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6 Questions To Ask on a First Date

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Knowing how to go on an effective date is a bit of an art form. The first thing you have to understand when going on a date is that the whole point is for the two of you to get to know each other while having fun. Many folks have no idea how to extract from the people they date the information they’ll need to gauge compatibility. Today I want to help out by giving 3 questions a guy should ask a girl and 3 questions a girl should ask a guy on their first date.

Man to Woman:

3. Who are your three closest friends?

You can learn a whole lot about a woman by asking about her friends. There’s no real right answer to the question but here are some things you want to look out for in her response:

A) “Best Friend She Keeps Changing” – Most women hold on to friends. If a woman has a new best friend every couple years, there might be cause for concerned. Once she gets into a relationship she’s just going to stop making friends all together and then she’ll want to spend every waking moment of her life with you … and you don’t want that.

B) The girl with no girlfriends – You also want to be careful if a girl says she doesn’t really get along with girls. This isn’t quite a red-flag, but maybe a yellow one. Sometimes she’s just a tomboy who hung out with guys all her life or had a bunch of brothers making her more comfortable with men. That’s not a bad thing. What you want to make sure of is that she’s not that girl in the crew who always does stuff to alienate herself from the rest of the girls. Stuff like buy the same clothes as the flyest girl in the crew or violate the g-code by always flirting with the boyfriends or always come up short on the bill at the restaurant. You don’t wanna date this chick because she clearly has character issues and those issues will always be an issue in your relationship.

2. Are you Democrat or Republican?

This question is way more important for a black man to ask of a black woman, than for a black woman to ask of a black man. I can sort of understand how some black men grow up and turn out to be republican. Usually, black men grow up, get a decent job making decent money, read a little Milton Friedman and figure out they want to be fiscally conservative. I don’t agree with it, but it happens. But it takes a whole lot more for a black woman to be a republican. If a black woman is republican she’s either an idiot who doesn’t follow politics or she’s Condoleeza Rice … you don’t want to date either.

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1. Were you and your dad close growing up?

It’s important to get some information about a woman’s relationship with her father because more times than not, a woman’s relationship with her father will influence what she expects and accepts from a man. This isn’t a zero sum game – the woman who grew up in a two parent home and had a great relationship with her dad isn’t better than the woman whose dad was never around – both can make great mates.  Personally I’ve found that women who grew up in healthy two-parent homes usually have an understanding of what it takes to make a long term relationship work. On the flip side, they’re usually spoiled rotten and used to getting their way. When a woman’s grown up without her father in the house, she’s usually very independent, self-motivated, ambitious and focused on achieving her personal goals. On the flip side, they can also be pretty clingy. Once they open up and let you into their heart, it’s really hard to remove yourself and if you hurt them you might make a lifelong enemy. But that’s all just my personal experience, how people deal with their family situations groaning up depends on the individual, the point of this question is to say – you need to figure out what type of woman you’re dealing with and what role her childhood played on making her who she is. Doing so is very helpful in building a healthy relationship.

Woman To Man

3. Are you in a relationship?

Seems obvious, but these days you never know. You don’t wanna end up in a situation where, after 3 or 4 months of seeing somebody you find out he’s in a relationship. As men, we’re idiots. Our whole goal is usually to tell you as little as we possibly can about ourselves. Sometimes this includes disclosing in full our relationship status. We might say stuff like, “oh, I didn’t think it mattered since we’re just kicking it,” or “She’s not really my girl, we broke up, we’re just living together for financial reasons – she’s really my ex though.” This is all stuff some of us only share if you ask because some of us are shady bastards. So just come right out and ask – if we lie and you believe us – at least you asked.

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2. How do you feel about Kobe Bryant?

The good Dr. J is going to hate me for this one, but, you can tell a lot about a man based on his reaction to Kobe Bryant. When it comes to Kobe Bryant, the only reaction you should trust from a man who’s not a fan of the Lakers is indifference. Everything else is suspect. If the dude is a die hard Laker fan since childhood, it’s almost understandable for for him to be a Kobe Bryant fan; he lead them to 2 championships and helped Shaq get them another 3 – if you were a Laker fan, you might really like him too. But, if the dude is not a Laker fan, but still loves Kobe … red flags need to go up. If he’s not blinded by his Laker fanhood and is just a Kobe Bryant fan off GP (general principle) he’s not to be trusted. To be a Kobe fan while not a Laker fan is to tacitly endorse all of the foolishness Kobe Bryant has involved himself in over the years, it’s to tacitly endorse the consistent violation of man-law, and it’s to tacitly endorse putting athletic ability ahead of general lameness. On the flip side, you also want to avoid people who “hate” Kobe. Kobe haters are an interesting breed of people. They are as passionate in their Kobe-hate as the Kobe-Stans are in their Kobe-Love. People who feel that deeply about Kobe when they’re not fans of him or his team might have secret insecurity issues and might be allergic to winning.

1. What’s your relationship like with your parents.

We’re at a point in the history of black america where most of our men are being raised by women. Because of this, it’s pretty important that you get to know the way a kids relationship with his parents has influenced his maturation. As with women, there is no right or wrong answer, it’s all about gaining understanding. Here are some things to look out for:

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A) The Mama’s Boy. There’s absolutely nothing worse than a dude with an unhealthy attachment to his mom. It’s one thing to love your mom, it’s one thing to be really close to your mom, it’s another thing entirely to expect or need every woman you’re with to be your mom. At some point the umbilical cord needs to be cut and a man needs to strike out on his own and learn to take care of himself. Unless you’re ready to be a parent, avoid mamas boys.

B) The Apple ain’t fall far enough from the tree. It’s often said that we grow up to be our parents. If a guy had great parents this can be a great thing – if he didn’t, not so much. As men, we all need to take the time time to identify the cyclical patterns we see occurring in our family’s history. We need to work hard to maintain the positive ones and work extra hard to break those cycles that prove to be destructive and not conducive toward building strong foundations. If you notice unhealthy patterns in a mans relationship with his father – ones he’s not actively making an effort toward breaking … major red flag.

Obviously, you want to make sure you have fun on a first date so if you can’t find a way to interject these questions above into your conversation in an interesting and not-so-intrusive sort of way, save them for your next date or next conversation.  The point is to get an understanding before you find yourself in love. You want to have somewhat of an answer to most of these before you invest too much time in a person you’re not going to be able to be with. That said – what are some other questions you guys have had success with early on in the courting process? What questions do you always ask of a new love interest, what questions to you wish they would ask you?

See you all sooner than later – till then …

Stay Low and Keep Firing

Comment(121)

  1. Currently just landed in PR for vacay as I'm typing this… see how much I love this blog, Lol. The most important question to ask is question #1!!! Ladies, ALWAYS make sure to ask this early on. Recently dealt w/ a dude with mommy issues (the opposite to a mama's boy!!). Didn't know how bad it was until we continued getting to know each other. His mom was borderline physically abusive when he was growing up and always blowing up at him. Due to this, as an adult he was basically his mother. Saw the warnings signs and bounced. Always ask questions, especially to see if their answers matches their actions and keep a look out for any side-eye business.

    1. This happened to me with a female. She always wanted to fight, yell and scream. Eventually I could see that this is how everyone in her family related to each other.

  2. If a black woman is republican she’s either an idiot who doesn’t follow politics or she’s Condoleeza Rice

    ~~~~~~~

    Or maybe she believes that capitalism and the entrepreneurial spirit that guides it could help build the black community's wealth, that the problems in our schools can't be solved with more money but can be solved by lowering the power of teachers unions and allowing charter schools like KIPP to flourish. She might even think that while racism can be harmful, it is no longer a/the major obstacle that prevents black people from being successful.

    The reality is that when you are black or gay or a woman and you are on the right, you are very likely to be constantly thinking about why you really believe what you believe. Why? Because everywhere you go you will be challenged by people who know nothing about you or how you came to believe the things you believe, but will attempt to judge you anyway.

      1. It can be. Obviously there are black people on the right who seem hell-bent on saying WHATEVER about the black community to get into good graces with the more undesirable parts of the right. Those people are annoying. BUT, there are people who look at the ideas of conservatism and see a lot of good.

        For instance, the two countries who are pulling people out of poverty at the quickest rate these days are China and India. Neither is doing it on a platform of socialism. China may not have democracy, but they have capitalism, and their growing middle class is evidence of capitalism's effectiveness.

        I wish the GOP would take a lesson from David Cameron… not necessarily in terms of policy, but in terms of marketing the ideology. They're great at preaching the whole pro-america message to the choir, but not so good at doing the "Conservative values can improve our schools/communities" dance.

        1. "It can be. Obviously there are black people on the right who seem hell-bent on saying WHATEVER about the black community to get into good graces with the more undesirable parts of the right. Those people are annoying. BUT, there are people who look at the ideas of conservatism and see a lot of good. "

          I'll try to reply to your comment with the post as a background so as to not divert from the subject.

          What you are talking about is just one segment of the republican ideology. What about Social Conservatism? The one that requires the government to intrude into people's personal affairs…remember? The ones who are scared of non-christians, illegal immigrants, gays, and Obama…c'mon..

          I might admire a trait of fiscal conservatism in the girl I'm on a first date with– but when she starts rambling about needing to take our country back, bomb Iran and what-not then I'm done.

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-313732">

      Or maybe she believes that capitalism and the entrepreneurial spirit that guides it could help build the black community’s wealth, that the problems in our schools can’t be solved with more money but can be solved by lowering the power of teachers unions and allowing charter schools like KIPP to flourish. She might even think that while racism can be harmful, it is no longer a/the major obstacle that prevents black people from being successful.

      Um….I'm gonna try my hardest to not be as rude or as condescending as I would like to be, put please…..spare me.

      I'm really tired of hearing the plight of the black republican, for multiple reasons. First of all, there is a difference between being conservative and supporting the Republican party. There are many people who are left-leaning who support more conservative politics, myself included. The government doesn't need to inject itself into every single fiscal initiative in this country — it stunts growth, and frankly, lets people think they can run buck wild because there will always be a safety net (see; auto bailout, bank bailout). Less government involvement will allow for more individual fiscal responsibility in general — and that can be useful.

      However, supporting the republican party is a completely different beast. Supporting the republican party is defending an organization that has systematically worked for decades to stunt the availability of opportunities that have allowed people like us to work towards gaining equal footing in the world It's supporting a party that abuses the Bill of Rights as they see fit. And at some point, no matter how you rationalize the agreement with their policies, being a card-carrying member of a group that wouldn't want you in their family is just insulting. Especially with the gay population these days — the RNC has publicly said that they don't believe that being gay is natural, much less legal. And a gay republican can ignore the systematic degradation of their pursuit of happiness for a greater political ideal? Shoot, even Colin Powell had to draw the line somewhere.

      And also, pure capitalism is not the perfect answer. Unchecked capitalism can lead to extremely dangerous consequence -certain industries will develop too much power, therefore developing the autonomous right to completely change the market as they see fit. Imagine what would have happened if we had let Steve Jobs and Bill Gates continue to run rampant in the mean streets of the financial district – then we would have had yet ANOTHER industry that was "too big to fail." And before someone decides to say some hogwash about trickle-down economics, that only marginally works if there are regulations in place aka government regulations. Without it, there is no incentive for the fat cats to help the people in the bottom, and capitalism would be, at its basest from, highly evolved feudalism. The majority of elite republicans do not, and I repeat, DO NOT, care about helping the poor. And that's not just a race thing, that's a class thing. They don't care about poor white people either — even though all of those flyover states keep unilaterally voting red, which baffles me.

      And FYI: everyone wants to lower the power of teachers unions. They're the biggest obstacle to teacher and school reform. That's not a republican thing. Neither is trying to implement more effective charters schools. In fact, programs like KIPP are some of the most highly promoted by major liberal education leaders. So you might want to brush up on your knowledge of that subject.

      My bottom line is this: being part of an underrepresented group in America who supports the republican party is like people who stan for Kobe real hard. You have a right to do it, and he/they've undeniably done a few great things in the course of history…but the extent of the character flaws involved make it highly questionable. So, if you choose to align yourself that way, you have to prepare yourself for questions, because you're not just supporting a free market — you're also condoning the right of the Pawlenty's and the Palin's of the world to spew their hypocritical BS. And yeah, that doesn't sit right with a lot of people.

      P.S : This doesn't mean that I think the democratic party is the paragon of perfect politics either — they have their flaws as well. I just think that when you don't differ as much on basic civil, social, and constitutional issues, it will be ultimately easier to adapt to the changing need of our countries.

      1. Um….I’m gonna try my hardest to not be as rude or as condescending as I would like to be, put please…..spare me.

        ~~~~~

        This post is not really about politics, so I don't want to derail it too much. I will respond to these early comments then let it go for now…

        Anyway, why all the attitude? Did I start the conversation in a way that warranted that kind of response? If you disagree with the points I made, that's fine, but I really don't need you to school me on capitalism. As an entrepreneur, I understand quite well the barriers that each party erects that either help or hurt my chances at success.

        I also don't need you to tell me about what's going on in the education reform. I've met or worked with way too many movers in the ed reform world to not know where the trouble spots are and where each parties' weaknesses are. The reason why organizations like DFER even came into existence is because for a long time, the Democrats were hostile toward many of the reforms championed by Republicans. Reforms that have only recently become mainstream.

        "Imagine what would have happened if we had let Steve Jobs and Bill Gates continue to run rampant in the mean streets of the financial district"

        Neither Apple nor Microsoft had anything to do with the last financial meltdown. These two companies are at the forefront of what American Capitalism can represent. Apple is doing absolutely amazing things in technology and in improving its own way of doing business (for instance, they are making an active effort to reduce the amount of toxin producing materials used in their products so it lessens the amount of e-waste). Bill Gates has been pouring hundreds of millions of dollars into education and other issues both here and abroad through the Gates Foundation.

        The Democrats may not openly admit their socialist desires, but the black community is overwhelmingly socialist and views capitalism as a somewhat necessary evil and not a path to prosperity. I don't know how we expect to grow wealth in our community if we can't embrace the primary vehicle for producing it.

        1. The "spare me" part was more about the whole "nobody feels for a black republican" than anything else. Like i've said, I understand conservative ideals. I really do. If the rest of it came off rude, I apologize – I have a naturally combative attitude when it comes to politics and economic and it comes off condescending at points. The fact of the matter is, I love debating this stuff.

          Nobody's knocking capitalism – at least, i'm not. But capitalism NEEDS checks. I'm also not trying to school you on anything, I'm just stating facts that are public record. Capitalism can be a tool for great prosperity — but if handled wrong, it can become a rampant machine that suffocates the entire foundation it was built upon.

          And I'm aware that Apple and Microsoft have nothing to do with the meltdown — I was suggesting what could happen if they were allowed to run rampant without any checks. Microsoft almost wiped all other software companies off the map in the late 90s, if it werent for antitrust laws in place, they would have been a modern day Carnegie corporation. And while yes, they are doing great things in philanthropy, they've also arrested the technological development system by branding things that have long since been developed as innovative because Steve Jobs has deemed it so – and then placing a higher sticker price on it because of their niche market domination.

          Like I said, there are good things about conservative ideals – just as their are many flawed things about liberal ones – but supporting the republican party as an organization is not something that I can do.

          And FYI Government Involvement and socialism are not one and the same. Socialism refers to an entire system of society, not just small aspects of it. And if you want to go there, fine — because you can say that democrats love socialism, I can respond that no Republican will speak against Medicare, which is without a doubt one of the most "socialist" systems the US has in place today.

          And sorry for continuing to derail the thread — I just like exchanging ideas on politics.

    2. There are so many things at play here I don't know where to begin. But I'll try.

      First, capitalism, for the most part, is a nonpartisan economic system. Neither republicans or democrats own capitalism. Where republicans and democrats differ, as far as capitalism is concerned is on deeply our markets should be regulated. Basic, Friedman-esqe republican economic thought around capitalism says that the market drives capitalism and keeps everything fair and that as long as we continue to create supply, demand comes naturally. On the flip side Democrats by and large by into a more Keynesian form of capitalism which is capitalism heavily regulated by the federal government. Neither party is anti-capitalism, both favor it.

      The main principle of the republican party – the principle is was essentially founded upon is the idea that we should have a small federal government, and each state should be it's own self-governed entity. Democratic thought is essentially the opposite. Big federal goverenment that almost always trumps state governments. This is what traditionally separated republicans from democrats, but in today's republican party – things have shifted. The republican party of today marginalizes individuals who do not fit their image of what America is supposed to look like. To them, if you're black, that's one strike. If you're gay/lesbian/transgender, that's a strike, if you're a feminist or even moderatly feminist, that's another strike, if you're anything but Christian that's a strike. The Republican party of today marginalizes these people in spirit and in legislation.

      So my point is, I can understand when a black woman favors traditional republican thought. I don't agree with having a smaller federal government but I can at least understand why people might think that's a good idea. And while I don't agree with a laissez-faire sorta capitalism I can at least conceptualize how someone might. But at this point, neither of those things have anything to do with being republican anymore. They've chosen to make their party about something else. They've chosen to make their party about bringing back some fictitious, monolithic version of America that they believe existed in their childhood. They've made their party about oppressing the segments of society that don't fit in that fictions America and it just so happens that successful, free-thinking women who happen to also be black do not fit in that Amereica. You can believe otherwise if you'd like, but the proof is in the legislation.

      But see, this whole dialogue between you and I is proof that it's a worthwhile question to ask. You and I, clearly, are not compatible. If we dated for 3 months and I spend all sorts of my capitalism earned money on dates with you, and then found out you were a republican, I'd be tight … lol.

      But thanks for jumping out there with the comment. This is a decidedly liberal leaning site as far as the comments section goes – generally. So I appreciate the heart it took to step out there.

      1. TMIMITW, this will be my last response to the political stuff because I've already SO derailed this thread (sorry about that (>_<!) ).

        You can find more of my thoughts about capitalism in my last response so I won't make a broken record out of myself.

        I will say that frequently I see people on the left make broad assumptions about what the right *really* wants, despite the fact that they spend little to no time around people who are conservative. How many books have they read by respected conservative authors? How many blogs do they read that come from the right? How many speeches have they watched, in their entirety (not just the clips taken out of context)? Often the answer is none, but they still say things like:

        "the republican party of today marginalizes individuals who do not fit their image of what America is supposed to look like" or "If you’re gay/lesbian/transgender, that’s a strike, if you’re a feminist or even moderatly feminist, that’s another strike, if you’re anything but Christian that’s a strike" or "neither of those things have anything to do with being republican anymore. They’ve chosen to make their party about something else"

        Since I actually know many many conservatives and Republicans, I can say none of that is true.

        There are social conservatives who just want to be able to adhere to their faith without having the government call them bigots. There's a sizable contingent of Libertarians and traditional conservatives in the GOP that support organizations like GOProud. I'm not the biggest fan of Palin, but she clearly isn't the type of woman who let's men tell her what to do nor does she feel that she needs to stay home just because she has children. And I don't know how you can say the right is no longer about capitalism when Paul Ryan is the darling of the House GOP at the moment.

        I had a lot of hesitation about working with Conservatives/Republicans even after I moved to the right because I believed all that stuff. Were there a small number of people who were jerks? Sure. But overwhelmingly that nonsense is frowned on and actively stamped out by people who want their movement to be a principled one. Beyond that, there's only the inevitable awkwardness that comes from two ethnic groups, wildly disproportionate in size, suddenly beginning to collide with greater regularity.

        As for the dating thing… If you and I met and really had time to talk you would come to know my political leanings early on, and you would learn to respect me and my opinions. This happens, without fail, whenever I'm given a fair shake.

        1. <blockquote cite="comment-313767">

          OntheRight:

          I will say that frequently I see people on the left make broad assumptions about what the right *really* wants, despite the fact that they spend little to no time around people who are conservative. How many books have they read by respected conservative authors? How many blogs do they read that come from the right? How many speeches have they watched, in their entirety (not just the clips taken out of context)? Often the answer is none, but they still say things…Since I actually know many many conservatives and Republicans, I can say none of that is true.

          I know you said that this would be your last response, but I have to interject here. I went to a largely conservative predominantly white constitution in the south for my undergraduate studies — so i spent at least 4 years surrounded by conservatives. And some of those people are my good friends. And, being the true politics nerd that I am, I'm a fan of doing opposition research – I refuse to blindly accept anything that MSNBC tells me, the same way I don't approve of half the stuff that FOX says. Partisan reporting always glaringly glosses over some obvious facts.

          Like I said before, there's a difference between being conservative and supporting the Republican Party. And while it is in fact a small minority that borders on the ridiculous, the fact of the matter is that they are the most vocal part of your party, and, for the most part, the biggest leaders in your party. Until the Republican party actively lashes back against the ridiculousness of these major political players, the fact that most republicans are actually really nice rational people is a moot point. How many Republicans publicly came out and said that the movement for Obama's birth certificate was ridiculous? Or said that the movement against gay rights has nothing to do with federal law? Or that abortion is a fundamentally legal right and should be left alone? Silence is still complicitness.

          That doesn't mean I can't be friends with conservatives. There are many republicans, both personal friends and political figures, that I can respect — but those are the ones that are willing to speak their mind and acknowledge the problems that the party has as a whole. They are also, unfortunately, the least popular ones. And until this stops being an exception to the rule, blind republican support will not fly with me.

    3. First off, no shots at anyone, this was an interesting discussion…

      I'm late and this conversation seems to be dead, so all I have to add is:

      1) @Most, I think that's a pretty loaded question to ask on first date. We also seem to differ here. I believe I could still "love" a woman that has differing political affiliations than myself. Personally, I think both parties are corrupt and have little, if any, concern about non-wealthy Americans. I'd consider myself 'independent,' so I guess – unless she's trying to convert me to the left/right – this wouldn't matter to me too much. Though I would be interested in having discussions with her on various political topics. That kind of stuff just interest me. However, I dont need someone made in my mold as far as a potential wife goes.

      2) @Shamira: I think judging an entire party based off "And while it is in fact a small minority that borders on the ridiculous, the fact of the matter is that they are the most vocal part of your party" is similar to the discussion folks has on yesterday's blog where people were judging the entire black community based off Trending Topics on Twitter. Just something to keep in mind. It's all about perspective. The most vocal don't necessarily speak for the group. Although I did understand your overall point.

      3) @OntheRight: While I don't necessarily agree with any of your points (LOL), I have to say welcome (if you're new here and not just writing under a different name) and I respect the fact that you came out and voiced your opinion when you seem to be aware from the beginning that it would be unpopular.

      1. @Wisdom – just to clarify, i'm not judging conservatives as a whole. but that their party platform is dominated by the minority. while it might be the few that are most zealous about it, those are the pieces of legislation that are being promoted. its not like the masses of black twitter trending topics are being adopted are the NAACP. al sharpton is not tweeting #hesnothittinitrightif (if he is, then i stand corrected LOL) but i can see where my statement may be misconstrued.

        and i agree, this is an interesting discussion. no shade on anyone for being willing to explain and defend their views rationally. being a left leaning centrist from nyc that went to school in rural southwestern virginia for undergrad, i understand what its like to have to defend your views constantly when people are always challenging what you believe in. in fact, my experience there led me to understand and respect a lot of conservative ideals. i just have a serious aversion to the republican party as an organization – the way that it marginalizes minority groups while perpetuating this retarded notion of American family values.

  3. Great article as usual.

    One thing that I have gotten in the habit of asking people (potentials or not) is: What is your biggest fear? Not in the sense of a phobia. However, we all have fears, and our actions or lack thereof, usually stem from those fears. I usually get interesting answers.

    Some of the questions above may seem irrelevant if it's not in the context of the conversation, however, I always like: "what would you do" questions…they're open-ended questions that bring out a lot about a person.

    Shoot, I almost wish I could do the Rorschach inkblot test: tell me the first thing that comes to your head when you see this inkblot!

    Either way, I agree with your assessment that "getting-to-know you" doesn't have to feel like an interview…it can be a very enlightening experience.

    (The first date activity can also reveal alot without having to directly ask…that's why I abhor "movie-going" as a first date, since it limits interaction. Miniature golf, cards, laser tag, paintballing, or any other skilled, adrenaline, or competitive sport can reveal alot as well.)

    1. I think the best thing to do on a first date is go grab a drink at a decent restaurant with a good bar. If you go on out for drinks on the first date you have the option to exit the situation after you've had 1 or 2 drinks if the chemistry isn't there. But, if the chemistry is there, you can always be like "hey, wanna grab a table and eat?" For guys, it gives you the option to avoid spending an arm and a leg on an expensive dinner with someone you don't know and might not ever see again.

      1. ^^^^THIS! I typically opt for a coffee spot though and for exactly the same reasons. But also as a woman, because I don't have to expend so much energy getting ready and try to look "extra" cute and mulling over what to wear and all that. I can throw on something cute/nice/flirty, etc. and keep it moving. And you're right…men wouldn't have spent much money and women wouldn't have spent so much time/energy. Win-win.

  4. Could the man to woman version of the Kobe question be on Kim Kardashian? I think that everyone gets lost in her beauty & body & forgets that she got famous from sucking a B-list R&B singer's dick & letting him film it. Any girl who "loves" Kim K throws up red flags to me.

    1. I like Kim, but that's because she enjoyed topping off and putting it on camera. I like women who put it on camera…

    2. I think if a man has an opinion on Kim Kardashian that is unrelated to how she looks, you might wanna think twice about dating him. So yes, I guess Kim K could be a Kobe for guys. The same way a non-lakers fan should respect Kobe for his basketball acumen, but be indifferent toward him otherwise, a woman should also be able to appreciate why men find Kim attractive but be indifferent toward her otherwise. I know too many women who go hard in the paint about being anti-Kim K and it usually sounds pretty haterish to me. You shouldn't be having deep thoughts about Kim Kardashian.

      1. <blockquote cite="comment-313759">

        TheMostInterestingManInTheWorld:
        I think if a man has an opinion on Kim Kardashian that is unrelated to how she looks, you might wanna think twice about dating him.So yes, I guess Kim K could be a Kobe for guys. The same way a non-lakers fan should respect Kobe for his basketball acumen, but be indifferent toward him otherwise, a woman should also be able to appreciate why men find Kim attractive but be indifferent toward her otherwise. I know too many women who go hard in the paint about being anti-Kim K and it usually sounds pretty haterish to me. You shouldn’t be having deep thoughts about Kim Kardashian.

        Co-Sign x 1,000,000,000

        1. Yeah B/c she aint deep. She is a bird. I aint hating but keep it all the way real. The best thing to do with these brain cell killing Celebrity Shows is to not pay attention to them, b/c you end up turning them into the Jersy Shore and they become more popular.

        2. I agree @CHeeKZ. Anyone who knows me knows I've had a thing for Kim K since day one. But I only like her cuz she's cute and she has a phat @ss. Now if people want to debate those two attributes that's fine, but when they start adding anything else into the discussion I, like most men, lose interest because it does not matter to me.

          If Kim K was not cute and had no @ss I would not turn my head half a millimeter to peep her. You don't see me talking about Paris Hilton and she essentially tried to follow the same path but she also suffers from [email protected] 🙁

          *shrugs*

        3. **gives WIM dap**

          I respect a phat @$$, but it can only give you but so much worth in my opinion.

  5. Oh damn… I've always loved Kobe without being a Lakers fan.

    Still doesn't matter though because the Miami Heat is in the finals——-> *stares proudly at his Gold medal in Bandwagon Jumping*

  6. Seeing as how this is a first date, I would ask about relationship between him and his mother/sister(s). Its nice to know how they interact. I don't consider that to be the only factor as to how he will treat me in our possible future, be it friends or more, but I do pay attention to it.

  7. -are you married?separated?

    -children?any on the way that could even possibly be yours?

    -hobbies? <—–clubbing does not count

  8. Hmm, I have a date tonight so I'll definitely keep these in mind.

    "As men, we’re idiots. Our whole goal is usually to tell you as little as we possibly can about ourselves."

    I know this is true, but I just don't understand it. If you're going on date with someone, isn't the whole point to learn about the other person? So why give the bare minimum amount of information? Is it because you're just trying to hit with doing as little work as possible? Are you holding out on the goods until you think it's worth it? Something entirely different? I'm curious.

    And #cosign on the Kim K comment CJX. Fans of hers get a side eye from me every time.

    1. Let's do an experiment – come back tomorrow, and tell us all how your date went. I think this could be pretty fun. If you reach an awkward moment where you guys don't know what to talk about, tell him how you read this post and how it gave 3 questions to ask. Then ask the questions. Make sure you do it in a funny, and cute sorta way. Then come back tomorrow and tell us how homey answered and whether or not it helped you determine whether you guys might work.

      In terms of dudes giving the bare minimum amount of information, I guess I should have put a "sometimes" in there some where. As in, "As men, sometimes we're idiots. Sometimes our whole goal is to tell you as little as possible…" Usually, when we're being like this on a first "date" it's because we've already decided which box you're going to fit into in our lives and that box doesn't have access to our true inner machinations.

    2. Some guys dont say alot because they understand the power of projection. When I go on dates, I do three things: make her laugh, keep the conversation about her, and smile. By the end of the date, I'll know a lot about her but she will only know very little about me. This works for guys because it narrows the chance of saying something stupid while letting her talk about her favorite subject(herself). My job is to provide the canvas and let her paint the picture.

  9. <blockquote cite="comment-313736">

    OntheRight:

    two countries who are pulling people out of poverty at the quickest rate these days are China and India. Neither is doing it on a platform of socialism.

    Ok…all modern economies throughout the world use capitalism. What's your point?

    1. its also a flawed argument on multiple levels. If China was just succeeding bc of capitalism, we would have bridget the gap by now. There are so many levels of other factors – one being an increased investment into education, technology, and R&D. Investments which republicans have regularly voted to slash money from in our budget. Its a generally known fact that the smartest Americans are leagues behind the smartest Chinese – but by all means, we can keep running around rampantly spending money…that, oh wait, we DON'T have.

  10. First of all, I could never date a Republican…I wouldn't even try.

    I don't hate Kobe, but I definitely don't like him…so anyone who agrees with that I am going to bond with instantly on our first date. So, that is a good conversation starter and therefore a good question. lol

    I used to really get pissed off when a Man would ask me anything about my absentee father. I am sure it signaled a red flag..but, now that I am on better terms with my Father and I have forgiven him…ask on, but, I would like to say, even though he wasn't around I am not clingy….and have never been so be careful reading too much into the fact that a woman's Father wasn't around…delve, further, see if she carries any resentment/bitterness about it….sometimes, that bitterness can eat away and cause problems…it's still a good question.

    Are you in a relationship? Yes, that is a good question for the obvious reasons…but, some people will just lie…..so, just keep your eyes and ears open and you can figure out if that is a lie in no time if you're observant…..

    I would also like to add…..women, don't hog the conversation…let the Men talk..this is probably the most they're going to share..is in the very beginning..so, just listen…you will learn alot about them without even asking…..

    Good Stuff MOST!

  11. <blockquote cite="comment-313741">

    I’ll try to reply to your comment with the post as a background so as to not divert from the subject.

    What you are talking about is just one segment of the republican ideology. What about Social Conservatism? The one that requires the government to intrude into people’s personal affairs…remember? The ones who are scared of non-christians, illegal immigrants, gays, and Obama…c’mon..

    I might admire a trait of fiscal conservatism in the girl I’m on a first date with– but when she starts rambling about needing to take our country back, bomb Iran and what-not then I’m done.

    I think there is a lot to like about the social side of conservatism, and I don't default to thinking that ALL or even most social conservatives are shell shocked into all these phobias people try to pin on them. I don't want to get too far into details at this particular juncture, however, because that wasn't the point I was originally making.

    My comment wasn't about people needing to agree with other black people who are on the right (or libertarian). it's about realizing that while we all come to our opinions differently, many of us on the right are there because we see conservatism as a better route to bettering the black community.

  12. 3. Are you in a relationship?

    This question should be asked on a first date, posed differently on the second and slipped in somewhere again in those in between date conversations. Seriously though, I've learned from so many of my friends experiences- this question is an absolute MUST.

    1. I always ask… "Do you have a gf?" followed by "Is there a woman in your life that thinks she is your girlfriend?"

      1. @Kema

        YEs .. thats a major question . Once you ask that he'll probably fall out his chair. Plus its an easy way to ask are you dating someone eles (or more than one person) without being to foward.

      2. * immediately pulls out my 'dating guide' and jots down Kema's follow-up question *

        Kema, your follow-up question just changed lives! (((e-hugs)))

      3. Kema,

        I asked my current Beau this question on the first night we met, within like 20 minutes of conversation ! It wasn't even our first date LOL.

        He loved the question and the intention behind the question & tells me that I won major points that night. I have actually heard him tell this part of the story, when people ask those "how did you guys meet" questions.

        It was one of those things I had to learn thru numerous dating situations where guys were being less than forthcoming about the women in their orbit & I learned this the hard way. In several situations, if I had known, I would have walked & men know this, which is why they want to limit the information they give. Many men (not all) don't want the risk of what full disclosure will do for their chances with you.

    2. Yes. True

      But I think just asking "Are you in a relationship" can lead someone to be vague with their answer, just because he is sleeping with someone or hell even having cuddle time and/or spending QT with an individual, in his mind he may not think he's in a relationship so I would ask a follow up question along the lines to see how he feels about Situationships (fwb/cut buddies/jumpoffs, etc.)

  13. 6 questions that need to be asked from a woman to a man

    1) Are you in a relationship, if not when was your last one and have you every been married

    2)Do you have children , if so how do you and the mother get along

    3) what do u want to do with your life (goals short or long term)

    4) Do you have a big or small family and our you close with them

    5)How do you feel about the state of AMerica (or Black America) always ask sometype of current events question, I need to know that you have read a newspaper atleast once in your life

    6)What type of music do you listen to (this question can lead to a debate about music for about an hour) You can tell alot about a man by what his thoughts on music are (ie: Lil Wayne is the greatest rapper alive and everyone eles is trash 🙂 )

    1. I'd ask 1, 2, and 6 on the first date. You are so right about a man's taste in music. I try not to judge them… but lawd jeez when I hear them play a song "Suck a d*ck with HIV on the tip". (I swear I heard that once).

      The other 3 will be a second date/maybe phone call.

    2. YES @ #6!

      I could NEVER date a man who LOVES Lil Wayne…or doesn't have any issues with the current state of hip hop in general, LOL.

        1. LOL!

          This is NOT a shot at Dr. J. I don't remember reading that he…um…loves Wayne. (pained me to type that btw)

          I guess I need to search the site to find the post where he describes why it's "ok" to like the Gargoyle that goes by the name of Lil Wayne.

    3. yes knowing these questions are essential for me!! …I would probably save 5 for the second or third date though, I have strong opinions about it and I would possibly start an argument and get pissed off lol…

      1. lol! I just had this happen! I had an argument with a cute Bajan and had to cease and desist our possible romance. Lets just say if he was white I would have called him racist.

  14. "But, if the dude is not a Laker fan, but still loves Kobe … red flags need to go up. If he’s not blinded by his Laker fanhood and is just a Kobe Bryant fan off GP (general principle) he’s not to be trusted."

    THIS! *Drops money in offering bucket!*

    I have found this to be true Most. I don't really care about what Dr. Jay has to say I am about to go in! Men that love Kobe but not the Lakers are usually arrogant, egotistical, self proclaiming "awesome" douche canoes. I also have found the same sentiments to be true *most times if someone loves the Lakers but are not from LA. Yeah, I said it. Unless they have a back story (i.e. parents are from Cali and they were raised to cheer them on) I usually side-eye the individual. BTW, I love Kobe but I have lived in Cali nearly all my life and grew up cheering the Lakers.

    *most= like 99.987247914 of the time.

      1. See now I feel bad… but if the shoe doesn't fit you don't have to wear it. I was merely implying that you may have something to say about me comment but I was going to say it anyways. #noshots

  15. — I never fully trust Kobe fans, Cowboy fans or Duke fans. I can understand liking the Lakers becuase everyone loved the Cap, Showtime, Worthy etc. etc. But Kobe is like the anti-Jordan. Everyone loved Jordan….everyone hates Kobe. Oh and correction…….Shaq helped Kobe win three. The Diesel was the unstoppable force back then.

    — Dated a black republican female once **comic guy voice** Worst girlfriend ever! ROFL Problem is….well yall have seen what I write….can yall imagine me dating a republican?

    This brawd actually watched Fox news in the morning. LOL Just what I want to wake up to in the morning…..three racist white guys.

    Man the stuff she would say about black people eventually made me ask, "Do you even like black people?" This is the thing for me and many black republicans. When you really talk to them they often have a very low opinion of black people. And tend to think anything white is better.

    The only thing good about dating a black republican female is that they are often sexually repressed and just dying for some real [email protected]@a to make them do freaky things. ROFL.

  16. Great post! Def agree with all (six) questions! Never trust a Kobe fan or a Kobe hater (unless they're from Philly and they have founded reasons to hate!)

  17. Along with # 1for ladies I would add. Do you always date/attracted women 100% of the time?? Its critical to ask these things up front!

  18. Another vital question I like to ask on a date is "What do you like to do in your spare time/ Do you have any hobbies" these questions are very important because you could have a Stage 1 Clinger on your hands in which you will become their sole source of entertainment because they have no life of their own.

    I also like to ask "Do you enjoy reading" because you'll be surprised how many people don't which leads me to think you are a close-minded individual and don't like to think outside the box and I don't do well with box dwelling..

    1. I enjoy box dwelling…but I'm thinking nasty.

      I know a lot of folks that don't enjoy reading, but they lead really adventurous lives. It's a fair question, but I'd refine it to ask someone what type of stuff do they like to read. At least you know that way what type of stuff would motivate them to pick up a book, magazine, or click a link.

      1. "I enjoy box dwelling…but I’m thinking nasty."

        Hahaaa…. *ToesUp* 😉

        I understand what you saying about asking what type of literature because that give you a little insight about that person BUT not all because my reading genre is all over the place I can read books from Black-n-Noble on 6th Avenue one minute then be on my Alex Cross/James Patterson/Nora Roberts, etc. the next, but I do understand.. For instance if dude says he ONLY reads (looks) at king/smooth, hip-to-ratio digest and bootydunks et. al weekly then I will have to take a pass on that.

  19. <blockquote cite="comment-313771">

    Kema: I always ask… “Do you have a gf?” followed by “Is there a woman in your life that thinks she is your girlfriend?”

    I ALWAYS ask this question! You would be surprised by the reaction sometimes men have b/c they think once you ask "if you have a girlfriend?" and they say No that the questions about that are over

  20. I always ask, "If they're gay, ever been involved with a man sexually OR emotionally, are attracted to men, bisexual, etc.? Yes, I do rattle them off like that too and expect an answer as well. If they're offended, then probably not the one for me and that's cool.

    I'd have no problems answering the same questions.

    I also ask if they're married/single/in a serious relationship/ living with someone (although this one guy had a wife and called her a "roommate", so….)etc.

    I live in ATL…at least I have to ask.

    1. Do you ask these questions on a first date? I know you live in ATL but why not the second or the third?

  21. Good questions. iDied at the Kobe Bryant question. I don't like or hate Kobe. I can obviously appreciate his on the court skills but damn near everything he does off the court is mad questionable and I'll just leave it at that.

    For the record, it is well known that Michael Jordan was an @sshole. I'm not sure why folks try to pretend he was an angel. Undoubtedly, he is a great player, but off the court, pretty much everything he did is/was questionable too. Where Michael lucked out is: 1) he has an empire (shoes/brand) 2) he is very well managed by his PR team 3) the Internet / media wasn't in Michael's era like what it is today (24 hour news cycle). I think if Michael played basketball in this day and age he'd be a lot closer to Lebron or maybe even Kobe than he would be to "Michael Jordan," as far as reputation goes.

    I don't really care about political affiliations, which I discussed up-thread so I wont re-hash.

    Overall, I think these are good questions and either way, couldn't hurt to ask. Some more than once.

      1. Very interesting. MJ was criticized for doing nothing but smiling for the camera and endorsing products. Maybe that is why he never got in trouble. He didn't have twitter.

        But I think the media has changed too. Back in the day they pretty much left you alone outside of the locker room. Now you have stuff like TMZ.

        But still…….Mike's sex with white girls was always consensual. All he is known for is pressuring dudes into making bets they can't cover LOL

        1. I agree. I really believe Michael wouldve been on Kobe's level (as far off court antics) or worse if there was like a "TMZ." Mike had a serious gambling problem (some even say the NBA forced him out of the league early because of it), he stepped on people left and right, habitually cheated on his wife, etc etc. I mean that kind of stuff doesn't get swept under the rug anymore…..Tiger Tiger Woods yall.

        2. Lebron's backlash was BS and people are realizing they over reacted. For the most part, you keep your member out a white woman you are cool no matter when you played.

          HOWEVER: MJ had real vices: Cheating, Gambling, and rumored to sniff that white girl.

    1. Listen, Charles Barkley kept it real, "I am not a role model". Now, I understand kids will look up to athletes no matter what they say, but it doesn't make Barkley's any less true.

      My point is there are a lot of "questionable" athletes which could raise the proverbial red flag based on the logic provided above. Mike Vick, Ben Roethlisberger, the above mentioned Michael Jordan, Wilt Chamberlin, Jason Kidd, etc…etc..even lesser known athletes Leonard Little and Dante Stallworth, both whom actually killed people, can be thrown in the mix.

      If I'm not a Laker fan and a woman asked me on the first date what I thought about Kobe and I said, "I think he's a great player and one of the best, if not the best, scorers of all time. I'm a fan of Kobe, I like his game." and she cuts me off because of that then she can pretty much step and stay gone.

      As an aside, I find it interesting that Pete Rose will never get into the baseball Hall of Fame or have an opportunity to coach because he placed some bets and everyone just assumes Pete Rose is some terrible bad guy. I mean at least the guy bet on his OWN team, lol….umm, I tried to connect that point to the ones I made above, but failed miserably and am honestly just too lazy to form the connection. lol. *shrugs*

  22. 1: What does SHE has to offer ME since I CHOOSE to commit to a “good” woman?

    2: What issues does she have that may be detrimental to “us”?

    3: Will she be wise enough to accept me when she finds out that I CHOOSE to “go against the grain” when it comes to commitment?

    4: Is she as willing to accept ME FOR ME as I WANT to accept HER FOR HER?

    5: Does she AT MOST demand of me what she AT LEAST asks of herself?

    6: Does she summarily write me off as “a past encounter” even IF I have SLIGHT similarities in personality to ANY of her “exes”?

    7: Is she verbally, emotionally, or psychologically abusive?

    8: Does she acknowledge the FACT that communication is mutual, meaning it involves THE BOTH OF US talking AND listening?

    9: Does she acknowledge the FACT that a relationship involves her AND her man, meaning it requires BOTH OF US receiving AND giving?

    10: Is she woman enough to keep HER WORD just like she expects me to be man enough to keep MY WORD?

    11: What is her relationship to her dad and to her mom? (ESPECIALLY her dad) If there is any distance, WHY?

    12L: Is she as adamant about bringing shullbit to the table as she is about me bringing shullbit to the table?

    1. LOL… Side note… These aren't questions I ask on a first date, but I certainly watch for these things in a female… (smile) CLOSELY "…early on in the courting process…"

      1. Glad I read your additional comment…cause the man who asks me #1 as worded would be #LOSING, LOL!

        I literally read #1, say'd "the hell", and then read the side note, LOL. Now, I'll go back to #2 and finish reading the list with no 'tude. 😉

  23. Great post and great comments!

    I gotta add:

    – "You down with G.O.D" And the response must be, "Yeah, you know me!"

    – (if we arrived seperately) "How'd you get here?" …can't date a man with no car…too old for that, sorry.

    – "Do you like your job?"…if you've never dealt with a man or woman who doesn't like their job, you may not understand why it's important, lol.

    – "What are your initial thoughts on relationships?"…if he says, "I don't have any" or "don't want one", RUN!

    – "What are the things that people do that totally tick you off?"

    – "What are the first few things you look for in a woman?"

    1. “You down with G.O.D” And the response must be, “Yeah, you know me!”

      You realize you would be cutting out some of the most rational and level headed men from your dating pool.

      1. I'd rather not kid myself and think that I could co-exist with someone who does not believe in a higher power. I may be able to respect a man who differs from my beliefs in the details of religion/denominations…but we gotta see eye-to-eye on the fact that there IS a God.

        My churchy self would get on his LAST nerve, LOL…

        * hums "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus" *

        1. LMAO @ yeah you know me! As a fellow Jesus groupie, I have to agree – it's good to know where they stand. Not like you asked him what service he goes to, what time is Bible study, and what songs he's singing with the choi-a this Sunday…

  24. None of these are first date questions. Way too serious for the first time you meet. Politics, relationship with your parents, talking about your closest friends, not even talking about basketball but talking about Kobe off the court… nah that's not a first date, that's way down the line. Spend some time just enjoying each other's company.

    And meeting up for coffee or drinks is not a date. I've already spoke on this.

    And would people stop making comments about me on other people's posts. I write on Tuesdays, you can address me on Tuesdays. If you're going to troll on Tuesday and comment about me on another person's post later, you're wack, a bird, and need Jesus. Shoutout to First Baptist Church of Glenarden. #FBCG

  25. I would definitely ask about hobbies or spare time, because if the man or woman is lame or has a lot of free time on their hands, that a red flag to me. That means theyre waiting for something interesting to happen to them and not making it happen. Which means if you get with them you will be their only source of entertainment. Not.Cool!

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-313814">

      Streetz:

      That means theyre waiting for something interesting to happen to them and not making it happen. Which means if you get with them you will be their only source of entertainment. Not.Cool!

      This seems to be a popular P.O.V. I'll have to take a second to attempt to dispel that myth. Just as not every virgin falls madly in love with her "first," not every woman without hobbies is waiting for a man to make the center of her universe. There was a time that reading topped my list of favourite things to do, that I actively played & watched ball, etc, etc. Looking at the past couple of years, however, I can't give any definite answer to the "hobby" question because although I enjoy certain things, there's nothing in particular that I do on a regular basis…and heavens forbid I mention "reading blogs," (although this is a fairly recent development) because that would apparently earn me a cascade of side-eyes.

      As a student with a lot of free time on her hands, I basically did what I felt like. A lot of the time, that meant bumming around while my peers went around "making it happen". I amuse myself just fine, and I don’t necessarily have to go beyond my door step to do so. As far as significant others were concerned, they were usually more pushy about being with me than vice versa. The fact that someone becomes my main source of entertainment is usually a positive thing for him; this means that I give a damn and like him being around a lot…which is more than I can say for at least 90% of my acquaintances. On average, I prefer a quiet night at home to a search for my next adventure, but sometimes a second party is just what the doctor prescribed to bring out my adventurous side. What it doesn't mean, however, is that I will have nothing better to do than hit him up all day long with "miss you, love you, wanna kiss you" texts and eagerly wait for him to save me from my dull existence.

      Sincerely,

      Boring girl responding to blog posts at 1:30AM

      1. "What it doesn’t mean, however, is that I will have nothing better to do than hit him up all day long with “miss you, love you, wanna kiss you” texts and eagerly wait for him to save me from my dull existence."

        In this moment, your attractiveness (in Skywalker standards) just boosted. I think it's refreshing when a woman acknowledges that her own company is pretty much the best company. The world (or maybe my world) needs more women like this to exist. Someone who's not afraid to create some distance, but when intimacy intensifies…it's a glorious Big Bang event…and then, separation until next time. Looking forward to it, but not anxious. This comment reeks a sweet scented aroma of independence. It reflects that you havent relinquished your power of influence on life. Life doesnt just happen to you….you're happening too. (applauds)

  26. Amy Holmes is a formidable black female republican…at the very least she's definitely more easy on the eyes then Condoleeza. OntheRight might be Amy Holmes! lol (kidding).

    I've been a Laker fan since I was 5 years old. What Kobe does off the court I could really care less about (like any other athlete). As long as he's helping my Lakers win rings that's all that matters.

    "To be a Kobe fan while not a Laker fan is to tacitly endorse all of the foolishness Kobe Bryant has involved himself in over the years, it’s to tacitly endorse the consistent violation of man-law, and it’s to tacitly endorse putting athletic ability ahead of general lameness."

    This is probably one of the most complete and utterly unjustifiable statements I've read from you that holds 0 water. So bascially what you're inferring is that someone who is not a Laker fan but indeed is a fan of basketball and likes to watch good basketball and appreciates Kobe's game and likes his game, also, then that means he also likes to snitch on his friends and advocates sexually assaulting women in Colorado? lol…dude give me a break. If one can't compartmentalize ANY athletes performance on the court and what goes on in his personal life then that's the bigger issue.

    Listen, I'm not an Eagles fan, but I like to watch Mike Vick play football. I am a Mike Vick fan if you will. Based on your logic that would mean I tacitly endorse killing dogs (I don't). I could go on and on, but you all get the point. I just find it interesting how you can judge somebody based on how they feel about any particular athlete. It's pretty funny, actually. *shrugs*

    1. I was going to say the same thing about the Kobe situation but instead of using Mike Vick, I would use Micheal Jackson.

      To be a (Micheal Jackson) fan while not a (N/A) fan is to tacitly endorse all of the foolishness (Micheal Jackson) has involved himself in over the years, it’s to tacitly endorse the consistent violation of man-law, and it’s to tacitly endorse putting (musical) ability ahead of general (wierdness) lameness.

      I'm a huge Michael Jackson fan but its doesn't mean I condoned the mistakes he made away from music.

    2. @Larry, I think you confused what I was saying a bit. What I'm saying is that all basketball fans should appreciate what Kobe does on the court. And I can understand basketball fans who are also Laker fans being blinded by their Laker fanhood enough to think that Kobe is actually a mans man… a guy worth admiring, aspiring to be like, or just having a particular affinity for the dude (no-mo). But what I can't understand, is when a person who lovs basketball, but not the lakers, loves Kobe. Like, if you're a Knicks fan, but your favorite athelte on the face of the Earth is Kobe Bryant… it's a red flag.

      But yo… don't take that too serious man… that whole question was semi-tounge in cheek.

  27. A couple of more questions I would think to ask are:

    1) What's your favorite alcoholic drink?- For one this will tell you if she even drinks in the first place and if she does then what kind of life she's living now. Is it that "soft and care free apple martini life" or that "Hennessy on the rocks times is hard right now" life. lol. (for the record I really don't think you can get too much about a person based on their drink preference, but it'd still be interesting to know for future reference)

    2) How many kids/Do you have any kids?- I guess this can be a question for women to ask men as well, but for the same reasons Most gave on the "Do you have a girlfriend" question those reasons can also be somewhat applied here.

    That's all I got.

  28. I'm surprised no one has mentioned…

    "What's your zodiac sign?"

    Yes, I roll with J.C…no, I don't live my life based on my horoscope or numerology reading…yes, I do acknowledge some truths in both and they have helped me to recognize certain traits early on. For instance, I'm a Gemini that CANNOT date a Taurus. I'm 0 for 3… it just doesn't work, lol. I've tried and failed. I will NEVER do it again, lol. I DEF ask this question and then pull out my phone to google our "compatibility" and discuss the results with my date. GREAT conversation…good laughs…very helpful…not a dealbreaker (unless you're a Taurus…sorry fellas), lol.

    1. Maybe you've unknowingly conditioned your mind to accept the horoscope status quo? I take delight in the supposed characteristics of a Gemini (I am one too!) but then I still think the whole thing is hogwash anyway.

      1. Not fully, lol. It's not gospel to me at all. But, after failing with not 1, not 2, but 3 Taurus men, I fully accept that this Gemini is NOT compatible with them. I've been conditioned by experience, lol. It proves to be hogwash if you try to make a life of it all…the stars/numbers, that is.

      2. I agree!!!!

        I mean I would be a little apprehensive if asked my zodiac sign (Scorpio) and their reaction is either favorable or a stank face for whateva reason because in the end not all scorpios, etc are one in the same. I know people that are adamant about NOT dating certain signs… That's pure craziness to me although leos are a trip on acid. *lol* but I wouldn't knock them off my list though.

    2. Actually, I ask this question all the time. Maybe not exactly on the first date. I tend to get a general sense of my vibe with the person. How we've already been interacting and communicating, and then I ask. And it can definitely be a deal breaker for me when it comes to looking for something serious. Compatibility is VERY important. Probably the MOST important. And its not that I think horoscopes are law. But I do believe in the spiritual/earth element to charting the stars. Its an ancient art that goes much deeper than checking horoscopes. I have found that the people I've kept as longterm friends just so happen to be people that I'm compatible with astrologically. Some of my worst boyfriends have been people I'm not astrologically compatible with. Its not like I looked at our compatibilities. I let things play out naturally. And they just so happen to line up with what was already in the stars. So now I'm a believer.

  29. Wish I would have read this earlier. well I LOVE KO-BE BRY-ANT slam dunk giant! Out play the Kob? Son don't try it! Lol that either made u bust out laughing or went completely over ur head! If it went over ur head ur probably 2 young. I'm a die hard #Lakeshow fan since forever. And not no hop on ish! I'm probably a bigger fan than Dr J #noshade. I completely feel u on that question any one who's a hater and not a Celtic fan.. is just plain wack.

  30. This is is going to be fun… Overall excellent questions to ask Most… Let me add some of my own, skim through the comments…

    How do you feel about BM in general… Or men in general… Or how do you get along with men…

    If you are a white girl who fetishizes BM that is a win…

    Anything positive from this answer is a win…

    I also ask how she treats & see other women… It is attractive to see women root for other women…

    But it is one of those questions I ask in relation to the daddy question…

    I will ask a question about sexual history (a biggie for me… Just is)

    I learn alot from a woman just by checking out her overall swag, and usually I am 70% right… So, the questions are usually a confirmation of what I already suspect…

    Now, let's get to the fun

    1. Oh, and BTW… No question is off limits on the first time I meet someone…

      f*ck that sh*t

      Heat in 6 games

      Heat win the first two… Mavs win game 3, Heat win game 4, Mavs win game 5, Heat close out in South Beach…

      Who knew the Lakers & the Spurs would flame out the way they did…

  31. @ on the right?
    In football terms , they say play the ball not the man. You only need to read Locke on slavery to show you what untrammelled respect for property rights is detrimental to society.

    Stick with the issue .

    Great post this.

  32. Bro, I find your 3 questions to be stupid , well maybe not 3rd one , but your reasoning is your opinion, I find the one who grow up without a father in their lives tend to ones with serious drama issues with men. The second question are you dem or repub is straight nonsense WOULD NEVER ASK THIS. mainly cause im a independent. I find conservative republicans and liberal democrats to be equal idiots. On second taught if i find out on the first date she is far lefty I would go straight for sex rather then waste my time on a relationship.

    1. @Steve

      I hear you homie, but I disagree…

      I am under the assumption that you are a man of quality, and women perceive as an attractive male…

      If my assumption is right… You can ask any question you see fit… Time is too short to be wasting time with incompatible females…

      Carry on

  33. "She’s not really my girl, we broke up, we’re just living together for financial reasons – she’s really my ex though."

    Sad to say…I've heard this one and have befriended a guy in this situation…what are the odds of this being true?

  34. great post i loved it from the begining to the end i also liked reading peoples commentsas well things i will consider next time im on a date

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