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4 Reasons Not to Cheat on Your Wife

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The divorce rate is at an all time high and alimony settlements are even higher. Divorce hearings are starting to look more like NFL contract signings because these heffas are getting broke the f*ck off. The list of celebrities that pay exorbitant amounts of alimony is almost identical to it’s who’s who list. Tiger finalized a divorce that will make him the don dada of this new peer group he’s a part of. He’ll have to pay anywhere from 100 to 500 million dollars on the settlement and I’m pretty sure he’ll end up paying much more than that in the long run. Just ask anyone in that new peer group about being dragged back to court and having the judge decide his ex-wife needs more money, like Nas for example, who is still paying for that overpriced milkshake. At this rate, the solution to the deficit might be to tax any income from alimony and child support payments heavily. In any event, Tiger’s misfortune got me thinking about a few other reasons besides losing most of your money that you shouldn’t cheat on your wife…

The Money



Tiger Woods is worth almost a billion dollars, so having to drop 350 million in a divorce won’t leave him homeless. The downgrade to a smaller mansion will be temporary, you’ll be fine sport. For the average Fuquan however, 40-50% of their net income will significantly alter their lifestyle. Even before the judge decides your fate you’ll be paying copious sums of money for your wife’s portion of the legal proceedings, etc., etc., etc. And if you manage to make it out of the proceedings without having to pay any alimony, the cost of being in court alone will be a nice setback. It’s a no vaseline ride all the way around.

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Spousal Support

Yes, I know that’s pretty much the same as “the money” but I think it’s an important point to hammer home. For the rest of your natural born life, you will be doing 100% of the work and getting 65% of the money and that’s if you’re lucky. That includes paying all the fees for her legal team every time she decides to drag your ass to court. For the rest of your life you will be working harder while she works less. If you don’t believe me, wait until you get that collect call from your ex in the Bahamas 10 years from now in middle of February asking you why your check is late. Won’t that be a bitch?

Child Support

Also falls under “the money” category, but I’m just itemizing them the way it will appear on your paycheck. It’s only logical that the more kids you have, the more money you will be paying and makes the countdown to 18 that much longer. To add insult to injury, you can’t deduct it on your taxes and possibly won’t even get to see your kids. Well, actually you’ll see them as that line item on your check.

Your Money

Your boss isn’t going to give you a raise because you’re getting fleeced for money by your soon to be ex-wife , your company won’t match contributions to your alimony/child support fund and money trees don’t exist yet. You can cop that book from the dude in the funny jacket to see if you can get a government grant, but it’s probably not going to happen. This is all coming out of your pocket buddy. Hopefully you got your money’s worth.

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Ok, so it was actually all about the money. It may not be tricking if you got it, but half your money is a lot to consistently trick, which leaves less money for actual tricking. Of course there are other more obvious reasons why you shouldn’t break your vows, but if that isn’t enough for you, a hit to the wallet might wake you up. I’m not trying to preach, but there’s just something about losing large sums of money at one time that deeply disturbs me. Don’t let Tiger’s losses be in vain. If you’ve taken vows don’t get caught on Facebook giving strange women lap dances break them. Unless you have a pre-nup…then
I suppose you can do whatever the f*ck you want.

“But I need that half Your Honor”,

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Comment(87)

  1. LOL. So the moral of the story is, don't cheat 'cause it's gonna cost a lot of money. The question I always had, especially in the case of Tiger Woods, is why even bother getting married. If I were a professional athlete and there were groupies in EVERY city and I knew I couldn't resist… I wouldn't worry about being married. You can ho-down and skip town scott free. Seems too easy…

      1. I think that Tiger got married for good….. PR. Before the "incident" Tiger Woods was the perfect man, with the perfect wife, with the perfect life !! Basically he was living a fake life and shit caught up to him

        1. But that's just the thing. He could have been just as successful as one of the 'Most Eligible Bachelors'. Being married didn't change how he was viewed. He was already famous when they did it.

    1. I think he got married for the same reason alot of cheating athletes get married….they need a woman who will be the CEO of their mansion and have their kids. Legacy. *Derwin voice*

      1. As an athlete I think its expected to have extra-marital affairs.. Most think that its part of the whole premise of being rich and famous… Yes you're married and have this fabulous life but you must also do things that keep your reputation at an all time high.. professional sports players are almost required to be unfaithful.. (IMHO)

  2. Well, I think Right Coast summed it up perfectly. LOL!!

    I'll also add that not only will you have to pay your future ex wife, but like Tiger, you may end up paying for your concubine's silence. So, not only are you getting stiffed by your ex, you lose big on an investment in discretion.

  3. Funny post. Today I was watching TV and saw a pic of Tiger flash across the screen and the only think I could think of was a) tiger is back on everybody good side and b) What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Clause?…. LOLOL

  4. Yeah, money is something to consider if a man cheats on his wife. He should also worry about her pulling a Lorena Bobbitt or Lisa “Left Eye” Lopez. Damn…It sucks to be a man if you step outside the marriage.

    Child support is a given, regardless of the legal system intervening. Fathers who don’t support their child/children (in all aspects of their life) are scumbags and they need to stop running away from their responsibilities.

    …Nas should have known Kelis was a little unstable.

    “I hate you so much right now…Aaaahhhhhhhhh!!!”

    What the hell??? I knew this chick was a nutcase when I was 12 yrs old.

    All I can say to men is do your best to not marry a vindictive, conniving little ______ and you’ll be straight. Good Luck.

  5. Okay…can someone explain to me why I have to pay her legal fees? Is this only for the instance of divorce because of cheating or divorce in general?

    I'm glad in going into my forever broke.

    1. I went thru a divorce…No, you don't have to pay her attorney/legal fees…My ex-husband didn't pay mines (and he cheated)..and trust me I asked my lawyer did he have to pay..she said, No…it doesn't work quite that way……maybe, if you're a baziliionaire you have to pay..but the every day joe getting a divorce…NO.

      1. Basically!! but sometimes if the husband is the sole breadwinner of the family or if he makes an significant amount more money than the wife there's a greater chance of him footing the cost of wife's legal/court fees.

        1. Really? Because he was the sole breadwinner and he made significantly more…still no payment of my legal fees……I am not sure how that is determined. If its state by state..or case by case..but, I paid my own fees.

        2. QueenT:

          My girlfriend ex-hubby had and did pay hers, but then again he was the one who served her with PAPERS, so maybe that had something to do with it. *Shrug* I'll ask her.

        3. He served me with papers?! I am just blown right now that I had to pay my own fees…but I definitely looked into it..and it wasn't an option.

    2. It is customary to sue for costs…both parties can do it. The judge decides if one person pays all the fees or if each person pays their own.

      As far as the whole…who filed, who's the "bread winner", and who is at fault……I think it all comes into play when the judge is deciding. In my case, I was the one who filed, he was at fault (forgot he had a wife and kids (created another life with someone else), I am the bread winner or shall we say bread crumb winner–if that's "winning"…for the last 3 yrs he has claimed to not have a job–he owns a construction company, gets $$ under the table and claims "0 income" on his tax returns….all that to say–judge determined he pay all attorney's fees.

      There are gals out there that don't wish to drain their ex for every dime….I did not go for gold in my divorce, I only asked for literally what my kiddos needed to survive (less than what the state of Texas states should be awarded)…the judge ruled otherwise. Each case is different…the judge saw him for what he was…a father/husband who abandoned his family to go "play" and ignored all of his financial responsibility towards his family. He rubbed the judge the wrong way from the beginning…he didn't even bother to show up to the divorce trial–he called in and we proceeded with him on speaker phone. The judge ruled 100% in my favor…however, she took it upon herself to base the child support numbers on his "potential earnings" rather than what he claims to earn. He walked away from an extremely well paying job to go into construction. The judge also awarded me alimony, spousal support (for 6 months), and that he pay for health insurance. He walked away 6 years ago–didn't see a dime that entire time and my divorce was final 9 months ago…..since then, I have seen $100 total. Being awarded "X" number of dollars is one thing, and actually getting it is another.

      1. "He walked away 6 years ago–didn’t see a dime that entire time and my divorce was final 9 months ago…..since then, I have seen $100 total. Being awarded “X” number of dollars is one thing, and actually getting it is another."

        Lawd Sweet Baby Vespa…… smh*

        Well now they throw your azz under the jail cell, suspend your license, and take your passport — well at least in the State of New York they do.

        1. The Attorney General has gotten involved….the AG and I stay in close contact! 🙂

          I know it is just a matter of time before his selfish ways catch up with him.

          Kharma + the AG = Bad news for him

          Salt in the wound…he is currently building a brand new house! Oy vey!

          He can have all his material things…I have the 3 most amazing kids that I get to enjoy being with daily. I wouldn't trade their funny stories, infectious laughs, stinky toes (yes, stinky toes), talent shows, hugs, or just the day-to-day things with those rugrats for anything. Gatta love when they start pushing all the furniture to the outter most part of the room…I ask why they are doing that, and their response is…"why? Well, because we like our beats fast and our base down low–now get up and choreograph a dance routine for us!" Ya just never know with them–I love it!

      2. Yeah, I didn't go for the jackpot either..I just wanted our home and the car…I did receive spousal support for a year..and child support was ordered…and I got a lump sum cash payment..so, it wasn't a fail…..I could have went for half of his pension with the federal government which was quite substantial at the time…but, the house may have been in question..and mind you the house was paid for already…so, no mortgage to pay…only taxes and utilites…so, I think I did okay…..everybody keeps saying I should have went for the pension..but I'm good. I didn't even go to trial…because we ended up agreeing to terms…but, this new wife he has now…now she will go for everything……

  6. i'm sleepy, delirious, suffering from insomnia and there are little flashes of light in my pupils and ringing in my ears, but… i kept hearing…

    money h*es and clothes, all a n*gga knows.

    …as i read this. except now he has no money to get new clothes and h*es with all their teeth usually don't like broke dudes. so i suppose staying with the wife is fuquan's only choice.

    funny post.

  7. 2 things…if they come off the wrong way….ehh…It's Venom's fault.

    1. this was a funny post, and like you said, it's all about the money…but for me…there are 2 more reasons. first off, even though i believe in God, i think here is a form of karma that encircles the world…so i would never do something painful as to cheat on my wife (if i'm ever married), because the pain i would've called, would come back on me. Secondly….as crazy as women are, i couldn't bounce between multiple women. 1 crazy women > 2 crazy women.

    2. anyone notice that while tiger was getting it in, he was one of the most dominant athletes in a sport..but after this…it's like his mojo is gone? i mean, he did get one under par Thursday at the Masters…but we shall see…

  8. LAWD!!! You mean I will have to pay for her court proceedings if we having a divorce? Mann thanks for puting this info out here because I never even knew about this. So if my wife should cheat on me and I want a divorce will I still go through the same thing? Goddamn…

    1. On the real….You will not have to pay for HER attorney if you cheat..it doesn't work like that…there is alot of mis-information out there about divorce proceedings and money….I could teach a class on it…I had to pay for my own Attorny fees and my husband cheated…

  9. I have the soul of a cheater, but I gave up the practice once I started watching A&E. I've seen too many episodes of The First 48 and Cold Case Files where someone was cheating on their spouse and so the spouse decided to kill them in some heinous effed up way. I don't want to be murdered, so I don't cheat.

    1. How about snapped? Although it's women on there it scares the bejeesus out of me. Anyone can snap.

  10. "It’s only logical that the more kids you have, the more money you will be paying and makes the countdown to 18 that much longer."

    FYI: Try 21- 23!!! If the child goes to school.

  11. Couldn't this list also be called "4 Reason Not To Get Married Until the Laws Have Been Updated"?

    The laws act like it's still 1947.

  12. I know this dude who knows that as soon as his wife get the money she filing for divorce, this n*gga selling all his shit and running up his credit cards. And that's what I like to call a chain reaction!

  13. This was a great post RCLS – definitely laughed out loud a couple times in that first paragraph… good stuff.

    That said, I think all of the above is true when you're talking about people's whose net worth exceeds 10 million or so. The lower the net worth of the couple, the more complex it gets.

    For regular folk – meaning, non-millionaires (net worth less than 10 Million) it's cheaper to keep her and for her, it's cheaper to keep him. If, as a man, you make a decent income, say 100-150k per year and your wife makes a decent income, say 75-100k per year and you guys have 1 home, 2 cars and 2 kids under the age of 10, if you get divorced, even with alimony and child support, neither of you will be able to afford to live the life you were living before the divorce. Most marriages in this category will survive infidelity on the part of either spouse because maintaining the current lifestyle, for yourselves, and for the kids trumps all. If everything else in the marriage is strong, people just do the best to forget the infidelity, maybe do a little counseling and keep on pushing. As long as the infidelity wasn't egregious – like – dude had mistress for 5 or 6 years and had babies outside an all that, or, as long as shorty doesn't turn up pregnant by another dude or something like that – folks just put it aside and keep going.

    I think for the most part, rich people break up over male infidelity because the woman knows she can come up and still live a great life. If Tiger had an iron clad prenuptial agreement that left her with say, 5 or 10 million in the event they broke up, I'm pretty certain she would have sucked it up and made it work.

    The biggest cause of divorce in this country are arguments over finances in households that are getting by check to check. This is because these divorces are usually uncontested – where, there aren't really any major assets or large savings accounts to split up, there aren't any alimony checks to be written, at most, it's just child support. Aside from that – people just move on and go their separate ways.

    Good post.

    1. I don't believe that stat about finances, probably won't ever believe it. I think the biggest cause of divorce is the fact that people get married for the wrong reasons.

      Anyway, Tiger had an iron clad prenupt. But prenupt are like breach of contract clauses, they get overturned easily. The problem with that situation is that Elin had some dumb b*tches in her ear telling her all the wrong things to do. She should have stayed with him. She had a deal to make $75 mil to stay with him for 5 years, he was willing to up it to $150 mil to stay 7 years. That was dumb, 2 years/75 mil, Jordan would suck Tiger off for that much dough. Plus, she ended up only getting like $300 mil, no custody of the kids, and she lives on Tiger's property. In the end… Tiger came out on top in that situation. He celebrated his divorce by buying a penthouse in downtown Manhattan. Elin was dumb. Someone said, take half, and she bit on it because after all the depository was only a housewife, former nanny, former model, who didn't know the difference between a sneeze and a wet fart.

      1. "I think the biggest cause of divorce is the fact that people get married for the wrong reasons. "

        Cosign.

      2. "Elin was dumb." o__o

        How you figure because at the end of the day………

        Even though

        "Someone said, take half, and she bit on it because after all the depository was only a housewife, former nanny, former model, who didn’t know the difference between a sneeze and a wet fart."

        She Still Got Paid! Now she's a multimillionare. 300 that is!!

        1. On A Serious Note: No matter how much money she got or didn't get it still won't put her family back together and rectify what transpired that led up to the divorce.

        2. You know what's funny about getting paid… the $300 million is paid out over years. She'll probably die and her kids will get it, which they would have gotten already. She could have stayed with him and moved out to the house on his property that she's living on right now. $300 million ain't gonna change that you never get to see your kids when you want to. And that you know Tiger be f*cking other chicks around your kids on the reg.

          Hypothetically she could call JD Wentworth and get the money when she wants it. But they be raping everybody out here. She'll probably take home like $150, then pay taxes.

          Here's the kicker, she could have stayed with him and had access to the billion dollars of wealth.

          And you know what's better???? There's a line on your taxes that says Child Support and Alimony…. TIGER WRITES THIS SH*T OFF!!!

          In the words of Randy Moss, "Straight cash homey. Next time i'll shake my d*ck"

        3. 'Child Support and Alimony…. TIGER WRITES THIS SH*T OFF!!!"

          Child Support IS NOT tax deductible.. ONLY Alimony.

          At the end of the day, She's still "A MegaRich Beyotch" with her dignity.

          Eff Tiger with his knobby kneecaps. *lol*

      3. The face that people get married "for the wrong reasons" isn't really a reason why people get divorced. Plenty of folks get married for the wrong reasons and end up making it. There's no right reason to get married. Everyone has their own. What counts is how you make it work. Divorce happens because people decide they don't want to be together anymore. It's as simple as that.

  14. Once again, I enjoyed this post!!! I think this will scare dudes much more than morals & diseases would. Sad, but true. There's nothing like a successful man picturing losing having of all that he is worth. I'm wondering if it would be the same for women if she was the bread winner in the family..hmmm. Wouldn't that be something? Anyway, Thanks for the great read. I look forward to your future posts. 😀

  15. Here's my 4 reasons why you shouldn't cheat on <del>me</del> your wife:

    * You find that your jump off was a decoy set up by ME…oh and she has herpes. SURPRISE!

    * You may wake up one morning and find your d*ck has been cut off and shoved in your mouth.

    * I withdraw all of the money from your bank accounts, put it in your car and light that bish on fire.

    * I kill you

    Yep that pretty much sums it all up.

    1. Wait A Minute Now…. BURN THE MONEY??!!!!

      Nah, pull a Shawnie O'Neal and start buying your own *ish* in your name.

  16. "I have the soul of a cheater" (which is why I love Max so much).

    You know how many times we've had this conversation in my house? Neither one of us is willing to give up our current lifestyles — it ain't that deep, we're all dug the f* in — nobody is going anywhere in my house. Keep it moving…keep it moving….checks and balances. Do we still love each other? Yep? KEEP IT MOVING…KEEP IT MOVING…STOP THE DRAMA.

  17. "You can cop that book from the dude in the funny jacket to see if you can get a government grant, but it’s probably not going to happen."

    iBout died. Obscure infomercial reference for the win!

    These are great reasons, especially since most men love their money so it'll hit closer to home and register in the deep recesses of their hearts, minds, and souls. I'm not saying men don’t love their wives but………………..

  18. Too funny…
    I really wish couples who divorce would stop lying about their finances, getting me involved in their B I biz. I've seen it all. People calling me or having their attorney dial my extension because I released some payroll records and retirement benefits. All you need is a index number and a subpoena and your cover is blown. I've had to produce e-mails of associates cheating with co workers, setting up 'business' trips on company accounts because some ot made them feel alive again. All I'm saying is big brother is watchin on some level so please don't think you won't get found out.Q

  19. By 2025, marriage will start its "extinction" process….its either divorce or death in the end for men…..

  20. 1: this should have been titled "reasons not to get divorced"…

    2: why don't you talk about the moral aspects of why you shouldn't cheat

    for example : YOU'LL BREAK HER HEART…YOU COULD NEGATIVELY AFFECT YOUR REALTIONSHIP WITH YOUR CHILDREN.(no person likes their momma being disrespected)

    SHE'LL LEAVE YOU AND THEN SHE'LL TAKE YOUR MONEY

    3: IF A WOMAN SETTLES DOWN WITH YOUR ASS, BUILDS A LIFE WITH YOU HAS YOUR CHILDREN AND LOSES HER FIGURE TO DO SO- AND THEN YOU CHEAT CAUSE YOU SIMPLY HAVE NO WILL POWER THEN SHE SHOULD/WILL TAKE WHAT SHE CAN GET CAUSE WHO DO YOU THINK WILL HAVE THE CUSTODY/ RAISE THE CHILDREN?

    im a fan but this honestly sucks and is extremely shallow.

    -justsaying

    1. Umm…maybe you missed this part of the post: " Of course there are other more obvious reasons why you shouldn’t break your vows, but if that isn’t enough for you, a hit to the wallet might wake you up…"

      Hence, it is implied that there are more reasons not to cheat, but the author decided to just focus on one specific angle, which in this case was the money angle. Just because they listed 4 reasons doesn't mean they're implying there are just 4 and that's it (which he made clear in what I quoted). Nothing wrong with narrowing the focus of your subject matter to spark specific dialouge.

    1. "5th reason – STDs

      It is not a game out there"

      This should have been 1st reason…if you get 'THAT' disease…money will be the least of your worries.

  21. At the end of the day I always say "Maintaining a Wife and A Mistress on the side is a RICH MAN'S SPORT… If you can't afford to Pay then homie you better not Play!!!

  22. Yeah ^^^All That^^^ is why I don't want to marry, so I won't end up getting a divorce. All I've seen in life is really bad relationship/dead-end marriages. It's scary.

  23. For me, its not just about the money. Its about the reasoning. Why? But when I get married, if my husband ever does cheat on, he will endure my fury. Then, I will be taking his money. Not because ill need it but for the emotional distress he put me me through. If I'm ever going to cheat on my man, ill tell him its not working out and end it. No need to string him along and get riled up by emotions. Plus, ill probally go crazy so he probally does not wanna go there lol

  24. Well, hopefully these aren't the only reasons not to cheat and hopefully not the top 5. I don't have any statistics to back this statement, just those women that I know who are divorced with kids. Their lives seem to contradict RightCoast. What money? Also, if we are talking about super rich and famous people, it isn't like they represent every day folks.

    On another note, I'm quite sure that Elin is a nice young lady. 🙂 Leave dat woman alone. We don't really know her or Tiger. But then again…as they say…whateva…or….who really cares?

  25. This was a funny post, I enjoyed it, especially reading comments. All in all, don't get married if you can't handle commitment. Don't get married for the sake of kids (you should be using contraception anyway). Don't get married if all you see down the line is divorce. Don't get married (ladies) because your friends are already married and you don't want to be left out.

    Get married because you actually LOVE your partner. Get married because you actually want to build a future, and you understand that to build a bright future, you must play your part in the relationship. No socially-constructed gender roles here, but be an active partner: MEN – be that strong man who provides. Profess your love, show your love, don't be afraid to show tenderness. Be her Zulu warrior!! WOMEN – be that strong woman who supports. Accept his love, allow him to be the man [let's hope] he was taught to be. Be that woman [let's hope] you were taught to be. Be his Nubian queen!!

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