A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post about women not being able to handle the truth about men. Well, I believe that turnabout is fair play, so men, it’s time you learned to handle the truth too! There are certain things about women that you need to know. Certain ideas that you may have that have been a fallacy perpetuated by teenage love sitcoms and whoever makes those “Save the Last Dance” type flicks. Let me open your thoughts to a few “truths” that need to be proven false:
Yes women do pass gas and have bowel movements
I remember a naive moment in my life when i thought that all women’s farts smelled like lilac and daffodils, and that their bodies made it unnecessary to use the bathroom, especially if I was attracted to them. However, this notion was thwarted the moment I was born into a family with my mom, my sisters, and aunts. Yes men, they do all of this nasty ish and more. In fact, be prepared to walk into any bathroom when they are on the toilet, because you love them and you’re acting like a little kid if you don’t! (Their words, NOT mine!)
Woman have had bigger and better than you
I never assume that I am the G.O.A.T lover of any woman, unless she is a virgin. Otherwise, you have to figure that she’s had that one dude who is, in her mind, the apex Mandingo warlord that ran through her coochie kingdom like Genghis Khan and claimed it as new territory. She may TELL you that you are, or say you’re up there, but most of the time it’s not the case. See, women will protect us from our own egos because they feel we are too fragile to hear realism. I think this is a case by case basis, but you let them tell it, you’d think men would want to Plaxico themselves if they hear that their motion isn’t making and waves in the ocean!
Woman are not angels in the bedroom, and weren’t angels before you met them
You know that thing she does with her tongue? The one that hits the spot every single time and makes your toes curl like the Grinch? Yeah my g, she’s had practice, and not on you! This isn’t a bad thing though and most men act like its atrocious. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather have an experienced woman in the bedroom than a work in progress. I’m not saying be a porn all star, but ACT like one!
They didn’t start screaming names and asking for c*mshots in the face when you started dealing with them. They didn’t wake up one day and say “Babe, I want you to use the Energizer Bunny on me, I’m tired of using it on myself”. This is a preference they have, built over time. For you lucky bastards who enjoy these pleasantries nightly, I bow respectfully to thee!
Women talk about the shyt men talk about, but are more XXX than PG
You want to be traumatized as a man? Eavesdrop on a conversation between women when they’re talking about men & sex. Wow. To say they talk like dudes is an understatement! This was another level!!! My ears started bleeding and my left hand trembled like Anthony Hopkins in “The Rite”. I was shocked, because although I only overheard like 2 minutes, it sounded WAY WORSE than hour long conversations I’ve held with men about chicks n sex! No judgement necessary, but I always heard that they talk worse than us, and it was confirmed… oh boy!!
There you go fellas. No more frontin necessary. Grow up and take the veil over your eyes dudes! Ladies, am I fabricating anything? Is there anything else you’d like to share?
Growing up with women has left me devoid of all innocence,