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Single Black Mail: The side chick struggle

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Got 'em!

The Email

My boyfriend and I are having issues with his inability to be faithful. When he left for work a couple of months ago, I started seeing someone on the side, a jump off if you will. To me there was never any real feeling involved between me and J.O since we didn’t really do much except “smash”, i must give him credit for his conversation skills however. So the other day we got into a very childish argument and he said the problem was the way i spoke to him. We haven’t hung out since and he doesn’t call me when he say he’s going to. I’ve seen him around at work with hicky’s on his neck, so I assume he has some new p*$$y keeping him occupied. I miss the companionship and the D. Should I keep pursuing him or leave him alone?

–  Cam

The Response

Hi Cam!

Wow at your email first of all. My eyes lit up with the number of directions I could take this advice, but I will be as impartial and non-judgemental(unjudgemental?) as we can!

So you and your side piece had an argument. Sh*t happens, I guess. What caught my eye was that you went into this side hustle wanting nothing more than sex, yet I think you caught feelings! You “miss his companionship and the D”, which is causing you to contemplate chasing dude down to see why you no longer speak. I hate to break this to you, but this is a classic case of TOWBAO (Though One Way But Acted Otherwise).

See Also:  Why Men Lie When They Could Easily Tell the Truth

You thought you weren’t going to catch feelings, but your actions (engaging in conversation, hanging out, actually liking son for more than his pipework) caused you to break your mental pact and cross the realm of a Strictly Sexual relationship to the grey area. You probably let dude know of your situation (I’m giving you this benefit of the doubt), and he was like “cool more sex for me!”. He never put you in that grey area. You were a piece of ass, nothing more, as you made him!

You probably tried to son this gentleman, talk down to him, or even tried to punk him, and he reacted by chucking you the middle finger and swimming in new women with their own condominiums. Why f*ck a woman with a boyfriend and all the drama associated, and have to be verbally berated, when he could have the same benefits from single women (or committed women who don’t talk sh*t to him). He more than likely performed the cost vs benefit analysis in his mind, and erred on the side of stress free pums. The fact that you see him around work LOOKING like he’s been f*cking is evidence enough that he has zero f*cks left to give about your feelings. Wait…

See Also:  @Streetztalk 's reason #12345 why people remain single: BBM gone wild

Time OUT!

**Zack Morris Time Out**

So you decide to cheat on your boyfriend with a  COWORKER?! Sweetheart, you’re asking for MUCH more drama than the average person. You have to be smart, if you’re going to be grimy. That just opens about 10 Pandora’s boxes worth of trouble and mixes facets of your life. You’re living dangerously!! *insert riddim here** I’m gonna need you to CHILL with the work affairs!

Time In!

So my advice on that front would be to leave dude alone. You only wanted him for sex and you got that. Cut your losses and move on. The bigger problem I see is the relationship between you and your boyfriend. Clearly there are exuberant amounts of trust issues abound! This situation all stemmed from your boyfriend cheating on you. Instead of working it out, or leaving him alone, you decide that “what’s good for the goose, is good for the gander” and get your own PYT. You wait for him to go away and trick behind his back, because he’s more likely doing the same to you. Life is too short, people are too crazy, and drama is too real for you to be cheating on one another and still staying together. Two wrongs do not equal a right. If it’s that serious, have an open relationship, so that there’s no cheating involved, if monogamy is a problem. Otherwise, you need to leave that situation alone 100% You’re lying to yourself if you think any of this is cool.

See Also:  Oh you FANCY huh?!

Readers – What do you think of this situation? Should she pursue the side piece? Why do you think son stop talking to her? What.About.Her.BOYFRIEND?!!!  Any and all comments appreciated! If you want your questions answered, click on the SingleBlackMail – Contact Form Tab above (but since y’all lazy click HERE)

P.S. Remember to vote for us in the Black Weblog Awards! Suggested categories to vote for us in are Best Design, Best Group Blog, Best Sex and Relationship Blog, Best Lifestyle Blog, Best Blog Post Series (Please use THIS URL), and Blog of the Year.

 

Comment(130)

  1. she's wiling. affair with a co-worker? and who said [all] women cheat smarter? on top of that she's giving the jump off a hard time. what's the point of being a jump off if you have to deal with the hassle and arguments. i would have done the same thing ole' boy did.

  2. "What do you think of this situation? Should she pursue the side piece? Why do you think son stop talking to her? What.About.Her.BOYFRIEND?!!!"

    i think their situation is seriously messed up now… they are both lying and cheating. they need to have a real heart to heart and see if they even want to be together.

    SN: as a advocate for open relationships i say her and her boyfriend are not a good fit. they are both lying, cheating etc.. open relationships are about honesty and trust and caring about the person that you are with. not revenge fvking!!

    i do not think she should pursue the JO.. pursue him for what? more sex when he was able to beat it up a couple times and bounced? a relationship? he doesn't want her, that's obvious! a friend? they didn't act like friends before and don't communicate well so what would they be building this "friendship on? apparently what they had came to a close because it was just about sex and the slight that he took from her talking to him a certain way made him re-evaluate how valuable the a$$ was, and he concluded it wasn't. so that door is closed

    as for her boyfriend.. maybe this relationship can be saved, if they both come to the table with ALL their cards up, tell the truth, dig deep and see if they want the same thing. find out the root of the cheating and if it can come to a resolution. or maybe they need to just lick their wounds and go to their respective corners, calling it a day.

  3. When I saw the name of this blog I just laughed a little b/c the Alphas at my school are having a "Know Your Role" forum on this today for Alpha Week and I'm pretty sure Streetz is an Alpha.

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-299777">

      LoveB_Jones:

      When I saw the name of this blog I just laughed a little b/c the Alphas at my school are having a “Know Your Role” forum on this today for Alpha Week and I’m pretty sure Streetz is an Alpha.

      What school? lol

    1. right. i wish my grown self would be walking around my place of employment with a visible hickey. if your name is not becky and you're not 17 working at Wendy's… this is unacceptable. lol

      1. <blockquote cite="comment-299841">

        Briiz:

        That’s exactly what I was going to say. Who still gives hickies, let alone visible ones?

        Boo. Chile.. You be surprised!! *smh*

        *sideyeing those thursty/simp type ninjas*

        1. I stopped dating a dude for doing that to me. Thankfully I can work from home so I didn't go into the office until it was gone and I was in my late 20's at the time so it was totally unacceptable. Hickies after high school is a no-no IMO.

    2. There is something about being a light skinned dude…..women seem to think it is funny to give you hickies.

      Also, chicks will do that ish on purpose if they know you are in a relationship.

      1. <blockquote cite="comment-300332">

        il Duce the Grand Nagus, Master of the Rules of Acquisition: There is something about being a light skinned dude…..women seem to think it is funny to give you hickies.Also, chicks will do that ish on purpose if they know you are in a relationship.

        I agree, just like there men who will try to put a hickie necklace on chic because he knows she is either going on vacay or clubbin with the girlies.

      2. <blockquote cite="comment-300332">

        il Duce the Grand Nagus, Master of the Rules of Acquisition: There is something about being a light skinned dude…..women seem to think it is funny to give you hickies.Also, chicks will do that ish on purpose if they know you are in a relationship.

        I agree, just like there are men who will try to put a hickie necklace on chic because he knows she is either going on vacay or clubbin with the girlies.

  4. Great advice Streetz! I agree that she should abort mission with that work fellow and resolve stuff w/ her bf.

    I'm thinking that maybe the guy felt some kind of something for Cam but after their squabble and/or her changing, he decided she wasn't worth it. I wonder what she said to piss him off…? I'm also mildly confused about what their relationship actually entailed; she says they only got physical but they had conversations and he doesn't call when he says he will. i feel like the only time you should call jo is when you're ready (like Alicia keys), maybe thats just me though…

        1. That's what started it but I ended up calling him ignorant and I hung up because he was raising his voice.

  5. "He never put you in that grey area. You were a piece of ass, nothing more, as you made him!

    You probably tried to son this gentleman, talk down to him, or even tried to punk him, and he reacted by chucking you the middle finger and swimming in new women with their own condominiums. Why f*ck a woman with a boyfriend and all the drama associated, and have to be verbally berated, when he could have the same benefits from single women (or committed women who don’t talk sh*t to him). He more than likely performed the cost vs benefit analysis in his mind, and erred on the side of stress free pums. The fact that you see him around work LOOKING like he’s been f*cking is evidence enough that he has zero f*cks left to give about your feelings. Wait…

    welldang. LMBO at this honesty.

    this sounds all types of messy.

    break up with the cheater. don't cheat. and if you do cheat, don't fraternize. geesh.

    sounds like she wants to get her feelings hurt, caught by her boyfriend, fired from her job, or all three.

    that's all i got.

  6. It sounds like this young lady likes drama. So your man can't keep it in his pants and you decide to go dip off and catch feelings? Naw Sweetie,we need to rethink the whole strategy. I would say she should work things out with her man ( if she really wants him), but it seems like they all need to be on a relationship time-out.

    Good advice Streetz

  7. "My boyfriend and I are having issues with his inability to be faithful. When he left for work a couple of months ago, I started seeing someone on the side…"

    The start of this email is already too much. I almost went and made a cup of coffee so I could take a sip and have something to spit out onto my laptop screen. She says she has issues with HIS inability to be faithful and then, almost nonchalantly, mentions that she's seeing someone on the side. Apparently both of them are having issues with being faithful. If that wasn't ironic enough, she's looking for faithfulness from her side piece #DontPassGo.

    But anyway, let me make my comment more constructive. Like Streetz said, if dude is a side piece, let him be a side piece. No feelings allowed. And since that rule seems to be broken, leave the situation. If you want to continue cheating on your man, find another side piece. Don't let feelings get involved if they're just supposed to be a side piece. On a macrolevel, leave your boyfriend too unless yall can agree to an open relationship. What's the point of running around and hiding the fact that you smash behind each other's backs? Especially since it seems to be causing issues.

        1. If that's the case, keep it moving. Bringing up the fact that he doesn't call when he says he will and doesn't hang out anymore sounded like feelings might be at play. Regardless, considering this could spill over into workplace drama, you're best bet is to leave him alone. Drop it and find a new side piece.

          But like I said, drop your boyfriend too unless yall can be upfront with each other about this. If both of yall can't be faithful to each other, or at least honest about it, then it doesn't seem like a good match to begin with. Don't waste your time with it.

    1. She didnt want a JO she wanted boyfriend #2. Sounds like she wanted him to be bench player just waiting for his opportunity to get in the game.

  8. I can't say i agree with the inital analysis here. I read this (and maybe its just cuz im a girl and ur a guy Streetz) and my initial thought was buddy caught feelings and chick caught feelings back. And after the argument, he decided either "screw it" or more likely, "imma fix this rude @$$ trick".
    My reasoning:
    1. If he didn't give 2 $hit$ about her and was just in it for the beatz, there would be no conversing. Im a girl and even i didn't shoot the breeze with any of my former hoe(s).
    2. If he really was chucking the deuces in search of argument/hassle-free @$$- he wouldn't be promising to call her (because that indicates that they actually still talk), regardless of whether or not he actually kept said promises
    3. How many dudes do you know go to work (at what i assume is a reputable place of business and not Wendy's or Mcdonalds) with visible hickeys? Sounds like he was trying to make homegirl jealous to me.

    1. This is a great assessment. Maybe he didcatch feelings too… who knows. With what was provided I made that assessment.

      1) Dudes actually DO converse with women they have relations with. You also have to figure there was prior relationship there due to them being coworkers. Some cordiality at least which becomes natural

      2) So a dude has never promised to do something to/for you and hasn't come through? Shocked.

      3) Can't call this one. Maybe he's just a trick? lol.

      I think you brought a good alternative to dudes motives, but with little evidence we were provided, its left to interpretation which isn't "good" or "bad' just different.

  9. This definitely had me slayed. Just like all of you the first two sentences just caught me off guard, so many things off with this woman…"his inability to be faithful" yet as thatdamnafrican so clearly points out "shes demanding some faithfulness from her side piece" ?!?!?! what?!?!?! hahaha this chick definitely has some balls….the size of grapefruits hahaha.

  10. Lmao @ the scenario:

    my man cheated on me so I'm choosing to cheat on him with a co-worker…but doing so means nothing to me cos it's just sex with a jump off who now wants nothing to do with me and my childlike drama and is more than happy sporting his new 'stress-free' honey's love bite at work which I hate to admit is pi$$ing on my 'independent don't give a f*ck fly-girl' parade so I think I should go back and claim his a$$, d*ick & cuddles as mine until it's on to the next one…wait did I forget to mention actually have a boyfriend?! *throws arms in air*… [email protected] girl!!! ISSUES!!!

    It really doesn't sound to me like cam wants to be in a healthy relationship. Girl needs to look in the mirror…cos, from all the way over on this side of the pond, even I can see the cracks…and they are f*cking huge!

    Cam…plain and simple…leave said jump off alone…dude had a lucky escape…in all seriousness girl u should have worked things out with your man from the get go…end of! It would have resolved things and helped get your head in the right frame of mind. But U chose not to and then u started this other ish. *sighs* girl, u need a hug and then some. Simply put… U court drama. U need to step back and ask yourself why?!

  11. Good advice Streetz…and lol at the Saved by the Bell throwback.

    I’m confused as to why she doesn’t just break up with her boyfriend. The side piece doesn’t want her, so there’s no point in her pursuing a relationship with him. Son (I love hearing New Yorkers use this word. It makes me smile for some reason) stopped talking to her because he was only committed to her vagina…not a relationship. She knew what she was doing when she did what she did and now ish has hit the fan. Then the side piece is a co-worker…tisk, tisk. Unfortunately darker days are to come because she’s involved with two men that have no respect for her. She should drop the boyfriend and side piece, so she can emotionally recollect herself and clear her mind.

  12. First of all, if she was looking for a revenge f*ck, she should have made it a one-time thing. You don't enter a cut buddy situation as a reaction to some ish that's going on in your life. That's mistake #A.

    Mistake 2 was having conversations with the jump off.

    Mistake 5 is fighting with the jump off. Who fights with a jump off? Go fight with your boyfriend like a normal person.

    This girl is clearly a freshman trying to engage in live man behaviour and it blew up in her face. Now she wants to know if she should pursue the jump off who quit her? Girl, bye.

  13. Sweet 8lb. 2oz. Baby Jesus. This. Right. Here. If this isn't a Duh, B!tch: Things Your Dumbass Should Already Know situation, I just don't know what is. (Lemme stop before I actually have to write this book).

    Okay, I've had a long held belief that FWB can't ever work. #1 Reason: The woman [usually] catches feelings. There are several other reasons as well, but that is definitely #1. This one definitely caught feelings. But what makes this EXTRA ratchet-y, is the fact that her FWB is a side piece. AND a co-worker. o_O (and for my Asian friends) ^_^ BISH, IS YOU CRAZY?!?

    SN: Before y'all go all in with "Men catch feelings just as much" please know this is my opinion which automatically makes it right because men have an uncanny ability to dissociate all emotion from the act of sex and still enjoy it.

    Chapter 3: Don't Sh*t Where You Eat.

    One thing you should never underestimate is the power of the male ego. Forget guns, hurricanes/tornadoes, and drunk drivers. A bruised male ego is the #1 killer of men and women both in the streets and e-streets. Now I don't know what she does or where her man works/what he does, but there are usually too many work functions for family to show up to where this could blow up. Granted, if I travelled for work I likely wouldn't want to go to my chick's work get-togethers when I got home, but to NEVER be invited, might raise a red flag in my mind.

    SN #2: Where DOES this chick work? I just don't know anywhere where you can walk around with visible hickeys. Also, WHO THE HELL past the age of 15 walks around with a hickey. And he's a dude?!? (Sounds like her boy is on Team Edward… translation #Ghey).

    Streetz, you are a better man than me. I woulda WENT IN! Like #SheGonCryInTheCar. Good job as always. Hell, I just have too much to say and not enough time. I gotta get to work.

  14. Cam should leave both of them. If she wants a casual sex based relationship, then she can't catch feelings. But it seems as if she's not interested in casual relationships if she's talking out missing companionship and getting jealous of hickeys. She needs to wait until she gets to a point where she's ready for an actual relationship, and find someone else that feels the same.

  15. Yes she should leave ol' boy alone…she forgot "treat 'em like u meet 'em"! Conversations what's that jump offs don't get conversation! As far as her "real relationship" if they both cheating what's the point? Seems like all she's doing is creating more issues than solvin them!

  16. I am too old for this foolishness (She needs to sit down somewhere)….lol. I agree with all the advice you gave her and you made me laugh this morning…:-)

    #thatisall

  17. First, I agree with your advice Streetz so I'm not going to have much more to add in that regard. However – and maybe it's just me so no offense to Cam – I really thought this email was written by a man until this line, "I’ve seen him around at work with hicky’s on his neck, so I assume he has some new p*$$y keeping him occupied."

    Now either I'm crazy or that means Cam demonstrated a certain level of detachment towards s*x and cheating that I normally associate with men. Given the situation she put herself in, I also believe Cam is probably relatively young. This is either her first or she is relatively new to the whole "jump off" game, which many above have already schooled her to so I won't repeat. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt here because if she's over 23 and still actively participating in these type of relationship games………

    The children are our future.

  18. Good Advice Streetz!!!

    I feel for this girl, because clearly she got caught Up!! If I was her I would cancel both dudes and try to get my head right for awhile because neither one of them give a fudge about her. I agree with Kema in the sense that she went into this FwB/sidepiece liasion hoping to make him a BF #2 and got her feelings hurt badly due to an argument.

    SN: Was the schlong that good??!! Why would she want to try and get him back ? Where is her boyfriend in all of this, does he have any clue what's going on cuz I know she is probably walking around looking crazy/depressed right about now?

  19. I'm not going to tear you down Cam. You are going to make mistakes in life just like the rest of "us". The advice I want to give you is very simple…and I want you to commit it to memory to fall back on whenever you find yourself questioning things…be it relationships….jobs…anything.

    1. Never make someone a priority if they only view you as an option.

    2. If it doesn't "feel" right..then it isn't.

    Your situation is definitely an undesirable one for a myriad of reasons that you are already aware of. Learn from it and recognize your worth as a woman…a sister…a friend…a daughter. You are better than this Cam. Expect more and settle for nothing less.

    ~hugs~

    1. SEVEN!!!!!!!

      Where ya been? We've missed ya.

      "1. Never make someone a priority if they only view you as an option."

      This right here has been my mantra, and though I'm guilty of ignoring for He Who Shall Not Be Named, it has done me good in the past.

  20. Rainy day, so I can finally comment here again. I'm sick of my employer thinking I'm supposed to do work here.

    Not much to add. Obviously the inquisitor is pretty young, and is learning the finer nuances (read: basic rules) of the game. Nothing wrong with that, you live and learn, just make sure you actually learn. I just hope she doesn't care much about this job, especially in this economy where the job market is pretty slow. You can't risk your income over some random wang.

    She needs to hit the reset button on both the sidepiece and boyfriend. She's holding onto two men she needs to let go of.

    This is flashback Wednesday: Saved by the Bell, hickeys…this whole post makes me reminisce over my teenage years in the 90s.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJNGvaeS9n0

  21. This young lady is retarded. She writes the post coming off all hard like she's in control of the situation, she only wants the D* and how she's running things. She's wack. She's trying to talk/act like a man and is just playing herself.

    She actually sounds kind of hoeish — this post annoyed me for some reason.

    1. I appreciate the comments, but people can be so judgemental. It's not nice to call people names. I'm sure everyone has made their fair share of mistakes. I'm glad God is not like humans.

      1. You know…I think it was the way that you wrote the letter. The way you wrote it honestly made you sound that way.

        Its normal and expected if you have feelings for the other guy and Its okay to just say that.

        Instead, by trying to mask the feelings that you obviously have for the other guy, your letter made you sound like this is something that you do often. Which is probably why she felt the way she feels about your whole situation.

        Girl… I think you should leave both of the guys alone. Take some time to be by yourself and figure out what you want… Or to just have some PEACE in your life. This really is a rediculous situation. And… girl I know YOU know that this is a hot mess! Leave those types of situations alone. They never end well.

        Your boyfriend obviously doesn't respect you if he's habitually cheating on you and I really can't figure out the other guy… but considering the situation, he was okay with you smashing another dude while you were smashing him, so… my guess is that he's not really feeling you that much, either. At least not enough to warrant you feeling like you had to write a letter to get advice on how to get dude back…

    2. Red you gotta chill!!

      One of the reasons people write these letters to us is to see if they're wilding with what they do, or to get another perspective. I respect opinions but let's not tear shorty down for mistakes because we all made em!

      I can't even say she's a hoe like that because she really didnt give indication of that, other than cheating, which would make a LOT of people hoes!

      1. Cam, Streetz, My apologies. I wasn't even drinking Jack Daniels this time. I'm sorry that I was being judgmental. I never meant to hurt anyone's feelings.

        I hope everything works out and that you learn from this experience Cam.

        1. "Having a committed partner and sleeping with another person at the same time is H0e behavior." – the Real World aka mother EARTH.

          Granted this title is not indefinite and can change with good behavior.

          Either way…it is what it is. Calling a spade a diamond does not change it's worth.

          That's nice of you to apologize Red Lady. 🙂

    3. I had to leave a comment. I didn't even have to finish this story to know where your head is at. I SOOO agree with Red's comment. Lol you really can't be serious. I'm annoyed for everyone who hasn't gotten to this yet. Thanks for the story and all but… you can have a seat too. It's definitely have a seat day for half of America.

      I'm walking away with my hands thrown in the air and my head shaking off my neck.

      P.S. That Steve Harvey book came to mind. I hope you didn't read it. LOL because if you did, that's probably why you failed at the "My bf sucks and I'm falling for my jump but he's doing his own thing. Woe is me."

  22. Like everyone else, I had to re-read the post to realize she was talking about her Boyfriend #2 and not her actual boyfriend.

    I'm not going to throw stones b/c I've been there before with a side chick. You need to be honest and realize you think this guy was more than some Vitamin D. Once you realize that, look back at your real relationship and ask is it even worth keeping or are you 'comfortable' or afraid to be alone.

    If something is lacking in the initial relationship and there is clearly something, maybe you need to re-evaluate yourself and what you are looking for. Some alone time from all the drama(bf #1-2) can allow you to find out who the true Cam is and what she wants. This destructive circle of a cheating couples cheating can not be good for you or your partners health (physically and mentally).

  23. "Why f*ck a woman with a boyfriend and all the drama associated, and have to be verbally berated, when he could have the same benefits from single women (or committed women who don’t talk sh*t to him)" 

    This! If she wants a FWB she needs to understand this.

    Obviously she has problems in her "relationship" and needs to just leave both JO and "boyfriend" alone. I would say she should talk to her "boyfriend" but from the letter it doesn't seem like she really cares about him anyway. Both of them are lying and cheating on each other and the only thing she worried about is if she should pursue her FWB?!?!? 

  24. "Because if you gonna do something egregious, you might as well go balls to the wall. If not, just be the hot ass mess that you are." – Dr. J

    There's a reason why they don't have me answering these emails. But in the interest of time, this chick proves Chris Rock right everytime, "I feel sorry for you guys, you gotta pick a wife out this bunch!"

    1. My likes and dislikes are like the Knicks. I'm a .500 team, but i'm about to come up on sh*t so keep disliking me, I still gon always have one or two more fans than haters.

      And I know it's you Tammy.

  25. OK – "My boyfriend and I are having issues with his inability to be faithful. When he left for work a couple of months ago, I started seeing someone on the side" Did her dude leave the state/country? Or did her dude work with them? :o/

    If your boyfriend is constantly unfaithful – is he really your boyfriend? or is this the "unknowingly" open relationship I learned about this week?

    I'm sorry to tell you this hun – but it appears that you are the J.O. in both scenarios (with your bf and with the co-worker) IJS.

  26. I think it's crazy that she only mentioned bf #1 to justify her behavior but she doesn't seem at all concerned about what he's doing with his life/time. o_O

  27. LOL @ some of these comments! And as much as I wanna cry foul, cause this email deserves some major side-eye, I have to admit that I've been equally foolish in other ways trying to learn the relationship ropes and still struggle with 'back burner' syndrome from time to time.

    Cam, Streetz gave you some very real advice. Take it.

    If you think the average guy will take you seriously in any way when he knows he's a side-piece, you are sadly mistaken. Sure, there are exceptions to the rule…very few though…and most are the rule. Having said that, that's why you don't demand ANYTHING from a side-piece. You don't bother to argue about ANYTHING…if you want the side-piece to remain a side-piece. You don't have heart-to-hearts with a side-piece. You don't befriend a side-piece. You're side-piece should be easily discardable…NO WHERE in your everyday zone (neighborhood, workplace, church)…that way, if you need to cut it, he'll be out of sight and out of mind…and prob won't ever run into your main squeeze!

    Not that I'm an advocate for this type of thing, but if you're gonna do it, do it right! Lol! I actually despise cheating. It's so unnecessary. Cut your ties and be single if you want to mingle…with a main boo for your intimate needs.

  28. Emotionless sex is a myth.

    Cheating is overrated and rarely ends the way you thought it would.

    Hear me now…..believe me later on…

    ROFL @ zack morris………Parker Lewis had more swagger and money.

  29. Okay, a lot going on here.

    First, if the boyfriend had been a habitual cheater why continue to stay with him if you dont like it? By allowing him to continue this behavior you silently are saying you are okay with it. Strike 1.

    Next, you cheat because someone else is cheating? Thats a setup for failure and shows a level of immaturity or lack of remaining interest in the relationship. Strike 2.

    Thirdly, catching feelings for the side piece. I'm not really mad at that. What I dont like is the lack of self checking. I've caught feelings for a side piece before and you know what I did? I sat back and relief I had no dog in that fight. I couldnt expect fulltime benefits for a contract position.

    My advice, dont be with either one; especially the side dude. He stuck to the rules mostly while you were trying to pay off the refs. Figure out what you want and need in a relationship and find a person that covers those basics and communicate. That seems to be lacking.

  30. Sigh…

    She needs to drop both men, go into a room with the lights off and re-think her decision making. An open relationship and jump-off problems are one thing but to decide that because your man is cheating you're going to ignore the issue and cheat too is beyond me. Do they own a huge rent-control apartment in NYC? That's the only reason I could see keep up this level of f*ckery. Lawd.

  31. I think Streetz gave her some pretty good advice. Hopefully she listens, b/c she's thuggin and buggin right now. A co-worker? And she wonders if she should keep pursuing him? Absolutely not if only for the reason of not playing yourself. She tried to play the game and caught an L. Learn your lesson and apply it in the future.

  32. Good advice, Streetz.

    "What do you think of this situation? Should she pursue the side piece? Why do you think son stop talking to her? What.About.Her.BOYFRIEND?!!!"

    This is definitely an effed up situation. Seriously, Cam, why are you still with your boyfriend if he's a habitual cheaper? He's dead weight, get rid of him. Second, DO NOT PURSUE A SIDE-PIECE. Its a side-piece, not the main course. You definitely got in over your head with this whole thing, cheating on your cheating boyfriend with a dude from work? Just messy all around…

  33. <blockquote cite="comment-300343">

    Reecie:

    this can’t be serious. I can’t even deal.

    Right! I read this twice to make sure I wasn't misreading the content…..

  34. So basically she wants to "pursue" a jump-off? The passage is worded as a question to pursue a jump-off but it sounds like it's much more than that. What tipped me off what the "companionship" part. Companionship is what you experience with someone you care about not someone you're just "smashing." Notice she didn't say "male company."

    The reason why they had an "argument" isn't important. The fact that one was had means that conditions were not made clear b/t her and the JO from the, ummm jump. lol It was probably one of those silent contracts where homie knew she had a bf and yet always wanted to smash. I wish we could know how the JO came to be. Did she throw it at him? Has he been pressing her over some time? What I noticed is that co-workers like to air out their dirty laundry at work. I'm sure he was never random. I bet he is well versed in the details of her relationship which in itself can cause a person to loose respect for you.

  35. Great advice Streetz. Is it safe to judge tho? I dunno. I'll try my hardest not to. This whole situation is a lose all around so my brain shut down after the first few sentences. Wait, that's judging. Lemme try this again. I know she was looking for a friend who she could give massages too. That's great. We all love massages but the problem is she already has a masseuse and she chose a person who she has to see everyday at her job. That's not a really good idea in my opinion. I try to ask myself, what would Jesus do? So at this point, anything that comes after this is going to be the opposite of winning for her. 🙂 <— this means I'm happy. God bless her.

    As far as him not liking the way he spoke to her…well there's a word for it. I know I caught some heat for calling women who view s.ex as just s.ex, masculine. Let me clarify. I'm referring to certain behaviors and not the overall person. I have alot of friends who enjoy the FWB thing and claim to see s.ex as only s.ex….UNTIL they start catching feels. Once they start to catch alittle feelings, they try to down play their attraction by treating the man like a boy, pet or homey. Their whole convo changes from "babe" to "dog, son, etc"…yes a tad masculine. Also, their behavior goes so laid back that it's perceived as lack of interest. Not all but alot I see. The man picks up on this and his attraction changes while he puts the girl in the homey category or walks away all together. No man wants to sleep with one of the guys.

    I tried my best to be tactful. I'm alittle itchy but I feel okay. God bless you all.

    XOXOXO

    1. Thank you for reminding me that it is okay to judge & be judged AND

      If you are going to put yourself out there… You have to be ready to deal with other people's judgements

      No further comments….

  36. This is funny. I have a 2 questions about this.

    1. If he is her boyfriend is she his girlfriend?

    2. How long have they been together

    She broke one of the FWB rules by catching feelings. It doesnt matter who he talks to or who you talk to. Neither one of you are comitted to each other. Dude probably stopped talking to her because 1. he may not be feeling her as a person 2. he has moved on to something else. It should have been a wrap on the relationship when she discovered he was cheating. There shouldn't have been a relationship after that. She should have left him and try to work things out while they are not together.

  37. It's this chick at my job and her husband in the military. Damn smh… Soon as dude shipped out, I know a few cats that was scheming on the culo. So to be real with you. I could see how this whole situation goes down. But a few things, dating a dude in the military that's stationed in Afghanistan is like dating a man who works on Wall Street when he's at the conference in Vegas … you are quickly reminded that ballers are not the only ones who get poon thrown at them 24-7. Those people stationed out in the Middle East are f*cking like rabbits. That's the men and women, just for the recuerd. She probably started off not trying to cheat, but open to the idea and dude at her job was just there. Lot of men don't know how to get p*ssy, so it just be they was in the right place at the right time. It's easier to get to know your coworkers and "that's my coworker" is a hell of a way to keep some sh*t on the low. There's tons of information on the internet about how you build more of a bond with your coworkers than you significant others or spouse. That's basically what happens.

    So now they f*cking. And most people around the job, ain't got a clue, they just seem like they close friends or either they act like they don't even know each other. This is real messed up if you work at Walmart and you a aggin trying to explain why you trying to work in Little Misses today instead of Electronics with Cam. That also explains why dude came to work with a hickey too. Culture's different.

    Few things might be at play here:

    1) Dude's have this tendency that once they get in a situation like smashing off their coworker, or cheating, or just a situation they don't want to be in anymore, they will blow up over some basic ish. Like they just looking for any reason to step out and blame it on the chick.

    2) Dude trying to keep it trilla with you and let you know that you got a man and he's not your man. Dudes do this all the time. Remember in Love & Basketball when he introduced Monica to that random breezy he was playing Nintendo with. "He was just doing that to be like, don't get it twisted." That's how dudes are, we make statements using b*tches, I mean women.

    3) You doing too much, but you also doing "you". Which is something I always tell people that they can never do successfully and expect anybody worth dealing with to be down for. Let me ask you a question, did this whole situation start around the 22nd ro 23rd of loneliness? Because I known a bunch of situations that went down this way. Look man, you got yourself in a crazy situation. You can't get mad because there's no right and wrong, in a situation that's just wrong.

    But because i'm a goon most of the time, this is what you should do: Make a video with a random dude, send it to your man's mans and them and say it's a surprise, but ask them to look at it first and see if they think he'll like it. They going to watch this joint with his entire battallion. Then send the joint to WorldStarHipHop, that's when your sidepiece gonna find out about it when he's watching videos on his cellphone in the bathroom on break at Walmart. That's really going to piss him off because if you keep it 100, call him while you wopping the dude off in the video. His name going to be on the phone in the video, while you with a random bloke.

    #COLDBLOODED

    1. "But because i’m a goon most of the time, this is what you should do: Make a video with a random dude, send it to your man’s mans and them and say it’s a surprise, but ask them to look at it first and see if they think he’ll like it. They going to watch this joint with his entire battallion. Then send the joint to WorldStarHipHop, that’s when your sidepiece gonna find out about it when he’s watching videos on his cellphone in the bathroom on break at Walmart. That’s really going to piss him off because if you keep it 100, call him while you wopping the dude off in the video. His name going to be on the phone in the video, while you with a random bloke."

      This is the reason why they don't let you answer the emails.

  38. *gasp* I think Adonis said the quote of the day: If you are going to put yourself out there… You have to be ready to deal with other people’s judgements.

    I really don't get why we aren't allowed to "judge" and comment on said unsmart behavior when it was put out there. whether we've done it before or not is totally irrelevant to THIS scenario.

    next time maybe ask your tight homeboy/girl that will crack your face, tell you about yourself then love on you afterwards in private. lol

    1. Yall are free to judge whomeever you want! Yall do it EVERYDAY B! Especially here, lol..

      If you're referring me tellin Red she gotta chill, I had to because I never heard Red black out !! I was saving the yout!

      I was just saying in general lets offer some advice, tough love or not. Lets not hook off on people without showing them how to bob and weave. Pause.

      1. sounds like censorship, B. Everyone isn't PC like you #seewhatididthere?

        let me find out you a Captain Super Save a wayward child… (notice I didn't say hoe)

        1. Hahahahahaha word? like that Reecie?

          Well first of all that PC sh*t is BS. I say what I feel when I want to, so I hope no one confuse tact and manners for biting my tongue.

          Next, anyone can say anything they want. I was just asking that we be constructive or at least offer something up. Some people that write in are honestly looking for help and yes we all judge, but damn me asking yall to help homegirl is censoring and being PC? geez… lol

          Third, I will fight you reecie! You aint even 5ft 5 ackin up! smhhhhhh

  39. **steps to mic**

    Whats good everyone,

    I spoke to a few people offline and I just wanted to state that there is no censorship on these SBMail posts, or on ANY of our posts (save curse words and pr0n).

    You guys are free to give your harshest, realest of the real talk. My comment to Red wasnt to shut her down. The ether was so potent I had to tell her to chill, lmao…. but at the same time wanting people to offer a full range of opinions which you all have.

    Never feel like you have to bite your tongue. This is a free society, so speak up! I sure do!

    Yo Minya this SBM sh*t retarded (5 points to anyone who knows where that quote is remixed from)

    PEACE!

    1. That is definitely the opinion amongst the people I chat with offline. SBM writers, Dr. J in particular seem to have an issue when someone who disagrees with the post or how much they go in on a subject. The consensus amongst the people I chat with is you guys try to control and check your reader's comments. To be honest, I have never seen this on any blog except a small few. It makes it look like you're either writing for daps, fame or have big egos. And to be honest, THIS is why a few of my friends won't comment. Never have I seen a writer actually call a commenter "stupid" or "that's the stupidest comment I've read" or tell us to "chill" cause we're "bugging", etc. I've only seen 1 person come here and actually insult a writer so the harsh rebuttals isn't necessary.

      Here's what I don't understand: When you write a post, you ask a series of questions at the end. You basically ask us to weigh in on the subject. We take all the facts in the post and drop our opinion which is a fancy word for judgement. This is what everyone does in life. We take things about someone like actions, words (commentary) and we form opinions. Then you go through the comments telling us not to judge? I can't wrap my mind around how that's realistic.

      I'm not known for being Miss Nicey Nicey in my comments but I never attack anyone for having an opinion opposite of my own. I only attack when someone comes at me disrespectful. I have always been consistent with that. With that said, Dr. Jay is the rudest blogger I've seen yet. Anytime anyone disagrees with ANYTHING he says in a post, he takes it upon himself to check each and every one…often times very rudely with insults. Alot of people agree with me on this but are scared to say anything on this site because they don't want to be roasted. Since you all suscribe to the @'em thing, I wanted to speak my mind. If you all are in the business of writing for daps or having people comment how you see fit, be real about it. In this case, one bad apple can spoil the bunch because that's definitely the appearance. Like I said, I'm not that nice and could word my comments differently but I'm not rude and if I had a blog, I would never talk to my readers the way we're spoken to at times. I don't understand how you're trying to build a strong reader base.

      @Dr. J

      I'm done venting but I wanted to say this: If you put up a public blog and post your thoughts on issues, you know people are going to weigh in. I would hope you can take it as long as people are respectful to you as a person. If you can't, you shouldn't blog. If you think I'm wrong, check your last few posts and how you respond to your readers.

      1. I'm gonna let Dr Jay speak for himself, but I will say this.

        I personally don't care what's said in the comment section. I challenge you to go through my blogs and find the multiple ways I try to "control" the comments section. Hell, I challenge you to do that will ALL of us. There's a difference between being rude and censoring.

        I think you have a issue with Jay, and used my comment as a springboard to unleash your opinion, which is fine. I think we are very welcoming of opinion on this site. I also think that if you write some dumb sh*t, I can cal you out as such. I've been roasting commenters on this site since BEFORE I was an author here, so my steez has yet to change.

        If we were so controlling, then we would moderate the hate that 90% of the site throws at Adonis, or even at YOU SFG! We're really not though.

        If you're "friends' or anyone else is scurred to comment here, that's too bad. We will continue to drop our blogs ,voice our opinion, and foster communication. Those that choose to engage are more than welcome and we love those that lurk too. All support is appreciated.

        I would be weary of making broad generalizations, especially since it seems like you have a "beef" with one particular writer.

        That's all from me. I speak for Streetz and Streetz alone. if the other writers comment so be it. Thats it from me though. @Streetztalk if anyone got any more words.

        1. Obviously I have a problem with Dr. Jay but I stand behind what I wrote because IT IS MY OPINION. You say you don't try to "control" the comments in one line then proceed to say you've been roasting commenters before you were even a writer. To be honest, I don't have a problem with any of you on a personal level because I barely know you. I met you all in DC and I had a good time. I thought you were all cool, including Dr. J but I'm being honest about what I see in the comments section. I don't expect anyone else to agree with me because we're all cool with each other and no one wants to get at each other for foolishness like blog comments. But like I said, it is a vibe that I see. Maybe it's not intentional, maybe it's all in good fun. If I'm wrong, then I apologize. Obviously I like SBM and I support you guys by taking the time to comment every day. Anyone who takes the time to comment on your blog is a compliment to the writer because they build your popularity and your brand. Blogs wouldn't grow if it wasn't for the readers/commenters. Like I said, I don't have a problem with you. Words are tricky because they can sound mean even when they are meant light-hearted. As far as hate…you're saying 90% of the site throws hate at me? That's news to me. Lol…whatever you say. I beg to differ.

        2. I am glad that we are in the Wild Wild West of Blogging…

          And I thought I was Seven Thirty…

          SFG friends should comment every once in a while…

          Blogs like this build character, well at least for me… I feel like I have evolved as a human on this b*tch… I had some expectations, and they were well exceeded

          But if you/they want to go to blogs that cater to your needs… That is what VSB is for #shots

          IDK what to make of Dr. J… I am still waiting for him to roast me… I am just glad that when I look at him, I don't see Adonis…

          That is the kind of people I need to be around all the time… I'll end up being a better human because of it…

      2. <blockquote cite="comment-300613">

        SmartFoxGirl: The consensus amongst the people I chat with is you guys try to control and check your reader’s comments. To be honest, I have never seen this on any blog except a small few. It makes it look like you’re either writing for daps, fame or have big egos. And to be honest, THIS is why a few of my friends won’t comment. Never have I seen a writer actually call a commenter “stupid” or “that’s the stupidest comment I’ve read” or tell us to “chill” cause we’re “bugging”, etc. I’ve only seen 1 person come here and actually insult a writer so the harsh rebuttals isn’t necessary.

        *steps to vacated mic*

        "I'm an artist and I'm sensitive about my sh*t." – Erykah Badu

        First, SFG, thanks for speaking up. Perhaps you're saying what others are thinking or are scared to say themselves.

        Not sure if I fall into the group who "try to control and check your reader’s comments" since I've only dropped like 15 blogs here BUT if someone says something I disagree with I will address it in kind. They can feel free to do the same. I don't plan on holding back simply because I'm the author of the post in question or because I write for the site now. If I have something on my mind, I'm going to speak on it.

        For the record, WIM has a HUGE ego. I've written about my ego and I on my own site. I currently write for 3 different sites including my own and this is BY FAR the most integrated community, so if there's censorship here, I don’t know what's going on elsewhere around the web. We will have to agree to disagree on that theory.

        Anyway, if anyone has anything to say to me they can find me here, @WisdomIsMisery or on my site. I even have formspring so you can curse me out anonymously if you are so moved. However, dont try to p*ss on my head and tell me it's raining, then act shocked if I react negatively. Alls I'm sayin but other than that…

        "Can't we all just get along?" – Rodney King

        WisdomIsMisery's comment speaks for WisdomIsMisery and WisdomIsMisery alone.

        1. Boy please…aint nobody talking about you. lol I'm not even mad and like I said to Streetz, I don't have a problem. I'm referring to commentary and words said on this site. It doesn't take away from how much i like SBM and the topics discussed.

        1. Ummm, I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but it takes the moderators of this site a lot of time to approve gifs. #futurereference

        2. Honestly, I think that was a bullsh*t move.

          Sfg gave u her opinion but instead of actually addressing her problems you write off what she had to say as a hormonal imbalance. When it comes down to it, you didn't have to respond at all.

          So yeah, I dislike

      3. "I’m not known for being Miss Nicey Nicey in my comments but I never attack anyone for having an opinion opposite of my own"

        *files under "ironic statements"*

        *signals de plane*

        1. If you notice, everyday I post my opinion on the issue then I cosign the people who I agree with. I rarely if ever go under someone's comment and challenge them if their opinion differs from my own. When people come under my comment and question me, i respond but it's respectful.

          The only time you ever see me get hostile is when people come at me rude or sideways. I never start sh*t online but I will finish it. That's what get's me the bad rep which I could care less about. I don't like ebullys and people who grow a pair online trying to be disrespectful.

          Hope that explains my comment.

      4. SmartFoxGirl,

        I shouldn't have to answer to this, let me preface everything i'm about to say by saying that. However, please know that I hear what you are saying and I feel like you don't know what you're talking about. You come around to this blog as though you are the authority to comment on my work or anyone's work. Let's get it.

        First off, I rarely ask questions at the end of my posts. So mute yourself.

        Second, i'm not rude, most times when I respond to comments I just want people to laugh.

        Now, onto more of what you're talking about. Here's my thing, I don't respect a lot of what you have to say. At the end of the day it doesn't make sense when held to the light. I have no problems with what you say, but I don't feel the need to cosign what you say. You're mad because I don't affirm you in what you say. Listen to me, I won't do that until you start making sense. You said, Tyler Perry is the most successful Black director ever. You neglected to remember that Spike makes us think, Tyler makes us laugh, chill, you're bugging.

        I read everyone's comments, and when I do that I begin to build a body of work. And for you, I don't think that you quite understand that I don't respect your position. Your comments before to me seem like you think you're some type of princess that holds court on SBM and other blogs that does not exist. No one thinks that your comments are bigger than anyone else's on this blog. You are not the Queen of SBM, sorry if you thought you were, but you're not.

        You comment on each and every one of my blogs. I'm sorry, but I have a browser that allows me not to be forced to read posts by people I don't want to read. So therefore, I say this, as many people on this blog have said, if you don't like my work, don't f*cking read it. Go elsewhere.

        And allow me to be real and brash. You don't have the resume to ever come up against me in a comment section of my big bro's blog. Listen, i've been hated on before, berated on before by many people on this page and others. If you want, I can show you. I get hate mail, and I get hate tweets. But you know what, the people that I write for don't mind that I keep it real and my brash delivery may sting but i'm who I am inside and out. If I didn't like discourse then I would always be defending myself. You're too young in this game to ever come at me that way. Chill, stand down. I have always respected your opinion, but i've never agreed with it. you won't get affirmation from me, but if that's stops your hustle that makes you weak. I write posts and I don't expect people to agree with me all the time. I am who I am.

        Now, please. You play defense, you are reactionary. Fact is, the people who win in this life are the people who seize the moment, not react to it. Where is your blog? What are your thoughts? Give me a writing piece that I can speak to, but don't come on my blog and talk sh*t to me about my stuff when you don't even share my struggle. We are not the same, we are not on the same page. And though I shouldn't say this aloud, my writing says what I mean and it is what it is. You… like I said, I held your money to the light and it looks funny. And if i'm rude for thinking that, then sobeit. Many people think you are a troll, I don't, I just think you have some idea of yourself that you are somehow more important than someone else. You're not.

        Do me a favor, don't call me out on a blog that I didn't write, hit me up here, [email protected], or hit me up here, @DrJayjack. If not, spend more time, taking care of your kid and maintaining on the relationships that you say you have offline. And don't ever, EVER, EEEEEVER, speak about people that support you offline that don't comment here, I don't believe you, I don't respect them, they don't exist in to me. Tell them to speak up or sit the f*ck down in the corner that i'd like you to sit down in too.

        1. <blockquote cite="comment-300808">

          TWIsM81: LOL! This whole thread is just too damn funny right now.

          Its too much….In fact its Ten much…Lol I love the "innanets"

        2. I promise you, this will be the last time I reply to you on SBM. You threw so much sh*t out there, I'll try to address all of it. FTR, I knew you would react this way.

          You come around to this blog as though you are the authority to comment on my work or anyone’s work.

          That is complete bullsh*t. I haven't been commenting here very long. I usually drop 1 comment and cosign a few people along the way. I got into one argument with Adonis and that's pretty much it. Don't drop that nonsense line because you didn't like me questioning you. Why would you post if you don't want anyone to comment? That makes no sense. I know it bothers you that I'm confident. Work on your frail ego, it shows.

          Second, i’m not rude, most times when I respond to comments I just want people to laugh.

          You mean I'm the first person to tell you you're rude? GTFOH. Do you know I went to your SBM breakfast and had a person there tell me that they like everyone EXCEPT YOU because you're RUDE. If you want to talk about offline comments, I've heard you're rude more times than I can count. I even heard it at the VSB event that you crashed knowing you never comment or support their blog. I hope you were atleast able to build your readership so kudos to you…great business move. 🙂

          I don’t respect a lot of what you have to say. At the end of the day it doesn’t make sense when held to the light. You’re mad because I don’t affirm you in what you say.

          First off, I don't care if you respect me. If you haven't noticed, I respect what I have to say. lol You actually think I'm mad because you don't cosign me? You're joking right? This is where your delusions of grandeur show…what gave you the idea that I'm mad because you don't dap me? If you haven't noticed, I'm not always dapped. It's okay.

          Your comments before to me seem like you think you’re some type of princess that holds court on SBM and other blogs that does not exist. No one thinks that your comments are bigger than anyone else’s on this blog. You are not the Queen of SBM, sorry if you thought you were, but you’re not.

          Now THIS is the most ridiculous claim in your comment. A woman like me is a threat to a man like you. I come here confident and happy. I take a solid stance on issues while throwing in a few jokes and question things I don't understand AND THAT BOTHERS YOU. That's the issue, not whether or not I think I'm a princess. Who the f*ck cares about how I see myself? The reason why you don't like me is because I don't cosign YOU. I come in the comments asking questions and you hate that sh*t…and it shows. You hop around the comments section like Napoleon with a bruised ego trying to check everyone into following your logic. That says more about you than it does me or anyone else. Get off your horse.

          If you don’t like my work, don’t f*cking read it. Go elsewhere.

          Consider it done.

          You don’t have the resume to ever come up against me in a comment section of my big bro’s blog.

          Again, get off your horse. What is my resume? Do you even know me? GTFOH.

          Listen, i’ve been hated on before, berated on before by many people on this page and others. If you want, I can show you. I get hate mail, and I get hate tweets. But you know what, the people that I write for don’t mind that I keep it real and my brash delivery may sting but i’m who I am inside and out.

          Whatever you tell yourself, I really don't care. I get hated on too but the difference between me and you is that I'm humble. I actually care what people say about me. I listen when I get criticism. If I hurt someone's feelings with a comment, I apologize. I hear them out and try to think of them moving forward. I try to mend broken fences in the e-world because that's how I grow as a person. I pride myself on the friendships I have. I think it says alot about me as a person. Do whatever you want but I would analyze all that hate you get.

          You’re too young in this game to ever come at me that way.

          I'm too young in this game? LOL don't play yourself. I really feel like hurting your feelings right now but I won't. I couldn't care less where you think I stand in this "game". Comments like that make me feel like you spend too much time behind your keyboard.

          Fact is, the people who win in this life are the people who seize the moment, not react to it.

          I'm smiling at this. You don't know me nor do I care what you think of how I handle life. My life is great but thanks for the advice.

          Where is your blog? What are your thoughts? Give me a writing piece that I can speak to, but don’t come on my blog and talk sh*t to me about my stuff when you don’t even share my struggle.

          I really don't care if I have a blog or not. If you're trying to run a successful blog, you would care what the readers say. I dropped my opinion because I felt like I could and if you think I'm alone in this opinion, you're wrong.

          Many people think you are a troll, I don’t, I just think you have some idea of yourself that you are somehow more important than someone else. You’re not.

          By many, you mean 3 people. GTFOH with that. If you think I care what your little clique says about me, you're wrong. I don't troll any blog. I take the time to comment everyday on SBM, to me THAT IS SUPPORTING YOUR SITE. Like I said above, any reader who takes the time to weigh in on your post, is supporting you. The fact that I or anyone gives a f*ck about what you have to say is a compliment. I want you or anyone else to show me how I am a troll? I'll wait.

          The rest of your rant is garbage so I'll stop here and leave it at this. I don't care about being judged for saying what I said above or even going back and forth with you right now. Maybe no one wants or cares to confront you. This is how I feel so I'm typing it. And with that said, you don't have to worry about me "trolling" anymore. I think your views of me are ridiculous. I drop insightful comments all the time. I'm no idiot commenter who's nonsensical like you describe. I think you stand alone on that because I hear otherwise every day. You're lashing out at me because of what I said. That's okay too.

        3. You went harder than I could ever go on SFG… But being that she is the pretty/princess type… She is attracted to guys with an edge… (ie Spectacular As$holes)

          I hear your position & will not f*ck with it…

          I think SFG is fine… I think she is par for the course…

          That's all I have to say about that…

          D*mn!

  40. Shouldn't all this concerned energy she has be invested in savaging the actual relationship not the fling. However, if not then I recommend let him go, both men, until you have a clear idea about what you want. When you know what you want you don't have to ask anyone. You are living a double life that is completely different from one another . Cut your losses for a conflict is inevitible.

  41. Wow….at the whole event (the letter, the smackdown aftermath with the comments, the whole nine)…. Cam darling, I hope you work out all issues. Streetz gave good advice. And Truth, you probably don't need to be in a relationship right now….this whole situation is just way too volatile. Smh…..

  42. I'm not going to come in here and retype what everyone has said about leaving both men in the dust. I won't repeat that you obviously got caught up in a situation you weren't prepared for, etc. . I think these things go without saying even though it probably did need to be said a dozen or so times to get the point across. I agree with all the advice given to Cam in the comments today.

    That said, I'm curious as to whether you've actually "caught feelings" for Boyfriend#2 or it's really a mixture of feeling rejected by him (and Boyfriend#1) and jealousy. I know I've been guilty of that. I went back to my ex-husband (pre-marriage) AFTER he had supposedly moved on. I was younger so I was quick to confuse those feelings of jealousy and possessiveness with love and wanting to be with him. If I had been older or even given a better perspective, I wouldn't be a 26 year-old divorcee.

  43. The only think more ridiculous I saw today was Obama actually having to call a press conference to provide his long form of his birth certificate to shut all these idiot birthers up. Much like people on this blog are looking at Cam, the rest of the world is looking at the United States like "wtf…really?" smh.

    Good advice, though even if it is plain ol' commom sense as always.

  44. <blockquote cite="comment-300674">

    SmartFoxGirl: You say you don’t try to “control” the comments in one line then proceed to say you’ve been roasting commenters before you were even a writer.

    Thats showing that I speak my mind regardless of whether I write here or not. I dont get lovey dovey in blogs or comments to get more readers. Im ME! Thats what that meant.

    Have your opinion. Thats wassup. I still think Jay made you mad and you're making blanket statemnts.

    I challenge ANYONE once AGAIN to go through our blogs, check the comments, and see where we try to skew or control comments. Proof is proof!

    You cant make granite statement standing on a foundation of quicksand

    Off this

  45. <blockquote cite="comment-300742">

    Starita34: ^ This kids, is the property way to use the dislike button IMO. #ShowYourWork

    AH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Thats exactly what I said like 3 topics ago! Show your face! Glad you agree

    1. Ugh, autocorrect! "proper" not "property"

      But yeah, the dislike button can make for some serious…and I'm not gonna say [email protected], but definitely in the bishbottomedness family…

      And FTR this doesn't mean that I have never or will never thumb down without commenting…but I got a lil bishbottomedness in me and sometimes I just don't care enough…still that was the right way to do it IMO.

      1. I wouldnt say you have bishbottomedness…just tack. That just means you know when to put in your 2 cents and when to chill and let Booboo be the dam.n fool!

  46. Wow just finished reading every comment, and I think frequent commenters and all writers have something special they bring to SBM. I think it's interesting to see the dynamic arguments, tangents and disagreements inspired by the daily post. This sidepiece stuff got everyone worked up on a Wednesday Streetz bravo…keep it yup. Thx

  47. <blockquote cite="comment-300554">

    Streetz:

    Hahahahahaha word? like that Reecie?

    Well first of all that PC sh*t is BS. I say what I feel when I want to, so I hope no one confuse tact and manners for biting my tongue.

    Next, anyone can say anything they want. I was just asking that we be constructive or at least offer something up. Some people that write in are honestly looking for help and yes we all judge, but damn me asking yall to help homegirl is censoring and being PC? geez… lol

    Third, I will fight you reecie! You aint even 5ft 5 ackin up! smhhhhhh

    Thanks Streetz… I really try to at least contribute some substance with the f*ckery… Thanks

  48. <blockquote cite="comment-300755">

    SmartFoxGirl:

    Adonis please! VSB caters to who? Get your hating @ss out of here. Miss me with your 2 cents. I wasn’t talking to you.

    LOL… fantastic…

    I like VSB too… I thought it was funny tho how they had to write a "Black Women Winning" Post in response to a "WW is Winning" Post…

    I thought they were wack for that… I will still read tho

  49. Welp. I leave for one week, come back and people done quit work & shits done hiteth fans on SBM and ish.

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