You Picky Bastard!

If you own this ... #KillYoSelf

Friend of SBM: It’s just so hard!
SBM: That’s what she said.
FOS: Come on. I’m serious. I don’t want to be alone all my life. I need a mate.
SBM: Well … you are your own worst enemy.
FOS: Why do you say that? You are always blaming me for my singleness.
SBM: Because it’s your fault. You are way to picky. You expect too much. It’s crazy.
FOS: Whatever.
SBM: I’m serious. $100K Salary, Good Job, Good Body, Good Income … sheeettt!  Your person has to literally be perfect.
FOS: I’ve spent a lot of money and time climbing the corporate ladder. I think it’s only right I have a good person up here with me.
SBM: You are the single pickiest guy in existence.

Yes … my friend is a man.

I know I often come off as a “woman basher”.  It may seem that I have a lot of inflammatory things to say about the opposite sex. Some may dare even say that I am hard on women.  As a result, many of you  thought that I was talking about a woman. #MadeYouLook

The fact that women can often create unrealistic and insurmountable lists of requirements for their mates has been well documented.  From the several million people on twitter that are quick to give a #cosign when I say anything about “demanding women”.  Or go check out any of the 38 “relationship panels” in your area.  There will be at least one educated black man who will go on a rant about how the black women is ruining black love with her pickiness.  Yeah … I had my issues with black women, but even with all the problems that exist, even SBM thinks they get a bad rap.

See Also:  Top 5 Physical Appearance Deceptions Women Use #Everydayb

And while guys get beat up on a lot too, there are a few areas we are a little shielded from.  There are just a few things that guys don’t get yelled about as much.  Call it a double standard, call it the way of the universe, call it whatever … it’s fact.

It wasn’t until I began a deep discussion with my good friend about his love life that caused something to “click”.  He was too picky.  He was suffering from the exact same problem that I have been diagnosing women with.  The list of minimum criteria that he had for women could fill a small volume.  The job, level of education, and rankings of undergraduate degree all merged to form a … superwoman.

And then I thought …

I thought back to myself.  I thought back to the time when I only dated women with Master’s degrees (I didn’t have one).  I remember the girl who I deducted points from because I thought her undergrad school was some crap.  I remember the woman whose place of employment actually became another item on her list of negatives.

Yes … I was bad … I admit it

And just like I grew up and realized the error of my ways, I assumed that everyone did.  I assumed that every man came to the conclusion that such shallow things wouldn’t make them happy.  I figured that every guy had their similar “ah-ha” moment and saw the light.  I thought every guy realized that the biggest indicators to relationship happiness are good head, cooking ability, complimentary personalities, and love and support.

See Also:  Why Sometimes Perfection Fails

Apparently not.

Pickiness, whether is be from men or women, is detrimental to black love.  Don’t get me wrong, have standards and stick to them, but don’t be close minded.  Don’t be too shallow.  Think hard and long about your list … and keep that sh*t short. You’ll be surprise by how much you can overlook for someone that makes you feel good.

So, are there a lot of picky men out there?  Are there a group of guys getting together and comparing long lists of female requirements? Are there dudes out here that will never reach that moment of “how to pick a wife” clarity?

– SBM aka I just need good head aka Had to date a hood chick before my moment


  1. "I thought every guy realized that the biggest indicators to relationship happiness are good head, cooking ability, complimentary personalities, and love and support."

    Couldnt have said it better myself! I have shorten the shyt out of my list. And my life has become so much easier. There are some things that are non-negotiable and some that are, but when you meet someone who is worth it, you throw away the list specially if they meet your standards. I think there are standards and then you have your list. Although love puts both on the line. I think that if you just focus on being yourself and handling your business on a personal level, you will find someone who complements you and accepts you just for the person you are.

    Great Post!

  2. Disclaimer for my 2am comment: 1) I'm only up because I was working on a blog of my own. 2) I'm not on the east coast dammit!

    Your list is good. "I thought every guy realized that the biggest indicators to relationship happiness are good head, cooking ability, complimentary personalities, and love and support."

    I don't think I'm that picky but I do like as my friendgirl puts it "pretty model types" which invariably excludes ugly ass some women. I hear I'm going to grow out of that phase because "pretty model types" aren't the same thing as "wife" types. I would have said "wifey" types but it's my understanding the black female community is beginning to frown upon that term.

    I've shared my list here before but it goes like this:

    1) Be attractive……

    Then there’s an addendum of things that would be nice to have, like

    1a) Intelligence

    1b) < 3 kids, preferably 0.

    1c) see #1.

    1. I honestly believe that I can find a pretty model type can make a great wife for me. Especially if she is a Gelila Bekele doppelganger.

  3. I love the fact that i'm picky. I don't believe in settling. Like I said before i've stopped talking to a woman because there was too much space between her eyes. And as messed up as this sounds, there's just some women that i've dated that I never considered as girlfriends just because they lacked something important to me. There's nothing wrong with that in my mind. Now i'm not the type to put so much focus on your stats, but I think people should only deal seriously with people that satisfy their requirements.

  4. I dont think being "picky" will devastate a man's chances at finding "the one". However, "picky" is a relative term.

    I think one of the most important factors that determine a relationship's longevity is mutual admiration/respect. A person's preferences are their preferences. It's not something you can control. if a person consciously settles, there will never will never be a feeling of partnership.

    Secondly, men particularly dont have to settle. Women outnumber men-period. And as women climb the secular ladder it becomes more difficult for them to find potential mates. Whereas the more successful a man is, the greater the chances that he is taken. And if its about her looks, is it sooooo much to ask for a woman to watch what she eats and hit the gym? And, furthermore. a man should not date a woman with small children unless he believes he is ready to be a stepfather and also conduct himself as an example to them at all times.

    As I stated, I understand that at some point a person's standards are unreasonable, but only that person can determine those conditions. Contradicting your inclinations can be detrimental. But I fully understand your point in the importance of introspection.

    1. "And as women climb the secular ladder it becomes more difficult for them to find potential mates."

      So, the question that I have to this…how does it become more difficult? IMO, it becomes more difficult b/c the woman has conditioned herself to exclude those men who deems as not on her level. She automatically checks off her list that "if he doesn't match my academic or financial level, then it is a wrap"

      1. Agreed. I think some women are contributing to their own 'shortage' of men out there with their unrealistic expectations.

      2. Actually, I only think that's partially true. I've experienced as well as have had good friends who have made WAY more than their BF's OR more education and the guy really couldn't cut it. Actually, most of the guys I've dated I have made more than, but it wasn't a big deal because although I like what I like, it wasn't that drastic of a difference where we couldn't do anything.

        When you make a certain amount of money, there is also a certain lifestyle that goes along with it and I'm not talking about something outrageous either. For instance, going to a nice place for dinner that costs $35-50 pp is really not that big a deal for a woman who may be able to pay that with no problem. But let her suggest that kind of meal (non-occasion) with ol' boy who's making less than $40K, then it could become a problem. I'm just using food as an example, but it could be anything.

        Of course, it's the little things, but sometimes not being close to the same SES level OR not valuing the same things can be hard. It's better if both are close to the same SES level or if he makes more. That's my opinion and it has worked out best for me.

    2. Good points. It's not so much being picky as it is being un-realistic. People are just not realistic with themselves and others. Denial is a disease.

      My mother always said that true love is a person who you can't leave. You fight, etc but you still want them in your life and miss them when they're gone. It's an over all feeling of adoration.

    3. Secondly, men particularly dont have to settle. Women outnumber men-period. And as women climb the secular ladder it becomes more difficult for them to find potential mates. Whereas the more successful a man is, the greater the chances that he is taken.

      Miss me with all that…

      No one has to settle. People choose to settle.

      The reason why it seems like "the more successful a man is, the greater the chances that he is taken" is because we don't totally eliminate potential mates due to their professional level. Whereas, a woman will climb the ladder and then have a standard for a man to have an equal or greater professional level them hers. Then she'll call anything less than that "settling."

      Maybe we should look at why there exists the requirement for a man who professional position equal or greater than your (not you personally) own. It's like the self-imposed traditional gender role ish sneaking in. If I became a school teacher, that shouldn't get me scratched off the list of women CEOs…

      1. My mother always made more than my father… This has nothing to do with him being a man.

        With that said I would be ok with a man earning less than me as long as he could handle his business.

  5. Nothing wrong with having standards, I wouldn't say picky. I think that just makes your dating experience that much better. It's funny to see guys actually caring about who they date. The irony… But people actually think we don't care. I know I do.

    Now if you find it that hard to find a mate because of your standards and laundry list, then maybe it's time to reevaluate that list for an abbreviated version.

  6. I always found it odd that people call me picky as well. Everything I prefer in a woman is something that she can do herself….I would never judge a woman by something she has no control over, i.e., her height.

    All I ask is that she be over 21, mature, heterosexual, interested in finding a man (because you have those straight women that still hate men), have a LEGITIMATE job, and hopefully not have any kids or too much drama in her life. Is that too much to ask for?

    And before someone asks, I have the male equivalent of all of those things going for myself as well…..I couldn't possibly ask something of a woman that I don't have going myself.

    1. I like this..except for the no kids. I guess, I can't fault you for just leaves a lot of good women with kids off the grid…but a lot of men are coming out of that..and dating and marrying women with children. Which is a great thing.

      1. I've tried to date women with kids—Didn't work for a number of reasons. With a couple women in particular, they always had to cancel dates because something came up with the kid. Of course the kids come first….but a canceled date is still a canceled date, to a certain extent.

        Plus I don't ever want that awkward situation to come up where I potentially come between a woman and her child….Some women don't like other people disciplining their kids, regardless on how dead wrong the kid was in doing whatever s/he did in the first place.

        1. Not sure of your age Leo, but let's just say the older you get the likelihood of finding a woman with no kids will begin to decrease dramatically.

          So keep that in mind. Even the 25 and under group have babies nowadays.

          I have actually seen dudes with five babies say out their mouths that they prefer a woman with no children…why? So you can be the first baby daddy? smh. This scenario is so messed up because that tells you how much these dudes actually participate in their child’s life. They would much rather spend all their free time chasing the next chick with no children.

        2. @ Beef Bacon

          I'm 26. And I'm well aware of that fact.

          Hence my semi-urgency in hoping this problem is solved soon.

          I hate to sound this way about what I'm about to say, but I don't want to be Mr. Wake-Up Call…..defined, that is that Plan B guy that women come to after they've had a bad relationship or two with whomever it was she decided to have her kid(s) by and they have now wised up a little.

          But I also realize there is little I can do about any of hat, so oh well….

        3. I understand what you mean. Don't apologize for how you feel either.

          It is sad that some of us go through this before realizing that we don't and should not have children with every other dude we are with in a relationship.

          The girls I mentor are having 4 and 5 by dude and dude don't even claim them as a girlfriend (SAD). This says a lot about your mental and emotional maturity.

          I never wanted to believe that girls get pregnant to keep a guy around…but it is now obvious this happens. I am still trying to figure out why though. (Screaming whhhhhhyyyyy in Nettie’s voice)

        4. I don't *really* apologize for that statement, that was just damage control ahead of time, since a lot of the things I say on blogs like these often get taken far out of context. lol

          There is exactly one woman on this earth with kids that I would date, but the chances of us actually dating are roughly similar to the chances of the Jets winning Super Bowl XLV in two weeks…..#cheapshot #toosoon? lol

        5. Actually, your list seems VERY reasonable to me. I can name 5 single women right now who have no kids, not including myself. So I don't think it's that hard to find a woman without kids. It's MUCH harder to find a man without them though. Although, I actually haven't had that much trouble with that either, personally.

        6. @ new2natural

          You can think of five? That's an accomplishment. I know quite a few, but they are all disqualified because they are either related to me, out of my age range, or here in the military. LOL

        7. Your list is cool, there are a bunch of single women in your age range that are without children.

          I was very active with the black women in my college (my year and the 4 classes behind me). I keep in touch one way or the other with them. Keep track of weddings, births etc. I know four with children. The other women are married or engaged and most single. There are women out there without children.

        8. True, there are women out here without kids.

          But—do they like men? Do they have jobs? Are they mature? Drama-free? Over 21?

          I've found that the ones that don't have kids still leave a lot to be desired in other areas I'm looking for.

        9. @TheRealestLeo




          Know your audience brah, know your audience.

          You telling me there's no one on this site or any other that seems to share your life view? Because several of the women here are childless…and about their business.

        10. @ Starita

          That doesn't mean that those women are or would be interested in men like myself. I've ran into those women….the ones that people would always ask me, "Hey, TRL, why haven't you ever tried talking to her?"

          Well….attraction can't be forced or created from thin air.

        11. You may be more appealing to them if you didn't assume that they were broken (you suggested childless women were: lesbian, unemployed, immature, overly dramatic, etc…) just for being over 21 without children. Some people do still plan children within the confines of marriage.

          "I’ve found that the ones that don’t have kids still leave a lot to be desired in other areas I’m looking for."

          Yeah, you're going to get that with or without kids. Believe it or not, having a child or not doesn't determine who you are as a person.

        12. @ Starita

          I never suggested that women without kids were broken or any of those things you mentioned. I just asked if she had those things going for herself as well. Just not having kids isn't enough by itself. You can't deny that there are some women out there that don't have kids because, well…..they don't like the D. Or because their overall attitude toward men makes it hard for a man to want to get to know them on a deeper level. lol

      2. And this is exactly how us short guys feel when we hear women say they only want tall men.

        At least a woman can control whether or not she has kids.

        1. I am not sure why women are shorting themselves (no pun intended) on things like height.

          The BEST peen I've had comes from a man who’s only about two inches taller than I…he gives that outer body experience on the regular.

        2. I don't know, either. I mean, mathematically speaking, only about 15-20 percent of men are over 6 feet tall. Biologically speaking, being tall is a recessive gene. So to eliminate 80-85 percent of men for a quality that was determined way back in their Punnett squares days when the sperm met the egg and made the zygote is ludicrous at best.

          I've heard some women say they feel better 'protected' by a tall man….To which I say BS. I've seen some 6'5" mofos get their asses whipped, too….lol

          And if a woman is living the kind of lifestyle where she always feels the need to be 'protected'….maybe she needs a lifestyle change.

        3. That right there is one thing I'm sort of picky about…height. As a chick that's 5'9" and some change, I can't really deal with guys that are shorter than I. My ex was about a half inch shorter, so clearly I do give in every once in a while. The guy I'm dating now also got a pass, he's like 5'11", and I usually prefer 6'2" and above. But you're right, that's not in anyone's control, can't fault a person for it. Just as long as you can deal with me and my 5" heels lol

    2. Your list seems reasonable, not picky to ME. I appreciate your saying: "And before someone asks, I have the male equivalent of all of those things going for myself as well…..I couldn’t possibly ask something of a woman that I don’t have going myself."

      More people need to look at themselves to make sure they are a similarly suited package. It pains me when my friends male AND female want the world, but are only willing to give the equivalent of Delaware. That's a #fail if I've ever seen one.

      Random…why does my picture NEVER show up?

      1. It pains me when my friends male AND female want the world, but are only willing to give the equivalent of Delaware.


      2. Excellent point that I wanted to say but you got it for me. I'd like to add that I don't think people should consider asking someone to change something for them if they aren't willing to the same if they were asked to change. I guess it all falls under the same umbrella…ella…ella…eh eh eh

        1. "I guess it all falls under the same umbrella…ella…ella…eh eh eh."

          D.U.M.B. LMAO!!! You have no sense at all, LOL (literally)…still

    3. "And before someone asks, I have the male equivalent of all of those things going for myself as well…..I couldn’t possibly ask something of a woman that I don’t have going myself."

      I couldn't agree more!!!

  7. I def thought that was a chick you were talking to because I so rarely here of a man being interested in a woman making a certain income.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate


  8. I don't see why woman would be suprised. Men don't choose mates by pulling names out of a hat. We have standards that help filter the rif-raf.

    DATING != S.exing

  9. I find men (and women) who are picky do not want to be in a relationship. Setting impossible standards for prospective mates creates no possibility of having anybody. So, they will be the lonely, perfect fool.

    Great article!

  10. As a single dude, I was pretty picky. But once I found a wife, I realized that my picky-ness had as much to do with the fact that I wasn't ready to settle down as it had to do with wanting to find the closest thing to perfection I possibly could.

    So, to put it plainly, speaking for myself, I was very picky, until I found the right woman. The woman I found was no more or less flawed than all of the other women I'd been with previously, she was just so right for me that the idiosyncrasies I found annoying and used as deal breakers for previous relationships, just became accents to the one I decided to love.

    I've always said, I'm not special, and she's not special, but together, we have special chemistry. I think that's the key. When you find someone with whom you have special chemistry, I think you'll be a little less picky. Chemistry trumps all… even good dome.

    1. You're dropping knowledge today sir. People can make all the lists they want. Truth is, it's someone's over all personality and being that will affect you…not individual points. I have friends that try to stop themselves from loving men who have a record or kids or don't have a degree. I always say, "How does he make YOU FEEL?" That's what people need to ask themselves. You can't control certain things and love is one of them.

    2. TMIMITW: "Chemistry trumps all… even good dome."

      I…I can't believe you wrote that, even if it is true. Never disparage the name of good dome again!

    3. I concur completely…which is why I don't really discourage my own "pickiness" (which I just call standards, it's nothing crazy). When it's right, it's just right. Just like Most said, something that was a deal breaker in someone you weren't feeling, or you weren't ready for is all of the sudden a unique, defining characteristic on the person that you love. Love is indeed blind.

      The danger (for me) in stifling the pickiness is that you end up in false relationships. With guys that are "nice" so you figure they "deserve" a thousand chances and faux affection. But personally, I don't want any pity, so I don't give it. I'm straight up and give them the courtesy of the truth.

  11. Yes, there are a lot of picky men especially black men that have a degree and a stable job but I find that most of the time that there is a disparity between the women they are attracted to and the woman they want. They want a woman that is educated but are attracted to women that can only be trophy wife. I think once men consolidate their likes with attractions, they won't be considered so picky.

  12. i'm picky and i won't apologize for it. i don't think that i'm shallow but in order for me to date a woman she has to meet certain criteria and i would hope that i would meet certain standards that she has for a man that she would like to date.

    i don't see the problem in having things/traits/qualifications that you would like to see in a potential mate. for instance, what if everyone in the world that applied to harvard got into harvard? that school wouldn't be as prestigious would it? i'm not even saying that what i look for in a woman is out the question.

    1. So, would I consider myself among the chosen few cos I got into YALE? Nope. It's just an institution with walls on every corner. Same applies to Harvard University.

  13. I don't know how picky I am or am not, but I do think that it's okay to be picky as long as you have the goods to back it up. Any quality I insist on in a man I'm bringing to the table myself.

    I think picky goes wrong when you're some broke down frowsy dude insisting that any woman you mess with is a dime.

    1. So why can't the broke down frowsy dude have standards? ikid!

      Seriously looking at some of the relationships around, I think most people tend to get with their opposite as opposed to someone like them.

      You have everything I have…check.

      I am dating myself…..check.

      There is nothing to learn from you…check.

      This is boring….check.

      1. See but I like boring. I feel like opposites and chemistry are great for when I'm single and having fun but if I'm settling down I want some peace and quiet.

        1. By the way… when I am looking for a woman of substance… I am looking for a good template to work with (Beauty, Intelligence = Imagination)…

          Those things come from the genetic factory…

          Everything else, I have the paint brushes to make a beautiful masterpiece Make Life Easier For The Next Dude To Wife Her Up

        2. I see your point Max. Although, I heard the "he/she's too much like me" statement more than enough to know it really doen't matter one way or the other.

  14. This is a good post. Women do make long lists of requirements but we almost NEVER follow them. It's more of an idea. Look around, you see women lowering their standards everyday. Then comes men….women outnumber men so men have many many options now a days. Plus with the surplus of available poon, men have gotten spoiled and ridiculous in their requirements of women. Men want a model face, stripper body, lady in the streets, freak in the sheets, ph.d, kid loving, don't ever get fat, juggle while riding a tricycle type of woman.


    I will say this…few people have the right to be picky. Let's be real with ourselves. You can be picky all you want if you are a dime but remember you eliminate the possibilities of finding someone. Being that most people aren't dimes (and I'm not talking just looks), we need to lower our standards. You can't be a nickel wanting a dime. You can't require something of someone that you can't give/be yourself.

    1. "Men want a model face, stripper body, lady in the streets, freak in the sheets, ph.d, kid loving, don’t ever get fat, juggle while riding a tricycle type of woman. "

      These are just things I do for myself…screw what he thinks.

      "you don't it for the man, man never notice…you just do it for yourself…."(Drake)

    2. "Men want a model face, stripper body, lady in the streets, freak in the sheets, ph.d, kid loving, don’t ever get fat, juggle while riding a tricycle type of woman."

      Just Googled all this out of curiosity and the internet imploded…..

    3. "juggle while riding a tricycle type of woman."

      LOL! THIS is why I'm single! Thanks for the insider tip! 😉 LOL!

      *Jots "learn to juggle while riding a unicycle" on my To Do List* I'm an above and beyond type of chick 😉

      1. You have to know how to do all that with your eyes closed Starita. Plus you have to be naked with rings of fire on with the ability to jump off of the unicycle to meet his needs…and be ready to resume your unicycle/juggling show shortly thereafter.

        Don't forget all this with no hands….

        1. Really? Come on….Men are not that hard to please. Any man requiring all that from a woman is clearly overplaying his hand and OD'ing on the whole odds-in-his-favor thing.

          It's the simple things I like in a woman. The same simple things that most women I've been meeting lately can't seem to do.

        2. Really Leo, I mean really, really…Naw seriously…keeping it real Realest:

          Some men are very hard to please. I can climb a pole with one hand while applying baby oil gel with the other and you will still look for another hand to appear.

          Goddess Durga was probably thought of by a man…lol.

        3. Girl that sounds a whole lot like work! I gotta go back to the feeling that if he needs all that, he's just not that into me…cuz I'm not the one…I aims to please, but I'm no circus performer.

      2. Starita: "LOL! THIS is why I’m single! Thanks for the

        insider tip! LOL!

        *Jots “learn to juggle while riding a unicycle” on my To Do List* I’m an above and beyond type of chick"

        And this is why I love Starita.

        1. Eyebrows have to be perfectly shaped and your purse better match the situation.

          Also, granny panties are a no-no, no matter what time of the month it is.

          Furthermore, you should be able to roast a chicken while doing all of the above with manicure in tact of course….

          but that's not being picky, this is just what ALL women should do…right?!

        2. My toes did match! 🙂

          And Beef, honey, that baby's controlling your hormones right now isn't it? lol It does seem like a lot at times, doesn't it? We just gotta pick one that likes the things we already are/do.

          I like a man to take charge, I'm not going to pick the "go with the flow" dude and try to change him. Same with if he needs a fashionista, I'm not the one.

          I believe there's a man out there that wants exactly what I'm willing to lovingly give and vice versa.

        3. Star–it's not the baby trust me. Although I have been on rants lately…iknow. *sips on raspberry leaf tea.

          I used to watch that show Black Men Revealed and I almost cried when they did a show on what black men were looking for. Only one of the five brothers had a down to earth realistic view about what he wanted in a woman.

          The rest of sounded like they were looking for a wife straight out the mail order bride catalog with a hint of Playboy and Home and Garden.

        4. Wouldn't you think that our "lists" sound similar to men? I mean there are a lot of things that I'd "like"…but when that man came into my life, did I care that he gambled? No. I gamble, my Dad's a big gambler, that's something I can deal with. Did I care that he had lots of exes in his life? No. Just showed that relationships are important to him and he can make amicable splits. Did I count on him having a child? No. But he is an amazing father and has a great relationship with the mother of his child.

          We can make a lot work when we're in love. That superficial list flies out of the window when you're in love and decide to commit to a wo/man.

          I feel ya Beef, I do. It gets a lil daunting, I just feel like if a guy passes me over because I hate doing dishes or I choose time with loved ones over concerts or I'm too short or have too small of an ass…he just wasn't the one for me. Keep ya list boo, I'ma be alright.

  15. I love black men that are picky..:) cuz im picky as well.. btw im Filipina / mexican my man is Black bor and raised in sweden:D… For me i love him just the way he is. If we ever get married and he gets fat.. i will still hug him and love as much i always did. He is the best man i ever had.

    Girls who are busy with all that requirements list. They should think of it well . Cuz sometimes its not all about what we want… its what we feel for that person. 🙂

    Source: Based on own experience ! <3

  16. I don't think I'm too picky.

    She has to have a decent, steady job, but she doesn't need to be climbing the corporate ladder.

    Even considering that I stay in pretty good shape, as long as she stays at a reasonable size ten, we're good.

    I'm a reasonably attractive guy, so I don't think I'm picky by saying no mud-ducks.

    She has to be reasonably sane (we're all a little crazy), and reasonably intelligent (common sense, but doesn't need a 130 IQ).

    I'm Christian, she has to be.

    I think that list is reasonable. If that's considered picky, meh, then I'm picky.

  17. One thing I agree with is what J said. The physical area is probably the only area I am picky about. Physical chemistry is just so important. When a girl has that body type you like…everything else that is wrong with her just seems easier to tolerate. LOL

    So even though I have traits I look for….I'm not doing a check list everytime a meet a girl. Cause you never know how a relationship might turn out.

    I think the sillyest thing I look for is night people. I am such a night person that I try to avoid morning people cause they are always sleep when I'm awake.

    1. "When a girl has that body type you like…everything else that is wrong with her just seems easier to tolerate. LOL"

      ONLY for a lil while though, eventually the new car smell will fade and then what?

      1. I'm not sayin that's all that matters. I just think people underestimate how important sexual chemistry is.

        I'm not sayin it's the only thing. But like I heard Pastor Vernon say……don't marry a short man if you don't like short men. Don't marry a skinny chick knowin you like thick girls.

        It's OK to be picky over anything if it's gonna be a problem for you.

        I know I don't want to be with know brawd das not happy with me physically.

  18. There is NOTHING wrong with being picky. I think the idea of REALISTIC standards is another issue. Dudes can't ask for the world and have no country for theirselves.

    I also think that as you get older, you don't settle, but you get more practical in your list of demands. We all have certain dealbreakers that we will never compromise, and that is GREAT! The secondary type things, I think like Most said, when you find the right person, you see that some things may not be as important.

    I dont think anyone should apologize for their standards, but should evaluate the practicality and realism of said standards.

    1. Cosign. It's all about being realistic. That's the thing with high hopes or dreams, many can't distinguish it from reality.

      Practical should be the word of the day. We could all afford to be more practical.

  19. I agree with this post through and through! In the beginning I thought you were taking the typical route and going in on us women lol, #mademelook…but I'm so glad you spoke about the male species and their pickiness as well, bc honestly my male friends are waayyyyyy pickier than my girlfriends.

    Some of us need to face facts that EVERYTHING on your shopping list of 25,000 items is UNREALISTIC! Perfect example would be myself. I'm definitely not picky, but I don't believe in settling, I'm still young enough to be that way, honestly. But recently I've been dating this guy and we've been dealing with each other for like 2 months. Everything about him is ON POINT, physically, mentally, etc, etc….Or so it seemed! For a second I thought I hit the jackpot! He's fine, mind blowingly intelligent, well mannered….and I just found out not too long ago he's bisexual… (pumps breaks)

    So yea… just when I thought I met the person who had EVERYTHING I look for (on my short list), the dude likes dudes too… o_O

    So the idea that perfect or close to perfect exists is a FAIL.

    1. Look on the bright side. At least he was honest about it (assuming he told you and you didn't find out from seeing him making out with Tiny in the corner of the club)

      1. Nope! He didn't tell me, I'm actually STILL waiting on it to come from the horses mouth. I found out from two other people (mutual friends). Why I didn't find out about it ahead oof time (I.e. Before we started dating) is beyoooond me! I actually haven't stopped dating him (I know, I know loll). We'll see what happens, but til then my legs are closed (celibacy rules ftw!)

    2. LOL! I'm sorry, that's not funny.

      But you should've KNOWN better. If ol' boy was like that, you should've known there was a reason he wasn't wifed up…

      I thought you were going to say married….

    3. Is his name Arius? Lol. Giirrrllll, them perfect on paper men love springing in a surprise. When I meet a man who's all together, part of me wonders why he's still single…then 5th date in, BOOM, he has 6 kids and uses words like "conversate".

      There is no perfect man. That's why I try to go with my gut and overrall feeling about a man. I don't keep a list either. I just know when I like someone and know when I don't.

    4. Wowwwwww. Just. Wowwwwww.

      But hey look on the bright side at least you found out sooner (2mos) rather than later (8mos and beyond) after order His-n-Her Mongrammed towels. *Shrug*

      My rule of thumb is this: If dude is so perfect on paper and he's still single after a certain age something is fishy in denmark. And yes, SBM males some of us look at you in the same manner and ask "Why hasn't anyone grabbed him up yet" just like men tend to inquire the reason behind a female's single status.

      1. GirlSixx: "If dude is so perfect on paper and he’s still single after a certain age something is fishy in denmark."

        After a certain age, like 35, yes. But it takes most men a while to get bored with the bachelor life, and given that most people are $exing by the third date, most men in their twenties aren't in a rush to settle down.

        Not to mention men's prospects improve as we get older. Women's prospects worsen, and dramatically after around 27.

        1. @ Hugh

          "Not to mention men’s prospects improve as we get older."

          Really? #wheredeydodatat

          My bad….the politically and grammatically correct version:

          Where do these happenings occur?

          Between college, the time I took off afterward, and the military, my ish has been going downhill like Pontiac's sales since 2002. lol

        2. Where men’s prospects improve? Dey do dat everywhere. Boys become men. It’s one thing to be the pretty, light-skinned, green-eyed, basketball player with wavy hair in high school. When you turn 25, it’s a different game. Men will only get so far with their looks; he better have done something with his life and be able to support a family if expects to wife a good woman. I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of people that caught the vapors since their teenage and college days.

          Yep, I said caught the vapors. Taking y’all back to 88. And after SBM’s statement (#MadeYouLook), I’d be remiss if I didn’t say BRAAAAAAVEHEAAAAAAAAAARTS!

        3. @ Hugh

          I don't see that going on out here. At least not for me.

          I agree that we grow up and mature and the concept that the things that are attractive to women at one point shouldn't be the same things 10-15 years later.

          I still see women chasing the same type of man….just because he has some short-term quality(-ies) that she should have been grown out of chasing.

  20. Picky, no I am not. I don't nit-pick away at people's characteristics or appearance until there is nothing left. I think when you're picky, that implies that your looking for something to pick apart that just doesn't cut it for you (IMO).

    I think I'm more selective than picky, I don't look for faults in men (or women who are friends)…but I know what I can tolerate and what I can. Therefore, I'm selective about who I choose to invest in.

    1. "Therefore, I’m selective about who I choose to invest in."

      *round of applause*

      Precisely. The men I date, I am looking at for a lifetime position…if I'm not attracted or interested from the third date-what's our chemistry going to look like in three years?

      Yes, some people are ridiculously picky and there are 5'3" women that need 6'2" men, but that's not what I am talking about…standards, let's make them the new black.

      1. Thank you thank you thank you…you're far too kind.

        I agree…standards should be the new black. Hey Star, we should get some t-shirts made w/ that slogan on it. Get our money up #EverydayImHustling

        LOL!!! Yes, I wish the short chicks would cut that sh*t out. At 5'3 the average 14 year old is taller than you.

        Be nice and save the tall me for the tall gals like myself. :p

        1. "Yes, I wish the short chicks would cut that sh*t out. At 5’3 the average 14 year old is taller than you.Be nice and save the tall me for the tall gals like myself."

          #no. LOL. but seriously I don't have a height preference at all.

        2. Bust out laughing @ Reecie's Nene impression!


          She straight said "No" LaLa! LOL

        3. @Lala just jokes! I mean everyone is taller than me, I'm good with the shorties too…as long as he's strong enough to give piggy back rides (and other lifting) I don't care how tall he is….

        4. I'm 5'6" and most of my shoes are at least 4 inches…Sooooo that means with heels, I'm a cool 5'10" so I like my man to be 5'11 or taller if possible. There's just not enough tall, foine men to go around.

        5. I'm about the same height and heel height as you and when I stood eye to eye with Him and he didn't blink an eye, that ish was a turn on…don't ask me to give up my heels.

          His ex was his height before heels…I love that it didn't bother him at all, he had beautiful women on his arm-our height didn't effect his worth at all. He was the brother with the fine, well dressed women, that's all.

      2. @ Star… Are you talking to me? lol!

        I am 5'1 but I do like tall men. However I understand that my soul mate may be shorter. Oh well…

        1. "I am 5’1 but I do like tall men. However I understand that my soul mate may be shorter. Oh well…"

          Girl no! LOL, listen Chili, there are "preferences" and there are requirements. If you like a tall dude, I can't fault you at all, but if you pass up on a man that could make you happy for the rest of your life because he's only 6 inches taller than you O_o I'ma pray for you, that's all I'm saying…

          I don't have a preference for "short" dudes, but for whatever reason that's all I seem to have serious relationships with and I would never take any of those relationships back. Short schmort. What's that got to do with love? Not to mention at 5'5" even most "short" dudes are taller than me…

          Don't sleep on a lower center of gravity #Tricks


        1. Haha! Y'all are trippin' today! I'm 5'9, had on at least 4-4.5 inch heels when I went out Friday with a 6'2'….he still had an inch on me. Yay! No looking down for me!

  21. Alex Goran from the movie "Up in the Air" that George Clooney made about my life for the past 10 years. LOL:

    You know, honestly by the time you're 34, all the physical requirements just go out the window. You secretly pray that he'll be taller than you, not an asshole would be nice just someone who enjoys my company, comes from a good family. You don't think about that when you're younger. Someone who wants kids, likes kids. Healthy enough to play with his kids. Please let him earn more money than I do, you might not understand that now but believe me, you will one day otherwise that's a recipe for disaster. And hopefully, some hair on his head. I mean, that's not even a deal breaker these days. A nice smile. Yea, a nice smile just might do it.

      1. I loved it. Many people say it is the best movie about Generation X ever made.

        I have to agree since I pretty much was George Clooney's character from 2001-2009. It was scary how much his life mirrored mine.

    1. …and an appropriate quote.

      I like a sexy body like everyone else does, but I could give a flying eff for real. If he's severely obese, that's not hot, and I worry about all my men's health, but in general…just be a good guy, just love me, just be respectable. All I want is an ordinary life with my extraordinary love *clicks on over to Wayne Brady's "Ordinary" and dreams of her future husband*

  22. Well one of the last good relationships I had was with someone I never thought would be anything more than a 1 to 5 booty call. (That means it would be over somewhere between 1 to 5 encounters. LOL)

    But it worked out well and I learned that sometimes you the person that can make you happy doesn't come the way you think they are coming. That's why I've learned not to be picky. (Also learned that sex with shorter women is good Elijah Mohammed was on to something with the whole height requirement thing.)

    1. I read about the age requirement, had no idea about the height thing. #runs to do research.

      I'm a geek.

      I just hope they stop focusing on the list, and realize that not all the things they are listing will play out in some fantasy of perfection. As a matter fact, the very things you list will come with both advantages as well as disadvantages.

      I hope the disadvantages are taken into account as well.

      1. I am slick offended at all of this height discrimination. It's bad enough you had to endure a childhood full of short jokes. It's like it never ends. I remember in college a girl told me I was too short for her. Mind you, I'm 5'8 and she's 5'5. "But when I wear my heels I'll be taller than you!". Really?

    1. I've got love for a short brother, and ya'll are obviously "getting it in" so don't you worry your heads…

      I find it incredibly attractive when a "short" man (seriously since when is two inches from 6 foot short!?!?) is confident with a tall women in heels on his arm…he knows he's got more to offer than reaching ish on a top shelf. No shade to tall brothers, ya'll got your merits too 🙂

      1. Starita: "I find it incredibly attractive when a “short” man (seriously since when is two inches from 6 foot short!?!?) is confident with a tall women in heels on his arm…he knows he’s got more to offer than reaching ish on a top shelf."

        Me: 5'-8".

        The lady: 5'-11". Around 6'-3" with heels.

        Confidence: not a problem.

        1. @Hugh

          We're the same height playa. And best believe I gets DOWN. I used to date 6'5 basketball player. Had me feeling like I had just climbed the Matterhorn!!

  23. Um…not for nothing, but do you see how even though this post was about overly picky men, it still came back to how women are too picky and the man shortage?

    I'm just saying.

    Peep that.

    Something to think on.

      1. Actually, men do the choosing or so seems to be the consensus of married women I know… to which I think any woman who tried to make some dude she "chose" choose her in return will agree. So that's why it matters to us that men are picky. In my humble opinion though, it matters not so much how picky he is but rather why he's picky.

  24. I guess I am picky… If seeking a woman who accepts me for me as I desire to accept her for her is picky… If seeking a woman who at most demands of me what she at least asks of herself is picky… And, if seeking a woman who wants to include me in her present and future rather than who summarily puts me in with her “past mistakes” with men is picky…

  25. I don't even think I'm all that picky. I don't care how tall or short you are. Long hair, short hair, as long as its done I couldn't care less. I couldn't name a single ladies designer so as long as the outfit looks good I'm happy. Bathing regularly SHOULD be a given. A sense of humor is mandatory. You don't need to be a whiz kid but please be moderately aware of the world around you. I'm fence sitting on the kids thing. Maybe one but that's the most. And absolutely no boogerwolves, buffarillas, or chimpossoms.

  26. I love a man with standards. It’s sexy. Pickiness, on the other hand, is unattractive and annoying. Picky people don’t even know what they want, which is why they’re so picky. I enjoy seeing the forest through the trees and living up to the standards I’ve set for myself as a woman. Men and women who walk around with their eyes closed miss out on love and eventually end up settling in a game of misery.

  27. I love a man with standards.

    I like what LaBakir said about being selective, in our world today…it is tres importante!!! I am also selective. I select men that have a good heart, good sense of humor, are God fearing-cliche but it would be nice if we had that in common, and no children :-D…not too much to ask for.

    O and they must be single, not just in their minds (this is something you have to clarify nowadays).


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