7. Priorities: Most men want to get their affairs in order before they get married: college, career advancement, etc. There are simply certain accomplishments men prefer to achieve before marriage. However, I honestly believe black (and minority) men are the worst offenders when it comes to using this as an excuse not to get married.
It’s an excuse because a good woman will work with you to achieve your goals. You don’t need to achieve everything before you get married. In fact, you never will, unless you plan to become goal-less once married. To me, this is the worst and easiest cop out.
6. Finances: This is related to number 7; most of us have debt. It’s a part of life. For whatever reason, black men tend to use this as another excuse not to get married. I get it. You want to bring the minimal amount of baggage to your relationship but if your goal is to be debt free before you ‘put a ring on it,’ you are on a much longer timeline than most women. Besides, if a woman loves you, she likely doesn’t care (unless you have bad credit). This burden doesn’t have to be yours and yours alone. If you love her, marry her, and make a plan. Together.
5. Immaturity: Rather than rehash a topic I feel was thoroughly addressed, if you haven’t already, read I’m Good and Grown. You’re Nuts by Slim Jackson and the associated hyperlinked article.
4. Sex Without Commitment is Too Easy: Slate wrote an article called Sex Is Cheap: Why young men have the upper hand in bed, even when they’re failing in life. Sex has become a ratio of supply and demand. A quote:
“As Baumeister, Vohs, and others have repeatedly shown, on average, men want sex more than women do. Call it sexist, call it whatever you want—the evidence shows it’s true. In one frequently cited study, attractive young researchers separately approached opposite-sex strangers on Florida State University’s campus and proposed casual sex. Three-quarters of the men were game, but not one woman said yes. I know: Women love sex too. But research like this consistently demonstrates that men have a greater and far less discriminating appetite for it. As Baumeister and Vohs note, sex in consensual relationships therefore commences only when women decide it does.
And yet despite the fact that women are holding the sexual purse strings, they aren’t asking for much in return these days—the market “price” of sex is currently very low.”
3. They Don’t Want to: Not all men believe marriage defines them and they are perfectly content never getting married. Society compounds this because when an eligible, good looking, successful bachelor is single people assume it’s by choice. When an eligible, good looking, successful bachelorette is single people assume there’s something wrong with her.
2. Searching for the Perfect Woman: If all the reasons above have been thoroughly addressed and he still hasn’t married you, it’s because he thinks he can do better. This doesn’t mean he’s correct but men tend to have an inflated sense of self. Maybe we had sex with a finer chick than you once in high school or we had a conversation with a woman smarter than you at work or we saw a documentary on the Discovery Channel theorizing that all the finest women are actually in outer space and they love overweight bald guys with small [Richards] and no job.
Even if these “possibilities” only exist in our head, men are going to hold out as long as possible. This is a very stupid reason but I assure you it’s the main reason most men aren’t rushing to get married. The ‘what if’ questions perpetuate the fear of commitment.
Conversely, you’ve been threatening to leave him if he doesn’t marry you for the last half decade and you are no closer to becoming a wife than you are to becoming the princess of Zamunda and yet you remain with him. Please refer back to #4.
1. [Your reason here]: The number one reason is yours. I, of course, can’t speak for you but that’s what the comments are for. Gentlemen, feel free to expand on the six reasons above or add additional reasons you’re not married below. If you’re under 25, I personally give you a pass but then again, one of our writers, The Most Interesting Man In The World, did get married at 22. So what’s your excuse?
Ladies, if you think you can handle the truth, speak now or forever hold your peace.
#Plug: I did my first video blog this week on my personal site, Why Do Black People Love ‘Love Jones?’ Check it out. Constructive feedback welcome.