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Single Black Mail: Should I break up his marriage?

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Today, we are lucky enough to have another concerned reader with a real world problem looking for guidance and assistance.  And as always, my opinion is good … but the real gold and the real advice is going to come from the comments.  All of you, what you feel, what you think, and what you believe is what this reader needs to hear.

The Situation (edited for length)

Hi SBM

I am a SBF working in a male dominated field.  4 years ago I met a colleague at a company event (Guy A) [and] starting dating. This lasted for 2 years and during this time I became very good friends with his best friend (Guy B) who also worked for the same company. So during the course of dating we all would go to lunch and hang out together with Guy B’s S/O ect ect… Well once while out of town Guy B and I decided to take a morning walk and really started talking about our lives, love, and relationships.  Well towards the end of the 2 years, Guy A’s patterns changed and we start experiencing issues in our relationship. Guy B calls me out of the blue (we’d never spoken on the phone before) to tell me we have to talk and informs me that Guy A is married, although had been estranged from his wife for many years, but had started seeing his wife again and they planned to reconcile. Which explained the change in behavior.  So without revealing what I know I confront Guy A and ask him what is going on and he tells me.  After it ended Guy B began to call and check up on me to make sure I was ok. We would discuss work and life and anything else under the sun. We would have lunch whenever but nothing major.   Well I fell on hard times and had financial issues and Guy B just so happened to call me and I let him know what was going on. He offered to do lunch [and] he brought a check that solved my problem completely. I was very hesitant to take the check but I needed it so I did with a promissory note. Long story shorter – I am discussing the situation with my 2 of my girlfriends and one proclaims “OMG he is so in love with you”. I am thinking “WHAT? NO he is engaged now – we are just good friends”. She says “what man do you know spends a significant amount of time with an attractive woman he’s never had sex with, loans her thousands of dollars, and protects her heart?. He respects his boy and his relationship but he’s in love with you.?  Not to mention he’s helped me move, he’s fixed my car and pretty much tells me the truth in all things. The gotcha is Guy A hasn’t a CLUE.

So I ask does his bff like/love me? Is he waiting for me to break up his relationship?

For a second, I really thought someone was tricking me and sending me an alternate ending to Brown Sugar.  I was waiting for a follow-up telling me how Guy A never read your articles and Guy B could pick out quotes at anytime.  Since that didn’t happen, I’ll ignore the similarities.

Let me start with some quick bullet points to help you start making decisions ASAP:

  • Just because your girlfriend tells you something doesn’t mean it’s true. Take any and all relationship advice (including ours) with a grain of salt …especially if she is single.
  • When guys find women attractive … they do dumb things (like give women large sums of money)
  • Guy B finds you attractive, and probably likes you. Even married men “like” women, it’s the fact that he likes his wife more that keeps him from cheating.
  • Guy B is NOT leaving anyone for you.  At best … you could be the sidepiece.
  • Guy B is a grimy motherf*r. Telling on his boy and getting cutesy with his girl. That’s the real crime here.
  • Taye Diggs handled catching his wife on a date with another man very well. Someone (probably her) would have been choked out if it were me.

The fact is … it’s obvious this guy likes you. You sound cute (I can tell by the way you type) and he obviously likes your personality.  There is no doubt in another lifetime, in another plane of existence … he might have beat.

Reality is … we are here and now. He is engaged and sounds like he loves his wife to be.  You shouldn’t and (probably) can’t convince him to leave his fiancee for a chance at you.

The really real reality is … He’s a simp.  And not just a regular simp, but a “it’s time to send the Official SBM Simp Slaying committee after him”.  He broke several codes, laws, and mandates … and we need to get him out of circulation.  Hopefully he gets married and stays married … saving his life.

SBM Familia … agreed?  Is this guy simping?  Can this women succeed in destroying this future marriage? Should she go for it? What ya think?!

– SBM aka “Uh yeah … I’ll leave my wife next year … but blow me tonight” aka “Write you a check? For what?”


Comment(89)

  1. *Puts away nearly finished copy of Duh, B!tch and thumbs through The Man Code: Laws and Bylaws*

    According to the official book of Man Laws, Guy B needs to have his scrotum slammed in a door one time for each of his several violations. The writer of this letter hasn't done anything wrong other than let her girlfriend play with her head. Don't go thinkin' your life is a romantic comedy, and this should end well for you. This is not a man you'd want to be with because when Guy A finds out what he did, he's gon' get STOMPED -#KirkFranklin.

    #thisisall

    1. Lol! Co-sign everything here. Man, let me know when that book is finally finished. There are a few people I need to annonymosly mail this to, lol.

    2. Simping Ken … writtting big checks for someone other than you wife, child or mother/father?

      Seriously?! Tricking paper, fixing cars and no s3x… All this on a promise and because she's your "friend"? #wheretheydothatat

      Taye Diggs would definitely play homie in the movie version of this story. Real pillow figther, cocoa butter slathering type of dude.

      He doesnt owe this chick anything and the fact that hes giving her so much attention and treating her like #1, raises alot of questions.

      1. <blockquote cite="comment-313674">

        Cally: Seriously?! Tricking paper, fixing cars and no s3x… All this on a promise and because she’s your “friend”? #wheretheydothatat

        LOL…yeah, I need a map to one of these. I can certainly put him to good use…

      2. <blockquote cite="comment-313674">

        Cally: Simping Ken … writtting big checks for someone other than you wife, child or mother/father? Seriously?! Tricking paper, fixing cars and no s3x… All this on a promise and because she’s your “friend”? #wheretheydothatatTaye Diggs would definitely play homie in the movie version of this story. Real pillow figther, cocoa butter slathering type of dude.He doesnt owe this chick anything and the fact that hes giving her so much attention and treating her like #1, raises alot of questions.

        *Church Faint, gets back up pulls skirt down then re-read comment and Faints Again*

  2. With all due respect, this is absurd.

    If he loves you, he will let you know. Furthermore, if he loves you, pursuing a relationship with him will not require you to break up a relationship that he is already in.

    Fall back.

  3. Yeah I am not too convinced that he likes you enough to break up with his girl, if he did then he would have already made himself available or at least given you some more concrete clues. I do think its kinda dirty for him to put his so-called best friend's business out there like that, I think that he should have talked to the friend about that and not you. That is kind of a loyalty issue for me, what are friends for if not to keep your dirty little secrets? I also agree with SBM, your friends are confusing the real world with romantic comedies, take their advice with a grain (or five) of salt….

  4. I would do nearly all of those things for somebody if I considered them a friend, regardless of gender. I can see how her girls could misconstrue the situation, but it also sounds like they feel that way because they have a low opinion of men. It sounds like dude is just looking out. If she goes after him, she could unnecessarily ruin lives.

  5. Most often, men are clear about what they want and don't want. If he hasn't told you he wants a relationship with you, assume he doesn't want one with you. Ignore your girlfriend and continue to value and enjoy the friendship while you can…cause all that car-fixin, money-lendin, and furniture-movin is about to be over as soon as he says "I do", lol.

    And, yeah…rattin out your best friend is a commom violation regardless of sex. Let that tarnish this perfect picture of him that you painted for us, lol. #heaintallthatboo

    Great advice, SBM!

  6. If he loved you enough to break up his relationship he would let you know & you wouldn't be wondering. You say he pretty much tells you the truth right? Alrighty then, there ya go… Your girls watch way to much tv & all of you need a reality check

  7. "You sound cute (I can tell by the way you type)" <—– this!!!! LMAO

    Anyway, yea homeboy is definitely a simp, and a violator of several MAN-LAWs. His membership should be revoked. I agree with SBM though he "SIMP"ly just likes you, and with all these things thats he's done for you, i'm sure there was plenty of opportunities for him to make his move on you, and yet he hasn't. So that's that.

  8. I don't lie for family or friends. If I consider your mate a true friend, don't ask me to get involved in your mess. Guy B chose the girl over his friendship with guy A. If he is pursuing his boys girl that is the foulest.

  9. Even though I'm a stickler for loyalty in friendships, I don't necessarily think that Guy B's man-law privileges should be revoked. I wish someone would tell me that dude I'm messing with has a wife so I wouldn't continue looking like boo-boo the fool.

    I guess this would be the same as not saying anything when a friend cheats. I never was cool with her bf so there was no chance for me to say anything. Honestly, Idk what I'd do if I were friends with both parties.

    Re: letter, Homegirl should leave both dudes alone and payback Guy B ASAP

  10. Hmmm…. Let's see… the boy(i use that strongly) needs a 21 gun salute…to the face for selling his friend out for pu$$y. Secondly, I don't really think this women is really all that innocent taking this with a grain of salt and goin off the info given, granted boy b made a move, but she did not stop it either…she had no problem taking money,car fixed,etc I think she knew what she was doin just played both of them. If boy b is engaged, and soul his boy out for chicken change(no james brown) what you think is goin to do to you?

  11. A big ass whomp!

    Leave that man be. I'm sure you can find another hero some where else. Romanticized friendship will get you no where fast.

    As priviously stated, if he was checking for you he'd probably let you know.

    Lastly, respect that man's woman!

  12. A big ass whomp!

    Leave that man be. I'm sure you can find another hero some where else. Romanticized friendship will get you no where fast.

    As previously stated, if he was checking for you he'd probably let you know.

    Lastly, respect that man's woman!

  13. First, stop listening to your friends. This is where LOtS of women go wrong. And more often than not your not going to tell them the real story anyway, thus making ny 'advice' they give you skewed to what you want to hear.

    Women often tell their friends the details to get the outcome they desire just to co-sign the ratchedness they are into.

    *So I'm sure you probably left out key details here, lol*

    Second, you can't break-up something that doesn't want to be broken

    Thirdly, just accept his friendship and find your own man. If this man wanted anything more to do with you, trust he would let you know. So YOU can fix something that isn't broke.

    Pay him back his money and move on. And even if he offers, don't go to his wedding. B/c it sounds like you would deduct him smiling at you as 'he doesn't really want to marry her" and you hittin up your girls on some 'girl you might be right'. Mean while dude is standing at the altar promising to love/honor/obey his wife forever.

    Smooches,

    L to the J

  14. <blockquote cite="comment-313638">

    Lady Jei: First, stop listening to your friends. This is where LOtS of women go wrong. And more often than not your not going to tell them the real story anyway, thus making ny ‘advice’ they give you skewed to what you want to hear.Women often tell their friends the details to get the outcome they desire just to co-sign the ratchedness they are into.*So I’m sure you probably left out key details here, lol*

    Second, you can’t break-up something that doesn’t want to be broken

    Thirdly, just accept his friendship and find your own man. If this man wanted anything more to do with you, trust he would let you know. So YOU can fix something that isn’t broke.Pay him back his money and move on. And even if he offers, don’t go to his wedding. B/c it sounds like you would deduct him smiling at you as ‘he doesn’t really want to marry her” and you hittin up your girls on some ‘girl you might be right’. Mean while dude is standing at the altar promising to love/honor/obey his wife forever.

    Smooches,L to the J

    *deduce* not deduct

  15. The nail has been hit on the head. Also, if Guy A was really estranged from his wife, i dont really see where he went wrong

  16. No, he doesn't really like you like that…he would tell you if he did…what he does want to do is set up a situation where he can possibly have you around as a side piece, and he is going to use that money he loaned you to try and make it happen….I see where this is going…pay him his money back as soon as possible and stop seeing this guy pronto…he is going to turn into a real nuisance. trust me.

    1. Exactly! … Dude is looking at this like an investment, his already paid an advance on future panty-dropping.

  17. Leave him be and protect yourself. When all is said and done, even after the great conversations and expressions of care and concern, you will be left alone. Both A & B will have their relationships to go back to and you will left to deal with what they left behind. B may very well care for you, but not in a way that you deserve.

  18. See, listening to your dumb friends will get you in trouble every time. I don't doubt that she had the thought bouncing around in her head that GuyB was carrying a torch for her, but really. He wants you to break up his relationship so he can be with you? Does that isht even sound right? If he wanted to make her anything other than a side piece, he'd break up his own freaking relationship. The foolishness that some people will allow themselves to get caught up in.

  19. This can't be life!

    Listen to your friends if you want, you will be joining them for single girls night out. Dude isn't leaving his home for you! SBM summed it up quite well.

    Now on to guy b…wtf man! You dont dime the homie out! As far as simping,i dont think he was. He eas being too good of a friend if anything.

  20. " Is he waiting for me to break up his relationship?"

    *Jay-Z voice* This ain't a movie dog! He's definitely NOT waiting for his relationship to be broken up. If anything, he's probably waiting out his time to see if he can beat AND keep his relationship. Also, why would you even consider dating a dude that is waiting for you to "break up" his relationship? That screams cowardice to me.

    And, she let her girlfriends gas her up "OMG he is in love with you!" *buzzard sound* Wrong! Not very sound advice. Those girlfriend put the battery in her back and may very well set her up for heartbreak. Like SBM said, gotta take advice with a grain of salt.

    1. " If anything, he’s probably waiting out his time to see if he can beat AND keep his relationship. Also, why would you even consider dating a dude that is waiting for you to “break up” his relationship? "

      Exactly! If you can break up his relationship, what makes you think someone else won't be able to break up yours?

      1. <blockquote cite="comment-313663">

        TellyLongLegs: < ” If you can break up his relationship, what makes you think someone else won’t be able to break up yours?</blockquote>

        Gospel Right Here!!

  21. Wow…

    Good advice, SBM.

    As to the letter… I just think she's spending too much energy on the whole situation. Both guys seem like they got a lot going on, in the sense that they both are in committed relationships.

    So… the answer is pretty much RIGHT in front of your face.

    What I don't understand is… where is Guy B's fiance at??? She needs to shut all this extra stuff Guy B is doing with homegirl… pronto. I wonder if the fiance even knows that the email writer exists.

    And does the email writer even INTO Guy B? I heard her talk about ALL the things that he does for her, but she never mentioned how she felt about him.

    Sometimes we (meaning people in general) have the tendacy to make life WAY too dramatic for no good reason…

    1. sorry… I meant, "And is the email writer even INTO Guy B? I heard her talk about ALL the things that he does for her, but she never mentioned how she felt about him."

    2. I was wondering the same thing. She may want to find out where that fiance is and make sure she isn't creeping up behind her with a baseball bat.

  22. Wow…

    Good advice, SBM.

    As to the letter… I just think she's spending too much energy on the whole situation. Both guys seem like they got a lot going on, in the sense that they both are in committed relationships.

    So… the answer is pretty much RIGHT in front of your face.

    What I don't understand is… where is Guy B's fiance at??? She needs to shut all this extra stuff Guy B is doing with homegirl… pronto. I wonder if the fiance even knows that the email writer exists.

    And is the email writer even INTO Guy B? I heard her talk about ALL the things that he does for her, but she never mentioned how she felt about him.

    Sometimes we (meaning people in general) have the tendacy to make life WAY too dramatic for no good reason…

  23. Something tells me that if Guy B's fiance were to find out about his "friendly" loans and favors to you there would be no need for the Official SBM Simp Slaying committee to go after him. Have you spent any time with his fiance, or do you get the sense that he's hiding your "innocent" friendship? Does she know that you owe their soon-2-b-family money? Put yourself in his fiance's shoes and imagine what it would feel like to find out your man was doing all that for someone else. Because rest assured, if you were to become his main girl that's exactly what he would do to you. I don't think he's a simp, I think he's a manipulative azzhole that you should stay far away from (after you pay him back). I don't believe in dismissing a woman's advice out of hand because she is single, but your friend sounds like she's caught one too many romantic comedies. Don't let her get you mollywhopped in these streets.

  24. <blockquote cite="comment-313649">

    LaLaBakir: he’s probably waiting out his time to see if he can beat AND keep his relationship

    "he’s probably waiting out his time to see if he can beat AND keep his relationship

    THIS! I just want to add to what my girl said up thread is that a guy will do all kinds of stupid ish to beat. DON'T become a jump-off because of a few thousand dollars and nice gestures. He is a simp.

  25. Her Friends are about to make an A** of her!….The bottom line is Guy B in trying to make things real convenient for him (easy access a**). Which Im sure some freaky tales of the relastionship between the writter of this letter and Guy A was discussed between Guy B&A on more than one occasion. She should really question his motives, beacuse all i see if she pursue this is her being left with a wet a** and the label of being F**ked by friends who will remain with their SO. And although Guy B was bogus for telling on his friend, men tend to get over shit like that alot better than us women (Bros before hoes)…..So she would be looking a fool!…..Just my thoughts(o_o)/

    1. "Which Im sure some freaky tales of the relastionship between the writter of this letter and Guy A was discussed between Guy B&A on more than one occasion."

      Wait, I thought men don't discuss what they do in bed with their boys??…

      1. Not True!!….I have been around males that have not spared any details on what is going on in thier bedroom..Men talk as much as we do.

    1. LOL I hear you Max, I hear you…

      In my lifetime, I have heard & been apart of more absurd stories than this…

      Mainly, I am still waiting for an offer to post my virginity story… That is why I didn't post…

      LOL

  26. Maybe, it's just me…but I'm not gonna jump to the conclusion that Guy B is setting her up to be a side piece. Seems to me that, if that were the case, he would've made a more deliberate move to come on to her intimately by now…which would give her more grounds to ask "does he really want me instead of wifey" (to which the answer would still be "no", lol).

    Maybe it is a "next lifetime" thing for him. But, it's quite possible that he's accepted that and figures the only thing he can give her is a good friend right now until he's completely unavailable…then she's on her own.

    But, he was an unloyal friend…which makes you question his morals.

    I have some really good friends…even married/boo'd up ones…so I know friendships with men in relationships are possible. But, then again, I def befriend the wives (not the boo's, lol) too…and the guys make it a point to cultivate that.

    I dunno…just thoughts…

  27. <blockquote cite="comment-313649">

    LaLaBakir: And, she let her girlfriends gas her up “OMG he is in love with you!” *b

    Ha! That is the exact sound that went off in my head! I would have bopped my friend upside HER head if that was her response to me. Now this woman is gassed thinking an engaged man is in love with her…if he was in love with you you would be wearing the ring boo.

      1. "Loving a woman doesn’t automatically get her an engagement ring."

        If you're in love with the right man it does.

  28. I think everyone should stop being mad at what Guy B did.

    This is how I really think it went down.

    Guy A: Man I think I'm going to try to make it work with '#1'

    Guy B: Word? What about '#2' She's (Fab voice) nice

    Guy A: Hah! You want her?

    Then Guy B accepts and decides to get her by donning his 'Captain's hat'. This of course includes 'confessing' Guy A misbehavior

    1. lol thats def how it happened..guy A did the trade off told guy B to take he's dessert he's happy with his main course.

  29. Just because a man gives you money doesn’t mean he loves you remember prostitutes get money from married men all the time. SBM gave her all the right answers. Ladies stop looking at these men with rose colored lens. If the situation feels funny or you have to do too much guessing. Ex: Girl do you think he loves me? Then just walk away

    Plus your single until you married he’s just trying to get some last minute single man sex before he becomes tied down forever.

  30. Leave it alone.

    As previously stated numerous times…a man will let you know without any doubt when he wants you. He doesn't… (or maybe he does but has suddenly developed a conscious after running over his ex-friend). Either way…don't do it.

  31. Any man who would sell out his best friend to his GF is not the one for you ladies. Thats a character flaw whether you want to believe it or not, lol.

  32. " Is he waiting for me to breakup his relationship?" lol is she serious?! Firstly, how does she breakup a relationship she's not in? And secondly why does she want a man who would be so spineless that he couldn't leave a relationship he didn't want to be in w/o her swooping in like captain save-a-hoe?! I think she's obviously flattered by his attention & feelin herself but she needs to fall back, disappear & find a man that is actually AVAILABLE because it sounds like neither Guy A or B are thinking about her long term.

  33. I'm still trying to figure out what "ect. ect." means.

    I will say this, something is fishy with this story and I don't think we have all the information needed, sounds like a pretty girl who just knows how to get what she wants out of men and then plays the "I don't know why he does it" card.

    I'll be honest with you, Guy A basically pulled a Disappearing Act, and she kept complaining about the sh*t to Guy B. Lunch after lunch, gchat after gchat, happy hour after happy hour. Guy B probably told Guy A, yo shorty keeps talking about you. And Guy A said, "I have nothing to say to her." So finally after getting fed up with her talking about it all the time, he figured he'd just put it out there. "Yo, Dre ain't thinking about you no more, he was talking to you when he was separated from his wife, he back with his wife now. Sorry you had to hear it from me, but somebody had to tell you!"

    She told the guy that she was having hard times, probably shed a tear or two, made it seem like she ain't know what she would be able to do, and then she is surprised that he came though with a check. He might have done that just because he was tired of you complaining about it, or maybe he just had it to give.

    Call him a simp or that he's madly in love with you, but sometimes guys are passive possessive. They have no intentions on falling in love with you or collecting on the poon that she clearly owes him. They just want to be able to say at the end of the day, "Remember that time I helped you out." They want to be able to walk up to your man and say, "Don't bite the hand that feeds you." That type of Godfather-like power turns men on. I wouldn't make too many judgments about that at all.

    I'm sorry I just see this situation a little different than most.

    PS – Now ima go get Teflon out of moderation.

  34. <blockquote cite="comment-313674">

    Cally: Simping Ken … writtting big checks for someone other than you wife, child or mother/father? Seriously?! Tricking paper, fixing cars and no s3x… All this on a promise and because she’s your “friend”? #wheretheydothatatTaye Diggs would definitely play homie in the movie version of this story. Real pillow figther, cocoa butter slathering type of dude.He doesnt owe this chick anything and the fact that hes giving her so much attention and treating her like #1, raises alot of questions.

    He should report directly to his fiance and tell on himself, like he told on his boy. Selling your boy out for your own advancement … thats some real corporate world ish right there.

  35. This is some ridiculous foolery. Unmitigated bullshit.

    First, I love how everyone just glossed over the fact that that she was dating a married man in the first damn place. Separated = STILL EFFING MARRIED.

    So first she got played, cause Guy A went back to his wife.

    Then she gets gassed up by an enagaged dude, who clearly dropped a little change hoping that's going to pan out to some side ass. So basically she's established a pattern of being a de facto jump off. If she likes it, I love it.

    Where is the common sense that should have kicked in when she was typing this email to send to some complete strangers on the internet??? This is worse than a bad Lifetime movie. Where is the thought process that kicks in and said to a person that this whole scenario is all types of jacked up and let me remove myself from it!

    1. I don't think that she knew Guy A was married when they were dating. According to her letter she confronted Guy A and they broke it off after Guy B told her about it. But I'm starting to agree with some of the other posters: Guy A and Guy B may have been together on the big reveal. Either way it's one of those situations where she thinks she's getting over but really she's bout to get played for stupid.

  36. Guy B Is Definitely SIMPING. He is worst then Guy A Just Because He Getting Emotionally involved with you by leading you on making you think he's gonna leave his wife for you, but that won't happen. He will treat you with respect, honesty, and hang out with you, but wifey will always have the ring. Guy A is probably waiting in the wings to break up Guy B's marriage. Hell Hath No Fury Like A Man Scorn. Don't fall for the trap of being a chick that messed with a married man, it's not worth the time,

    1. "Guy A is probably waiting in the wings to break up Guy B’s marriage."

      o__O

      Naahhhh, I didn't get that part of the memo in this letter.

  37. Hmmm,

    This could be a setup on both Guys A and B part to see who can hit 1st, because I can't see GuySimp throwing his boy under the bus just like that, and another thing how does she know GuySImp didn't tell Guy A his intentions and got the green light to pursue her.

    Men sometimes do grimy ish like this just to see the outcome

    She better be careful.

  38. So yall were dating for 2 years and NOT ONCE did he mention that "oh yea, by the way, im married (separated)" o_0

  39. I read this post aloud to my co-worker during our lunch break. We were thoroughly amused and love the advice. Just want to add that she needs to stay far away from both guys. Don't take anything else no money, no gifts from Guy B….also don't have sex with him…you will end up hurt and as Dr. J says….with a bankrupt twat.

  40. Silly silly shit
    Of course he "likes" you lady. He can probably tell you shit he can't tell the future wife and because of that you and he are getting your loyalties twisted.
    Leave that man alone, mind your own business and quit contemplating the demise of his relationship due to your selfishness which is why homeboy probably went back to his wife. Some women need to be checked for their recklessness before they do something stupid and unethical.

      1. Exactly!!!

        Ole boy ain't going nowhere, unless his lovey finds out and then kicks his azz to the dumpster.

  41. I agree pretty much with what was said EXCEPT… Guy B has done NOTHING wrong. It's not like he made a move on the girl. He's just helping her. If he truly considers her a friend, then what's wrong with that? He may be physically attracted to her too. But, I've learned that every guy that's physically attracted to you isn't necessarily going to try to get with you, especially if he has a fiance. He sounds like a good guy who loves his fiance. Enjoy the help he has given you thus far and take it for what it is…a friend helping a friend, nothing more.

    Also, telling her Guy A is married may have broken the "male code," but more men need to hold their friends accountable for stepping out on their wives. I think it shows that he has integrity. I find absolutely NO fault with Guy B.

  42. <blockquote cite="comment-313667">

    Animate:

    I hate when people say stupid stuff like this. Loving a woman doesn’t automatically get her an engagement ring.

    By no way was I implying that love AUTOMATICALLY ensured an engagement ring…but clearly the man doesn't love her so the who notion of "love" surrounding these two is absurd anyway. *shrugs*

  43. So y'all know I always look at things a little differently and this story makes me think old girl needs to be slapped! She is a scheming chick. Stop trying to get other chicks boo's at work. Get a life, a new outfit and get out and meet your own man! I DO NOT beleive this woman had no clue GUY A had a wife for 2 years…I DO NOT believe that she didn't think GUY B may have had feelings for her at ANY POINT before he became engaged…etc etc etc…I think she is being manipulative and trying to play the victim in this "plea for help"

    Really "is he waiting for me to break up his relationship?" And you are so special that the moment YOU decide to end HIS relationship it will end?? This girl needs a wake up call, some self-esteem and a financial planner NOT A MAN. The reason GUY B is showing any love is b/c your actions (and probably GUY A) have told him that you are simpleminded and probably easy…

    Just my thoughts….

  44. I'm going to go against the general wave/theme of the comments today, since I'm a late arrival…

    Sure, why not, BREAK THEM UP.

    But don't [email protected] it either. If you ARE going to break them up you have to be in it to win it and know there's going to be a lot of blowback. You're going to break some hearts, ruin some relationships, and hurt some feelings. These hearts, relationships and feelings MIGHT be your own when you find out that you've been misreading him this whole time and he hits you with the, "I'm just not that into you" speech.

    Honestly, I feel that there are one of two things taking place:

    1) You already know he's not that into you or not MORE into you than the woman he is currently with, so instead you're letting him be nice to you and give you these various material and emotional things on the side. HOPEFULLY, you haven't given it up to him yet, as yall are "just friends." *side eye* Pause *reverse side-eye*

    2) You simply like the thrill of the chase. The thought of this other woman's man doing all these things for you, blatantly or subconsciously kind of turns you on. You don’t want HIM you just want to KNOW you could have him IF you wanted him. Thus, as soon as you get him away from this other girl, you'll lose interest. No matter, you've ruined yalls friendship and his relationship in the process.

    1. WIM, I swear, you scared me, lol. I was trippin (in a bad way) till you brought it home with…

      <blockquote cite="comment-313710">

      WisdomIsMisery: These hearts, relationships and feelings MIGHT be your own when you find out that you’ve been misreading him this whole time and he hits you with the, “I’m just not that into you” speech.

      I was like, "Oh…cause I was about to say…", LOL!

  45. I don't get women sometimes; I really don't. I'm going to start off by saying that I appreciate the heads up that he gave her, particularly since he hasn't given any real indication that it was a sleazy move on his part.

    Moving on to what I find annoying about all this. As women, we spend a lot of time arguing with men about the issue of platonic friendships, and how it's possible to maintain said relationships. Heck, I was even going to write about it this week, until I decided that I couldn't be bothered. I've always been of the opinion that it doesn't matter what "he" would do if given half the chance; what matters and is relevant to the classification is the actual dynamics between the individuals and the lack of romantic & sexual involvement. So here you have a guy who is doing things that good friends do, time & resources permitting, but who isn't showing any overt signs of romantic interest. I mean, I look out for my dudes, and I'm the first one that some of them turn to when in a financial bind. I'm also there for emotional support as required. All this simply because I care. So, again… here you are with what sounds like a good, if not great friend, and the question on your mind is whether or not you should interfere with the future he's trying to build with his partner? Mind you, not because you yourself are in love with him, but because someone else planted the idea that he could be in love with you in your pretty little head. How bloody selfish is that?

  46. Unless she is a family member OR like a family member…

    NEVER EVER help a b*tch out when it comes to financial matters… In this post S&I era… Let her figure her finances out outside of your financial support…

    & don't expect your family & friends to pay you back on any loans…

    Now to read the rest of the post…

    1. Well, that was fun… The fact that women can get rich off of their poon without even giving up the poon… speaks of the stupidity of alot of women who mismanage their moneymaker…

      I have nothing else insightful to add…

      It has been fun

  47. Honestly…..If i was Guy B and a true friend I would do the same thing he did. As far as Guy B setting you up for a sidepiece that's all your decision. If Guy B shows any type of interest in you and you can make a husband out of him go for it. Just be warned you can't trust him with lady friends in the future.

  48. Please raise the bar when it comes to your requirements of a friend. Everything she has mentioned sounds like what a true friend would do and she is so blessed. Those things that she had mention took a great deal of effort and consideration on his part and I am quite sure that he's capable of ending a relationship as well for her if he what he wanted. I personally think with all the qualities she have shared about him could it be quite possible she is the one with the romantic feelings instead of him. My advice is to allow him to make that decision without any outside influence from you because how you begin something is how you will finish. You don't want that man having you do all the leg work when it comes to ending things because that's not your responsiblity that is his. In the meantime, cherish the friendship and keep a level head as well as date to keep you from being idle and doing something that may cause havoc on your blessed relationship

  49. sbm has said everything that crossed my mind & I wholeheartedly cosign…girl leave him alone that whole situation is just a mess…cant build a sturdy house on a shaky foundation

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