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Can You Love God & Sex?

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I have been trying to figure out what this was billboard was advertising for over a week.

I have a confession to make, the readers really drive content on the site.  As a writer at SingleBlackMale.org, I can tell you most people read a post one time, but they’ll read the comments many times over.  And in our minds we’re able to classify our readers into several categories, so it’s no surprise to me that I believe that many of our readers are believers in God and also are sexually active.  I’ve spent a lot of time discussing the topic over the years, it’s been about eight years since I first sat down at a campus forum and discussed, Can you love God and sex?  I think it’s possible, but really where does that conversation go, and how can we really support our love (not obsession) for sex within our respective religions?

Many of our religions preach no sex before marriage, but I’ve always thought that rule was kind of out-of-date.  I think about that from time to time, I mean back in biblical times people were getting married at age 16 and starting families.  Nowadays people might wait until their thirties in order to pick a spouse.  I’m not sure that God intended for us to wait all that time.  I mean, what’s that saying, “God knows my heart”?  I’m pretty sure that as the Man on High looks down upon us mere mortals he has given it some thought, “I never really planned for these guys to wait thirty years for sex.”  I also think that previously maybe the good Lord was looking out for us, he didn’t want us to have so many babies running around because we didn’t pick a spouse and had no contraception devices.  Well, now sex is a recreational activity that you can engage in and not have to worry about childbirth if you take the necessary precautions.

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Does that mean that it’s an out of date request by God that we wait for marriage?  As I read the bible as a youth I noticed that the word of God was changing with the years.  There was the scrolls, and then the Old Testament, and then the New Testament, then if that wasn’t enough there several texts that never made the cut for the Bible.  And let’s think about that for a second, do you remember how after Biggie and Tupac died we listened to all those tracks that never made the album and said, “There’s some good stuff here”?  Yeah me too, and that has me thinking, maybe there was a few books that got left out because they said, “Actually if you agree to be with one woman on an exclusive basis that’s a marriage and you can go ahead and have sex.”  I may be wrong, but I doubt it.

But that’s neither here nor there.

I think this is very important to me, “Thou shall have no other gods before me.”  That’s an important verse in this conversation, so I would always advise that people not let sex come before God.  And for that, I have to commend the amount of promiscuous women who wake up on Sunday mornings and find their way home, shower, change and make it to 11AM service to praise the Lord.  I make it clear that I don’t think people should obsess over sex, and I truly believe that’s where we go wrong as a people.  We go through great lengths for great sex.  But, do we go through great lengths for God?  That’s a rhetorical question, you don’t have to answer that.

See Also:  Why Are All The Pretty Girls Married?

On the flipside of this conversation, I look at people who make the decision to not have sex because of their religion and I’ll be lowkey honest, I judge them.  That’s not fair, that’s just the way it is.  I believe that society has its ways of trying to force people into sin.  The same way we encourage cheating, the same way we chastise people who are virgins into their 20s.  As I’ve gotten older I’ve stopped negatively judging people who make that decision, it is a prudent one.  They’ve got a “take no chances” approach to their salvation and that’s worth commending.

And for the rest of us…

We hope that our God is a forgiving one, if not, then I say, where’s that number for the adult film business?  If in fact, our God has said that if you sin and keep sinning there’s no chance at heaven, we might as well go balls to the wall at this point.  But that speaks to where I stand on the issue, I think that all sin is bad, but everybody sins so all we can do is await judgment day and see what happens.  There won’t be much to say to God, it’s not like we can deny we ever knew that it was a sin, but at the same time, maybe if we are good people and we do our best to follow the path all will be forgiven.  At least, I hope so.

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Off the record, I’ve got this vision of judgment day and the pearly gates.  I think there will be a short line for those people who sinned less and a long line for those who spent their whole lives in sin.  There will be a spectrum because “all have sinned and come short,” so you can’t expect everyone to be lumped into the same group to decide who gets in.  I pray that the waiting area for heaven doesn’t look like the DMV, and looks more like an upscale club.  After all it’s supposed to be a grandiose time!

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Comment(103)

  1. I'm a 25 year old virgin who started off deciding to wait til marriage. It's gotten me this far, but I have since tweeked my perspective. I do not plan to wait until my wedding night to go all the way. However, I do intend the guy I lose my virginity to to be the one I marry, which is why I now say that ideally I want to wait until he proposes. (LOL yes, you can laugh) I want my wedding night to be beautiful, and not painful which is why I've changed that decision. I do not look down upon anyone who chooses to have premarital sex. Many of my friends are wonderful people who've had premarital sex. I'm not one to judge. So hopefully, no one will judge me on my decision either. God knows our hearts.

    1. until he proposes?! wow…that could be a loooooong time. Now I respect your decision and don't mean to sound judgemental or bashful but how are you gonna keep him at bay for…let's say 2/3 years without A.SS?! I might be a youngin but even I know that's not possible without him cheating on you.

      1. I agree animate. Do you think when the bible was created that using words like "f*ck" were considered a sin? I'm sure the F word wasn't even around let alone used as "a word of sin"… and don't care to ponder when or how it came about. Point is I think if you are religious you can stretch the rules from text dating back thousands of years. =

  2. I think God wants us to live by his rules. In other words "at least try". Can you love God and sex? I think so; as long as God is first. No sin is greater than the next so it doesn't matter what your vice is to me.

  3. According to the Bible, the laws & Gospels are the infallible, unchanging word of an infallible & unchanging divine creator. With that said, there is nothing to read into. If it's there in black & white, and you believe that it came from such a being, then there's no room for interpretation. This is why I don't believe in a god anymore. I can't understand how, in his infinite wisdom, YHWH chose to reveal himself to bedouins wandering the desert & not the civilized Chinese, Greeks or Africans. Whatever. Relating to sex, if it's between consenting adults, with no lies or misconceptions going in, it should be all good & no one should worry if an invisible guy in the sky is judging them for what he apparently created us to do. I'm going to step off of my soap box now & go to sleep because I have a tee time in the AM.

      1. What's up SweetKiwi, not sure if you're new, but if you are WELCOME to SBM!!!

        Only thing i'll say here is, let's be inclusive. Just because someone doesn't believe in God or maybe atheist or of another religion doesn't mean they cannot comment. This is an open forum for all.

  4. This is a very interesting post…that I wish went another way.

    That said, I want you to understand that, although I don't have all the answers, I truly believe in my heart that attaining eternal life has very little to do with "being good people and being our best."

    There's nothing that we can do to EARN our way into Heaven. Like you quoted, "We've ALL fallen short"…even the self-righteous, Bible-quoting, holier than thou Christians.

    The key is knowing and believing that the PRICE for sin and hence the ADMISSION into Heaven has already been paid!!! We just have to receive it!! Once we receive it, "all that other stuff" falls into place. You can't change behavior (be good) without changing the heart first (accepting Christ and His atonement for sin).

    Many try to do the opposite, and their "praise" and "faith" become superficial, like a house built on sand. They seem Christlike, but their hearts are unchanged! That's many of us, unfortunately. That's why God wants our heart first…fanatics are more concerned with changing behavior.

    Anywoo, knowing that for me, takes away SO MUCH PRESSURE on daily living. I've already surrendered…my whole life is in allowing HIM to shine through my heart…Not in tallying the number of goods and substracting the number of bads. We'll ALWAYS come short! Thank God for His grace.

    On that note, this extends to promiscuity before marriage. And any other sin that we justify and rationalize. Trying to change the behavior, and giving oneself a thumbs up whenever we successfully dodge that temptation is futile. You dodge it for 6 months, then blithely go for it the next 6. It's not about what's old fashioned, outdated, not applicable, blah blah blah. No matter what people say or how they interpret the Word, it's about your conviction. What is a stumbling block for one and what is a vice for one, may not be for the other.

    So, know thyself…know the way God speaks to you…and know that no matter what, you are already forgiven!! You just have to accept it. See, guilt is exactly what the enemy wants you to feel…until you feel apathy about the sin altogether. Oh, how I'm guilty of being apathetic to certain sins. Help us all, Lord!

    Sidebar: God never said "resist" temptation, b/c He knew temptation would be impossible to resist. He said FLEE from it!!

    1. This is my inaugural post on SBM, though I’m a longtime lurker. And trust, I'll never post this long again. This former religious studies major got a bit carried away.

      @Tash

      Sexuality is a perennial topic of concern whenever I’m thinking about what it means to be a faithful, committed Christian in our day and age. Basically, if I weren’t a Christian I’m not sure this issue would warrant as much concern on my part. But as a Christian—and a 24-year-old black male virgin *audible gasps*—sexuality figures large as I attempt to live my life. The challenge is how to reconcile those aspects of my life—Christian, black, male—without losing the sight of the need to actually enjoy life.

      Some of my initial observations regarding God and premarital sex are as follows: first, I’m 99.9% sure that the Christian faith considers premarital sex a sin (which literally means “to miss the mark”); second, everyone sins, but Christians are not supposed to willfully compromise on what they know to be wrong; third, the Christian faith views all sins as equal in their ability to distance us from God, and it is that distance from God, our creator, that we call spiritual death (a much better description of what Hell actually is, more a condition than a location); fourth, some sins though absolutely have harsher repercussions in this present life (e.g. murder and prison, promiscuity and STIs); fifth, though all sins are equal, the reason why premarital sexual activity is so prominently condemned by Christians is that it is unique in being the sin that most directly disrespects the idea of our bodies as the site of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:18).

      But our present day personal/spiritual dilemma: How do we remain faithful to Christ by waiting until marriage—even if this means being the only celibate people in the room, like being modern-day martyrs for a seemingly lost cause—in the face of some profound trends in our secular culture.

      The Psychological Trend: Our current culture seems to suggest that premarital sex can be a safe, healthy, and enjoyable social norm and that saving yourself for marriage is often just a cover, hiding fears of one’s sexual capabilities as well of emotional and sexual intimacy—this supposedly explaining Christians’ prominent condemnation of premarital sex.

      The Sociological Trend: In addition, the more obvious problem, raised by other commenters, is that, in all honesty, the very ways in which people move through life seem to be shifting (i.e. adulthood being pushed back). This shift has meant that self-identified Christian young adults, in delaying marriage, now engage in premarital sexual activity at a rate only slightly lower than that of non-believers.

      Thus, what’s most concerning for me is the fact that this situation almost forces Christians to choose one of two diametrically opposed but equally unacceptable stances:

      (1) The self-identified Christian becomes sexually active and then is forced to reconcile his deviation from his beliefs and thus he ultimately changes his beliefs to accommodate his behavior—this new belief system usually falls in the “spiritual but not religious” mindset (watch: http://www.cornell.edu/video/?videoID=272). Or…

      (2) The self-identified “über” Christian staunchly resists sexual activity but ends up putting sex—or not having sex—on a pedestal. That “putting sex on a pedestal” becomes nothing less than a prideful idolatry. Rather than being dependant on and thankful for Christ’s sacrifice, the über Christian actually ends up practicing not Christianity but a moralistic, rules-based, self-made religion—again, idolatry.

      Like I said, both are unacceptable. And while I haven’t reached an answer myself, I really appreciate Tash’s comments—esp. “You can’t change behavior (be good) without changing the heart first (accepting Christ and His atonement for sin).” The word repentance (metanoia) literally means changing one's mind or a change of heart about something and thus is better understood as an act “focusing on the superior state being approached rather than the inferior prior state being departed from” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metanoia).

      1. I too am also a 22 yr old female virgin… who would hope to have a virginal husband one day… Just when I thought that there are no young Christian men who have not had sex yet… Thank you for announcing that… It gives me hope…

  5. " I also think that previously maybe the good Lord was looking out for us, he didn’t want us to have so many babies running around because we didn’t pick a spouse and had no contraception devices. Well, now sex is a recreational activity that you can engage in and not have to worry about childbirth if you take the necessary precautions."

    that would be true. however, you didn't mention the emotion aspect of sex. from my experience (well the experiences of my boys that got it in with their GFs, and then sh*t happened and they split) emotion is a major part of sex (moreso for females, imo) and maybe He knew that when He encourages us to mainly have sex with our spouse.

    "If in fact, our God has said that if you sin and keep sinning there’s no chance at heaven, we might as well go balls to the wall at this point. "

    "I" don't think He operates in this manner (i can't speak for The Big Homie though) but i think He believes in Repentence, which is a process of saying "my bad" compounded with an attempt to change for the better. and you're right, we all sin, even Christians, even after they proclaim their Christianity-ness. That's why, to me, being a Christian isn't the end-goal, it's merely the path i walk, the process i choose to undertake.

    but, that's just me. *shrug*

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-313928">

      Peter Parker: that would be true. however, you didn’t mention the emotion aspect of sex. from my experience (well the experiences of my boys that got it in with their GFs, and then sh*t happened and they split) emotion is a major part of sex (moreso for females, imo) and maybe He knew that when He encourages us to mainly have sex with our spouse.

      THIS!

      I feel like God wants us to enjoy and love sex, I really do. However, I feel like God wants us to enjoy it in a fashion that will not cause us heart break and emotional issues hence He has asked us to not have sex before marriage. Premarital sex can naufrage efficient decision making especially if it is that good good because feelings become invovled that wouldn't normally be. I'm not perfect, I've had sex (although I was older than most my first time) and so I know the negative ramifications that can go along with premarital sex. So I have chosen to be much wiser with my sexual practices. However, I do not judge people based on their sexual practices because only God can judge. noTupac

      1. <blockquote cite="comment-313929">

        BP: However, I feel like God wants us to enjoy it in a fashion that will not cause us heart break and emotional issues hence He has asked us to not have sex before marriage. Premarital sex can naufrage efficient decision making especially if it is that good good because feelings become invovled that wouldn’t normally be.

        I've always thought the same thing…

  6. I not only believe and love God, I sin daily. Not intentionally but nevertheless I do willingly. We tend to dissect the Bible until it says what we need it to say to soothe our conscious and rationalize our faults. It’s no different from telling your child not to do something and they do it anyway, you punish them but you never stop loving them. You hope that they won’t do it again but you know that odds are they will. We teach our kids not to have premarital sex and yet some of us live with the opposite sex unmarried in the same household with that same child and say things like, “do what I say not what I do.” We do this because we want them to be better and not make the same mistakes we did. We do this because deep down we don’t want them to experience the same pains that we have surrounding sex and relationships…and that’s all God is doing by telling us not to partake in sins of a sexual nature because he knows what happens when we treat sex like a recreational sport. He knows that some of us will take it too far and get hurt in many ways.

    I personally lived with a man for 12 years and we were committed to each other. Everyone called us Mr. & Mrs. So and So LOL and no one could tell me we were wrong but in honest reflection we were… As stated in the article, the Bible is incomplete but the parts that we have are very clear regarding sex and marriage. Sex in and of itself is HOLY and beautiful it’s just that some people do things to make it ugly and dirty and confusing.

    When a man and woman engage in the art of “making love” this is the only time we are physically ONE Shakespeare called it, “making the beast with two backs.” If you have drawn that line for each other to be together and share your life, why wouldn’t you get married? God frowns no more on premarital sex than he would the man or woman who has been married three or four times to three or four different people and thereby reducing the sanctity of marriage to gloried dating.

    So yes, I can and I do love my God and I love sex…and at this point in my life I can say that I am dead wrong for having sex outside of marriage regardless of the commitment…If I was that damn committed I would be married … just saying 🙂

    Peace and Blessings

  7. Well, I can say with full conviction…that I love God way more then I love s*x….I was raised in the Church…I know what I am supposed to be doing…it has never set well with me the issue of s*x and serving God….clearly its a sin….it's the primary reason why I would like to get married again…..I am not comfortable with it…it makes me feel guilty….

    God is the Alpha and the Omega so he already knew these times would come to pass..even in the writing of the Bible..its all laid out in Revelations…so, he expects us to still do his will…He wants to always be striving toward the mark..He never said it would be easy…in fact, he knows it's not..that's why He wants us to continue to walk with Him so he can give us the strength to navigate through all of this….

    With all this being said…I am wrong as two left feet and I know it….but, God aint thru with me yet!

    Thanks for the nice healthy dose of guilt this morning Dr. J. 🙂

    1. "With all this being said…I am wrong as two left feet and I know it….but, God aint thru with me yet! Thanks for the nice healthy dose of guilt this morning Dr. J. "

      Couldn't have said it better myself 🙂

  8. It always boggles my mind when people pull out the "times were different back then" card.First of all, God invented time, He's the creator of it, so I highly doubt he's a respector of it. Time is nothing to God, a year is but a day. God is also no respector of men; meaning He doesn't change who He is or what He demands because we say so. If you're a believer, you're a believer, you have to eat the delicious "Yes Jesus loves me" parts as well as the hard to swallow "Love thy enemy, and don't freak thy neighbor" parts.

    My niece asked me to get her navel pierced the other day- she's 15- and while most of her friends have piercings and/or tattoos, I'm not having it. I could say "times have changed" but fact of the matter is, morality in this household has not. How much more would God feel that way about the morality of His household? Times have changed, society has changed, God has not.

    It's interesting to me that we're grown enough to break the rules, but instead of owning the consequences (whatever we believe they may be) we try to justify the action. I can respect the person (again, believers only) who says "I'm in sin, I know I'm wrong, I'm working on it" much more than the person who says "I love God, but…" No one is perfect, but making excuses for our imperfections is just wrong. I'm not even saying everyone should go out and be celibate (okay, kinda I am) but I do have a problem with the flippant attitude toward sin. If we truly believe no sin is greater than any other, why don't we carry that same nonchalance toward murder, or theft, etc? You'll never find someone saying "I love the Lord, and I likes to gits my my shank on" being greeted with a raucous round of support.

    And just fyi, for all the "God knows my heart" ppl, the bible says the heart is evil, and shouldn't be trusted… Something for us all to think about.

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-313936">

      C.D.: I can respect the person (again, believers only) who says “I’m in sin, I know I’m wrong, I’m working on it” much more than the person who says “I love God, but…” No one is perfect, but making excuses for our imperfections is just wrong.

      Cosign…

    2. "You’ll never find someone saying “I love the Lord, and I likes to gits my my shank on” being greeted with a raucous round of support. "

      Hah! Too funny! But true…

    3. While The Word of God is written in the bible, the Bible was written by man. People say times where different back then becuase they were, While there are big pieces of the bible that are timeless there are pieces that were written or inturperted a certain way due to the time frame the bible was wrtitten in.

      Fyi: not all the "God Knows my heart ppl" use it as an excuse to act a fool. Some ppl just make mistakes and and after much change understand that God knows what type of person they are on the inside and thats why they have been forgiven or at least understood.

    4. Interesting post J.

      I dont have anything to add today but wanted to show some support for the content. I'm going to place my comment within this thread right chea because what @CD said makes sense to me in terms of religious belief and interpretation.

  9. God doesn’t have a problem with us loving sex he has a problem with us using sex as a way to deceive trick, scheme, hurt, lie intimidate or abuse people. God wants us to treat our body like a temple, you can love sex but letting every Tom, Raheem, Bill and Jose in your temple isn’t that great. Same for men sleeping with every woman you see is’nt cool either. This waiting for marriage thing I feel is always pushed towards the females. I don’t hear a whole bunch of madness when men aren’t waiting until marriage. I don’t encourage hoeing but let’s not forget Mary Magdelon was a prostitute, and Jesus saved her. Some Christians have a problem enjoying physical intimacy in their marriage because they think God doesn’t want them to enjoy sex at least not the freaky kind.

    I think Jesus wants us to put our best foot forward, it’s just like when a baby learns to walk, the baby will stumble and fall at times but once it finds it’s balance , that baby is walking tall. Once we find our balance with God all will be well. All sinners have a future and all saints have a past.

  10. I Love God and I really really really like Sex. So there is no problem.

    Live life, do good by others and strive to be the best you can at all times. That's my way of living and I have no regrets, though I'm working on being more spiritual(not religious).

    1. If you have a relationship with the bible and it's binding "laws" and instructions, then it will be difficult to love God AND sex….especially sex outside of marriage.

      If you have an open relationship with God….then it's easy to love sex and God, and you will understand that one does not come before nor after one another, but they occur and exist simultaneously.

      I've observed, in my experiences, that I can have sex, love it, and love God before, during, and after the act. I view sex is an activity – whether it be for procreation or recreation, I ensure to enjoy the process, and accept the results…like a responsible, loving human being. Married or not…as long as I respect the woman I'm having sex with, and respect myself simultaneously, the forgiving, compassionate, and understanding God that I know and relate to, has no qualms with my sexual adventures. If you are truly a spiritual being, and not a religious one, then you understand that sex is an act that can be used to celebrate God, and it can be treated as sacred in or outside of marriage. There is no standard on how to relate to God…..you can walk outside and look around if you desire proof.

      I have a relationship with God….not with a book that attempts to personify God. Although I respect most of what is written, I respect the natural order of things much much more. And sex is as natural (and supernatural) as God.

      Cool topic…

  11. The Bible clearly states:

    Fornicators will not inherit the kingdom of God….the body was not made for fornication

    God is no fan of divorce

    Anyone who divorces except for marital unfaithfulness and remarries commits adultery

    Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery

    Adultery is a sin

    God did say a man should have one wife…but he never denounced polygamy…and there are numerous examples of polygamy throughout the bible so I say…

    Let's all get married and have sex!

    Seriously…having pre-marital sex would be putting sex before God. The Bible clearly says to avoid sexual immorality….I struggle with this. ALL. THE. TIME. I LOVE the Lord…. A LOT. And I happen to enjoy sex a lot too…So to answer the question, yes…I think it is possible to love God and sex. We are all sinners so to say you can't love God and sex would be to say you could only love God if you don't sin!

    David LOVED God. God loved him right back. He (God) said David was a man after his own heart…DAVID.

    Do ya'll know anything about King David? He committed murder and adultery. Murder like on the regular.

    I'm not saying that gives me a murder and adultery Black card…. I'm just saying while it's clear that sexual immorality goes against God…only God will be the final judge as to what price I will need to pay for my sins….sexual or otherwise. And just because I sin does not mean God doesn't love me. He hates my sins…but he loves me in spite of it.

    1. PS. I really want to say I love God more than sex but if I did, wouldn't it be easy to just not do it until he says I can? But it sounds crazy to say I love sex more than God…but when I have sex, with anyone but my husband, that's exactly what I'm showing him….and actions always speak louder than words…. So should the question be, is it worth it to love sex more than you love God?

      1. I get what you're saying here. I really do.

        My oldest son loves me…a lot. I'm his Mom. But, he also lies. I know he doesn't love lying more than he loves me. Lying is a problem for him. His nature causes him to lie. His lying problem has nothing to do with his heart for me. I continue to punish him for it in hopes that he'll be able to control his urges to lie and eventually stop lying all together…and I continue to love him (and give him Dr. Pepper every now and then) in spite of his problem.

        I think it's the same with with us, God, and our sinful natures.

  12. WoW – This is a deep one DJ for a Tuesday that feels like a Monday. 2 of my closest girlfriends and I were having a conversation about this and its a constant struggle. At this point in my life I found myself quoting Paula Patton's character from "Jumping the Broom" Lord if you get me out of this with some dignity I will save my cookies for my husband.

    Like many have said here I believe God made sex to be beautiful and enjoyable. But when you think about your soul and the soul ties you create with engaging with several people – you begin to see why rules were put in place.

    At the end of the day your relationship with God is just that, yours – everyone has to work out their own soul salvation but the key is to be TRUE to Him and yourself.

  13. Yes you can love God and sex at the same time. I suppose many people do.

    As for me, I love God. Sex is ok; I like it sometimes. I don't love it.

    For religious reasons, If I could do it over, I would have waited until marriage. Also, I would like my children to wait until theyre married and I will let them know that. However, I'm not sure if they will agree or follow what I say.

  14. The emotional consequences attached to pre-marital s.ex is the exact reason why I will stress abstinence to my children. I will teach them about safe s.ex but I will put emphasis on the fact that no safe way is 100% disease proof…and there's no way to protect your heart. There's no way to keep you from detaching emotions from s.ex…they should be attached.

    I believe you can love God and s.ex. I believe that NOTHING can separate us from the love of God. I believe that Jesus' blood covers a multitude of sins. I believe that we should strive daily to be better in all that we do…that we should die to our flesh daily and be led by the Spirit as often as we can. And I curse the day I opted to have pre-marital s.ex…cause now it's hard to live without it…especially after being in a 7 year marriage. It's hard not to be a "wife" when that's the type of relationship you're used to having with a man…which is why I can't be casual with men.

    If you love gospel music, as I do, Kim Burrell's "Holy Ghost" is a good listen and lyrically fitting for those striving to be better.

  15. Thanks for the guilt trip this morning, Dr. JayJack. Let me preface my comments by saying I’m guilty of fornication, it is something I struggle with and attempt to avoid, and keeping Romans 2:3 in mind, this certainly isn’t a something I’d condemn anyone of.

    This is a question of where morality is derived from. If you are a Christian, it should be from the word of God. You can live your life by societal standards, but just keep in mind that society doesn’t have a heaven or hell to put you in, and God isn’t going to judge you by what society thinks. As mentioned by other commenters, God’s laws for us has not changed. We can try to rationalize it by claiming we get married later or the world has changed, but that is a copout. We are not to be conformed to this world. No matter how much we think it is fine to do, Proverbs 3:5 tells us different.

    Some things in the Bible are hard to understand, but others are pretty straightforward. Fornication is one of those things that is clearly forbidden, no matter how much we/I enjoy it. From reading the book of Romans, it appears Paul struggled with fornication and lust as well, but that didn’t stop Paul from condemning it in several of the epistles that he wrote. God's word is His word, and Paul couldn't change it because of his desires.

    Jesus said you can judge a tree by its fruits. As prude as we may think the wait-until-marriage policy is, the free love era has been disastrous. One of the reasons we get married later in life is because we are so willing to have $ex prior to marriage.

    Sin is something we all will struggle with. But I can’t cosign this, because while fighting sin will always be a struggle, God gave the eagle-eye prophet a stern warning to forward to us that would attempt to say premarital $ex is acceptable now:

    Isaiah 5:20 – Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!

    1. Nothing like a man with some Word in him, Hugh Jazz. James is looking quite attractive right now, LOL… * teasing *

    2. THISSS!!! All of this! This entire comment here!!! I was JUST having this exact convo with the ex-boo the other night and the bottom line is no matter how we flip it (or how good I flip IT), it's sin. Saying that no sin is greater than the other, times are changing, and God knows my heart doesn't change any of it. UNRECONCILED sin is UNFORGIVEN sin period. Sex before marriage is a sin. I love it, the Lord knows I do but it's still sin and the people back in 3000 A.D. and B.C. struggled with it the same way the rest of us do. Not only did they want it before they got married but they wanted it with someone other than their spouse too. Someone mentioned "so God can't change his mind?" God is the same yesterday, today and forever. He's God- why would he ever have to change his mind?? I don't mind getting on my soapbox about this because as someone who is struggling with this particular sin (dang it!!!) above all others, I am convicted in my heart that it's wrong and really do desire to abstain and to please God because it is truly the least I can do. I know where Dr. J is coming from- the exact same place my lovely and super intelligent ex-boo was coming from (and where I sometimes wish I could come from). But still, it is what it is *deep sigh* and I can't co-sign.

      But like my grandma always says, everyone has to work out their own salvation. I know people who say their saved and feel no conviction about pre-marital sex. I, on the other hand am and the bible says if my heart convicts me, why wouldn't the father? And yes, God does know your heart- He KNOWS your heart. He knows if you are truly trying your best and struggling or if you are forever finding ways around His word. In the end though, it's just going to be you and Jesus and the Lamb's Book of Life so decide for yourself and believe it.

      I will agree with one point though- if you're going to willingly do while still thinking it's wrong and hoping God will look the other way, you might as well go balls to the wall. No sense in going to hell over mediocre sex…

    3. I was looking forward to reading a response from you on this post, and you certainly did not disappoint.

      1. Thanks Naija (this is one of the rare times I'm on this site after the work day is over due to Facebooking during the game).

  16. Eh people are hypothesizing about God's view towards sex based on…? People want modern convenience/societal norms and salvation at the same time.

  17. The other day I was on my way out to get into some trouble of the sexual nature and I was freaking out. I was so nervous I thought I was about to have a heart attack and keel over in the road. I tried every breathing exercise I know to calm myself down, to no avail. So even though it felt wrong, I just had to pray. My prayer went a little like this:

    God, I know that it is beyond inappropriate for me to be asking you to smooth a path toward #hoshit. I know I should be at home reading the Bible instead of in this cab on the way to fornicate. But I know that if you didn't mean for me to get my back blown out tonight you would not have put the path before me. So I ask you in the name of Jesus to calm my nerves and remove all the barriers to my nastiness…"

    Then I was calm and it was on.

    And that, my friends, is how I love God and sex.

    1. LOL…

      Romans 7 puts it best:

      22 For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. 23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. 24 O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25 I thank God–through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.

      1. Hahaha I honestly, honestly believe I that if God didn't want me to engage in that particular act of #hoshit He would not have put the opportunity in my path. So it only makes sense for me to pray for it to go well!

        1. I honestly, honestly believe I that if God didn’t want me to engage in that particular act of #hoshit He would not have put the opportunity in my path.

          He wouldn't have let the cab driver find your correct house address right?!! 😉

    2. If you never prayed over some sex, you are a liar. I know on many occassions; put on lucky underwear and took a knee on the way out the crib, hoping for a good night.

  18. If u believe the word of God, you must believe wholeheartedly and not cherry pick what suits you. Yes a person can love God and have sex but 1 Corinthians 6:18 states "Or know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of Go d? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with men, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God."
    Case closed.

    1. "1 Corinthians 6:18 states “Or know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of Go d? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with men, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.”

      Case closed."

      so if your husband was the only man you ever slept with but you slept together before you got married or that notion ever came to mind.. you have written yourself a oneway ticket to hell ? Or if you had sex before marriage no matter what other great things you have done or how good of a person you are you have written your one way ticket to the underworld ?

      What about the forgivness factor of the bible .. you should'nt over use it but it does exist

    2. Just in case somebody's "thorn" wasn't mentioned in the quoted passage…

      "For in Your sight no one living is righteous." Psalms 143:2

      #yourmesswontmakeitineither

      Keep pressing toward the mark…

  19. Damn Dr. J.

    You really had to come at us with this topic today after all the Smuttastic Events that went down all over the world during the Memorial Day Weekend?? Not that I partook in anything I was just saying…. 🙂

    BUT

    I do believe we can Love God and Sex but all within reasoning, however, I am not going to thrust marriage before sex is good vs. premarital sex is bad down anyone's esphogus because although God's word and the Bible hasn't changed the world/society in which we live in has DRASTICALLY.

    #CarryOn

  20. I love the Lord and he is working on me yet and still lol I'll say that I think the Bible should be read and studied personally. Out of all the books I own right now the Bible is the only one which I have neglected to read fully and dissect for myself.

    That being said, the Bible is one of those things which I am wary of because it's been translated and revised over the past 1,000+ years by various authors. There is much lost in translation so I just pray for guidance and follow the word as I see fit #shrug

    I know folk will try to make others feel bad for engaging in premarital sex but as was stated earlier, sex is a sin just like any other. I love God and I am but a woman but mistakes will be made in regards to a plethora of things I do on this here Earth. I strive to live life according to him and not to how others think I should live.

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-313962">

      AfroPetite: That being said, the Bible is one of those things which I am wary of because it’s been translated and revised over the past 1,000+ years by various authors. There is much lost in translation so I just pray for guidance and follow the word as I see fit #shrug

      No need to be too wary. We have several extant copies of early New Testament scriptures in the original Koine Greek. Most English translations are translated from those early copies. They aren’t a translation of Greek to Aramaic to Latin to Arabic to whatever to English. Scholars say the textual accuracy is in high nineties, and most discrepancies are minor (like the translation would say Jesus Christ instead of Jesus). Humans are the weak link in translating God's word to us, but the Bible is the utmost authority we have.

  21. Can people please append to their comments today whether they are a virgin, or waited until they got married to have sex? I'm a little confused because we have evangelists on here, but i'm pretty sure that everyone glossed over the first paragraph of the post. Where have all these virgins been on the site? (Aside, welcome to SBM, glad to have you.) But it will help me to understand how to reply if you clarify your personal situation.

    1. Refusal to justify wrong as right (although most admitted in one way or another that they still struggle with fornication) is mainly what I'm seeing in the comments thread. In the context of paragraph 1, most are saying we can't support it outside of marriage and we won't try to.

      There are minimal comments with a "self-righteous" tone. I don't really see a lot of stone throwing going on…which would then def warrant your questions.

  22. A few additional questions that I didn't have space for in the post:

    1) What about couples who have sex, but stop a few months before their marriage purify themselves before meeting at the altar? How do you feel about that?

    2) The bible said, (not me, the bible, and I would recommend that all men always preface this next statement by saying "the bible said" because if you don't you might get slapped), "Wives submit to your husband." Wives is plural, men took up many wives back in biblical times, but that is not accepted today. Do you think that God would condone polygamy today? I don't think so. Therefore, saying that God is the same is a wildly inconsistent statement.

    3) The penalty of sex is not death or hell, but actually Maury. Keep that in mind next time you're off on a weekday.

    4) I always ask this question, but do you believe in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit because you want eternal life or because you believe that it is in fact the way you want to live your life. You can't be serious if the only reason is for eternal life, that means you really don't believe in it, you just don't want to die one day. I believe that you should live your life as if you will die the day that you die. That way you'll be focused on being a better person and having a great life, than being focused on an afterlife.

    1. I completely agree with addition #4. I have a huge problem with folks who believe in order to escape some retribution. That's quid pro quo faith.

      I don't have a firm belief in Heaven or Hell. I think my God is forgiving and wouldn't shut me down in some dark hot place or separate us from the ones we love for eternity. I believe simply because I do. I can't explain the blessings in my life and what I see around me without a belief. Even if my belief is not solidly grounded in traditional notions of Christianity.

    2. <blockquote cite="comment-313964">

      Dr. J: A few additional questions that I didn’t have space for in the post:1) What about couples who have sex, but stop a few months before their marriage purify themselves before meeting at the altar? How do you feel about that?2) The bible said, (not me, the bible, and I would recommend that all men always preface this next statement by saying “the bible said” because if you don’t you might get slapped), “Wives submit to your husband.” Wives is plural, men took up many wives back in biblical times, but that is not accepted today. Do you think that God would condone polygamy today? I don’t think so. Therefore, saying that God is the same is a wildly inconsistent statement.3) The penalty of sex is not death or hell, but actually Maury. Keep that in mind next time you’re off on a weekday.4) I always ask this question, but do you believe in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit because you want eternal life or because you believe that it is in fact the way you want to live your life. You can’t be serious if the only reason is for eternal life, that means you really don’t believe in it, you just don’t want to die one day. I believe that you should live your life as if you will die the day that you die. That way you’ll be focused on being a better person and having a great life, than being focused on an afterlife.

      1. I actually did that, lol. I get the 'heart' behind it. But, realistically, it's a bit silly, lol. It's sorta cheating, lol. "I know Imma get some so now I can wait a few weeks." If I were God, I'd be like, "Go 'head with that!" LOL…

      2. Um…there is nothing about that passage that says that the writer was talking to one man (husband) about his pack of wives, lol. I get the question but you're reaching. And just because it was a custom of a particular people or culture does NOT mean it was God's way or ideal.

      3. LOL, that too. The penalty of SIN is death…but Jesus paid it all!

      4. I think you can believe and want both…shoot, I do. But, the latter is higher up on my list.

    3. 1. I can’t say what God will actually judge on, but He says He will forgive honest repentance of sin. Considering God isn’t a man that He would lie, we have to take Him at His word.

      2a. Not sure there is an issue here. It says wives (referring to all women) submit to your husband (meaning their own husband, this particular doesn’t really imply multiple husbands).

      2b. There is nothing in the Bible that suggests that polygamy is a sin. It only states that bishops and deacons can only have one wife. The Biblical ideal isn’t marriage anyway, it’s living a celibate life in service to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7). But if you need to get your rocks off, then get married, because it is better to marry than to burn.

      4. I have multiple reasons why I believe in God; personal, experiential (a posteriori), logical and philosophical. But in response to your question, I don’t think it’s an either/or thing, in general. But personally, if those are the only two options available, I’ll say it’s more because I “want eternal life” than “it is in fact the way (I) want to live (my) life”. As 2 Corinthians 4:5 says, we’re not preaching our own opinion, but Jesus Christ’s. I certainly didn’t put that no fornication clause in the Bible, and I'd do away with it if I could. But if God says that’s what we have to do, then I guess I have no choice but to accept it.

    4. "4) I always ask this question, but do you believe in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit because you want eternal life or because you believe that it is in fact the way you want to live your life. You can’t be serious if the only reason is for eternal life, that means you really don’t believe in it, you just don’t want to die one day. I believe that you should live your life as if you will die the day that you die. That way you’ll be focused on being a better person and having a great life, than being focused on an afterlife."

      I was thinking about this earlier today. You shouldn't believe in God simply because you're scared to go to hell. No matter how anyone puts it that's wrong because you're using God as a means to an end IMO.

  23. Dr. J, I am not a virgin nor am I married. However I am a Christian now and I have not had sex since I gave my life to the Lord. And even if I continued to have sex I would still have to acknowledge what God has to say about it, whether I like it or not. That was one of the first things I decided to fix because for me it was important for my relationship with the Lord.

  24. Good Post J.

    This topic tired me out in college, and continues to, so I have nothing really to add.

    I would just say, live your life, and build your OWN personal relationship with God, and work it out through Him. all the bible quotes in the world won't increase your chances at salvation.

  25. This may be an unpopular view, but I'm diving in head first…

    God is about relationship, not religion. Religion, as we know it, is a man made construct with strict rules that don't allow for natural growth and progression of people. Rules that oppress and condemn those that don't walk the straight and narrow. The Bible is a book written by men. The Bible is a guidebook for life, where the most important story is only talked about during the holidays and Easter… To relegate God to the Bible, hell, to even suggest that God is incapable of fluidity and to keep him/her in a box(or book), is an insult, and is definitely limiting the growth of your relationship, which is what all this is about in the first place.

    Now, as it relates to sex, I'm not a virgin, and I know I'm not hell bound because of it. Because I know where I am in my relationship with God. See, my relationship with the Big 3 is a parent/child/cousin familial relationship that isn't defined by "do this or go to hell." I think some folks forget about Jesus, and that whole dying for your sins thing. We put so much pressure on ourselves to fit into a box that was/is defined by other humans, not by God. God will never stip loving us. The fornication, drinking, tithes, basically any "mandate" in the Bible is more about showing the other christians around us that we are holy. And while we are trying to be good and holy for other people's approval, we are neglecting building a trure relationship with God.

    At the end of the day, Doc, you just need to know where you are in your relationship with God, and then conduct yourself accordingly. Like Sir Streetz says above, Bible scriptures won't get you closer. So don't worry about it. The same people who would call me a whore are the same people who think they are closer to God… Oh really? Yeah, work on the relationship, and God will lead you where you need to go in all aspects of your life. Not the preacher, or your Bible study teacher, but God.

    Sometimes, I look at Christianity the same way I look at the black community. We're focusing on the wrong things… can't see the forest, for the trees.

    Oh, and to answer the title question, not really. You can only have one god in your life. You may really enjoy sex, but you probably don't love it. Not the way you love God. But if you do, then you need to have a seat, and work on that relationship.

  26. Great post Dr. J. I don't claim to know more than what I simply believe in regards to the Word and what God would like for us to do. I'm a virgin and plan to wait till I'm married. I say that I "plan" for this to happen because I know that I'm a man who desires sex as much as anyone. I've gone back and forth a couple of times between wanting to wait until marriage, until the right girl showed up, and until the weekend. If I'm honest though, the fear of going to Hell for eternity isn't the thing that persuades me not to have premarital sex. If that were the case, I'd stop doing a lot of the other sins I commit. Many of my friends have had sex before marriage and I don't believe they're going to Hell for eternity. However, I know that I'm still in a position to obey God and I don't want to throw it away because of my carnal desires.

    God wants us to have sex. God made sex for us to enjoy. Just with one person and not until we're married. Some people have already said in the comments that there is an emotional aspect to sex and even though I obviously have no first-hand experience with this, I believe it to be true. The physical act of sex isn't the big deal, but it's the emotional and spiritual bond that comes with it that is a big deal. Some will argue that you can have sex without the emotions and if that's your experience I won't be able to convince you otherwise and I won't try. But this is what I believe.

    "But, do we go through great lengths for God?"

    And that's the real thing that people need to consider. If you've already given up your V-card, then make sure that sex isn't the master you're serving. I don't feel like I need sex in my life. I want it, but don't need it. I don't think it's worth giving up my virginity just to be able to say that I've done it. I've made this choice for God and for myself. So is it possible to love God and love sex? Yes, but not equally.

  27. A lot of people speaking for God in here today. I put off commenting all day because I honestly couldn't even think of the right thing to say. I know what I believe. And I also know how much stock i personally put into the bible vs how much i put into my relationship with God. My beliefs are kinda all over the place (but still in the realm of Christianity) so I'm not trying to preach to anyone about whats right and whats wrong because honestly none of us REALLY knows. All i can say is, work on your own relationships with God and he will lead you in the right direction. When judgment day comes, i can't use my logic/beliefs to save you and you can use yours to save me.

  28. Of course you can love God and sex. The problem is loving sex out of context (outside of marriage). God created sex for us to enjoy – within the confines of marriage. I believe there are common sense reasons for this (though those reasons are not addressed in the Bible) ranging from emotional distress to incurable diseases and their aftermath (stigma, infertility, more serious diseases such as cancer resulting from some STIs). God's rules for us are not arbitrary. Yes, telling us not to fornicate is a lot like telling a child not to touch a hot stove without giving that child a full explanation as to WHY they should not touch the stove. Some kids will touch the stove anyway and get burned. That's how we are with sex before marriage. I don't know why it was not explicitly laid out for us why fornication is wrong, but I do believe there are real concrete reasons. Loving God and sex is the unmarried person's daily struggle unfortunately.

  29. Hmm..this is a tough one. Even for a virgin…

    I love the Lord, Jesus is my savior (like everyone, we are working on it..) and I'm a 24-year-old virgin who WAS celibate. I am on the fence regarding waiting until marriage for one particular reason… But first, a few points.

    I personally do NOT believe the following:

    S.exual immorality = S.ex before marriage
    Times have changed = God is a different God today
    Premarital S.ex = Loving S.ex more than God

    While premarital s.ex might be a type of s.exual immorality… I do not think premarital s.ex is what defines s.exual immorality – though I do agree with the few who have used the terms premarital s.ex and fornication interchangeably. A minor detail, I guess. But still!

    Certain aspects of the bible seriously ARE only explicitly relevant to those times. Like the example given above regarding many wives or incest- circumstances needed to populate the earth. This particular concept of relevancy regarding a prior necessity is similar to the discussion a few days ago regarding HBCU's 🙂 #Jab….. Examinations like this can get a bit ridiculous and are borderline counterproductive. An irrelevant (or perceived to be irrelevant) command from God does not make him a different God. You can, and are supposed to, read certain things and see different meanings – everything is relative – like time, as mentioned above. This is why emphasis needs to be placed on LOVE and RELATIONSHIPS as opposed to RULES. Pray with God regarding the inspired written word. Try not to let conversations turn judgmental or cause division amongst believers. All of our hearts are in a good place.

    That being said… it is no secret that the dramatic decline in almost everything can all circle back to the problems within families today which is probably commonly the result of premarital s.ex leading to Lust being confused for Love (note: premarital s.ex is not a prerequisite for this confusion) – resulting in failing marriages. I also think people have a fairytale, romanticized idea of marriage that is far from the truth and more often people are giving up on Love as opposed to seriously "falling out" of Love… which I don't believe is even possible.. but maybe thats off topic.

    Interestingly, this is the very reason why I am STILL on the fence. I refuse to get married just to have s.ex. I do not want some shot gun wedding because my man and I really want to get this show started already. It is a very difficult decision. Honestly if you ask me tomorrow I might say something different. I will note that before I had met someone who SERIOUSLY tempted me (very recently, I might add) it was much easier…obviously. Why?

    I want to have s.ex. I would love to have s.ex, actually. I would bet there are a few of us virgins who are nastier than promiscuous folks. Years of waiting produces vivid imaginations – however wrong they are. #DontJudgeMe I really hate for anyone to tell me that having s.ex would imply that I want to have sex more than I want to please the Lord. Just as a sin is a sin, forgiveness is forgiveness. Never say what you would do – and WORST OF ALL – anyone who is NOT a virgin but promotes celibacy all super strong as if they waited pffffffffttt. You might want to come on a little less strong. I mean yay for you for seeing the light and all that but… you know what I am saying! Jesus is the only one able. Walk a mile!

  30. I must admit at first i didn't want to comment on this post for the simple fact that everyone has their own level of beliefs and all people who are say they are "Christians" aren't truly Christians. Its a matter of your personal level of commitment to God and being led by the doctrine and Holy Spirit and not by your own worldly "moral code". With that being said:

    According to the Bible:

    Romans: 6: 11-20: "Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord. Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God. For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace. What then? shall we sin, because we are not under the law, but under grace? God forbid. Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness? But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you. Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness. I speak after the manner of men because of the infirmity of your flesh: for as ye have yielded your members servants to uncleanness and to iniquity unto iniquity; even so now yield your members servants to righteousness unto holiness. For when ye were the servants of sin, ye were free from righteousness."

    So first things first, in order to say you are a true follower of the Christ according to the doctrine you must admit you are a sinner, die to sin/flee from committing that sin. If you're one of those 'Precious' women of the world and you say you want to lose weight; there is no reason for the plethora of snacks in that pantry/bedroom snack drawer. Second, submit yourselves and actually try to abstain from the sin to be led and strengthen by the Holy Spirit given by God. We all have been there: "I'm going to stop cursing", but as soon as that someone (outside the work place) gets under your skin….the onslaught of curse words pour out, without any hesitation.

    Yet again, according to the Bible:

    1 Corinthians 10: 13: "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."

    2 Corinthians 3:18: "But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord."

    Before I depart lets look at this in a deeper sense. Pornography and the opportunity for lust is everywhere. Twenty years ago (I was 4 years old but I’m going to assume) you had to make a big effort to get a hold of pornography. Now it can be accessed with the click of a mouse or TV remote. It is so easy to fall in the trap of sexual immorality: masturbation, lust and sexual impurity. Saw some disturbing stats, do your own research if you don't believe these:

    "Every second 28,258 Internet users are viewing pornography. In that same second 372 Internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines."

    "Every 39 minutes a new pornographic video is being created in the U.S."

    "It’s big business. The pornography industry has larger revenues than Microsoft, Google, Amazon, eBay, Yahoo, Apple and Netflix combined"

    "US porn revenue exceeds the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, and NBC."

    We talking big money here people. So we watch this images daily (men and women included) and than lust after the flesh to perform these acts (some more often than others). Now I'm not saying if you have sex you watch pornographic material but (that's what I'm saying) I'm pretty sure out of you and your partner(s) one of you do. Its not me its the stats people. It is a cycle that needs to be broken.

    According to the Bible:

    James 1:13-15: "Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.

    Matthew 5:27-30: "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell."

    Now you say if I look at a women with a lustful eye then I have already committed a sin? yikes they we all are in for a rude awakening in the day of judgement huh (when we as men see a nice pair of 'chesticles' its hard for us not to imagine playing with them bad boys, myself included). But that's the point, we all fall short of perfection in this world because we are born into sin (Adam and Eve committing the first original sin). Jesus Christ was born into the flesh as we are, was tempted just as we are, was crucified and died without sin and rose again so that we may see the Kingdom of God, through His grace and mercy. So we cant say that we can love God and partake in a sin, if that's the case Christ died in vain.

    Galatians 5: 19-24: "Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.’”

    In closing, we as "Christians" need to actively attempt to live buy the doctrine and inspired by the fruits of the spirit rather than the flesh. We may fall short of His glory but that's totally different than habitually committing a sin and afterwards singing its cool because ”Yes Jesus loves me, Yes Jesus loves me, Yes Jesus loves me, for the Bible tells me so…”

    I'll leave you with this:

    Ephesians 5 1-21: "Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour. But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks. For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience. Be not ye therefore partakers with them. For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light: (For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;) Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them. For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret. But all things that are reproved are made manifest by the light: for whatsoever doth make manifest is light. Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light. See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is. And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit; Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God."

    1. James 1:13-15: “Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.

      Soooooooooo true. Thanks for saying this and putting this out in the airwaves. Wow…something to really think about as WE ALL WORK OUT OUR OWN SOUL SALVATION…the time is nigh!

      Thanks Sheffield

  31. Sure you can love God and love sex….sex within the confines of marriage; I plan on lovin every minute of it when I'm murried. I made the decision when I was about 10 that I would wait until marriage to have sex for religious reasons (I attended a Seventh-day Adventist school and they gave us this opportunity after having a "sex" talk with us). Now that I'm about to be 21, I'm so happy I purposed that in my heart back then because I know if I'd waited until I was faced with the temptation itself to try and make a decision, I probably would end up just having sex. (To the women who were talking about their kids and presenting abstinence until marriage to them, I highly recommend advising them to make their own vow with God before even entering the dating arena. From my own personal experience I'd say that purposing in their hearts not to have sex before marriage even before being bombarded with sexual temptation will go a long ways to actually keeping them abstinent).

    I struggle with sexual thoughts and so on, but I believe God has kept me from having sex because He sees my willingness to honor His law. He's still working on me in terms of being pure in heart and mind so I guess we all have our own spiritual battles to fight.

    And lastly, God didn't change His law, never has and never will: Matthew 5:18, "I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished." & Numbers 23:19, "God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" I believe He did make a provision for changing times and the resulting increased temptation: He promised that for every temptation, He'd make a way of escape: 1 Cor. 10:13, "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." Maybe His escape routes have changed with the times, idk. What I do know is, they work. When we truly want to obey God instead of finding a way around His word, interpreting His law in such a way that we might soothe our conscience, or developing a flippant attitude about the sin we commit repeatedly, He'll help us out. That's not to say that you won't still slip up sometimes and God has already made it clear that He knows that and will forgive. What He has made clear that He won't forgive is repeated, conscious sin.

      1. You don't have to do much research to see that most violent offenses are done by people of religion if not specifically because of religion. I've never seen anybody fly a plane into a building of people or get a group of people to drink poison to profess there "non-belief".

        1. <blockquote cite="comment-315296">

          Stion: You don’t have to do much research to see that most violent offenses are done by people of religion if not specifically because of religion.

          Please. Atheists killed 148 million people in the last 100 years, three times more than the number of people killed by war, civil war, and individual crime combined in the same period.

          <blockquote cite="comment-315296">

          Stion: I’ve never seen anybody fly a plane into a building of people or get a group of people to drink poison to profess there “non-belief”.

          Google the Tamil Tigers.

          Unfortunately, I'm at work and don't have time to respond, but these statements were so ridiculously false I didn't even have to think to respond.

  32. <blockquote cite="comment-315298">

    Hugh Jazz: Please.Atheists killed 148 million people in the last 100 years, three times more than the number of people killed by war, civil war, and individual crime combined in the same period.

    Google the Tamil Tigers.

    Unfortunately, I’m at work and don’t have time to respond, but these statements were so ridiculously false I didn’t even have to think to respond.

    I'm sorry I can't accept a cite from "Conservapedia" and no where else. Secondly I refuse to debate the reality of religion when the whole concept is based off having faith with no proof of an actual god. The day you prove to me there's a god is the day I'll continue this debate. You might just wanna take a look at the world though. With your supposed god having been around for over 2000 years being omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient he's doing a pretty bad job. And last but not least just check Genesis Chapter 1 Verse 26. I never knew god was a board of trustees. "Let US make man in OUR image, in OUR likeness…".

    1. Glad I saw this before the site covered it up with subsequent comments. Almost missed it.

      <blockquote cite="comment-315946">

      Stion: I’m sorry I can’t accept a cite from “Conservapedia” and no where else.

      I accurately quote the historical record (in other words, I provided proof), and you rejected it outright because it shatters the invalid point you made earlier. And you turn around and demand proof of God?

      <blockquote cite="comment-315946">

      Stion: Secondly I refuse to debate the reality of religion when the whole concept is based off having faith with no proof of an actual god.

      If you "refuse to debate", then why are you commenting? There is plenty of historical, documentary, logical, archaeological, philosophical and testimonial evidence of God, even if there is no conclusive proof. However, there is conclusive proof of very little in this world, but I’m sure you believe in a lot of things without proof (like your belief that “most violent offenses are done by people of religion”). I just find it risible that people hold God to a burden of proof that they do not apply to anything else in life.

      <blockquote cite="comment-315946">

      Stion: The day you prove to me there’s a god is the day I’ll continue this debate.

      Your choice to accept or reject God is just that: your choice. I don’t fault you, nor do I care, if you believe in Him or not. I'm sure you're a cool guy by our societal standards.

      <blockquote cite="comment-315946">

      Stion: You might just wanna take a look at the world though. With your supposed god having been around for over 2000 years being omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient he’s doing a pretty bad job.

      A pretty bad job based on what standard? Because the world isn’t as you want it to be? Have you stopped to consider who Jesus said is the “prince of this world”, or who Paul said is the “god of this world”? I think you have this caricature of god erected in your head, and this god lets you do anything you want and nothing bad is supposed to happen to you or anyone else. Well I don’t believe in that god either. This idea of god you’re describing isn’t remotely how the Bible describes Him or the reality of our world.

      <blockquote cite="comment-315946">

      Stion: And last but not least just check Genesis Chapter 1 Verse 26. I never knew god was a board of trustees. “Let US make man in OUR image, in OUR likeness…”.

      Yes, OUR image, referring to God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. What are you trying to prove here?

      You rejecting God is perfectly fine. However, based on your comments, you know too little about the Bible or Christianity to hold such powerful opinions about it.

      1. Dude, I was Christian for 21 years before I Smartenupnas. If you really think there's a fairy in the sky using a 2000 year old book and gay pastors to get his info to you in the days of I-Phones and BBM. Come on dude up your game in 2011. I liked Santa Clause too but I had to grow up. Instead of throwing that 10% to your pastor so he can pay off his molestees and put it towards a charity that works off reality.

        1. I guess the tone of your letter tells me all I need to know. Any time someone mentions fairies and Santa Claus in a discussion about God, I realize they didn’t “Smartenupnas”, I realize they fell for the ontological argument (or Russell’s teapot, or whatever name you wish give to it).

          So considering that you jettisoned your faith and “up’ed your game” (to what, I don't know), tell me why I should give to charity in the first place. Survival of the fittest, right? (http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/12/world/asia/12japan.html) Or should I go against the natural order of things, and just hold onto that one Christian virtue? I guess this would also be a good place to point out religious affiliation is the number one indicator that determines how much and how often people give to charity. (http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=2682730&page=1)

          Thanks, I’ll keep the 2,000 year old book, considering it gives a logical justification for morality and predicts human behavior better than the world’s best psychologists and psychiatrists, despite giving them a 2,000-year headstart. And don’t worry, there are still plenty of places for molestees to get their abuse on without the church.

  33. well let me say first off alot of things that are posted on this blog make alot of sense and are very enlightening.

    But the statements and questions made on this particular topic I totally disagree with. I feel like alot of this is contradictory. At one point you are saying that you seemingly believe in your God but then question whether he knows your heart. Then say you think that all sin is bad ( having sex before marriage is bad) but since you already sinned and you can't go back you might as well go all out. It's like a child who knows that they are disobeying their parents but say what the hell I'm going to get in trouble any way so why not go all out. what do you really accomplish in these actions. No one is ever happy when being punished.

    And with the sex I feel like this. Having sex seems good and feels good when having it but many people never think about how much sex complicates any relationship and can cause crazy emotions and conflicts to arise. I believe that God knew what trouble sex could bring and yes he was looking out for us in making the decision for people to wait until marriage. Saying that you should wait until you have found that person who is mature enough to handle the things that come along with sex and understands you enough as a person to get through these factors with you. And when you have found that person it is no longer sex it is a free emotional and physical expression of your growing and un-dieing love for that person.

    Most people only see it as sex a fun way so satisfy the temptation that they feel below their waste. But the waiting until after marriage to the right person who you have invested time and love in and have been sure are right for makes it much, much, much more than that you have the ability to make love to someone.

  34. I'd like to stick with getting smarter, gained intelligence, or tried not to celebrate ignorance (faith) or need to have some group of people (masked behind a super entity in the sky that claims to be so powerful but couldn't even keep me as a beliver) tell me how to live my life. I'm not a kid anymore so I know how to be "good". Now like you, since I was born in the great ol USA I was force fed Christianity during my childhood due to my parents parents being fed it, there parents and back far enough slave masters feeding it to there slaves. At the time of slaves Africa had a pretty diverse make-up of religions but since then has become mostly Christian and Muslim. Now since I was a Christian for 21 years it wasn't because it was all bad. I was one because it was mostly good. I believe you can get a lot of good advice from it. So you can stop with the cites. I'm not arguing whether you're in a moral or immoral cult. Either way it's still a cult. What I'm arguing is reality. Christianity claims to have a omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent GOD that I guess

    is lazy. Sorry I just couldn't buy it. Too many versions,!! hypocrisies, edits, deletions, redoes and just plain wrong info for a Perfect god to exist. You should check out the books of the bible that were taken out due to changes in public thinking about racism, slavery and treatment of woman. Now since the majority of people around are Christian and would be saddened at you quitting the club I know alot of people overlook all the bs. You gotta be real strong to take a look and see what's really good. And nigga all you gotta do is read the next verse if you think he was on that father son and holy spirit ish. I'll admit I had to look up Christian virtues. Only Christian virtue I had a issue with is faith. I've got the other 2 love and hope. I don't think these are only in reference to the Christian religion. I'm pretty sure most religions want you to love one another and have hope for a better world. Hey don't worry about me I'm not trying to convert you. I'm not a christian that's your job. I just want you to know it takes a very strong man to admit the truth. But if you wanna keep living the lie. I mean worldwide isn't your god losing to the Muslims. Well either way Peace god

    <blockquote cite="comment-316082">

    Hugh Jazz:

    I guess the tone of your letter tells me all I need to know.Any time someone mentions fairies and Santa Claus in a discussion about God, I realize they didn’t “Smartenupnas”, I realize they fell for the ontological argument (or Russell’s teapot, or whatever name you wish give to it).

    So considering that you jettisoned your faith and “up’ed your game” (to what, I don’t know), tell me why I should give to charity in the first place.Survival of the fittest, right?(http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/12/world/asia/12ja…)Or should I go against the natural order of things, and just hold onto that one Christian virtue?I guess this would also be a good place to point out religious affiliation is the number one indicator that determines how much and how often people give to charity.(http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=2682730&p…)

    Thanks, I’ll keep the 2,000 year old book, considering it gives a logical justification for morality and predicts human behavior better than the world’s best psychologists and psychiatrists, despite giving them a 2,000-year headstart.And don’t worry, there are still plenty of places for molestees to get their abuse on without the church.

    1. I’ll start off just saying I’m probably not like most Christians you’ve probably talked to. You’ve assumed I haven’t taken a serious look to see what was “really good”. The truth is I’ve examined the anti-God arguments, far more in depth and detail than most people who are non-believers. I’m pretty well read in philosophy, religion, science and history. I am well aware of the apocryphal books and rejected texts. I’m not afraid of looking at other religions and the anti-God arguments, and have seen just about every argument made. I’ve read Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins and Carl Sagan. I have no problem with looking at the agnostic or atheist arguments, and why should I? Jesus not only said He was the Truth, but also said seek and you will find. I did that. After examining the evidence, I came to realize Jesus is who He says He is.

      Honestly, you seem like a bright guy. The fact you lost your faith is probably a good thing. Simply being a Christian because you were raised one is no substitute for embracing your doubts, looking at the other points of view, and making a decision to come to Christ. My only suggestion to you would be keep digging into other philosophy and other religions.

      <blockquote cite="comment-316238">

      Stion: I’m not a kid anymore so I know how to be “good”.

      This is a major misconception about Christianity. This, in addition to some of the other comments you made, tells me you probably haven’t examined both sides of the issue as well as you believe you have. It’s not about being “good”. John 3:16 doesn’t say “whosoever is good will not perish, but have everlasting life”. I would advise you not to look at what your morality is, but look at the source of it, what is the definition of “good” and “evil”, and why anyone should share your definition. Especially look at the implications of your statement that you don’t “need to have some group of people…(to) tell (you) how to live (your)life.”

      <blockquote cite="comment-316238">

      Stion: I’m pretty sure most religions want you to love one another and have hope for a better world.

      Umm, you might want to take another look.

      <blockquote cite="comment-316238">

      Stion: Hey don’t worry about me I’m not trying to convert you. I’m not a christian that’s your job. I just want you to know it takes a very strong man to admit the truth. But if you wanna keep living the lie. I mean worldwide isn’t your god losing to the Muslims. Well either way Peace god

      No worries. In fact, I appreciate the comments because it keeps me sharp. Where you are mistaken is thinking you’ve already found the truth. It doesn't take a "strong man" to reject God, that's easy. It takes a strong man to take a serious look at himself and realize he's falling short of the only measure that matters. Your “perfect god” argument is nothing more than a variant of the problem of evil, and has been answered long ago. You question faith as it relates to God, but I guarantee you place plenty of faith in most other areas of your life. You talk about how Christians treated women and slavery, but I encourage you to pick up a history book and contrast it to what other cultures thought about women and slavery. Also take a look at the only group of people who ended slavery without external pressure. Anyway, I’m not trying to convert you either. When someone boldly rejects God as you have, it doesn’t bother me at all. It just makes me shrug my shoulders and say, “all right, good luck with that”. I guess we can just agree to disagree.

      And no, Christians aren’t losing: there is still about double the number of Christians in the world than Muslims. And even if Christians were losing, so what? Logically, if Christianity is true, how does a change in the number of followers make it more true or more false?

      Last but not least: you may have “smartenupnas”, but remember after that came the Ether.

  35. First of all I am a 22 yr old female virgin, black, beautiful and talented and very much a woman of God. I have remained a virgin for multiple reasons; God being number 1! (among others!)

    First things first… The Bible says that God is forever unchanging!!! He is the same God then, now and forever!!! What he said then still stands for now. That's alot of the problem with today… many people think because Pop Culture has a different view about things that God somehow says "Oh ok well if that's how they feel maybe I should change my mind and accept what they think is ok!". Hmmm I wonder if God said that about Sodom and Gommorah (sp? I can never spell that right! LOL) They thought that God should change simply because THEY wanted to!

    We have to remember that we are made in His image, not the other way around. God is without sin…we all know that…but we are not, (hence the reason that He gave his only son, so that he inherits the sin and the curse, therefore we will not be slaves to the Law of Moses). He knows that we are weak (after Eve and the apple) within this world, no we are not perfect. But being in his image we are to follow His rules, His life, and His way in all aspects!

    Secondly the world has begun to take God, and his views out of our day to day living…to the point that sex is now seen as something to do for fun… instead of being done in the rightous sense that He intended. Sex is supposed to be done between a man and a woman in the Holiness of God. When people are married YES!!!!ABSOLUTLY!!!! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE SEX!!!! as God has ordained…for those of you who do not know… that man and woman equal the two vastly different sides of God… Man being strong, provider, warrior, and all the lovely things men are (rolls eyes LOL j/k)… and Women being nurturing, loving, caring, and all those lovely things that women are… When a married couple have sex their love has already been ordained by God, and now they have permission to be completely like Him when they become one and bring the two sides of themselves together…. Interesting huh? Besides why would anyone want to have sex with just anyone, when "a man is supposed to love his wife as he so love himself", just as "a man is to love himself as he so love The Lord". Sex is more than just something fun to do, it's a great emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual matter that is not supposed to be taken so lightly, because God is not supposed to be taken lightly.

    And Thirdly, back to the subject at point, "Can you Love God and Sex?" the answer is NO!!!! God said that we cannot serve two masters! To love sex outside of the anointing of God and marriage is to love Flesh. And the Bible says that Flesh is of the mortal world, (which this world and flesh is of the dominion of Satan himself). We (as people) are supposed to sacrifice our flesh in order to come into the will and word of The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. And that anything that you love more thanGod becomes your God. SO NO WE ARE NOT TO LOVE SEX!!!! We are simply to enjoy the love and oneness that we recieve from The Lord once we give up our families, and create a new avenue to express our love/gift from God.

    So for those of you out there who think that God, His will, His word, and His way are simply outdated…But can simultaneously say that I want to live in his will…Just remember the Bible says that "I will not have you lukewarm"…Please Pick A Side…The bible said that "man cannot serve God and Mammon". We are not perfect but we have the option to be close throught Christ Jesus and His authority!!!

    1. I was with you right up to the end there. I dont think anyone is trying to put sex above God in this instance. Replace sex with whatever and see what happens. I love a lot of things; but none matches my love for the Lord. Thats why I answer yes to the proposed question.

      1. Well that's ok you have your opinion, and I have mine… I just believe that sex is something not to love but to be enjoyed… and within a certain contex only. No different than food… we are not to love food only enjoy it… or else you can become fat! No different than rest… we are not to love it just enjoy it… or else you can become lazy! Everything in this world can become a trap… it's our job to find out what God wants and expects from us, and what He wants and expects for us to do with the GIFTS that He gives us…Sex, Food, Rest, Relationships, etc, etc, are all gifts to be enjoyed and appreciated… But love should be reserved for God! I didn't say that anyone said that we should put sex ABOVE God… But I am saying only what my Bible teaches… and thats that anyone that loves anything that is ruled by the FLESH (i.e. this world, flesh included!), cannot love God at the same time… The flesh has to be sacrificed (given up and/or die) to be fully embraced by The Holy Spirit. Do we die literally, no but things of this world can no longer matter to you. For instance that anyone could/would love an inatimate object. Sex is a what… not a who, a when, or a where! God made it that way so not only will we live in His will, but will remain in it despite the urges, temptation, etc. Now once we (people) are married that does not change, we are simply granted privleges that we did not have as single people (hopefully people of God)… but I appreciate the reply… maybe this will clear up my opinion LOL!!!

  36. Can you imagine if The God of the universe read your blog? Because He certainly has. He has read your blog, your thoughts and seen every act of yours, in secret or otherwise.
    It is so sad to read something like this, supposedly coming from a man of God with some type of authority to speak on such issues. You are leading your people astray and you will be held accountable.
    Jesus said if your hand causes you to sin cut it off and if your eye causes you to sin gouge it out because it is better for you to walk through life maimed than your whole body be cast into hell.
    Matthew 5:30

    Ephesians 5:1-7

    Imitators of God
    1Be imitators of God, therefore, as beloved children, 2and walk in love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant sacrificial offering to God.

    3But among you, as is proper among the saints, there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality or impurity or greed. 4Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk, or crude joking, which are out of character, but rather thanksgiving. 5For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure, or greedy person (that is, an idolater), has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.

    6Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on the sons of disobedience. 7Therefore do not be partakers with them.

    Matthew 18:5-7New International Version (NIV)

    5 And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.

    Causing to Stumble
    6 “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. 7 Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come!

    Woe to you, woe to your blog, woe to you.

    Woe to your justifications of your own desires, your justifications which are very likely causing others to stumble and leading them astray.

    Sex is not your greatest concern, but your leading astray of God’s children through your own commentaries and justifications of your sinful desires.

    1. I’m sorry if I was harsh, I just reread your post. I see that you are not condoning it towards the end. To be honest though, at the beginning it sure seemed like you are saying it’s ok.
      I am sorry though for the harsh reply, regardless. Be careful with your words as teachers have a special responsibility and will have to give an account. I am taking my own advice.
      Much Love and God Bless!

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