Home About Me The One That Got Away: An Ode To Almost Love

The One That Got Away: An Ode To Almost Love

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Fate Was Not On Their Side

Throughout the course of our lives most of us have relationships that run the full gamut between success and failure. We have relationships where we end up breaking hearts and relationships where our hearts end up broken. We have relationships that end in disappointment and then we have relationships that are life fulfilling answers to everything we’ve ever prayed for. In today’s post, I want to explore another kind of relationship. Today I want to explore the relationship that just ends. It doesn’t end because someone cheated or lost interest and it doesn’t end because of some great misdeed. Sometimes the universe just conspires against a relationship never allowing it to reach its full potential despite every feeling we have that leads us to believe it should be the contrary.

A Story:

My freshman year in college I met girl. I noticed her walking from our quad to class and when I got to class, she was there. I didn’t sit next to her because you don’t want to come off too thirsty in these situations. But, upon leaving class I did make it a point to introduce myself and walk with her back to the quad. The chemistry was immediate. I was the extroverted-know-it-all-comfortable-being silly-yin to her introverted-but-sure-of-herself-while-still-humorously-quick-witted-yang. We got back to the quad exchanged phone #’s and agreed to hang out later. Later came we hung out and it felt right. In the coming months we spent so much time together that I began to forget what I did with my free time before knowing her.

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She had a boyfriend back home in Queens – her first everything. It was your typical freshman year story. Smart girl from inner-city goes off to college leaving behind a bum a** boyfriend who wasn’t doing anything with his life. He goes through separation anxiety – realizing her new experiences and environment were loosening his once unshakeable hold over her. (Ok, in all fairness, maybe he wasn’t really a bum but just seemed that way to me.) At first, the fact that she had a boyfriend didn’t slow down our burgeoning friendship, in fact, it enhanced the foundation for something great because I was too much of a gentleman to really make a move on someone who already had a man, so instead, we just got to know each other.

The beautiful innocence of it was intoxicating and addictive. We talked all the time, walked each other to and from class, ate lunch in the cafeteria together and fell asleep watching Love Jones and Boomerang in each other’s dorm rooms. Eventually we both wanted more. I decided to fall back to let her work out her situation with her boyfriend – not wanting to be the wedge that broke them up. We still hung out, just not nearly as much. I figured, worst case scenario, she’ll go home for winter break see him through new eyes, realize just how much bigger the world was and we could explore each other more when we got back to school.

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But alas –  fate was not on our side. As the semester began to wind down, she dropped a bomb on me. Her parents were moving … to Virginia. She would be transferring and not returning. As the semester came to a close, things just weren’t the same; the clouds of the inevitability of permanent separation loomed over what it seemed should have been beautiful, bright, sunny days together in the coming spring.  I think we both felt defeated – like – it just wasn’t meant to be. These new cancerously debilitating molecules threw off our previously perfect chemistry and our good bye ended up being nothing more than a simple, short, hug and kiss on the cheek – and that was that.

I never spoke to her again and have never found out what became of her. At that age, your memory is short, you move on quick, plus, there were plenty of fish in the sea of my campus. Now that I’m happily married, far removed from college life and able to look back objectively at all the women I’ve known and all the relationships I’ve had, that one stands out. I guess it holds a special place because of how perfect it was for a time, how perfect it seemed like it could have been, and how quick but subtle our transition from kindred spirit to fading memory turned out to be. We had barely any mutual friends while in school, no pictures of us together were ever taken, and I’m not even sure either of us correctly remembers each others last name. What we had – whatever it was – sits in a little box in my mind as a brief but memorable encounter with perfection.  Every so often she’ll pop into my head and I’ll send warm wishes and good tidings up into the universe that so deftly conspired against us, hoping they’ll land on her, where ever she might be.  Somewhere out there she lives, hopefully as happy and blissfully content with her life as I am with mine and hopefully holding the same fond memories of her time with me as I hold of my time with her.  She’s the one that got away… and I’m o.k. with that.

See Also:  Why the Right Man or Woman is NOT Going to Make You a Better Person

So what about y’all? Have you all ever had a relationship that seemed so equally perfect and doomed at the same time? Has fate, time and circumstance ever hated on you something awful? Ever met an amazing someone in a coffee shop, exchanged numbers only to lose the number before you had a chance to make the call, never to see the person again? Do you have a person that stands out in your mind as the one who got away?  Feel free to share your stories in the comments.

See y’all in 2 Fridays. Till then:

Stay Low and Keep Firing.

Comment(188)

    1. Hmmm… I was having a discussion with someone about a <DEL> failed </DEL> marriage and she was very reluctant to broach about the subject… So, I said basically, lend me write a letter about all my epic f.uck ups… Reliving a lot of past events REALLY suck… But let me share some of the e-mail with y’all…

      I am tired, so I will shorten up the story to make some points… Any questions, feel free to ask… I should have made the story more detailed, but I will fill up the details later today IF ASKED…

      I change names to protect the not so innocent

      Now onto my FIRST LOVE named Dee

      We met when we were 15 (Scorpio 1987 vs. Pisces 1988) in a church in the Bronx in 2003… I used to travel to church to the BX from Queens… To sum it up… I used to GO HARD… I used to buy her stuff… I used to show up to her house unannounced (her mothers loved me)… I went to her talent show (sigh, that hurts)… I tried to win her heart through friendship… While I was doing that… She had about 7+ boyfriends (we were heavy petting during those moments…) but I never really got the BF title… I never got to hit it (most of her BFs did), although I never really wanted to, I just wanted to worship her, love her, adore her…

      Well, my world turned upside down in the fall 2006, fall 2006, Dee dated my sister's ex-fiance Patrick for a whole year (she moved to Queens & everything, I could never get Dee to come out to Queens)… Keep in mind, for a short while, dude was sleeping over my house and I would come home from high school while he was on the phone with HER (Fall 2006 was one of the darkest moments of my life)… They broke up…

      And today, Patrick, is married… to someone else… (Early 2011) Oh and he came and asked me if he could date her before he dated her (I said yes)…

      Dee is a single mother whose baby father who (I think is still) is in jail… (I still don't fully embrace Karma though…) I know this story seems like it is not my fault but…

      – I gave him the go-ahead to date her, then turn around and got mad later…

      – I let Dee walk all over me… Sometime I even pressured her to be with me…

      – I should have been a MAN, first, with some backbone, and I would have gotten better results…

      All this still hurts even though this was 4 years ago… Hurts alot…

      My big knock on Dee, is having a child… Everything else I allow her to do, basically whatever she wanted to my heart…

      Even though I still love her to death, I will never get to experience us having our first child together simultaneously… No she will never get a ring… I still wanna toot it & boot it though… That is what I call CLOSURE…

      And (which I believe with a lot of Single Mother who get prego (and the dude is unsupportive) pass up the dude who if got her prego, would have at least been willing & able to take care of a seed… (That is me…)

      I learned a lot about life & women after that experience… and it really was a character building moment…

      And although I cannot think of the positive right now… A lot of people will get to benefit from me licking my wounds…

      And I appreciate the fact that I can give my gift to the world and make relationships between men & women as a whole better…

      Enjoy your morning guys… & Fire away…

      Adonis

      1. This was like the prologue to every comment you've ever written here. This must be how Frazier felt after a session with his patients. wow.

        Experiences man… I tell you!

      2. Not for nothing, I always thought there was a REASON behind your Cynicism, Sarcasm and Jadedness.

        Thanks for opening up.

        *E-hug*

        Love Your Comment!!!!

      3. *thinks of how to word this*

        I agree with everyone else here that this helps explain why you think the way you do. I'm glad to have heard about this experience and I'm sorry that you went through it. That said, I still don't think it's reason enough to be jaded and cynical. Everybody has pain, everybody has been hurt in one way or another (especially before they reach adulthood). Most people don't deal with that pain by letting it cast shadows on every thought they have in regards to the opposite sex/parents/friends/people in general. There are a lot of people in this world who have gone through much worse than unrequited love (and being taken advantage of) while they were in their teens and they still don't let it shape their foundation/core the way you seem to have.

        In all fairness, I am the most insensitive person when it comes to using your past to excuse your current behavior/thoughts. Also in fairness, you didn't do that in this comment, but I have read comments from you in the past that do exactly that.

        1. Author: sanen85

          Comment:

          *thinks of how to word this*

          I agree with everyone else here that this helps explain why you think the way you do. I'm glad to have heard about this experience and I'm sorry that you went through it.

          Thanks & your apologies are not necessary

          That said, I still don't think it's reason enough to be jaded and cynical. Everybody has pain, everybody has been hurt in one way or another (especially before they reach adulthood).

          I disagree with your assertion that

          "Most people don't deal with that pain by letting it cast shadows on every thought they have in regards to the opposite sex/parents/friends/people in general."

          But that is hard to disprove so I will just simply disagree…

          Let me recap my thoughts/generalizations

          – Single mothers are good for f*cking & Super-Short-Term Relationships

          – White Women, pound for pound, are easier to deal with than Black Women… Their maybe a few holes in this, but their is alot truth in this statement…

          – Women need to choose better men to sleep with… If not for themselves, at least for their children…

          – When I am dating fat & ugly women who want to give me the easy p*ssy, I want some money out of the deal also…

          – I don't get into a legal marriage, because the American divorce laws suck…

          – I love the fact that women want equality & equal rights… But then they get their "women privileges" revoked… no cake & eat it too…

          I agree that I am alittle bitter, but please get to know me on a deep level and then re-evaluate your assertions… I'll leave it at that…

          There are a lot of people in this world who have gone through much worse than unrequited love (and being taken advantage of) while they were in their teens and they still don't let it shape their foundation/core the way you seem to have.

          I agree… I don't even know what my foundation/core is, but you seem to have me all figured out… Streetz is STILL trying to figure me out… So, although I am not sure if I agree with you… I will just concede the point because I have no real response to this… It is too many issues we haven't addressed before I can wrap my arms around your statement…

          And that is JUST ONE story I chose to share with you… I do have worse experiences…

          In all fairness, I am the most insensitive person when it comes to using your past to excuse your current behavior/thoughts. Also in fairness, you didn't do that in this comment, but I have read comments from you in the past that do exactly that.

          Out of all the things you said today… I want you to do your research and point to the comments where I do exactly that… You may be right… But I am not conceding yet…

          And let me add to this…

          Dee wasn't the sole reason why I think less of BW as a collective… I have my specific women (& men) I have my specific gripes with…

          And then I have the people who I meet in my future who fall into my generalizations… That is where the CORE of my opinions come from…

          It is refreshing when a BW doesn't fit any of her stereotypes and is physically attractive and is into me…

          It is refreshing when you hear of women who have legitimate gripes with men, and taken responsibility for their bullsh*t…

          The only thing I know FOR SURE in life is that if I change myself… my world changes…

          And as long as I know this, I will be fine…

          Thank you for the lack of sympathy… You are definitely the type of friend I was love to have in my circle…

          (OFF TOPIC)

          Keep in mind that TMIMITW wrote this… So I am just following suit on my POV… If he wrote about how GREAT BW are… I would probably put my two cents in that… and it would be positive…

          It was hard to write a post knowing that I would get pity from the people who read it, but I am helping the people who need to read my life experiences… So they can be better humans…

      4. I thought this was really going to shed some insight and it really didn't. I feel sorry for you dude, but this what you should have done; go find someone else to sleep with and have kids with.

        Keep it trilla.

  1. Most I dig your writing style. Yeah there is always that one that got away. But what about the ones that should have gotten away?

    Have you ever experienced those girls who you remember from let's say high school who you had a connection with, then they hunt you down on facebook and it's like WHY! Why did you ruin my perfect image of you being your perfect self? I'm not talking about physical image, everyone's body changes, I'm talking about their personality becoming jaded and depressed since you last spoke to them. Why are you poking me, messaging me, and chatting me things that ruin that past image? I've had this happen with two girls recently and it kind of tainted my memories to the point where I'm like– yeah no high school reunion for me. I'm sure I'm not the only one who wishes that their ex-boo didn't track them down years later.

    1. This has definitely happened to me fam. One was a chick from high school who I reconnected with midway through college – I was like, way different and she seemed like the exact same person. Made me feel like… what the hell was I thinking. Facebook is great for that too. That's why I keep my joint locked down.I want my memories to stay pure.

      1. I think that's because we have an image of people at different times in our lives.

        I remember the teachers I idolized and held a certain place in my head. I would go back to the school, as an adult and see them. They've aged, and they are more tangible, more real. They drop the veil of "teacher" and you see the real them. It's definitely not bad, it's almost like meeting your favorite entertainer and seeing that they are real people, but you still feel like "wow… this is you?"

        As we lose our innocence, and gain more realism, we see life for what it is and people too. Its a natural progression.

        1. <blockquote cite="comment-291586">

          Streetz:

          As we lose our innocence, and gain more realism, we see life for what it is and people too. Its a natural progression.

          Look you, all mature and sh*t. Well stated, sir. Well stated.

    2. I've experienced that too, the flashback to the high school relationship and then seeing that person years later and thinking wow, were you really like this all along. Then feeling like maybe I dodged a bullet by not being with that person anymore. But then I think that maybe if we has stayed together, he wouldn't be bad off/lame/not on my level etc etc (not to say I think I'm the ish and could change him, just that maybe us supporting one another may have led him to be better off in life). Playing that "what if" game with past relationships is just a vicious cycle of thoughts.

    3. I'll co-sign on this as well. My first love is a serious embarrassment to me now, LMBO! A blemish on my record. I wish I was exaggerating…

      1. Girl, I feel you. it is the same with me when I look back on my high school boyfriend (that I was foolish enough to stay with all thru high school & undergrad)…looking back now almost 15 years later…shame, shame, shame…lol

  2. What a beautiful story. I became soft and pink with every line I read, which is a transcendence I rarely feel (except when it comes to children and animals). I’ve never experienced a moment of “the one that got away”. I’ve met good men, but never one who’s swept me off my feet.

      1. CHeeKZ Money,

        You have a filthy mind. Get it out the gutter. Lol

        Soft and pink…As in emotional and girly. Soft and pink is not slang for “my vagina”.

    1. Thanks for this… I love when women are soft and pink.

      Sorry – I had to – that was too easy.

      Seriously though, thanks for the compliment. While writing this, I was hoping people would feel it… like really feel it. That my writing made you feel a way is really rewarding for me. Makes me feel like I did something right.

      1. I was def feeling this post and thought it was very thoughtful & mature. Although I have not experienced anyone in that way…the one that "got away" actually didn't we ended up reconnected and married 🙂

    2. <blockquote cite="comment-291190">

      Christina:
      I’ve never experienced a moment of “the one that got away”. I’ve met good men, but never one who’s swept me off my feet.

      I sincerely hope that you never do…it changes a person.

      Find love, yes. Find it and lose it? I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

  3. Great post. I also like the picture you went with. I think we all know Puff stays jaded over how that situation went down.

    I've had at least a couple or a few that "got away." Perhaps I'll eventually write about them. In my situations, it was a mixture of fate and my lack of pursuit. As a result, I sometimes wonder what if I had done "this" or "that" differently, how would things have worked out? A part of me believes everything happens for a reason but another part of me wonders if I'm the reason such things happened.

    Of course, I think when you're younger it's a lot easier to see the world through "rose tinted glasses." Many of those relationships I saw as "perfect" in my youth would not have stood the test of time. Moreover, when you reflect back on relationships many of us, for whatever reason, tend to latch onto the good over the bad. Thus, no matter how the relationship was in reality it becomes improved in our memory. I think in the case you described, it's great that moment was never ruined for you – not to say it would have been – but you'll always have the good times to reflect back on.

    Sadly, sometimes potential relationships are greater than actual relationships.

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-291282">

      WisdomIsMisery:

      Moreover, when you reflect back on relationships many of us, for whatever reason, tend to latch onto the good over the bad. Thus, no matter how the relationship was in reality it becomes improved in our memory.

      i say this all the time. our memory romanticizes, and nostalgia erases all the negatives that were present during that time. i don't necessarily think this is a bad thing though. it's nice to think back and see one "perfect" situation in your past.

    2. <blockquote cite="comment-291282">

      WisdomIsMisery: Of course, I think when you’re younger it’s a lot easier to see the world through “rose tinted glasses.”

      I agree… And if this romance happened during H.S. or College I think it is easier to see it that way because it was just such a simple time. No financial burden on the relationship. In HS I was happy if the guy bought me some little $1 trinket to show how much he cared.

      *sings* 'Can it be that it was all just so simple then…'

    3. "I think when you’re younger it’s a lot easier to see the world through “rose tinted glasses.” Many of those relationships I saw as “perfect” in my youth would not have stood the test of time. Moreover, when you reflect back on relationships many of us, for whatever reason, tend to latch onto the good over the bad. Thus, no matter how the relationship was in reality it becomes improved in our memory."

      Well said.

  4. 2 days into my acquaintance with SBM and I'm all emotional! This was absolutely insane (in a good way) and sent me down "back down memory lane". Its been about 5 or 6 years. He is in the military and I am a working civilian. We had a friend in common that we interacted quite often with via group type emails and found we had a lot in common so we became pen pals of sorts emailing each other back and forth sharing our love for poems, music, and photography. We would send each other pictures from our travels and discuss our relationships. We became virtual friends. This last a couple of years. Life saw fit for me to travel to the town where he was stationed for a work assignment so I was able to finally meet him in person. He was absolutely beautiful, l even more so than his pictures. He surpassed every expectation. Since we'd were e-friends and discussed so much he planned to show off his culinary skills he bought all my favorites everything down to the juice I'd like to drink. Because we were so engaged in conversation time got away from us and we decided to walk to grab a bite to eat. It felt like i'd known him all my life. We ate dinner at one spot, grabbed desert and drinks at another, then danced in the middle of his living room while drinking his signature martinis. It was time for me to head back to my hotel but we both realized it was 3AM and he didn't live in the best neighborhood so he changed his sheets for me to sleep alone, but the couch was the bed for the evening for us both. In the morning he offered to prepare breakfast but we both had to go to work so we parted. Once I arrived home we spoke on the phone for a couple of weeks with plans to meet up again soon. But life once again stepped in and he was given orders to serve in another part of the world and we lost touch. Last year I found him on facebook and of course he's married. Even today its still the best date I've ever had.

    1. Wow Nina, what a great story. I know your heart had to sink a little when you found out son was married. But hopefully, that perfect relationship is somewhere in your future and then, you'll be able to look back on that date as something that perfect in it's on way… not as a missed opportunity.

      But homey really went in on his wine and dine tip. I appreciate homey's thoroughness. Great story.

      1. Most – I was sad but happy for him at the same time when I found out he is married because he's a great guy. I am hopeful for the perfect relationship and just taking my time!

  5. <blockquote cite="comment-291282">

    WisdomIsMisery:

    Great post. I also like the picture you went with. I think we all know Puff stays jaded over how that situation went down.

    It wasn't even the Puff/ J Lo pic that got my mind opened. It was the Damon Dash and Aaliyah that got me teary eyed ready to read this post. Like Damn, dudes had really found their one and it had snatched out grips by chance, fate, and heavy cargo. Shame. Who knows if Jay leaves Dame if he still carried the influence of being Aaliyah's man. Would have given Dame more clout. I'm just basing that off of other music power couple relationships, seems like people in famous relationship keep their relevancy longer due to public interest.

    1. It wasn’t even the Puff/ J Lo pic that got my mind opened. It was the Damon Dash and Aaliyah that got me teary eyed ready to read this post.

      *HandsCheeKZMoneyaKleenex*

      My sentiments exactly when I saw this pic. But I am a little baffled — who is the chick in front of Damon he holding around the waist but Aaliyah is standing behind him? They (Damon and Aaliyah) were together during that time weren't they? *confused*

      1. Yo actually, I think Aaliyah was with J at that point. Both J and Dame dated her though, the relationship with Dame seems to be the more serious of the two and the one that was happening when she passed away.

        So she's the one that got away for both of them…

        1. Don't say nothing!

          Aaliyah was 19 and Jay-Z was 30. But they won't tell you about that. People always hate on dudes for liking little girls, but they don't say nothing about women who have daddy complexes.

          That was a joke. I'm just saying…Aaliyah was 15 when she married R. Kelly, 27. Now what that means is…

    2. <blockquote cite="comment-291396">

      CHeeKZ Money: It wasn’t even the Puff/ J Lo pic that got my mind opened. It was the Damon Dash and Aaliyah that got me teary eyed ready to read this post.Like Damn, dudes had really found their one and it had snatched out grips by chance, fate, and heavy cargo.Shame.Who knows if Jay leaves Dame if he still carried the influence of being Aaliyah’s man.Would have given Dame more clout.I’m just basing that off of other music power couple relationships, seems like people in famous relationship keep their relevancy longer due to public interest.

      I honestly had NO idea that was Aaliyah in that pic…….Soooo is there a registration window for me to turn in my black card? How does this work?

      *lowers head in shame*

      1. I totally noticed. That whole "Hottest chick in the game, wearing my chain" was way before Beyonce & Jay. It was about Aaliyah and Dame.

  6. So Most?

    Is it safe to say that you feel, even though you made the right decision on who you married, it is possible to have married someone else and also made a good choice?

    Sometimes I get to know women and think to myself: "hey *Erykah Badu, Next Lifetime* I could have been happy spending forever with that smile and laugh". I don't want another smile, but I appreciate this new one that I am getting to know. But the way some people process 'love' in their minds, that would mean I was making a wrong decision about my person.

  7. The one that got away. Dare I say the one that I actually cared what she felt. Most, you got me feeling some kind a way thinking about what could've been. But like CHeeKZ said, it's kinda like an Erykah song. The "what if" game can be a very cruel stab to the chest, but ultimately sometimes the thought of what could have been and the reality are far from similar. Memory is a very unreliable narrator of the past, that tends to overemphasize all the good and downplay the lesser moments. Who knows? Maybe in some alternative Fringe-style universe we're happily married (and sh*).

    Might be a good time to Facebook stalk re-connect with her. Good post!

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-291475">

      TWIsM81:

      he “what if” game can be a very cruel stab to the chest, but ultimately sometimes the thought of what could have been and the reality are far from similar.

      Who knows? Maybe in some alternative Fringe-style universe we’re happily married (and sh*).

      Might be a good time to Facebook stalk re-connect with her.Good post!

      Its funny because as I said in my post I did – but he is married now – so although in my head he got away …..did he really? LOL

  8. I have two ones that got away. I have the classic right person, wrong time story with my first boyfriend that everyone has heard a million times.

    Then there's the one who got away even though he is still around. He's the one that I met, fell for, decided he was out of my league and mishandled the situation in such a way as to make it nearly impossible for me to get what I want from him. He's always around though, so he hasn't gotten away in the sense of us losing touch or living far away from each other, but just in the sense that I can't have with him what I could have had if only I had just been smarter.

  9. I didn't really have :"one that got away"….I don't really look at my past relationships like that…the break-ups were necessary…and I harbored no ill will…in fact, I remained in touch with most of them for many years afterwards….and, in doing so, I got a chance to see the future…and it didn't look to bright….so, my life turned out great without them…..I think, in alot of cases…they may view ME as the one that got away…….in fact, I know for sure they do….they all came back..and I had moved on…..

  10. i just took the time to type a detailed response, pressed post comment, and it's not here. booo hiss booo right now. lol nottypingallthatagain.

  11. yeah i remember when i took a year off from school. i was working at the HUD to make money before i started school again. most days i would just walk over to the mcdonalds over at l'enfant plaza. i would walk past this cell phone store and notice this cute girl that always would look at me and smile. me being the shy guy that i was back then would make it a point to walk by her store at least twice a week and catch eye contact with her but never stop. one day i decided to stop in her store. we chatted for a while and had great chemistry. we started going on lunch dates together and after a while real dates. she was really cool but it was right around the time i was getting ready to move to nashville. in the end we both knew it wouldn't work out but we kept in contact maybe the first year i was here then our communication dwindled till we stopped talking all together.

        1. Beautiful? Their attitude alone gets a double thumbs down. I'm kind of glad they went out of business now. LOL

  12. Dope post Most. The way you wrote it and certain phrases you used reminded me of the movie The Adjustment Bureau.

    I have an ode to my almost love on my blog…my Hip-Hop series. I've known dude since we were 12, growing up in Newark. He was my best friend, although it was clear we really "liked" each other. A year later I moved, but we would write letters, talk on the phone, and I would BEG my dad to bring me to Newark on the weekends so I could hang w/ Hip-Hop.

    High school arrived and we lost contact. I see him once, during my college years at fair. We basically said hi and kept it moving. A few years later, I see him at a basketball game. We exchange numbers, although he was leaving for Europe soon (he balls over there). I call…no answer. I leave a message. Nothing. A few years later, he finds me on Facebook. We kick it like we were 12 years old again. That's just the type of bond we have. Then he says he wants to get to know me as more than a friend. Ok, cool. Well, not really b/c he was just getting out of a long term relationship and him moving on wasn't easy.

    As you can imagine, that cause some strife between us. I'd do everything except change my # to get away from him, and he'd reach out to patch things up. The last time he left for France, I didn't even see him. I was tight about that, but eventually let it go. Months later he calls, out of nowhere. We talk for hours. He tells me he loves me. What the f*ck am I supposed to do with that? 1. You're in France. 2. You got back w/ your girl who you claim is such a pain in the @ss, bossy, etc.

    This call is followed by requests for me to come visit. Consistent phone calls. Christmas Eve I found out via FB (FB is the devil I tell ya) his girl his pregnant. He calls one day, sensing my attitude..he pretty much comes clean. We have long conversation, and that has been the last time I heard from him (he'll be home next month, so I'm anticipating that he won't leave well enough alone and will hit me up).

    Above all else, dude is my friend and I wish him the best. I want him to be happy. However, his girl being pregnant (in my mind) solidified that we will never be together. Each time we found our way back to each other I had a glimmer of hope like "Aight, this is it. It's gonna work out this time" and fate is like "Naaaah".

    1. You know this story still tugs at my heart strings right, Lala? I hope HE understands that he let a good one get away.

    2. "He tells me he loves me. What the f*ck am I supposed to do with that? "

      I often wonder why guys feel the need to say this at the most inappropriate times. Irks me everytime.

  13. <blockquote cite="comment-291446">

    CHeeKZ Money:

    So Most?

    Is it safe to say that you feel, even though you made the right decision on who you married, it is possible to have married someone else and also made a good choice?

    …But the way some people process ‘love’ in their minds, that would mean I was making a wrong decision about my person.

    Yeah fam, I definitely think my wife and I both could have married other people and been as happy. I'm not one of those people who believes that in all of the world, there is 1 single person tailor made for you. I believe the foundation of a lasting, happy marriage is chemistry. If two people have great chemistry, everything else about the relationship, the nuts and bolts with come with work and effort on the part of both people.

    What's interesting is, I feel like, in many ways, the relationship I talked about in the post played a big role in shaping my college experience as far as women are concerned. After her, all the relationship I had moving forward ended 1 of 3 ways, I lost interest before smashing and the woman became a friend, I smashed then lost interest and she became a friend, or I smashed and tried to make a relationship out of it and it didn't work. The relationship in this posts shaped those next few relationships because I felt like I knew what it meant to really connect with someone with out anything physical occurring. If I couldn't sit with the chick and just kick for hours on end, chat on the phone till the sun came up and we had to go to class, sleep in the bed together content to just cuddle (I'm still a G tho don't get it twisted) then I knew that the chick wasn't the one because I knew all that stuff was possible.

    The next time I felt that sort of connection, I recognized it immediately and wasn't going to let it get lost in life's shuffle – 8 years later – here we are.

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-291563">

      TheMostInterestingManInTheWorld: If I couldn’t sit with the chick and just kick for hours on end, chat on the phone till the sun came up and we had to go to class, sleep in the bed together content to just cuddle (I’m still a G tho don’t get it twisted) then I knew that the chick wasn’t the one because I knew all that stuff was possible.

      *flips through the G-code* … *pauses and looks up* …. *continues searching for source of reference*

      "That's a joke boy, a joke!" – FogHorn Leghorn

      1. Nah son, G's gotta cuddle too sometimes tho.

        Ask any of these chicks… I bet you I'm not the only G that's got his cuddle on before.

        lol…

        Foghorn Leghorn is my dude though. Happy to see him getting that Geico shine…

        "It was the best of times it was the, I say it was the worst of times…" Hilarious.

        1. <blockquote cite="comment-291830">

          TheMostInterestingManInTheWorld:

          Foghorn Leghorn is my dude though. Happy to see him getting that Geico shine…

          “It was the best of times it was the, I say it was the worst of times…” Hilarious.

          BEST CARTOON CHARACTER, EVER! Mannn, I brought up sir Leghorn on Twitter one day and the youngstas was hittin me with all kinds of blank stares. I never felt so old! So yeah, it was good to see GEICO bring him back. Let me see if I can link, for the kids:
          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LCsiWL6gn0

          "Gal reminds me of the highway between Dallas and Ft. Worth….NO CURVES!"

          G.O.A.T.

        2. <blockquote cite="comment-291830">

          TheMostInterestingManInTheWorld:

          Foghorn Leghorn is my dude though. Happy to see him getting that Geico shine…

          “It was the best of times it was the, I say it was the worst of times…” Hilarious.

          BEST CARTOON CHARACTER, EVER! Mannn, I brought up sir Leghorn on Twitter one day and the youngstas was hittin me with all kinds of blank stares. I never felt so old! So yeah, it was good to see GEICO bring him back.

          I tried to link but got sent to the black hole of moderation. If yall want a laugh, YouTube = Foghorn Leghorn rant. Educate yourselves!

          "Gal reminds me of the highway between Dallas and Ft. Worth….NO CURVES!" – Foghorn

          G.O.A.T.

    2. <blockquote cite="comment-291563">

      TheMostInterestingManInTheWorld: If I couldn’t sit with the chick and just kick for hours on end, chat on the phone till the sun came up and we had to go to class, sleep in the bed together content to just cuddle (I’m still a G tho don’t get it twisted) then I knew that the chick wasn’t the one because I knew all that stuff was possible.

      And that's the killer…it's not that you're jaded or bitter, it's that you've seen how good it can be and you'll never again settle for Spam when you've had Kobe steak.

  14. The one I recollect that stays with me for some reason is the "met briefly at a coffee shop" variety. We didn't actually meeet at a coffee shop, but it was at a national engineering conference in Boston back in 2005. I met, at the time, who I believed was the most beautiful woman I had ever layed eyes on. The convention center was attached to the hotel so a lot of folks were loitering around in the huge lobby after the nights festivities socializing. When I saw her instantly I thought she was "out of my league" and that I'd be out-punting my coverage by stepping to her (ok, done with the sports metaphors). Our eyes locked, however, and she smiled at me (green light!) so I go up and make small talk. We didn't talk about anything too special or out of the ordinary when you first meet someone, but it felt like we had this instant connection and it was a feeling I never really felt before (maybe it was a combination of lust and liquid courage, who knows). I remembered she went to Oklahoma State, but that's about it.

    Anyway, my dumb behind wasn't staying at the hotel connected to the convention center (she was) and the last shuttle to take me back to my hotel was about to leave as we were standing at the bottom of the escalator. I was flying home in the morning. We said our brief goodbyes and we locked eyes again staring and smiling. In the back of my mind I know she was bascially waiting for me to ask for a number, email, something..anything! I froze, though..choked and just watched her ascend upwards on the escalator to the hotel to head to her room….and I just stood there with a blank stare as she disappeared for the rest of my life leaving me wondering…what if? I believe the old saying goes "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take" and boy did I air ball (ok, one more sports metaphor, lol).

    1. “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” and boy did I air ball"

      ^^^^ Me too! This has happened to me before. I still think about this guy I met before a flight that I declined giving him my number. I was just getting over a bad break-up.

    2. Damn Larry,

      I feel for you on this story man.She probably figured you had a girlfriend or something. Next time, an easy way around that sort of potentially awkward moment where you need to seal the deal is to just offer to exchange business cards. It sounds way less romantic than clearly stating your interest by asking for her phone number, but, does give you the opportunity to have a means of contacting her in the future. Great story though. Something to tell your son one day to teach him how to play it differently.

      1. Yeah, that's good advice. It was a conference when I was in college, so unfortunately no business cards yet for me. Luckily I've gotten over that "shyness" and coincidentally have used the business card technique you speak of before and it has been successful, so you're spot on. It's definitely a story I plan on telling my future son one day.

  15. hmm, the one that got away? I have a few of those actually. Which sucks because it's much easier to get over people who did you wrong. I have all these guys who I could have been good with if not for circumstances at the time and so I end up spending a lot of time thinking of coulda woulda shoulda. I'm learning to accept that some things just aren't meant to happen and move on <del>especially since, now I have a man ;)</del>

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-291573">

      Sade:

      hmm, the one that got away?I have a few of those actually.Which sucks because it’s much easier to get over people who did you wrong.I have all these guys who I could have been good with if not for circumstances at the time and so I end up spending a lot of time thinking of coulda woulda shoulda. </del>

      *clears throat*

      *looks at Most*

      *looks back to quoted text*

      *aaaaand looks back at Most wonctagin*

      #NeverGonnaLetThisOneGo

  16. Yes, I can relate to this. I went through a period of my life where I denied every guy. Looking back, there were so many good men who had potential and I'll never know what could have happened. I don't know why I was such a tease/heartbreaker. I blame my mother. lol j/k Anyway, there's 2 guys that really stand out.

    Chris – I met him my senior year of highschool. I was going through this weird "NewNew" phase where I despised my uppity life and was searching for all things hood for Black justification purposes. I started hanging out with these drug dealing Jamaicans in Miami Gardens and honestly, it was some of the most memorable times of my life. Don't judge me. I met a guy named Chris who was super shy and never said anything. In a room full of "BUP BUPS" and "Wah dee bumbas", etc. He was the quiet guy who sat in the corner analyzing everyone. Long story short, I ended up having a 4 hour convo with him that was life changing. He just went so deep and we started analyzing everything about life…til the sun came up. For 4 months we were thick as thieves. I drank up this man's every word. I swear he was the smartest person I ever met. You can pretty much guess he ended up committing a crime and being deported to Jamaica.

    Brett (yes he's white) – In January 2000 something tragic happened to me. This guy is a cop and was the first person on scene. I had blood all over my face and I was scared. I remember he was leaning on top of me and telling me how strong I was and fearless. How I would get through this and not to let it break me. He didn't even know me. He kept his hand on my shoulder and kept saying these positive things. He came to see me everyday in the hospital. He checked on me all the time when I got released. He even took me out. We talked all of the time. I was seeing a therapist at the time and I kid you not, this guy was better than her. Brett was one of the most amazing people. Not because of his job, etc but because he cared about me. I didn't feel like he was trying to get the panties. He told me that after that night when he found me, I'll always be a part of him. EVERYONE was telling me to stay away that my feelings for him were not real due to how we met. He eventually told me he was in love with me but I ended up fizzling things out with him. I think about him all the time. He would have been the perfect man for me.

        1. Agreed! Google can be your best friend! At the least you can just look him up, see where he is now. I'm sure he remembers you and still thinks about you from time to time, with a story like that, how could he not!

      1. Uhhh Most you know I heart you and stuff but deportation and crime do not mix with BP….especially since I can get deported for a crime. #nothanks

    1. I can't believe I added that story. I swear everyday I say some sh*t I know I shouldn't be tellin ya'll. I didn't mean to depress anyone. I'm good. We good. It's all good. Don't cry for me Argentina.

      Thanks home skillets!

      1. I didn't think it was depressing, it was more inspiring to me. I guess in the sense that you were going thru something serious and out of that you found something beautiful that even though it didn't work out, it shaped you and had an impact on you. Sometimes we feel like we are the only one that's gone thru something or experienced something, its just comforting to know other people have the same experiences too (and willing to share).

    2. "He just went so deep & we started analyzing everything about life…til the sun came up."

      "Analyzing"? Is that what the kids are calling it now? Hmmm, classy… 😉

      Surriouslay though, without a pause, I have no other choice but to assume "he just went so deep … til the sun came up" = good lovin 😉

      @Most I'm so confused…how's Chris the better match?

      1. Only going off what she wrote, she seemed to have more of a connection with Chris. Like, it was based on the chemistry they had with each other.

        Brett seems like he would make a great husband and all that, probably better than Chris seems like he could have been the love of her life.

        Brett's the better catch, Chris is the better match.

      2. @Star

        LMAO…I love how you think but no he got no cookies. 🙂

        @Most

        You're right. It made me uneasy that Brett and I's bond was based off of tragedy. He was something sent by God but I think deep down I knew it wouldn't amount to anything. Chris captured my heart but I was young and it was only 4 months so who knows.

    3. Yes, I agree you effed up with Brett. But now I wish I knew you better since my curiosity alarm is going off with the "bloody face" incident. 0_o

        1. FTR, I did NOT thumbs down this comment! LOL 🙂 Who would dare thumbs down Star? lol It's no secret Eddie. I was attacked in college. I'm okay though.

    4. You ain't bout that life, SFG.

      Anyway, Chris just went so deep? That's how people get kids. And it's NuNu, sorry that's my favorite movie in the summertime to watch over and over again. You ruining it with this story.

      Brett (yes he's white) <— Something ain't right with that… you trying to say Brett is a white person name?

    5. @Dr. J

      I see you trying to start sh*t. 🙂 Why I couldn't be about that life? I was a young rida and bout it. Na'mean? lol no yeah I wasn't about that life.

      Chris was deep and magical. lol I'm lying. He aint get none. I got rules homey.

      Aint Brett a white boy's name? Oh, my bad.

  17. okay, okay. i will say this is mylife.com, with a few minor detail changes.

    last year, i received a long, two page message on facebook a week after my "perfect" one from the past got back from his honeymoon. he expressed that how now that he was happily married, he could tell me how much our situation had affected him, about how he had just stopped loving me a year prior, and how he'd always held out hope that we would somehow find ourselves in that space again, even with the many years and distance that had removed us from being in each other's lives. i was genuinely happy for him and his marriage and the many fb albums that depicted a jovial, many-years-in-love couple, so i was shocked. i think some things are just better left unsaid, and sending that type of message was disrespectful to his wife in my opinion, so i didn't even respond. a week later, i received another message that simply said "thanks for not responding. sincerely, thank you."

    i don't consider him the one that got away, simply because i was the one who walked away, and i believe all things happen in Divine Order. if any situation/love/relationship/marriage is meant to be, it will be. but it does remain one of my most untainted memories of love. i even wrote about it once. great post, Most. lol

    1. I can kind of see where he is coming from. My girl from college had a huge impact on me and how I go about relationships. I've told her this, like he told you somewhat, probably just to get it off my chest. It's not disrespectful because neither of you are trying to get with the other and are genuinely happy for each other.'T

      1. i understand what you're saying but, have you ever had someone that just seems to have an infinite affect on you, no matter what?

        that is what i am to him. no conceit at all, because he's told me as much, several times. so i know this. if i were in his city tomorrow, he'd break his neck and probably lie to his wife, just to see me. knowing that, i don't think it was a good idea for him to send a message like that, especially since we never talked before that, and i wouldn't have felt right morally, saying anything back. i honestly believe that's why he thanked me for not responding.

    2. " if any situation/love/relationship/marriage is meant to be, it will be. ".

      I believe the same thing. Nothing should ever be forced.

  18. Good post. 

    When I was in my previous relationship, one of the reasons why I didn't want to break up with him, despite the major red flags, was because I thought he would be the one that would get away and all I had to do was stick it out. But he's not. If I kept on worrying about the "what ifs" I would've continued to overlook  the "what is" . 

  19. I think I'm happy to say that I don't have one that got away. I guess it's nice to keep someone in your mind as THE ALMOST ONE if circumstances had been different but I've always been notorious for seeking an answer to that question.

    Like if I was Most, I would have remembered her last name and found out where she was and talked to her on the phone until I saw where she was in life and finally I would say, "eh, she didn't really get away". I'm methodical like that. I leave no stone unturned.

    1. I think I’m happy to say that I don’t have one that got away

      +1

      I'll just be lurking and blog hopping today.

  20. This is a bit too close to home today…almost too much of a coincidence. -_-

    I've never had a soul mate experience…till now. We are very different with a great balance and respect for each others intelligence, logic, and comedic timing so we can shine together…there is no star, lol. Our flow is so easy and natural…it's dag near unbelievable. And, the feeling is mutual. I know it's mutual through words and actions…with the exception of one HUGE decision to move far FAR away. I don't do long distance rela's…sorry. I've wrestled with whether to end it now or let it play out. But, truth is, I can't leave it alone while he's within reach. If this isn't what the good Lord desires for my future, then he really does need to remove him from my immediate environment permanently. He's been moving in his mind before "we" happened…so I don't take his decision personally. I've known about that desire from our beginning. But, the fact that our fate is in his hands (kinda) really pisses me off, makes me uncomfortable, leaves me feeling helpless…and vulnerable. The knowledge that we'll just "end" is…_________*shrugs, shakes head, rolls eyes*…hard to digest…to say the least.

    He was telling me how much he like's Sade's song, The Moon & The Sky last week. I'd never really paid attention to it. I asked him what it was about and he admitted that he wasn't really sure. So, we googled it. It's about a women reflecting on a love that was great but never reached it's full potential. Imagine how MORTIFIED I was reading that with him! Yesterday, I read a blog which mentioned that the aforementioned song has a remix with Jay-Z rapping in it and the lyrics to the rap were posted. *sigh* Life didn't parrallel art perfectly but MAN, if this wasn't a slap in the face:

    I know we coulda had it all

    I wasn't ready to go steady, no, not at all

    'Smoke & Mirrors' cloudin my vision, we hit a wall

    Couldn't see the moon and the sky behind the fog

    Pregnant pause

    Da#n, your baby tall, whatchu been up to?

    I don't blame you, my doll, yeah, we kinda stalled

    As God as my witness, timing was my mistress

    Guess its in the stars for me to love you from a distance

    Uh, our ship sailed, uh, the wind blows

    The door's always open but our window is closed

    You always thought "what if?" but that'll just drive you crazy

    Baby girl interrupted thinkin bout what wasn't

    Thinkin bout "What was it? Was it something I've done? Something I could do better?"

    Although nothing could be done

    Sometimes, you get what you need, not what you think you want

    So maybe no moon and sky, yet a beautiful son/sun

    Here's to hoping that he realizes he's basing his choice to leave off of a 'smoke & mirrors' perspective (which I honestly believe) before our window is closed. And, if that doesn't happen, I'll be single as soon as that plane takes off and here's to my future…cause if God has something better than this awaiting me, I'll truly be experiencing heaven on earth. And I don't want to miss that.

    To be continued…

      1. I totally understand…I do.

        A good friend once commented that if you're considering committing suicide, Sade is not the artist you should listen to, lol…cause her songs will make you wanna jump! That song just angers/saddens me in the most hauntingly pleasant way. It's confusing. And hearing that Jay-Z verse made me want to give my bf the finger and the deuces…like, "Really? Was that explanation supposed to make me feel better?!" I had to quicky remember that Jay-Z and my bf are not one in the same…though I honestly believe my bf is coasting on or around that same brain wave.

        * deep sigh *

  21. Yes, I've experienced that but I just look at it as it wasn't meant to be. He's a distant memory. Every now and then a song that came out during my college years will play and I'll think of him and then wonder if he ever thinks of me.

  22. Awe Most this post is adorable 🙂

    Lets see…. girl ends long relationship, girl meets boy, girl and boy have a great time, click, vibe, fulfils that emptyness, boy falls for girl, girrl walks away.

    Several years pass and girl occassionally thinks of boy and wondering what if…

    Girl runs into boy, girl makes first move and contacts boy, boy responds, girl and boy hit it off again, boy confesses the same feelings girl accepts them but tries to play off her feelings, boy and girl having a great time as is, boy asks to be her BF, girl accepts, boy and girl get lovey dovey, boy proposes and girl doesnt want to admit feelings towards boy… girl thinks long and hard, has breakdown and realizes all the right things boy did… girl say yes… the end.

  23. Hmmm…. The one that got away? Well in my case I never thought that he could have the one or anything I just thought about the possibility of us being.

    I met him at a summer church retreat when I was 15. We just sort of clicked. The retreat was held at a hotel in Chicago. The way it was set up was we had a break between the morning and afternoon service and then another one between the afternoon and evening service. During these breaks all the teens would chill at the swimming pool or other areas in the hotel (away from the adults). I met him the first day of the retreat and we became inseparable. Of course my 15 year old mind told me that it was love. This made it that much harder to say goodbye when it was time. We exchanged numbers and addresses and promised to keep in touch. We did… for the first month. Being young interest decreased naturally and I stopped thinking about him as much.

    During the rest of my H.S days I always wondered what could have been had we only lived in the same state.

  24. <blockquote cite="comment-291282">

    WisdomIsMisery:

    Sadly, sometimes potential relationships are greater than actual relationships.

    You spoke truth throughout this whole comment brother.

    The part I quoted is the only solace I can find when thinking of my "one that got away"…I just gotta hope that he knew better than me somehow and that there was a good reason for the break.

  25. I’m going to write this and attempt not to get too personal and touchy-feely.

    Sometimes you meet someone that is perfect for you. You connect on every level. They are your perfect compliment: they are strong where you are weak, and together you are whole. Yet, there is something that keeps you apart. In my situation, it was an age difference. She was much older, lived married life, had two children, and had been divorced. However, she had a hysterectomy and was unable to have any more children.

    Because we were so good together, I overlooked the fact that I would never experience having a family if we stayed together. At the time, I didn’t really know if I wanted kids or not. We were friends, then dated and became close. But I shouldn’t have let it get that far, because as I grew older, I realized I did want children, and she wouldn’t be able to provide them. And she realized it was unfair that she experienced having a family, but by us being together, I would be denied that life experience. My “almost love” didn’t get away so much as I had to realize I had to let her go.

    Although I felt a deep connection, unlike with anyone I have ever dated, it just wasn’t meant to be. And sometimes it’s difficult to accept that.

    1. I can totally relate to this. Not really sure if the guy I dated was the one that got away but the level of connection we shared is what I desire in my future relationships.

      It is kind of crazy but this man truly inspired me to pursue my dreams and encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone to be the best I could be. What ultimately sealed the deal for us is his moving away to be with his children (which I totally commend) and the fact he didn't want anymore. I want kids but not at the expense of their father feeling overwhelmed trying to provide for them

  26. I am absolutely head over heels in love with this site! I’ve been reading for months and finally I’m ready to post.

    Let’s see.. It was about 5 years ago (damn I’m old), My senior year in undergrad, I was captain of the cheerleading squad and he was captain of the football team. (off some straight storybook stuff) Both of us were scholar athletes; I’m talking ‘bout 4.0s and MVPs.. smh. We knew each other all four years but throughout our matriculation we both were in long term relationships. He was on the fast track to marriage in his relationship, while I on the other hand had just being cheated on in the WORST way.. you know the kind where your BF breaks up with you and all of a sudden his mistress is 5 months pregnant? Yea, THAT kind. Any way by senior year we were both single and by that time his nerdiness had worn off. This kid went from a dorky looking nerd with glasses to the “Big Man on Campus w/ lasik” All of the women were fainting in his presence; me? Not so much. To make a long story short I eventually gave into his “perfectness” and we began to date. I used to sneak into his apt and surprise him, he would cook for me, we would talk for hours and fall asleep in each other arms. Now remember this was senior year spring semester, like 3 months before graduation. So the inevitable happened; we graduated and I moved back home and he stayed in the city. So of course I thought oh well that’s that and pushed him out of my mind. But he continued to call and eventually sparked my interest again. I ended up attending graduate school in the same city as my undergraduate university, and so did he. I would visit him from time to time whenever I was in the city and every time I was taken back to our glory days. But now he had a girlfriend. Not any girlfriend.. the LIVE IN kind. Lol She was about 4 years younger than us, but none-the less she won his heart. The problem is he still pursued me on a daily basis, telling me that he wasn’t really feeling her but they were stuck together because of their “living arrangement”. He would always talk about how we were perfect for each other and how he wanted to explore a relationship with me in the future. Time passed and I of course had my heart broken again. He was always there. Fast-forward to 2011. I’m on a 5 month hiatus from facebook, merely because FB is the devil! Lol I completely cut myself off from the outside world, changing my number and everything. So one day when I’m thinking of him, I send him any innocent text which reads: “Sorry I’ve been MIA, we have to KIT” to which he replies: “Wow! You’ve been gone for so long, we have to talk. So much has happened, I got engaged!” ENGAGED?!!! I swear I almost fainted. The thoughts in my mind started to ramble.. How on earth is he ENGAGED?! To that little kid?! (He and I are 28 while she is like 23) I didn’t know what to say.. so I didn’t even reply. The next day I quickly texted him ‘CONGRATS’ and I thought that was that. But it wasn’t. He replied “We need to talk. Let’s meet for drinks and discuss some things”. I said “Sure” but till this day have never taken him up on his offer. I will not be “that girl”! I will not come between a woman and her fiancé! I swear that chick MUST be pregnant! There is no other explanation on why an educated man with 2 degrees and his whole life ahead of him would propose to a little girl who has cheated on him multiple times. NO OTHER REASON! Oh well.. he is truly “The one that got away”.

    -BB

    1. Welcome and whatnot! *sprinkles heart-shaped e-confetti*

      First, a simple request. Would you mind breaking up future comments into paragraphs? Thank you very much 🙂

      Secondly, I wouldn't assume that she was pregnant. There could be a number of reasons he proposed, even if none of them would make sense to you or me. Also, I think you did the right thing by not meeting up with him. Frankly, if he was still pursuing you while in a relationship, I'd view that as a gigantic red flag anyways.

      Thanks for delurking.

      1. <blockquote cite="comment-291818">

        sanen85: First, a simple request. Would you mind breaking up future comments into paragraphs? Thank you very much 🙂

        Dude you're dangerously close to comment Nazi status with that line. Just for that I'm going to make sure all my future comments are big long blocks of text with no spaces.

        1. I didn't mean to come across as a comment nazi (obviously). All text is easier to read and digest when broken up. I was simply trying to give what I considered to be constructive criticism and tried to do it nicely. I guess I failed *shrugs*. If she (or anyone) wants to write with big blocks of text, that is entirely up to them. I just like to read comments (especially from newcomers) and it's difficult to do when the text is one big block.

          Sorry if I offended you, Business Beauty.

        2. Rereading, it did sound a little b*tchy. I did try to make it sound as nice as I could though 🙁

  27. I loved this post just because of how wistful it made me feel but, the realist in me has always thought that if it was meant to be it would have.

  28. Started seeing this guy in law school. Everything is going well, except he just graduated from B-school, and is moving an hour away. Ok, no big deal. Except, his job requires him to travel weekly. Even with all of that, we still manage to see each other as often as possible, in real life and through iChat. He becomes even more busy, and he's no longer able to come see me, and I can't get to where he is to see him. he misses my law school graduation because he's working on the other coast. This continues for months, then i slowly start to pull away. I stop calling him back as often as I used to. I'm always busy, or too tired. I stop calling, and start emailing and gchat as the main form of communication. Eventually, all communication ceases. Fast forward to 2010, I see he's on gchat, so I decide to speak, just to see how he's doing. He's moved to Texas, and is engaged to be married… cool. I congratulate him, and keep it moving. I really hate that I allowed the distance and his job to punk me. He's a good dude, who knows what could've been. Or, we would have just broken up eventually because he thought giving oral was only for his wife, not his gf. #NIAshrug

  29. I'm currently in a position to prevent this from happening.

    The one who could be the one to get away is currently my friend and I'm frozen like a deer in front of headlights.

      1. We've been friends for almost 2 years. I accept him for who he is. He accepts me for who I am. We have a grand old time together, every time we are together.

        It's just that he's used to being chased and I'm used to being chased. The intensity is great.

        We have a good friendship but we are romantically ambiguous. He plays it safe because he knows that if we cross the line it should be on the road to something meaningful.

        I am terrified. He shares his feelings and I analyze them. Abnormal much?

        I should share my feelings but they're stuck in a place between my heart and my throat and my head won't mind it's business. I accept full responsibility if this doesn't go anywhere.

        1. Read through all these other comments and see if you think it's a good idea to let it go with out saying something.

          Wondering what could of been from now till the time you meet the person you end up with is way worse than getting rejected.

        2. Listen to this to get yourself hyped up and just let it go!

          Moment of honesty

          Someones gotta take the lead tonight

          Whose it gonna be?

          I'm gonna sit right here

          And tell you all that comes to me

          If you have something to say

          You should say it right now

        3. Most speaks gospel truth! RC you better get up, get out, and do something!

          The one thing I have no regrets about it that I was completely open about my feelings with TOTGA, there's no wondering if he knew or if I somehow gave him the wrong impression…that's helpful when I'm playing the "what if" game in my head. There was nothing more I could do, that sucks but is helpful all at the same time.

          No regrets RC, talk to him.

        4. I agree with Most and Starita, RC. The most beautiful thing you could ever do is fall in love with your best friend IMHO. You have to go for it girl – I understand the unknown but you can't live the book of your life wanting to be certain you know how ever chapter is going to end. He could truly be your happily ever after…. Sigh :/

        5. <blockquote cite="comment-291860">

          RCTuri: We have a good friendship but we are romantically ambiguous. He plays it safe because he knows that if we cross the line it should be on the road to something meaningful.

          Not to be an ass, but that sounds to me like he's either not ready for a relationship or he's not that into you. Neither of which seems like an ideal situation for you to be saying something. I'd let it lie if I were you.

        6. <blockquote cite="comment-291979">

          max: Not to be an ass, but that sounds to me like he’s either not ready for a relationship or he’s not that into you. Neither of which seems like an ideal situation for you to be saying something. I’d let it lie if I were you.

          No, I don't think you're being an ass. It's a very logical conclusion to come to. Friends, family and I have also arrived at that conclusion – in the beginning. But as things have unfolded, and of course through intricate details that I cannot post on a message board, this isn't the case. I'm definitely the hold up because I don't drop hints toward a relationship or how I'm feeling. For the most part, I'm closed up. He lays his thoughts and feelings on the table, I don't reciprocate properly.

          It's like how do people know where to go if there aren't any signs? That, is my fault.

        7. Next time Most quotes R&B he's getting dropped from the label. A female sung R&B song too. I'm pretty sure you could have found some Drake or Jodeci for that.

    1. Thanks for the support everyone.

      I find it easy to say what I feel as it pertains to my head but not when it comes to my emotions.

      *lowers head in shame*

      1. man… this is me. all day.

        i'd advise you to say something. your situation sounds VERY similar to my last, which i removed myself from. ambiguity and fear can be big time stealers when you're trying to decipher exactly how he feels and he's doing the same. just be direct and have the convo. and to be completely cliche… listen to your heart. 🙂 as a more logical than emotional person myself, i know this is easier said than done… but growth is a beautiful thing. 🙂

  30. This was a beautiful post, Most. It saddens me to say that I can't really think of anyone I'd classify as the one that got away. My first love turned to drugs (I seem to have a knack for driving folks to drugs) when he was 15. He's probably the closest thing to "if only" that I have, but even then I don't feel like he's the one who got away. I worry about him constantly, but that's really how deep it goes now.

    The more I'm reading about this love thing on blogs lately, the more it occurs to me that I haven't really experienced love as an adult and that saddens me. I have felt lust and confused it for love, but I'm not sure I've loved any man as an adult.

  31. I don't think I can recall one that got away.I've experienced poor timing and circumstances with women, but it was determined upfront (in my mind) that it wouldn't work despite the fact we may have been very compatible.

    1. Sometimes – yet I often believe in the cliche' "if you love something set it free and if it comes back………" you know the rest LOL

  32. <blockquote cite="comment-292112">

    Dr. J:

    Next time Most quotes R&B he’s getting dropped from the label.A female sung R&B song too.I’m pretty sure you could have found some Drake or Jodeci for that.

    Drake wrote that for Alicia about her situation with Swizz.

    I'm writing it for RC about her situation with homey

  33. The one that got away…

    I was trying to holla at this chick at the mall hardbody back in HS. She worked at Foot Locker. It's something about women in those black pants that makes men go… #girlyoubekillinem. I took her to the movies a few times. First date… dang I remember it like yesterday, she had these Sergio Valente's on… I was ear to ear grinning in the movies. Basically school started and I try and stay in contact, but the problem with HS is they kept dropping off all these 14 year olds every year and at age 16 that was a challenge. She basically told me I wasn't focused, but I was she just couldn't tell.

    #Igotthemjaytho

  34. The Official Comment of the Day:

    1) This is in my upcoming eBook, dropping May 10th… y'all heard the date here first. My first real girlfriend in 7th grade, probably one of the realest relationships I ever had. But anyway her dad was a Diplomat, not the hip hop group, idiots. They moved back to Bolivia. She ain't make it back until a few years later, we had grown apart.

    2) I have this story about how everybody in my chapter has stolen a chick from me, but since they read i'll spare you guys the details. Anyway, let's just say, a few things to live by, a) If you really like a girl, don't bring her around frat… b) If a dude brings his girl around frat…. he don't really like her… c) Don't say it ain't no fun if the homies can't have none if you ain't bout that life.

    3) Man this is the one that got away and i'm friends with her on Facebook this be ruining my life some days because she is just that bad… Smh… my old neighbor used to be like, "Don't tell nobody that story, they'll judge you." But whatever… i'm chilling with my old neighbor we actually went to the same college this is like during the summer. It's me, him, his girl and her friend had came in town to visit. How can I put this? Hit me offline and i'll send you a pic of the girl. Anyway, we all hanging out, it's nothing to do, so a big watergun fight breaks out. Now, it's only Greeks, Athletes, Pre-Med students retaking OrgChem, and people trying to graduate on time cause they walked in May in Syracuse during the summer. It's a big watergun fight and the Alphas/Ques vs. Football Team, they had the track girls on their squad, but we had all the Dominicans south of the Gun Hill projects in the metropolitan area of New York City. So my boy's girl ran track, so naturally her friend, who ran track too (track girls be killing em), was on their team. So all day we going back and forth and i'm getting her wet, but like i'm like that so that's to be expected. Late night come it was like night fell in Vietnam people were like sneaking up on people and getting them from behind. Anyway, so at this point, i'm in the apartment chilling, and it's all four of us. We're drinking some Bacardi O. So my boy LOOKS OUT, he's like, "yeah… we (him and his gf) going back to my apartment…" I'm like a dummy, "Oh alright, well I guess i'll roll home too." I ain't get what was going on… So I left, I get to my CRIB which is just across the way and I realized I left my backpack over there, so I go back, I get back over there, she is now in a tanktop and some leggings, like not ready for bed, but just ready for lounging… I'm like "You about to go to sleep?" She's like not really, but my totally aloof ass was like, oh aight, well hit me up if you don't go to sleep. I rarely ever sleep. I get home and I text him like, "Son shorty was tough, why you guys dip out." His response, "Wait, you left?" I'm like LOST. Next day, we dropped his gf's friend off and she looks at me in the backseat and is like, "LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING…" What's worse, she went to Georgetown, I still had to see her on the regular… Real talk, hit me up offline and i'll send you a picture and you'll see why this is the one who got away.

    1. smh… Really, Dr.J? Really.

      Honestly, though, this does not surprise me. Every Alpha I know is a cute nerd that can't seem to understand sexual innuendo. A chick has to put the coochie on your upper lip before you can hear what she's saying. smh.

      Or maybe that was just my undergrad experience…

        1. lol. yeah, i kid, i kid. I think most men are like that at some time in their younger years. Which begs to question, if easy p*ssy is that easy, you think dudes would be on the lookout for it. Especially in college.

        2. @Dr. J

          Just 1. The other 2 I tried to get at didn't understand my signal. Here's a hint: if I answer the door in a white beater, braless and the nips are at attention, and I have on cheerleading shorts from HS… I want you to stay a while.

          Is that THAT hard to understand? lol.

      1. Chill Nia. I'm in the History Book of several chapters under Don't Believe Nothing This Guy Says…

        #butyourprophytekeepcallingtho

        Men react very weirdly to women sometimes. It cause you to say things you shouldn't, and even talk in a higher than normal voice.

        Shawty fly, shawty tight

        Shoulda stayed there all night

        With you (you) with you

        I missed ya, picked ya

        Now its time I

        Get back up with you (you) girl with you

        Oh yeah

        We used to kick up at the park

        Now she's all growwn up (up)

        Rockin them stilettos

        Jumpin up outta that mercedes truck (truck)

        It was kiesha

        It was sonya

        It was tonya

        It was monique

        It was nece

        It was keke

        Now I see you at 23

        All I can say is

        Ahhhhhhhhh, ahhhhhhhhh

        And I don't need no more for this here

        Cuz shawty right there is a ten, a ten

        Shawty you a ten

        A ten

        Shawty you a ten

        A ten

        Shawty you a ten

        A ten

        #truestory

  35. …the one who walked up to me when I was feeling down and out.
    It was the Summer '02 after my mom passed and I was an emotional wreck. The dude I was in love with was being a jerk and he made me cry again. I was staying with friends and they were emotionally tapped out as well. It's hard watching your friends being hurt over your emotional pain. I had to release so I spared them and went on the stoop to cry and feel sorry for myself. I didn't want my friends seeing me but a complete stranger I didn't care.
    He was heading to the park to play in a tournament and saw me looking oh so pitiful. This gentleman was so concerned and was so considerate he stayed and talked to me, bought me a Italian icey and pulled me out of my funk with his smile. After his game we exchanged info and chilled the whole Summer. Eventually he moved back to Maryland and we lost touch. It was a pure innocent affair. No sex and no commitment but he set the bar high for emotional intellect. Every now and again I'd hear he was in town but wouldn't ever run into him. We both moved on and I heard he has a son. He was so sweet and sincere. I hope he's doing well.

  36. Man….the one that got away hits me real deep because I just lost him 2 months ago and it hurts like it happened this morning…

    Met him at a bar and just knew that we could kick it anytime. He was the type of person that you could just be yourself with, no games, no front, just cool. We laughed, and laughed, and enjoyed each other's company so much that I just couldn't picture my life without him. After 2 years of deeply entrenching ourselves in each other's lives we both went through some personal sh*t that pushed us apart.

    We weren't fighting, had no complaints about one another, we just weren't there for each other the way we needed to be and it ended…..it tore me apart that night that we called it quits, and it still just makes no sense…we were PERFECT together….guess sometimes things are just not meant to be and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it…

    Great article got me feeling like I need to light some candles, put on some Sade and drink a bottle of wine………

  37. Man, it got real in here today. Wish I could have really participated. Oh well such is life. Guess this is the topic that for away. *sheds a tear and plays PM Dawn*

  38. Excellent post. Never had a love that got away, but I have a connection with someone who is too far away. We're like day and night. He's still in my life. I guess there's a reason, I'm still trying to figure it out. As funny as it may seem, I'm glad he is. This is one connection that I hope will never end.

  39. <blockquote cite="comment-291791">

    Business Beauty:

    I am absolutely head over heels in love with this site! I’ve been reading for months and finally I’m ready to post.

    Let’s see.. It was about 5 years ago (damn I’m old), My senior year in undergrad, I was captain of the cheerleading squad and he was captain of the football team. (off some straight storybook stuff) Both of us were scholar athletes; I’m talking ‘bout 4.0s and MVPs.. smh. We knew each other all four years but throughout our matriculation we both were in long term relationships. He was on the fast track to marriage in his relationship, while I on the other hand had just being cheated on in the WORST way.. you know the kind where your BF breaks up with you and all of a sudden his mistress is 5 months pregnant? Yea, THAT kind.Any way by senior year we were both single and by that time his nerdiness had worn off. This kid went from a dorky looking nerd with glasses to the “Big Man on Campus w/ lasik” All of the women were fainting in his presence; me? Not so much. To make a long story short I eventually gave into his “perfectness” and we began to date. I used to sneak into his apt and surprise him, he would cook for me, we would talk for hours and fall asleep in each other arms. Now remember this was senior year spring semester, like 3 months before graduation.So the inevitable happened; we graduated and I moved back home and he stayed in the city. So of course I thought oh well that’s that and pushed him out of my mind. But he continued to call and eventually sparked my interest again. I ended up attending graduate school in the same city as my undergraduate university, and so did he. I would visit him from time to time whenever I was in the city and every time I was taken back to our glory days. But now he had a girlfriend. Not any girlfriend.. the LIVE IN kind. Lol She was about 4 years younger than us, but none-the less she won his heart. The problem is he still pursued me on a daily basis, telling me that he wasn’t really feeling her but they were stuck together because of their “living arrangement”. He would always talk about how we were perfect for each other and how he wanted to explore a relationship with me in the future.Time passed and I of course had my heart broken again. He was always there. Fast-forward to 2011. I’m on a 5 month hiatus from facebook, merely because FB is the devil! Lol I completely cut myself off from the outside world, changing my number and everything. So one day when I’m thinking of him, I send him any innocent text which reads: “Sorry I’ve been MIA, we have to KIT” to which he replies: “Wow! You’ve been gone for so long, we have to talk. So much has happened, I got engaged!” ENGAGED?!!! I swear I almost fainted.The thoughts in my mind started to ramble.. How on earth is he ENGAGED?!To that little kid?! (He and I are 28 while she is like 23) I didn’t know what to say.. so I didn’t even reply. The next day I quickly texted him ‘CONGRATS’ and I thought that was that.But it wasn’t. He replied “We need to talk. Let’s meet for drinks and discuss some things”. I said “Sure” but till this day have never taken him up on his offer. I will not be “that girl”! I will not come between a woman and her fiancé!I swear that chick MUST be pregnant! There is no other explanation on why an educated man with 2 degrees and his whole life ahead of him would propose to a little girl who has cheated on him multiple times. NO OTHER REASON! Oh well.. he is truly “The one that got away”.

    -BB

    OMG! I am a #hopeless romantic. Please talk to him! Let him speak!

  40. My ex, who is now married, was probably the perfect woman for me, but as usual, I always think that I can find another woman just as good for me as her. To be honest, I've met great women since her, but nobody, even my current main woman, has that chemistry with me across the board. I'm not mad about it though, I wish her the best.

  41. I can relate to this story, because I went through something quite similar. Although I think I'd be speaking from her point of view because I reckon I went through what she went through. I had a boyfriend at the time as well, he was the wall separating me from the amazing guy I could have been with. I was young, and I still had a lot to learn. At that time I was dating this douche bag who cheated on me numerous times, I was too stupid to get out of it or to realize how much more I deserved.
    I met him, his name is Andrew. I knew him before but we never really spoke to each other. It was through our mutual friend's party that we really got to know each other. Like you our chemistry was so obvious, I think we both knew it at the time but we shrugged it off knowing one of us was in a relationship. After that party, we would text each other and entertain each other quite often with our short but memorable messages. I felt horrible though, knowing I had developed feelings for someone else while I was in relationship. So I decided to delete his number and forget about him. It worked for a couple of months, I lived my life, he lived his, but it didn't take long for our paths to clash. It was at a community event that we saw each other once again. He was part of this Musical and I was an audience member. I remember watching him up on stage and being completely captivated by him. Every single memory I had of him that I tried to dispose came rushing back. Anyways it's too long of a story, I'd probably go on forever, but when we hung out he treated me the way I wanted my own boyfriend to treat me. By the time I actually had the courage to tell him how I felt, and by then I wasn't with my boyfriend I had to unexpectedly leave the country. I did tell him how I felt, he did too, the feeling was mutual. The thing is, we both knew it wouldn't work, so we left it at that. I still think about him a lot, I think about what could've happened, but I know I have to move on.

  42. hi,

    thank you for sharing your bittersweet could've-been-love-story.

    i guess most everybody has one that got away or had been the one that got away. it's interesting to note, however, how these people kept on popping back into our consciousness every so often, and when they do, what to do about it. are we not satisfied with how things are now in our lives (I'm asking myself more than i'm asking you)? is it closure we need? and why is it that almost always no pictures of the two of you were ever taken? should we take that as a sign that the relationship is doomed right at the onset? maybe if we meet somebody we like, we have to make sure to take photographs to ward off the curse?

    just my two cents.

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