Home Featured Debunking the Myths of Manliness

Debunking the Myths of Manliness


Hello ladies. I'm a man. A very marvelous man.

My name is Slim Jackson and I’m a man. I burp, lean to the left and cut the cheese, play sports, cook steaks, assert my manliness by inserting my manliness into (attractive) members of the opposite sex, and I swear. When disrespected, my testosterone and ego sometimes get the best of me and I end up going Hulk. I even once suplexed a man into oncoming traffic because he bumped into my shoulder when he was walking his poodle. I also hold open doors for women, listen well, and get teary-eyed when I watch shows like Undercover Boss and Intervention. I do not, however, own a snuggie.

A lot of things that men do are often attributed to their chromosome makeup. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard someone use “Because I’m a grown ass man” as an excuse for why they did or didn’t do something. We’ll also engage in a lot of dumb sh*t just to prove that we’re 100% testosterone and to avoid being called effeminate or catching the ATL side-eye. I mean…women like manly men. I get it. The thing that trips me out is that I can ask 10 different chicks how they would define manliness and I’m likely to hear something about taking charge, their back breakability quotient, and not b*tching up and sobbing like someone ate his porridge.

There are a few myths out there about certain actions and behaviors that take away from a man’s liness and put him in the less than humpable category for the women that seek shaft. You damn right. I’d like to think that I’m a bit of a myth buster. And with that being the case, I wanted to debunk a few of them –partially just by existing– and offer some advice to the lads out there that are risking injury and their lives just to prove their men. Don’t get it twisted though. When it comes to basketball or thronxing, I play through the pain. There’s is no coming out of the game unless I..well…came.

Men who get manicures and pedicures are metrosexual and possibly eating pillow.

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The only feathers I’ve tasted are the ones on the hood chinese food spot’s fried chicken. Manicures and pedicures are a semi-regular thing for me. Sometimes clipping the nails and putting lotion on the appendages isn’t enough. I see nothing wrong with paying attention to the details. I don’t look like a model so best believe I’m going to do everything in my power to maximize my attractiveness. For me, that includes having nice hands and feet. The smallest detail could be the difference between “Yeah, I’d love to go out with you this weekend” and “I have a boyfriend.”

Men that aren’t good with tools are flimsy.

Aside from the one that I was born with, I’m not smooth with tools. I hate drilling (not the fun kind), nailing, hammering, painting, and assembling. Why would I do something that I can pay someone else to do if it’ll make my life easier? Yeah, I could change this tire on the side of the highway with oncoming traffic, but I’ma call AAA and not die. Thanks. However, if a woman asks me to come over and help her assemble her living room set from Ikea and more importantly her bed, I will do it. It’s in my best interest because men like sex. Assembling her bed may increase the likelihood of me getting into it and disassembling her bra strap.

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The Magnum makes the man.

You probably think I’m going to talk about Python Jackson. I’m not. This is actually for the idiot guys who go out and buy magnums when they’re average or need a snug fit. There are few things that are more embarrassing or costly than getting in bed with a chick and having on a baggy condom. How do I know this? It’s simple. Women will talk about bad d*cketry. It’s amazing what you learn when drinking and playing spades. So yeah, don’t be buying Magnums just to impress chicks and raise your inner-man when you know that a pencil is a lot different than a permanent marker. Nothing good will come from it. Did you see what I did there? Did you see it?

Men should only cry at funerals and when they get divorced and she takes half.

There’s a difference between being a b*tch ass negroid and having a full range of emotions. I’ve noticed that as I’ve gotten older I’ve become more sympathetic and in tune with mine and others (Yeah, I know. That’s some real Pisces ish). When I’m watching some heartwarming story or see something moving, I may get a little glassy-eyed. Sh*t, I cried when Barack won the election. It wasn’t so much that we had a black president as it was the fact that my dad, who was born in 1938 in the deep south, wasn’t alive to see it. I also think that this “men shouldn’t cry” business stunts emotional growth and the ability to communicate feelings. I know that I’ve purposely not shared things bothering me at my core simply because I knew what would come with it. I did more damage to myself than anything else. Go ahead man, cry. Just don’t be sobbing because you stubbed your toe.

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Wrap It Up

Yeah, I was thinking the same. These are just a few of the things I hear about manliness. What comes to mind for you when you think of what a man should and shouldn’t do? Do you agree or disagree with any of the above? Under what circumstances do you think it’s cool for dude to cry?

I keep telling you. Don’t call me emo,


  1. I agree with all of your points, especially the one regarding the full range of emotions. I've met so many men who think crying, or showing disappointment/sadness is not manly. That only women get emotional. I had a friend who would say things like that, but then didn't understand why his lady didn't support him when he was emotional, or wanted to express these feeling to her. I think a lot of women think of such a man as being b*tchmade or some other sexist colloquialism, because men think showing such emotions is what women do. You teach people how to treat you., So if you're always talking some macho nonsense, don't be surprised when its used against you.

    As for what a man should do, he should be himself, and express himself in whatever manner is best for him. I think a lot of men get wrapped up in what others say they should do or should be, that they lose themselves in trying to be something they're not. This happens with women too, but we're not talking about us today. men have to start by being themselves, not what media, social media, etc., says they should be. Define yourself for yourself, and go from there.

    I think its cool for a man to cry when he feels the emotions to do such. Whether its your grandpa's funeral, or your homie's wedding, or even a hardcore episode of #SVU, its better to deal with your feelings head on than to keep them bottled in on some "I'm a grown a$$ man" BS. Granted, I wouldn't expect a man to cry at any random tv show, but when you are moved emotionally, allow yourself to be moved. It will be better for you and the people you love in the long run.

    1. and let's not forget…anger is an emotion too. Men that claim stoicism steady blow up. *taps The Hulk on the big green shoulder* um, sir, that was an emotion. Let's work on expressing those feelings healthily next time. *smh* Standing here in your ragged purple pants…can we talk about that?

    2. "I think a lot of men get wrapped up in what others say they should do or should be, that they lose themselves in trying to be something they’re not. "


    3. "I’m a grown a$$ man” BS"

      I thought I was the only one who thought that that saying was pure crap. A grown man (or woman) doesn't need to announce that they're grown, your actions should already display that.

    4. 'So if you’re always talking some macho nonsense, don’t be surprised when its used against you.'

      U taught my dumb ass something today.

  2. Liking the layout of the site. Y'all gettin' all fancy. I agree with the list, but as far as what men shouldn't do…. hmmm.

    Ordering an appletini

    Watching anything on Lifetime Movie Network

    Go underwear shopping with your boys (friends not your actual children)

    Call another grown @ss man "Delicious"

    That's what I've got for now. But I need sleep. Maybe more later.

    PS: Happy SBM was able to represent at #ThreeDeez on Saturday.

    1. When we we're looking at templates for the redesign, there was one call Delicious. It was not an option just for that reason. But yeah man, it was cool to meet folks this weekend in DC. Had a really good time.

      Wait, do dudes actually go underwear shopping? I know I make boxer runs…ehh, let me reword that cuz it sounds like skids.

      I go out and cop boxers but can't see being like yo, I'm bout to holler at these hanes. You tryna roll?

      1. My homie goes underwear shopping online. I find men who are well-endowed shop for underwear in a similar fashion as women with big butts. Not all underwear are made equal. However, no, he does not go out with the homies, and go underwear shopping. lol. That would be a little weird.

      2. LOL. Yes a LOT gay. I don't necessarily know of guys that do this. I was just playing off of things women do that [straight] men never will. Like underwear shopping with their girls, dressing up opposite sex clothing, etc.

  3. Who redecorated? When all this happened? How long have I been gone?

    Umm, so the post, yeah. You almost lost me with the mani pedi b/c I don't, but then I'm, super ticklish (the feet, not the hands). But hey as the mysterious "they" say, do you!

    1. Yeah, a lot of women get lost with the men getting manicures/pedicures. I expected it.lol. It's actually an interesting discussion each and every time I have it. Point of clarification, nobody will ever see a picture of me sitting in that chair drinking tea while some Asian woman handles my feet.

  4. Love the redesign!

    I'm not handy at all. Hell my hands are softer than some females I've come across. I will tell people that I dont do labor. I know my way around a toolset but there are people much more qualified to do the job than I am.

  5. Look at SBM all sexified and ish…good look fellas.

    But um, can you say ALLATHIS again please? You're right that we all have different definitions of what it is to be "a man" but one of the most important factors for me is that he's secure in himself, which encompasses all of this. I notice a dude that takes care of himself, a dude that can say "nope, I'm not Mr FixIt, but I can sure get that taken care of for you" and thing is, even if it's not my cup of tea, like the super high fashion dudes, pushing envelopes and wearing paisley socks and ish, I respect them as a man for saying "eff you if you don't like my man capris, these are hot in Paris". Cool. Not for me, but if you like it, I love it. Do you Mr. Beckford.

    Good post, awesome to meet ya'll! 🙂

    1. Yeah, while we were having a ball in DC this was being done behind the scenes. The timing worked out perfectly on the redesign. Glad you like that girl. Glad you like that.

      Man capris…yeah that wouldn't even look right on my body. So that's an auto no-sign.

      1. My great guy friend at work who's always dressED tried to pull of the man capri thing…I gave him my side eye and clowned him, but I respect his gangsta.

        1. Someone I know in another forum allowed himself to be photographed in some denim capris and white sandals [mandals?]. And now, whenever he says something out of place they post that pic to shut his azz up. :0]

    2. I can't stand man-capris and always side-eye the dude rocking them. It's not so much about manliness for me as it is about an exercise in poor judgment lol.

    3. Whoa. Man capris? I saw a guy in one where it was "shredded" at the bottom…along with suspender o_O. He looked like a scarecrow. *The Wiz*

      SN: I just tweeted that Im hating (and slightly jealous) of anyone that is talking about the brunch in DC. Im kicking myself for missing it :-(. That just mean you guys have to come back soon 🙂

  6. I'm gonna hate myself when I get up later this morning but anyway…
    This post cracked me up. I see no problem with a man getting their hands and feet groomed especially if they're planning on touching me with them. I also found it to be a nice thing to do for a man too.
    Crying is normal as long as its not on some crazy shit. Im not completely positive but I think I'd take a tear squirt over a whiner. As for being handy, that's great if I owned a house but since I don't my only real requirement is that you kill that occasional waterbug with your shoe not mine and please don't be scared of a mouse more than me

  7. I don’t date “manly men” because they remind me of robots. Responsible, honest and communicative…These are the delights that make a man a ”man”. I am very much attracted to men who cook, clean, show affection, nurture and communicate effectively. It is possible for a man to be in tune with his feminine side without compromising his masculinity. I’m in tune with my masculine side and I don’t compromise my femininity while doing so. The examples you gave above are reasons why I ignore most myths assigned to men. Crying is healthy and acceptable in my book. Those salty drops falling from our eyes are the body’s way of releasing toxins or overwhelming pressure. People who don’t cry have issues because those emotions stay bottled up, which then creates an emotional explosion when the pressure reaches its max. As a tomboy, I’ve never really let gender roles faze me. Most of it is socially constructed and I don’t see any of it defining my life…I just let it do what it do.

    1. You know, I always hear talk about men getting in touch with their feminine side, but never women getting in touch with their masculine side. What exactly does that mean for you? Curious.

      1. Hey Slim,

        Getting in touch with my masculine side…

        Well, let me start off by saying it’s something that comes naturally and I’m certain that it’s part of my genetic make-up. I love watching and playing sports (mainly contact sports). I was a die hard Cowboys fan from the age of 7-11 and my favorite player was Deion Sanders. I had his jersey and shoes and I dressed up as Deion Sanders for Halloween when I was 9 years old. Lol.

        I usually buy sneakers from the boy’s/men’s department because I like the fit and style of their shoes. My favorite colors are green, blue, black and red…Jordan’s in the women’s department have pink or purple and I don’t like the way they feel when I’m playing basketball.

        I like to fix things and problem solve. I’ll fix objects when they break and I’ll offer solutions/advice when my friends are going through emotional/mental turmoil. It’s difficult for me to listen to someone vent when I know there’s a solution to the problem. 9 times out of 10, I will fix a situation (if it’s fixable), instead of sitting in silence.

        I’m more logical and rational than I am emotional. Many women seem to be guided by their heart and emotions (especially in romantic relationships). Common sense triumphs all illogical and irrational decisions in my life. I’m also not an easy crier. I cried when my mom died, when I had surgery on my eye, when I saw the images of the earthquake in Haiti and (most recently) when I was furious and wanted to knock the ish out of someone.

        I stay away from chick flicks and romance novels. I remember when my friend insisted I watch The Notebook because it was the “best romantic film ever made”. I fell asleep 30 minutes into the film and my friend had to rewind it. I still don’t exactly know what that movie is about because it was well…boring! Romance novels do nothing for me because I am a realist. My imagination can only be stretched so far before I start calling bs.

        None of these masculine characteristics take away from the fact that I like to wear dangly earrings, lip gloss, scented lotion/body spray, halter tops, tight jeans, flip-flop sandals and heels. I also enjoy cooking, cleaning, dancing, shopping, being around children and being around animals.

        Hopefully this makes sense to you. If not, feel free to ask for clarification again.

  8. I agree with everything except for, not being handy with tools. My dad and step-dad can fix almost everything (except for electronics) and I kinda expect it in men. If you can't fix stuff I don't question your manliness but its kinda disappointing.

    What will make me give you the side-eye?

    when men are hella scared of bugs

    men that stick their pinkies out while drinking… especially if its adorned with a ring

    men with shiny lips

    men that complain too much

    P.S. I love the revamp! 😀

    1. LOL @ men with shiny lips. yes. your lipgloss will never ever be popping more than mine or we can only be girlfriends. lol

    2. lmao @ shiny lips. I thought I was the only one that noticed this faux pas. Like muze said, your lipgloss really shouldnt be glossier than mine. Lawrence on Real Houswives of ATL may get away with it, but not, for example, Peter.

  9. Niiiiiice new digs, ya'll! And it was so great to meet ya'll!

    And ya know, I ain't gonna question yo manhood if you cry at something like the opening montage in "Up" or — SPOILER ALERT — when Mufasa died in "The Lion King." I'd actually think it was cute. Just throw in a "um, my allergies ackin' up, yo" joke in there to man it up a bit… 😉

    1. I watched Up with a 70+ year old man and he kept saying in shock "this is for children??". It was sad as all get out, no doubt.

    2. I almost lost it during Toy Story 3 and admit that openly in public.


      1. YES. I had to take off my 3D glasses because the tears were drowning my eyes, foggy-ing up my glasses, which made the movie… um… No-D or something. lol

  10. I like this new layout. A lot. And your list is cute.

    Manly manis and pedis? I'm for it. Keep your hands & foots together. I'm not mat atcha at all!

    Good with tools? Lol I'll be honest. I'll definitely tease you a bit about not knowing how to use drills nshit. Only because I'm nice with them. Why hire someone else when you can ask Suki Ms. Fix It? (I was a construction worker for Halloween in 2009. Owww) If you're not good with tools, I'll definitely giggle – like I said. But maybe I can teach you. 😉

    Ugh. Just buy your RIGHT SIZE when it comes to the raincoats. Baggy rubbers aren't cute, right?

    Men who don't cry, I worry about.

    P.S. Half pouting I couldn't be there this weekend…

  11. i feel you on the hulk tip man…i been there before, and it takes a lot to get me there…

    but yeah, i don't cry, i do what it do on the tool tips (i aint' bob villa though) and i will not be caught at a nail shop (unless i have more drugs in my system than a major league baseball team)

    but the biggest part of 'masculinity' is that the man himself, has to define for himself, what it means to be a man, to be him, in my opinion. you can get an idea from other men/males around you, can get it from your guy friends, you can build off of past experiences, but i think it's harder to get it from a book, or from the opposite sex.

    oh, and thumbs up on the site revamp…. *Salute* *Swings away*

  12. first of all… site looks lovely. good job. i actually read like 87 old posts in about an hour simply because i didn't know they existed until now. i had comments for all of them, but i'll leave them in 2009 or whateveryeartheywere. lol.

    secondly, awww at this post. i have a sort of litmus test for men i'm interested in. i always ask them if they remember the last time they cried. if he can't even remember, i see that as a problem. i once dated a 30 yr old man who hadn't cried since he was 16. that ish isn't healthy. and his refusal to exist in any emotional state wasn't either. i'm scared you may kill me in my sleep if you just have no emotions whatsoever, or you suppress them to the point of getting an ulcer. the heck. i'm not the most emotional woman but i always attract/am drawn to men who are incredibly in-tuned with theirs. i absolutely canNOT take man-tears though. and by that i mean if a man is crying in my vicinity, i will be tearing up as well. lol. just gets me because usually if a man is crying it's something deep. even when men cry in movies, i cry. smh.

    i will say however, there are few things more annoying and painful to experience than a man boohooing over YOU whilst you just really, really want him to remove himself from your presence. if you know i'm a sucker for man-tears and you try to use them to your advantage once you've done something breakupwitable, i will turn ice cold and blank stare you.

    my ex used to give me pedis. every week. yep. better than any salon i could go to. french manicure painted and all. so a man going and getting his own would actually be a step in the manly direction. lmbo.

    here's the thing about men and tools. a man who can wield one with expertise or fix my wobbly desk or my brakes is quite sexy. i think the difference lies in a man knowing how to do those things. opting to pay someone that gets paid to do those things is fine, but if you look at a phillips and ask me what it is or what it's for … i may side eye you. no, i will side eye you, because to me that screams i've never had ONE male role model/uncle/father/friend in my entire life that taught me how to use a screwdriver, and i've never thought to learn myself. and that's scary.

    i have a small pink electric drill. it's supercute. y'all care. lol.

    1. i have a small pink electric drill. it’s supercute. y’all care. lol

      LOL. Mine is thick, red and black. (mega pause) Hmm, we are talking about power drills though.

    2. "…usually if a man is crying it’s something deep. even when men cry in movies, i cry. smh."

      Yes! When men cry in movies it just breaks my heart. I've only experienced one ex cry in front of me and I was already crying so it just made me cry harder. Lmao. Kleenex could eeem handle the broken dams better known as our tear ducts that night…

      1. totally me. i just can't take it. lol. i'm a sucker for sensitive men. like, even a crack in the voice when they're talking about whatever it is, and i'm teary.

  13. Slimuel, Slimuel…..

    I agree with this post..the only thing I will take exception with is Men who don't know how to use tools…really? I mean that is the one thing I really expect a man to KNOW or LIKE to do…but it's not always true and I am not going to make really big deal out of it…

    The crying thing kills me….I had never seen my ex-husband cry after dating for 8 yrs..until the day of our wedding..during the best man toast by his brother…I looked over and tears were streaming down his eyes…I didn't know he had tear ducts. lol. I used to ask him about it..he would say, I do cry in private…I cry alone..stuff like that….I wanted to see him cry in front of me…it would have meant alot to me at the time…..I encourage my 2 sons to cry….I want them to be in touch with all of their emotions….I mean don't cry over every little thing..but, don't hold back if it's something you feel you need to do….I think it says more about a man's emotional stability if he can actually create a tear or two……

    Now, I always had my guys using TROJANS…I didn't know about MAGNUMS until my current guy…so, that is neither here nor there for me….use what fits…I really don't care.

  14. I like the newly designed site gentlemen. Two thumbs up!

    "Go ahead man, cry. Just don’t be sobbing because you stubbed your toe."

    This is basically how I feel. I don't mind a guy crying but just don't cry every five minutes. The same way it would bother you if I cried all the time, the same goes for me.

    One thing a guy shouldn't do is scream when he sees a roach. I understand you guys get scared too but there's something about you screaming over something you can step on that turns me off.

  15. Gotta disagree with the tool bulet point…..especially the ability to change a tire. Nothing worst than seeing a grown ass man waiting 30 minutes for another man to come change HIS tire. Its just a 5 minute change, not rocket science. Even my sister knows how to (pops made sure she learned so she wouldn't be stranded.)

    I understand tools aren't your cup of tea, which doesn't make you any less of a man but let's not disregard the fact that using tools and having the ability to fix/repair stuff IS a manly trait……despite your inability. I'm not the biggest sports fan, but I won't claim that watching sports isn't manly just because of my lack of interest.

    1. man, i've only have flat tires 2x…the first time i changed it, and it took me dang near an hour…

      the second time, i called AAA. if i had an airgun, and a hydraulic pump, then nope i wouldn't call him…but swapping tires is something i need a whole lotta time for (i drive an SUV, so i kinda worry about the truck falling on me…same reason why i "know" how to change the oil…but i don't.)

  16. I think men should be good drivers. I always question the manhood of men who don't know how to drive or are poor drivers. Not sure why, but, it's just not manly… like really though… you can't parallel park?

    Men should be on time. I can stand habitual lateness on the part of women… yall have to primp and get yourselves together I cannot stand dudes who can't be on time.

    Men should be in control of their emotion – like – the full range. I favor a more tempered sort of manhood. There's nothing worst than seeing a man respond with too much emotion to any particular situation… just bugs me.

    And now, a word on crying. I don't think there's anything wrong with men crying. That said, I never cry. Like… crying for me, as Slim indicated, is reserved for the most heart wrenching, or joyful situations. Last time I came close to crying was at my wedding and I've only ever broken down once in front of my wife in the 8 years we've known each other.

  17. this was a good list, I especially agree with the points on manicures/pedicures and crying.

    but I gotta admit I do love a man that is handy. I guess because I grew up with a single mom that is pretty damn handy herself–so am I. if I have a tool box and know how to work my tools (pause) and I like to put things together. I feel like any man I am dealing with should too–if not like it, at least TRY to fix some ish before always outsourcing.

    I haven't changed a tire since I was 17 when I was taught because usually a nice man comes to change em for me in subsequent years but yea a sister does have AAA! I'm just saying, its not a bad thing to know how.

    #shoutout to the homies that keep jumper cables in their cars to assist stranded folks on the road 😉

    1. i totally keep jumper cables in my trunk to help stranded peoples. lol

      my dad made sure i know how to change my own tire and oil and pretty much know what every tool is. now, i can't say i'd actually do them unless in dire need and there is no male within a 50mile radius, but the knowledge is always a win.

      1. Exactly! I keep jumper cables in my trunk. I helped this lady out once, and she was so surprised I had them. lol. I only change my tire if I have to, and I've only had to once when I let my AAA lapse. lol. No more, never again.

      2. My parent's came from the same school of thought. I stay with jumper cables and a emergency kit in the trunk and I couldn't get my license until I showed my Dad that I could change the oil and the tires myself. #CountryAndProud

        My sister is the "handy man" in her house. We're all pretty handy with the steel if ya know what I mean. 😉

        1. "My sister is the “handy man” in her house. We’re all pretty handy with the steel if ya know what I mean. 😉 "

          #Regulaaaators #MountUp *pause?*

  18. If you get manicures & pedicures then do you. I for one am fine with my nail clippers and lotion. I did get a manicure for prom though.

    I'm not the best with tools, but I'm great at following directions. Give me a step-by-step guide on how to fix something and the tools that I need and it'll get done. Otherwise, I'll get someone who can fix it or I'll just buy a new one.

    I agree that there's nothing wrong with crying, but I don't think there's anything wrong with not crying either so long as it's not because "that sh*t is ghey". I was just getting teary-eyed last night after watching 60 Minutes, but I didn't cry and I usually don't. I don't think you can judge someone's ability to be emotional on whether or not they cry. There are other ways to express or deal with emotions. A guy who doesn't really cry? Not a big deal. A guy who doesn't deal with his emotions at all or constantly suppresses them? Very big deal.

    1. I actually LOVE following directions. You got something to assemble? I'm your girl, can't tell you how many times I've put together cribs n ish for my friends.

  19. Myth: Men don't walk away from conflict.

    Truth: This was cool back when you could fight and not have to worry about the loser coming back with his gun and/or his boys. I've put my hands on a few people and taken a few punches in my life. I'm not ashamed of it, but I'm not that proud of it either. As I get older, I see that it's more crucial to pick my battles. Getting out of the car snarling and raging because someone cut your girlfriend off in traffic isn't a good look…and my girlfriend was right, I could have been shot.

    Myth: Cooking and cleaning is woman's work.

    Truth: If you're still going with this idea in 2011, do humanity a solid, and remove yourself from the gene pool. Cleaning just makes everything look…better. From your body, to your whip, to your crib. When your stuff looks good, you feel better, you walk a little taller. It becomes a matter of pride. Besides, how many women do you know of that say "Mmm! Mmm! I sure like those yellow teeth and yellow boxers you wear! Can I come over and lay on your pizza boxes and dirty socks?"

    As for cooking? At best, it's a pleasant diversion. At the very least, it's a survival skill. Prehistoric man cooked his kills over an open fire. Learning the difference between a saucepan and a dutch oven won't impugn your manhood. Mercury Calhoun taught a young Jupiter Calhoun how to make breakfast one Saturday morning. The best cooking advice he gave was "Boy, if you can read and follow directions, you can cook anything." The words still ring true today. The ladies like a man that can cook too.

    Now, regarding…

    The use of tools? I'm self-reliant to a fault. I built my last three computers, made a minibar out of a display from a bookstore, and restored a headboard that I bought from a thrift store. Fixing and building is almost therapeutic. I have an old pair of jeans with paint stains, blood, and a few rips in it. I don't even keep it with my other clothes.

    Manicures? Haven't done it yet, but I need to. I had a lady tell me my fingers look like like I feed alligators. The women in my family are even more merciless. My sister, who rarely uses profanity, looked at my hands one day and said "What the f**k is up with your hands?" right in front of my mother, Venus Calhoun. My mother looked at her, then looked at my hands and said "Well? Answer her f**king question!"

    Crying? I want to echo the Cee-Lo song "Pimps Don't Cry", but that's some bulls**t. Pop in the movie Brian's Song (Billy Dee & James Caan version), and by the end, I'm choking back sobs while e-mailing Vic 4.0, the Redstar Brothers, and Prince Zyzyzz, of the Vedruga Hegemony about meeting for drinks.

    1. Superb additions!

      And to ya'll that need manicures but are scurred to go get them in public at a nail shop. Have your lady do it, she'll probably be glad that you're no longer scratching her with your paws and it can be some very sweet foreplay…at the least an endearing act of service.

  20. I will say this, I love a handy man. Its cool to call AAA or a plumber, but its nice to see a guy who'll get that wrench, and tighten the pipe himself. Or get the jack out the trunk, and change a tire. Its kinda sexy and brauny. lol.

    And at least a third of that comment is #pause worthy…

  21. I don't judge what is manly & what isn't. This is mainly because since I'm not a man & have no idea what it takes to be one. Just like I'd appreciate men NOT trying to tell me what I should be doing as a woman (that irks me). I was raised be a single father so he had to take on the role of both mother and father. Cooking & cleaning may not be manly to some but it was a regular part of his life. Regarding the mani/pedi thing…my dad has always gotten mani's & pedi's since a can remember. Never thought twice about it since I've never questioned his sexuality. I encourage every boyfriend I get to get at least a pedicure & when I sense resistance I just advise them that my father does it & they're cool with it (my dad is a very manly-looking man). All of my boyfriends have been afraid of bugs. I don't think that makes them less manly, it just makes them afriad of bugs. I'm not afriad of bugs but that doesn't make me more manly than them. I would love for my man to feel comfortable enough around me to cry in front of me (it would only make me cry though because I'm a super emotional Pisces & men crying turns me into Ms. Waterworks). Everyone was raised differently so I can't call a man that isn't handy unmanly. Some of the biggest queens (see: flamboyant gay men) I know can fix a car, bookshelf, etc. So as long as a man is comfortable with himself he won't have to worry about being a "man's man" around me!

    1. You're the first woman that's ever been like "Yeah. Pops has been getting manicures forever." I can see how stuff like that would help shape the way you see this topic. I used to think manicures/pedicures were suspect and then I was like wait, I know I'm straight and that I'm not effeminate. We be worrying too much about that stuff sometimes yo. We be worrying too much.

  22. I'm very good with tools and have recently noticed a lot of dudes just aren't and they are truly satisfied with it. I don't know but it urks my self-reliance if I can't fix it myself. I'm like Jupiter Calhoun…building, destroying, repairing and restoring carries with it a sense of accomplishment and gives me something to be proud of, especially when on a budget.

    Manicures…GTFOH. I keep them clean and moisturized and I don't show my feet often so eff a pedicure. Yeah yeah…I've heard the whines of how men can get them without any effect on their manhood…eff that anyways. Women will then be complaining about how their man is "suspect." #cantwin

    Crying: Never in the company of women (except Moms) but I understand that it's natural. I did so much when I was younger to prevent such breakdowns that I still can't comfortably do it unless it's behind closed doors. Do I have times where I feel like it…yeah…but in this world where people throw around "man up" so often for everything, they can forget seeing me turn on the waterworks. That's just me…

  23. As a single mother and female soldier, Im not gonna be able to date a man that isn't handy with tools! If I can bust my **s in a motorpool,fire a weapon and still manage to look great in heels (nails and toes matching) ole boy has got to exceed my masculine side!

      1. hey!!! i sat on the other side of that dimple! Now I see what they were talking about! It was good to meet you as well 😉 how was the VSB thing?

  24. Love the redesign guys!

    Nothing to say at the moment—contractions don't allow clear thinking. Sike…..2 more weeks and baby Bacon Bit will be here.

    1. Glad you like the redesign and happy that we're about to welcome bacon bit. It'd be kinda humorous if his nickname was actually bacon bit, but I'm sure there would be a conversation in like 15 years about that decision.

    2. Congrats to my arch Nemesis (j/k) I'm happy hearing about Bacon Jr. Deluxe, but not so much that I want to cry. lol

  25. Well Im all for undefined gender roles, but…. I can NOT with a man with shiny nails. Nope nope! Clean…yes, but no polish of any kind. Do NOT cry too often you will not get any respect from this lady. I don't cry myself. I want to change a tire someday, just once.im good with instructions and tools; you should be too.

  26. i agree with most of your points to a certain point.

    manicures/pedicures. sure i've gotten them before. but its not something that i would do like every two weeks or every month. there is no reason i should shake a man's hand and if my eyes were closed i wouldn't be able to tell his hands from a woman's. honestly, i judge men who have really soft hands. like do you play sports? work with your hands in any fashion? not saying your hands should feel like sandpaper but c'mon son.

    working with tools. once again. you don't have to be tim "the tool man" taylor but if you can't change the headlights in your car then something is wrong with you. i can't change cv joints but give me enough time i bet i could figure out how to change a starter or alternator.

    magnums. i use what i use. besides that, no comment.

    emotions. this is where i agree with you 100%. whoever said men shouldn't cry is dead wrong. its what you cry about. i've cried over women, when my brother almost died, when i've been really depressed and during prayer (that love for God is enough to bring me to tears).

      1. yeah weak handshakes bother me as well. like the ones where you only use the tip of your fingers. i actually get offended when a dude does that to me. i respect strong handshakes.

        1. I am so tight I didn't get a chance to meet you this weekend..

          Hugs and E-kisses homey.

    1. Honestly, women always tell me I have really soft hands. I played soccer for a long time and got a black belt in Tae Kwon Do, but I never grew up building woodsheds or punching brick. *shrug*

      1. neither did i. but i played basketball and lifted weights. also football can harden your hands just a bit. hanging on rims after dunking on people will callous your hands quick.

  27. "The only feathers I’ve tasted are the ones on the hood chinese food spot’s fried chicken."

    This right here is so truth.com hahahaha

    This list is cool. I never got manicures or Pedis because I always thought it was a bit feminine. I now see why dudes do it. I've never gotten one though. They'd probably hate me because I bite my nails, smh but I still don't know about pedis. Who's peepin my feet like that? I keep well groomed on the toes so Idk.

    The tools thing…that should be inherent in men. I know how to use em based on necessity. I'd get certain toys or things as a child where "assembly was required" and I'd goto work. im far from bob Villa or Tim Taylor, but im aite.

    Crying… there's nothign unmanly about that. I think expressing emotion is an important part of human life. If you're reserved so be it.

    I also think its BS to call a man who expresses emotion (within reason) to be emo. There's a CLEAR distinction between emo and emotional!

      1. O_O

        You tried to pick up a bad habit?

        Yeah, I been trying to get into this crack cocaine thing, I just can't seem to get the hang of it…lol


        1. Lol @ Star.

          I actually know someone who tried to pick up smoking but couldn't get addicted.

        2. Yeah, I been trying to get into this crack cocaine thing, I just can’t seem to get the hang of it…

          Ya'll spent the whole weekend in DC! You could've easily trekked up to B'more and scored some of that good -ish from one of the corner boys…..

        3. @ That Damn African

          1) yes

          2) yes

          She tried really hard too. I was speechless when she told me. How do you respond to that?

      2. This whole thread is why bad things happen in life. We just cant get right…what would motivate one to try to pick up smoking?

    1. Um Streetz, do you think it's manly for men to tweeze their eyebrows? Not that I'm suggesting that you do that <del>even though you and I both know it's true</del> I'm just wondering what you think….

  28. I used to get pissed whenever I would walk into the nail salon and see a man getting his nails done. It still annoys me for some reason. I guess it sort of feel like women in a barber shop, this is our place, whatchu doin here? Pedicures I totally understand because I don't like a man with rough nasty feet. I don't know why I'm OK with the pedi's but not the maini's but I don't think they're gay, I have always had a slightly twisted way of viewing things.

    Men who don't know how to use tools? Figure it out. I call AAA too, but I'm functional.

    Condoms? No comment.

    My husband cries over movies. For some reason the movie Rudy always makes him cry. Whenever Rudy comes on we all go OH LAWD HE'S WATCHING RUDY! (OK, I'm cracking up over here).

    1. Rudy >>>>>>>>>>>

      and Hoosiers

      and A League of Their Own

      Go 'head and cry, cause once I hear "This Used to be My Playground" all my G slides right out the door…

      1. A League of their Own is MY MOVIE!!! but my favorite crybaby movie is City of Angels. lawd, it does it every time. but I'm an admitted crybaby–all range of emotions cause tears for me: sad, angry and laughter. and since I'm a woman thats okay. lol

        1. I struggle with City of Angels cause she's riding a bike with no hands… O_O You'd have to be Ray Charles not to see that ending coming…sometimes look ma, no hands is just not the move…

          I did cry like a baby though…the taste of a pear and all that sappy ish… <3

  29. This post is good.

    During every conversation about what's wrong with Black America, people generally admit that there needs to be a redefinition of "black man." Not saying that we write the rules here, but I think there has to be an open discussion about the stigmas that are attached to black masculinity. Is this not the segue way for that topic? Masculinity seemed, for so long, to be tied to to society's assigned gender roles. However, many men and women on this very blog today said that a key factor if manhood is that a man is secure with himself to not allow society to define him. This coupled with the clear functional redefinition of gender roles in society, doesn't that imply that masculinity, as a set of behaviors, is baseless? Of course we need ways to distinguish between genders (names, physical appearance, smells), though is it really necessary when applied to demeanor?

    So what are the differentiating factors that distinguishes man from woman (other than physical aspects)? That question is stated beyond the lens given to us by society. Aren't all the current understanding of masculinity and femininity come from the root of sexism and inequality?

    Let's look at the case of a "flaming" homosexual physically masculine person. Is that person a man or a woman? So here is when people begin to interchange the usage of demeanor specific actions as masculinity (demeanor) with physical appearance masculinity. Hence, people will outright say that that a "man" where skinny jeans isn't masculine or even say that the guy isn't a "man." We all understand that the the term "man" implies a certain level of maturity but ALSO plays a dual role of implying physical masculinity and demeanor defined masculinity.

    This is what I see: There's a hesitation to openly use the term of "man" in referring to people that discard certain society imposed responsibilities. So if I play video games, watch cartoons and only look to date without procreation, even though I can consider myself a "man" since I don't let myself be defined by society, I probably will be not considered a "man." -><-

    So it looks like the statement of "a man is comfortable with himself" only applies if you fall within certain parameters defined by society. So one MUST be defined by society. The killer part is that this worlds on smaller scales as well. So in communities, will try to get influence over societal deals and attempt to define the basis used to distinguish the gender demeanor-wise. Ex: "A real man, worships (the Christian) God." That's untrue isn't it?

    How do we reconcile the drive to allow society define masculinity within our race (or culture even) since society's ideals usually aren't a reflection of our own in practice OUTSIDE of labeling and dividing ourselves? Is that even the right question?

    Tons of questions, since I don't have all the answers…

    1. As Streetz said last week, glad yo have you back in the mix. You're getting at some really deep points (pause) and that was initially the direction I wanted to go, but my brain was hurting at 11pm when I started this so I went an easier route.lol

    2. Wow, never really thought of it like that MeteorMan. I doubt the definition of a man in any society will ever be baseless. My definition of a man is influenced immensely by the men who were part of my upbringing and my religion (inferring community?). For me to adopt a whole new definition of the word "man" would be near impossible. I don't think, "Hmm is this man a "man?" I just know it. Unless we can universally agree to a baseless definition of "man", which would imply societal influence, then I just can't see how the definition could change.

  30. I wish I added this to the post, but there's also this thing about men complimenting other men. Of course I can't cosign calling a dude wavy, but where is the line in compliments?

    1. L




      his was actually discussed recently, I think the general consensus was that a man can compliment a man on things or skills but not his actual looks.

      Like, "yo, nice edge up, where'd you get that?" or "I like those shoes" but not "damn your skin is so smooth, do you exfoliate?" or "my man! those calves though! nice…"

  31. At meteor man, I liked the way you raised whether the idea of masculinity is societally determined or to what extent there is a biological basis fOr these assigned roles. Time and place and culturally determined is usually the way people deal with this. Like the Massai warrior and requirement to kill a lion as a coming of age ritual. With fewer lions and more raids on their cattle, the possession of a rifle or an AK 47 is also an important symbol.
    For the urban cat, it could be wheels and a nice ride. This post is interesting because, leaving aside whether biting the pillow makes one anymore or less a man, it seems to be a question of behaviour and fashion mostly.
    It seems at the periphery certain things will make you less of a man, whether you're packing some weight between your legs or not. At the other extreme, the post certainly recognises that notions of masculinity have changed from previous generations. That is probably a good thing.

    It's nice to get a good post with some serious range of thought going into it. Interesting to note that guys have a more fluid sense of gender and women on the blog at least seem rather more gendered.
    But that could be just because cats wanna appear more sensitive, and the ladies prefer to keep it real.
    nit too surprising from a liberal well educated

  32. Bunch of Posters. Anything more reactionary and you'd have to ask for a refund on your tuition money!

  33. Great post loving the new design as well. I like a guy that gets mani/pedis every now and then, just a part of keeping yourself up. I love a handy man "fans self". There is jus something about a man that fixes things. There is nothing wrong with a man showing some emotion but not crying all the time. My ex cried about ish all the time and it made me give him the major side eye. Magnums…..I need to see proof you need them.

      1. Among other things. If I continue to try and come out of the lurker nation, i will have stories to tell. Good day to you sir

  34. @ lips comment : is there a distinction between lip balm and
    Lip gloss? In winter , you're skiing or whatever and the wind factor plays havoc with your face I could see why a guy would use some lip balm. But cherry flavored lip gloss is a whole another territory. Unless dude happens to like the flavour of cherries , I guess . #justsaying

  35. I love the new layout of the site! It's very spiffy and user friendly!

    I co-sign with most of what you said in your post, but I have to disagree with the mani/pedi thing. I wouldn't want my dude sitting up in the massaging chair next to me at the nail salon. I actually don't think my dude's hands should be as soft and tapered as mine. I think men should be a lil rough around the edges. If my boo's hands were real raggedy then I'd give him a manicure myself.

    Some other things that would make me give a dude the side eye:

    -Wearing sandals. Man toes aren't usually sexy so he probably shouldn't show them off in open toe sandals. I don't care how hot it is. His toes don't need to breathe. Unless it's those athletic slides that some dudes wear after they shower at the gym or something.

    -Gossiping. I know everyone loves to gossip to a cetain extent, but I can't stand to see a grown man trashing other people and events that don't concern him. That is so catty to me and cattiness is usually attributed to females. Extra manly points deducted if he's the only male gossiping with a group of women.

    -Being rude to women. I understand that chilvary is just about dead, but I hate for a grown man to go out of his way to be a jerk to a female.

    -Wearing briefs. I HATE briefs. They remind me of panties. No man should wear these after age 12.

    -Using the word "fabulous" to describe anything. It just doesn't sound right coming from a deep, manly voice.

    There are more, but I'd be typing all day and I've been avoiding doing any actual work long enough today.

  36. I agree with your points, Slim. I have NEVER been the girl who needed her man to get out of the car and change the tire, or go in the bathroom and unstop the sink. It's just as sexy to me that he can pay for AAA, or call the plumber. *shrug*

    Thank you for letting us know that even a BAWSE cries. lol

  37. Where has Dr. J been? What had happened was, i'm not really all back to normal.

    I will say this, I don't really worry about manliness too much because truth be told there's a woman who likes all types of guys. I have had times where I was convinced a guy was gay and found out that he was married with children. And moreover, I was astonished that his wife was 100% satisfied and he was a great dad to his son. That's possible. On the other hand, I thought I was approaching some "cross the street" cats in the Village one time and found out what homo-thugs were. You just never know where you'll end up on this spectrum.

    I'm going to tell you in my opinion how to solve this whole thing. As a man you don't follow nobody, you be your own man. You don't worry about what anyone has to say about your money and your family. When you exemplify this male characteristic you realize that nobody will ever question your manliness. The only people who will are in fact little boys who have no clue what it means to be a man regardless of age.

  38. I used to get manicures at this one place I was getting my hair done. The only reason I did it was the girl who handled nails was blatantly choosing up and I think she just wanted to touch my hands. Never had a pedicure although I’ve been told I need one. Probably do. I have slave feet. I used to be a mechanic and I’ve had many a laborer gig so I’m quite handy. That’s probably why I need a manicure, actually. Never been much of a crier. Just isn’t my style. The last time I cried was when my pops passed and I did it in front my then chick. She didn’t discount my manliness so I guess I’m still all good. I don’t think less of men who cry unless they’re actin real b*tch about the whole situation.

  39. LMAO @ "bad d*cketry"

    Yes on all points! Yes men should cry! Let it out.


    wear heels, especially women's shoes (gay or straight).

    swear in front of children and the elderly

    Carry handbags (gay or straight)

    Pick their nose (without a tissue)

    Stare so hard at a woman that you almost get hit by a car or bust your ass

    LIE (unless you are saving feelings but even then the truth is always best)

    CHEAT unless it is death

    SAG your pants *don't get me started on this* o___O

    Men should:

    Shave and be well groomed. If your eyebrows connect or are unruly get it handled just don't come out looking like Cher o___O

    Trim nose hairs and ear hairs

    Mani pedis? Yes please, that will get you a foot massage.

    Open doors, offer up seats, help the lil old lady across the street, raise your kids! You made them raise them. I would like to see more men with strollers! Plus it is sexy to see a man with their children. I am not talking about just taking them to the corner store. I mean, really take care of them. Spend time with them! Again sexy!

    Learn how to cook. And you don't have to be Emeril or Flay just know how to do something.

    Bathe daily or every other day, and wash your clothes. (smokers/workout sweat/b.o.) There is nothing in this world at sitting, standing or in close proximity of a man and he smells!

    Massages…. yeap learn those get major cool points!

    Really though… a man is about maturity and handling your business, to me, that is what really makes a man.

  40. Slim, great post. Also, loving the design.

    My man is exceptionally affectionate, he grooms himself well (this includes managing his feet), and oils his body after the shower. All of these things I expect and appreciate. I don't want a ashy, crusty man and his feet all over me in the bed. And the Hulk look is not my style. I want a man to be secure enough in his on definition of manhood to be vulnerable with me. This may mean crying or other forms of expression.

    The last thing I will say is that women need to also learn how to support their men in being the best men they can be and sometimes this may mean holding them when they cry. My man cried last week as he talked to me about his deceased Aunt. I held him and rubbed his back. A few hours later he held me as I cried over a family issue. Those moments of trust and vulnerability are the cornerstone of relationships. They support a healthy foundation.

    1. Glad you liked both!

      Not that I'm trying to get all astrological, but does he share the Piscean sign?

      "Those moments of trust and vulnerability are the cornerstone of relationships. They support a healthy foundation."

      This I do cosign. This also partially explains why there are so many failed ones.

      1. Close enough, he is a Libra.

        In terms of vulnerability and trust: indeed. And for the record, there are just as many women that struggle with vulnerability as there are men. It may manifest in a different way but it is the SAME thing.

        BTW, I mentioned this post to him last night and he was very curious as to why I enjoy the blog so much…I told him because its often somma the realist sh*t I've ever read. I kick a few post his way er'ry now and then.

        1. My Him used to clown me for reading blogs too, but once I sent him some stuff he became the PR person for a certain site and was getting all his friends reading *side eye*. I'm a lame, huh? Boooooy, saddown.

  41. I really enjoyed this article. I would prefer if my man or a guy I was dating received manis and pedis. I don't need him scratching up my baby smooth skin with his rough hands and hang nails. uggh. And as far as men being in tune with their emotions…YEEEEEEEEEEEEES! I agree!! Keeping stuff bottled in for years is unhealthy and will probably create a very angry person. I don't want him crying all the time now, but seeing the tears well up in his eyes for something of value to him will just make my heart melt.


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