Babe, I hate to say this again but are you SURE you're not laying on the remote?
Website: http://www.WisdomIsMisery Twitter: @WisdomIsMisery
Women put a lot of emphasis on s*x. I’m not here to debate about who thinks about s*x more but I know for a fact that women think more about the intimacy of s*x WAAAY more. For example, I’ve never had a discussion with one of my homeboys about “making love” and if one attempted to have that discussion with me we would not be boys much longer.
This was demonstrated by two conversations I had with a couple friendgirls. In one, she was picking out some lingerie that she was going to wear that weekend. She was mentally planning all day and via BBM what she was going to wear. How she would present it to him and how he would be so appreciative. I believe she settled on a lingerie and trench coat ensemble, which for the record sounded very tasteful, delicious even. I digress. In her case, she claims, the man was very appreciative.
In my other friend’s case, she did pretty much the same thing. In this instance, it was New Years. She went out of her way to pick out some fancy lingerie. Again, she spent weeks daydreaming about how appreciative he would be and imagining the experience over and over again in her head. In her case, the man, in her opinion anyway, was not appreciative enough. She called me the day after New Years to vent. I could understand her frustration. I mean here she had spent time and money and daydreams invested in this man and he didn’t even acknowledge her sacrifices. Let me tell you why…
MEN DON’T THINK ABOUT THAT S**T!
I think about s*x, A LOT. But I have never sat around daydreaming about what I’m going to wear, the presentation, the cologne I’m going to put on, if my boxers match my socks, etc. etc. You know what I think about? The S*X! All that superfluous crap does not even begin to cross my mind. It is truly amazing to me how much time women can spend thinking about everything except the intercourse part of s*x.
In fairness, the difference between men and women is women usually know beforehand if they’re going to give it up. As a man, I’m always shocked. I’ve had women tell me “you’re never gonna get it” and they turn around and give it up easy. Then I’ve had women say “you’re gonna get it” and they are the hardest to give it up. I mean, WTF? When it comes to women the only thing I ever expect is the un-expected.
Every man on here has heard some variation of the phrase, “I don’t normally do this” stated by a woman they know for a fact not only normally does it but usually does it. So if a girl shows up to my crib decked out in a trench coat, lingerie, and knee high boots, I assume that’s how she rolls. I don’t feel special. I’m also not that into lingerie. One time an ex-girlfriend showed up in a scantily clad costume, whips, cuffs, chains and her lady parts hanging out every which way. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL!
But I spent half our session trying to figure out the combination to all those snaps, bells and whistles. I shouldn’t have to break into The Bellagio with 10 of my criminal masterminded friends to get to your safety deposit box. For me, if you rock one of my dress shirts or a big t-shirt and no panties, I’m good to go.
Plus, I don’t consider chocha to be a gift. I might get a little more excited the first time we toot it and boot it (“knock boots” for the older readers) but other than that, we’re all adults so I’m thinking consummation is a given. I had a passionate debate with a crazy woman someone about this. Essentially, she thought that if she wrapped “it” up in pretty packaging it suddenly becomes a gift. Thus, this thing you’ve already given me 364 days out the year is suddenly a “gift” on my birthday and Christmas? Yeah, ummmm NO…
Ladies, do you always consider “it” a gift and thus it should be treated as such when you take extra time to put a bow on it or shave a unique design into it? Do you expect men to specifically acknowledge that you shaved, wore perfume or dressed up, etc? Isn’t the fact that we pounced on you like a panther in heat acknowledgment enough? Fellas, am I trippin?
Hmmm… Hmmmm…. Hmmmm…
Obviously because of all the intricacies of s*x… Women think about it more…
& we men go about s*x in a very simplistic way (maybe all of life too…) That can hurt women…
I maybe a man in the minority… I like the ceremony of sex & romance… so if a woman goes hard to enhance our bedroom experience… I will def. notice… Effort is always rewarded in my house…
Carry on
I had to double dip… because I lack sexual experience I do alot of research on how to make life sexually incredible for women…
(I got laughed at on the train, for reading about giving women continuous orgasms BY WOMEN, FML)
In addition to Dr. J's advice, I think MEN need to check out these websites…
http://www.masterful-lover.com/products.html http://www.sexgodmethod.com/
I am not getting paid for this… (FML again)
The #1 reason men suck in bed is ARROGANCE…
This is why being in high quality relationships are important to me… Because you can have this kind of special union, & turn up the romance… & deepen the union through creative, ritualistic s*x
"(I got laughed at on the train, for reading about giving women continuous orgasms BY WOMEN, FML)"
Then those women's men aren't doin' it right.
And it sounds to me like those ladies don't even know how they're continually shooting themselves in the foot.
*smh*
I couldn't tell you what anybody had on but I definitely remember the act!
Mane hold up! Did I actually get first!? LMAO!! But on the real ladies the best advice I can give you is in the form of two words: EASY ACCESS
-FIN
"Essentially, she thought that if she wrapped “it” up in pretty packaging it suddenly becomes a gift. Thus, this thing you’ve already given me 364 days out the year is suddenly a “gift” on my birthday and Christmas? Yeah, ummmm NO…"
haha that was hilarious.
Ya know I really thought about the fact that guys don't care that much about what you are wearing, but I do think if a woman smells nice and looks nice it makes her feel sexier and thus she will do a better job.
*I never really thought…
Just smell nice and look good naked and you'll be winning all night
Hi,I love speak to you,p sent to me your tel and your pic.
I would be ten types of pissed if a man gave me sex as a "present" so why would I do the same to him? Giving sex as a present is cheap…yea I said it.
So are you saying just wear nothing under the trench coat and keep the handcuffs simple? Oh, ok.
I've come across at least a few guys who just want to be extra spoiled in the bedroom on their special day. Most women wouldn't want sex as a gift, but there is a good number of men out there who don't mind…even if they would've gotten it anyway. A lot of them don't necessarily care for whatever they would've gotten otherwise.
I am definitely not opposed to birthday sex. However, I don't think it should be the main gift. Also, if you do something "special" on my birthday I'm going to start checking for it the rest of the year. I shouldn't have to wait for holidays and special occasions for you to bust out the good good.
Warning:
"Women can't go backwards in lifestyle. Men cannot go backwards sexually. CANT DO IT! Once we get the sex we like, that's how the f**k we roll. And if you aint f**kin like I'm f**kin, then get the f**k out" – Chris Rock
As far as I know, most women who go the extra mile don't start a relationship thinking about holding off on whatever it is until dude's birthday. It's usually either something they need to develop some level of comfort to do, or something they previously had some kind of aversion to. Or maybe just a new som'n som'n that's been on their mind as of late. If it goes well, it may not become something that's done with every tryst, but it's usually incorporated into regular bedroom gymnastics.
I don't think it should be the main gift, either.
Back in those days….sigh.
I don't consider it a gift, but I always went/go out of my way to be smooth, fresh & generally delectable. I used to plan playlists, outfits, etc. The outfits were appreciated, at least. I wouldn't wild out at VS, though…I'd just try to be creative with what I had in my closet. I liked giving little surprises here and there. To be honest with you, I always enjoyed the planning, anticipation & foreplay more than the act itself. Not to mention the post-coital cuddling. I don't require specific acknowledgment of anything, although it's definitely rewarding. The fact that he can't help himself but to..well, help himself.. is good enough for me.
I'd probably be a lot more boring these days.
Oh yes the s.ex playlist. I put alot of time into that. I have some good ones. Sometimes I like music and it has to be right.
The Playlist is an instrument of genius!!
I had the playlist thing going way before I started having chex. I just liked setting the mood (lol, didn't even matter that he isn't a big R&B fan). I was also very big on seduction, and I definitely put my hips to good use. There is no one I love dancing for or with more than a significant other.
"Plus, I don’t consider chocha to be a gift"
You haven't had the RIGHT chocha ( I love that you called it that btw) WIM. The right warm-wetness-glove-like chocha will have you feeling like EVERYday is Christmas morning and you are about to get a shiny new bike. #justsayin'
Between SBM and Max's blog tonight…iCan't. Be back in the morning….
*goes to Max's blog*
Lol @ this post!
Mainly because it reiterates the many differences between men & women.
Well, that and it was just plain hilarious.
The whole purpose of 'the ritual'….the smooth as silk skin, the lingerie, the 'accessories', the music…is to get 'the' reaction. Not just a reaction but 'the' reaction.
Now, if 'the' reaction renders him unable to DO anything BUT…. 'the do'…… well, then mission accomplished.
"For me, if you rock one of my dress shirts or a big t-shirt and no panties, I’m good to go."
Oh my, those are my husband’s sentiments too. Interesting.
I like to dress up and do other naughty things because I like to role-play, see his reaction, and hear him talk about it for a few days.
His pouncing on me is all I want, so yes that is acknowledgement enough for me. However, he always surprises me and shows me that he's paying attention by telling me he liked how I did so and so and how it made him feel.
Along with other things, a girl’s ego needs stroking too.
TGIF!
I'll place my co-sign here… minus the role-play, lol. Too shy for that…
And I'll add that I have come across men who like Adonis do appareciate (and have even planned) the whole romance thing. Now that you've put it this way #doe WIM I wonder if they planned it b/c they enjoyed it or they thought I would…
The things that make you go "hmmm…"
@ FLYY
I used to be the epitome of shyness before I married. Girl, the right one will make all that go away.
Also, I learned to stop taking myself so seriously. I laugh at myself sometimes thinking of the crazy stuff I have on my Effing Bucket List.
I like to wear my man's T-Shirt with nothing underneath….that's a good look for me.
"Along with other things, a girl’s ego needs stroking too."
Exactly!
"You have to compliment her in the act. Is that your vagina? … It's beautiful … May I?" – Dom Mazzetti
Wiz i'm gonna tell you something that I don't tell most people, I hope Eddie is reading. Jerry Rice used to spend hours before a game making sure everything about his uniform was perfect because he believed that proper preparation lead to proper performance. And he's the greatest football player who ever played. Listen to me…
-clean your crib… men don't understand how important a clean crib is to getting some poon.
-give her a nice drink when she comes in… helps to let her guard down, release her inhibitions, (Men only: reduces her ability to say, "We not having s*x)
-get you some Empirio Armani… this sh*t will change your life.
-get you some Gilroy… I don't know which brand you prefer, and I can't tell you which one I use, but this sh*t will change your life.
-always say something when a woman takes off her clothes, it's like throwing a gas can in the camp fire, say it, even if it isn't true….
"you're the sexiest girl i've ever seen"
"oh my, your va*ina is perfect"
"pinch me, not you, i'm talking to God, but I like what you're thinking"
"give me a moment, I want to write this down, need to remember how I got here"
[Use the word "love" A LOT, just don't direct it at her, she won't know the difference]
"OMG, I love … this."
"OMG, I love … thongs."
"OMG, I love … pink."
"OMG, I love the way you are…"
[Push the limit, women love risk]
"wait a second, I wanna take a picture, my boys are never going to believe how hot you are."
That last one may not work unless she's drunk though broski.
PS – Dr. J puts on lotion, a lot of people don't put on lotion, but put some lotion on.
LOL! I laughed my way through this but I could so see it working. My faves in no particular order:
clean your crib…
“give me a moment, I want to write this down, need to remember how I got here”
“wait a second, I wanna take a picture, my boys are never going to believe how hot you are.”
Oh… and KUDOS on the lotion part. Men… Nivea, St. Ives or Jergens never hurt nobody!! Lol.
Oh… and KUDOS on the lotion part. Men… Nivea, St. Ives or Jergens never hurt nobody!! Lol
*lol*
Cocoa Butter works great too.
I like how you think Dr. J! lol
The only thing I can do right now is stamp this with My Seal Of Approval…
Oh and that lotion your body thang… Yes. Please And Thank You!!!
Question: What is Gilroy??
LMAO!!!! This is truth.com…all of it. And fresh sheets/pillows. Clean house, smell good and give her a drink. Great points.
Btw, your panties have shipped. Due to your fastey (patois for rude) comment yesterday, instead of shipping my own with an autographed picture of me…I've decided to ship my 300lb stripper friend Butha's panties with an autographed picture of her Blue Waffles disease.
Let that be a lesson to you. Good day.
Dr. J you made several great points! I like how you explained the proper way to use the word love without tripping up and saying "I love you", I frimly believe one should not tell a person they love them unless they really do but I digress…
And you could not be more right about wearing a good smelling cologne! Fahrenheit will make any man smell down right delicious! So delicious in fact I've been known to embrace random men lol
Nah…..cologne smells different on everyman. Das why you gotta find the cologne that works for you.
Also please remember there are different colognes for different times of the year, times of the day and events. Can't have one cologne for all occasions.
You're a good friend, sir. Thing is, back in the day -before Soulja Boy bastardized the term – I was a pretty boy. I was checking for a lot of the things you named long before it was popular and dudes stayed clowning me for it just because I felt like I was well put together. Despite that, I did fine with the women and that's really all that mattered to me. I guess I'm no longer a boy so that term no longer applies but you know past dictates future, etc. etc.
Here's my thing. As you know, I'm already superficial. I was talking to a woman about this the other day. I'll try to keep the conversation more PG here but if I'm already dealing with a fine woman, that's really all I need. For me, there is nothing better than seducing a fine woman – defined however you want – or having a fine woman seduce me. All the extras is nice but completely unneeded.
When she's submitted, arch backed, eyes rolled or on her knees fam? Or she says some variation of "you can do whatever you want, however you want" ………….. As far as WIM is concerned that's a check mate every time.
I guess I'm simple.
I mean just because someone throws on a costume doesn't make them a superhero. I like a woman to bring more to the table. Thus a costume, while welcomed, is not needed. As far as I'm concerned she can serve it de bleu. *exits stage right*
Well my ex was obsessed with her underwear. She always wore silk Victoria Secret ish and it always matched. She had a perfect body and always looked good with her clothes off.
I got spoiled from that so I always expect a girl to be on point when the clothes come off. It's defintely a turn on.
I also learned from her to do the same. My underwear game is on point at all times.
@Dr. J……good points….but never give up your cologne secrets. And yes! The power of a clean place. But it has to be more than clean. It has to be laid out nice. Not interior decorated. But just nice. Bammas don't understand if your place is nice women don't want to leave. They want to kick their shoes off and get comfortable. If your place is dirty women feel like you disrespected them.
And for God's sake get a bed frame ROFL Never understood that whole crack head bead on the floor look. ROFL
iDtGN,MofRoA: "Well my ex was obsessed with her underwear. She always wore silk Victoria Secret ish and it always matched."
I remember one a girl approached me with a blue bra and black panties. I went soft for a minute. I usually don't care much about presentation, but ladies, at least make sure your bra and panties match! Don't come at me like you didn't do laundry in three weeks!
I guess that also shows how much I care about presentation. I am, umm, one of the more experienced commenters here (WIM making me feel all old with his "toot it and boot it" = “knock boots” reference), and I can only immediately recall three outfits. One was an ex's peach Victoria Secret's ensemble, one was a girl who used to love to wear a lingerie with like 18" high heels (gotta love short girls!), and the other was this chick hopping in the bed with mismatch sh!t on like Punky Brewster.
ROFL…..yeah it's like b@tch are you 10 years old? Get some adult underwear. LOL
This comment made me giggle.
Hugh Jazz: and the other was this chick hopping in the bed with mismatch sh!t on like Punky Brewster
iDied.
Ha. I put the toot and boot reference vs. knockin boots because I'm a man of the people. I have to cater to all audiences!
BUT, I've seen this conversation before regarding matching bra and panties and it seems 50/50. Personally I could care less if a girls panties and bra match. I honestly wouldnt be able to tell you my experience with that because I havent paid attention. If it wasnt for Twitter (and now the blogs) I wouldnt even know there were men out there that do. Live and learn…
What can I say? My freak number is about a ten! I don't need lingerie…lol.
Good post!
I don't really care about lingerie at all. I mean, it's nice. It doesn't make me any more likely to wanna get in there and do work than the naked body itself or sweats with no draws on.
As for some of the other specifics, I do notice the presentation of the coot. I also notice scents (not just coot) and softness of thy skin. Yeah, those things bring me joy…tremendous amounts of joy.
Exactly. It's not that I'm opposed to lingerie and I actually dont think VS is that over the top. Although I find it weird that mostly men are talking about VS up above because I believe that's what they associate with lingerie. It's my understanding a lot of women dont shop at VS cuz it's overpriced and uncomfortable.
What I was referring to are those outfits that clip, snap and dead bolt together. They look good but like most men, I'm not versed in this crap. The (back clip) bra is already the equivalent of Ft. Knox, now we're adding in clips on your thighs and legs too? *throws hands up* I'm trying to have sex not solve the Divinci Code!
As Hugh and il Duce were discussing above, I do like scents and women in heels. I didn't feel the need to bring that up because that comes naturally to most women. Women are always scented up. At least the women I deal with. If yall are dealing with regular smelling women………… *blank stare*
lmao @ regular smelling women!
"Naw girl, you smell regular I can't mess with you"
… said no man ever, I'm thinking. There is so much smack being talked up in here I'm hoping some of the menz have been awarded some Olympic gold for what they're bringing in the bedroom. Interesting how nobody ever takes that poll.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm … "site for men" and all that. Yeah, yeah, we know, we know. But if the post is how *women* feel about it … maybe in the title where WIM is all "I th*nk" — if more menz were better at the craft, well, then, he'd *know*, wouldn't he?
/Kimye shrug
@WisdomIsMisery:
I am indeed one of those women who don’t shop (regularly) at Victoria Secret. Their lingerie and bras are definitely overpriced and uncomfortable. I can work with their panties and thongs, but everything else is a no go for me. My romance of intimate apparel lies with Calvin Klein.
I just wanna say I guffawed at the Bellagio reference. I had to ex out the site and go get a cup of coffee.lol. Hilarious. Good post sir.
HA! Good post. I swear I thought I was an alien because I never cared about lingerie in comparison to my girlfriends. I have a few costumes (don't judge me) but that's about it. I care about thongs. I swear I have at least a hundred pair in all types of fancy levels. Boobs out and a pretty thong is the way to go for me.
Not all women think about intimacy over s.ex. I never think about romance. I daydream about s.ex all day er' day. Because I'm <del>crazy</del> creative, I get graphic. This helps my day go along easier and keeps me from killin folk. lol no really…
Punny is a gift. Think about how you feel when you're inside her then ask yourself if anything feels better than that. As far as shaving etc, my primping process is more for me so it's nothing special. I'm not into seduction. My way of telling the man I want it is by pouncing on him or laying back with my legs wide. I don't have time for all those distractions. I'm more about the performance lol.
Co-sign!
About costumes: I just got a High Definition TV not too long ago…..and I swear I never noticed that in that movie Obsessed the white girl is wearing a maid outfit when she opened her trench coat in the car with Idris Elba. Ish had me laughin like WTF. Now I see why he was like get out of the car. Crazy b@tch I don't even know you and you got the maid outfit on.
Interesting post. I especially like the stuff you crossed out! I wonder why the * in sex, though?? Can you not say sex on the internet, lol…
I was TRYING to keep things PG……….I guess that was an act in futility.
<– Overthinker, yup. Guilty.
And "acknowledging" new outfits, hairdos whatever can be as simple as his eyes getting all bugged out/filled with lust or some related dirty talk during the act. I certainly don't need a hand written thank you card, but a "d@mn baby O_O bring that @ss over here…" or mid-coitus "you thought you was doing something coming over here dressed in that, didn't you? Having me kicking my boys out…what now? Who's is this now? I run things. Flip over." is much appreciated. 🙂
Read the comments… very interesting! Some guys do not care what the woman wears… Some guys do.
Imma put it like this… Imagine I make meat and potatoes for dinner on most nights. One day I decide to suprise you with a little extra. I go all out and its a 4 course meal. You know I planned for this. However when we sit down to eat you think to yourself well I would have been ok with just meat and potatoes. How hard is it to act like you are excited? lol! I'm sure it will take less effort than it took me to prepare this dinner for you.
All I'm saying is show a little appreciation.
Yeah this is where I part ways with other women. I don't care about lingerie and new hairdos and powder on the sheets and soft lighting and all that. I don't do costumes or staging. And I don't believe in occasion-based bestowing of sexual favours.
If I'm trying to blow a man's mind in the bedroom I make sure I am a) limber and b) hairless. That's all you really need.
YUP!
See my thing is. Your bra and panties are the last thing I see before injection. So what is the purpose of wearing a nice dress, nice shoes hair done and all that if your panties and bra are not on point. Don't wear Versace jeans and Hanes panties. You need to be consistent. If everything else is a 10….your bra and panties need to be a 10.
Like I said. This is one of those things that most dudes wouldn't care about….unless they have been spoiled by another women that did those things. Now in his eyes (my eyes) you fallin short of my last girl in that one category.
It's not a deal breaker. But its a nice touch if you do it.
My biggest thing is hygenic presentation. If you have knowledge that we're gonna have the chex, please shave the legs and nether regions.
I had former lovers who beat into my head the idea that mismatched bra and panties is a fail. Im conditioned now. Sorry.
Lingerie is cool too. I don't think its a necessity for me, but it's bonus points.
I always say that sometimes, you want to fcuk and not be on no lovey dovey tip. There needs to be both chex AND fckin between people for balance and pleasure /futurepost
I don't really do lingerie, but I do have 3 garter belts, garters and thigh highs. Trust me, homie liked it when I slid the thong off, but kept the garter and stockings on. Just sayin…
I do love panties, and I buy panties and bras every time I get paid. I have more panties than bras, but when I'm planning to give the gift of life (LMAO), I always make sure I'm in a matching lace set. Always lace for that first time. And, I stay shaved and waxed, whether I'm getting sex or not. I appreciate signs of appreciation, but I don't need him to tell me. i think the wood is a good enough sign. #shrug
Oh yes. The garter belt and stockings with no panties is a win.
I feel you! I dont really do lingerie either… but I keep at least one good stripper outfit. lol!
You know what, this weekend I'm gonna tie a bow around my d*ck. When I see ol' girl, I'm gonna pull it out and say "surprise!!" LMAO
That better be one expensive a$$ bow, because bras, panties, and lingerie can get a little pricey. lol.
<—-Taking notes on all of this stuff. Whenever I get around women that actually like decent men again, this will certainly come in handy.
This is hilarious. I daydream about sex all day when I know I have picked a guy to give it to but he just doesn't know it yet. I fret about my mani, my pedi, shaving, my hair being done, should I wrap my hair or not, what will I say, what music to play, is the candle too much? OMG LOL. I don't bother with all the lingerie but this post definitely gave me a chuckle since I ALWAYS experience this practically every damn day… counting down the hours till my next victim.
I love lingerie and i'm the kind of girl who plans what to wear and how to look (at least for the first few times). One rule i stick to tho is to always wear a matching set..well i got too many so i have to put them to use
Co-sign Dr J's comment…especially a clean crib…..don't want to see old condom wrappers sticking out from odd places (true story….)
P.s what's a gilroy?
The main thing is to be a lady and a real man knows when he has a real lady, he can and should respect because she is on to keep and worth meeting the family. The sex is worth the wait when you are dealinf with a real lady. Nothing else really matters, the music, the clothing nothing. Only the men understand and know what I am saying. Steve Harvey advice for men….
Umm…I never really thought of lingerie as the "wrapping". I like for my bra and panties to match because it turns ME on. I've never thought of sex as a good "gift"…it's an everyday thing when ur in a relationship. However spontaneity is a gift that keeps on giving…sex in IKEA while we search for home decor? #winning haha Oral sex at High Museum before we visit the Anne Leibovitz exhibit? <—- too much? Lol
When in a relationship, you can call me a sex addict. But only in a relationship. Never really been big on lingerie for the mere fact, I don't have time for it. My hygeine is a set routine on a day to day basis, so when it comes down to the get down. I'm always ready: shavened, clean, smell good… I was raised that way. I went through that phase thinking that the "coont" was a gift, however I came to realize very quickly that there are million more of these things out here just like mine and neither one is built like a cracker jack box with a gift on the inside. Needless to say, I do feel that how a man perceives you in the beginning or throughout the relationship, plays a huge part on how he appreciates the little extras a woman tends to put into a night of great friction.
Honestly, if you really pay attention, there is not a way to make sex pretty, to dress it up, bling it out or anything for that matter. It's the messiest playground 2 grown ups could share. All the love faces, sweat, noises LOL!! I love it tho!!!