Home Dating & Relationships Rules of Engagement I’m Not Saying You’re a Gold Digger

I’m Not Saying You’re a Gold Digger

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I want the money, money and the cars, cars and the clothes! I suppose, I just wanna be successful...

Website: http://www.WisdomIsMisery Twitter: @WisdomIsMisery

In one of the many battle of the sexes over on black Twitter a significant number of women were discussing income requirements for the types of men they would date. Eventually, the number $100,000 was settled upon. Basically the premise was that any man that didn’t make at least $100,000 would be automatically disqualified. Naturally, this was not well received by the broke men of the Twitterverse.

I don’t know the backgrounds of the women who were making these demands. They could have all been college educated gainfully employed women themselves or they could have been a bunch of broke high school dropouts permanently stationed in the hood. Either way, the argument put forth by the women was that this is the same as men only talking to women who have a large circumference round about their hind and chest parts. I didn’t participate in this conversation but it was interesting for a few reasons.

We all have standards. I try not to judge other people’s standards because it’s their standards and unless it’s someone I’m trying to get with, I could care less. Sometimes even if it is someone I’m trying to get with I could care less because for every woman that won’t there are two women that will. I don’t get caught up in trying to prove to someone why I’m worthy of them. I assume that people don’t ask more of another than they expect of themselves, even if this is not always the case, BUT with that said…

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Let’s be honest with ourselves. If you have an income requirement, that is superficial. This isn’t good or bad, I’ve admitted to being superficial numerous times here and abroad. However, while saying “He has to make $100,000 to get with this” sounds cute, I’m not sure people fully recognize the ramifications of some of their own standards. Specifically, according to the Census Bureau only 21% of American HOUSEHOLDS  make over $100,000. Also – and I hate to point this out – but that number is going to be skewed towards Caucasians and Asians, not African Americans, which is closer to 10%. This is HOUSEHOLDS, which means the Census counts all income earners or everyone under the roof of a house over 16. In other words, at minimum your $100k standard has already disqualified 80% of Americans. It’s actually closer to 90-95% for individuals but who is counting.

Another interesting point, is that African American women are graduating at higher rates than African American men. From high school, college, AND graduate programs. Thus, if you buy into the argument that increased education equates to increases in income then this would imply that black women will, over a period of time, begin to make more money than black men – not to say such a change isn’t or hasn’t already occurred. Given the standards put forth above, I wonder if these women will stop dating these men because of their lack of income and education? Education was not brought up in the part of the discussion I witnessed.

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I have to disagree with the assertion that using income as a determinant of whom women will date is the same as men using physical appearance. I am a man, however, so maybe I’m biased. Unlike income, T&A for the most part occurs naturally. You can grow into it or go to the gym to get/maintain it. You can even buy it. Whereas income is not wholly related to any one criteria. In fact, a lot of times getting rich in America is a matter of ‘luck.’ You may say education, but there are plenty of broke educated people and plenty of rich dumb people. So simply because you graduate from Harvard doesn’t mean you’ll make $100,000 a year or more. Your chances are greatly improved from the person who graduated from community college but not if the community college graduate starts up a successful business.

Gentlemen, would you be upset if you knew a woman was or was not dating you solely because of your income or worth? Is this the same for women as it is for men that exclude women based on physical appearances? Ladies, do you exclude men based on their education and/or income? Why or why not? For both the men and the women, how important of a role does money play when you are choosing a mate? Would you prefer, if possible, that the man make more money than the woman in your relationships or does it matter?

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Comment(109)

  1. I don’t mind women shooting for financially sound men… I don’t like the fact that some shallow women come under siege for it…

    But women who make that like the MOST important thing… I can’t take you seriously as a female… I would make boocoos of money just so I could TOOT them & BOOT them … I don’t want that kind of energy around me for the Long-Term

    As far as the 250K black woman dating the 30K black man… That’s tough… I am more accepting of that situation cause I am low-maintenance (financially), & I bring my A+ game everywhere else… but for prideful men & controlling women… I need some living examples… That takes alot of maturity to make that work…

    I swear to GOD .. Barack is the most swagnificent President I have ever seen, and although I didn’t vote for him Wouldn’t it be funny see him making it rain in the str*p club…

  2. I don't mind women shooting for financially sound men… I don't like the fact that some shallow women come under siege for it…

    But women who make that like the MOST important thing… I can't take you seriously as a female… I would make boocoos of money just so I could TOOT them & BOOT them … I don't want that kind of energy around me for the Long-Term

    As far as the 250K black woman dating the 30K black man… That's tough… I am more accepting of that situation cause I am low-maintenance (financially), & I bring my A+ game everywhere else… but for prideful men & controlling women… I need some living examples… That takes alot of maturity to make that work…

    I swear to GOD .. Barack is the most swagnificent President I have ever seen, and although I didn't vote for him Wouldn't it be funny see him making it rain in the str*p club…

        1. *Pulls Eddie’s Head out of the Sand*

          She’ right, but you usually see these instances where the Guy may be a 10 in the looks department but has nothing but lint in his pockets and the chick is a 4 maybe a 5 tops but has a deep purse.

        2. *Pulls Eddie's Head out of the Sand*

          She' right, but you usually see these instances where the Guy may be a 10 in the looks department but has nothing but lint in his pockets and the chick is a 4 maybe a 5 tops but has a deep purse.

        3. *brushes sand of fitted Yankee*
          *thanks GirlSixx from saving me from certain death by suffocation*
          *coughs out sand* Can you give some examples? I still have never seen this phenomenon before despite yours aand SFG’s claims…

        4. *brushes sand of fitted Yankee*
          *thanks GirlSixx from saving me from certain death by suffocation*
          *coughs out sand* Can you give some examples? I still have never seen this phenomenon before despite yours aand SFG's claims…

        5. Okay, let's take Monique and her slore of a hubby for instance although I think she is an attractive woman (so that 10 dude and 4/5 chick MAY NOT apply here) but let' be real here.. We all know who's name is on them paychecks.

          Britney Spears/Kevin Federline…..

          Ivana Trump and her boy toys of the month.

          *looks2SeeWhoisWatchingOvaMyShoulderAsItypeThis*

          A senior partner in my firm with a 15 yrs her junior fione azz dominican who she refers to as her "Boy Toy" . He travels all over the world with her ON HER DIME. #TrueStory.

          Need I say more??!!……

        6. -_* – giving you the Side-eyed Gas Face!
          Ok, point proven. I'm just saying that in my small circle it's unheard of for a woman to support a man.

        7. Hah! Sometimes it not even a matter of the woman being less attractive. All she needs is a little case of desperation.

        8. Oooh yes girl…and he's FINE and good in bed. Next thing you know, you're paying for his car to get fixed and his toothbrush magically appears in your bathroom. smh

  3. Actually judging based on appearance is about the same as judging on income. In both instances, it's due mostly to your genes/social status you were born into. They can both be changed by hard work and a bit of money/luck.

    Forgive the general incoherence but all in all they are both superficial as hell. The fact of the matter is being superficial is part of human nature. You can't fault the guy for wanting the perfect hip to waist ratio and you can't fault the woman for wanting the man with money. However when you base relationships on this and exclude people out of your dating pool simply because they don't meet some superficial ranking, then you are simply setting yourself up for failure.

    I think my philosophy is that income doesn't matter as much as ambition. I'm not a big spender so I don't need someone who is making a ton of money but I do need someone who works their ass off. To me, a poor, lazy man is on the same level as an entitled, spoiled, lazy rich man.

    1. "The fact of the matter is being superficial is part of human nature"

      You know what? You're right. You made me see the reality…we are ALL superficial in someway whether it be money, looks, status, etc. It's natural. Whether we say it out loud or not, we do wince at a man who may be poor or a man who may be unattractive. We have to be honest about that. I just think it's important to have your wants but be realistic and reasonable. Instead of a 100k requirement, maybe see if he has a stable career and makes enough to support himself and you too…that way when you finally live together and combine your money, you two will be living comfortably. Good point.

  4. Yes, I would INDEED be upset when a female is found out to be dating me solely because of my income!!! Notice that I say INCOME, not worth. I find it interesting that there is a song out called "A Woman's Worth" but there IS no song called "A MAN'S worth"… That tells me that society tends to see a black man as expendable, but that's for another time…

    To me, a person's "worth" is dependent upon how much that person is willing to put into a meaningful, MUTUAL relationship with another person who is willing to do the same. My experiences have taught me that there are two things that come and go, and are, therefore, NO TRUE basis for a man to base a real relationship with a WOMAN on: money and p*ssy. I have a saying of dating that I'm still working on in the statement but find USEFUL in dating: "Money and p*ssy comes as quick as each goes, and with each goes the females and hoes…"

    I don't shoot for "quantifiable" things from a WOMAN for basis in a relationship–I aim for PRICELESS things from a WOMAN… TRUE acceptance–is a woman as willing to accept me (warts and all) as much as I am willing to accept HER (warts and all)? TRUE common courtesy–is a woman as willing to demand of HERSELF physically, mentally, and emotionally in a relationship as much as she expects of me physically, mentally, and emotionally in a relationship? TRUE integrity–is a woman as willing to keep HER word as much as she expects ME to keep mine?

    To me, money is only a tool in life (but NOT in getting WOMEN), and p*ssy is a fringe benefit of being committed to a WOMAN. As much as I gravitate toward "bottom-heavy" women, that is, women with coke-bottle, bowling-pin, or pear-shaped figures, that's NOT paramount to me. I've attempted to bond with pear-shapes, apple-shapes, and , of course, hourglass shapes. Even with skinny chicks (which I admit that I'm not the first to be attracted to), I've been known to say that personality would have to OVER-compensate…

    As old-school as I've been brought up to take care of a woman, experience has taught me that that it's only common courtesy for a woman to contribute in her area of the relationship, in her man's area of a relationship, and in the area of both in a relationship as it is for a man to contribute in his area of the relationship, in his woman's area of a relationship, and in the area of both in a relationship. After all, life has taught (and continues to teach) this symbiont to NOT bond to a parasite… And, to stay CLEAR of shallow females…

  5. Just because a man makes 100k a year doesn't mean he is not BROKE. I would venture to guess he has some 100k bills to go along with that income. So, I always keep that in mind. I don't really care what you make as long as you are gainfully employed and handling your business.

    I don't think it is the same as liking someone based on looks…I think income is a little different..besides, unless you see the W2…a person can tell you they make anything.

    Also, if you are in your 20's talking about a man has to make a 100k and he is in his 20's…I doubt if he is making that yet..you have to work your way up to a salary like that..it is not something you go into a job just making that amount of money…

    Good Post WIMsy!

    1. Now THAT's the truth. You can have 100k but if you don't have good credit, FORGET IT. Even millionares lease everything and you need good credit to get financing. Most all major purchases will require a loan of some sort so good credit is essential to living comfortably. I see your 800. Hi-five for breaking the stereotype.

    2. Exactly!!!!!

      If your FICO score is poor guess what that 6 figure salary will turn into a 4 figure salary real quick, because you won't be able to buy a loaf of bread on credit.

      1. I was WAITING for someone to comment on the pic. That was my favorite part of this entire post. lol When I came across it I laughed and I laaaughed, then I was filled with great shame at the sate of affairs of the black community – but then I laughed some more.

  6. This is funny to me because there are all types of variables missing from this statement [one being basic common sense, but a woman said it so…..]

    Anywho, have these women taken into account that man's geographic location? For instance, I know plenty of people in the DMV at the GS-14/15 scale who are always crying broke a week before payday. Why? Because even though we're still waiting for the bottom to drop out of the housing market it's still expensive as hell to live out here. A crappy attached townhome with a mini garage you can barely fit a car in will still run you in the high $200-300k. So to live well and have a little extra cheese on your McSammich you and your wife/SO/concubine/whatever need to be pulling at least $90k+ or above. [not to mention if kids/school is involved]

    And when a woman comes with that BS, I've got to wonder what is SHE bringing to the table?

    1. “…I’ve got to wonder what is SHE bringing to the table” What she is willing to bring to the table in terms of emotional, physical, and mental reciprocity is one of my FIRST questions to a woman… Females and hoes ain’t worth sh*t but p*ssy that comes and goes… Only WOMEN with staying power are worth the investment of this symbiont…

    2. "…I've got to wonder what is SHE bringing to the table" What she is willing to bring to the table in terms of emotional, physical, and mental reciprocity is one of my FIRST questions to a woman… Females and hoes ain't worth sh*t but p*ssy that comes and goes… Only WOMEN with staying power are worth the investment of this symbiont…

  7. if they are dating u for ur income isnt that some form of prostitution? so if they lose there job u leave? will u be able to let go while being intimate?

  8. Ok, I came in here locked and loaded, but I had to put the heater down. (I'm extremely sensitive/passionate about this subject….especially since golddigger is SUCH an overused word and generally doesn't even belong in the discussion by the person bringing it up), but I digress. I agree with this post completely. Yes, I'm shocked too.

    A man making $100K is ridiculous as a criteria (and damn near impossible to find amongst BM who aren't chasing non-BW). It's funny, because I thought I wasn't making enough UNTIL I looked at my salary based on the average household, and I'm doing REAL good.

    The interesting thing is, just because he makes that much doesn't mean he knows what to do with it OR that he's not broke. So, that's just a silly figure that's thrown out by women who CLEARLY don't understand the dynamics of money and the difference in earning potential of BW and BM (that you broke down). I've made more than ALL my exes, except one who was of another persuasion, BUT, I did make more than him at first, but he changed jobs and got bonuses. So, BW really need to be realistic. It's asinine and not based in reality.

    You can be comfortable on way less, if you manage your money right.

    1. (this might be a duplicate, my comment got caught in moderation)

      Ok, I came in here locked and loaded, but I had to put the heater down. (I'm extremely sensitive/passionate about this subject….especially since golddigger is SUCH an overused word and generally doesn't even belong in the discussion by the person bringing it up), but I digress. I agree with this post completely. Yes, I'm shocked too.

      Lol Thanks for not coming for my head. To be honest I didn’t want to do another typical ‘gold digger bashing’ post. I feel that’s been rehashed enough around the Internets and we pretty much know how everyone feels about it. You have your supporters and your haters, like any topic. The motivation here was to point out the self-imposed limits people are placing on their dating pool by having this particular standard (among others).

      A man making $100K is ridiculous as a criteria (and damn near impossible to find amongst BM who aren't chasing non-BW). It's funny, because I thought I wasn't making enough UNTIL I looked at my salary based on the average household, and I'm doing REAL good.

      Another good point, especially that last sentence because I felt the same way. I hear all this talk about making it rain this and balling out that – even though I have no idea what these people do in most cases – and then I see the census report that says almost 50% of HOUSEHOLDS barely make $50k a year. Anyway, the statistics don’t match the rhetoric. As I got older, I learned to ignore it.

      It’s no secret that the “black community” for lack of a better term spends an exorbitant amount of time talking about money but not investment, saving or wealth building. Perhaps that’s a discussion for another day. For the record, I agree with the rest of your comment too, I simply wanted to responds specifically to those parts noted above.

    2. Yes. "The interesting thing is, just because he makes that much doesn't mean he knows what to do with it OR that he's not broke. " – the more money you have, the more you spend and the more bills you have to pay.

  9. I'd be miffed if I found out a woman was dating me for my money, but I practically EXPECT such a mentality these days. I mean I'm not rich by any means, so a woman telling me I am not ballin' enough for her just means that she is too short-sighted to see the man I am or appreciate the potential I have to be better.

    My message to those women is this: "Don't catch the vapors….Because I don't do second chances."

    What I find interesting is that I know a lot of so-called 'ballin'" people live so far above their means (or lead such an unnecessarily expensive lifestyle) that they're actually BROKER than someone that makes less but spends less. You could be a millionaire but have $999,999 in expenses and bills. That makes you a one dolla mofo. Look at former NBA player Antoine Walker….Dude made over 100 MILLION DOLLARS over the course of his career but he filed for bankruptcy last year. Where the hell can you blow $100 million that fast….and have NOTHING tangible to show for it? And MC Hammer? 'Nuff said.

    I don't need or want a woman with a lot of money. She's gonna judge me for how much money she thinks I should be making instead of the lifestyle I''m living with the money I make NOW…..instead of the man I am NOW (combined with what we have the potential to become TOGETHER).

    Women judge men by things they have no control over most of the time….like height, for instance. Surprised nobody mentioned that. And no, I'm not just another short man salty because some woman called me short. I'm just stating the facts. I'm short enough to remember that biologically speaking, being tall is a recessive gene. Meaning that AT BEST…..25 percent of men are actually tall. If women wanna discriminate against NATURE, that is fine with me. Keep those idjits away from me. And to hell with all that "But a tall man makes me feel more secure" BS…..I've seen some Charmin-soft 6'5" ninjas get knocked the f*ck out (no Deebo) or otherwise roughed up all the same as women claim short men are only good for.

    1. "Women judge men by things they have no control over most of the time….like height, for instance. Surprised nobody mentioned that. And no, I'm not just another short man salty because some woman called me short. I'm just stating the facts. I'm short enough to remember that biologically speaking, being tall is a recessive gene. Meaning that AT BEST…..25 percent of men are actually tall. If women wanna discriminate against NATURE, that is fine with me. Keep those idjits away from me. And to hell with all that "But a tall man makes me feel more secure" BS…..I've seen some Charmin-soft 6'5" ninjas get knocked the f*ck out (no Deebo) or otherwise roughed up all the same as women claim short men are only good for."

      Why you mad, tho?? iKid (sorta)

      Seriously though. I mean as long as you're happy with you, that's all that matters.

      As far as the money situation, to me, ambition coupled with hard work to make it come to fruition and/or creativity is more important to me (also, good with money) than making $100K. PLUS, $100K is just a nice, round figure people like to throw out there, but it's no good without growth. What if he loses his job and it making WAY less at another job because he never chose to grow in his field? OR grow outside of his field? #nobueno

      1. Seems like only in the movie was Esmerelda able to see the inner qualities that Quasimoto had.

        Women don't give a damn about 'potential'. most of them seem to be "What have you done for me lately?" (No Janet)….or better yet…."Is you rollin'?" (no Yung Joc….lol)

        1. LOL @ your musical references.

          You know, I don't give a damn about "potential" either. I believe EVERYBODY has potential. The real question is whether or not you're using it. Also, using your potential means looking at the big picture and acting accordingly. For instance, if a guy is making a lower salary BUT it's allowing him to gain a certain skill set or specific knowledge so that later he can use it to his advantage, that's using his potential, although on the surface it may not seem like it.

          The only way to "see" if a person has potential is if they're "livin' what they're kickin" (no T.I.)

    2. What I find interesting is that I know a lot of so-called 'ballin'" people live so far above their means (or lead such an unnecessarily expensive lifestyle) that they're actually BROKER than someone that makes less but spends less. You could be a millionaire but have $999,999 in expenses and bills.

      *APPLAUSE*

      You are on point with this sentence.

    3. "Women judge men by things they have no control over most of the time…."

      We men have that market on lockdown… more intensely than women… do you froget that as men we like coke bottle shapes & T&As…

      Although it is in abundance, some women get shafted because they don't meet the THICK/SKINNY requirements…

      1. Nope….I don't have that market cornered. I was never that shallow and superficial. Give me a 5-6 with an 8 personality any day.

  10. Hmmm…. I'm wondering how old these women are.

    I wouldnt say he has to make a certain amount but I would like it if our incomes put together was over $100,000. Hey, I want to be part of that exclusive 21%!

  11. Also, yes black women are getting more degrees…..but in what? The VAST majority aren’t getting degrees in the sciences, or any other lucrative major. They’re getting degrees in child care, sociology, music, women’s studies, etc. So more degrees don’t mean more money…..at minimum it means more student loans.

  12. OK its funny someone mentioned worth. Cause I've been tellin people forever to stop tryin to find out how much money someone makes and to start finding out what their net worth is. A Harvard educated docter….unless he comes from a rich family probably is about $200,000 in debt at age 30.

    I've dated women that made more than me but most had major credit card bills whereas I have zero credit card debt. So again my net worth is more. If you live in a huge McMansion in the burbs or an overpriced condo in DC…….but I own a home in the hood……once again my net worth is higher.

    If you start lookin at net worth you'll see it has very little to do with how much you make.

  13. Women like that still exist?? Who walks around with a set income requirement? And how do you even bring that up with someone you're just dating? Their income shouldnt even matter until you start thinking about getting married. As long as dude isnt a financial burden on me, I couldn't care less how much the man I'm dating makes (as long as he doesnt come to my house trying to run sh*t…lol)

    1. Well I brought this up last week……asking someone "What do you do for a living?" Is really just code for "How much money do you make." You can ballpark anyones salary if you know there job title.

        1. LOL, although that sounds like a great idea, in theory. That's one of those questions that doesn't translate so well as asked. It has so many implications that it can easily go very wrong, very quickly. Unless you just don't care, then ask away.

          I'd find it off-putting if a guy asked if I have a job and I'd expect he'd feel the same way if I asked that. Side eye on both cases….

        2. Asking a person what they do for a living is a common question when you are getting to know someone. I wouldn't take offense to being asked my occupation. If my date asked me how money I make then that would cause me to raise an eyebrow.

      1. Not really…a program analyst (the most overused job title in DC) can make anywhere between 40k and 115k lol. But, I don't really ask that question either unless i'm asked first…

        1. I could still ballpark it with a few follow up questions. Your age, if you manage, the training you've taken and the projects you've worked on…..Federal Government jobs are the easiest to guess.

  14. First thing that came to mind was this.

    Equating the 100k requirement to a T&A requirement. So these wonderful ladies just said that their physical assets are worth 100k.
    1. I think we need an appraisal
    2. Is this USD? That's not worth that much currently lol

    If a woman dates me solely because of my income then that just makes it easier to weed her out. I'm so low maintenance its ridiculous. I don't mind spending on a lady but she has to show she is worth it.

    Let me find out she is being shady…I'm keeping receipts.

    1. "Let me find out she is being shady…I'm keeping receipts." ANY female who checks me GETS checked… ANY female who don't trust me gets THREE times MORE distrust…

  15. I don't make 6 figures but I'm close 😉 Could I require my mate to make at least 100k? Absolutely. Is it superficial? You better believe it. Is it a realistic goal? Hell to the naw. I've never dated a man who made more than I did. (Yes you read right) and I live in a city that's plush with millionaires, my parents are wealthy, etc so I grew up in that lifestyle and could easily expect it now. For me, I'm not attracted to money men in general. Plus, I feel much more comfortable in spending my own money. (Yes you read right) Spending another man's money comes with consequences…like control. If a guy I like just happens to be financially well off, great but to pick out a man based on money is ridiculous. What else? For me, it's a package deal. And fellas, don't believe the women…we have long lists but RARELY will you see us with a man who meets our list. Either we're with a blue collar man or we're single.

    Also, I want to add this: I know it's going to sound cliche' that money isn't isht. We really should just strive for financial stability. Let me tell you why…this is a generalization but money changes you. Many of the wealthy men I know are arrogant. It's not that they're bad people, it's just that they think they're better than you and it comes across in many ways. I know some will say I'm wrong and stereotyping but trust that I know enough upper class people to make that statement and stand by it. I very RARELY meet a wealthy man who is humble. Plus, many of these men work their @sses off to maintain their lifestyle which means less time with you. They work 90+ hours in a pay period. They also become very picky in who they choose to be their woman. It's really not all it's cracked up to be. Trust me.

    1. Many of the wealthy men I know are arrogant. It's not that they're bad people, it's just that they think they're better than you and it comes across in many ways. I know some will say I'm wrong and stereotyping but trust that I know enough upper class people to make that statement and stand by it. I very RARELY meet a wealthy man who is humble.

      ^^^^Say it Again!!!!^^^^

    2. "And fellas, don't believe the women…we have long lists but RARELY will you see us with a man who meets our list. "

      THIS! Our "lists" are wants, not needs for the most part. If he meets my needs, he's perfectly wonderful, regardless of how many of my wants he's missing. My needs list is a much shorter than my wants. A girl can dream!

  16. $100, ooo? How is that realistic? No wonder some of us get in trouble with guys with fake lives. There are more important things than money.

  17. I can't believe women still walking around saying this…. Really tho?!??

    I am a firm believer in A Man makes the mOney — Money don't make a man although some think otherwise.

    I wouldn't require/insist that a man bring 6 figures to the table when I myself CAN'T match him dollar for dollar.

    1. "I wouldn't require/insist that a man bring 6 figures to the table when I myself CAN'T match him dollar for dollar."

      (*Light Bulb comes on in TRL's head*)

      So can we also outlaw 4'3" women requiring that their men be 6'13"?

      (I'm just saying…..going by that line of logic, they aren't matching their man inch for inch….LMAO)

      Good point, though.

  18. I'm trying to figure out how women can tell whether a dude makes 100k? I know dudes who make well over that who live check to check, and I know dudes who are approaching it but are a little below it, that live super comfortable. It's not only about how much money you make, but also how you manage it.

    I don't think salary requirements are cool, but, I think lifestyle requirement are… so long as they're reasonable.

    1. "I don't think salary requirements are cool, but, I think lifestyle requirement are… so long as they're reasonable."

      Exactly.

  19. Those twitter chicks are full of sh*t. I'd bet my whole salary that the guy they're involved with RIGHT NOW doesn't make 100k. They're just talking outta their asses to look good in front of each other……as if they've got standards. GTFO

  20. First off chasin 6 figure dudes is stupid. There aren't that many of them. Second, the dudes I know that do make that type of money, they have options, on top of options, on top of options. And most are in no rush to be married. So plan on being a member of his harem if you chase wealthy black men.

    1. HUGE point that needs it's own point…

      "People in DEMAND are DEMANDING"

      Here is the difference between Men & Women… (& Dr. J would agree)

      THERE ARE SO MANY PRETTY, SEXY WOMEN IN THE WORLD (I have a sh*t load of sexy women's pics on my hard drive to PROVE it) so man with high standards & social value can get what he wants

      Conversely, because there are so few men with STATUS (which I lack at the moment) & so many pretty women to CHOOSE from… Why should that particular man commit to any particular woman…

      That is what women face when they want the "quality" men…

  21. I don't have an income requirement, but I do disagree that making money is all about luck. That's the EXACT mentality I want to avoid in a man. It screams complacency and an unwillingness to control your own destiny.

    I like a man who is ambitious and proud of the work he's chosen to help define his life. So a high school principal might not make a ton of money, but if he's leading one of the highest performing city schools in the nation, that's hot. A writer may not be making hundreds of thousands, but if he's regularly getting published in the New Yorker, that's hot.

    It's not about limiting myself to a specific number re: income; it's about finding someone who has a zest for life that expresses itself in every way, including his chosen profession.

    1. "I don't have an income requirement, but I do disagree that making money is all about luck. That's the EXACT mentality I want to avoid in a man. It screams complacency and an unwillingness to control your own destiny."

      Honestly, I think it’s still related to luck. In fact, the very examples you provided only served to reinforce my point. For better or for worse, most ‘wealthy’ people in America were born into wealth. There are always exceptions: Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, and Warren Buffet come to mind to name a few. But for those few, there are thousands of people whose families were wealthy, clearly giving them a ‘head start’ in life.

      Thus, moving beyond the discussion of wealth, the reason I tie money to luck is because in some instances no matter how passionate you are about a career you’re going to top out at some point, unless that career is in Investment Banking or something based on returns, e.g. a CEO with stock options related to successfully running the business or a personal business owner, etc. To my earlier point, the examples you provided: principal, writer, etc are usually not recognized for their money making potential, whether these people are passionately and gainfully employed or not.

      "I like a man who is ambitious and proud of the work he's chosen to help define his life. So a high school principal might not make a ton of money, but if he's leading one of the highest performing city schools in the nation, that's hot. A writer may not be making hundreds of thousands, but if he's regularly getting published in the New Yorker, that's hot.

      It's not about limiting myself to a specific number re: income; it's about finding someone who has a zest for life that expresses itself in every way, including his chosen profession."

      I know writers don’t make a lot of money because I am one. Lol Especially in this day and age when the Internet has saturated the market and people love to write for free simply for the exposure. That’s fine. Personally, that’s why I have a day job and at this point writing, for me, is mostly a hobby. Although I make a little money here and there, I am by no means getting rich from it. Now if you want to talk about authors that’s another discussion.

      Anyway, I can appreciate that you have personally chosen to look beyond the specifics of income to the ‘zest’ one expresses. Ideally, that’s how it should be; however, to say that because someone has a zest for life or their career they will in turn make a significant amount of money is in my opinion misleading, depending on what career field they are in.

      1. I think something that a lot of people fail to speak about when it comes to earning potential is work ethic. You can have 5 degrees from Harvard and be the smartest man in the world, but if your work ethic sucks…if you don't like to work hard, then that can effect earning potential as well.

        I was speaking to my boss about this. Her husband is basically a handy man. He knows how to fix and install everything. Sure… most women would have overlooked him. But because of his skills and his work ethic, he was able to become maintenance manager at the property management company that he works for, which one of the perks is a free apartment. Since they were able to get a free apartment, they were able to rent their house out and make a small profit. They in turn saved their money and started buying other rental properties and started their own business. And guess what? They don't have to pay anybody to come in and do any repairs or renovations on the properties because he knows how to do it all his self.

        He doesn't have a degree and is not typically looked at as someone who has the potential to become successful, however, because he has a marketable skill and a great work ethic, they are doing VERY well for themselves.

        I don't care about finding a man who is making six figures. I want a man that is willing to work and work HARD and has a marketable skill. We can work up from there…

    2. "It's not about limiting myself to a specific number re: income; it's about finding someone who has a zest for life that expresses itself in every way, including his chosen profession. "

      Now that's HOT! (fans self)….humilty and appreciation for self worth is so damn atttractive. The intimacy level of your relationships should be deeper than Barry White's Voice at the bottom of the Sea of Atlantis!

  22. Also, yes black women are getting more degrees…..but in what? The VAST majority aren't getting degrees in the sciences, or any other lucrative major. They're getting degrees in child care, sociology, music, women's studies, etc. So more degrees don't mean more money…..at minimum it means more student loans.

    1. i don't know. in my program in the last 3 years there have been 3 incoming male students (one in each class) and an average of about 11-12 female students. if you use my program as a microcosm of what's going on in the real world then women are getting more science degrees as well.

    2. To taut's point, I have a degree in business and there weren't many black male faces surrounding me at the time, despite the fact that I went to a black-er school, not an HBCU though. This was further emphasized at the point of graduation. Granted I did graduate relatively young, 22.

      Anyway whatever the degree, it is usually better than no degree at all. This has been statistically proven. What I think you’re alluding to is that not all degrees have the same return on investment relative to the school loans incurred, which I’ll admit, is a good point. e.g. if you paid $100k for school then make $30k a year upon graduation, that can be viewed as a poor investment – depending on your motivations for going to school in the first place. You MIGHT have been better off making $25k a year with no school loans. I think we’re venturing into another arena with that argument. I’m happy to debate it but I wont go down that road unless someone is interested in having that conversation here in the comments. *shrugs*

      1. As a former engineering student, I agree. Especially went for the (few) female students in engineering at HU. Most were either of African descent or from the islands, meaning us regular American Brothas had no shot at them anyway. LOL

  23. commencement is in may. i plan on making six figures within 5 years and by six figures i don’t mean $100,000 because lets be honest after taxes thats nothing. i mean upwards of 250K. would i be upset if a woman dated me based on my earning potential? yes i would because that doesn’t define who i am.

    most likely a lot of people won’t know my income until they get really close to me. i come from humble beginnings. both my parents are working class. i don’t plan on being “hood rich” with my money. i’ve never been flashy so you won’t be able to tell so if a woman likes me she’ll like me based on my own merit.

  24. $100, ooo? How is that realistic? No wonder some of us get in trouble with guys with fake lives. There are more important things than money.

  25. Off the top…it would be a blessing to me to know which women walked the earth with that thought in their head. thats the woman I want to avoid. not because Im not capable of such a financial status, but a woman solely judging me on that bias (per se) is an idiot.and shes probably single. women like that, I give plenty of space to.

  26. commencement is in may. i plan on making six figures within 5 years and by six figures i don't mean $100,000 because lets be honest after taxes thats nothing. i mean upwards of 250K. would i be upset if a woman dated me based on my earning potential? yes i would because that doesn't define who i am.

    most likely a lot of people won't know my income until they get really close to me. i come from humble beginnings. both my parents are working class. i don't plan on being "hood rich" with my money. i've never been flashy so you won't be able to tell so if a woman likes me she'll like me based on my own merit.

  27. I think the song by Kanye was so spot on because what he was addressing is a harsh reality in dating. Most of the women here are lying to themselves. Listen, a man has a role to provide and if he ain't got any money, he can't do that. Women don't like men because of their money in the bank, they like them for their spending potential. Kanye was clear, i'm not saying she's a golddigger, i'm just saying you can't be broke. This concept goes back to what we learned in high school about men with cars. Is a car going to dictate why she dates you or not? Nope, but if all things are equal can it be a dealbreaker? You damn right it can be. You can have two men with all the same things on their resume except for one thing, he's a community organizer and he's a banker. That banker is going to win, win, win, more times than not. All things equal, we're not dealing in a scenario where the community organizer is more down to earth and the other isn't. Let's assume they are both the same.

    Last to clarify a few things, Wiz: I've studied the disparity in graduation rates for Black women and men, and the effects of that on salaries. And in research we have seen nothing but the opposite. The salary gap between Black men and women continues to increase and there is no evidence that Black women will one day make more than Black men. There still exists male privilege in corporate America. (2) MIMITW, women don't have any rhyme or reason for why they think a man is making six figures or seven figures, they typically do things like; ask or watch spending habits. As much as they judge us for judging women on looks, they do the same thing about men and their money. Trust me, if you rolled up to the spot in a Prius, you would get no play compared to the dude who showed up in a Maserati. However, it's no secret that the car of choice amongst millionaires is a Toyota Prius.

    And they wonder why we pour champagne on them. It's because they'll sit there and like it and say, "That n*gga's balling. He wasting champagne like it's NOTHING."

    1. The book The Millionaire Next Door says exactly that. People who really do "have it" like that are the ones you'd least expect because not only can you not "see" their money, but they could care less about "looking" the part and more about actually "being" it.

      1. Exactly! That's the diff between made rich and hood rich. Alot of these wealthy white men don't dress very nice. The only indication they have money is their watch/shoes. Other than that, they don't look the part. The ones who "stunt" are the ones who aren't used to it so they're excited and want to show it off.

    2. I understand you're talking about women in general. I just feel compelled to state that every generality that you made is in direct opposition to how I date.

      EXCEPT "As much as they judge us for judging women on looks, they do the same thing about men and their money."
      I do judge men on their spending habits. I watch to see if he's frivolous, if he pays his bills on time, if he has savings or just needs to burn through all of his paycheck every month, if he selects merchandise based on quality or simply status, I determine my own idea of his credit score. Responsibility is huge to me and if you can't take care of your money, I absolutely will consider that when determining if you are a suitable potential mate for me.

      The difference in my mind however, between judging a man's spending habits and judging a woman's hip to waist ratio is that it directly correlates to our relationship and our daily personal interactions. Youcould argue that her HTW ratio could be an indicator to her overall health and fertility, I guess. But even that theory has substantial holes. Many a healthy, fertile woman is lacking in hips or breasts or hind parts. So what's her shape really got to do with how she is as a potential mate? (assuming you do find her attractive, her HTW ratio is just outta wack)

    3. "Last to clarify a few things, Wiz: I've studied the disparity in graduation rates for Black women and men, and the effects of that on salaries. And in research we have seen nothing but the opposite. The salary gap between Black men and women continues to increase and there is no evidence that Black women will one day make more than Black men. There still exists male privilege in corporate America. "

      Did not know. I was basing my assessment strictly on school/education, which as I pointed out later in the post can be a flawed logic. lol @ myself for doing as much. Still, what you said is kind of sad for women……dah well, tough break! *adjusts manhood and walks off*

  28. I never had an income/education requirement because although my I expect my SO to provide if he is able, I also bring plenty to the table.

    I have dated the broke and the comfortable; I find that both have their pros and cons. Furthermore, I find it easier to deal with either if I am emotionally attached to that person. IMO, money never made it easier to deal with a jerk.

    It doesn't matter to me, I can work with it all. As long as he knows what to do with his money, I am happy.

  29. Aren't the women just making a comparison between the assertions of men who state a woman needs to be of a certain body type and women who think that a man should make 100K+ at minimum?. The point in my mind is that both notions are ridiculous. If a dude is stating he needs a 36 24 40 with a gorgeous face and amazing brain skills, then why is it more ridiculous to say a man should be making 100k? But, I definitely did not read the tweets nor participated in the discussion.

    1. my guess is b/c 1) if a ninja says he likes 40' waist, he would still take a 38 or 36.

      But if a girl said she has a 100k cut off… a 90k dude can't beat?
      Plus @ss is practical, we like it b/c it feels good in our hand. We like head b/c it makes us nut. While these things maybe shallow, they are in accordance with what you expect from a relationship, chex.
      What does 100K do for you? Why is that even a requirement? B/c you want him to spend some on you? B/c You want to show him off?

      1. Sorry. I'm late. I'm not one of those women so, I can't explain their reasoning but it sounds satirical in nature. The same question can be used for why a man would like to have a woman who has all the requirements stated above- what does he want to show her off?… IMO he doesn't sound like he wants to be with her but to show her.

  30. 1. HOW IS JONES BALANCING THAT STACK ON HIS HEAD????

    (sorry, just had to get that out the way, lol…)

    2. i do understand the deal. right now, i’m broke…no matter my “inherent good qualities”…women won’t give me time of day, and that’s cool. that’s their perogative (no bobby brown) and their preference. i have my preferences as well, and that’s all good. me personally though, if a woman thinks having 100K is a requirement, it would be easier for me to find my match…than it will be for her.

    but i understand the deal, men have to be providers, so as such, i’m trying to be bout that bread like a English Muffin factory

  31. 1. HOW IS JONES BALANCING THAT STACK ON HIS HEAD????

    (sorry, just had to get that out the way, lol…)

    2. i do understand the deal. right now, i'm broke…no matter my "inherent good qualities"…women won't give me time of day, and that's cool. that's their perogative (no bobby brown) and their preference. i have my preferences as well, and that's all good. me personally though, if a woman thinks having 100K is a requirement, it would be easier for me to find my match…than it will be for her.

    but i understand the deal, men have to be providers, so as such, i'm trying to be bout that bread like a English Muffin factory

  32. Whoa! $100,000 as an income requirement within the relationship sounds like a gold digger to me. I focus on a man’s spending habits. I will not be with a man who wastes his money because I am not a wasteful spender. I won’t spend more than $25 on a pair of jeans because I know my legs and ass will not look any different in a pair that cost $100. I like to watch my money stack up, not fall into the gutter. I will not exclude a man based on his education because earning a baccalaureate degree or post- baccalaureate degree does not translate into him having common sense and being responsible. I will exclude a man based on income to a certain extent. I’m driven, and can accomplish damn near any task once I set my mind on it. I don’t want to be the sole income earner in our relationship because I look better as Cat Woman than Superwoman. He also needs to be pulling in those money bags because laziness, and its annoying sister high maintenance, are not a part of my lifestyle. I grind…You grind…We grind.

  33. Whoa! $100,000 as an income requirement within the relationship sounds like a gold digger to me. I focus on a man’s spending habits. I will not be with a man who wastes his money because I am not a wasteful spender. I won’t spend more than $25 on a pair of jeans because I know my legs and ass will not look any different in a pair that cost $100. I like to watch my money stack up, not fall into the gutter. I will not exclude a man based on his education because earning a baccalaureate degree or post- baccalaureate degree does not translate into him having common sense and being responsible. I will exclude a man based on income to a certain extent. I’m driven, and can accomplish damn near any task once I set my mind on it. I don’t want to be the sole income earner in our relationship because I look better as Cat Woman than Superwoman. He also needs to be pulling in those money bags because laziness, and its annoying sister high maintenance, are not a part of my lifestyle. I grind…You grind…We grind.

  34. How are you hold a man to a higher standard than yourself?(if that's the case). That like a chick saying i dont date a man who doesnt have a car, B*tch you dont have one either lol. Picking mates for SUPERFICIAL REASONS has serious consequences, what look for in a woman are the things that never go out of style like air forces lol money is cool but not the most important thing…is that man going to be around if he gets you pregnant is better question,or is he goin to be a good father?…You should thinking about the future not the present, i am thinking about my kids and their kids,the foundation being set you can' posssibly just think about yourself.

    1. That's how some females roll. They'd rather date the thug riding around campus in the Caprice than the students walking across the Yard with them actually trying to make something of himself in life. They'd rather date the 'exciting' guy with the high-risk low-reward job and the 5 kids and the baby mama drama instead of the so-called 'boring' man with the stable job and looking to settle down with one decent woman.

      1. Sad but true fam well, I will just be a "boring" ass negro because that other sh*t is for the birds that' what some people call "fun"

  35. I have been on both sides of this fence. I have made over six figures for a large portion of my adult life and I also have been broker than a joke. While in both circumstances I would always say I have to marry someone when I'm poor so I know that she loves me for me. Marrying or getting with someone just for money is always a losing proposition because it is absolutely true that money does NOT buy love.

  36. I think the problem here is word usage. 100,000 like you said already eliminates a majority of african american men already if these women only african american men. These women I believe just want to feel SECURE and you really can't put a number on SECURITY. You will look for in your male counterpart to be able to handle his share of responsibilites in the household and/or relationship. If they really are putting a price tag on the IMO thats kid thinking not adult thinking.

  37. Bored at work so i'm poking around this site…. I think any person that dates someone based on their income is insane… just b/c someone MAKES 100k doesn't mean they have 100k to spend on you. True story… My friend has a very good career and easily brings home 90k yet everytime i turn around is asking me to borrow something…. The reason why is simple… He's to busy popping bottles at the club to show those type of chicks that he make 90k
    My recent post Charlotte Black Butterfly Single – Sonshine, Words & Ms. Channer

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