As mentioned last weekend, we’re highlighting some of the top comments from daily readers every week. We know that some of you only read via email or RSS, so this is a good way to let you know about the discussions we have on the site daily. For those that are active on the site, this is a way to give a bit of recognition for taking the time to share some thoughts that push along a conversation, provide comic relief, or make somebody go call their mama, sister, daughter, or wayward teen. Enjoy!
Sadly after going to sleep and waking up the only example of tact (that I may or may not have employed in the past) I could think of is this….
New Girl: Wow. I had a great time last night, you remember to call me okay.
Me: *realizing I can’t remember what the hell her name is* Oh, definitely. You know, I just thought of something. What’s your middle name?
New Girl: Lynn
Me: Lynn. I like that. I think I’m gonna call you that.
From Kema on Angry Birds: An Analysis of the term, “Bird”
“N.I.A. Naturally: I’ll say this, if black men held themselves to the same standards that they hold black women, we could come up as a community…”
Maybe this should be “if black women held black men to the same standards that black men hold black women, we could come up as a community.” We let them get away with so much! Yea they will dog that girl for having a train ran on her but we dont dog guys out enough for being a part of that train. Maybe if men had the same fear women have concerning illicit behavior (ie…hurts their chances with women) things would be different.
This is an interesting concept I must say… and it makes sense to me
unlike a lot of the BS men say.
How I decipher if a man is looking for relations vs. relationship… easy peasy.
1) What the topics of conversation are the first 2 or 3 times we chat. Dont start chatting me up about s.exual positions, partners, etc b/c you will LOSE.
2) Ask him. I have learned… LAWD have I learned *waving my church fan* to take a man at his word. If he says no relationship, and that’s what you are looking for… dead that unless you wanna string yourself along. If he says no relationship but you are down for relations, welp guess you found yourself a winner winner chicken dinner.
From NaijaSweetz on Single Black Mail – How to tell potential lovers that you’re a virgin
I would say the best thing to do is be 100% real. Let the dudes know you’re a virgin and your stance, just like you wrote to us. They either have to love it, or leave you alone. Simple. Don’t compromise your stance for loving. Trust.
That just about sums it up. When I was one, I didn’t have any qualms about putting it out there. I didn’t broadcast it to the world, of course, but if the subject of sex came up and/or I was asked about my experiences, I would let it be known. The first guy I dated was that cliche’d ass thug gentleman. It was the cutest thing. We would have long conversations and he wouldn’t bring sex up after he found out. Our relationship was short-lived due to certain circumstances (say no to thug life), but I still remember our first date. He made sure to pull me in as close as possible through the movie, and the boldest thing he did was to sneak a kiss on my cheek. Now, this was a guy who had a short ass fuse with everyone but me. Quite a few girls liked him, but he had eyes only for me. Or so it seemed, anyway. If we had stayed together, I probably would’ve ended up doing something with him on his 21st birthday. Or so I thought. When I brought it up to him a year or so later, he said that he wouldn’t have let me. So yeah…there are some guys out there who are willing to hang around without getting the goodies.
As for my “first,” he found out relatively early that I was a virgin, and there was never any kind of pressure to do anything. I only had to say the word “no” once – literally – when it came to crossing that line. It wasn’t until about a year into our acquaintance that it happened, and even though there was quite a bit of drama in the story of us, me being a virgin played only a small part if any at all. To be honest, I’ve found it more complicated to tell someone that even though I’m not currently one and I freely discuss matters relating to it, I will likely not have sex with him. On the one end, I’m that “never say never” kind of person and don’t want to end up eating my words, but at the same time I feel the need to let a guy know that he’s not necessarily going to get the goods. I see a lot of guys talking about how it’s tacky for a woman to bring something like that up early on, but I don’t like my time being wasted or leading people on/giving false hope. I don’t have any kind of timeline that I work with, so no one should be surprised if they find out that I don’t have sex again until I get married. Or that I meet someone in a couple of months and get sucked back into that game of lovin’. Whatever the case, I’ve been hitting guys with the “no, you’re never gonna get it” (Never ever gonna get it) line for awhile now. Sometimes I’m straight up, sometimes I bring it forth in a light manner, and sometimes it’s a bit awkward. But, girl, whatever you do, just be true to yourself. When it comes up, let ‘em know what it is. There’s no foolproof answer for anything, so you might as well just lay it out there.
Yeah, “lay” it out there. That’s what we say. That’s probably what at least a couple of us will try to do tonight. Oops. TMI. See yall on Monday!
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