Babe, I hate to say this again but are you SURE you're not laying on the remote?

Website: http://www.WisdomIsMisery Twitter: @WisdomIsMisery

Women put a lot of emphasis on s*x. I’m not here to debate about who thinks about s*x more but I know for a fact that women think more about the intimacy of s*x WAAAY more. For example, I’ve never had a discussion with one of my homeboys about “making love” and if one attempted to have that discussion with me we would not be boys much longer.

This was demonstrated by two conversations I had with a couple friendgirls. In one, she was picking out some lingerie that she was going to wear that weekend. She was mentally planning all day and via BBM what she was going to wear. How she would present it to him and how he would be so appreciative. I believe she settled on a lingerie and trench coat ensemble, which for the record sounded very tasteful, delicious even. I digress. In her case, she claims, the man was very appreciative.

In my other friend’s case, she did pretty much the same thing. In this instance, it was New Years. She went out of her way to pick out some fancy lingerie. Again, she spent weeks daydreaming about how appreciative he would be and imagining the experience over and over again in her head. In her case, the man, in her opinion anyway, was not appreciative enough. She called me the day after New Years to vent. I could understand her frustration. I mean here she had spent time and money and daydreams invested in this man and he didn’t even acknowledge her sacrifices. Let me tell you why…

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I think about s*x, A LOT. But I have never sat around daydreaming about what I’m going to wear, the presentation, the cologne I’m going to put on, if my boxers match my socks, etc. etc. You know what I think about? The S*X! All that superfluous crap does not even begin to cross my mind. It is truly amazing to me how much time women can spend thinking about everything except the intercourse part of s*x.

In fairness, the difference between men and women is women usually know beforehand if they’re going to give it up. As a man, I’m always shocked. I’ve had women tell me “you’re never gonna get it” and they turn around and give it up easy. Then I’ve had women say “you’re gonna get it” and they are the hardest to give it up. I mean, WTF? When it comes to women the only thing I ever expect is the un-expected.

Every man on here has heard some variation of the phrase, “I don’t normally do this” stated by a woman they know for a fact not only normally does it but usually does it. So if a girl shows up to my crib decked out in a trench coat, lingerie, and knee high boots, I assume that’s how she rolls. I don’t feel special. I’m also not that into lingerie. One time an ex-girlfriend showed up in a scantily clad costume, whips, cuffs, chains and her lady parts hanging out every which way. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL!

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But I spent half our session trying to figure out the combination to all those snaps, bells and whistles. I shouldn’t have to break into The Bellagio with 10 of my criminal masterminded friends to get to your safety deposit box. For me, if you rock one of my dress shirts or a big t-shirt and no panties, I’m good to go.

Plus, I don’t consider chocha to be a gift. I might get a little more excited the first time we toot it and boot it (“knock boots” for the older readers) but other than that, we’re all adults so I’m thinking consummation is a given. I had a passionate debate with a crazy woman someone about this. Essentially, she thought that if she wrapped “it” up in pretty packaging it suddenly becomes a gift. Thus, this thing you’ve already given me 364 days out the year is suddenly a “gift” on my birthday and Christmas? Yeah, ummmm NO…

Ladies, do you always consider “it” a gift and thus it should be treated as such when you take extra time to put a bow on it or shave a unique design into it? Do you expect men to specifically acknowledge that you shaved, wore perfume or dressed up, etc? Isn’t the fact that we pounced on you like a panther in heat acknowledgment enough? Fellas, am I trippin?