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Because You Been Drinking…



This is actually a very true sign, there's a story here.

A few weeks ago, I showed up to some bar and my friends had already been there.  Almost immediately upon walking in, someone said something extremely offensive, but they laughed about it too.  And I hate when people do that, they try and laugh so it seems like a joke, but between the two of you, you know they meant it.  The problem is, I’m a hothead.  Everyone who knows me, knows that I only have two speeds, “stop and go.”  So when people meet me and they are like, “Jay is so laid back.” It’s not that I’m laid back, it’s just that now that I got these Xans, I just don’t take stuff so seriously anymore.  Anyway, when this person made this joke, my first reaction is to pounce, but instead, I said to myself, “Because you been drinking, I’m going to let that slide.”

But it got me to thinking about when people, including myself, start drinking and the ten things that are most likely to happen:

1. You curse people out – This is more about speaking your mind during times of pressure.  But when you get to drinking, it just seems like cuss words roll off your tongue easier.  I was at a friend’s birthday party when she said something so eloquent and concise to her best friend.  This is after her friend did something, I don’t know what it was, but I looked up and she was leaning into her.  By the time I got in earshot of this situation … because I had to go see what was going on … I heard her say, “Take me home and don’t say sh*t to me.”

2. You kick people out your house – I watch Lakers games alone. I may go to a bar by myself, but typically I’m at home doing this.  I broke this one time in 2008 and went to this lounge to watch Game 6 of the NBA Finals.  And well, I had to watch the Lakers lose the championship.  Anyway, in 2009 during the Western Conference Finals against the Nuggets, I let some of my friends come over to watch the Finals.  I started drinking and this is what happened:

Me: [Looking at the television in disbelief]
My boy: I told you Melo is nice, son.
Me: Shut the f*ck up.
My boy: Oh now you mad?
Me: Real talk, this is why I don’t f*ck with you all.  Get the f*ck out my house, son.
My boy: Word?
Me: Word.
Female friend: That’s not nice, don’t kick people out your house.
Me: You get the f*ck out too.

3. You hit people by accident – Have you ever tried to high five your boy in the club and smacked him in the face?  No, well I have, so screw you.  I have a female friend who is like a sister to me, but whenever she’s been drinking and she play hits me, it’s hurts like a mug.  People don’t know their own power when they drink.  Reminds me of one family dinner when my Uncle was trying to tell my cousin that one of his arms was longer than the other.  You can’t tell your teacher that your Uncle gave you a black eye cause he had too much Henny.

4. You hit people on purpose – I’m not a fighter, but I know some people who are.  But I think that alcohol gives people liquid courage and while they might not have had when sober.  I’ve seen this go really bad for people too.  Basically because of the last point, you don’t have all your wits with you and you might miss.  I remember as a kid the scariest part of a fight wasn’t getting your butt whipped it was the beginning when you square off.  You know that if you don’t land this punch, your ass is grass.  And that’s why you shouldn’t fight when you’re drunk.

5. You tell secrets you shouldn’t – Mad people find out that their older sister is actually their mother because their grandmother gets into the Bacardi Limon after dessert.  Most people don’t find out that a chick smashed the homies until she’s been drinking a bit much.  And last but not least, when a dude says, “Yeah I beat” at a kegger he seldom expects that information to get back to the chick but dry snitching is an epidemic.

6. You have sex with people you normally wouldn’t have – I’m happy I’m an asshole when I’ve been drinking.  If I wasn’t … this probably would have happened to me.  I will say this much, I probably told myself I didn’t want to have sex with a chick no more and then because of a little liquor ended up doing it again.

7. You forget things for periods of time aka blackout “I don’t go out to have a good time, I go out to hear the stories the next day about last night.” A blackout is the worst part of drinking.  Typically, after drinking for a whole day unless you take a nap you will black out at some point.  Either that or after a bunch of shots.  Let me tell you though, it’s downright scary when you lose hours of your life because they aren’t in your memory.

8. You cry – I don’t go to the club when women celebrate their birthday because for some reason there’s a good chance that when she gets to thinking about the last year of her life, that she’s not getting any younger, the bad decisions she’s made, and why the guy she’s talking to hasn’t shown up after he said he would … it starts raining on her face.  I have witnessed 5-6 glasses of champagne turn into the last scene of Waiting To Exhale one too many times.  I hate when two chicks think they sound like Whitney and Cece singing Count on Me, they sound like old cats.

9. You don’t give a f*ck – Alcohol is the gateway drug of the world.  It’s what people are most likely to try first as a child and the effects it has on your brain reduces your ability to reason to its lowest levels.  So I remember all too well watching a dude I didn’t know all that well, but I had seen him drinking for a while, he smoked and the combination of Henny, Weed, Atlanta and the outlook of Pinups in an hour made him say, “Sure I’ll try ex.” You know why he did that?  Because he just didn’t give a f*ck anymore.

10. You say something you probably shouldn’t have – I said this on twitter, but I have a bad habit of saying stuff to people when I’ve been drinking that I probably shouldn’t have said.  This started in college when I walked into my house after a party and saw a girl who was a jumpoff on the low.  I looked at her and said, “So who are you here to f*ck?” Apparently this wasn’t nice.  Neither was this:

Her: People always tell me I look like Kim Kardashian.
Me: Yeah, if you lost 30 pounds, you would!

Or this:

Her: You don’t like Black women.
Me: That’s not true, I just think white and pink go together better.

I am working on not talking when I’ve been drinking, it hasn’t been working out for me.  At this point, I have a touch phone that I can’t text on when sober, so I don’t worry about drunk texts anymore.

PS – I enjoyed meeting everyone in DC this weekend.  We shouldn’t let it go too long without seeing one another.  And there’s room for more people on these trips.  To the new folks, please hit me up on Twitter: @DrJayJack, and please “Like” SingleBlackMale.org on Facebook.  Sharing is caring.


See Also:  SBM Sports: The (Slightly Late) Western Conference Finals Preview


Check out these funny clips of Eddie Murphy talking about Drinking:

Eddie Murphy – The Cookout

Eddie Murphy – New Rules for Lillian


  1. Since I'll be in training tomorrow and won't be able to comment I'ma knock this out now. But all I really have to add is….

    "Her: You don’t like Black women.

    Me: That’s not true, I just think white and pink go together better."

    O, word?

    *grabs popcorn and sits in front row*

  2. So on point! I'll admit I'm the drunk texter. Especially if I'm at home drinking and my guy is out hanging with the fellas. I'm gonna make sure he's thinking about me. But because I've been drinking, the sex is a bit touch and go. Sometimes it's hott and other times I'm just out in the middle of it lol.

    Cool post!

  3. 1st time posting on one of your post and a newbie here. Great post

    1. Your story of kicking folks out O_O and then*___________* that ish is funny.

    2. I am guilty of crying, sharing secrets, talking ish, having sexual escapades and I dont even drink that much lol. Alcohol is liquid courage for me because I am kind of shy, but get some in me….comment more tomorrow

    1. *wipes off thick layer of dust on champagne and bag of e-confetti*

      *throws e-confetti and pops that champagne hoping that you don't mind if it's warm*


  4. I think I'm just more open to ideas when I'm under the influence. I find it interesting. I never try to blame it on the alcohol. I just want to forget my actions. However some people go overboard when they are under the influence.

  5. Gus, why is the fire so big? lol. I love Delirious.

    Yeah, I agree with this list. I gave up alcohol for Lent, so I'm a little concerned about my tolerance. Its spring in the South, which means patios and martinis(at least that's what it means to me), not to mention my birthday the first week of May. I'm going to spend that week before my birthday drinking, just so I can be ready for the main event. lol. May is a busy month, and I need to get myself together.

    Blacking out is the worse thing ever. I think its worse for women, because then its like, what really happened last night? Not a good feeling.

    I don't cry when I'm drunk. I'm touchy/feely. I want to hug everybody, I might touch or rub a knee or thigh or chest, sit on a lap. I'm not serious though, unless I am serious, then you already know. Of course, I only do these things around my friends either in our respective homes, or when we're on vacation. Its ok to sit on a random guy's lap in Vegas… or wherever the next SBM event is held… j/k.

    And I will definitely be in attendance at the next SBM event.

        1. Funny thing about being raised in the French Quarter… you might actually find some blood in my alcohol-stream. No, but for real, I'm the epitome of a social drinker and for the life of me, I can't figure out why I have the tolerance that I do. I could drown a fish and still run a straight line afterwards. No history of blackouts, throwing up, or even hangovers. (Nope, never had a hangover.) And miss me with beer, please. If I'm drinking I want liquor, preferably shots. You name it, I've shot it.

          Needless to say, I won't be having any drunken-chex babies.

      1. I'm with Nia, I am an AFFECTIONATE drinker..Ms. smiley and happy with the world.

        You ladies already know I think Vegas is a great idea! But yeah…Sane I'm with you on that TWIs comment (I tried to like it 50-11 times)….get it girl!

        1. This is me… I'm happy, affectionate, touchy feely and if nothing is going on SLEEP. Lmao. Me and alcohol don't mix if there isn't a party b/c I gets sleeeeepy.

          I don't think I'm any of these other things on Jay's list. I'm definitely not a crier… and I don't get angry b/c I'm just a nonchalant person. I may curse under my breath b/c someone is being stupid or so I perceive. & even though I'm an afectionate drunk that's never gotten me to sleep w/ someone. Hmph.

        2. @LaLa

          Yep, that's me. And I can go from happy to sleepy in a matter of minutes. I need to be entertained throughout the duration of my drunkiness, or its time for a nap, and time for me to go.

      2. lol Frenchies and that alchie. Momma Dukes told me that when she was in University in France, you could just up and get some wine (for free) in the Caf. It might as well have been water. Don't even get me started on the Quebecois here in Canada. They.do.not.play.

  6. "Me: That’s not true, I just think white and pink go together better.”


    *Wonders if Dr. J was drinking when he wrote this*

  7. I agree with this list. Some of the things that I have seen people do while wasted. Man oh man…

    When I've had a couple i'm either smiling, cursing like a sailor or sleepy. I can remember all events that happened every single time I was overly tipsy. I have cut back though and do not miss that spinning room feeling at all.

  8. I'm glad I'm not that bad when I've been drinking. The only bad thing with me is that I talk more nonsense to females. I say all the inappropriate stuff to folks I say it to when sober so there are no surprises really

  9. i'm usually the one not drinking/nursing the same drank i've had all night, so i'm very familiar with giving the because you've been drinking… pass. i'd be freaked the hayle out if i woke and couldn't remember large portions of the night. i do become very amorous though but on the few times i've actually been very tipsy/drunk, i always find myself thinking "am i saying/doing this because i'm tipsy or because the alcohol is giving me a 'blame it on..' pass to say/do this?" <— who does that? lol

    one thing someone told me about spilling all kinds of secrets when they're drunk is that if you don't want anyone to know you slept with tyrone, you have to lie to yourself when you're sober. internalize that the man never got your goodies, and you can lie when you're drunk. i cracked up, but it actually makes sense, and i've never seen her slip up and say something contrary to anything she's said sober. of course she's no longer in my lifespace because i am a beacon of virtue and would never associate with someone of such dishonest character, ever. 🙂

  10. First time I got drunk I cried. Not since then, but that was a serious event…I was moving away and out on some boat in Texas with my friends for one last hurrah *cue white people always mixing drinking and water jokes* Girl on girl kisses were exchanged, tears and clothes were shed, fun was had…it was an effin mess. Mostly because of all the above, the most pertinent one to me is #9. I think that's the biggest appeal to liquor, you just don't give much of an eff for a few hours and that's nice. You dance your ass of, you flirt with strangers, you fall on your ass when pushed in heels. Thanks for the help and concern though J, just saw a shot of that today and I was appreciative, you just relax and let go for a while.

    I also get hot as hell. Not much of a revelation, but every time I start drinking I know I'm getting there when I start repeating how hot it is…and I'm all the way there when I can't feel my face; time to switch to water.

    1. I didn't even know about white people mixing drinks and water…but now that I do I will be looking for opportunities to use that hahaha.

  11. I'd love to say that none of this post covers me, but I'd be lying. I have had the misfortune also go back to someone I had no intention of being with again due to the drink and the drought. I am also ashamed to say that the birthday after splitting up with the husband might have seen some tears. Thank goodness my friends were understanding, especially since they know I'm not really a big crier.

    1. There is something about birthdays. I dont usually cry when drunk but 2 years ago I found myself crying at the lounge on my B-Day. I think its because that day is definitely a day of reflection.

  12. I have gotten drunk twice in my entire life. When I get drunk I let my soul glow (lol) especially if I'm around people I don't like/ do like.

    First time was sophomore yr in college at a drinking progressive for the track team. I was stressed and the guy I had a crush on was there and so was the other girl that liked him we all were friends (still is). He was paying her a little too much attention so I decided to OD on the vodka with NO chaser. Next I know my other friend, the guy and the girl is taking me back to my friends room and I'm cursing him and her telling him how I feel about him.

    Second time on my 22nd @ the club with friends the nite ended with me asking one of my male friends why he got married and had a kid when he knew we was meant to be (we were only friends nothing more)

    I'm still cool with all these ppl and they make fun of me anytime we go out and ppl offer me liquid courage…..smh

    But f%*k it I graduate in 6 weeks and I plan on burning down some rain forest and putting so much liquid courage in my body that I forget what the back of hand looks like.

  13. GO LAKERS!!!!! 3-peat! If anyone disagrees with me you are a..HATER

    Dr. Jay…a Lakers fan on the east coast, I can dig it. Anyways, I tend to become really self reflective while drinking. I think about deep things like where I see myself in ten years, what my IRAs are looking like, how can I be a better person..etc. etc. I think liquor calms mellows me out when it's not making me randy.

    BTW, I like the changes fellas…go SBM.org

    1. Lakers fan on the East Coast who's been to more Lakers games at the Forum and Staples Center than people who live on the West. And you ain't never lied, that 3-peat is going down like the Catalina Wine Mixer!!!

      BP – What type of liquor do you drink? I'm trying to get that in my collection. "Drink this ish and figure out how to get my credit up to 850." I guess I do my best to be a better person, I tend to send emails or Facebook messages to people i've wronged in the past. Even if I wasn't wrong, I just feel like building bridges.

      1. "Lakers fan on the East Coast who’s been to more Lakers games at the Forum and Staples Center than people who live on the West. And you ain’t never lied, that 3-peat is going down like the Catalina Wine Mixer!!!"-

        YES! People keep hating on KB saying he lost his touch, he is getting older…blah blah…but I was at a game recently and he looked pretty damn good to me. Anyways, I drink wine. I like Riesling and other dessert wines like Moscato but you don't seem like the type to add those to your rotation. I'm not sure but you seem like a Courvoisier erte #2 edition type. #justsayin

  14. LMAO @ this list! I don't drink so I can't attest to anything personally but I have witnessed (and been the only source of memory) for all of these things. And I'm usually the buffer between the person drinking and some of those things, too.

  15. I love the friend that become expressive with their love. "Ya know..you my dawg. No..seriously, I love you!". Even better when strangers professing their love.

    The crying, needs-her-hair-held-back-by-you while throwing up friend is always the buzz killer.

  16. How did I know that this was Dr. J's post upon reading the first few lines? LOL

    I laughed at this entire post. Hilarious! Did you notice that the latest campaign on drinking is the behaviors that follow after a night/day of drinking?? Talmbout if you had stopped drinking 2 glasses ago you would have been able to walk away *pic of bruised up dude* who looks like he got smacked by a Mack Truck.

    Damn I saw Eddie Murphy's show Raw live…. damn I am old! He wore that tired ass black leather outfit… LOL

    Thank goodness because I am a mean cuss on the everyday, when I drink I am lovey dovey.

    Drinking is bad on the liver people so be easy!!!

    Great post!

    1. You saw Eddie Murphy – Raw live… that must have been an experience.

      Do you remember that episode of ER when the dude was drunk and got hit by the truck and woke up with no legs? That's why I always play it safe. If you're going to get wasted, don't do it on a highway, or cliff, or any place where something bad can happen.

      I must confess, I've been a little wasted on a boat before, but then as most negroes do, I got paranoid and decided to sit in the cabin all night screaming about the boat rocking.

  17. I have done some crazy (people) things while drinking/drunk. I tend to become quite flirtatious and a very interesting comedian. I tend to not hold my tongue back sober, so it's definitely worse unda da 'fluence.

    I almost got kicked out the strip club for giving the girls dances "though I made 2 dollars OWW". My last B-day party… epic lmao. Streetz can confirm all of this.

  18. Huge lol @ this post.

    I have always been the friend with the really high tolerance. Drinking was "allowed" in my house when I was younger, so I learned how to handle my liquor.

    There have only been two occasions when I believe I was actually drunk- and I definitely used a "blame it" pass.

    Once, I was on vacation with ALL of my friends, and we started playing Truth or Dare…. enough said. So many shots were taken, as the penalty for not doing your dare was taking a bevy of shots. Dreams and lives and a couple relationships were ruined that night. Thankfully my two best friends at the time got more drunk than I was, so my exploits weren't the evening's main event.

    The second occasion was intentional. It was my birthday, and it had been a very difficult year. But I was celebrating my victory over it. My boyfriend gathered 25 of my closest friends, ordered Bottle Service featuring my bff Hennessy, and within an hour I was blamin' it. I had to be…assisted out of the club that night but none of that unattractive "hold my hair back" ish. We don't waste good liquor round these parts!

    The best part about that night was that, like a REAL professional, I woke up four hours after getting home and made it to work by 9am the following day. Lmao! Definitely one of those situations whereby wasn't hungover, I was just still drunk.

    Good times…thank you for the walk down memory lane and the great post Dr Jay.

    1. Summer Session back in undergrad a group of us sat around playing, Never Have I Ever. There was about 15 of us in a split double with a bunch of bottles. I hated it because it was like telling all your business. You sitting there next to someone you might currently be smashing on the low, or someone you used to smash on the low. Best part of this game:

      Woman #1: Never have I ever tried an*l.

      [Everyone looking around at each other. Just looking…]

      [Everyone is still looking…]

      Woman #2: F*ck it, i'm drinking.

      [Everyone is like, WOOOOOOOOOOOOW!]

      Woman #2: [Staring down dude on the other side of the room, i.e., her ex-boyfriend.]

      1. LMAO! Never Have I Ever was also played on this 7-day long trip to the beach…it was the BEST idea and the WORST idea I have ever had. I don't even REMEMBER the rest of the trip, as a result of

        SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS! What they say is true– "Life is about the nights you can't remember with the people you'll never forget." 🙂

    1. I hit the post button to early…

      Anywho, although I haven't gotten drunk being around people that are drunk is very entertaining (except for the fighting, sometimes). They can make any event better.

      Funny post Dr. J

  19. I'm the drunk that says things I shouldn't say. granted they are things I'm thinking anyway but I've finally mastered the art of self restraint in tongue–but being super drunk might make me forget that.

    I don't really have people at my house like that but if I did, I'd probably be the type to kick folks out too. lol

    I also might hit people. by accident. yeah by accident. I am touchy feely so it definitely could get rough by mistake–I'm saying I'm heavy handed.

    one thing I've NEVER done is blacked out. aint no way I'm ever getting that smashed. I am too much of a control freak to let that happen.

    good post.

  20. These days my limit is about 4-6 drinks and then I'm just hydrating and eating for the rest of the night. If I drove there I'm definitely not trying to get sh*tfaced because the weekend DMV checkpoints are serious bizness around here. And if it's a house party, I'm definitely trying to sober up and leave. I hang around some 2520s who love to clown and at the last house party/BBQ I attended the one guy who couldn't hold his liquour wound up covered in lotion and posted on FB the following Monday. Apparently this is known as being "Buffalo Billed".


    1. Lotion aint that bad.

      It wasnt a device/object inserted into unmentionable body parts, questionable scribbles on your face etc. smh

      Dont pass out around 2520s

  21. I haven't gotten drunk in about 4 yrs..at my cousin's 40th birthday party….back in my 20's I would drink just to be drinking….knowing I would regret it in the morning….just partying and having fun….these days I'm a "Soccer Mom"…not much drinking going on…except on weekends and it's usually a glass or two of wine….but, I remember it very well

  22. Because you been drinking… Man thats the story of many epic weekends. I also black out so it never feels like I had as much fun as I may have had. I need pictures like the end of 'The Hangover".

  23. The last time I got drunk, was about 3+ yrs ago at MCXXIII, in DC. I am a lightweight, but I ended up drinking so much during a friend's bday bash in the VIP section. Needless to say, I threw up in the ice bucket, and proceeded to tell my friends to write my will, cuz I was gonna die! SMH.

    In retrospect, the day after, I had flashes of my my white peers in college, who stayed drunk 24/7. That was alarming! That can't be life, especially when you decide to use a matress to slide down a hill during a blizzard, or you decide to dry your clothes in a stove, not understanding why the fire alarm goes off…but I digress.

    Since then I've learned my lesson, and gotten tipsy on more than a few occasions. I throw "love taps" that make my friends wince in pain, I get extra-emo, I'm happy, become way too extro-verted, and at some point, I'll just lay my head on the first available shoulder I see take a nap…

    These days though, I drink in social settings, but with the price of drinks= the sum of 3-4 gallons, I jumped on the soda pop bandwagon.

  24. I don't drink at all so I'm not guilty of any of this stuff. Instead I'm the one standing in the corner watching all you fools and telling tales the morning after when you guys can't remember the dumb sh!t you got into.

    1. Thank you for the heads up! This is such good information. Max doesn't drink… no drinking around Max. No drinkign around sober people is a REALLY good rule. Because they will certainly remmeber EVERYTHING.

      Has anyone ever drunk blogged? This would be interesting… That "post" button is a little TOO accesible.

  25. I remember my first drunken state… I was 17yrs old BUT that's all I can remember about that day. Whomp Whomp..

    But now that I am older I like to think I have mastered the art of drinking but I do tend to say some krazy *ish* from time to time to people in which I can't remember for the life of me the very next day.

    Umm….Drunk texting/sexting..??? Yeah about that. GUILTY!!!! *HangsHeadinShame*

  26. I don't drink, but I play a good drunk lol

    I must say I have been molested one to many times by drunk heterosexual women for my liking.

    (I was in a mainly 2520 co-ed fraternity)

  27. I drink all of the time, so this diet that I'm on that says no alcohol is a drag.

    When I went to a 'Cuse reunion party a few weeks back I actually mixed drinks. Started with Jack in the car, switched to Grey Goose at the club, finished up with some Bacardi and thus the blackout. I do remember weaving just a tad and the next morning when my friend woke up on the nicely made up airmattress I said, "OMG I'm so sorry I didn't make the bed up for you last night! How did you know where everything was"? She said, "Um, you made up the bed last night, you blew up the air mattress, and you said good night. You even gave me a towel and washcloth. Do you remember that we stopped at McDonalds"? Sadly…i remembered NONE of the above.

    My husband is shouting from the kitchen while cooking breakfast, "B*tch was drunk! She don't remember 5hit! Talking about, one last drink before we go! She was all happy, I was like, this won't end well. We still love you baby." *sigh*

    1. As a person who also attended Cuse, i'm going to tell you that has a little to do with this happening. I've been telling my homegirl this morning a few things about Cuse and drinking:

      1) There is not sh*t to do in Syracuse, but drink, f*ck, and dance.

      2) There's only two gears that people from Cuse have, "Stop and Go." Either you're sitting around the party saying, "This is wack and i'm sober" or you're the life of the party.

      3) You did it before, so you know you can do it again. From Everclear, to Devil's Spring, to 99 Bananas, to just about pushing it to the limit in everything you did. From Jungle to Oil to Kappa Punch, you know that you've been able to do great things with alcohol and wake up the next day.

      4) You have no idea that you are not 19 anymore.

      Still, I put this on my life, nobody can drink a Cuse grad under the table. It just rarely happens.

      1. You are sooo right! I'm over here dying laughing. Those cold winter nights at the 'Cuse were nothing but snow storms and alcohol, snow storms and happy hour, snow storms and the Que house (when they had a house), snow storms and the ski lodge, snow storms and sky barn, snow storms and…well you get the picture.

        I can still drink my friends under the table.

  28. I think that alcohol gives people liquid courage and while they might not have had when sober. I’ve seen this go really bad for people too. … I remember as a kid the scariest part of a fight wasn’t getting your butt whipped it was the beginning when you square off. You know that if you don’t land this punch, your ass is grass. And that’s why you shouldn’t fight when you’re drunk.

    ^^^ this made me spit out my cough drop and I really needed it. lucky for you i have one mo'.

    I'm gonna finish reading now, but wait on the other cough drop.

  29. Omitted only to be inclusive, but more personal to me:

    1) Bite people.

    2) Have extreme cravings. This hasn't gone wrong for me except once. Only when I decide to cook, I don't know why I wanted bratwurst, peppers and onions in the middle of the night.

    3) Buy random stuff. I was sitting in my house when the doorbell rang and it was the UPS man, I wasn't expecting a package. So I open this box and it's this big plastic ish. I'm thinking it's a blowup pool, but I didn't order this. I got the pump and blew it up. It was a six-foot inflatable elephant. I go back to that day on my gmail that the order was made and apparently I was on eBay attempting to order a huge inflatable elephant so that I could have an elephant in the room.

    4) I laugh. I was in this bar this weekend and someone fell the f*ck out. I couldn't do nothing because I was laughing. There's nothing worse than the, "OMG LMAO, are you okay? OMG LMAO." You wanna help but you can't.

    5) I go home. I have a bad habit of not wanting to say goodbye because I don't want anyone to tell me they want me to stay. So I just leave abruptly. When people text me and ask me where I am, i'm usually like, "At home. I breezed."

    1. 1) I heard you were biting Cheekie this weekend. Were you drunk or sober at that point?

      3) Really?!? That story is so precious!!

    2. Fcuk! I just spit out water on my keyboard the second time today.. These 2520s are going to think I have some type of jaw muscle issues… smh

      Real talk I will buy the elephant from you. It would make a hot crossing gift..

    3. I cracked up at the elephant in the room part. Too funny.

      Anywho. I'm loathe to be out of my wits, so I don't drink anything other than the odd glass of Pina Colada or some other soft alcoholic beverage. Some of my guy friends have been trying to get me drinking/drunk for almost a decade. No dice, my friends..no dice. Their stories are amusing to listen to, though.

  30. yeah so…def guilty of 8/10 on the list. However, they mostly occurred the first two years of college and prom night. Do I get a pass? lol I try to do better now b/c being that drunk girl is not a good look. Although, I'm still trying to figure out a way to drink all day and all night w/o blacking out b/c I want to remember LDOC.

  31. Since I like things that taste good, I've never taken a shot which is probably why I've never gotten drunk. It might also have something to do with the fact that I'm a control freak. Oh and it might also be related to the fact that I usually drink around the fam and I'm not ready to embarrass myself in front of my momma

  32. #6 never fails for me. Ever. I am a good one for textin the same damn ex that I keep sayin I won't mess with anymore… No wonder he doesn't take me seriously lol ::shrugs:: Might as well just be FWB and call it a day lol

    1. Oh and I'm good for tryna break up these drunken fights. Not sure what makes me think my drunk ass can pull a drunk ninja off his drunk girlfriend to keep from drunk arrests…

  33. Yea…blackouts.are.not.cool

    I had one & the possibility of what could have happened to me if i was not at home with my family was enough for me(that & embarrassing pics!)

    #9 is def me…to this day I wonder why I've never gotten my butt handed to me cuz i talk MESS when I've had a few drinks lol

    I remember about a month ago I was at a party & this chick accidentally spilled a drink on my arm & I turned to her & said "B*tch are you just gonna stand there looking stupid or are you gonna get me a mothaf*ckin towel?!"….she really went & got me a fresh towel & wiped my arm!!!

    Maybe I should quit while I'm ahead lol

  34. Ive only blacked out a couple of times, but that joint is scary!

    I dont drunk dial or text.

    The release of inhibitions is the biggest gift and curse of drinking for me. Its like an alter ego appears who wants to do what he wants to do because THATS what HE does!! lmao!

    Ive kicked it to a chick, insulted her, had her still feelin me, and had cats explain this to me because I didn't remember. lol.

    Its scary being a personable drunk. Eff around and wake up on some hangover ish,

  35. Ha! This was funny! Crazy thing is I can actually hear the Dr saying shit like that!!!

    I've done all of them except 3 and 4. I black out more than I should, and that's not cool, I admit that, but damn, the stories next day is what's more hilarious to me!

  36. LOL! I know how I am when I'm drunk so I rarely ever let myself go beyond my 2 drink minimum in public. At home? I'm a happy drunk and super affectionate while telling you how much I love you…until sh*t goes wrong, then I go from 0 to 60 in 3 secs flat. I really can't describe it, just don't eff with me and we're good. I never start ish ever in life, but I will finish it. lol I usually will kick bishes out with the swiftness too. I've never blacked out or had a train ran on me, etc. I can't really say my personality changes when I'm drunk…it's just me with no inhibitions. If I don't want to sleep with you, 12 beers aint gonna make that happen. Also, I don't suscribe to the "I was drunk and didn't mean it" philosophy. Naw, you meant it…you was drunk SO you said it.

    1. lying like sh*t…

      at brunch for hours talking about a 2 drink… wait a minute.

      Nah you right, you said "2 drink minimum", I thought you said 2 drink maximum.

      "Game on." – Wayne

  37. I am one of those calm people who curses a lot when they're drunk. I tend to not to when I'm sober but when under the influence I have no filter. I say whatever I want and don't care what anyone has to say about it. Its horrible.. But I do have a cousin that gets drunk and lets out anyones secrets. She goes back to shit that we did in HS and lets it just blow up. SO we know not never to tell her anything important cause she will just spill all your shit out to everyone who is willing to hear.

  38. I'd just like to say that, since you mentioned it, Xanax makes everything better. And by better I mean who gives a sh-t that I just walked in on my boyfriend and my best friend naked…because I can't even feel my legs. My torso is floating on the mellow train right now and I can't be bothered with the traditional stabbings or gasoline fires that would normally take place a after such an event.

    I think, even though I'm hot headed, I make my worst mistakes sober because I'm also crazy. As a crazy person, you don't need alcohol to flip out, you just need enough blind rage.

    What does happen to me when I've been drinking/substance abusing is that I get paranoid. I over analyze everything because I'm certain everyone around me is involved in a covert conspiracy to topple my reign. And by reign I mean "good vagina record"…

    But seriously though…stop kicking people out of your house. That's mean.


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