Home Dating & Relationships Relationships #TakeItToTheStreetz: No Country for vacations without your significant other?

#TakeItToTheStreetz: No Country for vacations without your significant other?

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What’s good SBMassive! Its time for another installment of the Take it to the Streetz series on Singleblackmale.org. Today I have a hilarious yet real scenario that came up as always during a car ride conversation. Buckle up, adjusts your seats, and get ready for the story!

So I went with 2 of my boys to a going away happy hour event. Good times were had by all. One of my boys met up with his girlfriend at the event, which was cool. We all live near each other and I didn’t drive and it was too brick to take the train home so it worked out that we all car-pooled when we left. So we were in the car, clowning girls and guys at the event, and talking about random sh*t. So me, being me, I bring up All-Star Weekend in LA (going down this month), and I was gauging interest to see who wanted to roll. My boy and his girl were in the front seat. When I innocently said “Yo All Star weekend we makin that move or what?!!!” His girlfriend gave my homie one of the most classic side eyes I’ve ever seen! He threw up hands,  looked at his shorty, and said “Man, I don’t know” LOL!

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So that’s when I decide to go ALL THE WAY IN on the topic! I start questioning the girlfriend, and our conversation went a little something like this:

Streetz: Why can’t he go?!! What’s the issue?!

Girlfriend: He can’t go because I won’t be there!

Streetz: What?! So you have to accompany him to EVERY vacation he attends?! Even a guys vacation?! 0_o

GF: If it’s All Star Weekends, YUP! C’mon Streetz, you know that the ONLY reason dudes go out to ASW is to fcuk and act ratchet!

Streetz: Well I don’t know about anyone else, but I was planning to see my homies from Cali, hit the party scene, and have a good time. Sex never really crossed my mind like that…

GF: *The Miz Voice* Really?! REALLY?!!

Streetz: LOL OK you got that. #ImSayinThough, don’t you trust him?! if you’re shook about him doing something that he’s not suppose to, that can occur whether domestic or abroad! A trip won’t increase or decrease the same opportunities he has right here in NYC!

GF: Hmm… Ok. Well if [NAME REDACTED] goes then you DEFINITELY CAN’T GO!!!

The Entire Car: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!! #RealTears

Streetz: What’s wrong with [NAME REDACTED] going on a trip?

GF: That dude is a little too much, and I know he does the most on vacations!

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Streetz: It’s not like you’ve gone on vacay with him before so…

GF: I.HAVE!

Streetz: *Thinking of rebuttal* Damn! lol… On another note though, If I’m doing something ratchet or other dudes are engaging in ratchet activity, it’s on your man whether or not he participates or is influenced. I won’t encourage him to do anything egregious to his relationship. A lot of times dudes don’t amp up committed dudes to cheat. they amp themselves!

GF: OK, you have a point.

Streetz: Now on the same note, can he accompany you on a all girls trip to Cancun or DR or wherever y’all go?

GF: Sure he can, it’s nothing!

Boyfriend: That’s cause all here friends are dry….

LOL

So basically in the scenario above, the girlfriends doesn’t trust men when they go on vacation together. I say it’s silly. Dudes have been going on vacation with friends and family since the first caveman wanted to take a walk and avoid the nagging of his wife back at the cave. Men nor women should be making decisions on vacations for their S/Os. What’s your opinion? Should women be wary of trips her man takes with his boys? Is it a double edged sword? Men should you impose similar sanctions?

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DR in October is a beautiful thing,

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Comment(91)

  1. you nailed it. that girl is my girl. I swear I had this convo about going down to Atlanta in a few months and I got cursed out big time. Guys should be allowed to go on trips with the fellas, but usually girls know how the fellas are (hoe bags) so all that trust goes out the windows because she thinks we're not strong enough to turn away from the dark side of the force when the boys are around.

    1. 1. We damn sure don't trust your boys … and uhh, we were raised to believe that birds of a feather often flock together — soooo, yeah. (Plus, much like an elephant — we STILL REMEMBER all of that craziness that you and ya boys did in undergrad … that isn't helping your case!)

      2. Better yet, the other half of the equation is the women that you're more than likely to encounter … those chicks don't care if you've got a girl at home — not a single one of these women is interested in ratting you out to your girl (who is probably over 600 miles away). What happens in DR, PR, Miami, Vegas, NOLA, etc … it stays there (unless the girlfriends have a falling out — which usually has a 97.4% occurrence rate). Oh — did I mention that at some point on a past girl trip, your girl was probably part of the "women" that we're concerned that you'll get caught up with when you head out with your boys?

      Fair? Nope. Paranoid? Yep. Will it change? Ehh — depends on how mature BOTH of you are.

      Good luck to ya homeboy, Streetz!

      1. U know whats funny: You say birds of a feather flock together, but you had no problem caging one of those birds, domesticating them, and calling them "My man".

        Chicken or the egg homie.

        1. Good point — I'd counter that with the fact that it took a woman to cage and domesticate that wild bird … Meaning she is the only reason that he's not flocking outta control anymore — his homeboys may still be wilding because they are untameable or just haven't met the right tamer. Out of those birds, he is the only "man". *tongue-in-cheek*

          But on a serious note … I don't take issue with either one in a relationship taking trips. The only time I was worried was when one of his homeboys (known to get in trouble) came along on an international trip. The concern was more so about if he gets locked up/detained/etc … what would that mean for the rest of the guys? (extra money, missing flights, legal rights, etc).

          However, I've talked with my homegirls about this topic — and typically if they have a problem, it's because of what I mentioned in my first post. Please make no mistake … LOGIC and reasoning, they are not a part of that outlook. That's just how they feel.

        2. Here's what I'd say to that. I wouldn't get in a cage with a lion even if his handler was there. Its STILL a lion. A domesticated animal can still flip out unknowingly. So while u say he was tameable, that doesn't mean his true nature has disappeared, its just civilized. Time and place sort of thing.

        3. LOL — I agree with you! But let's loop it back to the topic at hand:

          " So while u say he was tameable, that doesn't mean his true nature has disappeared, its just civilized. Time and place sort of thing. "

          That just feeds fire to the notion that homegirls should be concerned with their men hanging with the boys on these trips … the time/place is ripe for him to revert.

          Great exercise in metaphors, Mr. Write Now!

        4. Hmmm … Have I lightly sparred with you before, Adonis? I don't usually that comment that often. 🙂

        5. *respectful bow*

          But remember, whether you put a lion in a jungle or the projects they are STILL a lion! They actually might get MORE agitated if theyre NOT around their own kind and forced to live a life unnatural to them…

        6. LOL — Awww … the excitement, the danger, the unknown … isn't that why we get involved with each other in the first place? Each relationship is a gamble, never a sure bet. Each person's innate behavior is challenged when partnering up with another.

          Bring that lion on — if I get bit, so be it … but oh, the rush!! No risk, no reward.

          *respective bow – while eyeing the lion to be sure that sucker ain't moving funny*

    2. How does a guys girlfriend know for certain that his friends are hoe bags. #NoCountryForPillowTalkin. This to me is major mistake dudes make with their women. They think it's cool to playfully discuss the sexual dalliances of their friends, juxtaposing their friends hoeish nature against their own non-hoeishness. Again, it usually happens early on, they're usually trying to say… "those guys are crazy, but, I'm not like them." In the end though, guys like this are only hurting themselves. It's not cool and these sorts of situations prove why.

      1. I agree. Men always talking about what their homie is doing or did and making it seem like they are above it all…lol…meanwhile, we are using this little nugget of information for future reference…Men, stop diming out your homies all the time…lol.

      2. I agree. Men always talking about what their homie is doing or did and making it seem like they are above it all…lol…meanwhile, we are using this little nugget of information for future reference…Men, stop diming out your homies all the time…lol.

      3. I agree. Men always talking about what their homie is doing or did and making it seem like they are above it all…lol…meanwhile, we are using this little nugget of information for future reference…Men, stop diming out your homies all the time…lol.

      4. Preach! The only experience my fiance knows about is the friend of mine that is a habitual liar. We joke about it all the time. All of my other homies…nothing. I know more than I want to know about her friends though.

      5. CO-sign.

        i can't front though.. i will through the homey under the bus to save my own @$$.
        "Yeah baby that girl you don't know is texting me, but she is Streetz' new jump off. I was just the wing man."

  2. Wow… hmmm… from a trust standard… I should be able to trust her if she goes on vacay… & vice versa… She's an adult, & I can't hold her hand everywhere she goes… It is my job to be an All-Star BF & if that is not enough then a break-up is in order…

    Freedom goes both ways in a relationship…

  3. I don’t expect my SO to cheat. Everyone cheats but not in every relationship and at the end of the day I expect what I give out which is loyalty and trust. With that comes keeping ur dyck confined to my walls. I expect faithfulness in a committed relationship and I can't go into a relationship expecting him to cheat. Which means whether he's on vacation with his boys or hanging out in the city, the opportunity will exist. I expect my man to respect me and our relationship. I can't be and don't need to be around at all times and if I can't trust him to do right by me, what am I doing with him?

  4. What's all this about a man/woman being "allowed" to do anything! I don't tell my man what to do and he sure as hell doesn't tell me what to do. If an adult in a relationship needs to be baby-sat or told how to behave, then he/she doesn't need to be in a relationship.

    Ask far as I'm concerned, the only reason to check in with a SO before you decided to do something, like a vacation, is to:

    (a) make sure that there is no scheduling conflict and that the other person who's staying behind can comfortably pick up the slack – e.g. picking up the kids from school

    (b) determined if a vacation is something the couple can afford. Can't have someone spending money on a vacation if a couple has bills to pay.

    (c) generally making sure you are not neglecting any of your relationship responsibilities – should you really be making time for you SO instead of your friends because the two of you haven't been connecting lately?

    As long as those bases are covered, ADULTS can/should go where ever the hell they please.

  5. If you are not married then you have no business imposing any sanctions on anyone else..on the other hand, if you are married I still wouldn't impose any, if you can't trust someone to be out of the state/country without you there to monitor the situation then there is a problem much deeper that you have to contend with…and that is TRUST. I want to be able to go out of town with my girls…so yes, go out with your boys to ATL or wherever and have a good time…my thing is, if a person wants to step out on you they're going to do it in state or out…it won't even matter the location, believe that, and he is most likely to do it right up under your nose…not, out of state. Women chill out let these men live…and you live too.

    1. +10

      Just because you're in a relationship, comfortable and about that person doesn't mean it's not rife with issues. Trust doesn't come overnight, but damn.. I'd take being single over dealing with that kind of insecurity any day.

    2. Exactly. It's a damn shame when a woman is in a relationship where she has to monitor her man's behavior. Hello…There's a red flag on the play. He's obviously not a good man if you gotta check him like that. If a man's going to cheat, he's going to cheat. Any woman who doesn't allow her boyfriend to breathe has issues. having constant doubts and mental trip ups is a horrible way to live when you're in a romantic relationship.

  6. I CAN NOT STAND WHEN MY GF TRIES TO FORCE HER WAY INTO MY FUN! It has nothing to do with what I do out there, but instead she has to realize when I am out with the goons its less stress b/c you don't have to take care of anyone. Eff Chivalry, I want to enjoy some Pink's Hot Dogs and Roscoe's in peace. I love chilling with my GF, not going out. I like going out with my team.
    Everyone admits that girls are full of more drama. Everyone admits that girls are moody and over demanding.. yet its some kind of shock that we don't want to go on vacation with you?? Girls swear that they are the 'cool GF' who let their man have fun. NO they are not. No you are not. The only people who give out the 'cool girlfriend awards' are your boyfriend's crew. They are the only opinion that matters, if they don't like you…. you are a btich.

    With that said… 2014 FIFA World Cup, June and July. Rio BABY! Rio.

    1. So, Cheekz

      You don't like to go on vacations/out at all with your GF? I just want to make sure I am deciphering this right….also, I don't think women are one way all of the time…there are different dimensions to us at different times….and if someone is moody and demanding all the time..then that is a problem..and to your statement that the opinion of your boys..is the the only one that matters..that disturbed me…I think YOUR opinion of your girlfriend is the only one that SHOULD matter right?

      1. LOL at "if someone is moody and demanding all the time then that is a problem"

        Queen, doesn't "moody" mean "given to mood swings." I think the whole point Cheekz is trying to make is that women are moody. Sometimes y'all are cool as hell, sometimes y'all aren't. On a 7 day vacation, that moodiness shows it's head at least 5 or 6 times.

        Vacations with significant others are lots of fun. I think Cheekz would agree with that. But they are fun in a different way than a vacation with your boys is fun. Vacations with your significant other are fun but when you're with your SO, you're responsible for their fun as well, and having to make sure someone else is having a good time is work. It's fun work, most of the time, but work nonetheless.

        With your boys, it's just a completely work-free situation.

        1. Most-
          I appreciate your response..but, I didn't get from Cheekz' comment what you are referencing in yours…I am just seeking some clarity from Cheekz.

        2. Queeny my Love how you going to call me out like that. LOL. Most, my mature Hempstead Brethren, hit the nail on the head.

          'Work Fun.' Somtimes in dating/wifey situations the expectations get too much. While I am completely relaxed with wifey after so many years, I still have to stay on my Ps and Qs and not fall off the wagon just b/c I got her locked up in a long term contract. (I have done that before, really hurts the relationship). Sometimes I get called out on the carpet for being @$$hole cheekz, sometimes I get called out just b/c she isn't happy or SHE makes a mistake.
          Now I want to be clear when I say I think my girl is the best life partner to come from the Island of Hispaniola. However, I already don't like to travel or spend money. So combine those with the role that I play in my relationship…. no Sorry, I prefer to not go out with my SO. What drives introvert CHeeKZ to go out are his boys. And I am sorry that I referred to myself in the third person.

    2. First of all: "when I am out with the goons"…Goons? See that right there is why your girlfriend is trippen. The Goon squad gotta go. lolol

      And this: "The only people who give out the 'cool girlfriend awards' are your boyfriend's crew. They are the only opinion that matters, if they don't like you…. you are a btich."

      Haaaaa? *kanye voice* C'mon, what's the point in having a girlfriend? Just find a girl to eff at nights and hang out with your boys. lol No really.

      1. Look pretty girl,

        Too often I have seen men turn into suckers over people like you and your moist [email protected]!na. Despite the fact that you may actually be a mean manipulative person. However a guy can't see straight or know what is best for him b/c he is too busy being your man. That is why I trust the opinion of REAL FRIENDS. Real friends know when you are really happy and want nothing but the best for you. Real friends will tell you when you are tripping and when you are getting played.
        I know not many people have real friends so using your 'associates' to base your decision on can be dangerous. My friends are look a good unbiased jury.

  7. I think there has to be a healthy compromise. Men and women just have to watch themselves. Because at the same time, i'm quick to tell my boys where I have no business being at. For example, some weak dude told his girl about Puerta la Plata and Punta Cana. That dude was dumb, now if I tell my girl that me and all the boys are going out there, trust me it ain't to go trekking through the forest.

    Here's my thing, if you're in a relationship, there's just some places you should not be at because of the reasons why people go there:

    (1) Brazil – cut it out
    (2) Dominican Republic – same reason as #1, but you may end up with a man
    (3) Vegas – you can't go nowhere where the slogan is "what happens here, stays here"
    (4?) Miami – I live on South Beach, so i'm still going, but some men know they don't know how to act.

    Now if I tell my girl i'm going to Chicago with the boys, or i'm going to Hong Kong with the boys, she's got to chill. I think it just comes down to where you're going. Same for women.

    Another great point is the people you roll with. I have gotten that phone call from my boy who said, "So she said the bachelor party is cool as long as you don't have anything to do with it." If your friends have a bad rap, #sityoassdown. AND THIS IS WHY MAD WOMEN don't get trusted. Because your boyfriends know you roll with some h*es. Your friends are single and have a "f*ck it" mentality towards life. They get on a beach and Dexter walks by and it's, "What's a pretty gyal like you crying on the beach for?"

    #wooosh #wooosh

    1. Once again, I agree with Dr. J. I would let my husband pretty much go where he wants to go, but anything to do with an island? Oh hell no, not because I don't trust him, but because we both work really hard and when we go on vacation, we go TOGETHER — there is no way he's going to the DR or anyplace else with warm ocean water and leaving me home to cook/clean and car pool the kids. That's not happening.

      Now if he wants to go to the 'Cuse for a reunion, that's fine, I have missed many a black CBT and I know there's tons of his ex's up there. "eh" whatever, enjoy yourself. If he is acting too much the fool I'll get a phone call anyway (isn't that awful?) LMAO.

      If he wants to take a road trip with the fellas to Chi-town or anyplace else like that — cya, enjoy yourself. But I just feel as though an island is a vacation to be shared. We both work hard, we both pay the time share, we both pay all of these f*n bills, so when it's time for a break, we go together and if my gf's want me to go away with them to an island it's the same thing. I'm not worried about Dexter, just worried about what's fair.

      1. I think this is reasonable RedLady. In my marriage though, we have joint money, and then we have our own play money. What if your husband just saved his own money and paid for the vacation out of his own pocket?

        1. @Most, I'm sure he could, he makes more than me, so he could probably do so easily, but since he keeps me financially strapped and on my grind, f* that. We have a very strange financial relationship — it's not conventional at all, therefore my previous statement still applies.

        1. All this time we been going back and forth and you couldn't tell me that you were a Cuse grad. I've mentioned it in several posts… mhm! Anyway, good to know!

    2. If I trust my man, I trust him. I am not going to say, I trust you to go to these places but I am not so sure about the other places….I don't get it. He can go wherever he wants to go and if our relationship is solid..I shouldn't have to be concerned.

      Besides, I went to Vegas and absolutely nothing happened there…lol….but a lot of good food, walking and genuine fun…sometimes don't shyt happen in Vegas. lol.

      1. I'm with you QueenTea!!!

        Me and the ex husband used to do 2 vacations a year 1 as couple and 1 separate (me with my girls and he would go to his home town and visit his boys).

        But I also agree with Dr. J some places AND events are OFF LIMITS if you have an SO.

        Brazil, DR, cancun jumpoff, bike week, single cruises, etc.

    3. I seem to always agree with you, Dr. J. This sums up my whole opinion. And this: "Here's my thing, if you're in a relationship, there's just some places you should not be at because of the reasons why people go there." – I could have just typed this instead of my long comment above. Also, you live on South Beach? I didn't know that. I live in Ft. Laudy but SB is old stomping grounds.

      *praying I don't know Dr. J*

      1. Nah SmartFox, I mean that I live on South Beach meaning i'm there several times a year to the point that people think I live there.

    4. Man this hits right at home. I went to ASW in 07 when it was in Vegas. The (then) girlfriend was not happy about it. I went with my homegirl, her sister, and a guy I know through them. More people were supposed to go but flaked out. The whole time she made it seem like it was just me and 1 other female out together in Vegas.

      It was a good time but we basically treated like it was a regular trip to Vegas. Hit Casinos, bars, a few AS related stuff during the day and thats about it.

      The "great" part about it is that she was in nursing school so it was no way possible for her to realistically go.

      This actually ended up being a contributing factor to us breaking up some months later. Now that we are back together and engaged I honestly don't want to go on vacation without her, except for the bachelor party. The good thing is that I have friends that aren't going to encourage me to act up while sober.

  8. I feel sorry for the homey. I feel like this clearly has a lot to do with what he allowed to be acceptable early on in his relationship. This sort of thing starts at the beginning of a relationship. The very first time she tried to tell him what he was or wasn't allowed to do for recreation, in his free time, he should have put his foot down and let her know that that type of encroachment was not going to be tolerated. Had he done that from the beginning, she would have either broken up with him, or, he'd be rolling to All Star Weekend if he wanted to.

    Personally, having been happily married for going on 5 years now, I encourage vacations with the homeys/homegirls. If a dude is the cheating type, he's the cheating type, location does not matter. If he's not the cheating type, he's not the cheating type, location doesn't matter. That's the short of it.

    1. " If a dude is the cheating type, he's the cheating type, location does not matter. If he's not the cheating type, he's not the cheating type, location doesn't matter. That's the short of it."

      QED

  9. Homie needs a new girlfriend. Where does it stop? "You can't take that job, too many pretty looking girls to tempt you? No, you can't go to the supermarket, I didn't like the cashiers were eyeing you. I've decided I don't like your boy, he has too many hoes around him." A grown man should be able to do whatever he wants, so long as it doesn't affect the relationship with the SO. But that doesn't apply to a SO who is clearly insecure.

  10. Andy stole my comment – what is with all this use of the word "allowed"? Is that how the world works when you're in a relationship? We have to be allowed to do things?

  11. Wait what? Homie took her seriously? I mean I know women love to say what their guy can and can't do (to his face). From my experience, they're just talking to talk…

  12. What does "dry" mean?

    Anywho, I have mixed feelings. Yes I do girl's night out and I encourage my man to do man things. I think that's important for the obvious reasons. Now when it comes to vacations: it all depends on where you're going, the purpose of the trip, and who you are with.

    If I'm going with the girls to the Bahamas. No big deal. We're going to get away from man/kids, enjoy the beach, drink, and do nothing. Now if I said I was going to Vegas, yes my man would have concerns. The problem is the destination. Am I a cheater? No. It's not always a trust issue but more of what we're going to be exposed to. I can't live my life naive. The more you are in a certain element, the more temptation and greater the risk of making mistakes.

    I wouldn't tell my boyfriend he couldn't go just like he wouldn't tell me I couldn't go. However I do know his fears. I do have some wild single friends and I know he doesn't like it. Same way he has certain wild single boys that I don't like. My point is: these are all real, justified and valid fears. I really can't pass judgement on this girl's stance.

    Relationships are a fragile thing. If you love the person, it's worth protecting and no one would be comfortable with their man at All Star weekend whether they trusted him or not. I don't see it as "she doesn't trust him". She's just being honest about her fears that MOST people have whether they say it or not.

    1. Dry = Boring/Corny

      2) i think it all goes back to you KNOWING your S/O. If your BF wasnt a live dude or a ladies man, women would have NO issues with him going to All Star, Vegas, Islands, or anything. If son was a nerd who you know only you found attractive (lets keep it real ladies) then you wouldn't hasitiate to let him rock without reservations. I think thats the major issue here.

      1. Yeah I guess. My man is foine..like on all standards. He's not a player but he's done something to betray my trust. He's human. Humans can make mistakes. It surprised the hell out of me because I thought I KNEW him…and I do but my point is knowing someone isn't enough. We still need to do our part to keep certain foolishness at a low. When a man is attractive, he gets hit on alot. Same goes for women. I'm sure he wouldn't want me going to certain spots not because he doesn't trust me but because he doesn't like the idea of men being all over me.

        1. "I'm sure he wouldn't want me going to certain spots not because he doesn't trust me but because he doesn't like the idea of men being all over me."

          You just inspired my next blog.

    2. I call it “Respecting The Animal” inside of human being… And Las Vegas, New Orleans, Miami, Cancun HAS an “Anything Goes” energy Like The Bronx … And it is REASONABLE to have concerns… Even the mature, faithful humans can fall victim

      “Relationships are a fragile thing”

      That is couple specific… some people don’t respect the process of SOLIDIFYING their MONOGAMOUS relationship… so if you don’t have a solid relationship… it amplifies those insecure feelings even more

      (Case & Point: Guy knows he is not giving his girl enough attention AND not giving her the business [weird Young Berg Reference])

      This morning I was joking to my brother (who has a chronically insecure girlfriend), that an insecure mind has a WILD imagination…

      You would be put in crime scenes that YOU couldn’t even concoct on your BEST day

      1. Exactly. It's reasonable to have concerns. Even if you don't voice them, the thought still crosses your mind. I don't know ANYONE who trusts their SO blindly…not a one. We all have fears and to sit back and say you don't is hard to believe.

        When I said relationships are a fragile thing, I guess what I meant was they take work and years to build. Even then, little things can destroy it even with a solid foundation because we live in a time where there are so many diff factors that play into loyalty.

        1. This is why I wanna start a blog Bashing Women, jk

          It seems to me other factors in relationships that lasted 40 years ago… is that

          People didn't live as long AND because people were financially handcuff… it alot of cases people WERE forced to stay in relationships even though they were of low quality…

          Loyalty has alot of holes poking through it

    3. I call it "Respecting The Animal" inside of human being… And Las Vegas, New Orleans, Miami, Cancun HAS an "Anything Goes" energy Like The Bronx … And it is REASONABLE to have concerns… Even the mature, faithful humans can fall victim

      "Relationships are a fragile thing"

      That is couple specific… some people don't respect the process of SOLIDIFYING their MONOGAMOUS relationship… so if you don't have a solid relationship… it amplifies those insecure feelings even more

      (Case & Point: Guy knows he is not giving his girl enough attention AND not giving her the business [weird Young Berg Reference])

      This morning I was joking to my brother (who has a chronically insecure girlfriend), that an insecure mind has a WILD imagination…

      You would be put in crime scenes that YOU couldn't even concoct on your BEST day

    4. Excellent response! I completely agree. Since when did having valid concerns and wanting to nurture your relationship turn into not trusting the S/O and/or being insecure?

    5. @SmartFoxGirl & dmcmillian72

      It is a trust issue. A person’s fears stem from not trusting. The root of the problem is lack of trust. Her fears shouldn’t control/dominate what he can and can’t do. Where's her fear coming from? You don’t fear something or someone you trust. Therefore, she doesn’t trust him. People give into temptation…Temptation doesn’t give into people. He has to be the one to give into his surroundings, not the other way around. I live in Los Angeles and there’s nothing tempting or glamorous about Downtown, LA. Fear=not trusting. Insecure=not trusting. What does the word secure mean? If something is secure, we can trust it’s not going anywhere. Put the letter I and N in front of that word and you get insecure=I’M NOT SECURE.

      1. A person's fears do stem from lack of trust and no one should control another human being. Relationships are simply compromise. You express your dislike and if the person values your opinion, they'll listen or not. That's one way relationships work and stay healthy. It's all about communication but EVERYONE has fears. That has nothing to do with insecurity. What are you saying, because I choose not to put 100% of my trust in an imperfect human being that I'm insecure? Come again. That's a good textbook breakdown you gave but real life plays a role in one's expectations of another. It's called being realistic…and realistically I understand most women wouldn't want their husbands in a strip club. Do they trust their husbands overall? I'm sure they do or they wouldn't be married. Are they willing to put 100% of their trust into their husband in that situation? No because that's being smart. It's not what I want to believe but what it really is. Human beings are imperfect creatures who have a history of giving into temptation. A person can love you and still make mistakes. For example, I love and trust my mother. I trust that I can rely on her to be there when I need her most amongst other things. Can I say that my mother would NEVER do anything to hurt me regardless of the situation? No. Because she is human. Or another example: I trust that parachutes are made to make descent slow and keep you alive. Now would I go jump out a plane? No. Because I have that 5% doubt that it may not work that one time. It's all probability and chance. Many smart people are not willing to play with the odds.

        …and I won't even touch on how long it takes to build trust in the first place.

    6. hey, wait, i'm a vegas girl! although my city seems to be synonomous with sin, we don't have an exclusive on the stuff. believe me, what happens in new york (or los angeles, or miami, or heck, even toledo) stays in new york… seriousy, i agree with your post – especially that last paragraph.

      i'll prolly take heat for this but i wanna know why dude in front 'allowed' convo to even happen. if boyfriend has issues with his girl not being comfy with him going on vacay than he should work the issue(s) out with her – not send in his fella to lobby for him and all mankind.

      and for the record, travel is a HUGE part of my life so i'd want my passport pulling to not just be tolerated, but encouraged – whether my partner and i can go together or not. tho, if i can't go bring me back a little present and some 'baby, i missed ya like crazy' xex 🙂

      1. You know, I was thinking the same thing I just didn't want to say it either. Where do men allow other men to question their woman on their relationship? I've never seen that unless the convo was invited but even then. I would never ask my friend's man why he won't let her do x, y and z. That would be out of line for me. Maybe they're all really close like that.

  13. I think a man should be able to vacay with the boys. but I do understand the apprehension if he has a manwhore homie that always does too much. they say birds of a feather flock together…but sometimes it really just is one person that gets a bad rap. I dunno. One of the most admirable married couples I know–the hubby is going to All Star. Wife is not the least bit worried, she is making plans that weekend for herself.

    I know I'm gonna go where I want, so my SO should be able to as well. now if he's ALWAYS going on vacays with friends and never taking you anywhere, it may be a problem.

    1. "but sometimes it really just is one person that gets a bad rap."

      Speaking of, I think MIMITW would know of this…

      They say 4 guys can't hang out with each other without one "knucklehead" there is always one "off" guy, whether he has mental issues, player type, immature… idk… But that saying keeps coming up

  14. My bf and I were just talkin about this when we decided it's time for us to take a trip together. Cause I'm good for jumpin up and dippin on a girls' trip. Be it Chicago, Vegas, or Miami. Therefore, I can't say ish when he wanna go somewhere with his boys. Not that I would anyway. I trust, he trusts. I know what it is, he knows what it is. Cut that insecurity out. If you gotta worry, you shouldn't be in a rela'ship anyway.

  15. That picture is just wrong.. *lmao*

    All I will say is that I see no problem with the SO taking a vacation with his boys because while he and his boys are deciding where they trying to go I already made final payment on my girlie vacay. 🙂 *shrug*

    Yes, grant it we all have one friend in our clique that is a little bit loose with the boxers/panties but you have to trust the person you are in a relationship with because if they wanna cheat they can do it right here.

    TRUST is a huge factor in all of this PLUS having some NO FLY ZONES (places we can't go without each other)

    Good Post!!!!!

  16. i wish my girl would tell me i couldn't go on an all-dude's vacation without her. she could kick rocks. obviously there's trust issues involved if you think because i'm in another area code then i'm going to use that as an excuse to cheat on her. i was taking vacations before her and if she don't get her mind right i'll be taking vacations after her.

    like you said streetz, if ole boy wanted to cheat he could do that at home. sounds like she just doesn't want him to have a good time without her. i know a lot of women like that.

  17. Well at least she didn't act out and throw a Pepsi Max bottle at his head….
    0_o
    Maybe I'm on a different wavelength then the rest, but if there's somewhere that I want to go on this planet the only things holding me back are schedules and finances.

  18. This post is right on time Streetz. I live in LA, and lemme tell you, folks are HYPE about ASW being here. Everybody knows that this weekend is going to bring out the baddest chicks and flyest gents. If the game were in OKC, maybe the girlfriend in the post wouldn't feel as threatened. But LA, Miami, Vegas? No dice dude. He can't go without her. But why would he want to go without her is my question. Why would he, me or anyone in their right mind who wants to hold onto their relationship want to go anywhere known for jumpoffs? Me and my girls still take an annual trip together, but nowadays it's more likely going to be San Fran or Key West than the Essence Music Fest or Vegas or Jamaica around Spring Break time.

    1. "hy would he, me or anyone in their right mind who wants to hold onto their relationship want to go anywhere known for jumpoffs"

      Jumpoffs are everywhere my dude. Why should a dude live his life in fear of cheating? i cant goto MIA too many hoes. I cant goto Vegas, too many hoes.

      When will people be real and say their relationships aint as skrong as either one of them believe and they dont want any opportunity to see if broken?

  19. this post is SOOOOOO ON TIME! HAHA!

    preface: i knew nothing of what happens in brazil, DR…shit, wherever, until meeting this man.

    so on our first date, my now-bf saw all this sexy, didnt know what to do with himself, and blabbed on and on about going to brazil with like 10 of his homeboys AND wanting to take me (i assume for "cool" points, but he looked quite the opposite at the time)…after some months, he cancelled his trip, well actually none of his friends went, told me about it and our relationship continued…

    *sigh*

    now…he's super honest, so a few months down the line, he admitted that his intent was to go and uhhh yeah….he's divorced, never been, blah blah…. (insert your nasty imagination here)

    NOOOWWW, it's been a year…and this fool talmbout, can he still go? come onnnn…let's be realistic. NO.

    prime example of when honesty can bite that ass….in the ass.

  20. I'm late on arrival today so what needs to be said has already been said. All I have to add is:

    *pokes chest out* I'M A GROWN ASS DAMN MAN. I GO WHERE I WANNA GO WHEN I WANNA GO! as long as my girl gives me permission

  21. Haaaaa! This scenario is hilarious. There’s only two explanations for her response:

    1. He’s done her wrong in the past or cheated on her to the point where she doesn’t trust him anymore
    2. She has her own issues of insecurities/low self-esteem/ crazy woman syndrome

    Women should only be weary if her man has given her a reason to be weary. I’m not going to begin an interrogation process unless I have a warrant on his arrest. I broke up with a guy for trying to tell me where I could and could not go. I don’t approve of this type of control because I’m the type to break up with a man before I cheat on him.

    I feel sorry for your friend Streetz. Is this the same woman from your post titled, “Take It To The Streets: Significant Others and Strip Clubs”? Sounds like the same person. Both of these women have their man on a very short leash.

  22. Idk but all this telling a person what they can and cannot do in a relationship is crazy to me. At what point in a relationship do you "own" someone? I am married and hubby and I have traveled together and I have traveled alone including an all girls trip to Vegas. There was no drama behind it, his only concern was me returning home safely. It all revolves around trust..if you don't trust it doesn't matter if you're going to Madagascar or the corner store there's going to be issues.

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