your case, the women's relationship with God couldn't have been that serious, because they should have asked the question of your beliefs long before they knew enough of you in other areas to label you as "perfect". If religious beliefs are an afterthought to a woman, I'm not sure why it's a dealbreaker.

      Her: "You're good-looking, intelligent, you graduated from ____, have a great career at _____, give back to the community, you're a family man, and you are overall nice guy. Um, do you go to church?"

      Him: "No, I don't really subscribe to any formal religion for a number of reasons."

      Her: "I knew something was wrong! You know, this just won't work."

      What sense does that make? If it was a dealbreaker, shouldn't she have asked that before knowing all that other stuff? Could have saved a lot of time and no one would have gotten their hopes up unnecessarily.

      1. I take a person at their word when they say they are serious about their belief system. Even if they have "different interpretations" I don't judge them for it, but I try to understand why there's certain deviations and what not. I think that all of them felt they had "Christian hearts." Even for the ONE that wasn't trying to smash, why is the entirety of a person and interactions with them reduced to the answer of the question: "Do you go to church?" Am I not a person? Wait, we can't disagree on something?!?! kills me…

        If a person doesn't wish to see past all the extra, then that only means they wasn't the one for me.

        womp womp.

        The funny part is that probably if I went in with the mentality of smashing and dashing, they'll be all on my jock trying to husband a brotha. crazy!

  28. Never do I ever goto church to meet women. I attend church regularly. Im more of a "when/where you find good people, you fine em" type of guy. I will say that a lot of those youth groups did seem thirstier than shorty that followed Vinny around the club. #FemaleBackpack

    Nonetheless I will say that some weeks there is NICE eye candy. Like you sit in the pue and shake your head like "Did someone say there was a Kanye concert IMMEDIATELY following the 8:45am mass?!" Make my praises that much stronger for my fortunate eyes 🙂 and its not that theyre dressing slutty, just genuinely lookin good!

    1. I'm glad somebody got around to interrupting the regularly scheduled program of "deep conversation for a Friday" to discuss the antics of my beloved Jersey Shore crew.

      I'm still trying to figure out what in the eff that level 5 stalker was doing. Did she not realize she was on camera? I'm still baffled. Don't get me started on Sammi the backpack.

      P.S. I'd be willing to reevaluate my skepticism towards church 😉

      I joke. I kid.

  29. I will say this (at the very bottom lol)…I do notice alot of attractive women in church who are alone. Fellas step your game up and go to church. There's nothing wrong with trying to meet someone at church. If that's your sole pupose for going then no but if you should just so happen to be there…join the groups they are in. Come smelling good too…them church ladies be on the prowl. 🙂

    1. We know this. But the church preaches marraige and a lot of eligible dudes are not looking to get married. I remember my mother was always trying to get me to go talkin about all the single women. But knowing I didn't want to be married at that time it just scared me off.

  30. Dating a man that goes to the same church I attend is not an option.

    I've dated men who go to church but I won't date men that are "in" the church. You can't be involved in any ministries, groups, etc.. I let Vacation Bible Study slide though. I'm the kind of person who sits on the last row and bounces right after, if not before the benediction. I'd prefer someone like myself in that respect.

    I have an aversion to dating anyone religious or who are anti-religion. Ironically, both groups are quite similar.

  31. I have gone to church with the intention of hopefully meeting someone. But it wasn't enough to keep me going there. Then again, its a cash cow for men and kind of a drought for women.

    I would like someone spiritual but who knows where you find that?

    I am single, but I honestly think the best way to find what you want may be a "hook up" from a friend or relative who knows enough about you and the other person that you can hopefully find someone compatible.

    In the past I have met guys through work related events, family members, outside the club.

    Then again, I still classify myself as single so if someone wants to tell me where I should be looking, lemme know.

  32. If I met a woman and fell in love, she would know where I stand on this issue practically from jump. No, I would NOT be willing to join a church to be with such a woman. I would be doing so for the wrong reasons–for her NOT for God. It's been said that God will never leave or forsake you–I've met a LOT of women who don't come CLOSE to doing that. A woman will believe what and whom she chooses to believe, and I, as a male human being, have the same right to believe what I believe as well. Fck what the world believes, so fck what her family believes. Sex is only a means of connection and of recreation to me, so kids are irrelevant. If I had to choose over what I believe and a woman, my beliefs win every time. My beliefs and my honor will be there when the female bounces. I've come to realize that many women step up to a man with their own agenda of controlling a man, and quite a few have resorted to religion "to keep their man in check" while they themselves often fail to live under such reciprical standards. So, I would be very upset with a person for trying to improve or strengthen my relationship with God IF they disguise their intent to control me "in the name of God". As said before, I don't go to church to find "available women". When I was younger, I did try to find "available women" in church, but the only thing that resulted was a slow realization that I'm just too different for many women to relate to.

    1. "When I was younger, I did try to find “available women” in church, but the only thing that resulted was a slow realization that I’m just too different for many women to relate to."

      That last line was just oh so awesome to me! I strongly relate to that.

      "If I had to choose over what I believe and a woman, my beliefs win every time. My beliefs and my honor will be there when the female bounces."

      (two thumbs up)

      "So, I would be very upset with a person for trying to improve or strengthen my relationship with God IF they disguise their intent to control me “in the name of God."

      Same here. If I didn't ask, then I shouldn't be FORCED nor TRICKED to receive. It's possible that God could've sent her to help you strengthen your relationship….or it could've been a miscommunication (shrugs). Follow your heart, that's the motto.

      1. The motto I was taught coming up (reinforced as I got older) is to be true to yourself. And, if a woman don't feel you, the world keeps on fcking spinning… And dudes like me keep on fcking strolling…

  33. This is how I feel

    1. As far as being with someone of different beliefs the bible says "do not be unequally yoked" with someone, if your serious about your Christian lifestyle ( because some people are hypocrites) you should want someone who is on the same level as you, but there are cases were you might be the reason someone gets saved in the firstplace, also if you have a personal relationship with the Lord you should be seeking him for direction as far who to be with, and that person might not necessarily be in the church.

    2. As for preachers getting money, being a pastor is a full time job meaning at some churches (mostly the larger ones) they may get a salary, which amount is usually at the discretion of the church executive board, also pastors get paid off books, CDs, mp3s, etc which people make the choice to purchase , so why is it wrong for a pastor to spend the money that he or she earned on expensive things. And if you go to a to church where the pastor doesn't live the lifestyle that he/she preaches, find another church, not all pastors are like that…

    oh yea this is my first post on SBM….

  34. Finding love at church? I think that's ok in my book – fellowship is fellowship as long as the intention is for the sake of love, not lust. But aye, I'm not implying you can't – just not recommended. I've realized that religious beliefs do not CREATE loving individuals, they're institutionalized guides to spiritual enlightenment. They work for those who grasp the nature of it all. How you exercise these religious doctrines is what makes you a "spiritually inclined" individual. This inclination boosts mind, body, and soul and makes you a master of many sorts.

    so….

    ….This Skywalker here? Nah, I don't attend church. I'm spiritual, not religious. I believe in Christ, but I also believe in Buddha, Mohammed, Krishna, Confucius, Nostadamus, my mom, Malcolm X, Halle Selassie….for me, it's about the message/teachings. What essence do you offer to make me evolve into a greater being? Knowledge is knowledge….the wisdom comes from the application. And the evolution peaks when understanding leads to mastery of love.

    Would I date a religious chic? Yep. Would I marry one? Eh, depends, because I'd rather be involved with someone who is undefined and without "labeling" that defined by her religious beliefs. Besides, I don't believe she could catch up with an open minded person like me – she'd probably leave eventually (just throwing that out there). Show me you have a relationship with God, not with a book, a hand full of religious cliches and quips, and a few doctrines. I WILL KNOW THE DIFFERENCE! How she relates to God will reflect how she relates me and the world. And thats how I will know the maturity of her relationship with God.

    Currently, John is single…looking, but not seriously looking. I'm enjoying my freedom, making my paper, my music and poety, taking caring of family, and discovering the depths of my mind, body, soul. So my only true medium for social interaction is….INTERNET! When I'm finished building my kingdom, then the queen will take her seat and religion would have been the foundation in which the thrones have been set.

    Loving the comments ya'll!! You inspire me.

  35. I briefly skimmed the article admittedly(but something in there bought me to this). I had a conversation with a man not long ago, pretty nice fella he seemed, but I was not sure he would have been able to manage my being an Agnostic when h…e comes from a family of Christians, and most friends are also. The one thought that rang through my mind was, how would I be able to intermingle with those of the faith when I have none, or am very limited in it? Needless to say, I don't think I have to ponder that any longer. I digress!

    Anywho, back to the question……..Yes, and here in the south, men will even ask you about "Church", church seems to be the place where many men can have as many women as their stamina can handle. Its where many women go to pray for a husband and many men prey on women. Its a man whore's dream. For a man that seeks honestly a woman to share his life with, the church isn't the place he goes to seek her out.

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