Home Featured 3 Things About Groupies, Fans, and the Thirsty

3 Things About Groupies, Fans, and the Thirsty

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Even when they don't know that they are.

I was reading the post that my e-cousin, Panama Jackson, wrote for VSB last week on the similarities between the rap and blog hustles. If you haven’t read the post, you should take a look. A reader suggested in the comments that one of the perks of being a male blogger is one that’s also enjoyed by musicians. I sprinted to the WordPress admin panel to jot down the perk so I could do what I’ve done here. What’s that perk you ask?

Groupies.

I’m not gonna sit here and deny that there aren’t women that would sleep with me simply because I write for a popular blog, articulate my thoughts well, and don’t cause their eyes to bleed when they see me in 2 or 3D. That would be nonsensical bootychatter. At the same time, there are plenty of women that just appreciate all the intricacies and efforts that go into regularly providing one’s thoughts to the world to read. Once you put yourself out there publicly, you open yourself up to the good, the bad, and the ugly. That really does take a certain type of person; especially when they decide to attach a real life picture that makes them identifiable in public. It’s not hard to see why someone would find that intriguing, fascinating, or well…bawse. The same can be said for someone that has the ability to sling together rhymes, distribute their songs, and perform in front of crowds while knowing that a lot of the people there may not like what they have to say.

One of the trickier things to do nowadays is decipher between who’s a fan, who’s a groupie, and who’s just plain thirsty. I had probably 10 different conversations with men and women before I wrote this post. As a matter of fact, I wrote 3 different versions before I settled on this one. So here’s what I’m thinking:

See Also:  Don't Call Me Sexy! A Discussion On How Men Should Express Affection To Women

Groupies have evolved.

I’ve had to reevaluate how I define a groupie. I used to think that it was a woman that probably graduated high school, worked in menial gigs, and was looking for a story to tell her girls; or, get brought into the fold so that they could live the lavish life with the stars. As I’ve found out over the years, that isn’t always the case. Groupies have become sophisticated. They have college degrees from top universities. They have high paying specialized day jobs. They’re devout in their faith and see nothing wrong with fighting their way into potential facebook pics or hotel rooms on Saturday night and then clapping their hands on Sunday morning. Groupies still do the same sh*t, but now they just have better resumes. Some of us men will even end up marrying them.

I’ve also discovered that their are different types of groupies. There are the ones that demonstrate the more traditional behavior of course. There are also ones that are a bit more strategic. For instance, there are women that get in with the stars before they become stars and position themselves as friends. When people try to tell the rapper or blogger that the chick(s) is a groupie, the dude(s) will often respond with “that’s just my homegirl(s).” Little does he know that they have an agenda of their own that doesn’t necessarily include getting pregnant or just being in pictures. They may be trying to get access to the dude’s network so that they can leverage it professionally or socially.

See Also:  Friend: A 4 letter word

The line between fan and groupie has gotten really thin.

A fan is someone that likes and supports an artist. They read their posts, buy their music, tell others about the “product,” and maybe even take Twitter avatars and turn them into posters at Kinkos. They click the like button for their Facebook pages and may be interested in following their lives on other social media outlets. I see nothing wrong with that. There’s a reason I follow both halves of Sister Sister even though one of them is on a show that I find quite shitty.

The problem is that some folks go above and beyond the normal fan characteristics. They get emotionally attached to these people online and/or in real life. They might make it a point to be at every possible event the person or group is at and they’ll fight their way to the front to see them and in many cases do whatever the person(s) wants. They’ll hop on planes and take time off from work to go see someone who is often more self-important than anything else. Some will even offer their services, not necessarily but possibly sexual, in exchange for just having the chance to be around. Others just want to feel like they’re a part of something.

I’ve definitely done my fair share of defending readers to people that aren’t active online who deem any women that reaches out to be a groupie. And honestly, I’ve found myself more confused at the end of my explanation than when I started for some folks. I’m actually getting a headache thinking about it. Moving on…

Thirst is the new taboo.

See Also:  5 Reasons Men Should Go Out Alone

If I had a dollar for every time a chick said she was cautious about approaching me because she didn’t wanna appear thirsty, I’d have enough money to pay half my phone bill (Verizon ain’t cheap no matter what) for one month. That may not sound like a lot, but it is when you put it in perspective. If it becomes obvious that a chick likes a male blogger or is a blatant stan, it’s likely that some eyes of the XY will be looking on and designating her a thirst bucket. I attribute it to one of 4 things:

  • The thirst labeler is just throwing out some innate shade.
  • The thirst labeler actually likes the person too and feels some type of way about the “competition.”
  • The thirst labeler is encountering some inner turmoil that they can’t resolve otherwise.
  • The chick in question really does need a gatorade or IV.

Whatever the case and whatever you see yourself as, embrace it or change it. Do what makes you happy and healthy…except be thirsty. Oh yeah, don’t get arrested or caught on camera “backstage” in a bathroom stall eye level with the toilet paper. It’s really not a good look for anybody other than the dude looking down.

What do yall think on this groupie vs. fan vs. thirsty debate?

Yo, lock the door,

P.S. – The good folks at SBM are starting a NCAA bracket! Its free to join, so let’s have a little competitive fun. Open to anyone to join. check it out here => SBM Bracketology 2011!

P.S.S. Late addition, but someone sent this to me on Facebook and figured I’d just drop it in this here post.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1KpivsHktk

Comment(103)

  1. I was right about to say I'm a groupie…then I actually read the post. The classifications seem pretty accurate to me. I guess I'm just a fan (and a relatively new one at that).

  2. ..So I'm not the only one who wasn't particularly excited about new episodes of The Game, least of all because of the useless FB newsfeeds at every second? Good to know.

    I think the word "groupie," much like the word "hater," has been overly abused. There are a lot of women who wouldn't do half of the things used as examples and who would still get labelled. And then there are those who really do need to get a life; this can apply to either labeler or label-ee, depending on the situation. Don't really have much to say beyond that.

    As for me, I enjoy developing relationships with people I interact with online. I've hung out with individuals and groups I've met on discussion boards and elsewhere, and it's usually people that I wouldn't have otherwise come across because they live across the border or beyond. I met one of my best friends that way, though we ended up in the same school. As far as bloggers specifically are concerned, there are a few that I think would make for cool acquaintances if not friends, but I'm just in reader/commenter mode for now. Sometimes, I'm more interested in fellow commenters than the bloggers themselves.

      1. It really is. In some instances, it's a case of people being way too close-minded. But sometimes it's amusing/interesting to observe people who stay co-signing the designated "cool kids" and run up and down trying to get their attention. When I was younger, I was on some boards frequented mostly by teens, and because I was one of the no-nonsense people, I had a good number of eager-to-pleasers (if I may coin the term). The funny thing about that is when some of the ones who are usually running up and down playing hard find themselves now playing the role of "groupie". It happens with all age groups, I've found.

    1. I agree. The labels are everywhere. Groupies, thirsty, etc. To me, it's all a form of hate in some fashion. People worry themselves too much with what others are doing. On a side note, I "bond" more with other commenters. I like the sharing of ideas on topics, etc. I have deeper convos on blogs than I do with many real life friends.

  3. "there are women that get in with the stars before they become stars and position themselves as friends."

    this is right here is some Sun Tzu "Art of War" type ish. It seems like it could be kind of scary for a blogger these days because you always have to wonder what people's motives are whenever they approach you. Me, I'm just a fan of great writing. I don't even think about my favorite bloggers' personal lives beyond their words. I may occasionally think "wow, they must live a fab life" but then their emotions are so raw in their writing about certain things that I realize their just as human. but these groupies have a deep obsession, not with the person, but the persona-one that isn't even real but an illusion in their minds of who the blogger is. That screams bats*** crazy to me. I think I love the stories being told or the conversations that come out of what the writers blog than being buddy buddy with them. Some bloggers you just connect with them because of the genuineness of their words and wish you knew them personally so you could kick it and have stimulating convo's all the time. but that's about it for me.

    1. " Some bloggers you just connect with them because of the genuineness of their words and wish you knew them personally so you could kick it and have stimulating convo’s all the time. but that’s about it for me."

      I'm going to co-sign this statement.

    1. It makes sense when you think about it. "Groupies" (I'll use this term here..sounds better than "Thirsties") are essentially attracted to anyone (or thing) with a decent level of popularity. Women who fall under that category and who've been involved with the more popular bloggers definitely get a kick out of name-dropping, and occasionally make life miserable for the bloggers in question.

    2. Glad to see I'm not the only one who is shocked. A blogger? Although, I suspect this has more to do with the perception of the blogger and is less rooted in reality. 🙂

  4. I'm still relatively new to reading and commenting on blogs. But there have been times that I wanted to reach out to certain bloggers to thank them for their writing and articulating their thoughts and stopped myself because I didn't want to be labeled any of the above listed names.

    It's very difficult and a thin line to walk because you feel like you have a connection with someone based on the way you guys think about certain topics but don't want to share because you don't want to be labeled. So for me I just say my silent AMEN! and keeps it moving.

    I'm also happy that I'm not the only one that thinks The Game suck (I have been watching since it was on CW) and can we plz plz plz have a funeral for the word 'HATER' (I'm starting to hear pastors use this word)

    1. Let me partially cosign here before I pass out for the night and give people a welcome break. I'm actually strategic with some of my relationships. Let me take SBM for example, and suppose I wanted to befriend one or all of the authors. I probably wouldn't have attempted to do so within the first couple of days or weeks of my readership, because if there's one thing I hate, it's people getting the idea that I have them on a pedestal. I give people some time to get a feel for my character based on the things I say and the arguments I present, and only when I feel as though they'd be silly for harbouring the thought that I'm a groupie would I reach out. Then again, I don't think I've done much of the reaching out in any of my friendships. lol, I guess usually either someone hollers or I just keep doing what I'm doing.

    2. As far as compliments are concerned, what do you think men go through when they sincerely want to give a woman compliment & keep it moving…

      I've learned in life that when I want to do something, I do it in spite of what random thought that goes into a humans mind while they catch me doing it…

      I know it takes ALOT of work, but it is really FREEing when you TRULY do not care what the next person thinks…

      1. "I know it takes ALOT of work, but it is really FREEing when you TRULY do not care what the next person thinks…"

        Adonis,

        I can agree with THIS!

      2. "I know it takes ALOT of work, but it is really FREEing when you TRULY do not care what the next person thinks…"

        I like this too! Therefore I will not let anyone shame me out of being a fan or groupie. Maybe I do want to have that story to tell later in life. lol!

  5. interestin'…i never see the thirsty females…then again, i'm quite naive and out the loop…lol

    i wonder if there are more female stans for male bloggers, than it is the other way around…

    (i'm thinking it's way more of the former, i could be wrong…but i doubt it)

    1. There are female stans for male bloggers, and female stans for female bloggers, but <del>much to my dismay</del> it seems there are no male stans for female bloggers.

    2. I think it goes both ways. It seems like there are more female stans to male bloggers because we can see them while men do the hollering behind the scenes. If I had a dollar for every man that DM'd me on twitter trying to get the panties. I could pay my cell bill for 2 months. lol…even male commenters who argue with me in the open then try to holla on the sly. It's definitely funny though. Men trying to hook up in 140 characters or less makes for a hilarious read. 🙂

      1. Actually, ya know what… this is true. I think men are a bit more prideful with their e-hollerin' (which, funny, they ain't like this in real life lmao) so won't do it in public. Doesn't mean they ain't doing it. lol

    3. Hey Spider Man, it's good to see you outside of ABIB. and "Hey There" to the ladies VSB ladies (SFG, and Cheekie)!

  6. i like this post. i learned something. lol.

    i've never even thought about the whole getting cool with stars before they're stars. that's how all the basketball wives came into existence, i believe. lol. muy interesante.

    nonsensical bootychatter though. lmbo. okay.

    i think the sole difference between a groupie and a fan nowadays is simply sexual context. because bloggers are accessible and pretty much have to be to build and keep a fan base, almost everyone interacts with them on some level. if you're sending naked pics or having explicit convos or sleeping with one or all, i think that's what defines the line between an interactive fan and an interactive groupie.

    i also think groupies have evolved because we've all been socialized now to be a "big deal" in our own rights. women in every field today find it more acceptable and encouraged to be what some would call "glamorous" and diva in their lifestyle, and men who have popularity are (usually) attracted to glamorous women. a man can find a woman with "video girl" looks and attitude in pretty much any career field now, so they no longer have to be limited to the chicks who never finished HS and are trying to trap a man with a baby. lol. when i was growing up there used to be a big distinction between how a groupie (women who could pull a famous, semi-famous, or popular dude) looked and how a regular woman looked. now, not so much. everybody is fancy. lol

    good post, Slimuel.

    1. Interactive fan and interactive groupie are good descriptors for what goes on in these e-streets.

      I'm mad I don't have a gallery of meow and mammary meat though. I guess now I'll know when I officially made it.lol

      1. slim, dude I'm sure there's some female out there that's trying to throw their e-granny panties at you on your blog. lol

  7. I can't say I learned anything in this post that I didn't already know. The concept of "thirst" came along after I joined the e-life. I can't say I understand it neither here or in the real world simply because I don't see a direct need for it in this Southern town.

    At any rate, I applaud the male bloggers because I know their inboxes must fill up at certain times (especially when their avis started showing real faces).

    That said, I think the popularity of blogs combined with other social media also make this an interesting discussion. If we all had to go through the trouble of sending an email instead of just a DM or liking a page, I think the level of thirst vs groupie vs fan would definitely change.

    For illustrative purposes, think of what it would be like if your thirsty ones used that Verizon phone number…. Scary, huh?

      1. Thanks Slim.

        I bet you would. I saw a popular tweeter put their number out there and I laughed so hard. I don't think I've seen it against since that day!

        Have a great week!

  8. LOL. This post is interesting.

    “The line between fan and groupie has gotten really thin.”

    Has it really? I think the growth of reality TV shows and new media have made it easier to see the distinction.

    A groupie is a woman or man who displays no standards while in the presents of a celebrity/person of fame/person of power. Groupies fuck to get a taste of fame. The average woman will not go on a sexual escapade with a janitor because he’s a janitor. But if that janitor were to kick his occupation in the area of Oscar winning films, women would be all over him simply due to his status as a celebrity.

    Fans are women and men who are appreciative of someone’s work, character, ideas and lifestyle. I am a fan of Kanye and Eminem because they’re comfortable with who they are and could care less about the approval of others. I appreciate their creativity, personality and their grind to be the best because I see parts of myself in them. I have a desire to gravitate towards their career because I can relate to them, but I have no desire to fuck them because their famous entertainers.

    Thirsty is a word that needs to be abolished along with hater, bitch and diva. These words have two dozen definitions, which defeats the purpose of using the word. I don’t really hear men use “thirsty” to the degree that women do. I’ve noticed the women who do use it are bitter and lacking from VITAMIN Dick. No need to call someone thirsty if you’re minding your own business and keeping your life at a level where you want it to be. It’s sad that compliments and expressions of admiration/liking have turned into a negative connotation known as thirsty.

    Forgive me for using all that profanity.

    I’m a lady for the most part, but every now and then my alter-ego transforms into the female version of Kanye and Eminem, with sprinkles of Ms. Alicia Moore aka PINK!

    1. Hater needs to die. Somebody pull the plug on that word. Shout out to Star and Buckwild who back in 98 realized that the word was getting played out.

      People need haters. Sometimes I think black people didn't get enough hate growing up.

      1. Your gonna get hate, because MOST human beings can't STAND it when another human being is doing better than them…

        And instead of doing the work it took to get to success, they will attribute your success to LUCK (Preparation Meeting Opportunity)

    2. "A groupie is a woman or man who displays no standards while in the presents of a celebrity/person of fame/person of power. Groupies fuck to get a taste of fame. The average woman will not go on a sexual escapade with a janitor because he’s a janitor. But if that janitor were to kick his occupation in the area of Oscar winning films, women would be all over him simply due to his status as a celebrity.

      Fans are women and men who are appreciative of someone’s work, character, ideas and lifestyle. I am a fan of Kanye and Eminem because they’re comfortable with who they are and could care less about the approval of others. I appreciate their creativity, personality and their grind to be the best because I see parts of myself in them. I have a desire to gravitate towards their career because I can relate to them, but I have no desire to fuck them because their famous entertainers."

      Pretty clear to me.

    3. "I’ve noticed the women who do use it are bitter and lacking from VITAMIN D*ck."

      Ooooh honey, shout it louder for the women in the nose bleeds! I think groupies are funny but do I care? No. Some women really need to stop with the hate. I don't hear the men complaining. lol

      As far as the whole blogger/rapper comparison, I think rap groupies are trying to get fame, money and status. I think blog groupies are looking for relationships. To be honest, writers aren't known for being wealthy…at least not in the beginning. As far as status goes, how popular does one have to be considered famous? I'm not sure if I would consider most bloggers "famous" so I think it's more of an emotional connection than fame. I could be wrong though.

  9. I never really thought about or cared about the distinction…

    I am an admirer of people who use great strategy to get what the want (Bless the successful groupie)

    And isn't fan SHORT for FANATIC… I guess you defined FAN in its CONNOTATION…

    I heart sophisticated groupies…

  10. When I first saw the title of this post I thought IS THIS FOOL REALLY GOING TO REVEAL HIS SECRETS AND NAME NAMES?!

    Bloggers are having a good year gushy-wise I wouldn't want to see it end in March b/c ish could get ugly of you let the cat out of the bag.

    But no one should be getting all righteous on this post b/c the thin line between fan and groupie applies to males. I don't know how many times I have seen a comment on these blog and I had to run to my BBM and ask "Did this Fool just sell out his manhood for a chance for an email address with a girl that he hasn't even seen before other than an avatar picture?

    #shotsfired.

    And there can be same chex groupies of the non Lance Bass variation. They are more commonly called Stans, after the great Eminem narrative. The strongest case of Standom known on the Internets were G-Unit groupies from 50 Cent is the future until Curtis (after 50 took that loss to Kanye they stopped for the most part). If you said anything critical about 50 in that time frame G-unit nation would be in your thread making all types of death threats. You know you are in a G-unit Nation party when the DJ plays a random song from a Whoo Kid mixtape and some one knows the words to Tony Yayo's verse.

    As someone who is backstage all the time, I can tell you that it gets ugly and its actually kinda pathetic sometimes on the dudes part to see how some of these guys acts. So many times the rapper and his entourage will be more thirsty than the groupie who really just wanted to take a damn picture. I won't throw any names out there… but one dude that actually is classy and respectful to EVERYONE just put an album out…… go buy Lasers and feel good about the artist you support.

    1. I don’t know how many times I have seen a comment on these blog and I had to run to my BBM and ask “Did this Fool just sell out his manhood for a chance for an email address with a girl that he hasn’t even seen before other than an avatar picture?

      THIS!! e-Thirstiness is such a bad look for a dude. I guess they think it doesn't matter b/c no one knows who they really are. Maybe they don't realize they're showing signs of thirst?

      However, there is no coming back from this, for either gender, you will be forever pegged as the thirsty dude.

    2. I was wondering what people thought about male groupies. I haven't encountered that and maybe I just haven't noticed it in the comments. Wait, you said thirsty dudes? Nevermind. I know exactly what you're talking about.

    3. "But no one should be getting all righteous on this post b/c the thin line between fan and groupie applies to males. I don’t know how many times I have seen a comment on these blog and I had to run to my BBM and ask “Did this Fool just sell out his manhood for a chance for an email address with a girl that he hasn’t even seen before other than an avatar picture?"

      lol! This made me laugh…

      But seriously… people are really trying to hook up over words typed on a computer screen??? I mean… I love the blogs I frequent, and I love the conversations that we have. I have been really impressed by the way that some bloggers think and I guess its possible that some people are able to build connections that may transfer over into real life.

      However, pretty much everybody here is just meeting everybody's e-representative.

      Uh… its just not that deep to me…lol. I just appreciate the convos for what they are and then carry on in my real life…

      1. "Uh… its just not that deep to me…lol. I just appreciate the convos for what they are and then carry on in my real life…"

        Co-sign!

      1. You can't be a fan of me b/c I am way to big of a fan of you. You have know idea how cool I think you are…..

        and yes I am willing to do chexual favors for you based off of your good opinion on hip hop.

    4. I've missed you in the e-streets Cheekz. Work keeps me from commenting like I want to but I have noticed you aren't around as much. Good job on breaking it down, now I don't have to…LOL.

    5. LOL @ Cheekz. Now THAT's what I am thinking. Women groupies are a problem for some? Cause I could have sworn that male groupies are the real problem. Women are just women and it's harmless but some over zealous men can be a real problem. I'm not firing any shots but male stans can be aggressive then flat out obnoxious when not acknowledged. I'm not naming names but I've had certain male commenters ask me why I'm talking to this commenter more than that commenter, etc. Last I checked, I'm not dating anybody online yet these men try to check me as if I'm their women. It gets outta hand sometimes. Yeah, the DM situation on twitter is a problem. Like I said upthread, if I had a dollar for every man that tried to get the panties behind the scenes. Some of the things said aren't even funny and are actually quiet scary.

        1. It's bad….just thank God you're a man. lol Your groupies are little kittens compared to the passive aggressive nature of some male commenters who can't take no for an answer.

          Even on this here blog…

          shots.fired

      1. i'm so glad you're addressing this. i wish i had mentioned it. twitter is out of control when it comes to men and DMs. i just don't reply. lol. because usually i don't recognize the name. and then i see them comment on a blog and i'm like ohhhh. why was he talking like he knew me?

        it is scary sometimes. lol

        1. Ha!! You ignore and then you get the "what you too good to answer me?" message. And thinking they know you?? Gurrrlll. I know I overshare. I own it. I'm sure it will get me in trouble one day but no one knows me. I'm careful to never disclose any key things about my personal life. I never talk about my fam, work, etc but some will go to great lengths to figure out my info. Even with my avi up, I could walk past any of them on the street and they probably wouldn't recognize me. It really blows my mind how hard people go on the internets. Sometimes it's alittle scary but I just block them.

  11. Also… I think its great y'all are doing an NCAA bracket.

    I'm sure with all the talk this past year about how overrated PWI are, I am sure everyone is picking Hampton over Duke right?

    I mean everyone hates those Dukies, right? Except when it comes to filling out those brackets…

    1. i have duke over hampton because i'm not an idiot but i hate duke. just like jalen rose did. i'm still laughing at him calling grant hill at b*tch. i still don't have duke making it past the elite 8. they rely too much on the 3 ball.

      1. Iowa St? Iowa St?!?

        Macus Fizer and Jamal Tinsley?

        Really… Really?

        Marcus Fizer?

        That is your great upset?

        Not Iowa… Iowa St!. Big difference.

        1. umm iowa state was a number 2 seed for a reason that year. and then hampton went on to play georgetown tough that year. a georgetown team that made the elite 8 if i'm not mistaken.

        2. Actually in the second round they dominated Georgetown's starting five too. But then Georgetown did what the bigger school's normally do when the little school's have a better starting five…..they started substituting non stop until the other teams starting five wore out. The bigger school's are always deeper. Many times the little school's have a better starting five….but their bench players are sorry while a school like Duke will have high caliber players on the bench.

    2. personally, growing up, i never hated duke, i was too busy rooting for the Orangemen…

      but i can see why Jalen would hate Duke

      oh, and i think the record for #1 seeds is 104-0 in the first round since 64-team expansion…but y'all go ahead and pick Hampton…*smirk*

  12. I've written three responses and deleted all three…I am having trouble with this one…maybe, it's because I really can't relate…I heartell of groupies, fans and thirsty chicks..but, I'm not one and I'm not around any of this…so, I will just lay back in the cut on this one:-)

  13. Yeah, definitely blogging is the new rap game in that groupies are rampant. It's funny because with blogging, a groupie doesn't have to get through a hotel room, just a Facebook account, perhaps find a way to their gmail, etc. All the "stalking" is of the e-variety. And probably not as hard as having to go through hotel security, for example. I've heard stories, but honestly, I can't even imagine the number of random requests ya'll probably get. I would say especially those who have shown their picture, but hell, the mysterious ones have an appeal all on their own. It's the writing. 🙂

    And I can definitely say the lines have blurred…

    It's all very interesting.

  14. I think eThirst and eGroupieness can ruin a woman's reputation more than the non-internet variety b/c instead of her business staying in that man's circle it can turn viral. Especially if pics with a face are sent, I wonder how many would be embarrassed if their boss/SO/family/etc found out about this.

    Questions:

    Do groupies care about their reputations?

    Are groupies afforded privacy? If so, why?

  15. "Little does he know that they have an agenda of their own that doesn’t necessarily include getting pregnant or just being in pictures. They may be trying to get access to the dude’s network so that they can leverage it professionally or socially."

    Interesting. I didn't know people could view this type of behavior as being a groupie. It sounds more like networking, especially if they aren't trying to get money, trips or babies from said dude (or woman). I see our white and jewish brothers and sisters doing stuff like this (in addition to black folk of course) all the time in the corporate world. Its how they build their contacts, gain alliances and move up in the world. If the recession has taught me nothing else, sometimes it ain't really about what you know. Its who you know. I can't say that I'm mad at them either. Sigh. Life just ain't fair, is it? Thought provoking post.

    1. I usually lurk but I thought I'd agree with that – doesn't sound like groupie attitude,it just sounds like being wise to me..?

  16. As someone still less than a year into blogging, I haven't been to enough events where bloggers are meeting their readers to tell if there really are women whose attraction to male bloggers extends beyond the digital realm. It's one thing to have e-thongs and e-boyshorts thrown at you, it's another thing entirely to have real life thongs and boyshorts thrown at you. I'm interested to see how this all plays out.

    Personally speaking, I don't think I have groupies really. If you've read anything I've written here, it's pretty clear pretty fast that I'm married and though women of questionable moral standards exist in real life, few women are willing to expose themselves to the ridicule that would come with over-exposing themselves in that way on these internets. And then on my personal blog, I don't often write about love and relationships so, I like to think the folks who read it are reading it because the content is so dope. It's much more of a niche thing than the sort of thing that might bring the groupies out.

    Interesting post. I'm holding back my opinion till I go t a few more events. One question for Slim though. As a popular male blogger, who's probably a generally popular guy in real life, are you sure you wouldn't be attracting the same # of women were it not for the blog? Could it be that you're just hitting your stride as a man?

    1. I can honestly say that this ish has upped my stock. There are women that haven't spoken to me in years that see what's going on and now they're interested and suggestive in their words. But it's not like I point into the crowd and say "that one and that one" and my boy Bovice or Orpheus goes and gets them and they come over and do whatever I want. However, most of the women I meet as a result of this don't come off as groupies. I just think of them as fans or supportive readers.

    2. Most you insult the intelligence of every reader at SBM when you say you don't have any groupies.

      Stop it. Be serious. You don't need more people. You need to stop.

      1. I was going to comment on that too Dr. J….but, then I said nah…he almost has to say he doesn't have groupies to keep things chill at home…so, I get it. lol

      2. I think Most is actually a great example of where the groupie label could go wrong. A lot of women are appreciative of what they perceive to be a refreshing p.o.v, and I can't personally say that I've disagreed with much he's had to say thus far. I can see a lot of women constantly co-signing him and seeking out some kind of genuine friendship with him, but getting the side-eye from bystanders.

  17. i haven't really experienced groupies to the level you speak of. perhaps its because i don't attend events where a lot of bloggers are present.

    one thing i have noticed or has come back to me is the monitoring of my online activity and certain people i may speak to or not speak to. i may be in twitter and comment on blogs but i certainly don't have the time to track someone's dealings and then turn around and gossip about it.

  18. “there are women that get in with the stars before they become stars and position themselves as friends.”

    _______________________________

    I tried to explain this to a female once that was saying that a women is not a gold digger if she knew a guy before he joined the NFL or NBA.

    That's BS. People know when you are going all the way. Some talents are obvious. I'm sure by age 15 anyone that had seen Lebron play basketball knew he was on his way. When ESPN is filming your high school games and car dealers are giving you Hummers it's pretty obvious.

    I remember watching another popular baller that had dudes dumping money and cars on him when he was still in high school cause everybody knew he was goin pro.

    P.S. Is it just me or is thirsty just a word used by haters. The opposite of thirsty would be acting cool like you don't like someone. But why would you do that if you like someone?

    1. "P.S. Is it just me or is thirsty just a word used by haters."

      I was hoping for more on thirst. What acts would people describe as thirsty rather than being a go getter?

      MMW "I wanna learn"

  19. Dang, eye level with the toilet paper tho? Wow…I guess.

    I mean although Slim's picture are nice to look at, I guess for some it's more serious than that huh?

    I guess.

    I mean, I love reading the p.o.v's expressed here and else where on the internet but I just can't see myself going gushy over a blog writer. No offense but, I don't know YOU Slim. Your writings are great but I can't tell who you are based on them. Sometimes writers write just to incite comments, others times they may or may not reveal what they really think about a particular topic.

    Maybe it is the mysteriousness of it all that may attract some women. I don't know…I am just guessing for real.

    One question…are you at the point where you can't tell if the chicas want YOU or a taste of fame now? Because that is gonna suck!

  20. I have no idea how much women are into bloggers, being that I'm not one. I think if that is indeed the case, it is probably because fame is an attractive quality. If you blog on a relatively popular (black blog popular, not getting hits like HuffPo popular) blog like SBM.org, I could see someone viewing a blogger as popular (popularity is the younger cousin of famous). In the eyes of some, that could raise you up a couple of points on the desirability scale, in the same sense that men that appear on reality shows move up a couple of notches.

  21. I know I've teased you about it before, but I think it's funny. I had no idea that there was this whole linking up thing behind the scenes. The blog world is like a community of fans, stans, cliques, etc. This is completely foreign to me. Most people I know don't even read blogs or go online for any type of "hooking up". I guess what baffles me is why anyone would try to get attention from someone who a) you've never met b) will probably never meet c) lives miles and miles away ? Basically, why do these people care? Aren't there men in their area who they could actually meet and date?

    Mi no comprende but it doesn't bother me at all. I guess there are all types of people out there. Some may be lacking of suitable bachelors in their area so they try to meet people online, etc. I had a very outrageous ebooship (yes that's a word) with CBG on VSB. Did I ever talk to him behind the scenes? Never….not even through email. It's all in good fun but not that serious. I prefer real life interactions.

    As far as looks are concerned, I get it. Combine good looks with thoughtful posts and you get admirers. You and the guys are good writers…even Dr. Jay (when I want to ring his neck) he's a thoughtful writer too. lol All of you are decent looking, no swamp donkeys. Take it as a compliment and may you get all the blog booty you can handle. I'm happy for anyone who is winning. lol

    As far as the other women hating on the sidelines…STOP HATING. Now you should write a post about Haters. They need to be addressed.

    1. I think I'll place my co-sign here… lol. It's somewhere between this post and WIMs below it.

      You know when you are groupie [period]. You can deny deny deny… but when your sole existence is wrapped around acquiring popularity/fame through someone else's connections… you might be a groupie.

      Online it gets a little murky b/c voice tone means alot. I mean I could tell Mr. Jackson is cabeza is wonderful (*wink*) and for someone looking to throw shade I could be a groupie. To someone who knows me they'd know it was a joke… the e-streets make the line very murky. In #reallife doe, it's a lot easier to spot.

      1. "Online it gets a little murky b/c voice tone means alot. I mean I could tell Mr. Jackson is cabeza is wonderful (*wink*) and for someone looking to throw shade I could be a groupie. To someone who knows me they’d know it was a joke… the e-streets make the line very murky. In #reallife doe, it’s a lot easier to spot."

        this is true too. very true. I still don't think identify or even acknowledging thirst or groupie-dom is hating though.

        1. I cosign both of yous (with an s) It's just type on a screen and that creates alot of problems. It's easy to mis-understand someone and leads to miscommunication.

          As far as thirsty, etc…that's just hate. Period. I almost never hear men use this word, only women. Over zealous people or groupies can be annoying…but I just go on with my day. It doesn't ruffle my feathers at all.

  22. Not really sure how to respond to this one, while I agree with the categories and the associated descriptions I'm not sure which, if any, apply to me. I'm cocky in a humble sort of way so I don’t know if I would consider people who enjoy my writing "fans." I do know my reader-ship has increased, despite the fact that the number of comments I receive has remained relatively steady.

    I also think I have a different perspective since I lived in Texas before and now I live in the boonies of Colorado. I've talked to you about this before Slim when you were saying you knew dudes that get beats off their sites over on the Twitter. I mean Texas is such a big ass state I never met a lot of bloggers off-line unless they already lived in my city. I wasn’t about to drive 4 hours to say "what's up" to some e-strangers.

    However, on various websites I've been on people in Atlanta and pretty much all of the East Coast had "meet ups" about every other week (it was always drama but a lot of funny @ss blogs came about because of them). I think you all can do that because you're more closely nestled together. I've been writing on-line for a long time – prob over a decade under various pseudonyms – and I don’t think I've ever met anyone off-line specifically due to my writing. Of course, if they were like the undercover groupie you discussed, then maybe I did and just didn’t realize it.

    It's possible I just suck at life, because to be honest, #iAintGotNoGame. If it wasn’t for my charming personality, child-like innocence and develish good looks I'd never get no vagina man. True story. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Shout outs to baby Jesus.

    …am I the only one that finds it funny how many people are scared to even compliment other people on-line for fear of looking thirsty-ish/groupie-ish or being talked about in a BBM/gchat by other people they dont even know?

    1. "…am I the only one that finds it funny how many people are scared to even compliment other people on-line for fear of looking thirsty-ish/groupie-ish or being talked about in a BBM/gchat by other people they dont even know?"

      I find it hilarious. Folks will put all their business out there and then be scared to compliment someone because of how they thing other people that have no ties to their real life will view it.

    2. I never cared about what any of you looked like until I saw how much other women cared about what you look like. Here's my 36 cents on you SBM bloggers….

      WIM – I think you're hilarious. I've read your blog, seen your pic and I STILL think you're funny. You're attractive but that doesn't make you any funnier. No other thoughts on you just yet.

      Slim – I think you're a really good writer. That's what brought me to SBM. I saw your pic and thought it looked alittle gay but STILL think you're a good writer. Then I saw you on Ustream and saw you're handsome. That's the only reason I watched your ustream…to see what you look like/sound like…I could care less what you had to say. Do I like your posts more now that I know what you look like? Fug no. I don't know you internet n*ggas. You could be the biggest NYC douchebag. Who knows and who cares.

      Dr. Jay – Believe it or not, your posts are the most interesting. I really do agree with you most of the time, it's your delivery that makes me want to ring your neck sometimes but who am I to talk. I've seen your pic, etc and I STILL think you're a good writer….you're handsome too. Hi five.

      Streetz – I didn't know what you look like which made me want to know what you look like even more. <—that makes sense in my head. I saw some you tube video of you talking about sports or something. You're handsome but you seem mean. I dunno why but you do. You could be a douchebag too…who knows and who cares. You're a good writer though. You and WIM make me laugh the most. Hi five.

      MostInterestingMan – YOU sir are my favorite. I saw your pic, you look like Kid Cudi. Hi five to you but what I like about you is your writing. I agree with everything you say. I wish more male bloggers thought like you.

      I judge EVERYONE by appearance amongst other things. If your avi is up, I'm judging you. That's life and human nature but I could care less about who hooks up with who. I'm happy for all ya'll. I've said before, there's only 2 blogs I comment on and it's because of the writing. I'm here because of the topics you all discuss. I do NOT think about any of you epeople nor do I want any of you epeople. I say what I think and think what I want cause I'm free like dat. I'm not going to justify myself to anyone. Any female who wants to take this comment as panties thrown can kiss mi rass cause I'm not wearing panties.

      Now how's THAT for thirst….

      Have a good day.

        1. lol that wasn't a diss. My whole point was your looks (and the other guy's) didn't change my views of your writing. You're still funny to me no matter what you look like.

        1. First time anyone has ever told me I look like Kid Cudi. I might need to send you some further pics to dispel that!.

          But I like being people's favorite so that makes me happy!

          I rarely ever disagree with you and typically enjoy the humor and quality in your comments.

          But 1 thing. Streetz is not mean AT ALL! If you ever meet him in real life you'll laugh at yourself for ever having said that. I'm not exaggerating when I say that Streetz is in my list of top 10 most genuinely nice people I know.

        2. Oh I'm sure he is. That was just my perception as I don't know him at all. That's kind of my point. You guys could be jerks or total sweethearts, I'll never know so why chase edudes? Im sure I'm perceived as an over-sexed lunatic. Barely anyone knows me either. In fact I just met 2 commenters who were shocked at how nice I really am. Anyhow, no shots at Streetz. I believe you. His avi is scary though…but I'm sure he's nice. Lol

  23. I think I know what real thirst looks like! I live in the land of thirsty/groupie(s) people…Californication. When the All Star week was going on it was just bananas. But I digress. I think I have seen a sign of thirst or two but most times I just chalk it up as good fun. I mean I didn't realize women AND men were getting all amped over mere words until it happened to me. I agree with the sentiments of SFG and Christina this thirsty behavior can be looked upon in a lot of different ways.

  24. Nice write Slim! (That's a compliment). I find the whole thing pretty interesting. I'm learning to navigate this whole e-world and it's a lot of fun. When it stops becoming fun then I probably just won't play anymore.

  25. I guess I'm just wilding out since I have very few opportunities to be actively involved in the blog discussions, but here I go again. I find it interesting that a lot of people think it odd for people to get attached based on words. I actually think a blog would be one of a few really good places to scope out a potential partner. I don't mean coming on with the intention of meeting someone, but think about it. Day in, day out, you get to see people expound their views and get a feel for their character, particularly if you interact with them elsewhere as well. There are, of course, bullshitters out there, but you get a fair sense of who could be legit and who could be full of shit after awhile. People have been attracted to me based on online observations, and I've had at least one relationship come out if it. I don't find it odd at all, but perhaps that's because I usually don't break things up into "real world vs online world". I am the same on both fronts, and usually give people the benefit of the doubt that they are as well.

    1. I see your point. I think for me, words are just words. Everyone is a bullsh*tter until I see actions to support it. People can run alot of game. Bloggers can make themselves out to be dons and be simpletons in real life. That's why I separate internet from life. I can read your thoughts on topics yet still not know you…now your diary or journal is another story. 🙂 …but most bloggers don't talk about their personal lives. Either way, I understand how some could fall for the hype but it's really all hype until you meet them.

      1. The thing that would be weird to me is falling madly in love with people solely based on their posts, although I'm sure that happens. Trust me, I have a healthy level of pessimism, and it doesn't take much for me to lose general interest in a lot of people in "real life" or online, male or female. See, it's that "falling for the hype" concept that I don't really get. I mean, I get it, but what I'm talking about is deeper than people painting rosy images of their lives and character. Since we're talking about bloggers, say Blogger X has this interesting blog that you start to follow. Overtime, you realize that you & him hold the same views on a lot of things, even those that others give you the side-eye for. Similar views & interests are what bring people together, whether the relationship is of a platonic or romantic nature. On the "romantic" end of things, people decide to sleep with others based on physical appearance, and sometimes at first sighting. It would make much more sense to me if I see someone falling for a blogger based on perceived intellect & similarity of views than someone deciding that they want to pursue a relationship because X is easy on the eye…which, by the way, happens everyday.

        "I think for me, words are just words. Everyone is a bullsh*tter until I see actions to support it."

        I think that's why people take steps to get to know the object of their interest on another level. You can't see actions that support or refute your theory unless you grant a window of opportunity.

  26. I forgot to ask last night, would these women be considered "Intellectual Groupies"? Since, you know, they're thirsty for that mental orgasm that bloggers tend to give them?

  27. I cosign everything Beef Bacon and SFG said today. Except, I don't necessarily think calling out thirsty behavior makes you a hater. Though, it does have a way of making some women look a little silly and a little bitter. Like, dude, why allow thirsty women to even take up mental space when you could be masterbating reading or something…

  28. This is a great post. I'm honestly still confused about the 2 out of 3 terms lol. What I can say is this…Twitter has given me a greater understanding of what being "thirsty" really is. I swear! I really enjoy meeting new people; I love talking to my followers, and those that I follow. I'm working on getting my blog poppin' again just b/c the blog world love is like no other, BUT there's a huge diff b/w conversing and sharing interests/views with ppl on the internet, and going smack at every person you speak to. THATS thirsty!

    Often times when someone DMs me or says one to many endearing things, I go to their profile and see that he/she has said the SAME things to EVERYONE! That's thirsty! If you're a man, and you follow 1002 females, and you're trying to openly holler at all of them…you're THIRSTY! If you're a female and all you talk to is tatted up dread heads…you're THIRSTY!

    Shit's getting out of hand lol.

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