Home Dating & Relationships Relationships Someone Else’s Girl: Adulterers, Cheaters and You

Someone Else’s Girl: Adulterers, Cheaters and You

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Website: http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com Twitter: @WisdomIsMisery

Excuse me, do you have any black in you? Would you like some???

R.I.P. Pimp C 1973 -2007
Let Me See It:

“I’m a country ass n***a;
I f**ked wit’ yo’ wife…
If yo’ b***h come around,
We put some d*ck in her life.”

And that’s why I don’t trust country brothas. I could end this post there but lets delve further. I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older or what but I’ve noticed a significant amount of married, yes married – not just in a relationship – women approaching me lately. I’m nothing special so I imagine this experience isn’t unique to myself.

What I’m wondering is, what are my responsibilities in this situation? I mean, I’m not the one that took the vows but am I still obligated to respect them? I know a handful of women who openly cheat on their husbands. How their husbands don’t know is beyond me, because everyone else seems to know. Or maybe they do know. Who knows, there are too many unknown knowns.

Does it matter if the woman is only in a relationship vs. married? Does that make it any better or worse? Should I walk away from any woman that admits she’s in a relationship, married or otherwise?

Honestly, I think a woman’s situation – single or not – has little to do with me. I don’t actively approach women I know are in a relationship and in most cases, I’ll walk away if I find out such information later. However, in the cases I’m referencing the women approached me. This tells me that she has already discounted the merits of her own relationship. This leads me to conclude that if not me, it would be some other man. For instance, if Alicia Keys comes at me bro, please believe I won’t lose sleep over how Swizz Beatz feels about it.

See Also:  The Business of Relationships: How Men Can Measure Their Value to a Woman

There is an exception and that’s if you’re my good friend. And I mean real friend, not some dude I know exists. In that situation, if your girl tries to get at me, I’ll not only turn her down, I’ll more than likely let you know. I say ‘more than likely’ because sometimes a woman isn’t a habitual cheater. I, as your best-friend, am the most convenient and hurtful target. I’m not saying it’s a fact, but I’ve definitely witnessed on repeat occasions that if a woman is trying to hurt you, she’s going to REALLY hurt you. e.g. with your best-friend or your worst enemy.

On the other hand, I find women have in abundance something men often lack – will power. Sure, a woman might want to get it in with the entire football team but she has the will power to resist such temptation. Whereas, if a man wants to get it in with the cheerleading squad, those cheerleaders better keep their head on a swivel. I don’t know how but women walk away from xes all the time. Sometimes they blatantly turn it down or put it off for years and years. I’m not saying they don’t exist but I run into few men who choose to go without xes. Excluding religious reasons, I don’t know any.

See Also:  10 Things Every Single Man Needs to Know

Therefore, I will admit, as a single man, I do believe it’s up to the woman to determine if relations will or will not be had; especially, if she’s married. I believe this because men are simple and opportunistic. Some men might disagree with me because they’ve been faithful to their woman and vise versa and they might also disagree they’re simple – but just because you can read a book and quote a few Malcolm X verses doesn’t impress me. On a granular level, I still believe when you see a phat [donkey] pass by you’re going to think the same thing as the rest of my simpletons and it won’t have anything to do with opining on how high her SAT scores were. You have made the choice not to act on your impulses – and I commend you.

Fellow single people, are you as responsible as the committed person to respect the boundaries of their relationship even if they do not? Is it different if they’re in a relationship vs. married? Would you ever knowingly be with a married man/woman? If a married person approaches you are you obligated to tell their spouse? What will you do or did you do to ensure that your relationship or marriage is strong and established enough not to be infiltrated by the likes of a ‘Pimp C’?

Comment(178)

  1. i've slept with some women that i've later found out were in relationships and i didn't feel too good about that. i've never had sex with a married woman and if one did approach me i wouldn't do it. i respect the sanctity of marriage even if its not mine. i don't need that type of karma in my life.

  2. I know you addressed this a bit, but I simply disagree with this statement, "men are simple and opportunistic". Sure they can be, but so can women. I guess I give men more credit than that, but I've been accused of having high expectations on more than one occasion; so there ya go.

    I say that your actions are your concern. I don't care if she is disrespecting her marriage by being the village bicycle. That's her bad choice to make. When you take her up on her offer, that's not on her, that's on you. You made the choice to bed a married woman.

    When you look at yourself in the mirror or face your Higher Being or swap "I never" stories, it's irrelevant that the woman "started it" or was "the one who took vows", you still chose to sleep with a married woman. If I were considering entering into the union of marriage with you, this would bug me. And how would you feel about the dude that willingly slept with your wife if the shoe were on the other foot?

    So yes, you're always responsible for your own actions.

    Yes, there is a difference between married affairs and bf/gf affairs, but they're both pretty shady.

    No, I'd never knowingly be with a married man (though I did have a date with one-ish messed me up! Obviously, I didn't KNOW he was married til he told me after dinner and a bottle of wine. I was waiting for Joey Greco, a pregnant woman, and the crew of Cheaters to jump outta a bush…lol)

    Naw, I don't think you're obligated to tell a spouse that their wife is a trollop, unless, like you said, it's a close friend. But don't go running your mouth to the neighborhood if you can't tell the hubby. Just keep it to yourself. That never goes well, most times they already know and get mad at you for fronting them out.

    Hmmm, what will I do to cheatproof my marriage? Great question…to which I have no definitive answer right now…

    Good write up Wis.

    1. I don’t care if she is disrespecting her marriage by being the village bicycle

      I like the village Pizza Shop better, where every man gets a SLICE…

    2. Top of the morning to ya. I'm finally working my way through the initial comments.

      "When you look at yourself in the mirror or face your Higher Being or swap “I never” stories, it’s irrelevant that the woman “started it” or was “the one who took vows”, you still chose to sleep with a married woman. If I were considering entering into the union of marriage with you, this would bug me. And how would you feel about the dude that willingly slept with your wife if the shoe were on the other foot?"

      I dont know if yall noticed but I have a pretty 'unique' view on life. But to answer your last question, ' how would you feel…' I would naturally be hurt. That's a given but in the grand scheme of things if I have chosen a woman that is weak enough to cheat on me or another man's game is good enough to take my woman from me, then I'm going to blame myself first and her second. Him, never.

  3. As responsible? No. Accountable for my actions, nonetheless? Yes. I've had my share of times where I'm the one respecting people's relationships even though they're beyond ready to take a piss all over it (No Robert Kelly). If I were to cross that line, though, it would definitely make a difference whether or not "I do"s have been exchanged. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, and I'm sure that being a prospective home-wrecker is not on the list of any manual on how to become a better Christian. I usually don't say "never," but I feel like if I don't put my foot down here at least, I'll be opening myself up to some unpleasantness in the distant future. On that note, I would/will never be knowingly involved with a married man. Married men have approached me and I haven't told their spouses. I wouldn't really know how to go about it, and it could wind up being a messy situation. Perhaps it would be different if I had an active relationship with the spouses in question.

    I mean..it'll be my goal to keep my man happy in every way that I can and to do my best to keep our love alive, but I don't want to do it in the spirit of keeping trifflin' females at bay. I want him to love and respect me and our relationship enough to control himself and uphold his side of the deal we made before God. We'll both have to make a conscious effort, because there will be times when we won't be each other's favorite person.

  4. Good Morning WIM, I hope everything is well… Love your video blog <DEL> even though I only watched 10 seconds of it… </DEL>

    I actually have a book on my bookshelf called "Scoring With Married Women" , I have yet to take advantage of the information thus far… <DEL> I fully intend to you use it </DEL>

    I am not responsible for ANY human being's relationships… I don't sleep with my family & friends girlfriends/wives OUT OF RESPECT… That's it…

    The only concern I have with dealing with women in committed relationships is the JEALOUS BF/Husband with the ShotGun… Cause yes, women will set you up… It has happened with me <DEL> I didn't get to beat tho #RealTears </DEL>

    Other than that, I love dealing with another man's girlfriend/wife… That is the WAVE…

    1. And as far as my relationships are concerned… If a woman cheats on me while in a relationship, It is my fault…

      Either I picked the wrong woman to commit to… or I was a sh*tty partner…

      I have to own that either way…

      Goodnight

  5. Does it matter if the woman is only in a relationship vs. married? Does that make it any better or worse? Should I walk away from any woman that admits she’s in a relationship, married or otherwise? Great Questions.

    If you were in a committed relationship or married would you be fine with another man choppin your girl down knowing she with you? Or is this no concern of his because its her choice?

    I think if a man KNOWINGLY! mess with another man's girl/wife he is dead wrong. Cause I'm pretty sure he would not like to be on the other end of this situation.

    Now if he later finds out that she has a man/husband and didn't know in the beginning he should end the relationship as soon as possible. Cause a woman with no respect for her man/husband is just DANGEROUS!!!

    Great post.

    1. "Cause a woman with no respect for her man/husband is just DANGEROUS!!!"

      I Concur!!!

      2 Snaps in a Z Formation…

      My rule of thinking is "If They Cheat With then Please Believe They'll Cheat ON YOU.

  6. I've always said I'm the one who has to look myself in the mirror every morning. If I know a woman's married, she is no longer on the buffet table. The problem is when the ring comes off and then she make her move. (Is that entrapment?)

    As far as telling their spouse? Only if I knew the spouse. I'm not going to active seek out some guy I don't know to tell him his wife was offering me the goods. That's not my battle to fight.

    SN: I never did understand the person who's been cheated on going after the other person (not their husband/wife), especially if they didn't know your spouse was married. They didn't betray your trust. Why go after them?

    1. The person who is at fault is the cheating committed person. admittedly, I would still have my negative thoughts and things to say about the other person if they knew the person was in a relationship/married, but that person didn't make me any promises or make the marriage vow to me. It is the perosn that i made a committment to that wronged me and that's who I would have the issue with!

  7. Are you as responsible as the committed person to respect the boundaries of their relationship even if they do not?

    A person is not committed to their partner or relationship if they can’t even respect the boundaries of their own relationship. However, I do not get involved in messy, dramatic interactions when it comes to romantic relationships. I am a drama-free kind of gal and I can sniff out foul play better and quicker than a German Sheppard. It doesn’t matter, for me, if it is a temporary committed relationship or marriage because infidelity has the power to destroy a person’s spirit and that just isn’t my style. I have too much respect for myself to knowingly be in a romantic relationship with a married man…Once again, that’s not my style.

    If a married person approaches you are you obligated to tell their spouse?

    I’m not obligated, but I’ll definitely drop hints for the wife that her husband is stepping outside of their marriage. Directly approaching the wife may backfire if her husband lies or if she’s in denial. I’ll drop hints and allow her and Toto to follow the yellow brick road.

    What will you do to ensure that your relationship or marriage is strong and established enough not to be infiltrated by the likes of a ‘Pimp C’?

    I always make sure to be with a man whose communication style, personality and temperament complements my communication style, personality and temperament. Following this philosophy works for me because I’ve never been cheated on while in a romantic relationship.

  8. I personally refuse to deal with a woman that is in a relationship of any sort…..because I'm as anti-drama as they come. I'll even ask up front during the get-to-know-her phase if she's completely single just to be sure.

    If she isn't single, I will leave her alone. Point blank.

  9. Amen!

    Married people are off limits….don't even go there…it's a headache/hearbreak waiting to happen..and what goes around will come back around again..so, don't set yourself up…I get approached by married men, singing that sad song…talking about "I'm just with her for the kids", "We don't sleep together"…etc…I tell them, look me up after the divorce and MAYBE we can talk…it's not worth it to me…if you have a girlfriend, I am still hesitant..because there is still going to be drama..I don't like drama….I don't like secrets..so, that is not going to be a good look for me either….

    Every marriage is vulnerable to outside influences..it's up to the individuals in the marriage to honor their vows…and try to resist temptation and don't put yourself in situations where you may be vulnerable..because the flesh is weak…and make sure that your connection with your spouse is on point….and sometimes even after that someone may still cheat…you have to decide you are NOT going to cheat..its a choice. My ex cheated..but, there were a few times where I was tempted but I didn't do it..I thought about my family and what was at stake..and it didn't seem worth it..but, that's me…everybody can't handle temptation of the flesh.

    Like you said, WIM, women turn down sex…and decide to go without for years…I did. I was celibate for 3 yrs after my marriage broke up….So, I do think that men can fall prey to the temptation of s*x quicker then women do…I think they require it on a base level..whereas women can shut down s*xually but still have a full life and be content emotionally….

    Good post, WIM.

    1. here's my theory…

      "What they do with you, they will do to you!"

      If your going to be his/her other person, and think that they will eventually committ to you, they might…but for how long before he/she starts looking for another "other" person???

      Starting something under shady pretences will leave you with the insecurity that he/she will do the same again! And we all know that trust is one of the biggest things!

  10. I wonder how many people are/will lying today on the blog..

    Everyone is acting high and mighty talking about sin… yet Fornication is just as much as an equal sin?

    If you choose to avoid the drama, then I can agree with the asessment people are making.

    Though married women is something on my bucket list… you don't want to see what else is on there.

    1. It's not about being high and mighty, but you have to concede that the "a sin is a sin" mantra is a little off. If you equate running a red light to molesting children, I'm gonna have to hit you with a quick side eye.

      1. Running a red light isnt a sin…

        Running someone over maliciously and killing them… and raping children are sins.

        I hear what you are saying, but I still get that sense that because it's marriage, it's any worse than plain ol' cheating. The ramifications may be different, but it's the same outcome.

        1. @ De

          While it IS fun and can have some VERY nice benifits to it, trust me when I tell you it ain't even worth the headache. I've been down that road a couple of times and it always ends with me getting drug into a bunch of shit I have no interest in being involved in.

    2. "Though married women is something on my bucket list"

      O___o

      I'm curious as to why is that with soooo many single available women running rampant?

      1. Something different… that's all there is to it.

        Besides.. (most) single girls are looking to get in a relationship. Married woman just want some on the side Richard..

    3. @DeKela: "I wonder how many people are/will lying today on the blog..Everyone is acting high and mighty talking about sin… yet Fornication is just as much as an equal sin?"

      In my opinion, a lot of people are either lying or simply abstaining from responding and that's fine. I'm going to speak on this in a much longer context in comment further down.

      Anyway, as someone who has been with a married woman, I can say it isnt worth the drama. Or at least be prepared to deal with drama as Corey said. There's usually no way around it.

      1. Whose HTML fail is causing every comment on the site to be bolded?

        This is not nearly as bad as when Adonis made his SBM debut by causing the most egregious strike-through html fail in the history of SBM.

  11. I only know one thing. If I cheat on my husband he is definitely not going after the other man, he's going after me. Cheating is a direct breach of contract in the marriage and he is going to tell me that the marriage is over, we are going to have to lawyer up and he is going to want me out of our home. It's just the way things are.

    I think that married women better be careful who they cheat with because if they get caught, I hope they like that other man a helluva lot, cause she just might be seeing a lot of him going forward.

    1. I never understood why people, especially women, will go after the other person their spouse/partner cheated on them with. I've seen friends try to fight the girl their man slept with. Like really? That makes no sense to me. That girl isn't married to you, HE is. Good point you made because that rarely gets said.

      1. You are reading my mind SFG! I never understood that. Why fight the girl? She didn't agree to "death do us part" he did! This baffles me everytime.

      2. I think there's only a certain type of women who goes after the other woman when their man steps out on them. These women are the type who believe that men, by nature, are incapable of fidelity and that women, by nature actually do have the ability to keep it in their pants. Because the woman had the ability to resist, it's her fault she didn't, not her mans fault because he couldn't.

        I think these type of women secretly just have really low opinion of men.

        1. "I think these type of women secretly just have really low opinion of men."

          Sadly,I think you're right.

        2. You're right and I'd like to add that this type of woman is also the type that thinks that women "steal" men and not that the man just left. I love how people blame the mistress when the man cheats. That's ignorant.

        3. I think it's also because they aren't willing to leave their men and they don't have the strength/guts to fight their men. Expend all your energy on homegirl and then continue your 'blissful' life with your man…

      3. I didn't say I wasn'g going after the woman….I think, she should be held accountable in some way, too. I mean stay in your lane….if a man is married don't call his house, don't call talkin sh*t….just stay in the background, where you belong until the situation is settled…certainly you don't want to add fuel to an already volatile situation……I mean I'm not coming after the woman physically..but, I will come with a verbal assault like you've never seen…which is what I did…and I would do it again….that is disrespectful..and you will get called out on it.

  12. Really, there are plenty of single people out here! If you are triffling enough to sleep with a married man/woman, then you are really no better than the person is cheating. I know I wouldn't want to date someone who has a past of knowingly sleeping with married people…its just so tacky.

  13. I've been in the situation of being approached by a married man, well actually he was separated. We've been friends w/benefits for 10 months before I found out he was legally married. After I found out, I left town for a few months to clear my head. We had a strong emotional connection. Even though he was separated from his wife, they hang out and messed around from time to time.

    A year after we stopped talking we ran into each other at the store. He begged me to come chill with him over his moms house for the 4th of july. I was like, eh, I dont know. A couples hours won't hurt, right? I went over because I was young and stupid. When I first got there, his mother kidnaps me and says, I want you to meet some people. She introduced me to his brothers and friends which I already have knowledge of, and his daughter and son. I was like, woah. He has babies. I knew he had a few older kids but these were toddlers. Then about 20 minutes later, his wife shows up. How do I know this? I asked his mom. Then his mom was trying to introduce me and his wife. It was awkward. I left immediately before she could figure out who I was and why I was there. I don't know this woman. I'm a petite/small girl and she has height and about 40-50lbs on me. If she decided to go psycho on me, she would probably win if I don't get away fast enough. He was definitely sad to see me go. I could see the disappointment in his face. He told me that he misses me and that he wants go out to dinner and ish. I was like, nah. We should just be friends and leave it at that. That whole experience just turned me completely off.

    I wish he would've told me he was separated in the first place. I wouldn't have to go through all that mess but you live and you learn. If a married man would try to come on to me, I will say, "No, thank you. Have a happy marriage and Have a good life. Peace."

    1. First off, I guess I should introduce myself. I'm Janek and I've been lurking on the site for quite a while as I do on most sites. I find the articles are quite thought-provoking and I enjoy the discourse that follows the posts; although the grammatical errors do sometimes get to me.

      Anyway, back to business. Now that situation does sound a bit hinky but please do not paint all separated individuals with the same brush.

      I live in Ontario, Canada and by law I must be separated from my husband for a minimum of 1 year before I can petition for divorce. Based on what you said, I should be content with being alone until my divorce is final. I might have agreed with you if I weren't of a certain age and still wanted a family.

      I can only say that those who steer clear of separated peoples may be giving up on something that may lead to an amazing relationship. I am very happy that I was able to meet a man that was able to look past my current situation and he and I are deliriously happy together.

  14. Fellow single people, are you as responsible as the committed person to respect the boundaries of their relationship even if they do not?

     For me, yes. I may not be as responsible but based on my morals and values I feel that I have a great responsibility to back off once a man tells me ( or I find out) that he's married or in a relationship. Since I wouldn't want it to happen to me when I get married and I don't want to be girlfriend number two, I will respect their boundaries . Call me selfish but I don't/won't share my man. 

     Is it different if they’re in a relationship vs. married? 

    Either way I would respect the relationship. Everyone doesn't believe in marriage so just because they aren't married doesn't mean their relationship is not as serious. 

    Would you ever knowingly be with a married man/woman? 

    This is an interesting question. At first I had this long drawn out answer but after thinking about it, the answer is simply no. The man can be separated or legally separated and I wouldn't do it. 

    If a married person approaches you are you obligated to tell their spouse? 

    Oh no! I would not do that. Lol.. That is not my place. Like I've done in the past, I would just keep my distance. 

    What will you do or did you do to ensure that your relationship or marriage is strong and established enough not to be infiltrated by the likes of a ‘Pimp C’? 

    Some of things i would do to ensure that my relationship or marriage is strong and established would include making sure we have a strong foundation (still trying to figure out what means), doing things to spice up the relationship and make sure we're connected and on the same page. 

  15. Question: As I stated above my rule of thinking is if She/He is willingly to cheat with you then He/She WILL cheat on you.. Perhaps I could be wrong but my question for the fellas is this. "Say you were messing with a married women or a woman in a relationship and either one of you OR both started catching feelings and decided to become an item, what is the probability of YOU trusting that Women 100% and letting bygone be bygone (not throwing it back in her face)?"

    *StrokesChin*

    1. None. lol

      I mean even if I caught feelings I wouldn't get with someone who I was previously cheating with. I might get with someone who had a cheating past but that's different than if you left someone specifically, especially your husband, just to get with me. Yeah, I'd never trust you. Sorry.

    2. Of course the level of trust is not 100% in that specific situation. Anyone can name situations to prove points on both sides of the discussion. i.e. If a married woman approached me out of town and it was just a one night deal and we don't even exchange information then obviously there is no real opportunity to catch feelings more or less pursue a real relationship.

      Also, if the commonly shared belief that all men cheat or has cheated on someone in the past, then it doesn't really matter what man (single or married at the time) you end up marrying/get in a relationship with because he was a cheater anyway at some point in time which qualifies the current woman as someone that could potentially be cheated on.

      Anyway, at the end of the day advocating infidelity is by no means a good look. But the reality of the situation is anyone in their right mind would not partake, but people are emotional creatures and sh*t happens when emotional senses are at a high and that's where bad decision making comes in. Doesn't make it right, but for some it's the truth.

    1. I knew I wasn't the only person who felt that way… People really don't want to admit how horrible a person they may be..

    2. Some cats aren't honest with their daily comings & goings with the human being they came to love,

      So am I to expect people to come on-line & KIR…

      Yes & No…

      I just take your word for it until you expose yourself…

      "There Are Three Things That CANNOT Remain Hidden, The Sun, The Moon, & The Truth."

      – Buddha

  16. I think that I could understand why someone would sleep with someone who is married. An ex of mine contacted me some years back wanting to see me. And because we didn't end things on a sour note I was excited to link up and do some four letter things ;-). When we finally met up, I noticed he had a silver ring on his left ring finger. He admitted he was married, as if he could deny it. And honestly, don't judge me, for a nano second, give or take a few days, I considered being the other woman. The only thing that stopped me was I knew I just wasn't built to be the side piece, too many rules. I think it all boils down to responsibility for self and empathy. Some people just have no business being married and do it for all the wrong reasons. Most of the time their seeking happiness and think they will find it in someone else and usually are disappointed when they don't. But my views on marriage is for another time I guess.

  17. I'm going to be honest and say I have dealt with a married man before

    On to over sharing… Our 'relationship' started before they were married. They had split up and we started seeing each other. Eventually he got back with her but by then I was open. No… I never wanted him to be my man (well at first I thought I did) I was just so comfortable with him. He became my between boyfriends FWB. Fast forward 3-4 years later he got married. I thought that would end our tryst but a month after the wedding we were back at it. What can I say… He's my kryptonite.

    Now I would never intentionally go for a married man but sh*t happens.

    1. i have the same exact story!! met years before he got married, dated it didn't work, stayed "special" friends and then 3 yrs later he got married. we thought it was the end but then BAM a few months after the wedding, we were seeing each other again… that man/situation took YEARS and YEARS to end… i'm not judging you, i know what its like

  18. It's no secret that I have been involved with a married man. I could write at least a few paragraphs on this, but I've already done that before on SBM.

    Let me just say that I was just like everyone of you up there saying that they would NEVER, EVER in a million years…. That they believe in the sanctity of marriage… That they avoid drama. In the end, all of that went by the wayside, and you really can't say what you'd do until you found yourself in the situation under the right circumstances. Granted, I struggled with guilt and shame every day and ultimately had my heart stomped on. The worst part is that I know I compromised my morals over him and having to live with that.

    Judge me all you want (and I know some of you are already doing it) *shrugs*.

    1. I'm not judging you because you seem to realize your mistakes. It's the women who have no regard or care in the world by habitually going after taken men that get no respect from me. Plenty of women will go after these guys like it's cute. I see them on my job too. It's like the man becomes 10X more attractive because he has a girlfriend/wife that he loves, etc. Some people find a thrill in this. Don't worry about it girl. Everyone makes mistakes. It's what you do with the experience.

    2. No judgement here. As long as you learned from it and have forgiven yourself you're fine.

      I know of some people who dealt with married men and the outcome was never in their favor. I'm not saying I'll never do it since I said I'll never go to school for business yet I have three degrees in it.But in life you find yourself in certain situations where you don't always make the right decisions and maybe you (generally speaking) needed to make that mistake in order to learn something for the future.

    3. I commend your honesty Sane. No judgement here either. It's easy to say what you'd never do until confronted with a situation you thought you'd never be in. That's what makes life real and what makes people grow and become adults.

    4. Funny how you come put in the open, then try to trag some people along. GTFOH.

      You're alone on this one. Yet we wonder why there is a great deal of moral degeneration in our society. I'm pretty sure when you start looking for your Mr Right, you'd hope that he'd also be the right one MORALLY. Nonsense.

      1. Well, I'm glad to hear that there are perfect individuals out in the world still who have never found themselves in any morally/ethically compromising situation and gone down the wrong route.

        I'm not sure what you mean by trying to "trag" (drag?) people with me. I stated my experience and that was that. I appreciate that these ladies aren't throwing figurative stones at me like you are, but trust that I don't need anyone's approval.

        I make mistakes (ya know, that whole pesky human trait) and I do the best that I can to learn from them and be a better person. However, I also know that I'm a good person who has done a lot of good for those around me and continue to try to give back. I don't need your approval or anyone else's. So, thanks for your opinion and ish, and good luck on maintaining that moral purity you portray to have.

        1. Be advised: The people who are quick to attempt to toss you under the bus usually have a deep, dark secret that trumps the worst thing you've ever even thought, let alone done.

        2. Sane girl I gotta tell you – you're a bigger person than I am….. I tip my e-hat to you girl.

          *BowsDown*

          Ole boy's comment. *CrazySideye*

        3. See…that's that sh*t that takes me from "classy smart lady" to "ghetto gangsta b*tch" in 30 secs or less. Sane is really nice and her reply was mature. Kudos to her. I don't know why people do that. It's projecting their own issues more than making the other person look bad.

        4. Haha. Look who's talking about giving back.. Honey, you took away from that woman's relationship. It's foul, fcuking disgusting. I am a sinner, so is everyone else, but don't come here telling us how you've learned from your mistakes of SLEEPING WITH ANOTHER WOMAN'S MAN!!!! Telling me about how good you are.My prayer for you is to marry someone who'll do the same to you, so you know how it feels when another woman sleeps with your man. You freaking don't know what that woman has been through or the pains she went through. That's not your problem, because as selfish as you are, all you can point out as the good you've done is "giving back, and helping people". That's what humans are supposed to do. Don't try to use your positive side to cover your beastly nature/character. We all at one point have helped a stranger or someone in need, but not everyone here can lay claim to sleeping with a married woman's man. You of all people should know that cause you're a WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        5. Yes, I meant DRAG, Sanen85. Don't use my typo as a means of trying to launch an attack. Fact is, if that married man was putting his dick inside you, while you knew he had a wife but chose to enjoy it, you're a beast in character and you'll do it again. This time, trust me when I say, you'll keep it private…but deep down, you know you're one kilometer away from letting another married man ravage you under the sheets.

        6. @KYLE… #CmonSon…

          I promote free unadulterated speech, so I can't completely throw you under the bus…

          But like SFG, you are OUT OF POCKET… & for some reason… That judgmental sh*t is wearing thin…

          I wish I had your life history so we can subject you to EXTREME scrutiny…

          SaneN85 is actually trying to help people through with a very sensitive topic that just about EVERYBODY can relate with her candid experiences… (And it is well appreciated, encouraged & received from me, Adonis)

          I am very intrigued on how you have positively contributed to the discussion…

          At least for me, I live & let live, as long as you step to me with well thought out responses… I will positively entertain you…I have a track record of Thank You's & Concessions…

          I care way too much… Enjoy Your Morning

      2. Kyle grow up.

        You just really got on my nerves with this post. Very judgemental, I guess we should drag Sane in front of the town square and stone her to death, better yet place a scarlett A on her chest. Hope you're not in any high ranking position in life. You're scary.

        1. Fcuk it. You people are on some shit. No moral decency at all. I suppose committing MURDER should also be overlooked, after all murderers learn their lessons too?

      3. KYLE, you are a FUCKIN' DOUCHE…

        It is hard for people to keep it a BUCK as it is…

        We don't need that judgemental ENERGY effin' up the environoment…

        And I do agree, to some degree that you have to be in the situation to really talk about it…

        Most of the resons I am WAVY is because I learned from the mistakes of my elders…

        Guys like KYLE get me tight…

        1. @KYLE

          I am ignorant (KYLE) to a large degree & also a corny boi (PEYSO), & a joke (and according to SFG & Ms. Sweet)

          Enjoy your morning…

          You deserve more out of life…

      1. One of the Best jpg's EVER…

        That is how my musical mind works…

        I can come up with a song for almost any situation… especially BECAUSE their IS a song for every situation…

      2. "Judge me all you want (and I know some of you are already doing it) *shrugs* " – – – sanen85

        I understand you're trying to be there for your e-friend, but please be smart about it. When trying to make the enemy look stupid, be careful not to expose your own stupidity.

        1. Wow you went all out with this one eh? How old are you? I feel like this is something I might've done myself 10 years ago or so. Just so black-and-white, man! Live a little, have a close friend who cheated/was the other (wo)man tell you why they did what they did and maybe you'll start to understand that you don't need to judge so hard cause they're already judging themselves. That doesn't mean you're condoning cheating! I'm definitely not! But people make mistakes… and cheating is not murder, let's not get carried away here, though it can feel like someone stabbed you in the chest, you'll survive.

          I can understand these comments if you were recently cheated upon. Then you might hate everyone who's ever cheated, and you have every right to! This hatred for someone you don't even know just seems a bit unnecessary to me.

    5. Alright sh*t…sigh.

      Before I was married..I did mess around with a married man..it was an emotional connection…not physical….I met up with him a few times….always in a public setting..nothing happened..it could have..but I wouldn't allow it. I was wrong..pure and simple. Once I got married I realized how wrong I was…and when my ex stepped out on me…I had a moment of clarity about everything…you just don't do that…you don't interfere in another person's marriage…..let them get that sh*t worked out or NOT..it's not helping their situation if you are in the picture…it's that simple. I learned from my mistake and I would never do it again.

  19. Imma tell you like my wise grandma told me: "Cheating is not just an act, it's a relection of one's character."

    Fellow single people, are you as responsible as the committed person to respect the boundaries of their relationship even if they do not?

    Taken is not my flavor…not any day of the week, month or year. With all of the available poontang/booty out there, why invest any type of emotion in someone who can't reciprocate it? Now if your sole purpose is to just have s.ex, why subject yourself to the drama of dealing with someone who is already taken? Isn't free booty better booty? <— feel free to read this in a pimp's voice.

    Is it different if they’re in a relationship vs. married? It's all di same ting bredrin. Just remember, ring or no ring, there's someone else who's tappin that. Men should be territorial with their conquests….another man has "pissed" all over that. Other people's goods are good to you? No comprende.

    Would you ever knowingly be with a married man/woman?

    No…and I have ZERO respect for women who sleep with taken men. Like you said, men are primal with s.ex so it's not completely outrageous for them to be "wild" with it but women? Women get an extra side eye from me. Taken h0es are s.exy, free h0es are just dirty. Sleeping with 2 men at once is dirty.

    If a married person approaches you are you obligated to tell their spouse?

    Now this is tricky. I've been in a situation where I let the spouse know…numerous times…and all times it ended badly. I find that most people know their spouse is cheating and refuse to see the signs. You telling them makes YOU the bad guy like you're the one who's messing up what they have. I'll still tell you if I care about you, if not…peace be unto and your ignorance.

    What will you do or did you do to ensure that your relationship or marriage is strong and established enough not to be infiltrated by the likes of a ‘Pimp C’?

    Just be smart and alert. Try to avoid unnecessary situations like a bunch of "man trips" to Vegas and stuff like that…or letting your partner have friends of the opposite s.ex,etc. It's a h0e world out there. However, I can tell you that I've been cheated on. Believe it or not, I'm that girl that puts her man on a pedestal (first mistake) and aim to please in all areas especially the bedroom. I love being in love but nothing can fully prevent a man from cheating. All they need is time and opportunity with the right mindset. I think cheaters have their own issues internally which have little to do with their significant other.

    1. Isn’t free booty better booty? <— feel free to read this in a pimp's voice

      A pimp would NEVER say this. Free ain't in the vocabulary.

      ….another man has “pissed” all over that

      Another man pissed all over any piece you get. Only simps and suckas really believe they're chick learned how to suck one like THAT from reading books and looking at diagrams.

      No friends of the opposite sex sounds like dangerous business to me. From my experience that's the Stage 5 clingers that like to get their Magnum PI on for no apparent reason and you can't get off you with WD40 and a crowbar……

    2. "I love being in love but nothing can fully prevent a man from cheating."

      So TRUE, i say this all the time. You can be a double jointed nympho and if a man still wants to cheat? He will…

      What can you do? But pray and hope you are with someone who values you and your relationship as much as you do, while doing the best you can to complement them and add to their happiness!

    3. Taken h0es are s.exy, free h0es are just dirty. Sleeping with 2 men at once is dirty.

      Although you make some good points SFG… & when you make good points, you will continue have my co-sign…

      I think LESS of you for making this statement…

      I really do <DEL> (Not that you should care…) </DEL>

      You are the reason why perfectly "emotionally mature" & "sexually selective & mature" women have a hard time moving through the world… Not me…

      I can understand why immature dudes feel this way, but not a female (but alot of them ARE out there…)

      Two Men and a Lady – http://tinyurl.com/4kpye3p by Max-Logic

      1. You know those moments in life when someone says something so ridiculous, you have so much you could say that you decide to say nothing at all? This is one of those moments. Since I'm learning the art of debate online, I'm just going to walk away from this.

        Think what you like.

        1. On second thought…HELL NAW.

          *Leiomy drops back into thread Cheekie style*

          First of all, I don't care what you think of me…I don't value your opinion that much. Sorry but it's true.

          Secondly, I fantasize about ALOT of things…including double penetration. However, would I ever do it in life? No. Am I judging anyone who wants to do that? No. I don't care what you do with your stuff or what another woman does with her stuff. What does this have to do with sleeping with married people? You're somehow better because you like your women white, fat and taken?

          GREAT! I'm happy for you….

          moving on.

        2. DumbFox… #CmonSon, this is TOO EASY…

          No. Am I judging anyone who wants to do that? No.

          BUT. YOU. JUST. DID. <DEL> And you can't delete it Ninja </DEL>

          Sleeping with 2 men at once is dirty.

          But I am just fascinated on how you would explain this BLANTANT doubletalk…

          All you have left is DEFLECTIONS & Ad Hominem attacks…

          It is best to concede & say you are judgemental about women that have the GUTS to do sexually, that you are to pus$y to do, so you keep it in your fantasy world…

          #PWNED

        3. Sleeping with 2 men at once IS dirty in MY opinion. Am I not going to respect you as a person because you engage in those activities? NO. I have friends of all walks of life. What you do behind closed doors is on you but don't expect me to like it or cosign.

          Ad hominem? But you just called me DumbFox. lol okay. Like I said above, I really don't care what you think of me. Don't play yourself in thinking you owned me or any argument you've had on this blog. If I was to rate the "dumbest" commenter on this blog, you'd win hands down. Trust and believe you're a joke…WAVES and all.

        4. Hey, hey, you two, don't make me spray ya down with a hose.

          Let's keep it above the waist. #FightFair better yet, prove you don't care and stop fighting all together

        5. @Starita I DO give a F.UCK and that is my downfall in life… I care too much… I will care less at life goes on

          @SmartFoxGirl Yes I did insult you (#DumbFox), and I do kinda feel bad… cause whether you are OUT OF POCKET or not, you don't deserve to be insulted…

          I see you have a hard time admitting when you are beat… that's fine, that's cool… when you are evaluating why you are not happy married yet, please add that as a small contributing factor… <DEL> Thank GOD you are pretty, cause then, you & I agree that it definitely helps you get away with your F*ckery </DEL>

          And it is ALSO cool that you look down on people who are more sexually adventurous than you… you admitted that… And I appreciate the honesty… I was just hoping that you were better than that…

          Don’t play yourself in thinking you owned me or any argument you’ve had on this blog

          You are right… I will not think that… I will let the logical people who read/love/comment on this blog to make an honest assessment… <DEL> I can't trust you to do that </DEL>

          If I was to rate the “dumbest” commenter on this blog, you’d win hands down. Trust and believe you’re a joke…WAVES and all.

          This is what I am interested in… And it would be greatly appreciate if you elaborate on this conclusion of me that you conjured up… Thank You

          & Goodnight…

  20. Come on Wis. Don't hate the country boys. If chick wasn't over there rubber neckin, extra eyeballin and chew chewy it wouldn't even be nothin! But on the real, it has been done. I don't really feel any kind of way about it. I'm not "with" either one of them. You can't babysit grown folks. They will do what they will do. I did my dirt but I wouldn't do it again. And for all the people yakking about karma, if bad karma was such an issue there wouldn't be this many crooked, evil, extra rich people scarmbling around. Do what YOU are comfortatble with. Ain't nobody in here clean.

    1. Yeah bro I feel you, but let's be real, we don't know what these crooked evil people are dealing with. For instance, Dick Chaney. We all know what this crooked dude did and while he has tons of money, this dude can barely breathe..LITERALLY!!! lol I have seen this dude rush to George Washington Hospital on many occassions of multiple heart attacks….Who want's that?? So don't be fool by what you may see because there could be a totally different game being played behind close doors….

  21. Yeah, just as SmartFoxGirl stated, I think someone who deals with a married person and knows this, it really says alot about their character. Regardless of how much you may feel for the person, they are taken and if they approach you just politely say, "naw, not that serious." I think some people just like drama in their lives and do things to keep the drama going….Then I go back to saying KARMA is a SOB, so to those out there who think cheating is cool, I would really be careful about what you do. I have seen KARMA first-hand and with friends and believe you me, when it comes backs, it comes with a vengence..

    Also, is it me, but what about the health issues and the potential for babies being born in these "situations." Bad enough we have some of the highest rates of "bastard" kids in the black community which has it's own social impacts, but that's another topic for discussion….I mean people are not affraid of getting the deadly virus, the i burn when i urinate disease, or something you just can't get rid of?? Some things are just human universal moral code of standards no matter what religion you practice and that is, "Do unto others as you would have them to do unto you."

  22. Let me say this:

    People are grimy in 2011 and have been grimy. I too have been in a situation where I was messin with some chick who later told me she had a man. One chick told me she was married "technically".

    I feel like there's some type of allure to the committed person. Whether its sx with no strings attached, or whatever. People like to put this on men, but in my experience women have been just as if not more egregious!

    Men will be up front. If they get caught or if they dont they knwo its wrong. Women will mind fck you into believing otherwise. That is their talent. Respect.

    I personally dont like drama, but I do remember always saying that a woman having a man wasnt my problem because "im just tryna beat". I once had a woman tell me the same thing (in inverse of course)

    At the EOTD, I think women can control a situation. We wont have sx if yall deny it. unless dudes is tryna force themselves upon you, you control it. Everyone needs to learn temperment.

    1. I've seen that "technical" marriage thing, usually when the person is separated from their spouse. I had a girlfriend ask me if she should continue to see a man who isn't divorced but legally separated. That's a tough one.

      As far as s.ex w/ no strings. I know tons of single people who are willing to have s.ex so the married woman isn't the only option. Plus, the married woman has time limits and may not always be available. Good point though in that we are capable of self-control. I side eye my girls who say they "couldn't help it".

      1. @SmartFoxGirl: "As far as s.ex w/ no strings. I know tons of single people who are willing to have s.ex so the married woman isn’t the only option. Plus, the married woman has time limits and may not always be available."

        I dont know if you realized it but this IS why a lot of dudes mess with married women. It's almost the 'perfect' situation. All sex and no work. The husband has to put up with all the 'relationship' duties while all he does is come thru and beat the brakes off it. She's married so she cant ask for more and she has self-imposed time limits.

        I've actually had and heard convos where she's like "I'm going to leave him" and ol boy is like "Don't do that. You need to try and work it out."

        When it comes to adultery, I think most men – like most relationships – are in it for the sex only. They dont want you to leave him. Whereas, most women – like most relationships – want more than the sex. Over time, they'll probably encourage the man or expect him to leave the wife.

        But yeah, either situation is wrong. Still, being 'wrong' hasnt prevented a lot of people from doing this or a lot worse.

        1. No I didn't realize as this isn't a part of my lifestyle. I understand…I think it's pretty sad…but I understand nonetheless. Men want their s.ex w/ no strings. This isn't my type of man but I recognize they are out there.

      2. {the married woman has time limits and may not always be available.]

        From what I've heard this is or should I say used to be (before Jumpoffs and cut buddies) the Allure. You see the married woman at certain times, you don't really venture out in public, she can't spend the night, SHE knows she better NOT come up pregnant or home with a disease — So Safe Sex is usually a priority. She is married so she has no claims on dude, she can't ask him *ish*.

  23. I think the bulk of married women who cheat, end up cheating with a man who is also married. Married women who cheat with single men are interesting creatures. I can't say that I've ever met or encountered too many married women who I knew for sure cheated with single man. Either way, if my Mrs. cheated, that'd be the end of the relationship. Not because I'd be unable to forgive… I would totally forgive. I just wouldn't be able to be an effective husband anymore. Years later, after we're supposedly past it she'd be like… "babe, can you take out the trash?" And I'd be like … "wount' you tell that other n*gga to take out the trash."

    Also, I kinda feel like, if she cheated, and we stayed together, that'd be justification for me to smash everything I ever come in contact with. It's like a lifetime hall pass.

    As I said before, marriage is complex and not everyone's marriage is the same. I think a lot of the folks who are commenting here are still young and not so jaded by the realities of life. The truth is, sometimes people just have understandings – like Will and Jada. It's not that their in relationships that are not monogamous, it's just that sometimes people have their own definitions of monogamy. So, what is acceptable, or maybe not acceptable, but understood, in some marriages is not acceptable or understood in others.

    If you are being approached or courted by a married person, you can never really know what's really going on inside their household so, the responsibility is on YOU to decide whether or not you can deal with being with someone who's already in a relationship. It's your responsibility to decide what's acceptable and what's not for yourself. Leaving the responsibility to the married person is a cop out and totally negates the idea that maybe their marriage is different. I think most people aren't really willing to deal with all the things that come with dealing with a married person so, I would suggest you all just avoid it all together. There really is no good that can come from infidelity.

    1. yeah regarding Will & Jada: its not cheating if its in the parameters of the agreement, IMO. Cheating is about the lie and the deceit. If its an acceptable behavior within the union, its not cheating.

      And like you said a lot of women are intrigued by the allure of it all, they take wanting something you can't have to the next level. Especially when its being presented to them that they very much CAN have it. For some, its all about decisions and being arrogant enough to think you won't have to pay the consequences. And some don't–some get and keep the man. Ehh, I don't know. I'm gonna avoid it if I can, personally.

    2. . Years later, after we’re supposedly past it she’d be like… “babe, can you take out the trash?” And I’d be like … “wount’ you tell that other n*gga to take out the trash.”

      *PushingUpDaisies*

      Letting Bygones be Bygones — ain't happening…

    3. This is the truth, and you said it much better than I ever could have.

      I was recently having a conversation with my husband where he told me that some good friends that have been married over 20 years are considering divorce. I said "what happened?" He said, "He cheated". I said, "Well it's not the first time and he knows that she (his wife) is the baddest bitch he'll ever get". Hubby said, "It's not about that and you know it". Yeah…I do know it. Marriage is deep, you'd have to experience it to really understand all of the LAYERS involved.

  24. Appreciate the comments so far SBM fam. Here's my preliminary thoughts…

    The comments on this site intrigue me. It seems like whenever we write a posts, it’s always the exception to the rule. The divorce rate in America is hovering at or near 50% and I read yesterday that 4 million people are in sex-less marriages (yes, I’ll be writing about that eventually). I imagine the divorce rate and sex-less-ness is somehow related to infidelity rates too but I guess yall wouldn’t know nothing about that.

    Interesting. Maybe I’m just a heathen. And all my friends are heathens too because what I hear, see and witness is a far cry from what I hear, see, and witness in the comments on a day to day basis.

    For example, I have a homeboy that teaches. Good looking guy. And he has rotated through more married women than women here that have admitted to being with married men or even, heaven forbid, cheated ever in life. Combined. I can also name two handfuls of women that have or are currently sleeping with married men. Again, I’m sure I know all the sinners in the world and everyone here is a upstanding, righteous, contributing member of society. I commend you.

    Anywho, I guess it’s only fair I answer my own questions at this point.

    Fellow single people, are you as responsible as the committed person to respect the boundaries of their relationship even if they do not?

    My answer is no. Stating that ‘cheating is wrong’ is obvious and we’re not little kids. Reiterating this known fact is redundant. However, the person in the relationship, in my opinion, is obligated to remain faithful, not me. You shouldn’t be trying to get at me if you’re in a relationship, period.

    As I’ve gotten older my appetite for drama has lessened so for the most part I’ll just move on because it makes my life easier, not because it’s a discussion of right vs. wrong BUT I will say if you don’t trust your girl, don’t leave her around me. I won’t try to take her from you but I’m not going to fight her off either. Gleam from that what you will.

    I always assume men will or are trying to f*ck my girl. Quite frankly, I wouldn’t want to be with a woman that other men didn’t find attractive. I would THINK I’ve made the right choice in the woman I’m with and she would resist this temptation. If I have chosen incorrectly, that’s as much a reflection of me as it is of her. I operate under the mindset that men are/will try to take my woman, married or not.

    Is it different if they’re in a relationship vs. married? Would you ever knowingly be with a married man/woman?

    To me, marriage is worse. I have been with a married woman, more than once. A lot of people brought up karma, which I don’t believe in so I have no comment. For the most part, I was younger and didn’t care because I was selfish.

    I will say that most of those married women, over time, attempted to use me as a pawn and I doubt I was the only man they did this with. Some told their husbands, some didn’t. In my opinion, they wanted some excitement in their life and I provided that. Some people thrive on drama.

    Let me put it like this, if a woman is a pitcher and she’s throwing it everywhere but over the plate, I’ll ignore it. I’m not known for my work ethic when it comes to pursuing sex. But if your girl, married or not, throws it over the plate, it might mess around and get knocked out the park. You need to address that with her, not me.

    If a married person approaches you are you obligated to tell their spouse?

    No. It's up to the cheater to tell, not I. With the caveat you’re not my friend. For the record, I’ve never been with or tried to even get with any of my boys girls. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for my boys or their girls.

    What will you do or did you do to ensure that your relationship or marriage is strong and established enough not to be infiltrated by the likes of a ‘Pimp C’?

    Choose my wife wisely. And then #YouGottaPray.

    1. WIM: "I have a homeboy that teaches. Good looking guy. And he has rotated through more married women than women here that have admitted to being with married men or even, heaven forbid, cheated ever in life."

      Seems to be common with teachers and post office workers! (no shots, just observations)

        1. @LaLa: I worked in the correctional system for a while, let me reiterate that for the hard to read, WORKED in the correctional system lol. At the time, the number one reason women Correctional Officers were released was yes, sleeping with the prisoners.

          When thug life goes wrong.

        2. @WIS

          LOL…definitely! I heard of CO's getting down w/ inmates…but never w/ each other. From what I understand, CO's aren't w/ in close proximity w/ one another often.

          I applied to be a CO and my boy (who is one) was like dont' fall victim. Mad women CO's get caught up. See the inmates coming out the shower, glistening or fresh off the yard, LMAO…I was like o_O

        3. I'd be concerned if my wife were a teacher, I hear so many stories about married, freaky teachers (and my parents both taught).

          LaLa you and I must work in different types of facilities cause errrryone is effin errrryone in all the spots I've worked at…it's the 24/7 thing, makes people comfortable, gives it a familial feel, you get off work at 10pm and tear the night up, drinks get consumed, draws go flying…

          I assume some of it is power based eroticism too in the guard/prisoner scenario.

          I once worked at a facility where one of the adult female staff was caught fellating a handicapped minor client. O_O Talk about daddy issues…

          I got more stories, but I'm stopping there…

        4. @Star

          I'm not "in" with the teacher crowd so I don't know…they may be getting down and dirty!

          And that's a damn shame the stories you just told…smh SICK!

        5. @Reecie NURSES! LAWD! If I were a man, getting a nurse would be on the bucket list for me, them heffas FREAK-EEE. I suppose it makes sense, they can't be squeamish about bodies or bodily functions, they've got access to psychotropic meds, and they have to be marginally intelligent…yeah, men, getchu a nurse.

        6. "yeah, men, getchu a nurse."

          Dont be sexist Star…. Women may do well in getting a nurse also. 🙂

        7. @ Star

          Would it be wrong if I wanted to hear more stories?

          **looks around and hopes I'm not the only one**

        8. @Star

          I dont know any 'murses' at all but I'm willing to bet that they would know their way…. down there. lol!

        9. Nurses (especially Nurse Booty MMMM) and teachers are a truly special breed and enjoy them thoroughly. Although, they DO tend to be a little unstable once you've become quite familiar with them.

        10. i'm a nurse… we may or may not know all bout the human body and has access to "medications" and possibly be freaks… but one can never be too sure lol

        11. lol, it'd have to be in a more private atmosphere, I'm not trying to get fired for storytime on the net…

    2. " But if your girl, married or not, throws it over the plate, it might mess around and get knocked out the park"

      Mane what! Call me Pedro Cerano!

      You know at least 50% of the people in staunch opposition have partaken at some point but evolved some BS justification for why THAT was different, right?

    3. I never lie in my responses but I'll say this: I do notice that ALOT of people comment with politically correct responses and how they would never do x.y, and z. I do notice that blogs are filled with exceptional people. 🙂 Like, VSB did a post on whether we (women) would mind if our man had a previous relationship with another man or if he was bi-sexual,etc. There were TONS of women saying they don't care, etc….like when in the history of n*ggadom do Black people not care about homosexual activity??? Yeah, I def side eye alot of comments on blogs.

      I think it's because many are caught up with "perception" and want to seem like they are so nice, cool, etc. When we look at our real thoughts, most of us are not saints nor are we politically correct.

    4. WIM,

      You said most of what I wanted to say.

      Now my views on marriage are skewed abit because I served time in the military and had to turn a blind eye to the rampant f*ckery, especially during deployment and TDY (TDY = Temporary Duty for a Year or as it is better known Temporary Divorce for a Year). Opened my eyes up to a lot and made me see how most people by their actions don't believe sh*t they said during their vows or whatever. As with most things be it laws, sins or whatever, it's pick and choose or shape it to meet my own philosophy.

      I always joke that I was going to get a dummy wedding ring to wear out because I've noticed that from what my married friends get thrown at them and the type of attention they get in public, it's a chick magnet! I mean I could hit a drought trying to be a decent and standards-having brotha and my married friends would be telling me about their new catch. If it ain't the catch, it's some chick on the job or wherever up in their face throwing puss at them. What's wild is attention from other women increases when you are involved with someone even on a superficial relationship level. So what is it about married men that has ALOT of women going crazy?

      1. @CPT: That's a good point and I forgot to bring that up. I stayed near a base for a while and a lot of people, sorry to say but this is my experience, get married for the benefits (and the guaranteed sex). It's not necessarily a life time partnership going in.

        I think anyone that lives near or on a base camp would have similar stories. Men and women deploy for months, if not years and in some cases the relationship didnt have a strong foundation to begin with or no foundation at all. Of course there is going to be amplified levels of f*ckery taking place.

        1. Man I used to live out by Riley. If you go out by the airfield you can see a parking lot full of smashed pre paid cells. Absolute hilarity!! How bout I got at a chick out that way and her response was "I have a husband and a girlfriend but i'll see what I can do".

      2. CPT Callamity: "I always joke that I was going to get a dummy wedding ring to wear out because I’ve noticed that from what my married friends get thrown at them and the type of attention they get in public, it’s a chick magnet!"

        Yep. You'll be doing all kinds of winning with a wedding ring on. I understand the philosophy that no woman wants a man no other woman wants, but it's funny how my married friends have women all over them.

        "Now my views on marriage are skewed abit because I served time in the military and had to turn a blind eye to the rampant f*ckery, especially during deployment and TDY (TDY = Temporary Duty for a Year or as it is better known Temporary Divorce for a Year)."

        And I forgot the military! Rampant f*ckery among teachers, post office workers, police and the military.

  25. I likely wouldn’t. Or maybe it is more accurate to say I haven’t.

    I had the opportunity on a few occasions. The first time I was in my mid-twenties. A married woman at the gym loved her some Hugh. She looked like a video girl. We flirted a bit, and any guy that works out knows how women at the gym can get quite liberal with touching a man’s body. Touching the arms, pecs, little compliments about your physique, before she gets comfortable doing it and then one day she's patting you on the butt. Her husband went out of town on business a lot, and she told me this often. One day, I guess she assumed I wasn’t getting the hint, so she told me to come over and she’d cook for me (with the husband and children not there of course).

    I can’t really hold it against anyone that slept someone who is married, because I came thisclose to doing it. I told her I would come over. Husband was out of town. Children were at the sitter’s. No one would find out. But something at the last moment told me not to. I was feeling guilty for even considering it. I told her I couldn’t.

    I understand how someone could get caught in a moment of weakness, but I realized I can’t. I was going to write about how I never would, and how people need to respect the sanctity of marriage (which we should), but I almost got caught up. This was a moment I had to stop for a second before getting on my high horse.

    1. "I told her I would come over. Husband was out of town."

      You decided to not follow thru but… NEVER DO IT IN THEIR SPACE!

      What if he had come home as a suprise?

      1. Thanks for the advice Kema! I'm new to the whole philandering thing, so I'll keep that in mind! Who said the game is not told?

        I should know better, I've listened to "A Story to Tell".

  26. Technically, no…as single people it's not our responsibility to honor a committment someone else made. However, it is my responsiblity to do what I know is the right thing to do…and sleeping with a married man ain't it. I believe in karma. And that's not something I'm trying to be held accountable for. I respect the institution of marriage…even though I'm not married.

    There may be some difference between being in a relationship vs. marriage, however it still sucks if you find out your partner was cheating on you. I don't want to cause hurt…especially if I can avoid it.

  27. You know how I know y'all lying because…

    1) Sexual Chemistry – people be lying… there's that guy who you have the best sexual chemistry with in the world. and when you want to get it done right you go to him. you rationalize it because you know it's just sex nothing more. that's cool just admit, n*ggas do it too. we just do it with multiple women, because if it was nothing more it could be done with anyone. the poon ain't got no face.

    2) Your first – that negro gonna get it until the Bills win the Super Bowl. he was the first one to figure out how to get it when it was most important that you keep it. you probably love him, he can smash until you're married and don't go out as much. that's cool just admit it, dudes do it too. only thing is, we know you got a man and we don't care. men don't turn down s*x on the reg. they look at their phone like… this is messed up. (TFLN (202): my apartment code is #459) They still beat tho.

    As a man, i'm telling you this, most men ain't going to ask you, do you have a boyfriend? That's one of the gheyest questions that you can ever ask a woman. And women are lying if they want something they want it. Their mothers teach them to go out and get what they want and that's what they do.

    Put it to you like this…

    A single guy, a dude with a girl and a dude that's married all standing next to each other in the club. The married guy got the best shot. 1) Women eat up what married men say because they must be right because they're married, 2) Women think that married guy ain't gonna try and f*ck them so they get comfortable around him, 3) They like flirting and they think that married guy ain't gonna try and f*ck them, 4) They can wear what they want and get drunk because they think that married guy ain't gonna try and f*ck them…

    5) That Married Dude has nothing to lose. He's already won the game. He can strike out all night long and still go home and win. You can never trust a person who ain't got nothing to lose.

    All i'm saying is if you've seen He's Not That Into You, if you get buck naked and get in the pool, you're getting f*cked, whether either one of us is married.

    1. Yeah I feel you fam, but I am saying it is a thing called self control. Tell you why if I was married, why I want mess around. My boy down in Charlotte got married to a bad chick, lawyer, and fine ass hell. Dude couldn't keep to himself, stepped out, and got a chick pregnant. Now I dont care how good the nookie is fam, child support scares me…My man giving this chick half his pay check just because he wanted to step out on his wife….See people allow lust and the physicall aspects of sex get the best of them, but from experience condoms are not 100% full proof…I am just saying each it's own, but stuff like child support will make me think twice about stepping out if I was married….

      1. F.UCK Self Control…

        I believe in Preventive Medicine, not wait until you are sick AND THEN get cured…

        If I am in a monogamous relationship… I cannot do "single" things… Because temptation is a B*tch…

        In order to carry on a monogamous relationship… part of the deal is that I have to change my lifestyle…

        Self control comes in when you are in a situation by HAPPENSTANCE… & you didn't plan for that to happen…

        95% of life is in your control… but that 5% IS A MOFO…

  28. I always find it interesting when issues that touch on morality are being discussed and people who admit to having faltered are applauded for their honesty, while those who profess a personal desire to uphold the morals in question are looked upon with serious doubt. There is a difference between saying that all adulterers are automatically going to hell, and saying that one has no desire to act as a facilitator in extra-marital activities. Why can't it be as simple as knowing the kind of marriage that one would want, and seeking to respect others' unions in a like fashion? And is it a sin to actually believe that marriage is a holy union and to want to respect it as such? It's like when sex is being discussed and a handful of people claim to be virgins. That most people are fornicating does not mean that everyone is, and people certainly have a right to their convictions. I don't know that people – with the exception of KYLE – were being particularly judgmental when stating their opinions, so I think it silly that so-called "PC" opinions are automatically dismissed or viewed with particular scepticism. Especially when the people stating them don't necessarily always go with the grain.

      1. Dr. J, she made some good points that I don't think was a direct reply to Sane but more of her own general thoughts.

        I feel the same way sometimes. If someone states their view on an issue or what they want for themselves, why do others take that as shade thrown at them if they have a different opinion? I see that alot. If I say I'm a one man woman…I'm not throwing shade at women who sleep around…I'm only speaking for ME.

        I think people get salty and criticize because they may feel insecure or some type of guilt. We all know what we do behind closed doors. We have to understand that not everyone is going to cosign and be like you. We all know right from wrong. At the same time no one is perfect but we have to understand. If I allow 5 ninjas to gang bang me, I may like it but I know that sh*t aint right. I'm not going to sit on a blog and start criticizing those who don't believe in my lifestyle.

        @Najja

        I dapped Sane because she was real about her experience and recognized how it made her feel or what was wrong with it. She didn't come out and say "Yeah I sleep with married men and so what?!" I don't like people for being perfect. I like people who are honest and insightful.

        1. I also did not necessarily take it as a response to me, but more so specifically those that both applauded my honesty and those that were calling out that that there was a likelihood that not everybody was being honest.

          As far as the latter, this isn't the first post on here about extra-marital activities and there was also one on 3ways (which had a lot of similar commenters) where there were quite a few more people coming forth about those activities. That was my primary reason for thinking that at least one person not being truthful. Even if that is not true, I still maintain that a chunk of those people saying they would NEVER, really don't know how they'd act under the "right" (emotional, drunk or whatever) circumstances and in that situation.

          As for why people may feel shade is being thrown, it's possibly because not all comments simply state "I would never do this and this is why….". A lot go further to "condemn" those that do. Like the several posts that use the words "shady", "home-wrecker" (I'm sorry, but is it really a home if it's at that point? If so, who is really the one wrecking it?) and several other sharp words to refer to those that have faltered. I can't say that any of these felt particularly offensive or hurtful to me, because how can I get upset at someone judging me if I've said and thought the very same things about myself. However, it does come across slightly judgemental. To be honest, this isn't the first topic that those kind of comments have come up on.

          For instance SFG, in this comment "If I allow 5 ninjas to gang bang me, I may like it but I know that sh*t aint right." I just don't feel it's our place to judge whether it's right or not. More sugar could have been put on this statement by just adding "I know it ain't right… for me". You know I luvs ya as much as Dreamworks hates Pixar, but I do feel like just because you may not agree/believe/do/think/feel like someone else doesn't mean that they are wrong (and hells naw, I'm not saying what I did was right in any way). I'm just speaking generally and not necessarily only to you.

          *hopes this came out the way I intended* also *hopes I never write this much on here again*

        2. Thank you ladies, and especially Sane for realizing that I wasn't trying to get at anyone on the sly. I was rushing to post on my phone before my lunchtime was up, but I wouldn't have said anything differently even if I had more time. Nonsense games are not my thing, and I will reply however I see fit.

          @ SFG: No doubt. I appreciate her honesty as well; it was exactly as you said in that my comment was a general observation.

          @ Sane: I read through some comments a little more thoroughly and did notice some other ones that were more judgmental in tone. I'm of two minds when it comes to this kind of thing. On the one hand, I have my own views on right and wrong but I don't look at people with daggers in my eyes when their lifestyle contradicts certain aspects of my moral code. I'm nonchalant to a fault. On the other, I think people have a right to their convictions, and to feel strongly about them. You say it is not for us to judge what is right & what is wrong, but most people have a natural tendency to do so.

          As far as saying "never" is concerned..that's partly why I usually don't. There was a time the thought of performing oral sex was disgusting to me (and there was a certain stigma associated with it as well), but thankfully I didn't say the N word, because I'd've eventually made a fool out of myself. As my wording suggested, I have personal reasons for saying it in this instance. Sometimes, I have to take a mental stand against something, because if I give myself the slightest lee-way, I'll be fighting a losing battle. It could start with me saying that there's a possibility that I could get involved with a married man, and end with me disregarding my previous stance on the issue and being somewhat intimate (not necessarily sex) with an ex who is currently in a relationship. That said, when it comes down to it, I know that all of us are capable of a lot. I don't get into fights, but I'm certainly capable of beating the crap out of someone if provoked. If it makes WIS and others happy, I'm capable of sleeping with a married man. I just know that it's not something I want, and it's something I'll do my damnedest to prevent. And although I'm willing to admit that much, a lot of people who are adamant that it will never happen actually believe that they are not capable of doing it. Of course, that's when they open themselves to situations that will be conducive to that very thing. Nonetheless, I wouldn't be quick to call someone a liar if they legitimately believe that cheating or adultery is something they wouldn't ever be involved in.

          Yes, there are liars, but it eventually gets annoying when everyone who says the "right" things is almost automatically regarded as such. "Oh, look, more than 6 people agree that "X" is wrong…with their lying asses". Um, ok.

    1. You raise a good point. However, when I saw (initially, the comments have become more balanced as the day wore on) everyone shaking their heads and wagging their fingers about what they would never do and how they didnt know anyone who ever would, even as far as simple cheating outside of marriage in some cases, I had to call BS. I still call BS.

      BUT as I said in my more long-winded comment, perhaps the comments, readers, and lurkers of SBM are the standard of society that we should all attempt to emulate and that would explain why every post we write about on sensitive topics has 99.9% morally upstanding citizenry.

      Again, I commend you all.

    2. I understand & hear you Ms. Sweets… I really do…

      But (situationally) morally upstanding people have taken on the reputation all on their own… Real Talk… They deserve to be looked upon with a little skepticism… If they believe what they believe & STAND by those beliefs… Their shouldn't be a problem…

      They only have themselves & GOD to look at, at the end of the day… not MY judgemental As$

      I believe in people until they expose themselves…

      I like to be on the innocent until proven guilty track… with a probation period within the first couple of months…

      KYLE was out of order… PERIOD…

  29. Fellow single people, are you as responsible as the committed person to respect the boundaries of their relationship even if they do not?

    Of course not.

    Is it different if they’re in a relationship vs. married?

    No. I avoid women who are getting close while their in any type of relationship. Too much drama can go down. I've seen it happen too many times.

    Would you ever knowingly be with a married man/woman?

    — Jumps on my high horse —

    No. Once a woman gave me a serious offer. Told me her husband's schedule etc. It's not my style. WIM's reason is karma. My reason is safety. I don't trust people who can't be trusted by the people closest to them. I feel like it'll be a set up to rob/scam and kill me. People Do do that you know… Scam artists work in teams. Call it unsubstantiated or whatever. Call me a liar. Whenever someone I know goes through with it, it's ALWAYS not worth it. Well, maybe it's not worth it…

    If a married person approaches you are you obligated to tell their spouse?

    If I don't know the person, No. If its a married friend that's approaching me, No. If it's a the wife of a friend, that's a difficult question. I actually asked myself that question a few weeks ago. I think about that and similar situations whenever I'm doing my periodic friend evaluation. Would I tell either of my closest homie's if their wife try to holla at me? Both of them have children with their wives. I came up with the general answer YES.

    What will you do or did you do to ensure that your relationship or marriage is strong and established enough not to be infiltrated by the likes of a ‘Pimp C’?
    Man. All I can do is my best and hopefully choose the right woman. There's no point in living in fear.

    I have this friend (lady) that was (probably still is) messing around with this engaged dude. It's funny, as a friend, i made it clear that I didn't agree to this situation. In fact, I told her what was going to happen. All what I said came to past. She claimed initially she wasn't going to turn into THAT woman. You know that woman that's almost begging a guy to leave their fiance or wife for them. Of course, homie wasn't hearing that. She was broken hearted. 8 months that's been going on. After for so long, I wanted to analyze WHY she would want to mess with him and from it what seemed, knowingly walk into a situation that would hurt her. Well, it's nothing about the guy himself. It was because she was afraid of commitment. She was willing to put herself in a emotionally compromising situation because she knew it would deter herself from actually having a committed relationship with him (or any other guy). Note that he was the only person she dated at that time. But the presence on another woman gave her a sort of safety net in her psyche saying 'It's not that serious thus I don't have to commit, whew.' Even though emotionally, it WAS that serious. Even if he would've left his fiance, she would've used to reasoning of "I can't trust someone who cheated on their fiance with me" to avoid commitment with him. She doesn't mind the rules, hurt, etc as along as it doesn't lead to her actively, explicitly committing. She was just scared of actually having to take a relationship seriously. Not saying that all people do it for those internal reasons. I just found it interesting that people would rather commit passively than actively and pretend it's not commitment. The moral of the story is that she was committed enough to him to push him to dump his fiance, date and have sex only with him, fall in love with him, verbally admit to being his girlfriend when their together, cook for him, massage his feet, buy him gifts, etc… But just needed to be able to SAY they're not in a committed relationship an it be true. Just saying…

    P.S. She says it wasn't worth it.

  30. "What I’m wondering is, what are my responsibilities in this situation? I mean, I’m not the one that took the vows but am I still obligated to respect them?"

    I don't think you are responsible to respect the vows that other people took, but you are responsible for your own self respect and dignity. I just don't think there is anything positive that could come out of it for you (other than getting off). You have to have enough respect for yourself than to be someone's "secret" or "side person". Even if you are not interested in being in a committed relationship there are many other real single people out there that you could get with.

    In my younger days, I have had one experience with messing with a guy who was married and had no intention of leaving his wife. We didn't actually get it in, but we did most everything else. I got to a point where I began to feel like i was cheapening myself and I also felt guilty that his wife had no idea. They had kids and I was not prepared to be the reason to break up their marriage should she ever find out. I would think that if he was out folling around that there were issues and/or things lacking in their marriage in the first place but that was them to sort out and whether i was or wasn't gettin it on with him was not going to change the outcome of their union.

    I have also been on the other side…my ex cheated on me. I was devestated to say the least and needless to say it was the end of our relationship.

    Here's my thoughts….if people want to cheat, then why be pretend to be involved in a "committed" relationship or marriage while lying to the person you claim to love. I mean there are plenty of people out there – men and women – who don't want the committment and are cool with just hooking up. Or, if you are in a relationship/marriage and things are not great….work on fixing the issues rather than creepin! Because know this….as bad as you think it is, your girlfriend/wifey/boyfriend/hubby is most probably not that happy witht he way things are either, and would you want her to be out doing the same thing?

    I guess it's all a personal choice of how you view committment and the relationships you are in…but to me, i think it is whether or not you believe you deserve better than to be someone else's "hook up" that will most likey never be anything more than that!!

  31. Although I don't want to call specific people out (Don't Push Me {50 Cent [feat. Lloyd Banks & Eminem]})

    I do NOT like people with (Bullsh*t) Morals who look down on other people because their thoughts & actions do not comply with what they believe in… & the shaming tactics these "Self-Righteous" people use…

    Everybody is as moral as their situation… (Situational Morality)… It is easy to to be a Morally upstanding citizen when you have money in your pocket… But what if you don't…?

    It is easy to be Morally upstanding when people are watching… But what about when the spotlight/limelight is ELSEWHERE… #CmonSon…

    It is easy to come up on a blogpost & spew your (Bullsh*t) morals… But real talk… I believe I am one of the very few humans who can get on a Reality TV show Tonight… And not a D*MN thing I stated on these eStreetz(Talk) will be proven FALSE…

    #RealTalk…

  32. This is a late response because I've been reading all the comments and thinking about this issue day. I don't believe in coincidences so the post was pretty timely.

    Some people may want to gather pebbles to throw but it won't matter since my own conscience has been working overtime..

    I was married for several years; we were together almost 15 years. In that time, I never looked at another man except the man by my side. Ever. I adored him, loved him fiercely, so when he admitted he had been cheating, my world slipped out from me. She was pregnant and after we tried tirelessly to figure out what to do, we divorced 5 years later. Turns out he was cheating with her as well while we were trying to have children. Crap, I'm crying. (Please bill me for e-therapy later).

    I agree with the other commenters in that this was an issue that had to do more with him, and less with her. And although its easy to say it was his fault, there were two of us in the marriage. I have to take ownership for my part. At the time, I could never fathom what went through her head – who would knowingly be with a married man?

    Now, years later, I am learning what it is like. I'm struggling with my feelings for a married friend. We have been together too long for this to be a dalliance and despite what I foolishly believed at the onset about keeping feelings in check, I have fallen – I mean, I fallen hard- for a man who is married.

    I type none of this lightly. I am struggling with the irony of this situtation which has taught me more about empathy and shoe-on-other-foot syndrome. But I apprecciate all the comments I read today – I needed to see this post today.

    1. My situation is eerily similar to yours. Married (for only 2 years, but together 5) and he ended up cheating (she ended up pregnant a month after out split. The 3 year "relationship" I had with the married guy (that I also fell hard for) came AFTER I had been cheated on. I could list all the circumstances that led to that situation, but it may all come across as excuses any way, so I won't.

      My advice to you is to walk away. I am 99% sure this situation will end up with you heartbroken anyways, so the only difference in being the one to walk away is that you will a) save yourself a lot of time and b) can at least have the consolation that you ultimately did the right thing for yourself and your dignity and on your terms. I didn't walk away until the last straw had been piled on, and I really, really wish I had. I ended my situation, not because it was the right thing to do, but because it was beyond time to. I wish more than anything that I had done it for the right reasons a lot earlier.

      Of course, all of this is easy to say and a hell of a lot harder to do. I promise you that all the strength (and pain) it takes to do this is worth it.

  33. Ah, Sane, your story has just confirmed my suspicion that God works in not-so-mysterious ways. Sometimes the writing is really on the wall.

    Thanks so much.

  34. I must admit I’ve been a lurker since last September, and really enjoy the posts and commentary. So first off, let me say that I am responsible for my actions, not for the actions of others. With that being said, I hold myself responsible for respecting the boundaries of a relationship, be it marriage or “boyfriend/girlfriend.” I would not knowingly engage with a married man due to my believing in the Word of God (Bible), and my moral upbringing. If a married man approached me, unless I personally knew his spouse, i.e. she is a friend (not acquaintance); I would not feel obligated to make his spouse aware of his actions (I’ve seen other women, be the “good friend” and tell the friend that her husband was tryin to holla, and it turned out ALL BAD!). I am not married yet, but I will have what I call an open door policy . . . If he ( my husband) ever gets disinterested, or feels that something else out there is better than what he has at home with me, by all means baby, go and get that something else. I want to be in a relationship where I’m celebrated not tolerated, and do not want anyone to stay in a marriage with me who doesn’t want to be there.

    “Therefore, I will admit, as a single man, I do believe it’s up to the woman to determine if relations will or will not be had; especially, if she’s married. I believe this because men are simple and opportunistic.”

    I’m in total agreement. As a single woman I try to be as aware as possible when having conversations with married men or men who are in relationships (this is when I have knowledge of said relationship). I am a very friendly person and tend to smile a lot, and that has often been taken as a green light for those of the opposite sex to approach me, married or in a relationship. I still do me regardless, (smile and say hello when spoken to) but I make sure to discern the signals being given out. It‘s a hit or miss thing but usually I’m on point. Good post!

  35. If the person approaching you is in a relationship or married, they should be off limits. There's no way around that for me. Someone stated earlier that they didn't need that type of karma is their life and I wholeheartedly agree. Also, I believe a lot of women go after the female once finding out her man has cheated because she assumes the woman already knew of his relationship with her. We all know at least one chick who gets her kicks pushing up on somebody else's man to prove some imaginary point to his girl. lol

  36. I was going to write a long entry justifying my "squeeky clean image" and PC comment, but f*ck it. I think cheating is wrong, and while I understand the relationship might be bad etc. you have to have balls to end it before looking for someone else. That's what it's about a lot of the time. You know your relationship isn't going anywhere, but you're just not ready to let it go yet… so you cheat. It's cowardly. As for whether or not single people should be held as accountable as the cheater, hell no. BUT they're still in the wrong. I wouldn't want someone else's leftovers. And I have far too much empathy to ever cheat, knowing how devastating it would be for me if I got cheated on.

    But I try not to judge. Not anymore, not after my sister gave me a lecture a couple years back on how things aren't always black-and-white and how I don't always have the answers to everything. I understand most people have different life experiences than me, and maybe even different moral codes than me. Something I do may be equally unacceptable to them. I haven't turned my back on friends who have cheated on their spouses, nor to friends who have been "the other woman". That doesn't mean they don't know I don't accept it, it just means I'm going to be there for them.

    1. I 100% agree with this comment. It's funny that I'm seeing this post today b/c I JUST had this conversation yesterday w/a gentleman who is interested in having a situation with me, but he's in a relationship. My response to him was "I'm not interested b/c whether you respect your relationship or not, i do…."

      Although the relationship is his, and not mine, I still feel I owe the relationship respect. That could be because I've been heavily cheated on during a point in life where I needed my ex the most, or maybe it's because I've played Ms. Second Place before, and realized my conscience just is NOT okay with that, and I know my self worth. Whatever the reason, I feel like the saying, "you reap what you so" is in effect for all participants. If I'm out here all willy nilly not givin a heck about the next lady's situation I have to pay for that. It's one thing to unknowingly knock boots with someone who is spoken for, but its a whole diff ball game when the facts are there, and are ignored or brushed off.

      There comes a point when one has to realize the bigger picture, and the bigger picture is…if a person's partner finds out his/her partner is cheating, and that marriage/relationship is broken up YOU ARE NOW A HOMEWRECKER…and IDK why anyone would feel okay knowing he/she broke up a happy home.

  37. Kyle, whatever message you're attempting to convey at this ridiculous hour is getting lost in the delivery. The bitterness and anger is positively leaing out through every letter. I don't know if you're a woman scorned, the product of a broken home where your pops left for another woman, or you're simply Sarah Palin but I'm sorry, I wasn't the one that hurt you.

    The fact is you know nothing about me or his wife. You don't know if she had attempted to murder him in his sleep repeatedly for years (she didn't). You don't know if she had shot his mother in the butt rendering her unable to sit ever again (she didn't). You damn sure don't know if they married for navy benefits and she was seeing someone else as well (she was). I'm not covering what I did with my good deeds, as I plainly laid it out there for all to see and said more than once how wrong I was. Now if you want to compare my admittadly despicable act with murder, so be it. I can't blame you for judging me. At the end of the day, the only forgiveness I need is from God and the woman I wronged. Luckily, she was both classy and understanding enough to give me that forgiveness.

    As I sit here getting email after email of your comments, I'm thinking to myself how you have nothing better to do than comment late Saturday/early Sunday. Then I realized I'm sitting on my phone doing the same damn thing when I have to be up in 4 hrs. I guess I shouldn't be so quick to judge. Thanks for taking the time to come and remind me of what a cretin I am. I'll think of your posts the next time I stop feeling guilty for a second and all will be right in the world. 🙂

    1. Hahaha.. Awwww, I'm just bashing you for no reason. Jobless Kyle. We all are imperfect, so are you. Happy SUNDAYYY!!!!! 🙂

      And I'm not from a broken home, neither am I a scorned woman/man. I just love being an e-thug sometimes… Yale dumbed down my hyper-activity, which I'm trying to resurrect.

  38. It happened to me, I was cheated on. Tho my husbamd wud dusagree, and I must admit, so does the scorpio in me. Im a pices scorpio my husband a , a scorpio. But our marriage was rky and we were separated. HeBitches thnk thy can calculate the end but how u caych thm is how you lise them. The woman was trynna reap my benigits of hard work. he really thoght "ths time was it and the btch thot her ties to his fam gav her a real in. the thing is, if your martiage has issies, eventually some1 is stepping out. The test is how strong is the love after the infedelity and y did he cheat. We reunited and still cudnt see eye2 eye, 1yr later we both had eyes for other ppl but I cudnt be intimatly involved w ny1. I wud just laugh @men uncontrllably and ended alot of dates badly .
    .no call backs…lol. He was intimate as men odten are bt he's a clean scorp funny bout his stuff. He ruined his.bb own relationship, lukin for me in her. He found that there was no one else for him n I discovered the same. After all the years luvin hard and fighten hrd the lov outweighed the anger and we reconciled. Our love of Yah outweighed everything and the women didnt gain my husband bcuz he was never thiers by divine rite
    .

  39. Ive been in the situation where i was attracted to this guy who was married and he told me the wife used him for his money and that they were separated, so at the time i thought it was fine. Let me sqay it was all a lie. Now looking back on the situation and being alot wiser i would never mess with someone who is married or in a relationship.

    i dont think anyone should take it upon themselves to find ssaid persons spouse to inform them of said cheating. NOT YOUR BUSINESS! But if the spouse if a friend or family member then it kind of becomes your responsiblity.

    What will you do or did you do to ensure that your relationship or marriage is strong and established enough not to be infiltrated by the likes of a ‘Pimp C’?

    I dont think there is anything you or i could do but to give that our SO 100% and its up to them whether that is good enough or they can be greedy.

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