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Welcome to Wedding Season

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‘Tis the season of the grownest and sexiest event of them all, the Spring/Summer wedding. All the months of planning, arguing, overspending budgets, last minute changes and furious weight loss finally culminate on one day of beautiful, marital bliss. No matter how you feel about the institution of marriage itself, you can’t help but feel some joy for the Mr. and Mrs. to be when you get the invite in the mail, unless you’re a complete hater, which means you’ll probably say something like “That heffer better not wear white”. In any event, if you decide to go, here are a list of things that annoy me few tips on what I like to call Wedding Etiquette.

If You’re Late, Skip the Ceremony

There’s nothing more annoying than hearing someone walk in late during a wedding. Historically, walking in quietly never really seems to work, so if you’ve gotten word that the ceremony has already started, or you get there and there isn’t a gathering of people standing outside, just start making your way to the reception. You won’t feel like complete jerk for having everyone turn around in the middle of ceremony to watch you walk in, and you can probably take this time to go pick up a card, since you’re probably showing up empty handed and tardy.

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Dance With Caution

If you can’t dance…just sit down. Your RSVP doesn’t require you to embarrass yourself nor does it entitle you to torture the other attendees with your rendition of “Thriller”. If you feel that you must dance, wait until the Electric Slide and/or the Cha Cha Slides break out, that way you can mask your rhythm issues.

Now if you don’t have rhythm issues, by all means, dance the night away, but know your audience. If you’re amongst mostly friends and family, I suppose it’s not a bad idea to break out that Bogle/Heel Toe/Sweep combo you’ve been working on since Miami Carnival, but if your boss invites you to his daughter’s wedding and most of the people there look like they listened to NPR on the car ride in, popping, locking and dropping is not the best idea. You could probably teach them How to Dougie though.

A quick word to my Greek friends: 1. strolling is not dancing, 2. unless you’re at the wedding of a greek super couple, resist the urge to turn the reception into a greek picnic, 3. remember you might have to hymn it up at the reception, so learn the damn words. Blaming it on the alcohol is the oldest excuse in the book and you know we don’t believe you.

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Act Like You’ve Been Out Before

The second question your black friends will ask you after they find out you’re getting married is “Open Bar right?”. While many a night has been spent tossing and turning trying to decide if the napkins should be marigold or sunflower, 60 percent of the guest list really only cares about what kind of scotch will be served at the bar, and plan to drink their friends into debt before the ink is dry on the marriage license. Everyone loves a good open bar, but don’t take it overboard. Being mad thirsty because free liquor is available is never a good look, especially if you can’t hold said liquor. You’re not going to score points with the bridesmaid you’re trying impress smelling like throw up.

Don’t Burn The Toast

At most of the weddings I’ve been to, they usually only let the wedding party say a few words, but I have found myself at a few weddings where the MC thought it was a good idea to open it up to the floor and let everyone get their two cents. Say a few words if the power of Christ compels you, but choose your words wisely. Things like “Thank God she’s finally married” or “I thought he’d never leave them hos alone” may get some awkward laughs, but it’s more uncomfortable than amusing. Stay away from that “May all your up and downs be in the bedroom” line. Worst line ever.

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Showing up late and hoppin’ all night,

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Comment(44)

  1. "A quick word to my Greek friends: 1. strolling is not dancing, 2. unless you’re at the wedding of a greek super couple, resist the urge to turn the reception into a greek picnic, 3. remember you might have to hymn it up at the reception, so learn the damn words. Blaming it on the alcohol is the oldest excuse in the book and you know we don’t believe you."

    This had me LOL'ing. I've often thought about busting out a stroll during my reception (if and when that day comes) If we do, we will def be having stroll practice and the hymn will be printed and passed out to them sorors that be faking it at chapter/conference/etc lol

  2. +If you didn't RSVP don't come should be another thing.

    +Oh and you do NOT need to twerk at the wedding reception either. It is not the club.

    +Don't wear 5 minute shoes and when you get to the reception walk around barefoot.

    +If you just started dating someone not too long ago and only RSVP'ed for ONE don't bring his/her behind. The family does not need to meet them unless you've accidentally impregnated or been impregnated by them.

  3. lmao. I was confused as hell when I got on twitter and saw that a post had gone up because I have Good Friday off work, and I'm in weekend mode already thinking this is early Saturday morning. I was like "damn, they were really serious about those Saturday posts..but I thought it was going to be just highlights, though?" Anywhoos.

    "Say a few words if the power of Christ compels you, but choose your words wisely. Things like “Thank God she’s finally married” or “I thought he’d never leave them hos alone” may get some awkward laughs, but it’s more uncomfortable than amusing. "

    Let the choir burst out in a song of Amen. I haven't been to many weddings, but the groom's toast for the last one I frequented was a trainwreck. The groom's brother was invited to speak, and though he didn't say anything about sexcapades (preacha man), he basically broke down the beginnings of the couple's relationship in a way that wasn't flattering to the poor dude. Like, at all. Even put dude's age out there, and I think that was cause for some embarrassment as well. They almost called him back a second time, but my girl deaded that without missing a beat. To top it off, he was rather dull. Then there was the best man who went on a 50 page tangent about some irrelevant ass ish, and mostly talked about himself. Probably thought he was funny too, with his pitiful ass. Sorry, I'm still slightly annoyed about some stuff he'd said to some other friend.

    Now, the ladies knew what was up. They kept it short, simple & sweet, and their words were met with genuine laughter. A lot of people have no idea what a toast is or should be, so they just get up there and improvise on some BS tip.

  4. if you a woman that is NOT in the wedding party please do NOT wear a white dress! no white, ivory, off-white, ecru, mother of pearl, egg-shell or even beige… that's just rude! no matter what you think about the bride…

    1. THIS!!

      Stay away from any color that might be confused with white. So, if your little niece thinks your pale yellow dress looks white, don't wear it to the wedding. Thanks, Management.

  5. Wedding party and guests, quench your thirst before the wedding. I know weddings offer prime hookup opportunities, but don't act like you've never seen attractive member of the opposite sex dressed well. If the couple is young and fairly attractive, there will be plenty of young and attractive people at the wedding. Relax. Nothing worse than a weeding full of women acting like they're on a hike in the Sahara.

    1. omg. i went to an AKA/Alpha wedding once and ALL MY GIRLFRIENDS wanted to come just bc they knew it would be a lot of employed black men in suits there. lol. even ones that didn't know the couple. heck, i barely knew the couple.

      i've never seen so many groupies in disguise at one event before. wow. i'm pretty sure all of the single men (Alphas or not) got a ride home that night. and i'm not speaking of transportation. lol

  6. "A quick word to my Greek friends: 1. strolling is not dancing, 2. unless you’re at the wedding of a greek super couple, resist the urge to turn the reception into a greek picnic, 3. remember you might have to hymn it up at the reception, so learn the damn words. Blaming it on the alcohol is the oldest excuse in the book and you know we don’t believe you."

    ^ this, is hilarious. lmbo.

    i haven't been to many weddings, sadly, but i love them. lol. when most of my friends were getting married i was going through a hermit phase and didn't go. lol. but this is good advice.

    the last wedding i went to was so coontastic i thought i was in an episode of The Boondocks. two of the bridesmaids did a ghetto interpretive dance rendition to "Spend my life with you" by eric benet and tamia as part of the ceremony, the WHOLE bridal party sans the bride changed into booty shorts for the reception, and this woman sang a Destiny's Child a cappella song by herself… doing all the parts… if you've ever heard "amazing grace" by DC, imagine one person trying to overlap HERSELF with harmonizing and timing. it took all my will power and strength to not burst into hysterical laughter. man i will never forget that wedding. lol

  7. I know this wasn't on your list but being involved with planning all my friends bridal showers and bachelorette parties – you have to mention RSVP's. They are there for a reason. If you are coming then tell someone! And don't show up with no extra people. This is not the VIP at the club, this is somone's wedding. *just my two cents*

  8. The point about skipping the ceremony, I wish I knew that in advance. I went to a wedding that was said to start at 5:30, we ( the only two black women invited to the wedding) arrive at 5:24 but had to find parking. After finding parking we walked in at 5:35 only to find out it's on the beach, I would say we got to the area where the ceremony was being held at 5:40 and once we got there the ceremony was over 5 minutes later. The only reason why I was bothered was because we were the only two black people and we arrived late…smh… Next time I know better. 

    Oh and about dancing, watching people who can't dance try to dance has to be the best part about going to a wedding, especially when the "dancers" are drunk.

  9. good post.

    went to a wedding in Chicago last weekend for my linesister (her hubby is not Greek). we surely did stroll. If/when I get married we are strolling, and line dancing. all night. that is all. I may even change my outfit for the occasion.

    I gotta get my hands on this video of me doing the dougie too. lol

    I love wedding season pretty much because I love dressing up, and seeing old friends, dancing in a sanctioned venue (no club bs) and of course love love love. good times.

    🙂

  10. I love weddings man… Ironically about four years ago I complained that I had never been in a wedding before. My chapter said, "That's because people are afraid of something you might say." And now i've not only been invited to on average three weddings a year, but i've been in four. Funny, i'm never the one who says anything out of pocket, I actually have this thing called etiquette.

    I will share with you my funniest wedding moments ever:

    1) The Best Man giving a toast says, "It's funny, I was just telling my girl the other day … well actually she's not my girl, but…"

    2) I'm sitting at the reception table with my boy and he says, "I don't know what i'm going to do, but i'm going to do something." About 45 minutes later while all the dudes are in a circle rapping the words to some traditional Savage L.O.X. song, he comes out of nowhere and drops a glass full of Henny in the middle. It shatters everywhere on the dance floor.

    3) We got invited on the sly to a reception of one of our boys. At one point our boy asks us, "Hey, do you know that guy over there?" We look up and it's a member of the extended crew passed out in his own vomit on the dancefloor.

    3b) "Nah we never seen him before."

    4) me: YOU FORGOT THE HYMN! him: I didn't forget the hymn, i'm drunk. me: Because that's so much better, HEY HE FORGOT THE HYMN!!!

    5) The bride who told everybody at the reception that she didn't have any panties on up under her dress. It was mad funny because she was so wasted and thought it was the funniest thing to keep walking around giggling and whispering it to everyone.

    @Telly: As a person who has been the only Black person or couple at a wedding, actually I never been the Black couple, I would always just bring someone not Black with me. But the point is, don't show up late, and don't draw attention to yourself, and easy on the Henny, drink Jameson.

  11. I need to find more friends that get married. All of this is so foreign to me.

    I have only attend two weddings in my life. The first one I was the flower girl the second one the bride. The only problem I had at my wedding was the minister had a little to drink before the ceremony. It was actually kind of funny (I was 19) because he kind of resembled the pope. He said "kiss the bride" about 5 times during the ceremony.

  12. I was at my best dudes wedding last year and although I was put to slave labor like a pledgee, we had some interesting moments.

    – Both being WASTED the night before at some random party

    – Both being incredibly hung over picking up his cousin from the airport

    – Me re-writing the wedding pamphlets and getting 200+ copies on the good paper

    – Me driving him to pick up the corsages, his cumberbund, and some other random ish he forgot

    – Realizing that the limo was ahead of schedule causing traffic since there was a block party

    – Sending the limo to my house and picking him up to change at my crib

    – Both of us realizing the ish didn't matter since the bride was THREE hours late…lol

    The best part was the last (supper) breakfast and just mellowing out his last single hours….good times

    So yea… F wedding season…lol

  13. I feel like I'm somewhat of a wedding etiquette expert. One downfall to having alot of girlfriends is that I go to alot of weddings. Seriously, I was in 4 weddings in 2008! I feel like Katherine Heigl, I'm always a bridesmaid. I'm in a wedding in August too. *sigh* Anyway, I agree with the post. Be careful with toasts and words of "advice". Be careful with getting drunk. And most avoid drama at all costs.

    I feel like sharing:

    Best wedding moment I've had: one of my besties got married 3 years ago. A group of us have been friends since the 1st grade. Right after she danced with her father, we had a group dance or friend dance. Her husband brought out a tray with 6 hairspray bottles and the DJ played Mariah Carey's Dream Lover (which was our song back in the day). We put our arms around each other and lip synced together for the last time. Everyone was crying. It was beautiful.

    Worst wedding moment I've had: one of my guy friends got married to his new girl except his old girl is one of my close friends who the new wife invited to the wedding. (yes this was an epic fail) Long story short, my friend got wasted and started backing it up on my boy who just got married. His new wife pulled ME aside and told me to handle it. I tried to remove her. New wife's sister came up and splashed alcohol on top of my friend's head. A full on fight. Then as my friend was walking out the door she said to the new wife "He told me a month ago he still loves me, b*tch!" Yeah not good at all.

    1. See.. now the new wife was just stupid…I blame her for inviting the EX-chick to the wedding. Exes are exes for a reason.

      1. Yeah that was a stupid move. A wedding is all about the bride. If you're not cool with the bride, don't go. I get the wife was trying to be nice because we go way back but that was just non-sensical. I did put the blame on my friend though. The couple are still married but it could have been bad. Her comment could have cost him his marriage. I don't care how drunk she got, somethings should never be said.

        1. And for those of you who like to pick me apart. This comment has no value:

          "I feel like I’m somewhat of a wedding etiquette expert." <— I don't really feel like I'm an expert. It's just a comment.

        2. Who ever liked this comment is an official Lillian in my book.

          And I don't think i'm an expert. Quote me correctly next time, "I'm just a dude from DC who like to talk ish and be heard."

  14. Weddings are cool! I've been in two, and been to plenty others.

    One thing I will say is at my wedding the greek-ness will have to be regulated somewhat, lol. I willbe goin IN though!

    Oh and please be respectful if you RSVP and cannot go LET THE BRIDE/GROOM know!

    I don't get super wasted at weddings, just not cool, lol. I do take full advantage of libations though!

    1. So tempted to put the homey Streetz on the summer jam screen. I had to check my wedding book to confirm, but, there's definitely a picture of you going in on the stroll line… lol. I think we doing the freeze…

      Good times! I

      1. LOL

        I didnt say I wouldn't be, I just said I dont want it to turn into Ultimate Jam hahaha!

        And yup I definitely repped at your joint. 75% of frat was out of breathe lol

  15. As a newlywed of almost 7 months, I cosign on pretty much everything that is been said.

    The bane of my existence were the RSVPs and folks trying to add plus ones. PEOPLE WEDDINGS CAN BE EXPENSIVE, please respect my checkbook at 35 bucks a plate. I'm not trying to pay for your most recent jumpoff!!! Needless to say some feelings got bruised and they weren't mine.

    Don't come to someone's wedding ceremony. Just don't do it. I had a Day Of Coordinator that we called the General. My wedding started on time, and no one got in that was late.

    I am 37 years old and yes I did get my proper strut on at my wedding. Crimson and Cream was in the building. You never get too old for that!

  16. Good post RCLS! I like that you're back in the mix.

    I LOVE weddings! Always have, always will. I have been in a few and always love trying to finagle with the bride for the pick of walking down with the best looking groomsmen.

    I happen to know that I am the “embarrassing story” for one of my close girl friends weddings. She had the best wedding ever, beautiful location off the water in Long Beach, immaculate reception room and open bar. I had called off my own wedding 3 months later and let’s just say I was a bit sentimental and drank a little too much (some of ya’ll know I don’t hold liquor well). I ended up singing along to MJ’s PYT to the top of my lungs in front of this long mirror in the reception room. I was holding an imaginary microphone and everything. People started to gather around so I guess I felt like I had to give them a show so I kicked up my legs MJ style dancing, air grabbing at my pretend crouch and pointing to the ladies. My man let this go on for a few minutes but got annoyed and came and sat my happy ass down. The next morning at the celebration brunch everyone felt like they needed to show me pics/video of my tomfoolery and thank me for being a highlight of their night. The bride and I still talk and laugh about that story. No more drinking at weddings for me.

    1. "I have been in a few and always love trying to finagle with the bride for the pick of walking down with the best looking groomsmen."

      Yes! I've done this before. hahaha And I make it my mission to capture video of anyone making a fool of themselves on the dance floor. LOL

      1. At my cousin's wedding I walked down with this FINE (I mean he was like a Calvin Johnson doppleganger) groomsmen. I was so hated on by all the women at the reception that night because we only danced with each other. He lives in Texas and I had a man…but oooh honey chile if that was not the case….

    2. "I have been in a few and always love trying to finagle with the bride for the pick of walking down with the best looking groomsmen."

      Lol..I remember I was in my cousin's wedding and I told that he couldn't make me look bad and put some mud duck on my arm while walking in, lol. (of course I was jokingly serious). He said, "Ok cuz, I'll see what I can do." Anyway, I get to the dress rehearsal and I'm looking around and so far I see not one of the assumed bridesmaids that looks relatively attractive. So I'm about to just charge it to the game when they say "ok, we'll pair you up now" and I'm looking to see what my "fate" is. I heard Larry, you're with "X". It turns out "X" was late and was sitting a few rows back in the reahearsal and I never noticed her. When I turned around and saw her let's just say my cousin definitely did NOT let me down, lol. I looked at him and he gave me the good 'I told you I got you' look and seal of approval nod and grin followed. Long story short she didn't get a chance to sleep at her hotel that weekend. Fin.

  17. lol All this Greek stuff you guys always make reference to is like..well, Greek to me. It takes me back to a time when I wished I were going to University – I mean, College – in the US, just so I could experience alla that and see marching bands & ish.

    All what has been said about RSVPs is truth.com. At the aforementioned wedding I attended, there were some unaccounted-for chicks who came to the reception and had the nerve to stand there mean-muggin' when it became clear that their presence was frowned upon by some guy who fancied himself the General that someone else referred to in their narrative. I personally got annoyed because we had to pay for their refusal to leave, and we received threats that we weren't going to get any food because our table was +3. Not to mention the fact that I had to share my seat at some point. We finally got food..LAST. Smh.

    Weddings back home in Nigeria are different for sure. There is always an over-abundance of food, and it's expected that there will be many more people than projected present. My mom's was HUGE because she was big time back in those days. Meanwhile, this ish breaks people's bankbooks in North America. To be honest, I want my wedding & reception guestlist to be very tight (and it doesn't even have much to do with the costs involved), but I know there'll be Aunties & Uncles, etc, that I care not a thing for who'll receive an obligatory invitation. Then again, I think my mom has her heart set on handling the finances, so more power to her. I don't even know if I'm ever getting married.

  18. I truly am mystified as to why people still feel that they HAVE to be "married" to be with someone they care about. Its an outdated institution that no ones takes seriously anyway. At least half will end in divorce, and it seems more practical (and cost-efficient) for individuals to simply part and go their separate ways instead of bringing in the courts, lawyers, and others trying to divide assets and custody.

  19. I truly am mystified as to why people still feel that they HAVE to be “married” to be with someone they care about. Its an outdated institution that no ones takes seriously anyway. At least half will end in divorce, and it seems more practical (and cost-efficient) for individuals to simply part and go their separate ways instead of bringing in the courts, lawyers, and others trying to divide assets and custody.

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